On today’s episode of Period Story, I am so pleased to share my conversation with Natalie Costa, the founder of Power Thoughts. We talked about the importance of identifying which thoughts you choose to believe, managing pre-menstrual anxiety, and of course Natalie’s first period!
Natalie shared that her first period was a shock and something she wasn’t ready for. She says that slowly she started to become more accepting of it, but it wasn’t something she looked forward to (I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this!).
Natalie talks about growing in South Africa and how the conservative culture affected how she learnt about her period. She says it’s taken her time to become more open about talking about menstruation and that her former job as a teacher helped with this.
We talked about how Natalie learned to tune into her menstrual cycle more and how she connected this with work and the way she exercises. She says that she really has to listen to her body and resist doing high impact exercise when her body is craving something slow and steady.
Natalie says she asks herself: what can I do to be gentle with myself. She says she’s more aware of negative chatter that happens before her period and is able to manage it and work with it. Listen to hear the morning rituals Natalie uses to quieten down and centre her mind.
We talk about Natalie’s brilliant work supporting children by helping them tap into the power of their thoughts and recognise they don’t have to believe everything they think or respond to every feeling. Natalie shares some brilliant tips and I’ve been using them with my son!
Natalie says that as adults, we need to remember that we don’t need to believe every thought we think and that it’s so important to be gentle with ourselves and I completely agree!
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Natalie Costa is an award winning coach, author and founder of Power Thoughts – a coaching service she created to give children the ‘power’ over their own thoughts!
With a background in psychology and having spent 12 years within the educational sector as well as becoming an accredited Performance Coach, Power Thoughts was born – which blends her past experience and deep understanding of children and their needs, now providing them with the tools to help them cope and thrive in the modern world.
Supporting children from as young as five, Natalie has delivered Power Thoughts to over 6,500 children within schools and online.
Her programs are designed to help children recognise that they don’t have to respond to every thought that they think, or react to everything that they feel. By doing this they are able to grow in confidence, feel happier and be more robust in dealing with the pressures of school, exams, transitioning, making friends etc.
Natalie has been featured in the national press and TV, such as Stella Magazine, The Telegraph, Metro, Glamour Magazine, Good Morning Britain and BBC Breakfast. She is also the co-author of ‘Find Your Power!’ and ‘Stretch Your Confidence!’ – two activity books for children that support their mental wellbeing.
Le’Nise: Welcome to the show. Let’s start off by getting in to the story of your first period. Can you tell us what happened?
Natalie: Oh, yes. So I think I was about twelve. No, I was 13. I was 13. And it was round round about my birthday. I remember it was winter, because I come from South Africa. So it was June is my birthday. And it’s it’s cold. It’s winter. And I remember going to my parents loo, and I came out and I was like, I knew what was happening. Like, I’ve been told about periods and stuff. But I remember feeling really sad. My mom was really happy, but I just felt really I think for the first time that that feeling of, you know, what’s happening in my body, I don’t have control of what’s happening. And I’ll be honest, I also I was a little bit grossed out. It’s sort of a harsh word But I wasn’t, I definitely wasn’t embracing it. It was definitely a shock and not a pleasant shock as well.
It’s not something that I wanted to happen, whether that was I still wanted to be a little girl or I didn’t know I wasn’t ready for the next phase of what was going to come. But I remember it was more shock. But as in a negative way, definitely that feeling of oh, no, what is this? So, yeah, it wasn’t a positive experience for me.
Le’Nise: How long did it take you to get over that initial shock? And did did it change into a positive at any point?
Natalie: I think.
Yeah, I mean, it slowly, I think I slowly started to become like more accepting of it. But I mean, I, I absolutely hated wearing pads and I felt like I was wearing a nappy. And I used to play hockey and things like that. So I really it was just really it was uncomfortable. It wasn’t something that I looked forward to. And I just found it really messy. So it wasn’t, I don’t think it was a very positive experience early on in my life. I mean, it became one of those things that it was just another thing that happened. And I was quite fortunate not to really struggle with any sort of period pains or things like that. I’d often joke with my friends saying, you know, I never know. It just comes. So it is never like any PMS signs or things that you read about in magazines. Like, I just it just it would just be that I’d be like, oh, shit, here it is. I would say I wasn’t a very positive like relationship with that. And I think as well, just growing up. And obviously my mom always would educate us and you know, she’d be available to talk to. So we were able to talk to her about these things. But it was also something that wasn’t spoken about. If that makes sense. It wasn’t necessarily coming from her. I just think with society in general, just you just don’t talk about your periods and things like that. And it’s it’s something that you should. That’s quite gross. And you shouldn’t know nothing. You shouldn’t have them because I happened like, that’s just what happens. But it’s almost like that was the feeling that I had around it. So not very positive.
Le’Nise: Growing up in South Africa, why don’t you think that these things were spoken about?
Natalie: I think it’s very conservative in nature. Very traditional, very. Yeah, I mean, I did grow up in a bit of a conservative home as well, so you just don’t talk about that, just like you don’t really, you know, in general talk about sex and things like that. And I remember I went to this lady, this sounds really weird, but a group of, me and a group of friends. We went to this, because back then as well, schools didn’t offer sex education or talking about things, I mean, was very, very conservative. And sex was almost like a bad word, do you know what I mean. And we went to this lady. Probably when I was in about standard five. That’s the end of primary school years. And I think what’s that’s, year 7 here. And she, that was like my first introduction to what happens in your body and sex and periods and things like that. It was just it’s just really bizarre in terms of I think that the whole mindset of obviously parents, you know? Well, definitely my parents and friends of my you know, my parents, my friend’s parents as well, just don’t talk about this. Kind of outsourced it to somebody else to tell us about. So it’s just not something that I think and I think even if I had to speak to my mom now, it’s not something that she would have spoken about, really. I can’t imagine speaking openly about it. So something that happens and this is how we deal with it and we move on.
Le’Nise: Do you think your views have changed? Do you feel like you’re, I mean, you’re on the show today talking about it. So let me change the question. What made you more open to talking about periods and menstruation?
Natalie: I think it’s just kind of the change. Various factors, it was the change of times. Like we’re a lot more open in terms of what we speak about. It’s a normal part of being a woman. Why would we have to shun it or try and hide it? I think as well as a former teacher as well and also working with young girls and sometimes in year six, girls having their first period. And, you know, it’s all of those like those feelings that come up. And I think it’s it’s definitely it’s still a journey for myself. So obviously, I’m a lot more open to it. And this is just who I am and it’s what my body does. So I think it’s it’s and it’s also obviously educating myself like the books I read magazines and just what you see in the media. And I suppose what I choose to follow and consume and my social media is very much pro and supportive and open and, you know, being able to embrace all of these areas. So for me, if I look at my media, social media feed, it’s kind of like that’s my world, do you know what I mean. So it doesn’t make the conversation taboo. And I think it’s just why aren’t we talking about this? You know, why is it not just a normal thing? It’s not gross. It’s not disgusting. It can be painful, but it’s it’s part of who we are. You know, I mean, it fascinates me. I’m not very I’m not as informed as what I’d like to be.
But I do have a friend who is very much in tune with her cycle. And I think even becoming self-employed really highlights to me how my cycle impacts my day to day work and what I do. Putting with that though, still unlearning a lot of habits, moving from the teaching world and the push, push, push and the grind, grind, grind and all of that. But I’m aware as well that there are certain times in the months when, OK, this is probably when you’re feeling like this is not this has got to do a lot more with what’s going on inside of you versus what’s going on outside of you. So just even having has power and I think being able to educate people now about that and young girls about that, golly, if I had this at school when I was in primary school, even, you know, just even it is a simple format. I just think it would change so much in terms of how people move forward. Men and women, you know, which is just as knowledge and knowledge is empowerment, you know?
Le’Nise: I just want to go back to what you said about being self-employed and working around your menstrual cycle. Can you give us a few or an example of how you’ve been able to put that into practise? I know you said it’s a work in progress, but in terms of what you’ve started doing, can you talk us still just a little bit about that?
Natalie: I think the main thing at the moment, and I’m definitely not as good as my friend because she is brilliant in terms that she would not all the time, but she would track where she books in talks and speaking gigs versus when she doesn’t. And I’m not like that because I’m like, cool, they won’t be added to it. But I think the main thing for me at the moment is, like I said, it’s a work in progress, is becoming aware of mindsets. And for me, in the onset, too. When my when my period’s about to start, I know I am hypersensitive. The negative thoughts are increasingly a lot more, more so than what they would normally be. The anxiety, the feelings of anxiety are higher. And even I guess it comes up with me when I do my workouts because I love exercise. I love fitness and not pushing myself. But probably the most it’s it’s not being giving myself such a hard time if I can’t do what I’ve intended to set out to do, because actually I realised, okay, this is my body and listening to my body. So then perhaps having days where it’s low impact exercises versus repetitive high impact kind of things or just going for a slow run is probably a large part at the moment of how I see myself adapting to that.
But I would love to get to the point of being able to book my work around it because I think it would be phenomenal.
Le’Nise: I have to say, even though that this is this is the work that I do, I haven’t got to that point either, because I just you know, when the work comes, you know, you need to do the work. But, you know, it’s definitely a work, a work in progress and once you’re able to do it. But the fact that you’re able to think about your cycle when you exercise, I think is really, really important. I was actually speaking to an athlete today and she was we were talking about menstrual cycles and I was talking about how, the importance for athletes and anyone who does like a lot of exercise to think about their menstrual cycle, because there are times in your cycle, like the first half, where you put on, you’re more likely to put on muscle because of the rising oestrogen and testosterone. But you have more energy towards for those things. Whereas in the second half of your cycle where you have the rising oestrogen and progesterone, that’s actually the time for cardiovascular exercise. And you’re more likely to make cardiovascular gains then.
Natalie: Yeah, really, it makes sense, though, because if I think about the times, I really want to go for a run. Internally, I’m like, I cannot face doing high reps, high HIIT workouts. It’s like I just want something that’s to move my body but in a slow and steady space. So it’s not even like sprints to things like that. It’s just a slow, steady run or low impact where perhaps, you know, maybe like I think when the gym are open, I can maybe incorporate more of a leg day, but with no jumps and just kind of keep it really low base, you know, low flow, intensity based. And I think that to me has been a big thing because I don’t know. I mean, ever since my teens, it’s always been I had a lot of like there’s a lot of work in terms of me and my relationship with my body. I mean, I had a lot of other girls and men as well. So it’s been a real thing for me to unlearn. That I don’t have to be killing it in every single workout in order to have some positive benefits from that, you know, and that’s a really long journey because for a very long time that was like. Right. I was like maxing out and do as many and, you know, you know, now it’s more constructive. Yeah. So I just wanted to say, I mean, like what you were saying about your work in progress. That’s what I think the main thing is, just it is having that awareness. I think ideally I’d love to be able to book in speaking gigs and like the world goes according to my cycle. You know, I don’t see that that’s that’s available because, like, the work comes in, but it’s in. Okay. How do I show up knowing that maybe it’s day one or all I really want to do is be in bed. So what can I do to be gentle with myself? You know, following what I have to do, I have to perform. Right. Okay. Understanding. And then, you know, what can I do to be gentle with myself versus beating myself up?
Le’Nise: That is such an amazing point. I think that cycle awareness is so is such an important part of understanding how you can be gentle with yourself. And also this idea of tenderness, knowing that you’re on day one. And so, you know, it varies for everyone. But, you know, you might. Your energy is likely to be lower than it is, say, and day midway through your cycle. So no matter what you have what you have to do. How can you show for yourself in the gentlest, most tender way possible?
Natalie: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Which still it’s still a work in progress.
So it’s quite funny because even today I got a little I got that I think it’s the Moody app and I’m still learning to figure out how it works, but I just haven’t gone into it yet. But a little notification came up, say it’s a good time to remember to be sensitive and gentle with yourself today and I’m like, oh, this makes sense because this morning everything was in full flow in my bride, I got like, all right. It’s it’s just it’s just having that as an awareness, you know?
Le’Nise: I love the Moody app. The team there is amazing. So it’s brilliant that you’re using it.
But I think just going back to what you were saying about how before your period you get these heightened thoughts, you know, anxious thoughts or self-doubt. Do you feel, are you more aware now that they’re that those things are happening? And the second part of the question is, what do you do to to help yourself in those moments?
Natalie: Yeah, I do. I definitely notice I’m more aware that it’s happening. So while it doesn’t stop the negative chatter or those feelings coming up and like, I know why this is happening because I’m coming closer.
So that’s like my hormones, that’s PMS and also that I get really, actually the older I’ve gotten, the tearier I get as well. Definitely the more emotional I get. I mean, in terms what helps me. Well, it’s always I’ve always struggled with anxiety as a child and I think into adulthood as well. But it’s been it’s been quite manageable. But it is there. Do you know I mean, I was I was diagnosed with depression in my early teens and into my 20s, but I’ve definitely been able to manage it and to work with it. But in those times especially, I’ve noticed as I’ve become older, because when I was younger, I didn’t really notice so much of the change between not being on my period and being on my period. It just kind of flowed into one. It was definitely more gradual, whereas now it’s like night and bloody day. It’s like, who is this person? But it always comes back to doing those things that I know will keep me grounded. So that is about not looking at my phone first thing in the morning, doing some meditation or mindfulness exercises where I just get to like sit and centre my mind and it’s kind of quieten things down. Exercise in the morning is really important as well. I find that if I don’t exercise, whether that is even yoga or just anything in terms of moving my body, the mental chatter, those feelings are definitely a lot more heightened. And I’ve gotten into such a routine. I’ve been doing it for years in the mornings. So I know that that always sets me up to be clearer headed. Even if I wake up and I in this fog, if I do the exercise, I’m like, oh, well. Right. What was that about? Like, literally, it’s like a night and day again in terms of how it helps. And I think so that’s what I do. And then I try to do it as consistently as possible. I must be honest, since lockdown, it’s been a lot harder for me to have that. Because my husband’s at home. So there’s just more distraction in terms of because before, you know, we’d get up, go to the gym together. There’d be more structure. Whereas now we’re sleeping a bit later and all of these sort of things. So I’ve definitely noticed a bit of a dip. But in saying that, when I come back to the meditations and even if I do them a bit later, I find that that really, really does help. And then even using some other strategies in terms of, what is it that I’m thinking, what are all these negative thoughts, let’s put them down. And what I teach the children, let’s look for evidence as to why these are not true. Let’s look for clues as to why this thought, you’re thinking, no one’s going to buy your programme is not true. Do you know all this stuff you’ve come up with? But yeah, I think it yeah, definitely. The meditation, exercise, movements and then challenging that negative chatter and talking back in a more compassionate way, in a more rational way as well.
Le’Nise: So it sounds like you’ve got a lot of tools in your arsenal and you’re very you’re very aware. I want to just go back to what you were saying about sport and you played a lot of sport when you were younger. And you’re very, you do a lot of physical activity now. You’ve talked about we talked a little bit about how your menstrual cycle might impact your performance. Did you notice when you were younger the impact of sport on your period, on your menstrual cycle?
Natalie: No, no, no. I think like I said, to me, my period was very light. It was also maybe three days or four days. It was very, very light. And I never really noticed this PMS that people were talking about. It’s like, I don’t have that.
I brag about that. That’s cool.
But I think no. And I think, you know, the sport. So I played hockey in high school and I did some running, cross-country and things like that and tennis, but never excessively. I think when I started going to the gym in my 20s, that’s when I started to get quite punishing. Even, I think might be the thing of high impact. Then I qualified to be a fitness instructor, so I taught alongsidea couple of the Virgin Actives and Gymbox and again the ethos and those, you know, it’s very much. Go, go, go. Push, push, push. Which I love. But it’s not something that is sustainable. But I think it was more so it didn’t have an impact on my periods. It was more my mental, ow my mental health in terms of beating myself up because I’m like I’m exhausted and I’m tired and why I’ve done like 10 burpees and that’s it or whatever it might be at that stage, you know, like I’ve just started and you’re dead and not recognising and being in tune and actually listen to your body. And it’s funny, I had a conversation with a friend at the gym once, she was telling me that she was not pushing herself. And then when I asked her where she was in her cycle, I was like, well, that’s why. And it was an eye opener for her as well. You know, we don’t get talked about this if you’re not actively looking for this material.
Le’Nise: Yeah, we don’t get taught about this stuff, and it’s it’s so valuable and so many different ways.
And I think this narrative that I’ve been seeing at the moment is there’s a lot of conversation about the importance of periods. But some people questioning why we need to have a period in the first place. And, you know, it’s it’s hard to kind of have a counterpoint to those conversations because they know that they’re coming from a very masculine mindset of the world in terms of masculine energy and that go, go, go that you described. Whereas we see that menstruation, that cycle is, so it’s a cycle and there are ebbs and flows. But I wanted to just kind of switch gears a little bit and talk a little bit about your you your work as a teacher and the work that how you transitioned into your company, because you’ve mentioned some of the tools that you use around for the anxious thoughts that you have and how you’ve been able to teach children these tools. Talk a little bit about that.
Le’Nise: Mm hmm. So, yeah, I qualified as a teacher. Primary school teacher back in South Africa also got a background in psychology. So I really wanted to go into this field of psychology. So after my teaching degree is four years. And then I thought, well, I’ll come over to the UK. Because that’s what all South Africans were doing back then, which is golly, 2006, I think. But then I ended up staying here and I loved it. So I don’t want to go back. And then I also realised actually I love the mind.
I love personal development, but I don’t quite know if I want to go into psychology as such. Like I initially thought, but I knew I didn’t want to be a teacher. So I was teaching and I just it just it just didn’t gel. It just wasn’t. I knew, like, inside there’s like there’s something else. And I’m like, well, what the hell is this? Like you would I tried all different things. I mean, like I said, I then dabbled a bit in the fitness industry, cos I loved it. So I trained to be an instructor and I taught like fight club and spin and body pump and all sorts of things. But again, it wasn’t something I could see myself doing long term. And then the school I was with set me on a coaching course thinking initially it was P.E. coaching, physical education. But when I got the documents, it was a taster to become a life coach with some company. And I loved it. And life coach back then, was very woo woo like what is, you know, very kind of like, what is this? But I absolutely loved it. It covered the field of psychology and personal development. But it was about helping people move forward. And so I was actually in the middle of thinking at that point do I, cos I was exploring becoming a personal trainer. But then the coaching qualification came up and was like, I’m actually gonna do that. So I signed up with The Coaching Academy and I did that. And then I thought, well, I mean, I was still teaching full time, obviously. And I thought, well, let me work with women making career changes like myself. So I tried that out for a couple of years on the side. But again, it just didn’t gel. And people used to tell me, why don’t you use your tools for children. But at that point I was like, no, I want to leave education? I’m so tired of this. I want to leave school. And it was only purely by fluke where I had to I was required to teach an after school club. And I thought, well, I’ll call it mindfulness because I’ve been on a mindfulness training session, but I’m going to get the kids to colour. So I can mark books. That was honestly my strategy and I did it for maybe about two sessions. But then one of the children said to me that they were really stressed about their year six exams coming up. And I’d actually come off a stress training day that I absolutely love. So, I mean, on the spot there I was teaching them about their brain and what happens when you get stressed, much like, are they going to get this? And the feedback I got from parents was following that session was like, whatever you’re doing, please carry on. My daughter’s coming home saying, like, she’s using these tools to help with her worries. What is this? Can you carry on with it? So then I slowly started to try different strategies, like basically apply my coaching tools into lessons for children. And that ultimately was when I guess how I thought the idea for Power Thoughts came. So Power Thoughts is a coaching programme that I or coaching service that I created to help children initially tap into the power of their thoughts and to help them recognise that they don’t have to believe every thought they think or respond to everything they feel. And ultimately giving them the tools to manage their mindset.
So I know we were close with a very dear friend, Lucy Sheridan, because Lucy’s always been on my radar. We’ve been friends and I knew she was doing this mentoring at the stage and I said to her I have got this idea to bring personal development to children. But I need help. And that’s really, where we started to put ideas together and, you know, the name came about. So, I mean, it’s been quite a journey and it really is. And it’s so funny because I remember years ago prior to this, I used to say I love teaching, but I want to teach what I’m passionate about and I’m doing it, like it’s so, I’ve got goosebumps. I never would have believed that I would be doing what I’m doing. But for me, it’s really important. I think, you know, as an adult, I know how I struggle with negative thoughts and feelings of anxiety. And I know not everybody does. But we all have self doubts. We all have those times when we question our abilities. We all have those impostors that creep up or we don’t feel confident. But we create all these negative stories about that. And these are stories that we’ve held on to for years, whereas if we could start to teach children from the age of six, seven, eight, that just because you’re not getting maths or it’s difficult in maths doesn’t mean you’re rubbish with numbers, doesn’t mean you’re stupid. You know, you can start to rewrite that story. So it’s all about bringing the tools that we practically use with adults, but making them into bite sized teachable activities for children, Just to start developing positive habits, as I say, you know, from a younger age, or more helpful thinking habits, really. And how to respond to things just being more emotionally aware, because I don’t think I was taught about emotions the way I know about it now. And I know how vital it would have been if I was.
Le’Nise: Do you feel like kids are more anxious these days? And you’re having to really dig into that a bit more rather than the kind of positive reinforcement side of what you do?
Natalie: Mm hmm. I think. Well, I. I mean, obviously with COVID and all of that. Yes. There’s been a high like a spike in anxiety. This there’s been a lot of because of all the uncertainty, of course. But I mean, prior to that, I do think.
There is a lot already on children’s plates now versus when I was a child, even when I was teaching. When I first started teaching, you know, the curriculum has changed. It’s definitely I mean, I’ve been out of teaching now for three and a half, four years. But back then, like the curriculum, it changed a lot and it was more challenging. So I think their plates are a lot more full and also bring in online and social media. And it’s not something that we can choose our children not to be engaged in because actually they need to learn. That’s part of the modern world. And we want to give them the skills to deal with that in a positive way so their plates are full. So I think, yes, to a degree there is. But then also the flip side, I think we’re talking about it a lot more now, whereas in the past it was probably also there, we just didn’t talk about it just like we didn’t talk about periods, we didn’t talk about mental health. We didn’t talk about our feelings, we were told to just like, suck it up and get on with it. You know, like just just let’s not show it was not the right thing to show mental, you know, like mental challenges or things like that. So I think it’s a bit of both now and especially I find I mean, just within the world of education, I set up Power Thoughts when mindfulness was just starting to make its appearance in education. But I know it was some schools embraced it and some schools were completely no, we don’t want to go down this route because they might be religious schools. And this is going to attached into all sorts of other beliefs. So it was definitely, I think. I can sometimes find it was a bit slower to be introduced versus say, I know mindfulness was raiding the corporate sector. It was quite well embraced. So I think. Sorry. Going back to your question, I think it’s a bit of both really. Their plates are full. But I think we’re talking about it more. We’re allowing the space to talk about it.
Le’Nise: If there were parents listening, who would say I I love I love this. What’s something I could do today, too. Because, you know, more parents, including myself, are homeschooling. And they’re seeing kind of the kitchen sink of what it’s like to to teach a child. You know warts and all. I have to say here, there have been tantrums from me and from my son. What advice would you give to parents who know there are a lot of kids who aren’t going to go back to school this year to manage this time and to, you know, keep keep a cool head.
Natalie: Yeah, definitely. I think, first of all and it goes back to what I said ages ago, in another interview. This is not home schooling. Right. Home schooling is where you choose to take a child out of the system and you choose to be their primary. I mean, you already own a primary education, but you choose to step into that teacher role. You’ve not chosen this. This is kind of being thrown at you in a matter of like 48 hours. Right? You’ve just got to deal with it. So understand that it’s not you’re not being the teacher. You’re not expected to know how to do the divisions the fractions, adverbial whatever frontal verbs, whatever they’re called, you know, remove that. I mean, by now as I’m talking to parents, there does seem to be a bit of a structure in place because I do think, you know, structure is important. Absolutely. For children, especially let children know what’s to be expected. So but keep it keep it quite simple. I think the key word here is keep it simple. If schools and again, this depends on the age of the child, the subject, what schools are sending, if schools are sending a lot of things and you’re feeling overwhelmed, pick one thing, pick one thing and focus on that. Rather do one thing well versus ten little things. And they’re all emotional meltdowns.
At the end of the day, we’ve always got to come back to our children feeling and us lowering that stress response right where we are. Because if we’re in that space of stress and anxiety and anger and those big feelings, nothing’s going to get done. And it’s not a very nice place to be. So if your child is, and it’s not about this, that’s a lot of things here because, yes, some learning needs to be done. But could there be other forms of learning then if they’re really not engaging with the maths, could they perhaps go? And I don’t know, sort blocks. So by, you know, buy groceries and putting that inverted commas, you know? So what would you buy? How much would it be? What money? Kind of those sort of things. Somethings that give it more practical and hands-on versus the worksheets or the exercise that they do. The other thing is, well, I mean, just to remind parents is what is that children at school for six hours a day, but they are not learning every single minute of those six hours. And even if they’ve got an hour of literacy at an hour of maths, they’re not working that full 60 minutes because there is a bit of teaching time, there is a bit of carpet time, to desk time, there’s they can go to the toilet time. There’s a lot times that we’re not doing anything, you know. And there’s the banter with the friend. So if you’re able to do a little maths exercise in 15 minutes, 20 minutes, and then they do something that’s a bit more self focussed, that’s fine. They don’t have to be busy for the full 60 minutes. I mean, I do see this with a little client that I worked with recently. His school was quite on top form in terms of Zoom lessons, and I think he was at like Zoom calls from nine o’clock until two o’clock every day. And I mean, he’s eight. But I think children are, I mean, what I’m hearing from children and I think especially now understanding if they’re having a hard time, are there some things that you can take off the agenda? Because the kids I’m talking to are bored with Zoom lessons, the hour sessions and that that looks they say the learning is I mean, but the learning is boring, which you can totally understand because your attention span is only so much for an hour or an especially if it’s the subject. So it’s not quite it’s not something that’s always going to be fun and engaging. It’s maths. So it’s how to write a sentence. So, I mean, obviously a lot more elaborate than that. But, you know, I mean, it it’s there’s only so much I think the novelty of being at home is also worn off. In the beginning, it might have been quite exciting. They are missing their friends, you know, FaceTime can only go so far. And also the school day, they burn off a lot of energy.
So what I would say is, how can you help your child change their state and you as well. So simple things like, I know encourage families to create a power playlist where they put together some songs. And if they start to feel, songs that they like, like upbeat, funky songs, and if they start to feel like in a bit of a funk. Right. We gonna choose a song. We’re gonna dance, we’re gonna shake and gonna move it out to get rid of that energy, you know.
Something else that I teach is move it to lose it, where I move my body in a safe way to lose the big feeling. So it might be that I set my timer on my phone. You’ve got to run as fast as you can for 30 seconds and then we got to go again for 45 seconds and then we gotta go again for 60 seconds, by round four children have been like, oh, what was I so upset about? You know, because it’s it’s the game. And even, you know, if you’re able to take them outside, like burn some of the energy because they’re not burning that much energy. And just in terms of something else as well, that might be something helpful in terms of ongoing is we can start now to help them build their emotional vocabulary, because the richer their emotional vocabulary is, the better they will be able to to express how they feel and recognise how they feel. And I can’t remember where I read it. But I read, you know, first of all, that I read somewhere that, you know, if we’re able to label our feeling, it reduces the intensity of the feeling within the primitive part of the brain, but also children and adults who are able to verbalise how they felt were 40 percent less physically and verbally aggressive than those who had a difficult time, you know, figuring things out. So this is something that’s ongoing, but something that families could do is even print off a feelings chart. Just Google feelings chart and Google print that off and just put that up in the kitchen or communal area and just have, like, little conversation about, you know, when did you where do you went to see? What does jealousy feel like? Where do you notice jealousy your body? If you had to give it a colour, what colour would you give it? You know what might help you if you feel jealous, you know, versus if you feel frustrated or if you feel worried or if you feel disappointed. And obviously the happier emotions as well. But just to start building their emotional vocabulary, because so often children say, I feel happy, sad or mad, but actually there’s a whole wealth of other feelings and even getting the older ones. I do this with some children when I get them to take joy, for example, come up with as many words for joy as you can, you know, and then let’s put them on like a timeline and see lowest intensity to highest intensity. What might it and it’s just it’s just a way to start slowly building that vocabulary as well, because then the more words they have to express how they feel about things and vice versa with you as well.
Le’Nise: You have given us so many incredible tools. I’m just nodding my head, thinking I got to use this. I’ve got to use that. Just just wonderful. Like the power playlist. Like yesterday, my son really loves The Descendants. And so we we were we had a little karaoke session in the afternoon, and that was really fun. And it was a way of us getting out our energy and like, really just, you know, because singing is so joyful. And also it stimulates the vagus nerve. So that is also connected to good emotional health. So I just I just love I just all love all of that. And for the listeners, all of these, if you’re if you’ve written, trying to write these down, all of this will be in the show notes and the transcription on my website. But, Natalie, I wanted to ask you if you could leave listeners with one thought to take away today from this podcast. What would you want that to be?
Natalie: And the first thing that came to my mind is don’t believe every thought you think. Especially when it comes to the negative chatter, the self-doubt. And this goes, I think, something we can pass on to our children as well, especially when in terms of the uncertainty and the worry and the anxiety, it is so easy to get caught up in the future tripping and worrying about what might happen. But let’s come back to where we are right now in this moment, whether that is with breathing techniques or changing energy states. And I think as well, coupled with that, you know, being gentle with ourselves and this is something I said that I’m still learning.
I was having a massive talk with myself upstairs just before I came on. You’ve got to be your own cheerleader. So I know the home schooling, when you come home is incredibly difficult for some parents and children.
But, you know, at the end of the day, can you. It is a one positive thing that’s come out of the day and again, also just the permission slip to drop all of these things that we feel we should do. Primarily, I think what’s important is you being able to pay the bills, so your job and then the children and you feeling in a happy place. So if that means the schoolwork doesn’t get done the way it would be done. That’s okay. So I think I’ve given you two there not one.
Le’Nise: No, I both are brilliant.
Bothare really important. Where can listeners get in touch with you to find out more about the work that you do and how you help children?
Natalie: Yes, sure.
So when my website www.powerthoughts.co.uk. I’m on Instagram a lot. I’m on Instagram the most and Facebook as well. Yes. And if you go to my website, you can pop me a message on there or you can come into my DMs as well.
And all of this this will be in the show notes and the transcript. Thank you so much for coming onto the show, Natalie. It’s been it’s been brilliant. I’ll definitely be using the things that you mentioned.
Natalie: Oh, thank you so much for having me. It’s been so lovely to chat with you. Thank you.