Period Story Podcast, Episode 58, Abby Epstein: Do Your Research and Do What Works For You

Photo credit: John Curry

I am so thrilled to share my conversation with Abby Epstein, the director of the fascinating and evocative documentary The Business of Birth Control. Abby shares her own powerful and very personal story of self-discovery and change after taking hormonal contraceptives.  

In this episode, Abby shares: 

  • Why she was first put on the pill 
  • The physical and mental health issues she experienced while on the pill 
  • What she learned about herself when she came off hormonal contraception 
  • The inspiration behind the documentary The Business of Birth Control 
  • And the story of her first period 

Abby says that it’s so important to do your own research and find a health solution that works for you.

Thank you, Abby!

Abby has very kindly shared a discount code (LENISE) that will give you 50% off any streaming rental on the The Business of Life website (www.thebusinessof.life).

Get in touch with Abby:

Website

Business of Birth Control Instagram

Personal Instagram

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise: Hi, Abby. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. I’m really excited to have you here and talk about all of the amazing work that you do, your films. But first, let’s talk about the story of your first period. 

Abby: No, I love this. I love that you focus on this. I think it’s such a fantastic thing to think about and talk about. And so I had to kind of dig a little bit, you know, to remember. And what I remember is it’s kind of interesting because, you know, how in middle school, I don’t know why, but everybody knew when everybody got their period. It was just that weird thing where you’d whisper in the halls, you know, like, Nicole got it last weekend and this one got it, and that one got it. And, you know, generally it starts young, like people start at ten years old or in like, you know, fifth grade.

And I was just one of those people that never got it. And middle school went, came and went and high school was starting, you know, secondary school. And I still didn’t have it. And so it sort of came down. That’s where I won’t say her last name on the podcast, but it was me and this other girl, Sarah. And like, everybody knew that like she and I hadn’t had our periods yet. And then Sarah got hers and it was just like, yes, you know, you could tell she was like so happy. And I’m like, oh, my God, I can’t believe this. And I think at the time, I was just about almost 16 years old. And I also was dancing ballet a couple times a week. So people like, oh, that can also, you know, delay your period. I wasn’t like underweight, but I was dancing. And then my mom said, you know, we’re going to I want to take you to the gynaecologist and just, you know, whatever, make sure everything’s okay.

So we went to the gynaecologist and, you know, she basically kind of said something like, well, if it, you know, if it doesn’t come in this time, I might have to, like, give you something to, like, bring it on, like some kind of medication. And that completely flipped me out, right? So we left that. And then it was like a few weeks before my 16th birthday, and we went on a family vacation to Hawaii. And I remember I met this boy and we had sort of like a little, you know, fooling around on the beach. Like I wasn’t sexually active, but, you know, it was that stage where you’re kissing and you’re just kind of feeling and, you know, a lot of hand play. And then I came back from that vacation and I remember like I woke up to go to school and there was like a couple dots of blood on my underwear, and I was like, Oh, my God. Like, I was so happy. And I remember thinking like, maybe, it was that boy. Like, maybe when I was with him, he touched something down there. I don’t know. He, like, broke something? I don’t know. It’s like, he broke my hymen? I didn’t know. But I was like, he must have helped me in some way. Or it was the pressure? It was so funny. 

And I remember I’ll never forget this. I wore a purple, straight, long skirt. I was obsessed with Prince and I wore lots of purple. And I had this purple, straight, long skirt and I had a big bulky pad and I was in school and I couldn’t stop, like, hinting to everyone, you know, like, I couldn’t stop saying, like, Oh, my pad. My pad is so uncomfortable. Oh, my underwear. Oh, is my pad sticking out? Can you see my I mean, it was like I literally I mean, I’m surprised I didn’t like walk down the hallways with, like, the big bloody maxi pad in front of me, like, like a badge of honour, like, stuck on my shirt. I mean, it was I have to tell you, it was like such a joy and such a relief. And also I was like, I had been waiting for it for so long that I remember saying to my mom, like, all casual, like, Oh, Mom, do you have any pads? I just got my period. Yeah. Do you have any pads? You know, and she tried to play it off also really like, oh, and I should mention that my younger sister is like two and a half years younger than me and of course had been having her period probably for a couple of years at that point. So it was like double embarrassing, you know, that my little sister is menstruating. But yes, that’s the story. 

Le’Nise: When you finally got it, did you know what to expect? Did you know what was going to happen beyond, okay, you’re going to see this blood. You wore pads. Did you have, were you educated or had you educated yourself? 

Abby: No, I really didn’t know very much. I knew that my sister was having a pretty rough time. So my my sister was having a lot of like and she was an athlete. So it was hard. And she I knew she was having like some very heavy cramping and like sometimes would like not go to school or come home from school. And they were trying like different pain relievers and things. So I, I knew about that. I didn’t, I remember the pads. I don’t remember switching to tampons, but at some point I did. And I remember a friend or somebody telling me about, you know, that you have to angle it. You don’t just shoot it straight out. So but I didn’t know very much. 

And it’s it’s kind of funny, Le’Nise, because since I started, you know, making my documentary and getting some more education around all of this, I kind of look back. And the interesting thing is, I think that I may have had some either, you know, PCOS or some early PCOS because like looking back on the symptoms and looking back on the sort of like delay in the period and then. I had some other things that line up. You know, with PCOS, actually, because I had like very early, like acne, like I had like I remember I had acne like all over my forehead when I was like 11 or, you know, very young. I had acne. I had acne on my chest. I remember in ballet, you know, I had like some acne. And I remember when I went to the gynaecologist that time when I didn’t get my period, I remember her saying something to me about testing my hormones that she wanted to test my hormones because she thought I had some like excess hair. You know, there were just like signs where she thought I might have. And so it’s kind of interesting, you know, looking back, I actually feel really lucky, you know, because I, I think that I probably did have something going on like hormonally. And, you know, I’m lucky that my period did finally come and that, you know, things were not regular at all because that’s ultimately how I ended up on the pill. But it’s you know, it’s to me, it’s like fascinating sort of how little I knew, how little I knew about periods, about my cycle. And, you know, looking back now with all this knowledge and wondering, you know what? I don’t know, like what might have been different had anyone put those pieces together? 

Le’Nise: And when you got your period and you were going around the halls at school in your purple skirt and I love that it was like a tribute to Prince. Did you. You mentioned the kind of whispers about periods and how everyone knew. Did you how did you eventually tell your friends and what was their reaction? 

Abby: Oh, I couldn’t wait. I mean, we’re talking, you know, pre cell phones, so I would have had to wait until I got to school. But I remember telling my best friend, and she and I also this was like two years later, we were also like the last of the virgins. Like, that was another thing. You know, I remember I was like, I was still a virgin when I graduated high school. And again, you could count on one hand who were the girls? And it was like a similar kind of, you know, accounting people do. But oh, yeah. I mean, it just went through the halls like I couldn’t wait. I could told everybody everybody, you know, in subtle and not so subtle ways. And it was very, you know, I felt very grown up in the complaining about it. You know, I have to change my pad now. And, you know, it was like, oh, my God. 

And then I don’t remember, actually, like, I don’t remember those was like last few years of high school tracking it or counting days or having any idea. I remember. It must have. I think had it from time to time because I know that two years later when I went to university, it just completely stopped. So that I so I knew. So I must have known that something was different. Like, I must have known that it stopped. So I. But I honestly have no idea Le’Nise,if I was having, like, a monthly period or work, I have absolutely no idea. There was no I was never taught to track it or look at the days or. 

Le’Nise: And what was a point that you you said you went on the pill. What was that when you lost it? When you went to university? 

Abby: Exactly. Yeah. And that was really a very traumatic experience because. I remember when I went to university. And most of. I guess I must’ve. You know, it was some time in my freshman sophomore year or maybe I didn’t menstruate much my freshman year, but I remember it was like my sophomore year, you know, when I really didn’t have a period at all. And I think that again, looking back, there are so many factors, right? I mean, one is I don’t know if there was some PCOS going on or there was some hormonal. I have no idea. You know, was never told. I mean, I assume I remember the gynaecologist saying she wanted to test my hormones and then I never heard anything. So I’m assuming that I don’t know, everything was okay. 

But you know, when I did go back home for my like annual exam, she was very like keen to put me on the pill, but not only put me on the pill, she gave me like ten days or a week of hormones that I had to take to bring on a period so that I could then start the pill. And, you know, it was unbelievably torturous because there was just no warning given about anything. And all I know is I start taking these pills and I’m thinking this is necessary. You know that because I have to menstruate because this isn’t good. And then, you know, I’m sure she’s thinking, well, this will be a double, you know, protection for you because then you’ll be on the pill anyways, so you’ll have contraception. But I wasn’t even sexually active and I just remember like riding my bicycle to class at like eight in the morning and I would have to like pull the bicycle over because I would just be sobbing, like sobbing and sort of irrationally sobbing like a child. Like, like I miss my mom, you know, or just like, literally crying like a baby. And so. I think, like many women do, I just thought there was some kind of depression anxiety going on. I didn’t connect it to these hormone pills that she had given me, you know, to bring on a menses. I just didn’t I was never warned. I didn’t know. I didn’t connect any of it. 

And then the pills she gave me when I did start it and I did everything like a good girl and like Il was supposed to do. It was really awful for me. It was just awful. And the side effects were awful. And I think I just stuck it out for a while, probably the whole semester, until I remember going home and going back to her. And I remember sitting in her office and just crying and just started crying in the office because I felt terrible and I had gained weight and I was just feeling awful. And she was kind of, you know, shocked. And she said, oh, you know, there’s, everybody has such a different chemistry. And I really wish that these pills came in a more individualised way so that we could know, you know, how different people’s hormones were going to react. But, you know, it seems like this this pill isn’t a good fit for you. And let’s try it a different one. But it was like so interesting because she was actually very compassionate. But I wouldn’t have known. Like I never would have known when I was at school and suffering to call her or call my mom or say, you know, something’s happening. I think it’s this pill. I just thought it was me. Like, I just thought I was having, like, a depressive year at school, you know, or something. I just thought it was me. And so then. Yeah, then we switched to a different pill, and that was more tolerable for me. And so I ended up staying on that one for, for many years to come, but ended up having other problems on that pill, which, again, you know, I really didn’t connect until I made this documentary. 

Le’Nise: How long in total were you on the pill? 

Abby: I would say it was. Must have been like about eight or nine years. Was like probably like 20 to 29. 

Le’Nise: Right. Okay. 

Abby: Almost.

Le’Nise: Almost a decade. Okay. And what was the impetus for you to come off of the pill? 

Abby: You know, there was kind of this instinct that I had. I don’t know how else to explain it. I was in a monogamous relationship and I was, you know, I think 29. And I was thinking, you know, I don’t know. It was like an intuitive thing where I thought, I feel like I should like give my body a break from this. And I was thinking, you know, I’m nearly 30 and I’m going to be thinking about children. I knew I wanted children. And I was like, I’m going to be thinking about maybe children in the next couple of years. And so I feel I should like, you know, kind of clean house. And there’s really I don’t know why I’m sort of on this anymore, but I think there was, you know, at that point I was like in such a steady state. 

And the things that were had been happening to me that whole decade were chronic UTI and vaginal dryness, which I had no idea was in any way connected to that birth control pill. So those things that that had been bothering me, you know, with my sexual health, I didn’t even think were connected to the pill. Like they were in no way an impetus to get off. I did, you know, like struggle with acne when I was younger. So I did like that. You know, it had kind of calmed all of that down and that my, you know, my skin was clear. So I think, like a lot of young women, there was probably that fear of like making a change, you know, because everything felt so, like, stable and my skin was stable. But it really I think, you know, that going off moment and I don’t think I knew it at the time. 

I mean, I remember I remember one of the first things when I went off is after like a couple months, I was like, oh my God, those were not my breasts. Like, I don’t have, you know, this like Big C cup or whatever. I actually and I was, you know, I remember kind of laughing because I was thinking. Oh, my God. Like. You know, because I had I remembered something about my wedding dress and I was thinking I should have gone off before because my wedding dress would have fit so much better in the bust like I did. So I remember that was like kind of a dramatic thing. Like, you forget, I thought those were my boobs. Those were not my boobs. Those were pill boobs. So that’s, you know, my boobs kind of went away. But I really liked that, like, returning to myself, you know, I really, really liked. That coming back to myself and a lot of things changed emotionally, and I had a big partner switch. I ended up leaving the partner that I was with at the time, which again, these are things I did not connect for, you know, years and years and years. 

So, you know, it’s really crazy. Like it just so many things. Like when I was reading Holly’s book, Sweetening the Pill, I remember like reading all this. This study’s about like partner attraction and this and even the vaginal dryness, the UTIs. I mean, I just my God, I was like, there were so many things that I experience that were so, you know, textbook and, you know, and to this day, it’s like I do wonder, like, I really wonder if if somebody had done the underlying work, right. To see why my period had stopped, for example, you know, I just I don’t know. I wonder what I could have uncovered about myself. You know, I do wonder if the UTIs like if I would have suffered with those, you know, because those sort of never stopped, you know. So there are things that I don’t know that you just, like, wonder about, like, how would your whole kind of sexual life, relational life, you know, been different without that decade on the pill? I also was interesting because I did learn, you know, other things about how, you know, just just but, you know, turning off your own endogenous hormones, like how that can affect in some ways even your own compassion, sensitivity. And I do look back on my 20s and certain periods and I feel that I was not only sort of disconnected from myself, but very hard driving, very ambitious and, you know, sometimes even a little bit, I don’t know, like kind of cutthroat, you know what I mean? Like like behaving in ways that are really not me at all. Like, I’m really not like that. Like, I’m just incredibly empathetic, compassionate person. And so, you know, a lot of things, like, I really look back and just wonder, like, how much did this really affect, you know, my personality, my attraction. I mean, it’s fascinating. 

Le’Nise: It really is. You had a huge change after coming off the pill, emotional changes, changes in your relationship. And then when you came off the pill, how long did it take for you to get your period back? 

Abby: So that I don’t remember. I remember very, very clearly that, you know, my libido kind of roared back. And that’s something that a lot of women have, you know, described. But I remember it being just sort of shocking because I just thought I wasn’t a very sexual person. You know, I just thought, like, on this scale, you know, I did have climax. I did experience orgasm. I did have, quote unquote, you know, good sex. But I didn’t have a drive like I didn’t have, you know, I mean, it was, you know, the only the only thing I could the last time I had felt sort of libido that way was, you know, maybe back in my senior year of high school before I started the pill, you know, that was sort of what I could equate, that real feelings of sex, drive and libido so that I remember that being like the most kind of shocking and like, obvious difference and and also a huge relief, right, to think that maybe you’re not such a sexual person and then you are. 

And then I know that. My period came back pretty soon, I didn’t have like a whole, you know, I mean, I think it came back within the first like two months or, you know, there wasn’t an issue. And then I was very I would say like I did have I remember, you know, cramps. I had like period symptoms that I hadn’t had, like, you know, back in high school, maybe I didn’t even have that many periods in high school, but because I didn’t keep track. But, you know, it was definitely, you know, regular and. And I remember having to kind of deal with the cramping and. But it’s very like, even today, it’s funny because it’s like I still, you know, have a very regular period and and and when I did so, I think I went off the pill about four years before I got pregnant for the first time. And so once I was like back in my regular cycling in my thirties and it was so easy for me. Like, I, from, from, I would say, like, for four or five years, my partner and I, new partner, we didn’t use any barrier methods. We didn’t use any contraception. 

I did not know about fertility awareness, but my cycle was like so regular that I roughly knew like my fertile week. You know what I mean? 

Le’Nise: Yeah.

Abby: But we were just able to time things in such a way. And then when we were like, Yes, let’s have a child, it was like, first try, boom, first try out the door. Done, you know? So I feel really lucky. And then and then my fertility journey was so, so easy. Like, so easy, you know, getting my periods back after breastfeeding, second child, same thing, first drive, boom, you know. So it’s, I feel lucky, you know, in some ways, but I don’t I don’t know that like to me. You know, that that whole period, I think that whole decade when I was on the pill, although, you know, I guess it’s easy to look back, right? Everyone can look back and say, well, I’m very happy I had that. And because I didn’t have to think about pregnancy, I understand that. I was a very monogamous person. So I wasn’t a person who had one night stands or had like multiple partners. So I’m not really sure that, you know, the sort of not worrying. 

I was never worried about getting pregnant like I would. That was never a fear. I didn’t have a fear like that, you know, because I wasn’t sexually active until I was 19. And then I was like mostly, you know, with partners. So I didn’t really have that fear. But, you know, I do look back and think like more about how that would have affected me emotionally and in terms of like partner choice. But, you know, I feel lucky that I didn’t have problems like with my cycle after that or any problems like with fertility. 

Le’Nise: It’s really interesting that you you said that you thought that you may have had PCOS and then once you got your period back after you came off the pill, how it came back in a really regular way, you described it being like clockwork. And that’s so, so fascinating. Just thinking about it in the context of where where you were when you started, you had a really late period. And also just thinking about that decade that you had on the pill. And I do sense a kind of regret there of what could have been. And do you feel like when you got your period back and you discovered who you really were, there was a kind of mourning that you had to go through. 

Abby: Well, I think, you know, the biggest thing more in terms of mourning was just the relationship stuff, you know, because I think that is incredibly hard. And like when you with your like true sexual nature is is is awoken in that way and you realise that you just don’t have sexual chemistry with this wonderful person that you love in every way. And so, you know, I think it was it was very traumatic. And, you know, it was extremely traumatic to. And confusing, you know, and confusing. And I think that, you know. It’s like almost the way I could explain it is it’s a little bit of like a Sleeping Beauty thing. So it’s like like waking up in your body, let’s say, you know, at 29 or 30, but kind of sexual emotional intelligence you’re like 16. You know, that’s kind of what it felt like. Like it was like I couldn’t sort of. Control it anymore, you know, and it was sort of like I couldn’t live in this lie in a sense, you know what I mean? 

Like I was basically in like a marriage that was platonic and it was deep and there was full of love, you know, but it was really platonic. And, you know, there there was sex, but it wasn’t in any way the kind of sex that I come to knew and experience later, you know? So, you know, it was I felt like. You know, being disconnected from that piece of yourself. Right. And now understanding, like, I think, how much libido is sort of diminished as sex drive when that is not what libido is. Libido is your life force. It really is. And it’s it really. You know, so for me, I was only connected to a masculine life force. I was connected to a life force around work, around achieving. And that’s what I was doing. I was winning awards and achieving, achieving, achieving. You know, like at a very young age. And that was my life force. You know, that’s what was what was feeding me. And then suddenly to go off and sort of I think I got almost, like, overwhelmed, right, by this whole world of, like, you know, real kind of sexuality and attraction that I had shut off. That’s the only way I can explain it. It was sort of like, you know, shut off. And every once in a while. You know, I would get like a window into it and sort of a little wake up, but then it wouldn’t really stick, you know, where I would think, Oh, maybe I’m missing something. But no. And so it that’s I think that’s what’s sort of confusing. It’s like when you are not. Experiencing yourself, right? With with. We know that hormones, your hormones interact with your environment to create yourself. Right. 

I mean, if you read Dr. Sarah Hill’s book, you can understand that they create the version of your brain that forms your personality. So I think, you know, disconnecting from that. Yeah, it’s almost like I was living kind of a like a, like a shadow life, you know. And then when I sort of in my thirties got plugged into, you know, myself and it just rocked everything, you know, it just created. Huge upheaval. And again, I don’t know that it was I was making the best decisions either, because I think I was, again, like this 16 year old, you know what I mean? Who’s just been sort of handed the keys to the kingdom. And it’s like, oh, my God, this, you know, this is what this is supposed to feel like. 

So then I think I was making more decisions just really based on passion, you know, an attraction and sort of, you know, because I had been disconnected from it for so long. So it was it’s it’s so I mean, I think that it’s so fascinating to to think about like how we, you know, and and again, honestly, Le’Nise, you know, that whole decade that I really, like, stayed on that till there really was no reason. Like I said, like I was in a monogamous relationship, you know, I didn’t have like a reproductive health issue that I knew about, that I was like needing to be on the pill, like, you know, heavy periods or endometriosis. There was no like medical reason. It’s just this weird feeling of like, well, I don’t know, things are things are good, you know? And what if I what if I went off and then this happened or, you know, it’s it’s it’s just interesting, I think sometimes how you just lock in to like. Thinking in some way that this is part of like being the good girl. You know, it’s like you take the pills and, you know, everybody’s happy and you don’t have to worry about that. But. Oh, my God. I mean, looking back, it’s just like. It’s really. It’s. It’s just, like, shocking when I didn’t know. Hmm. 

Le’Nise: What’s interesting is that you you mentioned the idea of being the good girl. And a few other guests that I’ve spoken to on the podcast have described this idea of being the good girl and as also linked to the rite of passage of going on the pill. So you turned 16 or 17. Your friends are on the pill. It’s your turn. You get your you get your period. Now it’s your turn to go on the pill. And I remember one guest describing it as kind of like, you know, every girl in her high school was on the pill. And I just wonder about well, I mean, I have lots of questions about all of this. But in terms of your experience and then kind of linking into the film, the brilliant film that you made, The Business of Birth Control, was your experience kind of the driver, one of the drivers for you making this film? 

Abby: I think it definitely was a driver, of course, because I feel, you know, so the first film that Ricki Lake and I made together is called The Business of Being Born. So that is a really funny story because that film we started making because of Ricki’s birth experiences, and then I got pregnant during the filming and ended up giving birth in the movie. So we both give birth in the movie, but hers is hers is, you know, like footage that she had kept. And mine is like, live, you know, like following my birth in this in this movie. So I think. It’s funny, right? Because the business of being born, I didn’t make that film because I had a passion for midwifery. I didn’t even know what a midwife did, you know. So I made that film because I was sort of fascinated as a feminist that I had been so unexposed and was kind of fascinated by Ricki’s story. You know, I didn’t know I was going to become part of part of the story. Right. So with The Business of Birth Control, when I think when I read Holly Griggs-Spall’s book Sweetening the Pill she had sent me the galley of the book hadn’t been published and I read it on the aeroplane when I was flying from New York to L.A. to meet with Ricki about another project we were doing. And I got off the plane and said, Ricki, oh my God. Like, I just read this book and all these light bulbs went off. Like so many light bulbs went off. 

And and some of it is, you know, you get kind of so angry, right, about the mistreatment that you experience and the gaslighting that you experience. And so that was also a real trigger for me. Like, I’ll just give you one quick example. I hope I’m not getting too graphic on your podcast, but I mentioned like vaginal dryness, for example. And so this can be a real side effect of hormonal birth control that people don’t know about. So in my twenties, when I was, you know, having sex with this long term partner, we would use, you know, lubricant or whatever. But still there would be this like dryness. And so at one point I actually had like a, like an abrasion, almost like a like on the bottom of my vagina, like, you know, just, you know, almost at the at the at the perineum. It was just, you know, like it was like literally rubbed, you know, like, like a menopausal woman would get, you know. And I remember I went to the gynaecologist, she wasn’t there that day. So I saw this man, one of her partners, and he looked at me and he said, That is herpes. And I said, excuse me, but I actually I’ve I’ve only had one partner and we’re both, we were both virgins when we met. And I’ve never slept with anyone else and he’s never slept with anyone. It’s actually not herpes. Could you tell me what’s going on? Because, you know, I get these when we have sex and I don’t understand. He said, trust me, that is herpes. I’m going to run the test. But I’m so sure that and he gave me these like antiviral medications and literally told me I needed to start taking them that day. Can you imagine? 

Le’Nise: Oh, my gosh. 

Abby: I am so confused. I am like, whatever, 26,27 years old and I’m talking to my partner. I’m like, I don’t, I want to understand. Like, what I’m like are you doing something that you’re not telling me? Whatever. He was like, No, this is like crazy. I mean, I remember so embarrassed. I was in my hometown and I had to go to the pharmacy and like fulfil these prescriptions for anti-viral. Of course within whatever two or three days they call. And of course the test is negative. But the experience of it, he was so arrogant. He was so sure and he did not believe me. He did not believe me. And he didn’t want to look for any other reason. 

And I think that as a white woman of privilege, to experience that, you know, and to be it’s so infuriating. You know, it is honestly. It is so infuriating. It’s so abusive. And and so I think I was I was angry. And I was angry about my experience of going on that first pill that really wrecked an entire year of university for me. I mean, completely ruined it like I was a complete depressive, you know? And I it’s it’s just an all completely unnecessary, you know, and such a lack of informed consent, you know, such a lack of understanding. And so I think that I was, you know, reading this book and connecting the dots in my own head and then looking at what I experienced, let’s say, within the reproductive health system, which is like a two on the scale of 1 to 10 of what other women experienced. And I’m reading these stories. I was just like, my God, I said to Ricki, we’ve got to talk about this like we we have to. It’s going to be very unpopular. People are going to be very mad about that we’re doing this. But I don’t know. It’s like, who’s going to talk about this? You know, who’s get telling stories? I just felt like we can have a liberal critique of hormonal birth control, like we can be like liberal progressives, and we can still critique this and find this grey space where we can talk about, you know, health and and safety. 

So, you know, to me, I think it’s all in a way I think it’s sometimes funny, Le’Nise, because people will say to me, oh, you know, your films like, do you have something against the medical system? And I’m like, My God, this has nothing to do with the medical system. That is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how growing up with a uterus in the world means that you are funnelled into this kind of reproductive health industrial complex and that directly impacts so many aspects of your life. This is not just about, you know, getting pregnant and having a cyst removed and going to the hospital to give birth. No. Like these are decisions that impact, you know, partner choice and sexuality and personality and depression and, you know, from. And so it just really connected for me that it’s like I made this movie about childbirth. You know, women tend to wake up a bit when they’re in that phase of trying to conceive and having children. And the reason I think that they wake up a bit is because there’s something really powerful about pregnancy that rewires your brain. And I think that they wake up a bit and they’re also thinking about, you know, they’re starting to think for two people. You know, they’re starting to think about, well, it’s not just about, you know, my health. It’s about protecting this child’s health. And that’s easier, right? Like we hear that story all the time, right? Like with battered women, they don’t leave the abuser until the abuser hits the child, then they leave right, like. And that’s basically, you know, a lot of ways I went about. So it’s like. 

But but when I thought about making this film and reading Holly’s book, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. This has to start way before pregnancy. You know, this has to start as soon as fertility, you know, begins like this needs to start it, you know, nine, ten years old, the body literacy piece, the body literacy piece needs to start. And then there, you know, this whole conversation around contraception, it’s not. Medical. It’s just it’s not it’s not medical. It’s like there are so many spaces, I believe, where this is so much about a collective wisdom. Wisdom passed down from ancestors. You know, knowing this is about knowing that is like generational. And, you know, I think that’s why you see, you know, we just had some news come out that 2021 was the highest rates of home birth in the United States in 30 years. 

Le’Nise: Wow.

Abby: Amazing statistic. Now, I know some of that was driven by the pandemic and people not wanting to birth in hospital. I get it. But it’s more than that. It’s that, you know, women and people in general are discovering. Right. That there are spaces that they’ve given over completely to the medical complex, surrendered all power, all decision making to doctors, professionals. And they’re taking that back, you know, taking that back and saying, you know, no, no, no, this is the way I want to birth and this is how I want my child to come in. Or this is, you know, and I and I think that. It’s. It’s it’s so complicated around. And the contraceptive space in general because. It seems like everybody with a penis has been released from this conversation. It’s like, you know, there’s just no accountability. Yeah. Right. 

And then there’s this kind of way that we’ve categorised unplanned pregnancies, which you see in religion and in the media and in movies and TV, is like, you know, this the most catastrophic possible thing that can happen. And there’s this huge fear around it. And that fear is what ultimately like controls people and motivates this sort of good girl. So yeah, I mean, it’s like such a long winded answer, but I think I just really felt like, you know. So motivated because not only of my personal experience, but really I think just because of this collective like waking up that needs to happen around this. 

Le’Nise: And what have been the responses to the film? The film was recently released on Amazon UK. It’s available to rent, so if you haven’t seen it, please go and see it. It’s a brilliant, brilliant film. But I’m curious, what have been some of the responses that you’ve seen? 

Abby: Well, it’s so interesting, Le’Nise, because the responses. I don’t know. They’re hard to categorise. I’ll say the some of the responses have been the same as like when we even announced we were doing the film. Right. 

So we have you know what, I would you know, I think they’re like a lot of second wave feminists. And I would say, you know, I would say feminists of like a certain generation, you know, maybe Gen X and older are very, very alarmed by the movie and, you know, really feel that it’s dangerous to talk about these stories in the movie. We have some stories that are very difficult to hear about some families who lost their daughters from pulmonary embolism, which is a rare side effect. We can say rare. But you know, what’s not rare are blood clots, which lead to the pulmonary embolism. And so they really you know, I think whenever you start to talk about in any way. Right, like women who were damaged by birth control, whether that’s a stroke or an embolism or in these cases a death, you know, you start to trigger all those, like feminists, second wave alarm bells, you know. And so people were not, you know, happy. And I think the response has been like consistent in that way. 

So I think that we’ve seen. Some. Like incredible reviews and articles of the movie, you know, people that are just so passionate about it. And I think those are people like just to give an example. You know, Jameela Jamil, who’s one of my favourite feminists and activists, you know, she had us on her podcast and she just was blown away by the movie and completely got it. And as a feminist, completely got it. And then it was interesting because then her Twitter feed was attacked by, you know, more conservative OBGYN people and people that were, you know, mad that she was supporting the movie and felt. 

So it’s there’s a there is a bit of a war. I would say that when we were presenting the film, you know, when you were there speaking on the panel in London, when Ricki and I were in Berlin and London a couple weeks ago, I would say that a lot of that sort of like feminists like infighting, I guess I would call it, I would say like that was largely absent. And I don’t think that’s because of just because you aren’t dealing with an abortion ban in in Europe and the U.K.. I think it’s actually deeper. Yeah, that would be a whole nother podcast. I won’t even begin. 

But but I notice that, you know, for instance, in London, I feel like at that screening, you know, it’s like people are able to take in the film and then ask the real questions like, okay, so now what do we do? And this fertility awareness method work and but I have a friend who got pregnant on fertility awareness method and so what do we use and you know, like really focussing on the concrete issue at hand, you know, how do we kind of navigate this space where we don’t have tons of options right now? Right. Whereas I feel sometimes the response has been, you know, here from some of the in the U.S., from some of the liberal media, more of a like a back slap, you know what I mean? More of a little bit like put those girls in their place. Like you stay in your place and you’re not you’re not being a good feminist. This is not a movie that anyone needs. And this is dangerous. And this is going to this is, you know, fear mongering and. 

I think I think Ricki was, actually that might have come up also on her BBC Woman’s Hour interview, something about fear mongering, she said. And I think that word fear mongering is super interesting, right? Because if you’re being accused of fear mongering, well, there must be something to fear. Like, what are you monitoring about? You know, it’s sort of like it’s interesting. And I feel that I feel that in the movie we were, you know, conservative. Like, for instance, we don’t talk about cancer. I mean, cancer. Connections If you want to look at scientific evidence between the connection between taking hormonal contraceptives and certain cancers. And certain autoimmune diseases. I mean, those stats are out there. Those studies are out there like we don’t even bring that up in the movie. Right. And the reason we don’t bring that up is because there’s a lot of controversy around it in the medical industry. And this study and that study. And we didn’t even touch that. You know, people talk about whether these drugs can affect fertility right, in later years. That’s controversial to talk about. We don’t touch that in the movie. 

I feel like, you know, if we wanted to be fear mongering, if we wanted to, you know, we really I feel like, you know, look at. I feel like the approach we take is is historical. We look at history. We look at race. We look at body literacy. We look at, you know, side effects. We look at, you know, I don’t know it to us. I feel like we did a good job. If you want to say this is a one sided, you know, movie. Yeah. Okay. You can say this is a one sided movie. You could also say The Business of Being Born is, quote unquote, a one sided movie. But our approach is like we don’t need to make a 90 minute movie that balances all the benefits of, you know, hormonal contraception with the downsides. Because I believe, you know, we touch on that in the beginning of the movie and we acknowledge that, you know, there’s a deep connexion with, you know, women’s liberation and the pill. But I feel like that is the mainstream narrative. That is the mainstream narrative. And and any, you know, medical practitioner you go to is going to recommend the pill or the patch or the IUD or hormonal contraception. They’re going to push it. They’re going to recommend it. They’re not going to have a nuanced conversation with you about do you prefer hormonal or non-hormonal? That is not happening. 

Le’Nise: It’s so fascinating the that word fearmongering and the idea that being more aware of what you’re putting in your body and the side effects of what you’re putting in your body could be considered fear mongering. And you’re exactly right when you say that the other side of the narrative has been told by doctors, by medical professionals who say, go on the pill. Go on, take the Mirena, have the Mirena inserted it, say it’s fine. And to have a wider conversation where you are able to understand the side effects and know this whole idea of informed consent and body literacy is a really, really interesting one. I’m really curious about what you have coming up next, because your films I’ve seen The Business of Being Born and I’ve seen The Business of Birth Control and both films, I know you have other films, but those films for me are really evocative and emotional. The Business of Being Born I actually saw while I was pregnant with my son. So yeah, I think it was on Netflix or Amazon in the UK. So I watched it and it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. So what do you have coming up next? 

Abby: Good question. I know. Well, right now, as you said, like so, we are still so The Business of Birth Control just came out in April of this year in the States. And like you said, we just it was just released on Amazon in the UK. And so right now we’re still kind of pretty deeply engaged in kind of getting that film distributed, you know, because we aren’t on any kind of a global streamer like a Netflix. So we are doing it like territory by territory, which is a lot of work. And so what we’ve just actually launched this week is we decided that because The Business of Being Born and The Business of Birth Control. And our other films. So just we have a four part series called More Business of Being Born, which is a follow up to The Business of Being Born. And that kind of goes a little bit deeper into things. There’s an episode on VBAC, there’s an episode on Ina May Gaskin. There is an episode on just celebrity births, stories, you know, things like that.

And then we have a nine part body literacy series called More Business of Birth Control that we launched. And that’s more of like an a class kind of structure. So it’s like video clips and links and articles and again, meant to follow up the business of birth control for people who want a little bit more information. So I think that what we saw, what we decided to do was say, okay, none of our work right now is available like on a Netflix or whatever. So we created our own like little mini streaming platform and we calling it The Business of Film Circle. And so basically what we’re offering people right now is to go on and instead of having like monthly, you know, streaming dues, you just pay like a one time fee and then you have lifetime access to all of our films and it’s super affordable. And we’re offering a 40% discount for birth workers and reproductive health professionals and sex educators and anybody in the field. So we’ve made it super accessible, and we’re doing this promotion right now where if you join The Film Circle, you get to gift the Film Circle membership to a friend. So it’s like a buy one, you know, gift one. 

So that’s what we just launched this week. And we’re super excited because, you know, we’ve we’ve gotten great response and so many people have signed up. And so in addition to accessing all of our film content, you also get we have a like a video archive of about 40 hours that’s different classes and courses and recordings with different hormonal health coaches. So you’ve access to that whole library. And then we do like a monthly Ask me anything series. So Ricki and I host a series where we bring different professionals on like yourself, and we have kind of a big like meeting format where we pick a topic and people come on and ask questions and get their questions answered for their reproductive health. So it’s cool because it’s kind of like joining like a mini film archive that you own for the rest of your life, but then you also are in part of this community as well. So that’s what we’re working on now because we’re learning that, you know, it’s one thing to make the content and then the distribution of the content has almost become so complicated right now in this landscape. It’s just very, you know, crowded, as you know. And so we’re doing that. And then, I don’t know, we’re looking at a couple projects. Everyone’s pushing us to do the business of menopause because that is because. 

Le’Nise: I was going to say that I was I was looking I wonder if they’re going to do anything about HRT or menopause. And there was an actually a really interesting article in New York magazine about, you know, the business of like midlife, which you should read if you haven’t read or. 

Abby: Yeah, I know. I thought, wait, was this the one in The Cut? It was in The Cut, yes. Yeah, yeah. I saw it. I know. Because I saw like Naomi Watts has launched a menopause brand and like all of these celebrities now. And I thought it was sort of interesting to think that, you know, these women that are like my generation, the Gen Xers, are, you know, looking at a different life span, like everybody’s looking to live into their nineties. Right. And so it becomes more about how do you extend, right? Like how do you extend this period of like middle age, I guess, you know, how do you extend that as long as possible? 

I think it’s fascinating. I don’t know. Like, it’s interesting. I don’t know how we’d approach it Le’Nise because I feel like, you know, with childbirth and like with contraception. I feel that a lot of what we did in the film was kind of unveil either what I feel are, you know, kind of not very transparent policies, whereas with the menopause piece, it’s different because it’s more the opposite. It’s more like nobody in the medical community has any answers and nobody is talking about it. So women have sort of taken it into their own hands to start their own companies. And I guess maybe because the medical community hasn’t figured out how to profit off it yet in the same way or, you know, maybe they’re not as interested in controlling ageing as they’re interested in controlling fertility and procreation. I think they just care less about women past fertile age as a society is my guess. But so I think we’d have to figure out, like Ricki and I have talked about it, like what’s, you know, what’s the way sort of end. And for us it was sort of like also about the ageing. Like we talked about the piece on ageing, you know, because Ricki’s sort of always obsessed, but like all of you know, these contemporaries or people she knows, you know, they get like the same plastic surgery and everybody has like the same face. And, you know, there seems to be this like idea about ageing or she let her hair go completely grey and got a lot of pushback for that, you know. And so I think that that would be also interesting to put together, right, like as of ageing in the menopause years. 

But I, I, I do think that there is. There’s a definite like it’s not even like there’s misinformation in the menopause space. Like there is there’s just lack of they’re just zero information. Like people are just fumbling in the dark and. Absolutely. You know, and. I was reading yesterday online, Nicole Jardim, who’s one of the hormonal health coaches who’s in our movie. She had a whole post on her Instagram about this because so many women in perimenopause and menopause are getting prescribed the pill. Yeah, but they’re getting prescribed and. She was just saying something simple in her post like, Hey. I think it’s actually a lot safer to do bioidentical hormones. If you’re going to do hormones, you know, don’t do the pill. And anyway, she got like severe like really attacked. And it started this whole confrontation with doctors. And I was shocked reading the comment thread to see that like some of the women said, that they have to use the pill because it’s covered by insurance where the bioidentical are not covered by insurance, so they can’t afford them. And I was like, Oh my God, that’s fascinating. Like, I never thought of that, you know? But it’s like now the pill has another way to make money, you know, is being this kind of like cheap substitute for bioidentical hormone replacement. But anyway, it’s very interesting, like comment thread on her, on her, on her website. 

Le’Nise: I mean, I feel like I could talk to you all day. You have. So you’re so interesting But you’ve shared a lot. You’ve shared your own story, very personal aspects of your own experience with the pill and coming off of it. And then, of course, there are all of the brilliant films that you’ve made. For someone listening to this podcast today. What’s the one thought that you would love to leave them with? 

Abby: I guess I just love to leave everybody with this idea of, you know. There is no kind of like one size fits all solution for any of this and there’s no shame and there’s no judgement. And you know, you’ve just got to do your research and do what works for you. 

And you know, if that means that you are going to choose to be on hormonal birth control for a number of years because that is what works for your lifestyle. You know, go do that. And there’s no reason to feel, you know, bad or worried or there’s no fear, just, you know, just research and understand and know that, you know, simple things that, you know, you might be depleting your body of certain minerals. You might want to take some supplements, you know, and take care of yourself in certain ways. 

But, you know, everybody has to make these decisions in the way that suits them and their lifestyle. And, you know, I think that sometimes, you know, I’m sure you’re the same Le’Nise, like we’re in a bubble of a lot of women who are looking for, you know, solutions outside of maybe mainstream, like medical advice or they haven’t liked what they’ve been told by their GPs and you know, so they’re looking for other solutions and so they’re open. And I just think that, you know, everybody is on their own journey and you know, the most important thing is just to, you know, advocate and and research and do what’s right for you. But I would also, you know, encourage people that if you are in a medical setting and you are not feeling like you’re being heard and you’re not feeling like you’re getting the answers that you need, you know, don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t think like, well, I can’t afford, you know, a naturopath or I can’t afford I can’t do this or I’m just a busy working mom, I don’t have time to deal with this because it doesn’t take a lot. There are great resources out there. There’s documentaries, there’s podcasts, there’s, you know, wonderful books and practitioners like you, Le’Nise. And, you know, you can get to the heart of things fairly quickly and you’d be surprised at how many things you know you can resolve. 

So I would say, you know. Be open and understand that there’s a whole world of practitioners that has developed, whether it’s in the world of hormonal coaching or naturopathy. And they’re not out to go against medical advice. They’re there to like support and integrate and expand. So I know a lot of times for women, you can get very confused because you’re you’re feeling something and you tell your doctor and your doctor says, well, I’m not going to test your hormones. That’s a waste of time. We don’t test hormones. And then you talk to a naturopath or somebody who says, Well, you must get it. And it’s very confusing and there’s a lot of conflicting evidence. So I think there’s no wrong or right, there’s no shame, there’s no judgement. It’s just like, take your time and be compassionate with yourself. But there’s a lot of free information out there online and there’s a lot of great resources. So, you know, just don’t don’t accept being told like, well, there’s nothing else you can do and you’re stuck with this because that’s that’s hardly ever true. 

Le’Nise: I completely agree. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Where can people find you? 

Abby: People can find me. Well, our film is on. Our social media is @businessofbirthcontrol. And then my personal handle is @abbyepsteinxoxo and our website is The Business of Life. So find me there. 

Le’Nise: All of those will be linked in the show notes. Thank you so much. It’s been amazing having you on the show. I know that listeners will learn so much from what you’ve shared and we’ll learn so much from your film. So thank you again. 

Abby: Thank you. And it’s been such a pleasure. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 57, Sateria Venable: You Don’t Have To Suffer

You have to listen to today’s episode of Period Story with Sateria Venable, the founder and CEO of the Fibroid Foundation. Sateria shares her story of navigating life with very heavy periods, haemorrhaging, altitude associated bleeding and fibroids. Sateria’s story is very powerful and she has grown the Fibroid Foundation out of her own very painful experiences, something she describes as very cathartic. 

In this episode, Sateria shares:

  • How she was diagnosed with fibroids
  • How to navigate fibroid diagnosis and treatment
  • The power of advocacy 
  • And the story of her first period

Sateria says that you don’t have to suffer and power through. There are many resources and information out there to help, including on the Fibroid Foundation website, Instagram page and YouTube channel. 

Thank you, Sateria! 

Get in touch with Sateria:

Website

Questions to ask your provider 

Fibroids Health Portal

YouTube

Instagram

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise: I’m so happy to have you on the podcast. You are doing really incredible work in the fibroids space and I’ve wanted to have you on the show for a while, so I’m happy that we have this opportunity to have this conversation. So let’s get into the story of your very first period. 

Sateria: Okay. Well, thanks so much for having me on this. I consider you a rock star and you’re one of our most valued alliance partners. So I’m really grateful for your partnership across the pond and your friendship. So my period story, I’m so glad that you’re hosting this podcast because this is such an important question, in my opinion, because I think that there is it’s a very personal journey and it is not always framed in a positive light. And so it can carry, I think, some serious emotional baggage for a young person experiencing puberty. And my journey was much like what I’ve just described, I. It was a little funny, actually. My mom is an older parent, so she had me at 37, so she was not as familiar with the most current period products at the time. And it had been so far removed from her experience that it was just kind of humorous. So I had pain on my right side about a month before my 12th birthday, and my mother thought I was having an appendicitis attack. And then I was ovulating. You know, we found out two weeks later that I was ovulating. So my periods started. I don’t remember really bad cramps the first period, but my mom handed me this enormous sanitary napkin that was like an inch plus thick. And then she gave me a belt to go with it. And I was like, What in the hell is this? You know, I was like just a few days before my 12th birthday, and I was trying to figure out, you know, I think it was in like the seventh grade. And I was trying to figure out this belt and this pad and wondering why in the world anybody would want to have to deal with all of this. 

And it was just really awkward. I think that’s the best word I can think of to describe my experience, because I would catch the bus to school public transportation. And I remember distinctly standing on the bus, you know, first for the first few period experiences and feeling very exposed and wondering if people knew or just not wanting to have to deal with it. And then I also remember being in school and not really feeling comfortable excusing myself to go to the bathroom probably as frequently as I should. So it was it was, I think, not ideal for really uplifting menstruation, but that was my my first or first couple of period experiences. 

Le’Nise: Wow. So I want to really ask about the sanitary belt because you’re the first guest that I’ve spoken to that has used a sanitary belt. Maybe some others have, but they didn’t mention it. And I’m fascinated by that because I actually went to the Vagina Museum here in London earlier in the summer, and I actually learnt that it was the belt was originated by a Black woman and they went through the whole history of it. So and then they had they had an example there. And I remember looking at it with in complete fascination because it just seemed so foreign to what compared to what we have on the market now. So can you just talk a little bit more about how how it works using the belt? 

Sateria: The belt is seems far away from me as well because I didn’t use it for long because I hated it. I went and found some more current products, but it was like a woven kind of. It wasn’t gauze. It was more like a cotton woven panty that you step into. And the sides were just like. A little less than an inch wide, and they went kind of up over your hips in kind of like a thong kind of shape to hold the pad in place. And you would wear that under your underpants. And it didn’t do a great job of holding the pad in place. I mean, because, you know, you’d have little spill over here and a little spill over there. But and then the pad had. Long gauze pieces that were flat that extended like five or six inches out from the pad itself in both directions. So you had this it kind of felt almost like it was coming up to your belly button and all the way up in the back. Because of those those they were almost kind of like see through it was what? So there was a huge cotton section or whatever that was. That was the base of the pad. And then whatever they wrapped the pad in, they had extensions that went far off the ends in the front, in the back that kind of came up. And so you’d have all of this going on and then your underpants on top of it, it was, well, you’ve got a headache just thinking about it. 

Le’Nise: And so your this is what your mom gave you when you had your first period. And did she explain to you what was going on? Did she talk to you about her experience of her period to give you a little bit more kind of background about what to expect? 

Sateria: She didn’t talk much about having your first period and what that means, but she did tell me all the horrible stuff. I had seen, so I guess when my period started, my mother was 49. And I had seen her have some very. Just painful period experiences. And she told me about how horrible her cramps had been when her periods started, which I, I think she meant well. But, you know, I think that added to the horror of it all. 

Le’Nise: So you had this experience where you were given the this belt and a big bulky pad and then you went and found something that was a little better for you. And then how did you learn more about periods and ovulation and all everything to do with menstrual health? 

Sateria: From my friends in school. I remember my friend in the sixth grade who was the first person that I knew to start her period. And so we were all kind of like in awe like, oh, wow. You know, we thought at that time that that was something we wanted to be in that club, you know, like have a period. And then once my period started, I I’m I’m a person who I felt my ovulation every single month. And so I started to learn my body. It would tell me that, okay, you’re ovulating, right? Ovulating left. Two weeks later, period’s going to start. And I also had friends who had really bad cramps like me. So one of my friends would have some really strong Motrin, not the over-the counter, but, you know, prescription Motrin. And she would give it to us because our cramps were that bad. She would give us the Motrin in school. We were in school popping Motrin. So we would amongst us my little core unit of friends, the ones that had really bad cramps, would share information and that’s how I learnt to adapt to it and understand what was happening. But my general expectation sadly was that it was going to be terrible and that’s what it was because of what I had seen and the family stories that went back to my great grandmother of terrible periods. 

Le’Nise: So your periods you have that expectation and then your periods were terrible. So you mentioned really bad cramps. What was it? What else about your period was not so great? 

Sateria: I think it was the the social impact, the awkwardness. I specifically remember being 15 and going on a date. I think I was almost 16 and I had this cute pair of white shorts that I wanted to wear that I had just gotten. And I was out at the barbecue, and my bleeding got worse than I anticipated. And I didn’t bleed through the shorts. But the just panic around navigating trips to the bathroom and being in the company of a guy that I was interested in and trying to have fun with my friends. But also having this experience was just really challenging and not a feel good moment. 

Le’Nise: And how did you how did you resolve the situation? 

Sateria: I befriended a woman who a girl at the time who was with me who was dating another guy that was there. And she kind of like accompanied me to the bathroom to make it seem not as obvious that I had a purpose for going there rather than as just kind of having girl talk. And and she really helped me through that moment at that time. 

Le’Nise: Yeah. Yeah. And so you were bleeding heavily and so were heavy periods also another feature of your kind of menstrual life? 

Sateria: Always. My periods were horrible. The first day or two when my cervix would open. My periods would. It was like contractions. And I would get so sick that I would vomit and I couldn’t get too hot or too cold because that would cause me to be nauseous and I would just have to sleep it off after I took some over-the-counter medication, like the first, maybe the first or second day, and then I wouldn’t be in pain, but I’d be dealing with heavy menstrual bleeding. And I remember not having a sensitive ear in my high school teachers and like the ninth or 10th grade, if I needed to leave school to go home because I was so sick from the period pain. So it just was it was it was difficult. 

Le’Nise: And it was that every single period. 

Sateria: Every single period, every single one up until I started the birth control pill at 18. And then like cramping the contraction cramping that came in waves of pain from the time my period started through that time, that subsided greatly. 

Le’Nise: Okay. So the timeline was basically you got your period when you were in grade six, sixth grade.

Sateria: Seventh. 

Le’Nise: Oh seventh, sorry. And so that was about, what, 11, 12 years old? 

Sateria: Yes.

Le’Nise: And so from 11, 12 all the way until 18, every single period, you would be missing school, vomiting, having to take all of these heavy prescription drugs to manage your period. Did you go to the doctor? Did you. Did you have conversations with your mom about how to manage your period pain and the heavy bleeding? 

Sateria: No. I didn’t go to the doctor. I. My mom would come home from work, and I’d be in the bed, curled up in a ball from having left school. And she’d just be like, Oh, poor baby, what do you need? And that was the that was the extent of the conversation. It was like, okay, this is life. Right? Yeah. Which makes me sad, actually, because she didn’t have the tools that we have now to frame that experience differently. 

Le’Nise: That kind of reminds me of the experience of my mom, because now my family, we have really heavy periods, painful periods that’s just runs in the family as well. And so my mom, she would have these really long, long, almost endless periods. We know now that she had fibroids and really painful periods and she just thought it was normal because that was the experience of all the women in her family. And that kind of like just this these stories that were passed down like, well, this is just part of having a period. And it’s so fascinating that now we have all the information now to kind of break break that cycle. 

Sateria: Exactly. I, I totally agree. It’s really just it was the norm. You know, my mom had an experience of just always suffering, and we just thought that that was just the way life was. Going to be. Just power through it. And. You know, existing in workspaces and school spaces and pain was seemingly our price.

Le’Nise: And and going back to when you were 18, you went on the pill. And what was your experience of going on the pill? 

Sateria: My experience of going on the pill was great because I could and I knew when my period was going to start, I could plan for it better. I wasn’t in as much pain and it made my periods a little lighter. So that made life. That worked for quite a few years until it didn’t. 

Le’Nise: Okay, so that’s interesting. So there is a narrative at the moment about the pill and a lot more people are realising some of the side effects. But for you, the pill worked and it did what the doctor said it was going to do for you for for how many years? And then just say a little bit more about what you said about it worked until it didn’t. 

Sateria:  Sure. So, you know, those moments in life, kind of like with me standing on the bus when I first started my period. There are things that happen in life where you remember exactly where you were. And I think I took the pill often on from like 18 to 31, and it was mainly to control bleeding for my heavy menstrual bleeding. So I was living in Chicago and I was walking toward the bus stop to go to work. I was 31 and I felt blood and it was not time for my period to start. And I was on the pill at the time and that was breakthrough bleeding. And that was my first experience of breakthrough bleeding. And I thought in my mind that because I’m always trying to figure out how to resolve this. What can I do? And I thought, okay. I think that if the pill’s not working anymore, that my body can hold the blood back between periods better than the pill can. So I stopped the pills without consulting a doctor, without anything else. 

Well, I was right about the fact that my body could hold the blood back during periods. So I stopped the pill. I had a period, and then I didn’t have any breakthrough bleeding. But when that period started after that, without any of the medication from the pill in my body, I haemorrhaged for two and a half months. I had to have a surgery two and a half months later to remove what they call a pedunculated fibroid, which was only two centimetres. But my body was trying to flush it out. And I my haemoglobin went down to, I think, seven, between six and seven, which is about half of what you’re supposed to have in your body. And I was bleeding through a bag of pads almost every day. 

Le’Nise: Oh, my goodness. And what was the effect of that? Two and a half months on you emotionally?

Sateria: It was. Horrifying because I. I didn’t know I was learning about anaemia. I didn’t understand anaemia. I didn’t understand why I was having difficulty breathing. I just was. And again, I still had that mindset from earlier in life with just trying to power through. So I was still trying to go to work and I was still trying to figure out ways to raise my haemoglobin. I was drinking beet and carrot juice and taking iron supplements and still trying to plan to go on a vacation, which sounds crazy. I actually did go on the vacation. So this is an interesting story if we have time. 

Le’Nise: Yeah.

Sateria: So I worked with a naturopath who practically saved my life, Dr. Pittman. And she would adjust my body head to toe during this time to reduce the bleeding because we were trying to stabilise the bleeding. So we got the bleeding under control. And then it was about raising my haemoglobin because I was so anaemic and I wanted to go on this trip. Oh my goodness. So we she said, okay, if your haemoglobin gets to nine, you can go on the trip. But if it’s below nine, you cannot go. So I’m drinking beet and carrot juice every day and taking an iron supplement that was organic so that it didn’t constipate me. So I got my haemoglobin up. We got the bleeding to stop. I get on the plane and unbeknown to me. I was going to a higher altitude. Well, naturally in the plane. But my ultimate destination was the higher altitude. One hour into the flight, I started bleeding. Because of the altitude. And when I got to my destination, which was Colorado. The haemorrhaging started and it would not stop. So I had no experience of altitude associated bleeding prior to that time. So long story short, I was back in Chicago a day later. I had to leave. I had to come back. And as soon as I got off the plane in Chicago and took in a breath of air, when I deplaned, I started feeling better because I wasn’t at that higher altitude that was thinning my blood, that was making me bleed. But then after that, I still had to have another surgery. It was it was. It was an absolute mess. I mean, just. 

Le’Nise: I want to talk a little bit about altitude associated bleeding, because I know that there has been some listeners who had never heard of that before. So when you go to different altitudes, a higher altitude, the body needs more oxygen, in order to breathe. And if you already have low haemoglobin, so the protein that pushes oxygen through the blood. Talk a little bit about the link between the bleeding and the haemoglobin and the altitude. 

Sateria: Well, you actually described it better than I’ve ever heard it described before because my doctor at the time said, I can’t help you. You just need to come back to Chicago. But I. Because you’re you know, as you mentioned, your blood thins because of the altitude to adjust to the higher altitude. You are really susceptible to more bleeding. And I really when I got to Colorado, my symptoms were worse because of the altitude. I actually was seeing stars, which I had never seen before. Like my haemoglobin was that low. I was walking in the grocery store looking for more pads because I hadn’t brought enough because I had stopped, you know, bleeding before I left. And I was walking in the grocery store seeing stars because I was losing that much blood that fast and becoming anaemic again. So it was very scary. 

Le’Nise: And you went back to Chicago and then you had another surgery shortly after that. And what was that surgery for? 

Sateria: That was my second fibroid surgery, and it was a laparoscopy where they enter your vagina and loop out with a heated implement, the fibroid. And it was a two centimetre small fibroid that was extending into my uterine cavity that my body was trying to flush out. I had other fibroids, two other ones, but that was the the small two centimetre one was the the really troublemaker. And and people think that when they hear fibroids, that it’s the large ones that are the catalyst for all the bleeding. It doesn’t have to be. It is contingent on the location, whether or not it’s pushing on the wall of the uterus and opening up blood vessels or in this case, it extending into the uterine cavity, that it can wreak havoc even in small sizes. 

Le’Nise: So talk a little bit more about your journey with fibroids. You have founded this amazing charity called The Fibroid Foundation, and you do incredible work, truly incredible work. And, you know, I remember when I first we first connected, I was so amazed because you know, I have a personal experience of fibroid in that my mom had had surgery. She told me the other day about how she had a partial hysterectomy to remove her, a fibroid that was the size of a grapefruit. But then she didn’t know any more details. And I was asking her and asking her and she was like, Yeah, I had that partial hysterectomy and that was it. And I found that so mindblowing because, you know, it’s, you know, I just crave information, but I digress. So I am so curious about your journey with the fibroids, because, you know, when we stopped after your trip to Colorado, that was your second fibroid surgery. But when did you first learn that you had fibroids? 

Sateria: I was 26. And even due to this intense family history, the bleeding got to be too much for even me. So I went to the doctor to find out what I could do and she said, You have a fibroid. She didn’t tell me what it was. She said You had to have a fibroid. And I immediately thought cancer and felt like very fearful. And she said the best treatment is a hysterectomy. And I was like, what? Like, the best treatment is a hysterectomy? I’m 26 years old. No kids like. And whether I have kids or not is a non-issue, which is something that I talk about all the time. It’s like, what? Quality of life and keeping a body part, you know, is the priority here. 

So I actually found another physician who told me that they could remove the fibroid laparoscopy, do a laparoscopy, but they couldn’t guarantee that they could close my uterus after they removed what was then I think about a five centimetre fibroid on top of my bladder. So we scheduled this surgery and they prepped me for the surgery and they tried to dilate my cervix prior to the surgery. And so I’m walking around the hospital trying to have my cervix dilate, which is one of the most agonising experiences that I can ever describe and I get in the surgery. This doctor didn’t know what she was doing. She punctured my uterus with the implement and had to bring me out of surgery and no fibroids were removed. So I had flown my family into town prepped for three months on medication for this surgery was high as a kite from the drugs from the surgery came out and they told me that nothing was done and we were at square one. 

So after that, naturally I was incredibly fearful about surgeries, which is why I had that experience of the breakthrough bleeding and tried to figure it out on my own. The second surgery was successful and I still didn’t understand the correlation between diet and hormones and fibroid growth. So I was eating the same things. And so from my experience has been that after every procedure, nine months later, my body has grown more fibroids and that I’m experiencing more heavy menstrual bleeding just like before. So. I. I went for five more years and powered through the bleeding until a doctor actually grabbed my hand and said, Sateria, you cannot continue to live like this. And he was very kind. He’s on our medical advisory board now, Dr. Milad at Northwestern in Chicago. And he drew me a picture of my, of the surgery and how he was going to perform it. And he sent me to get an MRI. 

Until that point, with all the doctors I’d seen, I never had an MRI. And he explained to me that each fibroid has its own blood supply. And for him to be able to really perform a successful surgery, he would want to be able to see in 3D where the blood supply was and where every fibroid is. Because if you just utilise an ultrasound, the ultrasound sometimes fibroids will hide and you can’t see everything that’s there. So that was very new information for me. It made perfect sense, but I was really a little sad and upset that it took all of those experiences for me to get to a comprehensive provider who cared about me as a patient and my experience as a patient, and who would talk to me in a way that had a good bedside manner, which is, I think we don’t talk enough about and really wanted me to be well. He wasn’t just treating symptoms or just trying to get a surgery done. He was looking at the overall picture. So he performed an open myomectomy, which is. It was a successful surgery, but it’s also a very hard surgery on the body. And there’s lots of emotions that come with being cut open, your uterus, lifted out of your body, the fibroids, cut out, the uterus and back together and put back in. But he did that successfully. And then I had to deal with the emotional healing and being very tender for months and dealing with work and, you know, trying to survive and getting reimbursements for work and being out of income for that eight weeks, six, eight weeks, whatever it was. So. That was surgery number three. And of course, after that I swore no more fibroid surgery. So it’s like, no, there’s no way I became a pescatarian. I wasn’t eating any meat, which for me is coming from a family where if if you shed one tear, somebody puts a pie in front of you. It’s a huge, like, food related family. And so I stopped eating meat for seven years and I was still having bleeding that was completely out of control. 

Being a pescatarian lengthened the regrowth significantly, which is an action that I wish I had known to take previously. But I still was facing another surgery, and at that time I didn’t want another myomectomy because I didn’t want to deal with that abdominal incision and just anything intrusive. So I opted for embolisation. With another member of our medical advisory board. And I was fortunate in the fact that because I do this work and the foundation was active at that time, but it took me like a month to get into surgery with probably the top embolisation or radiology expert in fibroids in the world. And so he performed my my fourth and final fibroid surgery. 

But it’s been a journey. I mean, I know women who’ve had multiple myomectomies trying to conceive and we as women deal with so much of bodies. And it’s considered our normal plight. And it I think that’s a topic that needs to be further explored. And in terms of what the expectations are, you know, and how society frames how women deal with pain. I think it’s a just a huge burden placed upon us that should not be, and it has overarching consequences on society. I think society doesn’t fully grasp how everyone is affected. When we are in pain and in pain chronically and in it becomes our normal walk of life, supposedly or you know, that’s the expectation there. We need to and I’m glad that we’re having this conversation today because that reality needs to shift and we need to continue to talk about this because I don’t want anyone. And that’s why I started the Fibroid Foundation, is I don’t want anyone to have to go through what I went through. 

Le’Nise: Here. Here. I completely agree. I mean, we’re singing from the same hymn sheet here. Everything you said about, you know, ending this normalising normalisation of pain. I completely agree. You talk a lot about the emotional impact of the surgeries, the the heavy menstrual bleeding, the continual menstrual bleeding. If we kind of go back to our timeline. When did all of this stop for you? 

Sateria: A few years ago, I worked my last hospital visit, oh, my goodness, was 2018. I was experiencing bleeding, and I had this crazy idea. I’m not crazy, but I had this idea that if I stabilise my liver, I would be okay. So I did a celery juice cleanse. Well, that sent my whole body into shock. And my haemoglobin again dipped to 6.2. 

Le’Nise: Oh, my. 

Sateria: And I had to be transfused. And that was my last hospital visit. So I was transfused and sent home. And I stopped the celery juice. And, you know, apart from some perimenopause symptoms, I’ve been okay. But I did use a medical therapy to get through perimenopause, which is a medicine to help control my period bleeding. Had I not had that medication, which is used in Europe, but you have to request it practically in the United States. Um, and I probably would have had to have a hysterectomy. So fortunately, I have my uterus and. You know, it’s through platforms like yours. It’s all about educating our sisters on how to have a better quality of life. 

Le’Nis: You mentioned meditation. Is that Transexamic acid? Yeah. So that is quite easy to get here in the UK. 

Sateria: Yeah. Yeah. But not in the States. And despite all the work that I do, I had never heard of it until one of our board members said Sateria, why don’t you get this in? So I had I always select physicians who will work with me. And so even my general practitioner, I asked her to prescribe it for me and she wasn’t aware of it. She did some research. She said, Sure, I’ll prescribe that for you. And that’s how I was able to get it. 

Le’Nise: Wow. So you have had to be your own advocate this entire time. 

Sateria: Always.

Le’Nise: And what I’m quite struck about is. What you said about how you had to power through this. You you know, you just kept going. You had to power through. And that doctor held your hand and said, it’s enough. You know, you need to you know, this needs to end. And just talk a little bit about why you felt like you just had to push through. 

Sateria: Well, I hadn’t seen, that had been my life experience. Like for me to get ahead, I felt like I needed to exceed expectations and always be present and reliable and perform well at my job. And. And I also. It was a major and still am. Uh, my family’s very, you know, the person who is responsible for a lot of the financial needs of our family. And the thought of not working didn’t even occur to me until I could barely walk. And so I think that. That societal burden, which came from generations back. Because, you know, like I said, my my mom referenced the bleeding that my great grandmother had. And my grandmother and I watched my mother sit in agony. And then my mother took me out in a snowstorm to get boots for school and she had to double up on pads. And she I can’t even imagine what agony she was in, but that that was you know, those were the stories that I had, you know, had running in my mind. And so I really sacrificed my well-being to meet others expectations and to have income. I think those were the major drivers and I’m so proud of younger generations who are more focussed on self-care. That’s one of the reasons why we really make that a focal point at the Fibroid Foundation is that you have to care for yourself. And and I’m glad that there are conversations taking place that are making employers take on the responsibility of participating in avenues to self care for the people that work at their organisations. It’s so incredibly important to be able to have a better quality of life overall. 

Le’Nise: So say a little bit more about the Fibroid Foundation. So you’re the founder and the CEO and the work that you do is fantastic. You went to the White House. You met the Vice President. Talk a little bit more about the work you do and your vision for the future. 

Sateria: Okay. Well, I feel very fortunate to be able to see the Fibroid Foundation grow out of an experience that was so painful and that is very cathartic for me personally. And being able to actually speak with our community members and see how our information is helping them is probably at the height of of gratification for me when I when I think about the work that we do. 

So we really focus on four major areas, which are education and information for treatments. We focus on legislation. We initiated the advocacy efforts for the introduction of the fibroid bill, which will be $150 million of fibroid research funding here in the United States, which the hope is that that research will then parlay into other research efforts and provide more information globally, because even though a lot of the work that we do is US based, the goal is definitely to have a global impact. We bring the patient voice to research. So so far, which I cannot believe Le’Nise, I’ve co-authored 12 medical papers as a non-physician and  we are focussed on designing research studies as co-PR with our medical partners to bring forth the patient voice, because the patient voice is pivotal in all of this. And lastly, but not least is innovation. We’re always looking at ways, like I said, medical therapies, but the patient voice needs to be in that as well, because the well-meaning developers of the innovations don’t have the experience most often of the therapy and how life transpires when you’re taking it, when you’re preparing to take it, or the surgery. And so we always need the patient voice present. And I’m actually following in your footsteps and I’m writing a book called The Patient Voice. 

Le’Nise: Oh, fantastic. And I can’t wait to read that. 

Sateria: So we hope to hope to have that out next year. So fingers crossed. 

Le’Nise: Fantastic. So if someone’s listening to this and they suspect that they have fibroids. But they’re kind of hitting a brick wall in terms of diagnosis and treatment. What would you say to them? 

Sateria: I would say keep the faith. Find that a trusted resource. Don’t just take information wherever you find it because you’re fatigued. I understand fatigue and I understand the fear of experiencing some of these symptoms. But make sure that the source that you find is verified, trusted, has reliable resources who are licenced. Whether you go the holistic route and or the medical route, I advocate both. I think you should have what I call your toolkit of wellness providers that have medical expertise and holistic expertise, and both should have credentials that you really vet carefully. But find your, talk to people. Find those resources. Interview the physician. Advocate for yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask questions because your you’re the expert in your body and you know what you want for yourself. So find that practitioner who’s going to be skilled but also kind. And help you to accomplish your goals and then also do what you need to do to build in that self-care practise into your life overall. Try to get your partners engaged to bring them to appointments with you, because that partner support is important. And for me personally and a lot of other people, if you don’t get that support from your partner, that’s another area to explore so that you can be well overall. 

Le’Nise: So a lot of what you’re describing requires a lot of energy. And thinking back to your experience where you’ve just described pushing through and pushing through. That self-care piece you mentioned is really important to kind of preserve energy and rebuild. But what would you say to someone who says like, that sounds really hard. I’m really frustrated. What would you say to them? 

Sateria: Try, if you’re fatigued and I get that, try to find a friend who can help carry that burden with you. I have a dear friend who’s a physician, and she had another friend who was experiencing some pretty serious medical issues. And even though that person who was sick was a physician, she went to the appointment with her to help her to navigate those waters. So, you know, find those friends. And when you’re not feeling well, the people that you rely on, you’ll learn who they are, who they are. You you will learn very quickly who those people are in your life, who you can really depend on. That’s another big eye opener. But, you know, I understand fatigue and try to maybe take everything in bite sized pieces and lean on organisations such as ours. We have a peer network where we’re happy to do whatever we can to help you find the information you need, connect you with our ambassadors so you can speak with them. 

And I’m of the mind that there’s no reason to reinvent the wheel like someone’s gone through this already. There’s information. We have information on YouTube. Look at that. And we have a list of questions you can take to your doctor on our website. And you can download those. And that’s a good starting point as well as our Fibroids Health Portal, where you can learn about treatment options. And, you know, if you start there, you will have good information to be able to help you have a conversation with your your physician. 

And I will also say that if your physician comes in and wants to have a conversation while you’re in stirrups, ask them that. You tell them, rather, that you would like to have a conversation when you’re fully dressed. That that is incredibly important for you to be able to have the comfort of having a conversation. You shouldn’t have to do that in stirrups at any time. 

Le’Nise: So much powerful information that you shared and all of the resources that you’ve mentioned will be linked in the show notes. So check those out to find out what the resources Sateria’s just mentioned. So you shared a really powerful, emotional story. You shared all of the fantastic work that you’re doing with the Fibroid Foundation. What’s the one thing that you want to leave our listeners with today? 

Sateria: That you’re powerful. You’re absolutely powerful. And that you can create life as you need it to be for you and that you don’t have to suffer. 

Le’Nise: You don’t have to suffer. Fantastic. You are powerful. I love that. I really feel that. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. For anyone who wants to find out more about Sateria and the Fibroid Foundation. Please check the show notes. Please look at their Instagram, their YouTube to find out more. Spread the word. Fibroids are incredibly common and really under-discussed, so please support their work. Thank you so much. 

Sateria: Thank you, Le’Nise. I love all the work that you’re doing as well. And this has been probably my favourite, favourite conversation. So I’m so glad that this is going out into the sphere to help others. And I hope that you have continued success on all the wonderful work that you’re doing. 

Le’Nise: Thank you so much. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 56, Cheryl Woodman: You Can Have Clear Skin

If you have skin issues, you definitely need to check today’s episode of Period Story with Cheryl Woodman. Cheryl is a scientist, award-winning skincare formulator and acne expert. 

In this episode, Cheryl shares:

  • How you should actually be washing your face
  • Common triggers for acne 
  • Her own acne healing journey 
  • And the story of her first period

Cheryl says that if you understand the underlying biology changes of what’s causing your skin to become acne-prone, you can be empowered to take back control of your skin health and to get clear without the need for acne meds. If you want to work with Cheryl, use the code GETCLEAR20 to get 20% off her course Acne Warrior. 

Thank you, Cheryl! 

Get in touch with Cheryl:

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Website

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise: Tell me the story of your very first period. 

Cheryl: Sure. First of all, thank you so much for having me. I remember when you invited me on the show and I thought back about how many years it’s been since I shared the story about when I had my first period and when I was much younger. It used to be something I’d share with my close girlfriends all the time, and it would be quite a bonding experience. Now I’m 35 and it’s something that I’ve not spoken about in so long, so it’s going to be really good to relive it today. 

So for me I had my first period when I was in about year 8 or 9 at secondary school, so I think about 13 or 14 years old. And it was the weekend, I think it was about spring time because I remember it being a sunny day but not super warm. And I was with my parents visiting an English Heritage site which my dad loved to do, when he lived in the UK and I of course found so boring and really didn’t want to be there. This site that we were visiting on the weekend, it had like a live re-enactment on and it had some food stores and jewellery sellers, so it was a little bit more exciting than the usual visits. I remember reading needing the toilet, and so I went with my mom. And the bathrooms they were renovating at the time. So they had these portaloos lined up and this castle had almost like a big square green in the middle of it, and it had a pathway that run down the centre of the green, and they’d stacked these portaloos all the way up against this pathway. I remember there was this massive queue of people needing to use the toilet. So I eventually got into this portoloo and a big, dark blue plastic portaloo and I  can’t see so well inside. And your eyes are adjusting from the bright sunshine outside. I went to use the toilet and I remember suddenly realising that I had blood in my underwear and oh my goodness, I started my first period and I can’t speak to my mum about that because there’s so many people outside. And I remember just taking a load of toilet tissue and putting that in my underwear. By the time I came out of the portaloo to leave, my mum had already gone into a different portaloo so I couldn’t speak to her and my dad and my sister were waiting. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it in front of them, so I just kind of kept it to myself and I was just hoping that I wasn’t going to leak probably through my trousers. And I remember we went around the jewellery store with my mum and my mum actually bought me a ring that I still have to this day. And I always think about that ring as being the day I started my period and we eventually, after maybe an hour went back to the car and then my dad spotted this walk near the car and he said, Oh, so we should give this walk again. I remember just screaming inside. No, Dad, I need to get home and speak to Mum. 

And anyway, we went for this walk and eventually got home. And again my mum was desperate for the toilet. She ran into the house and I ran in behind. But by the time I’d got there she’d lock the door and I banged on the door and I think she’d had enough of me and my sister that day. So she was like, Just wait your time. And so I stood outside and she opened the door and I bundled straight and locked the door behind me and her. I said, Mum, I’ve started my period. I don’t remember too much of what she said. I remember that she showed me where the pads were, which was the side of the bath tub came down and the pads were behind that. And I also remember that she asked me, Are you okay? And I remember thinking, Oh, am I not supposed to be okay? I am. But yeah, I think I’m okay. I’m good. I’m good with this. And that was my first period. 

Le’Nise: You sounded like you were quite comfortable once you were able to finally speak to your mom, to share with her what happened. And she asked you. She sounded like she was very empathetic. How did you learn about what was actually happening to you?

Cheryl: Yeah. I think that’s a really interesting question because I, I don’t know if there was any point when I really did learn what was happening to me. I think it was being a scientist. I’m going to use the word osmosis, the gradual soaking in of pieces of information from biology class at school. And we had PSHE lessons, so I knew it was natural to have a monthly bleed. And I knew the basics of, of what starting your period meant in that I could get pregnant. But other than that, I didn’t really know too much. When I was thinking about coming on your podcast today, there was one memory that stuck out from school, and I don’t think it was PSHE class, but it was a biology class when they started to talk a little bit about female hormone health, and I don’t know if you remember this from your science classes, but they wheeled in the TV, these huge cathode ray tube TVs, and they put a video on it, which seemed like it’d been filmed 30 years before. And it was really it was really strange because it was a there was a man talking about what to expect every month. And then there was this video of a woman going about her day and finding everything really stressful. And it was talking about PMS and all these symptoms that you might get at different times of the month and headaches. 

And I remember it being more of a negative feeling that, oh my gosh, we’ve got to deal with this every month. And it being more portrayal of what a natural period is and that it comes with these negative symptoms. Which which is interesting to think back on, because I know now that’s not a normal period and that’s not normal for a woman to experience that it during every cycle. And if you are getting symptoms like that, then it’s an indicator of something going on inside. But other than that, I think it’s more has been more talking with friends and sharing stories when you were younger about what was normal and what you’re experiencing and then if there has been anything which has happened for me. So I think a big a big learning for me when I looked at my female hormone patterns more deeply was actually when I started to get breakouts and acne. And it was because of that symptom, which I was concerned and worried about, that I started to look more into my female hormone health and my period health and what that was telling me. So not necessarily that I ever went looking to learn about periods, but that signals my body was giving me made me eventually start getting to know my period health in more detail. 

Le’Nise: And when you first got your period, your mum asked you if you were okay. What was your experience of your period like? 

Cheryl: Sure. So my period my my first few years, I didn’t really get any negative symptoms other than I remember. My third period was very specific. I had the worst period cramping and I just remember not being able to sit still, but also not being able to keep moving. It was this really weird conflict of I didn’t feel like I had anything that could make it better. And I remember sitting on the bathroom floor with my knees poured into my stomach and my mom offering me a hot water bottle and I thought it would just make me feel quite sick, and not help. And I took the hot water bottle and within ten, 20 minutes, I was feeling so much better and just thinking, wow, this is really helpful. And I remember my mum saying to me, actually on that day that, Oh, maybe you’re going to be one of these women who has period cramps really bad. And obviously when you’ve not had an experience of so many periods, I thought to myself, Oh my goodness, am I going to have to deal with this every month? But it just seemed to be a one off actually. 

After that, my periods I didn’t get regular cramping and if I got any mild cramping, then I would sort it out with a hot water bottle. And it worked quite well for me. It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties when I started to get more period related symptoms like acne breakouts and cystic jawline acne I had, which is when I started to look into my female hormone health in a bit more detail. And it also coincided with a journey of using different contraceptives because I’d I’d been struggling with acne and breakouts and seeing them fluctuate with my monthly cycle for a few years. But being able to deal with it through some skincare products and it not bothering me too much and I changed my contraceptive to the copper coil because I wanted it to be non-hormonal and I saw a huge increase in my breakouts in combination with my periods becoming a lot, lot heavier. And that was really when I started to look into what was happening hormonally, why I was breaking out, and how I could help to heal my skin. Because the breakouts that I was getting when I was on the copper coil were really deep rooted, painful cystic breakouts along my jawline, and they were barely healing before more were cropping up. And I just was in this never ending cycle of oily skin and breakouts that really started to impact the way that I was feeling. I felt really down about it and it really was affecting my self-confidence at work because I felt like nobody would take me seriously with all these breakouts on my face. 

Le’Nise: So were you originally prescribed the pill for the breakouts and the acne? 

Cheryl: That’s really interesting question because it’s definitely what many women are prescribed when they go to see the doctor when they have acne. Actually, I previous to that, I had been taking the mini pill and it was of my own accord that I wanted to stop taking that and come off onto a non-hormonal method of contraception. So I almost had the reverse experience of what many of my clients have, and so I came off that went on to the copper coil, and I remember speaking to the doctor about these symptoms that it was worsening my acne and that my periods were heavier. I remember her saying, you know, it’s quite normal. Sometimes it does make periods happier, but there’s not any indication that that’s linked with acne or that the copper coil could be causing your acne in any way. I knew personally because it was my body that there had been a very distinct change between coming off of the mini pill and going on to the copper coil on my skin flaring up with that. And of course, the copper coil with it making your periods heavier is having an effect and an effect on the inflammation levels within your body as well. And when you’re dealing with inflammatory hormonal acne, that can very much worsen the symptoms that you are experiencing. So for me, birth control wasn’t something that I used or had used to control acne, but it was that I’d seen a worsening of it with switching. 

Le’Nise: And when? How long were you on the copper coil? 

Cheryl: I think I may have had it for about a year. I had it removed for the reasons that it was making my periods excessively heavy. And I was somebody when I was younger, he tended to have heavier periods anyway and. Had it removed for those reasons. And I definitely saw an improvement in my breakouts as well. When it was removed, they didn’t go away completely, but there was an improvement in them. 

Le’Nise: Okay, that’s interesting. And were you then advised to go on to another form of contraceptive? Or were you. That was the end of your journey with hormonal and non hormonal contraceptives. 

Cheryl: Yeah. So when. When I came off the copper coil, I went on to the Mirena coil as kind of an in-between, it being a more localised hormone, not taking it orally as a tablet every day. And in the Mirena coil that did that to my skin somewhat, but I was still getting cystic breakouts and I switched after I was on the Mirena coil  for quite some time, and then I switched on to the fertility awareness methods as being a non-hormonal method of contraception. And in the same way that we spoke about with the pill sometimes being prescribed for acne, I’m really not a fan of that when I work with women who’ve been on the pill for helping to control the acne. 

It’s something that I don’t recommend because it’s shutting down your natural hormone production and it puts the plaster on what’s happening underneath. And actually for me it was the same with birth control. When I came off of the Mirena coil onto the fertility awareness method, it took many years, my periods to come back. That’s not actually a normal, normal thing to experience. Usually when you have the Mirena removed, periods will come back fairly quickly. 

But for me, being on the Mirena coil, I wasn’t getting a period when I used that method of contraception, so my body wasn’t able to talk to me when I was going through certain things to say, Hey, something’s up here. You’ve now lost your period. So it was a journey over a few years again to get my periods back and to really understand what my body was doing. And actually it’s only really been this year that I’ve got a good handle on how to support my body in having a regular period. 

For me, what I’ve identified as a big trigger. So I play tag rugby quite competitively. I play for Yorkshire and for Great Britain and our training really ramps up over the summer months and we have very intensive even weekend training sessions of 4 hours and playing tag rugby. It’s more like HIIT session. So it’s lots of quick sprinting on the pitch and it’s quite a hard on your body from that point of view. And I’d very much seen the last two years that when I go through that heavy intensive training period in the summer months, my periods become irregular and sometimes stop, whereas in the winter they they come back and they start to become more regular. So. It’s been a learning experience through contraceptives, trying to understand my period health and what works to help my body have a really healthy, natural period. 

Le’Nise: It’s so interesting, the journey that you’ve been on from the mini pill to the copper coil to the Mirena coil to now fertility awareness method. So for listeners who aren’t aware, that is where you use a combination of the signs that your body is giving you, like your cervical fluid, changes in energy, mood, and also your basal body temperature, which you take every morning just after you wake up to tell you when you’re most fertile. So to turn that’s a real journey and also then layering on what the changes that you see in your period and menstrual cycle from intense exercise. It’s really and what I find really fascinating and of course it makes sense because you’re a scientist it’s that you and you kind of are you have this awareness of all of the different things that have affected your period and then the kind of side effects were the acne and so on and so forth. Just going back to what you were saying about the acne specifically, that is that is what you do now. Like you’re an acne expert, you are a skincare formulator. Why do you think doctors are and GPs are so quick to prescribe the pill as a way to reduce acne? 

Cheryl: Yeah. It’s a really good question. I think part of it comes from obviously when you see any doctor, they want to help you and giving you something to go away with feels very much like you’ve got an action plan. And actually, in terms of the doctor’s arsenal, if you like, of treatment for acne, it very much is limited to medications and you won’t usually find diet, lifestyle, supplement advice when you go to visit your doctor. At least that’s very much the case in the UK. The pill. In its past. If you look back on adverts that were in the seventies, they were even focussed on Take the pill for great skin, not take the pill because it’s a form of contraception, but take the pill because it’s going to give you great skin. So I think there’s a history of it being advertised and educated as a tool to support clear skin, and it can be very effective at doing that, which I think is the reason why in NHS, especially when a doctor has the very limited time with each patient that it’s tempting to to give as a quick fix. 

And it doesn’t, it doesn’t clear skin for everybody, but for many women it can help with hormonal acne. And as a scientist, it’s not something that I recommend because it is just if you think it like autopilot in an airplane, it’s switching your body’s natural hormone production off. And I think what is most maybe worrying or sad when somebody is being prescribed the pill for acne is that it’s not giving you the opportunity to understand what your body is communicating to you. Everything that your body does is it trying to talk to you and tell you what’s going on inside. And when you shut down those natural signals, it’s very easy to keep pushing acne triggers harder and harder. You’re pushing that gas pedal on those acne triggers, but you’re not seeing the acne in your skin. And when you come off of the pill, quite often, acne will come back worse than it was before, because you’ve still been hitting those acne triggers that you’ve identified, and also because the pill can take a toll on your body and cause some maybe nutritional deficiencies that your body also needs to recover from in the process of that. 

Le’Nise: And also just thinking about the effect that the pill has on gut health and certainly something that that I learnt when I was doing my nutrition training is that, as you say, the what’s going on in the skin is a manifestation of something going on inside, something most commonly, something going on in the gut. And so it’s interesting that, you know, when I have clients who experience acne. Once you start to make changes to their gut health, adding in certain different things that support the healing of the gut lining, also, you know, the healing of the overall gut microbiome. You do see a change in the skin health. And I just find that so fascinating. And it’s really I find it really empowering as well because it’s it actually can be as, you know, acne can just be so damaging to your confidence. And when you see these changes, you know, oh, my gosh, look at my skin. It’s really, really empowering.

Cheryl: Yeah, I completely agree. Skin is this beautiful, amazing organ that we can see. Aha. Our lungs, our gut. We don’t have the opportunity to do that. So when something’s going astray internally. Quite often before you get these symptoms of pain or diarrhoea or constipation or stomachaches, there’s there’s something going on already for it to build up to that extent. And the skin is, in my experience, very good at translating what’s happening internally. I think it’s it’s amazing and what it does and it gives us the opportunity to act on things before they propagate into something much more serious there. Another reason for why I find it maybe worrying or sad when women are prescribed the pill for acne is because actually the symptoms of acne. So the biological changes that are happening within your skin cells and your oil making glands, they’re being linked in published science papers to other conditions like PCOS, polycystic ovary syndrome, diabetes, some forms of cancer. Those conditions take years and years and years to build, but your skin will fairly quickly show that something is going on internally that could lead to these kinds of conditions years, decades down the line. So it’s giving you that really beautiful signal to listen to now to protect your future health, which, yeah, I think is amazing. 

Le’Nise: And so if someone’s listening to this and thinking, I would love to sort out my skin is skin, I get I get acne around the jawline or along my forehead. And I would just love to finally sort that out. What would you say to them? What would you recommend that they start?

Cheryl: In terms of healing your acne, many women, first of all, would look to do that mostly from the outside in. So using skincare products, which is very it makes so much sense because it’s a symptom that you can see from outside. So you want to treat it from outside. 

My first piece of advice is making sure you’re treating inside out triggers as well as outside in triggers. You’re not going to fully heal your skin and your acne until you do both of those together. Then I would recommend it’s very much for me. I quit the Big Three skincare diet and lifestyle factors, so working on those concurrently. 

A really simple tip that anyone can can try straight away. You can try it tomorrow and the day after, do it for a week is to stop washing your face so much when you have acne, which I know sounds really counterintuitive because when you have usually oily skin that comes with acne and you have these breakouts in your skin and all it feels like is you just going to get the oil off of your face. You want it to be clean. 

Actually, the process of doing that is really aggressive to your skin biology. So for example, your skin has a pH level, which is a measure of acidity, and your skin is is fairly acidic somewhere when it’s not exposed to too many cleansers, it’s acidifies itself about 4.7. To put out in context, seven is neutral. Tap water is usually slightly alkaline. If you’re in a hard water area, it’s above 8.5 and the ruler ends at 14. So when you’re washing your skin with water, which has a mismatched pH level to your skin page, it immediately changes the pH level of your skin. It raises it. And then if you add in a cleanser, spot cleansers can be alkaline. Natural soaps, for example, can be nine. So this can be quite aggressive to your skin. How can your skin barrier and when your skin is raised actually creates the perfect environment for acne bacteria to start ever growing and therefore it can worsens new breakouts long time. It also wears away your skin barrier the washing process and if you’re overwashing which in my opinion is more than once a day removing these layers of what I call your skin shield allows the bacteria that live on the surface of your skin quite happy to get more deeply into your skin. And that can cause the breakouts to become more inflamed and more cystic, hotter, itchier, all of these symptoms. So a really simple change anyone can make is try not washing your face so much. So just once a day in the evening and going straight into your morning skincare routine when you wake up. 

Because many women ask me, but do I not eat to wash my face to get the skin care I’ve applied off of my skin the night before? If you’re using a skin care routine, that skin care it absorbs deeply into your skin. So you shouldn’t be washing it off in the morning anyway. So you can naturally just go straight into your morning skincare routine. And most of the women that I work with who try this, first of all, there is an amount of apprehension, which I completely understand. But most of them come back to me and say, I can’t believe the difference. This is made to my skin in a week. It’s amazing. 

Le’Nise: I mean, you’re blowing my mind here. Everything you read, it says, do your morning and evening cleanse. And I’ve always thought, why? Why do you need to cleanse your skin in the morning? Like, what are you cleansing it from? If you’ve done like you’ve wash your face in the evening, you’ve wash your makeup on off of. So it’s really reassuring to hear to hear this like don’t wash your face too often because, you know, you if you’re on social media, you’re on TikTok and you’re seeing these women and men with these really, I think, quite aggressive skin care routines. There’s like ten different steps they’re applying all of these different products, morning and evenings. I do kind of wonder like, is this really good for the skin? And it’s so reassuring to hear, well actually take it, you know, take it back. 

Cheryl: Yeah. Oh, I’m so glad it’s exactly that. Take it back. There’s no need for ten step skincare routine, if anything that really works against your skin’s ideal. 

Le’Nise: Going back to your journey so you’re you’re a scientist and it’s really exciting to have to have you on the show because I haven’t had any scientists on the show before. Can you talk a little bit about what led you into this career? And then the second part of the question is what made you decide to focus on on the skin?  

Cheryl: Sure. So becoming a scientist. I was just really interested and curious about the world around me and why things happened, which is what led me into science as a career. I started off working actually in the pharmaceutical industry, and then I went into the fast moving consumer goods industry (FMCG), which is a bit of a mouthful, but it’s code for any products you buy down the supermarket, toiletries, household care products, cleaning products. And then I started my career helping women to heal from acne naturally, because of my own experiences with suffering with my skin and finding it a struggle to get help. The first place I actually looked for help was from a pharmacist because I was embarrassed to go and see my doctor. I thought I would be wasting their time because it was skin and I felt vain about it. And actually, I know now I shouldn’t have felt vain. Your skin is an indicator of your internal health. I remember going to see a pharmacist and. Asking, reaching out for help and his words to me why there’s nothing that can be done. You’re just going to have to accept and live with it.

Le’Nise: Wow.

Cheryl: Yeah, I just I felt this panic inside me when I heard those words because I was searching for how. But that felt like a brick wall. And he eventually handed me a bottle of this face wash. I know now it was a benzoyl peroxide face wash. And he handed it to me with the warning that be careful, it can bleach your skin. But he didn’t give me any extra help for how to not make it bleach my skin. 

Le’Nise: Oh, my. 

Cheryl: Yeah. I was so embarrassed at the time. I knew I wasn’t going to use it, but I brought that bottle and I put it in the back of my bathroom cabinet, and I never used it, but I did. That was a moment for me where I said No Cheryl, you’re a scientist. I know my skin’s been clear before. There’s a reason why I have acne, and I just need to identify that reason and heal it. And that is what I did over the period of a year to two years. I delved into the scientific literature. I gradually found changes that helped to heal my acne naturally without having to revert to anything like the pill or antibiotics. And that is the reason for what I do now, helping women to heal from acne naturally, because I never want another woman to feel like I did in that moment with the pharmacist that there’s no help and I just have to accept and live with my skin and my acne and the way that it is. 

Le’Nise: What do you think about people being prescribed Roaccutane as a way to heal acne? 

Cheryl: Yes. Roaccutane I. I completely understand if somebody has tried. Roaccutane on that journey of having acne. I completely understand. I don’t think anybody should ever feel bad for what treatments that they’ve tried in the past. I don’t recommend it for acne because it’s again, like the pill. It’s covering up what’s happening internally. It’s not healing the root trigger causes of acne. I work with many clients who have tried several rounds of Roaccutane and the acne has come back or people who end up on a very persistent dose for many years just to control the acne and the published science is actually showing so Accutane can be very effective short term and that is what goes down in clinical trial data or many published science papers. However, it’s really important the follow up period after a study because you can take a medication for some time, discontinue it for two months, and then the study may report. All is great. It helps keep skin clear, but that follow up period is not the same. A year later, two years later, and often with medications like this, acne comes back because you’ve not confronted those trigger causes. 

Also, it’s a very aggressive medication and most people will experience side effects of it, one of which is extremely dry skin like you’ve never experienced before. So dryness cracking inside of your lips, dry, inflamed eyes, headaches is quite a common symptom, joint aches as well, because it’s basically drying up the oil production, the mucous membrane production in your body. And so that is helpful for acne because oil is the perfect breeding environment for acne bacteria. They love to breed in oil and low oxygen environments. Oil creates a low oxygen environment. However, your body needs some oil and lubrication naturally. So these extra symptoms start popping up in your body. For some people, though you often hear somebody who’s taking Roaccutane saying that they feel like a 70 year old woman because that’s the effect that it has on the joints. And for some people, some of those symptoms can be long term. So I’m not a fan of Accutane because it’s covering up those trigger causes and it can also have long term side effects. So I have worked with clients in the past to heal their skin from the side effects of Accutane, which have been as severe as the acne that they dealt with in the first place. So it’s almost like switching one skin concern that’s really impacting your life in the way that you feel in your confidence for another skin concern on the opposite end of the spectrum, definitely not a fan of Accutane.

Le’Nise: Yeah, yeah. I’m really interested to hear your perspective on that because I have had time to spend on that in the past. And something that we’ve had to do is address any liver potential liver issues because it’s such a powerful drug and then that has as potentially had a knock on effect on their hormones, their period. So it’s it’s really interesting to hear hear you say this. 

So just thinking about someone who has who has acne, who’s listening to this and is listening to some of the tips that they that you’ve given. What would you say about like that? They’re thinking, oh, well, you know, am I going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life? Is it going to keep coming back? Because something that, you know, I hear sometimes is, oh, my gosh, I’m like in my thirties, I’m in my forties and fifties. Why am I still getting acne? 

Cheryl: Mm hmm. Yes. I would say to anybody feeding like that, please know that your skin has been clear before. And it can very much be clear again in terms of how quickly that can happen. When you identify those root trigger causes, if you get them right and you get them right together, that’s usually a couple or a handful. It’s not usually just one key trigger and you’re working to heal them in parallel. Then your skin can dramatically care within a period of 3 to 4 months of active breakouts. And for anyone wanting to see what that looks like. I have some journey photos on my Instagram. Honesty for Skin of some of the clients I’ve worked with, which shows that 3 to 4 month healing periods where they started. And once we made changes to skin care, diet and lifestyle and where they ended up in four months, 3 to 4 months time is with the clearing of all active acne. And then we’re looking to heal skin from the remaining what you might call scars. But I hate that word because implies permanency, that post inflammatory arrhythmia, which is the redness that can be left behind or post inflammatory hyperpigmentation, which are the dark marks that can be left behind. So yes, I completely understand that feeling because when I had acne, I felt like I tried everything under the sun and nothing had worked for me long time. But once you understand your skin biology and you know what the triggers are, then you know how to work with your skin to keep it clear. So I don’t actually I have clear skin today, and I don’t like to say that I’m cured from acne, because if I go back on these changes that I’ve made, then my skin will break out. But I have control of that and that’s what matters for me. It’s a guidance for making sure I’m taking care of myself in those ways. 

Le’Nise: That is so reassuring to hear, because you I have the same the same thing where, you know, because I this is the work I do and periods and menstrual health that everyone expects that I have a perfect period. But if I don’t, I have all of these different things that I have to do to make sure that my period is, you know, it’s fine. It doesn’t it’s not painful. I’m not getting loads of mood swings. And if I don’t do them, then I see everything kind of bouncing back. So it’s helpful to hear that, you know, this isn’t kind of like there’s no magic, you know, there’s no no magic behind this. This is just about consistency. It’s about knowing what your triggers are. And it’s about just knowing that you have to just keep keep going. You know, there is no, like, magic pill that you that you can take, which I think people expect. They think they come to you and they think, okay, can you just cure my periods period pain? And I always say, well, I can help reduce it, but I wouldn’t. It would be totally unethical for me to say, you know, you’re never going to have a painful period. You can you’re going to have a less painful period for sure. So thank you so much for saying that. So you’ve mentioned your Instagram. If someone wants to work with you, find out more about what you do. Where where can they get in touch? 

Cheryl: Sure. Say my website is https://www.honestyforyourskin.co.uk and I have two main ways that I work with women to help them heal from acne. And that’s in my acne clinic, which is where I work with people one on one. And if you go to my website and you click the menu and the option that says Get Skin Help and the option that says Acne, then you’ll find that there. I also have an online course called Acne Warrior, which is something someone can take as soon as they enroll and wherever they are in the world. And which will teach you through the most common triggers of acne, through skin care, diet and lifestyle factors. And for anybody wanting to get started on that straightaway, you can get 20% off with code like get clear 20. So those are the main ways that I work with women to help them heal from acne naturally. 

Le’Nise:  Great. And just to round off, to anyone who’s listening today, of all of the amazing things that you’ve shared? What would be the one thing that you would want them to take away? 

Cheryl: I’m going to say that the feeling that you are beautiful with or without acne. Acne doesn’t impact that. I can understand how it can make you feel. You’re beautiful with or without acne, and that’s something that you can do about your skin to clear it. But that’s more looking after your internal health. It’s not it’s not meaning that you’re any less deserving or less beautiful. If you have acne, Just remember that. Say it to your face three times to say I am beautiful and beautiful and beautiful. 

Le’Nise: I love that that is so that so powerful. Those affirmations and those words that we say to ourselves, they they make a huge difference. They change the pathways in our brain. And we then we say it and then we believe it. So thank you for sharing that. And thank you so much for coming on the show today. 

Cheryl: Thank you so much for having me. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 55, Coni Longden-Jefferson: Challenge Yourself To Have More Open Conversations About Periods

We’re back! For the first episode of season 6 (!) of the Period Story podcast, I’m so pleased to share my conversation with Coni Longden-Jefferson. Coni is a reproductive health polymath – she’s the co-founder of the period and leak-proof underwear brand Nixi Body, a writer and content creator (check out her hilarious reels on Instagram @conilj) and a host and moderator of reproductive health events. 

Coni and I had a fantastic conversation about menstrual shame, her journey with different forms of hormonal contraception and how she came off of them, her passion for helping others feel comfortable enough to share their reproductive health stories and experiences, and of course, the story of her very first period!

Thank you, Coni!

Get in touch with Coni:

Instagram

Website

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise: Thank you so much for coming on to the show today. I’m really excited to talk to you. Let’s start the conversation with the very first question I ask all of my guests, which is tell me the story of your very first period. 

Coni: Mm hmm. So my first period, I think I was ten, was around ten. So I was pretty young. I mean, I think as I’ve gotten older I realised actually quite a lot of people do start their periods at the age, but I was certainly first in my friendship group. You know, there wasn’t many people talking about having their period if they if they were. 

And I’m pretty sure I started after a dance class so I would dance on Saturday mornings and I’m pretty sure I came home and was like, Oh, okay. And that’s actually, the vast majority of my periods do come on now when I’m doing physical activity. So I don’t know if that’s common. I’m sure it is, but it’s like it’s always like I’m in a spin class or feeling I’m like, okay, here it is again. So that started like a lifelong trend. So yes, I came home and I remember yeah, I just remember seeing like it wasn’t even like blood, I guess it was like almost like rusty in my knicker and being like, Oh, but I knew what a period was like. Even though I was ten, I knew all about periods. Well, I’ve learnt a lot more as I’ve gotten older, but you know, I knew fundamentally what they were, so I don’t think I was scared or freaked out. I was like, okay, like this is happening. And then I remember my mum, like she went out and got like almost like a makeshift first period kit, which was. Like Ibuprofen and paracetamol. So, like big black knickers, like pads, a cheesecake. And then and this is the prop that I mentioned before we started recording. She got me a nightie, which I still have, and I’m showing you now. It’s like Scottie dog on this gross big nightie is 22 years old. 

Le’Nise: Oh, my. 

Coni: Can you believe it? And I still wear it when I’m on my period. Like, I’ll be like, this is what I go back to. It’s just this big grey t-shirt, essentially. And she bought it for me. And it was just so like, okay, right. This is how this is going to go down. Like, you might feel a bit uncomfortable. You might want to get like cosy, like here are your big knickers, here’s a big gross nightie. And I kind of remember it being exciting, you know, it was like this thing that I knew was going to happen and was like, about growing up. I think there wasn’t so much fear attached to it, so it was actually quite fun and exciting and special. And you know, me and my mum had this quite nice evening of her telling me stuff and so overall it was pretty positive. You know, I feel really lucky that it was, it was a positive experience fundamentally. 

Le’Nise: And now you still have your like period comfort blanket. Yeah. 

Coni: Like, how, how I still fit in it. I don’t know. It must have been huge on me when I was ten. I’m like how I have lost everything else and all other things in my life. And it’s like this weird nightie and my husband will still be. Like, he’ll see me wearing it sometimes if I’m just, you know, wanting to because he’s like, Oh, have you come on your period? But we all know what the period nightie is. It’s lasted longer than like any relationship I’ve ever. 

Le’Nise: It’s like a like a talisman. 

Coni: Yeah, exactly. 

Le’Nise: And you mentioned that when you first got your period after the dance. You were kind of like fine with it. What, what kind of education did you have prior to that to make you okay with it. 

Coni: Yeah. I was sort of thinking about this and. I think my mum is fundamentally a very open person and we’ve always had a really open relationship. But also around that time, probably when I was seven, she went back to school to do a biology A-level. So I think she was really interested in the human body and was quite factual about these things. And I think around seven, eight, nine I started to ask questions about sex and stuff like this. So things like that. Like I remember discovering what discharge was and being like, What? And she had to explain that? Like, it’s all fine. 

So we were kind of, I guess before I started I started my period at ten, I think sort of eight or nine. We were having conversations around the body and what goes on. And I remember asking her once about, I’m really going out myself. We’re like 2 minutes and I’m saying something embarrassing. But I remember asking her about, I saw people kissing on TV and I remember saying, I feel funny when I see these people and I think it was The Brady Bunch. It makes it sound like I grew up in the seventies, and I don’t know why I was watching The Brady Bunch and I remember her like kind of in an age appropriate way, like explaining like, I guess hormones, you know, she was saying like, okay, yeah, like you as you grow older, you have these hormones and it makes these things happen and it makes you feel these things because you make you want to make a baby. And and I actually think that she was telling me this dropping me off at someone’s house, like I think her friend’s house and then started to tell me about periods, but had to go to work. So I sort of dropped me off and was like, “I just telling her about periods, can you pick it up for here.”

So yeah, I just think that it was quite factual, you know, it was though it wasn’t taboo, I guess, around having these conversations. It’s like this is a bodily function. This is what’s going to happen to you. And so the kind of shame or embarrassment or awkwardness around talking about it just wasn’t really a thing in my house. I mean, that’s from a child’s perspective. Maybe my mum did feel a bit like, okay, how do I do this? You know, parents are always having to navigate stuff, but for me as a daughter, like I definitely didn’t feel like it was a big deal or something to be embarrassed about or something that I couldn’t talk to her about, I guess, which is the biggest thing. You know, I’ve listened to your podcast for for a while now, and I hear these different stories and, you know, there are some really sad stories of people that they get their first period and they don’t want to go and talk to their parents. So they don’t have anyone to go and talk to or they have no idea what it is. So I guess I feel really lucky that I had some level of education from her because I guess, you know, I don’t even think at that age I think I started my period before we actually had proper sex education in school. Maybe that’s not accurate, but I seem to remember that probably being about 11 when we started to actually learn about this stuff in schools, which is way too late in my opinion. So I was like sat there like the elder statesman of the class, like I’ve already got my period, actually, I know all about it. 

Le’Nise: And how with the very pragmatic approach you had with your mum, connect with the conversations you then had with your friends about periods and what was going on with your body. 

Coni: Yeah, that’s a really good question because I think it’s that thing of almost like anything when we’re kids that we think things are normal. And, you know, I think shame is, is, is learnt, right? You know, it’s learnt by people’s reactions to us. So we can be into something that people think are weird and then like you don’t realise it’s quite, quite weird until you go to school and then people like that’s weird that you’re talking about that and I think it was maybe a little bit like that with me and kind of periods and, and, you know, other things related to kind of sex and stuff because I guess at school when people start to have this, there is this like shock and this kind of embarrassment and giggling, you know, in class and stuff. And I just didn’t feel like that. And I was probably. Probably like a precocious know it all about it, I imagine. I was like, Oh, well, actually it’s this. And, you know, and I think that I was really happy to chat about that stuff  and people just weren’t or they found it awkward. And then I think that then made me feel awkward about it, even though I had kind of been quite happily going along with my period for maybe a year or two. And then suddenly I was like, Oh, everyone else is embarrassed to talk about this, or everyone else doesn’t want to talk about their period. You shouldn’t either, I think, which is such a classic thing of of kids. Right. You know, so I think maybe I went kind of like. One step forward, two steps back in terms of my relationship with the openness of talking about about periods and stuff like that. 

Le’Nise: And how long did did this shame sit with you or does it still sit with you? 

Coni: I’m trying to, I think. Maybe shame is too strong a word in terms of I don’t remember being particularly ashamed, but I also didn’t feel like it was appropriate to talk about stuff. So I don’t think I was ever like truly, truly embarrassed for myself and I don’t think it affected my relationship with my period, but I definitely kind of was like, you know, now I feel like periods are all I talk to my friends about, you know? And like we’re always telling stories. And when, you know, if I forget to track my period, I can search period in my WhatsApp messages and I’ll find the last day I came on my period because I probably have text at least one of my friends announcing it and it’s like a connection sometimes with people and an a basis of a friendship. And then especially in the work that I do and the people I get to chat to. 

But I guess there was a period of my life, no pun intended, but I probably imagined up until you know, a few years ago where I just didn’t didn’t it wasn’t something I felt was anything and it wasn’t something people wanted to talk about. You know, it was kind of like it’s private, so maybe it’s not shameful, but it’s private sort of thing. But I guess the other part that goes into is I didn’t have a period for 15 years because of contraception. So I kind of felt like and I was on contraception from the age of 15. So if you think there’s like maybe five years where I had a period was quite comfortable ish with my period. I would love to chatted about periods to people, but no one wanted to play with me, basically with my weird like obsession. And then I go on the pill and I’m on hormonal contraception until I’m 30. So. And because I was on progesterone only, I just didn’t have a period. So I guess periods that just were not part of my life in a weird way. So they just became not part of my life and not part of my conversations, I suppose. 

Le’Nise: Why did you end up going on the pill? 

Coni: So my recollection I had really bad acne. So my period started at ten and really it was like puberty was just like came hell for leather for me at that point. You know, I remember being 11 or 12 and I don’t mean I’m not a busty person like I never have been. And I had like the biggest boobs in the year and I was the tallest girl in the year. And so it really felt like women had just like came at me full throttle. And, you know, the stereotypes of teenagers going through puberty again, we say teenagers going through puberty. But I was 11. And I had suddenly got like acne and boobs. I was really tall and, you know, all that sort of stuff. So I think that was really hard because I felt that was something I was ashamed of, actually. Not my period, maybe before puberty. Like I just felt like turbocharged into being surrounded by kids and feeling like I’d just grown up. And it was, it was quite difficult. 

So I think that acne is where the conversations around contraception and stuff came in which you know, you and I talk about this a lot, like it’s just so awful that that happens. And for other people that might be for irregular periods or painful periods. But it was one of those conversations of, Oh, well, we could put you on this, you know, and that could help. And I shortly after that, like, was sexually active. So we’re all kind of like, I think I maybe started it for that acne and then I was like, okay, well now I’m sexually active, so this is great. Like I’m on, I’m contraception and you know, it kind of just snowballed from there. So but I changed contraception a lot in those early days. I really struggled with my mental health and various things. And think as this is so common, you know, we hear this all the time. So. I remember navigating that and eventually landing on progesterone only seemed to be the thing that worked best for me. But with progesterone only, you’re not having that break, so you’re not having this quote unquote period. It’s not a period in a sense. It’s a kind of withdrawal bleed. But I didn’t have any of that either. So once I got into professionally, I just didn’t have a period. And then I just yeah, like didn’t have a period for at least or even bleed for over a decade. 

Le’Nise: And I find that really fascinating given the work that you do. Having spent so much time without a bleed and now you are really deep into this reproductive health space. So talk us through switching, contraception, like what happened there and then then coming out the other side. What made you decide to come off of it? 

Coni: So. So do you mean switching contraception at the start, like. So. And I remember. And again, I guess this is. Having this conversation. It just really makes you look back on like being a child versus being a teenager and that kind of transition because as a child, like I said, me and my mom would talk about all this stuff and it wasn’t secretive. But then when I became sexually active, I guess even though we’d been very open about that, there was still like, I just didn’t really want to talk to my mom about sex. Like, it wasn’t like Gillian Anderson in Sex Education. Like, it wasn’t that level of openness like we would there with things. And I think as I got older, like, you get embarrassed and you become less close with your parents, you know, there is that time. So I think I was really navigating that contraception flip around and change around on my own fundamentally and just trying to figure that out. And I remember like sometimes I’d go to the doctor or sometimes I go to like a family planning clinic. And, you know, I’m sure they were all doing the best job that they can. And I think like for people that work in this scenario is like I guess they’re just drilled into like make sure, like they don’t get pregnant. Like that’s your like KPI is like just make sure this teenage girl doesn’t get pregnant. So they weren’t talking to me about, you know, the different, what the different types of contraception could do or the side effects or, you know, or even contraception on the whole what that could do, you know, it is just like, okay, well, let’s take your blood pressure. Let’s check this. Okay, try this one. Try this one. So my memory is definitely over a few years, going through a few different pills, like different brands, I guess, or trying combined pill trying the progesterone only mini pill. 

So it was a lot of chopping and changing, which obviously was messing with my cycle 100%, but I just didn’t have the knowledge that I do now about about cycles and didn’t have the I guess interest because I guess, again, what had been drummed into me at school is just like, just don’t get pregnant, just don’t get pregnant. Like, that’s all you need to worry about at this point. Like, you don’t need to think about what impact your hormones are having on your health or you don’t need to worry about like the phases of the cycle and how that can you know, that was not all. I didn’t know any of that. Right. 

So. I guess then I got into university. I think I maybe kind of settled on progesterone only. And again, even with that, I would like hop on and hop off. Like if I had a boyfriend, if I didn’t, you know, and I just didn’t have the knowledge that I have now. And, you know, I would I would do it completely differently. And then eventually I think I landed on having the implant. So I’m probably at around 25, I landed on the implant and that just seemed to be okay for me and I didn’t have to think about it and remember to take something every day. And then I guess the the reason that I came off it was I started doing what I’m doing. So I started, I was working and then I wanted to do some writing work on the side, as a freelancer, I went to university to study journalism. So that was always kind of what I wanted to do. And one of my first clients was Parla, who we both, you know, that’s how we met right through working with them. And they do some incredible work in the the reproductive health space. And so I started working with Lina there and just through, I guess osmosis of writing about things, I just started to learn loads more. You know, I was 25, 26, so fertility wasn’t something I thought about. You know, even my period wasn’t really something I thought about for a long time. And just working in this space and hearing the stories and writing about stuff and meeting experts like yourself really opened my eyes to reproductive health as a holistic whole thing that is not just about getting pregnant or not getting pregnant, but also the struggles that people can have when they are trying to get pregnant and the conditions that people can have around their periods. And, you know, it was a whole it was like going back to school again, basically to to learn all this stuff. 

And through that, you know, Parla offer at home fertility testing. And I you know, Lina said do you want you know, you can try this for free basically. You know, I think maybe or maybe she wanted me to write about it like I can’t remember, but it was like but to do that, you have to come off contraception because you can’t take the test if you’re on hormonal contraception. So I thought, okay, I’ll just do that and maybe I’ll come off it and then go back on it again. You know, at that time I was definitely interested in my hormones. From what I’ve been learning and I had no plans to have a baby in the near future. And I think maybe Mike and I had just got engaged, but, you know, we were definitely not planning on having a baby. So I thought I’d come off, do the test and then maybe go back home. And then I came off and I was just blown away. I think the combination of my period coming back to its natural cycle, coupled with the timing of the work that I was doing as I was learning about all this stuff, I suddenly was like, This is amazing. And this is like game changing for me to like know what is going on with my body and understand and know how I feel about things. You know, I think when I was chopping and changing between pills and implants, you know, sometimes I was really down or sometimes I was really uninterested in sex or sometimes I was tense and I really thought there was something wrong with me or something wrong with my relationship, you know, stuff like that. And then I came off and just started to see like, oh, like I am all these different things at different times. And there’s patterns and I can see things and I can learn about, you know, how to optimise those times and stuff. And so that was three or four years ago now, and I’ve been just having a natural cycle ever since, and that’s just allowed me to learn more and get more interested and just have a completely different relationship with my body really, and my sense of self. 

Le’Nise: What I find so fascinating is if we go back to your teenage years, how you were navigating these changes in medication by yourself at 15, 16, 17. And I find that so mad, considering how powerful these medications are, how powerful, the changes that they effect on the body. And also how many changes are happening in the body, the brain, hormonally during those years. And, you know, that’s no slight on you because you did what you did. But I just think it’s a such a kind of almost indictment on the medical system. That you have someone so young that that can do that. I mean, yes, there is a positive side to it because sometimes people don’t want their parents to know or be involved in that in those decisions. But it’s just fascinating that the doctors didn’t say like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, you’re this age and you’ve changed contraception this many times, like, we need to give this some space. We need to figure out what’s going on here. 

Coni: 100% agree. And, you know, I’m sort of like, you know, you look back and you try and think, okay, was that actually what was happening or was that my memory of it? But I do think that was that story sounds bad, like it’s not uncommon. Like, I think like that probably is the reality of what was going on to some degree. And I think you’re right. I think is is right that that that young people can take control of their sexual health without their parent’s consent and stuff like that. Like I think that, like you said, has its benefits, but ultimately it all comes back down to education because it’s fine to have a system that allows young people to have autonomy over their own health. But you can only have true autonomy if you have the knowledge and you have the inform and you have the information. And like giving a 16 year old like a pamphlet, like, did you see that thing that the day where someone made a dress out of the pamphlets that you get given with the pill, like it’s so much paperwork and it’s all really tiny. And you’re telling like a horny teenager to go read that pamphlet. They’re like, no, thanks. Like it’s going to take, you know, it’s that’s not education. Like that’s ticking a box from a pharmaceutical company to say, like, okay, well, we put all the information that like, we did that, but that’s not real education of young people about the side effects or the implications or, you know, all that sort of stuff. 

And also kind of just education around like when you can actually go and get pregnant and, you know, and, and, you know, we’ve obviously both watched The Business of Birth Control recently and it’s like a fascinating film. And I think we’ve got really strong opinions. And, you know, there is this big question mark. It’s like, okay, what do we tell young people? Because whilst as adults we might really advocate for natural contraception and know it, you know, the fertility awareness method and things like that, like, okay, for a young person like that, that is like a lot and the cycles are changing all the time and it’s a lot of responsibility. So I guess I don’t have the answer to what we need to do, but we need to do something different to at least what we were doing when I was at school. But from what I hear, I don’t think it has changed that much in in the last 15 years and certainly not enough. So I think we still have a lot of young people that are making these big decisions about contraception and about their sexual health without, you know, enough information about their bodies. 

Le’Nise: Yeah, I think it’s just decoupling the conversation from how not to get pregnant to having a conversation about what’s going on with your body, just like making it more of a pragmatic conversation of your bodies changing. This is what’s happening. This is you know, these are what’s happening with your menstrual cycle. This is, you know, how you can benefit from it rather than such a fear based conversation, how to avoid getting pregnant. And yeah, I just find it I find it interesting on a personal level because my son is nine and so next year he’s going to be having these conversations at school. So obviously I’ve already had all of these conversations with him in a in an age appropriate way. But it just I find it still very chilling that this is how kids learn about sex and their bodies. Yeah. Still. And then you bring porn into the conversation, which is just it’s so just so horrifying that that’s how so many kids are learning and teenagers are learning about what sex is. And that is not what sex is. Okay. Let’s digress a little bit. 

Coni: Yeah, I was about to go on a rant about condoms then, so. Yeah, I’m glad you stopped me. 

Le’Nise: So going back to where you your head was when you came off the pill or had the implant taken out. Hmm. I’m curious, when you went back to cycling, naturally, you mentioned that you were so much more aware in the changes in your body and, you know, aware of what it meant to have a period. Did that mean any changes in your relationship with your now husband? Hmm. 

Coni: That’s a really good question. I think he would certainly say for the first few months, it definitely changed our relationship because my PMS was  like really bad. I was pretty lucky that my you know, my period actually came back fairly regular fairly quickly, which for many people, that’s not the case. And I think when we get into a fertility conversation that’s so important to recognise that, you know, just because you take the implant out and like you could get pregnant next week doesn’t mean you’re going to that can take a long time. So I think it did change our relationship. I mean, I think the. You know, it all kind of there was a lot going on at the same time. It’s like I came I came back to cycling naturally. We were planning a wedding and then I started my business and then we went into a pandemic, right? So there was a lot going on emotionally, but I think that me understanding my cycle and by extension him understanding it and he really does, you know, that is again, I feel really lucky. 

I shouldn’t feel lucky that my husband would talk to me about periods because, you know, everyone should be talking about it in my opinion. But, you know, I we do have that relationship and we now can navigate these things that like and not in that kind of like, oh, you know, she’s hormonal, like, oh, you’re flying off the handle. It’s not that eye rolly thing that I think culturally but we do do sometimes but you know he we can recognise together through our relationship like oh like I’m you know I’ve just ovulated I’m really, really tired today. Like if you asked me to do anything like I’m probably, you know, I’m just having one of those days and he’s like, get cool, get it. You know, I’ll even say like schedule date nights. Like in my ovulatory phase, I’m like, I’ll really want to go out and I’ll be really good company that I’m like, whereas if we start scheduling like that stuff, I’m like, I know I wouldn’t want to do that when that happens. And I think us having that transparency and those conversations I think does make it like a lot easier to to be in a relationship, you know, like you’re living with that person every day. And I think because I know my body better, I can relay that to him. And we kind of like all of the same. We kind of sync up like not like synching up periods, but synching our approach to our relationship and like the emotional actions that come with that. 

Whereas I think when I was on, on contraception and I wasn’t having this cycle, I just really didn’t know like. I couldn’t even say like, Oh, well, I’m due on my period. That’s why I’m feeling really sad and irritable. Like, if I was feeling sudden, irritable, I’m like, Am I like, Is this something wrong with us? Like, is this something, you know, is he not the right person for me? Or I’m really unhappy, like, what’s going on? And I just didn’t have any markers to kind of help me figure things out. And obviously, you know, hormones are a huge part of my emotional makeup, but things in life happen like it doesn’t matter if I’m ovulating, am feeling great. Like if he annoys me, then he annoys me. And like, that’s going to happen, you know, at different times of the month. But I do actually, I really do believe that our relationship is a lot better for me having this knowledge and him sharing that with me as well. You know, it not being like something private, I’m, you know,not keeping him from gatekeeping that information from him like he knows full well how I might be feeling on different weeks. And I think that that helps him. I think he’s probably really grateful for that. 

Le’Nise Yeah, that’s really interesting because, you know, having a partner that is so a male partner that is so open about periods and just is so it’s a matter of fact about them is really important because it helps you, even if you feel you’re that you’re really comfortable with it. It helps you get to a place of even deeper comfort. I believe so. No. If they see your tampons or your pads or your cup, like last week I or the week before I finished my period and in the shower I washed up my cup. I was like, okay, I’ll take that downstairs and I’ll boil it. And I forgot. And it was just sitting on the side of the. Of the tub and. My husband was like, oh, you know, don’t forget your cup. You know, you just left it there. You know, you need to take it downstairs. And I think that’s just testament to him and how well he hears me talking about this all the time, so he’s had to get on board with it. But the fact that, like he when we first met, he was so like he was just just like this, like kind of like the archetypal British person in my mind. Yeah. Very proper. And for him to be in a place now where he’s just so casual about it, I think is really important. And I would just love for everyone to just be so comfortable with talking about periods. Totally. But I have a question off of the back of that. Do you ever kind of get in these situations where you are so because you’re so comfortable talking about periods, you feel like you’re pushing other people where you can sense their discomfort. 

Coni: Yes, yes and no. I think there’s times when I feel like I’m actively pushing people and there’s times where I’m just like, Oh my God. Coni. Like, I remember I went to I just moved to Brighton a year ago and I’ve got a lovely friend Lara down here. I don’t know anyone here. And she was like, I’ve just been here a few months. And she was like, Do you want to come to my four year old’s birthday party? She was like, not the most exciting invitation, but like, hey, like I was like, Yeah, you know what? We’ll come. We’ll meet some people. Lovely. And like, I literally walked in and met someone I’ve never met before, like a friend of hers. And within 2 seconds, I was like, something’s something. Oh, well, you know, like, I’m due on my period so like, blah, blah, blah, and I could just kind of see her face to be a bit like, like, not like, completely shocked. But I did just think that like, I hadn’t even told her my name and I’m telling her where I am in my menstrual cycle. 

And sometimes there’s times like that that I’m like, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but there’s nothing, you know, it’s all good. But sometimes it’s just like Coni. What? It’s like you are way too comfortable. That’s like. And I feel the need to tell people. I think maybe that’s the thing. And I think that’s less about periods. I just more about my personality of being like an overshare. But like, I will just yeah. I will tell you where I am in my menstrual cycle before I tell you my name. But times like that where I kind of accidentally maybe make people feel a bit shocked or uncomfortable, they’re like, Whoa, I guess that I got paid. And then there are times where I still actively have to not call people out because that sounds harsh. But I was talking. I went for dinner with a friend the other day who’s a guy who same age as my husband. We’re all friends, right? So we’re all cut from the same cloth, like, ostensibly. And he’s helping me at the moment because of the period under underwear brand that I’m co-founder of. You know, we’re looking into things and partnerships in sport and this and that. And he works he works in the area. And we had a two hour conversation about this business proposition. And in the 2 hours he didn’t say the word period, like he somehow managed to talk about period underwear for 2 hours without saying the word period. And eventually I did say to him, I was like, you’ve not said period, like, are you okay? Because you were like somehow like dancing around like can’t bring yourself to say the word period. And he kind of laughed, you know, like he took it on the chin and then he was like, Oh yeah, like. But it was, it was really funny that I was like, Oh, my God. Okay, yeah. There’s still a lot of people that it is just this. Taboo or this word like it makes them feel awkward and makes them feel icky or like whatever. I don’t know. But that is this. This like this word that just cannot be said or this concept that can’t be talked about. 

So yeah, I do think I am, I, I push people on that sometimes and not to make people feel uncomfortable, but I think it’s a trickle down effect. Right, that if we as adults as like educated, like empowered adults can’t talk about this stuff, then how is the next generation of people going to talk about it? And, you know, I’m very happy to be that annoying person that talks about periods a lot and helps them feel a bit less like awkward because I don’t really think there’s anything awkward to talk about. 

And I think the other thing and I there’s a story I had yesterday I really want to share because I think it’s so important. My husband’s a paramedic, right? So he’s a medical professional. He’s delivered babies like he’s seen like plenty of vulvas and vaginas, like in his day to day work. So he’s maybe more comfortable than some men. But the other day, someone told me that they were at a sporting event for teenagers and a girl collapsed and the first aider went over to her. She had stomach pain and he said, okay, this is a bit taboo, so I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you? And he was dancing around asking her if she’s on her period and it’s like it’s a medical situation. She’s having the stomach. I think that’s a and apparently one of the dads actually stood and said, this isn’t awkward Sarah like are you on your period? Like it’s a medical question like why if we have medical professionals still being awkward around it, then that just shows that we still have a long way to go to breaking this kind of taboo and shame because, you know, that’s just not okay. 

Le’Nise: Yeah, that really isn’t okay, a trained medical professional dancing around menstruation. I mean, if you don’t want to say period and say menstruation and that that’s mad. 

Coni: I know. 

Le’Nise: What’s so interesting is then taking it to the other end of the spectrum. So working in this space where you have people who are very comfortable with this, and rightly so, because this is the work that we do, then you have this spectrum of very pragmatic, the conversations to the other end where people are a bit more woo about it. And I was talking to someone last week and she was talking to me about her bleed and how it’s a very spiritual time for her. And I was saying in my mind, I was thinking, I really hope she doesn’t ask me if it’s spiritual for me. And she did ask me. And I said, no, it’s not. And that’s the kind of other end of the other side of the coin where you’re kind of navigating this space where. People who are very pragmatic and then people who are much more kind of spiritual about it. But I think that’s the beauty of being able to be comfortable is that you can appreciate once you’re in this space, once you’re comfortable, the kind of depth there is to this conversation. 

Coni: Yes, totally. And I’m with you, I think. It’s not spiritual for me, but I’m not a spiritual person. I would say, in terms of, you know, the the massive spectrum of spirituality that we have now. So, like and I sometimes find these conversations, I find them really fascinating in the same way that I find, like, religion fascinating. Like, I’m like, okay, that’s really cool for you. Like, it’s not for me, but, like, awesome. But I think you’re right. Like, there’s such a range of experiences that people can have with their periods, and we should be allowed to talk about all of them and not feel ashamed of any of them. But even if people can’t, get on board with the spiritual side of it, the woo side of it, like you’ve got to get on board with the medical practical side of it. Like, come on. Like even if you don’t want to talk about anything else, like be able to ask someone if they’re having a period in a medical situation. Like that’s like the most basic that we should be, I think, in society by now. 

Le’Nise: Yeah. So now you work in this space and you have a lot of different hats that you wear. So you are the co-founder of Nixi  Body, which is a period underwear brand. I have a pair. I love them. They’re so comfortable. And then you also write content. And then you also are a host of reproductive health events. So talk a little bit about the work that you do and how you ended up being so diverse in what you do. 

Coni: Yeah. I mean, like I said, I think writing is where I started. And once I started working with Parla and kind of got the bug, I guess, of reproductive health, I think I sort of made it my mission to like only work with, with brands in the reproductive health space and I guess become an expert commentator on it because I think I’m really, you know, I always have to say, like, I’m not a practitioner, like I’m not an expert. And, you know, sometimes I think, oh, I’d love to do that. But right now, you know, I’m a commentator. Like in the same way that any journalist that specialises in an area, you do kind of become an expert by osmosis of getting to talk to these people and interview people. So I feel really lucky for that and I think the writing is one part of it. But like ultimately it’s just about having these conversations and getting these conversations out there. And so whatever medium that is, whether it’s writing an article, whether it’s hosting in an event or a podcast or making like silly reels that I love, that’s actually like doing video stuff is my favourite and you know, making people laugh and making people think. And I kind of see it when I do stuff like that, which I think is putting my personality and my creativity like front and centre. But I feel like it’s a Trojan horse to get these conversations out of the echo chamber, because I think that, you know, in this space I’m so lucky to have friends and and a network of people that, you know, we’re all on the same page. And to some degree or another, we’re educated on this stuff or we care about this stuff, or we have different areas of expertise. But, you know, we’re not the people that, you know, need to see this content or need to read these articles really like we’re the people that are writing them. So I love it when like you or anyone are like, Oh my God, I love that thing you put out, you know, I love that. But what makes me even happier is when I have like some of my male friends or someone with a daughter or, you know, people that are outside of this space going, Oh, my God, like we saw that video that you did. It was really funny. And actually, I didn’t know that. And that’s really interesting. I’m like, yes, that like that is what I want. Like out of anything I do is to get these conversations broader and get them into like the mainstream sounds so ridiculous because like, you know, half the world are having periods. So why on earth would they not be mainstream? Like, that’s like a pretty big target audience. 

But, you know, getting people to to hear about brands here, about experts like yourselves and just keep kind of like growing the conversation out. So I guess it is like a really interesting full circle where I was the girl at school that wanted to talk about her period and everyone’s like, Shut up. Like you wear day. And now I get paid to talk about periods quite a lot. And, you know, and, and sometimes I’m sure people are still a bit like, you know, my in-laws are is a really interesting one because I think they’re a bit more conservative and they’re so lovely. But I do think that when Mike and I were together and they study, I think they were a bit like, What on earth does she do for a job? I’m like, What is going on here and now? Like, they love it and they’re always liking my stuff on Instagram and you know, so I think it’s all stuff like that. Like, I think just trying to use my creativity and my lack of shame, I suppose, to to get these conversations out there in any way that I can and, and support brands that are on the same mission, you know, that want to kind of educate people because if you lecture people, you’ll make you make stuff too boring for want of a better word or too kind of like I guess not inclusive kind of like, you know, this is a women’s space and like we’re talking about women things and it’s like, okay, well, I love I’m proud to be a woman. And like, I love that we can have our little safe spaces, but we need to bust out of those safe spaces if we actually want culture to change. And I’m very happy to do that. And if that means making some men uncomfortable in the process, then I don’t really mind. 

Le’Nise: And talking about like having conversations. So when you do your hosting work, I find that really interesting because that is a skill being a host and what you’re doing is quite it’s quite complicated because you’re, you’re applying the skill of a host as well as layer ing on lots of this quite technical information at times. So talk about a little bit talk a little bit about how you moved into that sort of work and how you know where you want it to go. 

Coni: Yeah, I mean, thank you. Because I think sometimes I think when I watch people host like it doesn’t look like a hard job. And then once I started doing it, I was thinking in my head, this was like a really hard job, but maybe I’m just not very good at it. And then you kind of talk to people like, No. It’s really hard, like especially when you’re moderating a panel of people. And I think that also, you know, there’s the technical layer of it which you mentioned. And I guess for that I just have to research as much as I can and also always throw it back to the expert. 

But there’s also a lot of sensitivity, a lot of the time that I’m talking about these things because, you know, we talked about periods a lot today, but, you know, where that can come, period, health conditions like Endo or PCOS, where people can have had a really, really tough time. Or maybe I’m talking more about fertility or pregnancy loss or menopause, you know, and I think that there is so much sensitivity that is needed about those conversations. And I think that my genuine empathy and genuine care for for anyone going through these conditions and that for the people that I’m often interviewing, I think that comes across. And I think that one of my skills is making people feel comfortable and not feeling ashamed about those things. And I guess that is because, you know, that’s how I’ve been brought up is not to feel shame. But, you know, I definitely like that’s where my passion really lies because I think that, you know, it’s really nice to sit here today and talk about my story. 

But, you know, everyone’s story is so unique and so different. So I think sharing people’s experiences and being a vehicle to help people do that, be that hosting a panel or, you know, I’m just about to start my own podcast actually about about this sort of stuff. And, you know, I think I feel honoured that I am able to have those conversations and that people feel safe enough to share. That stuck with me. And I feel like whenever I talk to people, we really get good, meaty conversations out there because you can sit there on a and hosting a panel and have your Q&A list. But these conversations are nuanced and complicated. And so, you know, you have to be genuinely in that conversation with that person to get the best out of them and to get their story out. And I’m really, really grateful that I get to do that as a job. And I would love to do more of that because it’s it really lights me out just sitting there and getting to chat to people about this stuff. 

Le’Nise: Yeah. I mean, you, I look forward to seeing you do more of it because you are you are good at what you do. I’ve been on a couple panels that you’ve hosted and it’s been it’s been great. So you do you do all of this work. What do you have coming up that you want to share with people? What you know, what do you want to get out in the world? 

Coni: So I think the next year, you know, we’re recording this now in 2022. So, you know, 2023 is just around the corner. And I think I think Nixi Body, which you touched upon, is something that my period underwear brand is we’re going to be doing a lot of stuff next year and it’s kind of connecting it to everything that we’ve just spoken about because we’ve just gone through a rebrand. And part of that is talking about exercise and movement. Like we’re kind of almost like a sportswear brand because the underwear is completely VPL free. So the really great under yoga pants and leggings and stuff. So I think as that mission missions become solidified, like we really want to talk about campaigns around exercise and menstrual health and exercise and mental health and like the intersections there, menopause, you know, all of these different life stages, postpartum, you know, all these different life stages that women go through or anyone, you know, who’s having periods will go through at some point, exercise and movement. And I know this is something that you teach in your kind of, you know, with your yoga and everything is so, so vital.

So we’ve got a few really exciting campaigns that are going to be going on next year all around that sort of stuff. And I think we’ll be doing some hosting, will be hosting some events around that. And I’m finally getting a podcast out myself and actually I thought really hard about that, about this podcast and what I want it to be and what I’ve realised is I want it to I kind of actually what I was just saying to you about getting things out of an echo chamber, I think there’s a lot of podcasts that are about certain things and I think generally when you start a podcast you should niche down. That’s actually the advice. But I kind of decided, you know what, I want to have a podcast where we’ve got like men and women and young and old people in different places, because I really want to kind of challenge people to listen to conversations that they might not feel a part of in terms of reproductive health, because I might not go listen to a menopause podcast, but my God, when I interview you and, you know, people like Kelly and Samantha about menopause, I’m like, why are women in their thirties not listening to these conversations? Why are men not listening to conversations about endometriosis? Why are women not listening to conversations about, you know, varicoceles and low sperm counts? Like, I feel like we’re already siloed in these conversations around reproductive health. Right. And that ultimately does come from shame and fear. So I’m hoping I’m going to host a podcast that is hopefully going to be engaging and fun and a bit broader that will hopefully try and get. People into these conversations in a different way. 

Le’Nise: Very exciting. Well, I’m really excited for everything that you have coming up. I think it’s brilliant and you’re going to continue to do brilliant work in this space. So all of the interesting insights and stories that you’ve shared today. From that. What’s the one thing that you would want the listeners to take from from that? 

Coni: I guess I would really challenge people to and I’m sure most people listen to this cause they’ll love what you do as I do. You know, I’m more comfortable that I think I would challenge people to have conversation around their period outside of a space that might feel comfortable. Try and make people to try to make people feel comfortable. But let’s, like, push those boundaries. Like, I think that if we want to see change on a societal level, you know, we start this conversation talking about education and young people and, you know, we could go so far down the road about the workplace and all those sorts of things. For change to happen, you have to get it out of the group that really cares about it and make other people listen. I think on a micro level we can all do that. If that’s like talking to your partner about your menstrual cycle or telling your boss that you actually need to take the afternoon off because you’ve got period pain and that’s really easier said than done. But I think if we can try to make those tiny little or introduce someone and tell them that you’re on your period before you tell them your name like it is, you know, I think we can challenge ourselves to do those little things that feel brave. Like we’ll start to realise that they aren’t they don’t need to be scary. And actually conversations around periods do not need to be intimidating and don’t need to be embarrassing. 

Le’Nise: Exactly. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. Thank you. What can people find you? 

Coni: So I usually hang out on Instagram. It’s at @conilj and I’m not as hot as you. You’re on it. But with when I when I do posts, it’s usually quite good value and it’s usually about period. So yeah, I would love to connect with people on there. And my, my DMs  are always open for period chats. 

Le’Nise: Brilliant. Thank you, Coni. 

Coni: Thank you so much. It’s been such a dream. Thank you. 

How To Have a Better Perimenopause Part 2

In my last post, I shared three ways that nutrition can support you as you’re moving through perimenopause, the gradual sequence of events that happens before you reach the menopause, the day when you haven’t had a period for 12 months. 

Even if you’re not close to being perimenopausal (this can start as early as your late 30s, but most typically starts in our early to mid 40s), what you do in your menstruating years will set you up for a better perimenopause and menopause.

Here are three more areas that you can look at to help you have a better perimenopause: alcohol, sleep and stress. 

Be more intentional about how you drink alcohol 

Stress levels can definitely increase in our late 30s and 40s. It feels like we have a lot more to juggle between work, family, side hustles, friends, ageing parents and more. With so many balls in the air, alcohol can feel like an easy way to release the pressure. 

Since the pandemic, alcohol intake has increased and some of us have started relying on it more as life gets back to a new kind of normal. It can help us feel like we can unwind even when we’re expected to do more and more. 

I’m sure you won’t find it surprising to hear that alcohol isn’t great for our changing hormones during perimenopause. As we talked about last week, our livers are working hard to metabolise changing estrogen and progesterone levels. When we throw regular alcohol intake on top of this, our liver has to work even harder, which isn’t ideal. 

If you’ve been wondering why your sleep is getting worse and perhaps why you’re starting to experience night sweats, this could be one of the reasons why. Alcohol stops us from going into that deep restorative sleep that helps us wake up feeling refreshed and reduces sugar cravings. You may even notice that you’re a bit grumpier too. Alcohol depletes vitamin B6, one of the nutrients we need to make serotonin, our happy hormone. 

We’re heading into the time of year when there can be more drinks on offer, with Hallowe’en parties, Bonfire Night and of course, the run up to Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year. Could you start to be more intentional about how and when you drink? Could you drink less often and drink less when you do. 

Try it and notice how you feel the next day. 

Click here to read how you can change your sleep and manage stress to help you have a better perimenopause experience. 

Prioritise a great night’s sleep 

Sleep is the foundation of our health, yet so many of us tend to skimp on it, thinking we’ll catch up at the weekend. 

Changing estrogen and progesterone levels can affect the quality of our sleep, leading to perimenopausal insomnia or simply more difficulty falling asleep. Then if you throw hot flashes, night sweats and waking up to urinate on top, it’s not a recipe for a great night’s sleep.

There’s a lot you can do to improve the quality of your sleep, despite changing hormones. 

When we consistently go to bed and wake up around the same time each evening and morning, we prime our brains to expect this routine. Don’t forget how much our brains love a routine. A routine creates a shortcut and lightens the mental load, which I know so many of us appreciate. 

Drinking less alcohol, especially before bedtime helps us sleep better too. 

If you find yourself struggling with winding down before bed, try adding a magnesium glycinate supplement. Magnesium is nature’s relaxing mineral and this version has glycine, an amino acid that can reduce insomnia and improve sleep quality. 

Be mindful of you’re managing stress levels 

When I talk about stress, I use the analogy of ascending a staircase. As your stress levels increase, you go up the staircase step by step. As you go up each step, your body tries to adapt to the increased stress levels. But if you reach the top of the staircase, that may be the point where you notice burnout starting to creep in. You could be the duck on water, outwardly gliding across, but inwardly frantically paddling beneath the water to keep up. 

Instead of looking at reducing stress as yet another thing on your to do list, consider what you can do to punctuate the day with little moments that help to reduce your stress levels. 

Deep breathing is an easy one. When we take a long breath in through our nose and exhale it out through our nose, we give ourselves the opportunity to calm our nervous system and reduce our cortisol (our primary stress hormone) levels. 

You could also try sighing, humming or singing, all of which helps to activate the vagus nerve, the long nerve that goes from the gut to the brain through our lungs, throat and around the back of our head to our brain. The vagus nerve helps to shift us from a fight or flight highly stressed state to a calmer state. 

Have you noticed the effects of mindful drinking, better sleep and less stress on managing perimenopause symptoms?

Photo by Kelly Newton on Unsplash


Le’Nise Brothers is a yoga teacher and registered nutritionist, mBANT, mCNHC, specialising in women’s health, hormones and the menstrual cycle. She is also the host of the Period Story Podcast, which aims to break taboos around menstrual health and hormones. 

Le’Nise has helped hundreds of women improve their menstrual and hormone health through her private practice and group programmes, talks and workshops for the likes of Stylist, Channel 4, Boden, Ebay and TikTok and her Instagram page. Le’Nise works primarily with women who feel like they’re being ruled by their sugar cravings, mood swings and hormonal acne & bloating. They want to get to grips with heavy, missing, irregular & painful periods, fibroids, PMS, PCOS, endometriosis, post-natal depletion and perimenopause. 

Her first book You Can Have A Better Period was released in March 2022. 

How To Have a Better Perimenopause Part 1

October is Menopause Awareness Month (and yesterday was World Menopause Day!), so let’s spend some time talking about this important phase of life and the lesser recognised one before it, perimenopause. 

Menopause is the day when we haven’t had a period for 12 months.

What we’re commonly calling menopause now, is actually post-menopause.

Did you know that you could spend more years without a period than with one? This is one of the reasons that I believe so strongly that we must move away from the wholly negative messaging that we’re seeing around this topic, focused on severe symptoms and ‘menopause as an estrogen deficiency’ (spoiler alert: it’s not). Of course there will be symptoms that we experience as we transition into this new phase of life, but they aren’t inevitable and won’t last for the rest of your life. 

What you do in your menstruating years will set you up for a better perimenopause and menopause.

Since many of you are still menstruating and cycling regularly, let’s spend some time diving into perimenopause. 

Perimenopause, which can start as early as your late 30s, but most typically starts in our early to mid 40s, and can last around ten years. This time of life is best described as a sequence of events that happens gradually.

Remember, you’re not a passive participant in these events. There’s a lot you can do through nutrition, supplements, exercise and lifestyle changes that can affect how you feel, both physically and mentally during this time. 

The perimenopausal sequence of events can be best described like this:

  1. Regular menstrual cycles can start shortening by a day or two. 
  2. Menstrual cycles gradually change, becoming more irregular and / or shorter. 
  3. There is a longer space between periods and when they come, they can be shorter and lighter or heavier. 
  4. Finally, the menopause arrives when you haven’t had a period for 12 months. 

During this time, you’ll ovulate less frequently as fewer follicles are available to grow into mature eggs. It’s really important to note that it’s still possible to get pregnant. It’s not about the number of follicles, but the quality of those follicles when they turn into mature eggs. As an aside, this is why it’s important not to get obsessed with your AMH number if you are trying to get pregnant, but instead, focus on what you can do to improve the quality of your eggs through nutrition, supplementation and stress management. I cover this extensively in chapters 5 and 6 of my book You Can Have a Better Period

Here are some ways you can support yourself nutritionally if you’re in your perimenopausal years:

Add foods that support the liver

During perimenopause, estrogen levels can fluctuate dramatically because not only do you gradually produce less of it, but you also have less progesterone, which counterbalances estrogen. We can’t stop this process, but we can make sure that we’re adding in foods that help the liver and the gut metabolise, or breakdown estrogen so it can be removed from our body through our stools and urine. Here are some foods that you can add into your meals that are really helpful for what we call estrogen detoxification, or the way our liver breaks down estrogen that our body has already used:

  • Add cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, kale, cabbage, kohlrabi, brussels sprouts, bok choy, radish and wasabi.
  • Eat one medium raw carrot each day. Carrots are in the apiaceae family (this also includes parsley, dill, celery and fennel) and contain caffeic acid, which supports estrogen detoxification in the liver.
  • Cook with alliums like onions, garlic, leeks, scallions, shallots, and chives.
  • Add turmeric to your smoothies or fresh juices.

Add foods that help manage the stress response

Anxiety can be one of the earliest symptoms of perimenopause. You can feel fine one moment and then the next, you get hit by a wave of full body anxiety to which you can’t necessarily attribute a cause. To give yourself some extra protection if this happens, you can add foods with specific nutrients into your meals that help manage the stress response. Remember, when we’re stressed, the body uses these nutrients faster so make sure to keep topping them up!

  • Magnesium: pumpkin seeds, green, leafy vegetables, sunflower seeds, cashews, pistachios
  • Vitamin B6: avocado, spinach, wild salmon, organic chicken, sweet potatoes
  • Vitamin C: berries, broccoli, kale, red and yellow peppers, citrus, tropical fruits

Add more high quality protein and fat to your meals to manage your blood sugar levels.

As we move into our late 30s and 40s, we can have more responsibilities and obligations in our lives, which mean that we need to make sure we have enough energy to make it to the end of each day without crashing. Very often, I see perimenopausal women relying on coffee and sugar to prop up their energy levels, which can in the long term, make them feel even more frazzled.

When you add enough high quality protein and fats into each meal, you feel full after each meal, you have more energy and there’s less need to reach for something sweet or drink another coffee to keep you going.

  • High quality protein: Organic / free-range beef, lamb, chicken, dairy and eggs, game, seafood, beans, lentils, fermented tofu and tempeh
  • High quality fats: Nuts, seeds, full-fat, organic dairy, free-range eggs, olive oil, avocado (whole or oil), coconut (oil, cream or milk), butter and ghee

Have you noticed the effects of what you eat on managing perimenopause symptoms? In my next post, I’ll talk about lifestyle factors that can help us have a better perimenopause.


Le’Nise Brothers is a yoga teacher and registered nutritionist, mBANT, mCNHC, specialising in women’s health, hormones and the menstrual cycle. She is also the host of the Period Story Podcast, which aims to break taboos around menstrual health and hormones. 

Le’Nise has helped hundreds of women improve their menstrual and hormone health through her private practice and group programmes, talks and workshops for the likes of Stylist, Channel 4, Boden, Ebay and TikTok and her Instagram page. Le’Nise works primarily with women who feel like they’re being ruled by their sugar cravings, mood swings and hormonal acne & bloating. They want to get to grips with heavy, missing, irregular & painful periods, fibroids, PMS, PCOS, endometriosis, post-natal depletion and perimenopause. 

Her first book You Can Have A Better Period was released in March 2022. 

Food Strategies To Support ADHD Symptoms

In my last post, we started the conversation about the connection between ADHD, or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and our menstrual cycles. The rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone across our menstrual cycles is also linked to the rise of dopamine, serotonin, glutamate and noradrenaline, the brain neurotransmitters that are affected in ADHD. 

What we eat each day and the foods that we add into each meal can have a powerful effect of all aspects of our health, including the way ADHD symptoms manifest. To be clear, I’m not saying that food is a panacea. What I am saying, is that food can be very beneficial, especially when we consider that we have 3 opportunities each day and 21 opportunities each week to add in foods that can positively impact our health. 

Here are 3 ways that food can be supportive for ADHD symptoms:

  • Support healthy estrogen and progesterone balance 

Think of estrogen and progesterone like a see saw that rises and falls depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. When estrogen is too high or too low in relation to progesterone, this imbalance can have a negative effect on many aspects of our health, including the way our brain makes the neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, glutamate and noradrenaline. 

Without being too simplistic, supporting healthy estrogen levels throughout our menstrual cycle can potentially have an impact on neurotransmitters too. It also means that a healthy balance with progesterone can lessen the impact of ADHD symptoms after ovulation during the luteal phase.

Adding cruciferous vegetables such as kale, broccoli sprouts, brussels sprouts, kohlrabi, chard and bok choy helps the liver and the gut in the way that it breaks down estrogens that our body has used so that they can be excreted in our bowel movements and urine. It goes without saying, (but I’ll say it anyway!) that we need to have at the very minimum one bowel movement a day to get rid of these estrogens. If you’re not, have a look at what you can add into your meals to increase the number of healthy bowel movements – fibre, ferments and lots of water are great places to start!

  • Support gut health

Our gut (our large and small intestines) is where we produce about 80 – 90% of our dopamine and serotonin. Although these two neurotransmitters naturally decline as we move towards the end of our menstrual cycles, by supporting our gut and a healthy gut microbiome, we can positively influence the way dopamine and serotonin are made in our gut. 

An easy way to do this is by adding in the 4 Ps: prebiotics, probiotics, polyphenols and phospholipids. 

  • Prebiotics are fibre rich foods that feed the healthy bacteria that already in the gut. Some examples are oats, Jerusalem artichokes, cabbage, garlic, onions, greens, apples and bananas (the greener the better!).
  • Probiotics are fermented foods that introduce new bacteria strains into the gut. Some examples are full fat Greek or natural yoghurt, sourdough bread, kombucha, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi, natto and pickled vegetables.
  • Polyphenols are compounds found in plant based foods. There are over 8,000 different types of polyphenols and they most commonly act like antioxidants, reducing inflammation and the cell damage from free radicals. Brightly coloured fruits and vegetables, herbs, nuts and seeds are great sources of polyphenols.
  • Phospholipids are a type of fat found in plant and animal foods. They are helpful for reducing inflammation and supporting gut health. You can find these in oily fish (remember the acronym SMASHHT – sardines, mackerel, anchovies, haddock, herring, trout), full-fat organic dairy and eggs, algae and flaxseed.
  • Address nutrient deficiencies

There are several nutrient deficiencies that when present, can exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Magnesium, zinc and omega-3 are some of the big nutrient deficiencies that can be addressed through food and supplementation. 

  • Magnesium is an important mineral for supporting serotonin neurotransmission and can calm ADHD symptoms.
  • Zinc is required for serotonin, dopamine and noradrenaline production.
  • Omega-3 fatty acids must be obtained through food and supplements because the body cannot make these on its own.

If you have ADHD, do you notice the effects of food and supplementation on your symptoms? Does this change depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle?

Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash


Le’Nise Brothers is a yoga teacher and registered nutritionist, mBANT, mCNHC, specialising in women’s health, hormones and the menstrual cycle. She is also the host of the Period Story Podcast, which aims to break taboos around menstrual health and hormones. 

Le’Nise has helped hundreds of women improve their menstrual and hormone health through her private practice and group programmes, talks and workshops for the likes of Stylist, Channel 4, Boden, Ebay and TikTok and her Instagram page. Le’Nise works primarily with women who feel like they’re being ruled by their sugar cravings, mood swings and hormonal acne & bloating. They want to get to grips with heavy, missing, irregular & painful periods, fibroids, PMS, PCOS, endometriosis, post-natal depletion and perimenopause. 

Her first book You Can Have A Better Period was released in March 2022. 

ADHD and The Menstrual Cycle

There are so many conditions that are under diagnosed in women through lack of research or lack of understanding, so any conversations we can have about them are vital. 

One condition that comes to mind is ADHD, or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. October is ADHD awareness month, so it’s a great opportunity to continue the conversation on a condition that more and more women are being diagnosed with. 

ADHD has typically been associated with young boys, but increased awareness over the past few years means that more women are starting to make the connection between their own experiences and the condition. 

In a nutshell, ADHD is a condition that affects behaviour, leading to lack of concentration, difficulties following instructions, time management issues, impulsivity and more. The symptoms of ADHD tend to be categorised into two groups:

  • inattentiveness (difficulty concentrating and focusing)
  • hyperactivity and impulsiveness

Women tend to be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and one of the reasons it can be underdiagnosed is because some of the symptoms overlap with those of anxiety. 

Would it surprise you to know that there’s a link between ADHD symptoms and our menstrual cycle?

There are a few neurotransmitters (i.e. brain chemicals) that are affected by ADHD which are linked to the cyclical rise and fall of estrogen across our menstrual cycle. (Remember: our menstrual cycle is day 1 of our period through to the day before our next period starts.) 

  • Dopamine: the reward and focus neurotransmitter 
  • Noradrenaline: one of our stress chemicals 
  • Serotonin: the mood stabiliser 

After we finish our periods, our estrogen levels begin to rise, peaking right before ovulation, midway through our menstrual cycles. We then have a second smaller peak of estrogen, alongside the peak of progesterone that happens after we ovulate. As estrogen rises, so does dopamine and serotonin. 

The research shows that high progesterone (our calming hormone) and the second smaller peak of estrogen after ovulation can positively affect executive function (i.e. the skills that help us get stuff done) and attention

Conversely, the natural decline of estrogen and progesterone before our next period starts can lead to a premenstrual exacerbation (PME) of ADHD symptoms. 

Some of you may also notice that the preovulatory rise in testosterone can exacerbate symptoms related to impulsivity and hyperactivity. 

If you relate this or have already been given a ADHD diagnosis and are unsure how to manage it, here are 5 strategies to start with:

  1. Be aware of each phase of your menstrual cycle.
  2. Notice when ADHD symptoms worsen and in which phase this happens.
  3. Add in nutritional supports to help manage the body’s production of dopamine and serotonin as well as the way the body balances estrogen and progesterone levels.
  4. Plan ahead for times in your menstrual cycle when there is a pattern of ADHD symptoms worsening.
  5. Be gentle with yourself.

In my next post, I’ll talk through different ways nutrition can help with ADHD symptom management during each phase of the menstrual cycle.

Photo by Uday Mittal on Unsplash


Le’Nise Brothers is a yoga teacher and registered nutritionist, mBANT, mCNHC, specialising in women’s health, hormones and the menstrual cycle. She is also the host of the Period Story Podcast, which aims to break taboos around menstrual health and hormones. 

Le’Nise has helped hundreds of women improve their menstrual and hormone health through her private practice and group programmes, talks and workshops for the likes of Stylist, Channel 4, Boden, Ebay and TikTok and her Instagram page. Le’Nise works primarily with women who feel like they’re being ruled by their sugar cravings, mood swings and hormonal acne & bloating. They want to get to grips with heavy, missing, irregular & painful periods, fibroids, PMS, PCOS, endometriosis, post-natal depletion and perimenopause. 

Her first book You Can Have A Better Period was released in March 2022. 

Cherry Cloud Pancakes with Cherry Compote

Try this lovely breakfast recipe that I made for @lovefreshcherries. #sponsored

This is perfect for a lazy weekend morning, with make ahead cherry compote that will keep for up to 5 days in the fridge. These cloud pancakes are a great way to start your day because they’re full of the high quality protein and healthy fats that help balance your blood sugar levels and keep you feeling fuller for longer.

These delicious pancakes and compote contain a whopping 700g of fresh cherries, which means they’re packed with nutrients like vitamin C, potassium and magnesium that help reduce premenstrual symptoms like pain, anxiety, bloating and swelling. 

For more on how cherries can help with menstrual health, check out Love Fresh Cherries’ #NoPeriodPants campaign video.

Makes 15 pancakes 

Ingredients 

Pancakes 

190mL whole organic milk 

5 free-range eggs, separated into yolks and whites

200g pitted and halved fresh cherries 

170g plain flour

1 tsp baking powder

50g butter

Compote

500g pitted and halved fresh cherries 

3 tbsp runny honey 

275mL room temperature water 

How to make it 

Pancakes 

  1. Whisk the milk and egg yolks together in a small bowl. 
  2. In a separate bowl, sift in the flour and baking powder. 
  3. Add the liquids into the dry ingredients and gentle stir together. 
  4. In a separate bowl, use an electric whisker to whisk the egg whites into stiff peaks. This introduces lots of air which helps make the pancakes as fluffy and cloud like as possible. 
  5. Working one spoon at a time, fold the egg whites into the rest of the mixture. Avoid over mixing or the batter will lose the air that makes the pancakes fluffy 
  6.  Put your non-stick pan on the stove and turn to high. When the pan is hot, add a quarter of the butter. Turn the stove down to medium when the butter melts and before it starts to brown. 
  7. Using a scoop (I like to use an ice cream scoop!), add the pancake batter to the pan in your desired size. Drop 3 – 4 cherries into each pancake. 
  8. Cover the pan while the pancakes are cooking and cook for 1 minute (or until bubbles form on the top) and then flip and cook for another minute. 
  9. Repeat until you’ve used all the batter. 
  10. Serve while hot with the cherry compote. 

Compote 

  1. Put all ingredients into a medium sized pot and stir. 
  2. Turn the stove to high heat and bring the mixture to boil. 
  3. Turn to medium – low heat to simmer and let the mixture reduce. 
  4. Stir occasionally so the mixture doesn’t stick to the bottom of the pan. 
  5. The mixture will gradually thicken as the water reduces off. Let reduce for 50 – 60 minutes or until it is the desired consistency.

Give these a try and let me know what you think!

Period Story Podcast, Episode 54: Kerrie-Anne Bradley, Try To Match The Amount of Movement You Do With Where You’re At In Your Menstrual Cycle

On today’s episode of Period Story, I’m so pleased to share my conversation with Kerrie-Anne Bradley, a  Pilates teacher, founder of Pilates At Your Desk, and author of Move More At Your Desk. A self-confessed ex-sloucher, her mission is to get us all moving more during the working day, in simple ways, so that we feel better in our bodies and minds. She’s so passionate about movement and splits her time working with individuals, groups and businesses globally. 

Kerrie-Anne and I had a great conversation about exercise and movement around the menstrual cycle, the process of writing a book and of course, the story of her very first period!

Thank you, Kerrie-Anne!

P.S. Kerrie-Anne has kindly offered listeners the first month of Move At Your Desk free with the code MAYDHAPPY! 

Get in touch with Kerrie-Anne:

Website

Move at Your Desk membership

The Move More at Your Desk book

Instagram

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Tell me the story of your very first period.

Kerrie-Anne It took me a while to to try to remember. Actually, it’s funny, it’s something I wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, so I was working on a fruit and veg stall as a Saturday girl. And I was 14 and I’d been to sleep at my friend’s house the night before. So it started on Saturday morning because I’d gone into work and actually I didn’t know what it was or what was happening to me. And and I remember just being a bit freaked out all day, working at the fruit and veg stall and really worried about it. And it wasn’t until I got home and I said to my mum, Oh, this is happened. And then she said, Oh my goodness, you got your period. And then I just went from being like, you know, utterly worried to utterly freaked out and embarrassed. And like mum stop it, stop embarrassing me. Stop. And then, yeah, so that’s how it came about. 

Le’Nise So we just go back to what you said about you, you weren’t sure what was happening. So you were 14 and had you had any any menstrual health education at that point or any had any of your friends already got their periods? 

Kerrie-Anne So in terms of education and teaching, I think at school, I went to an all girls school actually, and we did have a few sessions in. I think we called it PSE at the time, but I used to think that I was like to think of myself as a bit of a rebel back then, you know, I wasn’t really. So, so I skipped the sessions on the sex education and periods. It’s just a really rebellious thing to do. So, no, I didn’t. I didn’t make those sessions. 

So so I understood the science of it because we talked about the facts in science, but that’s fairly abstract and removed from the emotional and emotive stuff. Abstract, maybe not so much the right word, but you know, it’s a bit cold and clinical clinical and had some of my friends started their period. I think so. Probably. I mean, I was fairly, I think from memory I was fairly late compared to some of my other friends, so I would have been towards the end of 14. I think it actually was. It was sunny and my birthday’s in January. So it was a sunny day. So it must have been going on towards the end of 14 or the middle of 14. So I think probably my friends had but it wasn’t really something that we talked about. It was something that you would use as a badge of honour, I think, to to show that you are a woman now. But aside from that, I don’t think we we really talked about it other than being in that way. 

Le’Nise And when you when you went home and you, your mum was like, Oh my gosh, did she then kind of explain everything that was going on? And what was that conversation like? 

Kerrie-Anne Not really what I remember. I think I think it was perhaps as awkward for my mum as it was for me. We didn’t really have that much of a relationship in terms of explaining stuff like that. So she did the practical stuff like went out and got all the necessary bits, but too many things and I was like, Oh my goodness, again, I’ve got all this stuff. I don’t really know what these things are. And then because of my reaction to her, I guess she would have liked to have more of a conversation about it because but because I reacted, I guess, in an embarrassed way and leave me alone, maybe that didn’t happen because I put the barriers up. 

Le’Nise How did you then continue to educate yourself about what was happening to your body? 

Kerrie-Anne Well, it’s funny, actually, because I didn’t really do very much of that. I just loved the practical stuff and then went about my, well, you know, my merry way. I was not always, do you know what? I even from a young age, I got very bad period pains and mood ups and ups and downs and up and down emotions. And so, I mean, I didn’t even know I didn’t even document my cycle full until about three, three or four years ago, actually. So it was kind of I knew I was going to be getting my period because I’d get really bad pains the day before. But it was more that I was just sort of, yeah, just I was just going through it, but I wasn’t understanding it. And I wasn’t. I wasn’t really well informed, I’d say. 

Le’Nise So when you say you were just going through through it, was it, you get these pains and these mood changes? And was it a case of just dealing, dealing with it whenever they came up? 

Kerrie-Anne  Yeah, exactly, exactly. So I always try to make sure that I had stuff in the house and then dealing with it when it came up in a really angry way. Oh, this is an inconvenience. Oh, I’ve got it now. I’ve got to wear jeans and I’ve got to make sure I’ve got all this stuff. And quite often I wouldn’t remember all this stuff, you know? So yeah, it was dealing with it, as you say. Yeah. 

Le’Nise And and so now what would you say your relationship with your period is like, are your periods still painful, do you still experience the mood changes?

Kerrie-Anne So I definitely experience the mood changes, but I diarise my cycle now. So I think it helps me to understand when different parts of the cycle are happening and also to eat a bit better as well. So, my friend, she’s telling me you’ve to eat some sweet potato, so and I do that . So I do that helps the pain. .And also, it depends how busy I am as well. So I’ve noticed that when I’m more relaxed going into just before, when my periods comes then, I’m less likely to have such intense pains, which I don’t know if there’s scientific stuff behind that. However, I’ve noticed that that’s the way it goes. So I try to be a bit more, a bit kinder to myself and also to appreciate that because I have, you know, I have my tendency is to go, go, go, go, go, go, go. So even just taking a bit more responsibility for that. So not going all the time has made a difference to that and also I talk quite openly with my daughter about these things. She’s 10. So we were already having that conversation, and she’s understanding as well that we can experience different needs and emotions during our cycle. And she says stuff to me like, is your period coming, Mummy? Stuff like that. So. So that’s where I’ve got to. But that’s only so for the last two years of learning about that. So I’ve still got a long way to go and I’m going to read your book. Yeah, that’s that’s where I’m at.

Le’Nise So what happened two years ago that made you start to look a little bit more deeper into what was going on with your menstrual cycle? 

Kerrie-Anne So I’m actually I went to a retreat called the Self-love retreat, run by two ladies called Deanne and Kerry. Do you know them? So they have this lovely retreat in in Ibiza, and I went along to it. My friend Summer invited me along and I had no idea what I was, what I was going in for. I just thought, Oh, do you know whart? My gut told me this was the right thing to do and and it was amazing. It was all about understanding your cycle and the different phases of it, and also how that relates to seasons and two different female archetypes and stuff like that. And I just learned so much from that. And then I tried to put some of that stuff into practice. And I still like to follow, Kerry’s become good friend of mine, and I got to follow along to them because they just sharing information stuff on Instagram. Not necessarily about periods,just about life in general 

Le’Nise How it feels to learn more about your menstrual cycle in that sort of environment. 

Kerrie-Anne Oh, it’s really good because I felt well previously I would have felt really embarrassed, I suppose saying it was a big group because women about how many, maybe I can’t remember now, 15. I think something like that. And we were sharing all this stuff and talking very openly about all manner of things to do with our lives. And I’d never I’d talk openly with friends and so on, but I never had that kind of conversation with people I didn’t know. So it was a really amazing way of normalizing talking about things that that happened to you, that previously I would have thought, Oh gosh, it’s not okay. 

Le’Nise And were or people quite openly sharing their own stories. The other women on the retreat? 

Kerrie-Anne Mm hmm. Yeah, mostly. And also about things that were going on in their lives. But what was remarkable, actually I’ve just remembered, is that so I was actually not far into my cycle, which I did notice. I mean, I’d know that I had a period like the week before or whatever, but quite a few people within that women’s circle got their periods there. Oh, wow. When it wasn’t time to. So we all sort of what’s what’s the word? 

Le’Nise Sync?

Kerrie-Anne What is that what I’m thinking harmonize. But that isn’t quite the right word. Yes. And it was amazing. So then so then it was just talk about in ancient times about how women would go to a tent together when they were going to have their bleeds. And then and this is where the magic happened because they were very insightful and intuitive at that time. And so that was quite nice because that was a real life demonstration of a, current life demonstration of that story, that story that may well have happened. 

Le’Nise Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it’s interesting when talking about synching because you when you read in the mainstream papers about this phenomenon, it tends to be, get dismissed. When you talk to women anecdotally about it, they will say, Yeah, I was living with this house full of girls or women, and then we all we all synched, your experience that you’ve just shared. So I do think is something something in it, even though it gets dismissed, like scientifically because so many women, they share that they’ve had this experience of synching along with whoever they’re on, maybe they’re on a long holiday or retreat or living or in close contact with other women. And I think there’s something really interesting and quite powerful about that. 

Kerrie-Anne Yeah, I think that certainly I can recall that wasn’t the first time that it happened to me because I can remember friends that we would talk about it and stuff. I mean, I grew up in a household with my sister and mom and dad, but I don’t remember also sharing it. But I think it’s because we didn’t talk about it. We didn’t. We didn’t talk to each other about it. 

Le’Nise That is so interesting because I was thinking about like, if, has that ever happened to me? And then I just don’t know. I can’t recall because we never talked about it. So like when I’m thinking about living in the university, when I I like all of a couple of years, I had another female roommate or first year where I lived in a dorm with, you know, loads of other people I just don’t remember. We just we just didn’t talk about it back then. But going back to what you were saying about how openly you talk about your period and where you’re at with your daughter. What prompted you to be so open with her? 

Kerrie-Anne I’m not too sure if that actually I think it was just it just happened without me thinking that this is what I’m going to do. So does that make sense? You know, it was something that I’m fairly open with my daughter about most things. So I think maybe it was just a natural and natural conversation that we had. And see I’m quite vocal about those things. I know probably too much sometimes. So maybe, maybe that’s just past that. Yeah, I didn’t want her to have the same shame and embarrassment and stuff that I had when I was growing up. So about the whole manners of things. So I think to try to change that, that’s that’s me also where this comes from. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Do you feel any shame about your period now? 

Kerrie-Anne Not really, no. I have to say I said I at the retreat that I mentioned before, the Self-love retreat, Dee and Kerry, they were encouraging us to like, love our periods and embrace it. And so I’m not there yet. Definitely not, and I’m not sure I ever will be. But, you know, I’ve accepted that it’s it’s what it is. And actually, I’m I don’t feel embarrassed about it or anything. I just think…

Le’Nise I think that kind of there’s a spectrum when it comes to our relationships with our period. And I’m our cycle where some people, they really they love it and like, they’re really in that really period positive space and something I talk about a lot is this idea of even just being a bit more neutral about your your period and your menstrual cycle and coming away from this place of hate or discuss or shame because there’s a lot of information that we can get from wherever we are. And it can be quite powerful. So it’s interesting that you, you know, you got to that place and that’s a great place to be. 

Kerrie-Anne Yeah, definitely, and I think, as you say, if you are open to being less well to apply less negative connotations to it, then you can learn so much more and it can make you feel a whole lot better. So. So I think that’s good enough to hold, isn’t it? 

Le’Nise Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And so you are a Pilates teacher and you’ve just released a wonderful new book, which I want to talk about in a minute. But tell us a little bit more about Pilates and maybe how you incorporate your knowledge of your menstrual cycle into your own practice. 

Kerrie-Anne And yeah, sure, I mean, I teach all sorts of different types of Pilates, not so much on machines at the moment because I’ve got a few bits and bobs here, but I’m mostly teaching online, but I can teach reformer and everything like that. Piilates. For me, it’s just this wonderful framework of movement for creating balance within your within your body. So making all of the different body parts work in an even in a way, is possible. And so, so. And it’s centered around the core, the middle. But that’s because it’s trying to create balance. And so if you start in the middle, then you’re more likely to have a closer version of symmetry within an asymmetrical structure. So, so, so, so. So I think I can. That’s it. Joseph Pilates is the guy. He started it. He created a repertoire, a sequence of movements where the movements knew. Now, because, you know, these different movements show up in many different movement modalities. And they’re so, you know, there are so many and only so many ways we can move, although I’m not sure what I remember is going and and. But however, he applied his knowledge and created a sequence of movements and then adapted it for different machines to enhance how people would move. And so so that’s how I see Pilates and I teach mat classes. 

And then I’ve got business called Pilates At Your Desk where I mostly teach people in a corporate setting or a platform for individuals to join as well where I’m doing movement that they can do throughout the day because it’s all very well doing an exercise class for an hour in the day. But then if you’re not moving for the rest of the day then your body is not going to be very happy about it and it’s not moving in the sense that it’s for the next time you had or running a marathon or whatever that takes up quite a lot of your day, and it’s just simple stuff. So, you know, moving your arms, shaking, waving your spine, moving your legs and trying to trying to get a little, there’s a term used by someone in America. Katie Bowman, I think, is the person who created it called movement snacks. So just slotting in, I call the movement breaks actually in my book, but slotting in opportunities for movement. 

How do I then take into consideration my cycle while doing this? Well, you know what? It can be tricky because so part of the time, every every week I teach a set number of mat classes, for example. And and because it’s online, I do it with the with the class while teaching them as well. And so when it’s when I’m in the my, it’s when I get my period or just before, when I want to chill out a bit more. It can be tricky because I’m still teaching and I and so I show up for that bit, but then I’ll be much gentler with myself in general. So just gentle stretches a bit more yoga based, which I know you’re more familiar. Anyway, it’s taking much more time to rest. So I lie down a lot in those in these time, when I can in the day, I teach a lot of one to one, 20 or so week and and I don’t move with them. So say that’s yeah. I think it’s quite a few with my clients. I sort of do a lot of rehab work, actually, so quite a few of my clients come with a medical condition. So, so I’m very much eyes on the person that so. So when I’m in my, you know, my more energetic phase of my cycle, they’re not really going for it. And I’m doing all sorts of like running around the garden. I never make it outside of just about one minute go to my Peloton classes doing it all sorts. And yeah, so so I try do. Try to match the amount of movement I do with where I’m at. Yeah. I hope some of that is unavoidable. Yeah, within teaching. Yeah. But if a client comes in, they say, Oh, I’ve got my period today and I feel pretty rough and I’m not going to make them, do you know, loads of like hundreds and the rest just wouldn’t do fast? Yeah, yeah. 

Le’Nise That’s really interesting how you say that. Like, there are classes where you won’t demonstrate each, all of the poses. And I had my period last week and I I had to remind myself, you don’t have to kind of demonstrate every single pose. It’s fine. You can do verbal instructions, verbal demonstrations, and it’s absolutely fine. Even though I’ve been teaching for a while, I still have to remind myself of that because the tendency is to kind of want to jump in and show them. But it’s actually can be more powerful when you’re just, you know, just talking, talking more and doing less. So it’s interesting that you, you say that. So tell tell us a little bit more about your your business. So Pilates At Your Desk. That is so. And what you said about movements snacks or what you said movement breaks. That’s so interesting because, you know, certainly in the last couple of years, we’ve spent a lot more time at our desks and you see this where people, they’re just kind of they’ve been more sedentary and they’re starting to get back into fitness, but they’re finding it a little bit more challenging. So talk about the concept of pilates at your desk, how you came up with that and what kind of what you what you do with that in practice. 

Kerrie-Anne And so I came up with that, before I taught Pilates, I worked at desk for about 10 years and I had a whole list of aches and pains. I had sciatica, so these sort of constant neck pains, shoulder aches all the rest of it, and I was pretty young to have all those things. So I started going to Pilates classes. I started when my daughter was born, a lovely lady called Grace. It talks about periods a lot, actually. She’s a postnatal and prenatal specialist, so she works with women all the time and she. So I started lessons with her post-natally and then I went back to work and I went to a studio near there, . I mean, my work’s had all these different places and then the lady convinces me to quit my job. So I did. 

And then I was teaching Pilates for a few years, and then I was sort of having clients come to lessons. I was teaching mostly one to one step in and a few reformer classes, and people would come and they’d have things going on in their bodies. And I would fix them or help them to fix themselves in that state in that hour. And then they come back the next week, the same things. So my brain’s thinking. How are we going to fix this? What are we going to be able to do that’s going to change this relationship? Because this is this is only this is only a short term solution here. So so what I did was I put together a programme like a bit like Joseph Pilates, but I’m not calling myself him, just like a program of exercises that people could do during the week. And they were all seated and standing things. And those who did it started to feel better, and those who didn’t tier journey was continuing on the same path. Although, you know, they were making improvements, just taking longer. 

So, so I decided to roll this out because I figured I’ve got all this information and I want to share this information with people because actually, a lot of how we feel in our bodies when we’re walking can be easily fixed by doing, making a few more changes, being a bit more aware about where your body is in space, changing how you position yourself over your feet when you’re standing, if you stand for work or how you sit. And so various things like that. And so then I connected with a few businesses through friends and so on, and I just went in and I trialled the workshop with them. I worked with them, the newspaper, a Japanese newspaper, a PR agency and a finance company. My first clients. And the rest is history really. So now I’ve worked with hundreds of companies, been online for the last two years before I used to run around London. I did some sessions in Jersey, I’m from Jersey, so that’s that connection that. And now I’m doing it globally. And yeah, I’ve been lucky. I’ve worked with loads of the big companies now Facebook, PayPal, Google, those guys and lots of the big law firms and accountancy, ASOS. And I did a great thing with Camden Town Brewery actually where I went in and I spent a few days with them figuring out how the different cohorts of people what so some of them who do a lot of standing, just doing distribution or packaging or the brewing bit. And then I held a little one to one with them and I could give them some bespoke exercises and then do some workshops, and that was a pretty cool thing that was just before the pandemic. Yeah. So that’s it really. So now I’m sort of going back into in person. 

I’ve got a couple of workshops happening in New York this month which a great teacher in New York is going to be running for me, and I’m just trying to build it. And then and then I’ve got a platform as well, which is called Move At Your Desk, and it’s just loads of on demand videos that anybody can join. And and and that’s on. Each month I hold a workshop which is live and it’s a postural clinic, I call it. I’m not sure that’s the best name, but it’s one that people understand. On Sunday, I did a walking and running workshop. How to how to do it was very much focused on feet with a friend of mine, Verity. She’s a gait expert. And then and then we did the clinic. So this all these I’ve done one on hips, back, shoulders. That’s a very long explanation, isn’t it? 

Le’Nise No, that’s great. It’s always really interesting to hear. Well, people who have their own businesses to hear the journey of what what prompted you to give up your corporate, your job in the corporate world and then build your own business and you’re doing something really interesting where you have so ostensibly you’re a Pilates teacher, but then you’ve got all your fingers in lots of different pies where you’ve got, you know, you’ve got your book, which we’ll talk about in a minute. You’ve got your online platform. You do workshops. You do lots of different things. So for anyone who’s listening, who wants to do something similar, you’ve got a great role model here in Kerrie-Anne. And so, yeah, it’s really it’s really amazing. And you created this online platform where you’ve got lots of videos and workshops. So for anyone who wants to join that, can you give us the details? 

Kerrie-Anne Yeah, sure. So you can find it on my website, pilatesatyourdesk.com, and it’s £18 per month and that’s an access to anything or one hundred and eighty pounds for the year. And I also have corporate membership options available to me, and since we’re here, I’m very happy to give anyone listening to this a month’s free. So so I’ll get I’ll send you the details that he can remember if you’re listening and you could do it while you’re listening MAYDHAPPY in the discount box. When you’re signing up, then you get the first month for free. 

Le’Nise OK, OK, great. That’s very generous of you. Thanks. And now talk talk about your book. So are both of our books came out on the same day? So this is three weeks ago now. And what what someone some wise person once told me is that the book publication day is just the start. So talk about firstly, tell talk about how you got a book deal and what it was like writing and in your case, shooting the photos. Tell us a little bit more about that. 

Kerrie-Anne So actually, that happened a bit retrospectively because I already had photos. So so we we matched them by taking the photos. I did have to take some more, actually, but in hindsight, I wish I’d done that to after I’d written it. But that’s not the end of it. Back to how it began. I would say Anya, probably if you’ve met that, yeah, I knew you did work for Watkins. Publishing is someone who I’ve been known on Instagram for a long time. And before I taught Pilates actually as well. And so she has always been saying, I’ll be great, you should write a book. It will be great. It would be good to get that. And then she actually, I think another friend of mine had also just written a book and said, You need to write about this. You want me to put you in touch with my agent was like, No, no, I can’t be bothered with that. I’ve already got a lot of stuff going on. And then I’m you said, Come on, not do it. You can do it. 

And I said to my friend Eloise, Oh, I’ve got this offer, but I don’t think I’m going to do it. And I don’t mean to sound like, you know, like it’s I’m grateful because I’m not ungrateful. I just was thinking, I’m so busy. I’m so busy in lockdown with the workshops and everything, and I just thought, I can’t do this is too much. And my friend Eloise said, Look, you’ve been offered to write, to write a book. People don’t get those opportunities. You have to write the book. OK, fine. Put together the proposal and Anya helped me. And then and then it came about. But I had written quite a bit already because I used quite a lot of information in my workshops. So and all of the movements, of course, I had the pictures and everything so that the actual writing part and I don’t know how you felt about this process, but I actually found it completely exhausting. And I was writing, working sometimes 10 hours a day and writing between lessons and night time and then trying to run the house as well and be a mom and a wife and a dog mom and everything. So. And I just found it. I found it. So I didn’t appreciate just how much it had taken out of me. It’s funny until until I look back now and I think, wow, I was tired, you know, and I thought it was great. And it was really because it was so. It is quite fast, actually, it was a fast. I think I signed a contract in January last year. I think it was January and then I handed to it for the last time before that, the editing rounds say for the first time in June. So it was, I think that’s quite is that quite fast. 

Le’Nise I was that was about the same timeframe as me and everyone I’ve spoken to who has said that’s really fast. 

Kerrie-Anne OK. That’s I mean, I don’t really know very many people who’ve written books if I’m honest, but I think it must be quite hard. And then there were a few iterations, quite a few iterations of of editing and so on. And and then suddenly, you know, there it is published three weeks ago and I find I remember I sent you a message and I was kind of like, you know, I feel like I haven’t done all the things that I should be doing. I don’t really know what to do. And you said to me that about point about the lovely wise words that someone had shared with you about it being start of the process. And and so that was that was really great. Thank you, I’m a lot less worried about it. But now that being, I think it’s scarier having something out there where you’ve got no control over what people say about it. And that’s the biggest thing. I think that’s hard because, you know, that is I mean, I I think I know that not everybody is going to like my book because why would they say it’s, you know, it’s it’s not for everybody. But when you read stuff about what people think about it, I mean, it’s quite mean, you know, it’s it’s hard. It’s really hard. So I’m trying not to look at the book, there’s loads of nice things, reviews, but the bad ones you focus. I’ve been focusing on the bad one, so I need to look. 

Le’Nise Yeah, there is a thing where people, you could have someone like one hundred, ninety nine people saying amazing things, but then one person says something a bit negative, and that’s the thing that sticks in your mind. 

Kerrie-Anne Yeah, exactly. And yeah, but that’s that’s part of the learning. I think it’s a brave thing to do putting putting your work out there. And, you know, I don’t know how you feel about this, but you know, if if I wrote the book again today, it would be different from how it was last January. So I feel that I think that, you know, you learn so much in our in our profession as time goes on. So you could write it differently could present it differently. It’s difficult to present exercise in a book because in my mind, people do exercise by doing it rather than reading it and then doing it. So I didn’t want to make it all exercises in the book because I think there’s limited value in that. But for some people, that is what they want. So, of course, that this book, which is not about information about why we need to move more, thinking about how you stand, thinking about how you sit, then the exercises and then tips on how to integrate movement. This book just is not going to be the one for those people that want to read and do exercises or have, you know, big pictures with instructions underneath because this isn’t what this is. Yeah. So yeah. 

Le’Nise It’s really it’s really easy for people to criticize, but it’s much harder for someone to actually write a book. So I think whenever you get negative reviews or reviews that you just don’t feel that happy about you have to remember that like it’s easy to be a critic and it’s easy to criticize what other people are doing. 

But what’s far harder is the graft that it takes to kind of not only write something and write something so comprehensive, but to put yourself out there. You know what both of us do. We’re both putting ourselves out there. And there’s, you know, there’s a lot there’s something really great about that, having the confidence to be able to say, Well, these are the videos that I’ve created. This is the book that I’ve written. You can take it or leave it. If it’s not for you, then I’m sure there’s something else out there that is for you. 

Kerrie-Anne Exactly, exactly. I like the way you’re thinking. 

Le’Nise When I wrote my book, I was really clear that, you know, my book was very much about the menstrual cycle. Different conditions, but also how food can help. And there’s not a lot out there about that. About like specifically like the detail of how food can help. And I’ve always been clear, if you want something that’s a bit more of a polemic, you know, that’s more about like feminism and the patriarchy and the effect of the menstrual cycle. There are books out there that cover that, but that’s not my book. So you know, you get what you get. If you don’t, if you don’t like it, then there’s something else for you. I’m being I found to be quite quite pragmatic in my viewpoint around this. 

Kerrie-Anne I think that’s really, actually really great because you’ve created boundary there. And I think actually even just saying to you now I’ve said about this is not a book that site written, detailed as well. There are lots of exercises in it, but it’s not one that you intended to go. But, you know, like a routine, there are routines in that, but they’re a very small section of it. It’s made me then say, well, the what the boundaries are really like. This is a book that will help you if you’re experiencing pain, if you’re not moving enough, if you want to know a bit more about how to, when to move forward or why you should do it and then how to do it, then this is for you. Yeah. And then you can find my videos, if you want to follow along. In my mind, that’s how you do it. Yeah. 

Le’Nise And where can where can people get the book?

Kerrie-Anne It’s on Amazon and it’s called Move More At Your Desk. I hope I haven’t put you off, you know? It’s a really nice book on Amazon and that it’s you buy on Waterstones,  Watkins through Watkins publishing. Mostly, . I’ve just been saying Amazon. How about you? 

Le’Nise Yeah, I’ve been saying Amazon or anywhere, anywhere. You buy books. 

Kerrie-Anne Yeah, I’ve got a few copies at home. I’m so happy to hear you. 

Le’Nise So you’ve got your book. And we, as we said, it’s a first. You know, it’s the start of the journey. But from a book perspective, what’s next? Have you thought about the next book you’re going to write? Is there going to be a next book? What have you started even thinking about that yet? 

Kerrie-Anne No, the answer is no. I haven’t thought about that, but I know. Have you? 

Are you going to write another book? 

Le’Nise Yes, I want to. Yeah. Yeah. I want to.  

Kerrie-Anne If I’m honest. But you know, that could change. Maybe I, as I’ve been talking to you and I’ve said to you, if I rewrote it now, I’d do it differently and I’d have extra things to say and so on. Then that’s perhaps planted a seed for something new. But actually, I think I’m a much better verbal communicator. And it probably would be the right. Yeah, right. Yeah. So so I really like doing these kinds of things and teaching workshops and being on panels and presenting and jumping around the stage and stuff like that. So, so, so so I really like to channel my efforts into to that. Yeah, yeah. For the next for the next 10 years. 

Le’Nise Well, it’s it’s amazing. An amazing thing to have written a book. So yeah, no, this isn’t. I’m just like, This is my natural like me, the way I am thinking, always thinking about the next thing. But you know, there is something about it. Just also just enjoying the fact that you’ve written a book. That’s no mean feat. You know, there are a lot of people who would love to write a book. So, yeah, you know, it’s amazing. 

Kerrie-Anne It’s a difficult one because I think I’m also latching on onto the next saying the next thing. And my head is like thinking of all these different things. But one thing that is tricky is to list the thing that you said about enjoying that. You’ve written a book. I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I have like moments of it when I’m like, Wow, I did this, but it’s quite hard. I think if you are someone who’s always on to the next thing. Yeah, to be with. But actually, I put it right next to me everywhere I go. So I can remember you wrote a book 

Le’Nise And you’re on the cover of the book as well. 

Kerrie-Anne You’re on the cover of the book. .I’m on the cover of the book. Yeah, I know. I mean, to be honest, I’ve not even taken it back in, but I’m actually on. Yeah. It’s funny. Isn’t it funny? 

Le’Nise Yeah, it’s it’s something that, you know, you really kind of just enjoy, enjoy the moment. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 53: Rachel Burgess, You’ve Got To Create The Life You Want To Live

On today’s episode of Period Story, I’m so pleased to share my conversation with Rachel Burgess, the owner of the Rachel Burgess Bridal Boutique, which she opened 10 years ago to celebrate handmade Welsh bridal wear and accessories.

Rachel is truly inspiring and I’m so grateful that she opened up and shared her story. After a routine scan to follow up from a hip operation when she was 22, the results found that there was a cyst making a home on Rachel’s right ovary, which was surgically removed. In 2018, after another routine check up on the remaining left ovary it was clear that another cyst was forming so that too was removed, leaving Rachel with 30% of a working ovary. Rachel just had her first period in five years and we talk about this and her view of womanhood, post-surgery. And of course, Rachel shared the story of her first period.

Thank you, Rachel!

Get in touch with Rachel:

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise So I start each podcast with with one question, which is, tell me the story of your very first period. 

Rachel I can remember, it’s oh, my goodness, so clearly in my mind, I remember going to the bathroom first thing and I was about 14 years old and I was wearing bright pink knickers and I was like, Whoa, what is it? What are what is going on here, team? And I remember having a little bit of a moment and thinking, What is this? Is this what people have been talking about? A period? I think this is happening. So I remember running out of the bathroom, running along the hallway, and I’m kind of like calling my mother out of her room being like, I think something’s happening. And she was like, Oh, you know, those things are left in your bed a couple of months ago. You’ll need those now. And I was like, OK, and this is it. 

And literally that was my introduction to the world of having a period of, OK, I’ll go find those weird pad things that you left on my bed and didn’t say much about other than you’ll need them at some point. And so I I remember thinking, OK, so how do these work? You know, like reading the back of it, reading the back of the label and kind of going, what are these little like wing flap things that kind of go, Well, how does that work? So I remember thinking, I’m being really paranoid when I when I. When I kind of put everything back on of like, can people see this through my school uniform, I was really conscious of it. And can people see that I’m wearing a sanitary towel and myself and my girlfriends, we didn’t really. We didn’t talk about it, really. But I kind of I remember feeling slightly self-conscious to begin with. And then as that kind of week or couple of days went on, I kind of felt a bit like I’m a woman now, like, I am no longer a girl, I am a woman, and I can remember that kind of feeling then. I don’t know it felt like a really. It felt like a an awakening in that in that sense that I’ve definitely come into a new chapter of my life. 

Le’Nise Say more about this feeling of being a woman or becoming a woman and awakening what made you feel like that? 

Rachel So I guess I’ve always been. I’m the youngest of all of my siblings. I was the youngest in like kind of a school year, so I’ve always felt a little bit like the little one, you know? And I kind of just had this feeling of, Oh, I belong here now. Like, I’m I can do my GCSEs now because I’m a woman. You know, it was those kind of moments and. Even though my period is from that day was never regular, it will. I was very lucky that it was never painful, but it was heavy and she made herself known when she did make an appearance. I was like, OK, we’re in this, and we were in this about 10 days. It was never a short thing and where I grew up. So my parents are farmers in mid-Wales. And so there was a little store, like a little corner shop. I will say it wasn’t on the corner, it was in the middle of just the little houses, but I had to run across two fields to get to. 

And I remember thinking one day, Oh my goodness, my period started because it was never like I said it was never. Regular, you never had the same time every month if it did happen every month. And I remember thinking, OK, at the back of my wardrobe, I’ve got these things, so I’ll put them in my pants and I’ll be fine. And then I remember it started. And I was like, Oh my God, I don’t have any of these left. So the next thing I know my mother is, like I said to her, I don’t have anything and I’ve got to go to school. She’s like, I’ll be back. And she runs across these two fields to the local shop. And they had them right high up like above on the top shelf of anything and so much so that the guy had to get his ladder out to go and get the pack with sanitary towels down. And then she she kind of ran back and even that she was so brilliant with that type of thing, she never really spoke about it. She’s like, There you are. Like, That’s that’s what you need. And the sanitary towels, like the ones in the corner shop. I remember they were awful, like I was so thick and was was so uncomfortable. I’m just I was so paranoid all day that they were just going to slip out or anything like that. And so always then made a point of kind of going whenever I’m in town on my own, I will go and get the good, Always sanitary towels. And that was what I will then use. But yes, I did get a little bit caught up with that type of thing every now and again. 

Le’Nise Talk a little bit about how you learnt more about your period and what was happening with your body because you say you grew up in rural Wales. And your mum gave you a pack of pads but didn’t really talk to you about what was going on. So how did you educate yourself about what was going on with your body? 

Rachel So I. Oh, do you know what I think I just learnt as I went along? And because like I said, we didn’t talk about it, even though us girlfriends were really close. We didn’t chat about. What oh, I’ve got my period this month. You might hear it in the in PE  changing rooms. Somebody might go, Oh, I’m in so much pain. I can’t do this this this week, and I’m like, Oh, why? And then I was thinking, should my be painful or? And then you hear people I really need to have chocolate like now because of my period, and I’m like, Oh, OK. Is that something then that I will just have like, like when I’m on my period to do that, I will have chocolate. You know, it’s just I don’t know why we didn’t talk about it. 

I think it’s a generational thing from my for my parents, they didn’t really charge, and so therefore like they like, well, we don’t know. Whereas now I’m a woman in my mid-thirties, I’m like, I love talking about this stuff because it’s so empowering because knowledge is power, right? And I really could have done with more of that, I think, at that age. So I I wasn’t academic in school. I was definitely there for the social side of things. So I was in the bottom set for science. So the moment you mentioned periods, oh my God, like it was hysteria in the classroom, nobody you like and the teachers, they were trying to keep us focussed. They were trying. But oh my god, if you mentioned ovaries, uterus, womb, anything, I mean, the guys were just in floods of hysteria on the floor because they didn’t know how to cope with the situation. So then I’m like trying to be cool and trying to be cool, but then secretly going, I really want to learn about all this. Like, what? What does this mean? But then we were really taught about the biology side of it rather than the emotional side of it. And that is definitely something in the last couple of years, I’ve kind of really delved into and I’m noticing how my body is feeling, but that’s because I’ve made a huge amount of changes within my life personally to really focus on that and become in tune with what my what my body is telling me. 

Le’Nise So say a little bit more about what you did to to educate yourself about what was happening and also about the changes that you’ve made to be more in tune with yourself and what your body is telling you. 

Rachel So. So basically at the age of I think it was 16, I went on the combined pill and I kind of. Again, that was a moment of like, oh, this is another level of of me owning my body and taking that kind of empowerment side of things. And I think the pill gave me the opportunity to have a regular period or a bleed in that sense. And I loved being able to have the control of I did lots of horse riding and gymnastics and stuff like that and kind of being like, I don’t want to be on my period now. So I was petrified of like in PE for either GCSE PE and we were I think about six of us females on those were 14 males and we had to wear leotards and the guys didn’t. And so I was absolutely then thinking, Oh my God, is this the day that I’m going to come on my period? Is this the day I’m going to come on my period? Then I really appreciated actually having the pill because it meant I could take some control going OK, even though I know I want a period, I don’t want it now. And I stayed on that for a very, very long time until my early 30s. 

So I that was my education in a way of kind of think, OK, I’ll take control. I have this pack. I followed Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then I have a week off so that I can have a bleed and then I’ll start again. But I went for a routine scan. I had a hip operation. So they’re just doing a little routine scan on that. And it brought up that there were actually some dermoid cysts making a little home on my right ovary. And I was like, Right, then what does that mean? And it meant having my ovary surgically removed. So I think has about twenty five, maybe at that time when that got removed. And that was quite a big kind of conversation. They they said they would like to have a chat to myself, my partner at the same time that if we were thinking about having a family, then these are things that we need to consider. 

All of a sudden that you’re sitting down and like having a glass of wine thinking, Well, we need to talk about, are we going to do that? I don’t. I don’t. I don’t want that. But then when somebody saying that decision might be taken away? Well, hang on a minute. I want to be in control of that. But luckily, we both very much on the same page with that. But that isn’t in our life plan that we’ve that we’ve got mapped out, I say, mapped out. We’ll see, you know, had to go with the flow with all of that. And yeah, so I had the operation, I had the ovary removed. And then after that I was like, Why am I putting this pill in my body? Like, I need to give my left over a chance here to kind of stop seeing if she can create this period for me naturally? So I then. Came off the pill and. I looked at how I was living my life, and it was very, very unhealthy. I ate convenience food. I was a theatre stage manager for a very long time, so I was away on tour a lot, which meant you would have your evening meal after you do your your evening show. So you’d go out for a curry about 11 o’clock at night and then you have quite a few drinks and then you’d stay in bed until midday the next day. Then you’ll get to the theatre and you’ll do a matinee show. So it was very much like. And then you would eat a bag of Haribo throughout the show to keep you going because you need the energy levels. And then there’s always snacks there. A lot of drink was involved, and I thought some things here need to change. 

So at the age of 30. Yeah. 30. I became completely plant based and a completely plant based diet. I haven’t drank now for two years, and that has completely from that, from taking all of those almost allergens away from my body. I’ve become more in tune than ever, and my body speaks to me, what it needs. And I listen to it because it’s not constantly in a fight or flight kind of situation. I find I’m so yeah, and I started moving. I never moved before. I’ve got myself a pair of trainers and I just every day just just get out because I have a body that can move. So and I just want to. I want to see what it can do. I want to listen to it, but I want to fuel it with that. With fuel, it would be with the Like, I want to give it that opportunity to thrive. 

Le’Nise Yeah, yeah. So you’ve been on quite a journey and quite transformative one. What did you use to educate yourself about what was going on? So, you know, having an ovary removed is quite a it’s quite a big deal, and it sounds like you did get some aftercare from from the NHS or wherever you have done. Yeah, but then what happened after that? Where did you find out more about what was going on and how did you educate yourself? 

Rachel So podcasts have been really, really useful. I also did quite a bit of reading up because a lot of people were kind of, I actually kept it very private. To be honest, I didn’t talk to a lot of people about it because I thought, basically, I named them both. So I named them Olwen and Olive, because it was much easier to talk to my father about the fact I have ovaries. And if I was like, I have an Olwen and I have an Olive and olive is completely going and we’re going to keep Olwen and he’s like, right, cool. That’s all I need to know tidy. Great. Thank you. So I didn’t really speak to many people about it. I told my girlfriends after the operation, just, you know, I’ve been in. I’ve had this removed and that was my own way of controlling things. And that was my own way of I didn’t want people to worry because as soon as you start to say to people, I have some cysts in my ovaries, you can see their reaction was more than I was becoming. Try to protect them. I’m it’s OK. This is all right. This is in control. We’re going to be alright with this and I just didn’t want any of that. So I kind of just wanted to park that go in and have the surgery be in recovery and heal as fast as I can and then explain. So I’ve just been through this situation. 

What I after afterwards, though it was it was pretty tough like I remember, so I had. But they were hoping to go in through my belly button. Unfortunately, the cyst was 11 centimetres, so they actually ended up going in. I have a C-section scar at the top of my bikini line. And so they went in that way and I ended up with about twenty one staples across my bikini line after afters. And that was quite that was that was painful. Would like even just trying to sit up and sneeze or anything like that. And anybody that has given birth I applaud you that has had a C-section because I do not know how you hold a baby when you have that because I couldn’t even lift up a cup of tea like you want. And yeah, so I the aftercare of that was great, but I had to go to the doctors to have my these staples removed. And unfortunately, I think whoever was removing them. Hadn’t looked at my notes correctly because part of the procedure meant basically inflating my stomach so they could do what they need to to do. And so I was incredibly bloated and I was wearing very loose fitting clothes. And she saw that I had this C-section scar and said, Congratulations. What did you have? And I was like, Oh no, babe, you want to read your notes? Because I didn’t. I’ve actually had an ovary removed and to me, that that’s OK because I’m not planning a family of my own. But to somebody who is 50 percent of that chance has been taken away from them, that’s an incredibly emotional process for them to have to deal with. 

So I was like, Oh no, you want to read your notes on that because that isn’t actually what’s happened. But healing wise, it took me quite a bit of time physically after that. But I also, like I said, my diet wasn’t in the best place then, and I definitely think I was fueling it with the wrong things. So much so that two years ago, when I went back for another little, which kind of just making sure Olwen’s OK. They noticed that dermoids were starting to grow on her now, basically. And I was like, Oh no, here we go again. So I went in and did what was on one of the boutique’s birthdays, actually. So I was like, OK, what a way to celebrate the boutique turning 8 years old, me going back into surgery. But I went in and they they were hoping to say half of it. We managed to save 30 percent. So I now have 30 percent of Olwen left, but I have to say my recovery from that. I was out on the same day and I was back running 10 days later and I had the same procedure. They went along the same scarline again. But I have to say, like, I can’t emphasise enough the person who I was when I had that first operation and the way I ate and the way I treated my body to the person who I am now, I can only put that down to the lifestyle that I lead now, being so quick in comparison to before I was in hospital for 10 days. I was out in the same day this time, but that was awesome. My partner was brilliant. The hospital food wasn’t, wasn’t they? They had a little bit of a freak out moment when I said I’m plant based and they didn’t have anything that they could kind of get me. But that was OK. My other half came in and he just brought in all this fruit and all this veg and just I just sat there and I just to feel that I can literally feel my body just saying, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is nutrients that can help heal me here. We don’t just heal the internal operations side that’s been going on, but also heal me with hormones, you know, just help help that, really. 

Le’Nise So you’ve been on quite quite a journey with regards to your reproductive health. Did you have you talked about healing, physical healing and emotional healing? Was there ever a moment where you felt like you needed to mourn what what could have been or what? You know, even though you have said that having children wasn’t in your plan? Did you ever feel like you just needed to have a moment of mourning? 

Rachel Most definitely. Yes, especially after the first operation for a good few months, I would say actually, that I was I felt I felt quite angry. But why is this decision been taken away from me, even though I knew I didn’t want that? I wanted to have control of that decision. And of course, then everywhere you look, it just felt like everybody had children or everybody was having children around me. And it was at a time where, you know, I remember saying, I don’t think I’m going to go down that route of having my own children. People would say, Oh, you’ll change your mind, you’ll change your mind. You know, it was definitely in that category. And I was like, Well, even if it did change my mind, I’m actually not sure what the chances are here anyway. You know, so, but I definitely went through that mourning phase and I was a bit like my womanhood. Like I said, these organs make me a woman I love, you know, identifying and being a woman, and I love my body and what it can do. 

But having, yeah, that taken away from me definitely felt like, does it make me less of a woman? Am I less of a woman in that sense? So I had to work through that, and I even know that there were times like. With when people talk about their cycles. Oh, I get this because I can’t identify with that because I don’t have that. And since my last operation, so that was not possible in twenty two now. Yes. So it’s about four years ago, about two years ago. Sorry. And. There’s been a I’ve been not I didn’t go back on the pill after my operation so that I could let see what Olwen the last 30% of her can do like do we have a period naturally here. And no, not at all. So apart from, well, I get so excited about this because I just had my first ever period in four years ago this week, so I’m celebrating. So those really exciting. I was like, Oh my God, what do I do again? I need to remember. But sorry, I completely digress. So if I go back and just explain the lead up to the last operation, I came off the pill so that they were no synthetic hormones in me as such. And then I never had one afterwards. So we’ve been working that way to kind of work out why I wasn’t then having a period. And I found it really. So I found like I maybe couldn’t get involved in some conversations that were happening online or within friendship circles about, Oh, I’m at this stage of my period because I couldn’t identify with that because I don’t know, because I wasn’t having one and I was like, Oh, but I want to know what my spring, summer, winter stages are. I want to be able to to understand that. But I could feel emotionally when I was getting tired, when I was getting exhausted and I thought, Well, maybe that’s something to do with my cycle, but I’m just not having to bleed until last week.

Le’Nise That’s so interesting that you you really wanted to participate in those conversations and also what you mentioned earlier about what you felt as though you may have been less of a woman and this. I just find it so fascinating this strong identification that many of us feel and experience when we have a period, the sense of womanhood. And then when it gets taken away and you know, we most typically that will happen when we are going through menopause, that how that can shake the foundations of how we identify ourselves. Because you hear people say, well, just because you have a you’re having a period doesn’t make you a woman. You know, people will say that, but that’s not how many of us feel, you know? And you’ve articulated your feelings around that so brilliantly. So talk a little bit now about how, if, if this has changed the way you feel about yourself with regards to your womanhood or how you reconciled these changes in terms of how you how you feel identity wise? 

Rachel Sure. So I I’ve come to terms with, Oh, I love my body now more than I ever have done. So I’ve come to terms with, yes, I don’t have these organs as such. These reproductive systems. But what I do have? Oh my God, she’s amazing. You know what? She allows me to do and I love, I love. The way the you know, I can just turn I can do a Pilates class and I might might not be able to do what a lot of the people are doing it for my own physical, like I need to stretch out more. My hamstrings are really, really tight, but I have the privilege to turn up on a yoga mat, a pilates mat and move my body. And so I’ve started loving her, so I’ve changed my outlook around from what she can’t give me in that sense to what she bloody well can give me. And that’s just that is so it feels so peaceful and so empowering a lot along the same lines, like keeping just this morning going for a run. It’s never it’s never easy going for a run. But afterwards I’m like, Oh my God, my body just did that. You know, this is incredible. And I’m surrounded by phenomenal women in the boutique, you know, and I just think it’s so. Every every person is different, every person holds themselves differently, but we if we start celebrating who we are as women then and stop stop thinking about the things that we would change or feel sad about that or I wish I could do that or know why. Look at what we can do. That’s what we’ve got to change. That’s the way that help my mind set. Instead of what we can’t do or what my body can’t do. Let me show you what I bloody well can do, though. You know, 

Le’Nise I love that so, so much is rather so rather than focus on what you don’t have. Focus on what you have, focus on what you can do. I I love that. That is so empowering. I just want to transition a little bit and talk a little bit more about your business and your transition from theatre manager to now bridal boutique owner. Talk about that. 

Rachel So I always knew I wanted to have my own boutique, but I thought it might be something that I would do in my kind of forties. Not when I was twenty four when this happened and I was like, OK. But you just got to go with it. Otherwise you will never know the, myself, my partner. We moved here to Penarth, which is a lovely seaside town in South Wales, about ten minutes outside of Cardiff. And I’m. We went around to our next door neighbours one evening and had this is when I was drinking quite a bit and had a couple of glasses of wine a bit too much. And I said, You know what? There is a shop in Penarth I walk past every day and if it ever comes up for rent, I’m going for it. I’m going to open my own bridal boutique that champions handmade in Wales. And I’m going to do it anyway. I got back home and my other half was like, Wow, Rach? You’ve never said that to anyone before. And I was like, Oh God, did I say to you? Much like, Oh, well, nothing will ever come of it. It was a gift wrapping service beforehand, and the people of Penarth love to have their gifts wrapped beautifully. Well, I ain’t going to go anywhere. I then went back out on tour with Hairspray, and my next door neighbour sent me a text and said This is about two weeks later, sent me a text and just said, Oh, Rach I hope all’s going well. Just to let you know. I’ve walked past that shop in Penarth and there’s a sign on the door that says it’s up for rent. So knocked on the door. And here’s the landlady’s number. And she would say she’d like to meet you when you’re back in a couple of weeks time, right? 

Oh, OK. This is not what I was expecting because I had other contracts lined up beforehand to take on afterwards after her speech finished and I was like, Right, OK, well, we’re just going to go with the flow here team and just see what happens. And I remember it was the 12th of May 2012. It was London Olympics year, awesome. And I was walking up and I was on the phone to my father and I was like, What do I do? And he’s like, Just trust your instincts. See how you feel. There’s no drama. Like, just go, just just meet your landlord. The landlady. Then see what happens. I walked in. It was at two o’clock and yeah, I left at 2:30 with the keys. 

And then I launched in October of that year and I didn’t have any designs. I had never had any retail experience, business degrees, nothing like that. But I just knew that if I hadn’t given, if I don’t give this a go, then I’ll never know. And I think that was probably a little bit how I feel about my body. I’m like, Well, can I go and run an ultra? I don’t know. Let’s give it a go. Or can I become plant based when I grew up on a farm? I don’t know. Let’s give it a go. You know, it’s that kind of thing. So I that evening, I went back to the show and I just said to a friend of mine, JJ, who’s on the wardrobe department, and I was like, I do. I’ve just got this keys for a place to open up a bridal boutique that champions have made. And I really want to champion handmade in Wales because I don’t because I’ve been a bridesmaid 10 times and I’ve been to my fair share of bridal stores. And I kind of just found that when my girlfriends didn’t know what they wanted, they got pigeonholed into categories of kind of saying This is what a bride should be. Yet on a day to day basis, we dress with to represent who we are. What this is, who I am, or I have tattoos or have a piercings or dye. My hair was in colour because this is me. Whereas then when it came to the world of bridal, it was almost like, We’ve got to conform your bride. Therefore, you must wear this on and you must pay thousands, thousands of pounds for an item of clothing that has been mass-produced abroad. They have no idea where that’s come from and where, and I’m a big believer in voting with your money. And that’s the one thing that we kind of have power on and. 

Yes, so she said, Oh, you need to meet my friend who’s a designer. And I emailed that friend. I look to her website is like, Oh my gosh, that’s amazing. But I sent her an email and I had like a bounce back saying, I’m away travelling. And I was like, Oh, I bet she’s just gone travelling. Like, I’m going to, you know, she’s not coming back for a year anyway, Helen emailed back, and she’s like, I’ve just got back from my travels, so we have a meeting and the rest is history. So when I first launched, I had two designers, I had Helen, and I had Claire Hill, who is an accessory designer. Now we have 10. We have ten designers now and the boutique is going to be 10 years old itself in October of this year. And oh my god, it’s the best thing in the world. I absolutely love it. I love how I get to meet every day, and it’s just such it’s just incredible to see how many people want to just do bridal their own way. Champion handmade vote with their money, but also find an outfit that absolutely empowers them like, damn right, this is me. I cannot wait for the world to see me. I cannot wait to exchange my boat. I was wearing this. No. Oh, it’s a joy. 

Le’Nise Wow, you have such an amazing story. And you? You tell it the way you tell it, it just you make it seem like, you know it, it just feels like everything was in the right place for you. 

Rachel I hear you. I know it’s bonkers, right? Like I. I. You’ve got to create the life you want to live. That’s all I can say. And I think there are a lot of people who are unhappy with things will then take control and change it. I know that it’s really easy for me to say that, but I’ve been I’ve been to those hard times. I’ve been through those challenges. I’ve been through those surgeries. I’ve I, I appreciate it. It’s easier to say than do. But my God, there’s no point in looking back thinking, what if? What if I could do that? What if I did do that? What if I did? This job is making me so unhappy, then leave it something better is out there. Make it happen. 

Le’Nise What would you just say to someone who’s listening to this? And it was like, Yeah, I hear you. You know, something better is out there. You’ve got to create the life that you want to live. But they’re really scared. You know, they’re really, really scared of taking that next step. What would you say to them? 

Rachel I think good things happen when you’re scared. I think being safe is dangerous in that sense and I think. I can only speak from my own experience, but if you never know, you will always think, what if I think that is the danger zone? 

Le’Nise Wow, wow. Amazing, like just the bravery in your story and the bravery of what you’ve done, what you’ve done on so many different levels is quite is quite inspiring. So I know that listeners will they’ll hear your story and they will feel really inspired and they might make changes in their own life, however big or small they might be. If listeners want to get in touch with you, find out more about your business, maybe find out if they’re a bride or an upcoming bride. Find out how they can use your services. How can they get in touch with you? 

Rachel So, firstly, thank you so much for your lovely words. That’s really, really thoughtful. I do not see myself like that at all. Just, you know, I just see myself as a very I have a little simple every day on Instagram. I post like a little what I do each day, and it always starts with movement. And then the breakfasts, like they’re the best meals of the day, right? Like amazing. And I will never miss a breakfast and that is a morning ritual and a routine for me. And then I’ll be, you know, come to the boutique and then I’m, you know, I’m in bed by nine o’clock in the evening, team, like, you know, I’m I’m definitely not rock and roll or anything like that. I just enjoy that pace of life, really, shall I say. But sorry, if people want to get in touch. Oh yeah, always email. That’s lovely. So all the information is on the website, which is Rachel Burgess bridal boutique dot com. I’m on Instagram @rachelburgessbridalboutique so you can find me on there as well. 

Le’Nise Great. Thank you so much for coming on here and sharing your story. I know that the episodes where where you have someone sharing a really personal story of the changes in their menstrual health or are always the one that do really well and I get really great feedback on them. So yeah, thank you so much. 

Rachel Thanks for creating a space that I’ve never really spoken about this. But when I came across your podcast, it felt like a space where I can. I can talk about this and I just want people to know that, you know, women of the age of, you know, between for my first operations to now, we do go through this, but we get we, you know, it’s OK. It doesn’t make it any less of a woman now team. 

Le’Nise Exactly. Thank you so much. 

Rachel Thank you. 

Let’s Talk About Endometriosis!

March is Endometriosis awareness month here in the UK, so let’s talk about this condition that affects 1 in 10 women. 

Something I continue to find shocking is how long it can take to receive a formal endometriosis diagnosis. The average is between 7 – 10 years! 

The only way at the present to receive a formal diagnosis is through an excision surgery, which is the gold standard for a diagnosis. This is a laparoscopic keyhole surgery done by an endometriosis specialist that provides confirmation of endometrial lesions and adhesions. For some, a laparoscopy can be a ‘fresh start’ that allows many adhesions and lesions to be removed. This can then give them the opportunity to address the gut and inflammation issues that can exacerbate many of the symptoms of endometriosis. 

What’s really interesting is that some choose not to have a laparoscopy because they feel that they do not need to have a formal diagnosis to address their endometriosis and its symptoms. They have a clear view on what’s going on for them and have agreed, along with their doctor or consultant, that the issues are likely to be caused by endometriosis, rather than another similar condition such as IBS, adenomyosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, interstitial cystitis or benign ovarian cysts. 

If you’re not sure what endometriosis is, let’s back up a minute and get into that!

In endometriosis, cells similar to those that normally stay in the lining of the womb are also found in different parts of the body, such as the abdomen, bowels, bladder, legs and sometimes even the nose and lungs. These cells form endometrial tissue which become problematic because they inflame and shed every menstrual cycle along with the lining of the uterus. When it is outside of the uterus, this tissue has nowhere to go, which can result in pain, additional inflammation and eventually scarring.

Some of the symptoms of endometriosis include painful periods, abdominal bloating (endo belly), painful urination and / or bowel movements, brain fog, diarrhoea, heavy periods, pelvic pain, painful sex, constipation, diarrhoea and depression. 

Some of you may have heard from your GPs that “you should get pregnant because that will cure endometriosis”. Aside from the pure absurdity of using pregnancy as a treatment for a serious medical condition, the reality is that pregnancy can only provide a temporary relief from pain and other endometriosis symptoms until periods return post-partum. 

Others may have been told that a hysterectomy, a full or partial removal of the uterus, ovaries and Fallopian tubes, will cure endometriosis. Unfortunately, this is not true because as I described above, the cells similar to those that grow in the uterus can also grow in different parts of the body. 

In my next post, I’ll talk through different ways nutrition, supplements and lifestyle can support and reduce the symptoms of endometriosis. 

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash


Le’Nise Brothers is a yoga teacher and registered nutritionist, mBANT, mCNHC, specialising in women’s health, hormones and the menstrual cycle. She is also the host of the Period Story Podcast, which aims to break taboos around menstrual health and hormones. 

Le’Nise has helped hundreds of women improve their menstrual and hormone health through her private practice and group programmes, talks and workshops for the likes of Stylist, Channel 4, Boden, Ebay and TikTok and her Instagram page. Le’Nise works primarily with women who feel like they’re being ruled by their sugar cravings, mood swings and hormonal acne & bloating. They want to get to grips with heavy, missing, irregular & painful periods, fibroids, PMS, PCOS, endometriosis, post-natal depletion and perimenopause. 

Her first book You Can Have A Better Period was released in March 2022. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 52: Julie McClure, We Need To Open Up A Dialogue About Hormone Health

On today’s episode of Period Story, I’m so pleased to share my conversation with Julie McClure, a clean and clear living expert and the founder and CEO of Hello Me, a wellness & beauty brand empowering women to take back control of their hormones and return to being the best version of themselves.

Julie and I had a great conversation about what inspired her to start her company, her healing journey through breast cancer and medical menopause and of course, the story of her very first period!

Thank you, Julie!

P.S. Julie has kindly offered listeners 20% of Hello Me products with the code PERIODSTORY20! 

Get in touch with Julie:

Website

Instagram

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise So tell me the story of your very first period. 

Julie So my very first period, I mean, it’s I don’t remember the exact age, but I do remember I was later than the rest of my friends because it was one of those where everybody sort of had their period and you’re waiting to get yours. It was almost as milestone you’re waiting for. So I was about 13 or 14. I was a little bit later. And yeah, I mean, for me, it was something that was really quiet. Like, I feel like you’re waiting for it because you hear a little buzzes from your friends. But it wasn’t back when I got my first period, it wasn’t something that a lot of people were talking about openly. And so for me, it was just like, I just needed to know the basics, like when I get it, what do I do right? And that was kind of it was really a discovery phase because I didn’t feel like I was like prepped with a whole lot of information. 

Le’Nise So you got it, and you said it was quiet. Tell us a little bit more about what that means. 

Julie Well, it was something I told my. I only told my mom and my sister, but I didn’t openly talk about it was something I was still shy about. And in one way, you want it. Another way when you get it, you’re like, Oh gosh, like, what do I do now? And you know what? What should I use for products, et cetera? So that’s how it was quiet I wasn’t talking to my friends, who’s maybe my best friend, but that would be it. 

Le’Nise Right, and so were your other friends openly having this conversation and you just chose not to participate in it? 

Julie No, it wasn’t really open. It was like little whispers of conversation. That’s how I remember it. Like you’d be with your best friend and maybe one other girlfriend, and somebody would talk about the fact they got their period. And then you might be sort of overhearing another crowd at some other point. But it wasn’t really like this open dialogue about groups of friends we’re having or we are learning about periods whether it be the media or classes, et cetera. So that’s why it was fairly quiet. It was almost whispers whispering sessions. 

Le’Nise And then as you got your period and this idea of this feeling of quiet, do you think you held on to that as you started learning more about your period? 

Julie Yes, absolutely. I think you know for most of my life, these haven’t really been topics of conversation. I’m forty seven, so it’s been a few years. But yeah, it hasn’t been something that’s really been an open dialogue and I’m finding now with my my nieces who are now in that age, they’re teenagers. It is a little bit more talked about and I’ve had these discussions with them like actually trying to understand because I have this brand all about hormones to understand what is the discussion? Are people talking about it? It is improved, but it’s still not there, which is surprising. 

Le’Nise So what do you think has brought the, not the massive openness, but a little bit more openness that you’re seeing in your in your nieces? 

Julie I think social media has played a big part of that. I mean, you’re seeing on TikTok people, people have been openly out on Tik Tok talking about their period, checking their menstrutal health. Now just look at like a brand like August, right, that they’re really trying to destigmatize discussions around new periods. There’s been ads that have been much more bold over the years, so I think we didn’t have social media when I was, you know, computers are just sort of coming out when I was in my teen years. So it wasn’t something that we had access to these outside information. So if your family and your friends weren’t openly having the dialogue, which would have been ahead of the game if that were the case, you weren’t learning from those mediums. 

Le’Nise And do you think that as you’ve gotten older, have you become more open in terms of the conversations that you’re having with your friends? 

Julie Absolutely, yeah. And I think even more so because you know Hello Me is about destigmatizing what it means to be hormonal. I’m on that mission to really open up this dialogue and make this connection between hormones, wellness and beauty and creating products to do that. So obviously, I am actively talking about this. And then I also find a lot of my friends because, you know, they’re into wellness, they’re into health. And so we’ve, you know, we all realise how much an important part hormones play in our lives and the quality of life. And so the dialogue does open up as we go through these transitions of life, which know a lot of my friends are going through perimenopause right? Or they’ve had just had children and they’re going through postpartum. And so the conversations are much more open now, and maybe my circles are a little bit different because of the work I’m doing every single day. So it’s hard for me to know. I do know it hasn’t hit the masses, absolutely, because we’re still continuing to educate our customers and we get a lot of silent DMs and people asking or calling our hormone hotline and having these conversations with our hormone coaches. So it means it hasn’t gone completely mainstream in terms of everybody feeling comfortable. But I do think we’re making a shift and is going in the right direction. Absolutely. 

Le’Nise So just thinking back to when you were younger, so when you’re in your early teens and you got your period, you said you went on the journey of discovery to figure out exactly what was going on with you, the products that you needed to use. Talk a little bit more about that. 

Julie The one story actually comes to mind. It’s funny because I remember most vividly when the first time I had my period and I wanted to go swimming right, we had us a pool in the backyard. I grew up in the Maritimes, in New Brunswick, in Canada, I’m Canadian. And I just that’s the moment I remember the most is like, Oh gosh, I want to go swimming with all my friends. And I was mortified because I wasn’t sure what to do. I’d never used a tampon and I wanted to go swimming so that it’s really one of those moments where it’s like, Okay, I have to figure out how to use a tampon. And I was it wasn’t taught, so I literally remember trying to figure out how to use a tampon. It was extremely uncomfortable because there is no YouTube videos at the time. This or nobody else is documenting it. I don’t know if they do now. I haven’t searched, but you probably can find it somewhere. So I remember that is my most vivid moment in trying to figure that, and that was clearly a situation of trial and error self-discovery. OK. Tampons must work. I need to figure out how they work. They can’t be this uncomfortable. They can’t cause pain. So obviously I’m doing something wrong and figuring it out, right? So that’s my most vivid memory around my period when I was in my teens because it was something you don’t feel embarrassed if something leaked or they show, like if you had any blood and you also didn’t want everybody knowing that you were on your period like that was kind of a whole like stigma around it. The taboo topic. So you’re doing this quietly, just trying to figure out in your bedroom like, Okay, I’m going to go swimming later today, I need to figure out the tampon thing. 

Le’Nise And so did you figure it out? 

Julie Obviously, over time, for sure. But that first day was I don’t think I did that correctly the first day because it was painful. I remember it being painful. And so I could have used a little bit more open dialogue and conversations to have somebody that I could have been like, Hey, now I was done so that I insert this properly and I had I known, I think, not to leave my mom and educated and not leaving tampons in too long, etc., things like that. So that was never something that I didn’t know, but it’s just the mechanics of it. And then the other piece I didn’t know we didn’t have organic brands back then, and that’s something I discovered much later in life because they had just started to emerge. But wow, what a difference that makes, and I think that’s kind of the biggest thing I wish I had known and had available to me when I was younger. In addition to a little bit of information on how to navigate things. 

Le’Nise So talk a little bit more about the difference that organic menstrual products are meant for you. 

Julie Well, organic menstrual products, I mean, your audience may or may not be aware of this, but I mean just the chemicals that they use in non-organic tampons. So when you’re thinking about, I think, particularly when you think of the need for organic, especially in tampons, I mean, all menstrual products and super important, but tampons in particular because you’re inserting them into your body for several hours and they’re going to get into the bloodstream. So when they’ve got, you know, they had chlorine back then, I think they’ve improved things. But there’s still chemical by-products from glyphosate, which is sprayed on the fields or dioxins and just very various chemicals that can be in these non-organic tampons. And I remember when all the years I used them, my body would try and like, like it would sweat during the time of my cycle, and it was clearly trying to get rid of the chemicals. Because when you have two ways to get rid of it, you have a few ways to get rid of things. But sweating is one way to eliminate toxins, right? And so when I switched to organic tampon products because once they were available, that’s all I ever used. I was like, I noticed that never happened again. And so because that was another level of uncomfortableness, right, because you’re like almost bringing changes of clothes in case you’re like sweaty or you’re having gym class and things like that, and you just don’t feel as you just don’t feel as clean, like, frankly, because it’s just like if you went and had to work out and sweated and you wouldn’t feel great going to class afterwards without a shower. So that was a big game changer for me, and I’ve been starting to educate my nieces about that, just trying to have these open conversations, but also saying, Are you using organic products? Because it’s really important and it’s amazing how many people don’t actually know, like the masses don’t still know how important that is. And, you know, hopefully things are starting to shift and hopefully prices come down. So there’s not this big disparity in terms of who can access organic versus non-organic. But it’s it’s really important for, I think, our reproductive organs and overall health from the inside out. 

Le’Nise Yeah, I’m sure I can agree with you more the way the vagina is one of the most absorbent parts of the body. So as you say, anything we put up there, if it’s, you know, if there’s chemicals sprayed over, it is going to have an effect on our oestrogen and progesterone balance. I want to just go back to what you said about your, you know, the difference that organic tampons made for you. Were you experiencing painful or heavy periods? 

Julie No. Well, I did have some PMS, and that’s something else I didn’t know, but now I’m very well versed. In fact, 75 percent of women have PMS and it’s preventable. Right? Kind of talk I’ll go back to your question, really, your menstrual cycles, really. A lot of people refer to it as your fifth vital sign telling you so much about your body. And we can have a discussion on that. But um. Yeah. 

So did I see improvement? No, it wasn’t a change in my period itself in terms of the flow. And I also just I think they came out when I was in my thirties. So my cycle was always very regular 28 days and it was always four to five days. Not heavy. I never had heavy cycles. But what I would say is that one side effect I told you about, like the sweating that stopped immediately. And that was the biggest aha moment with the organic products because and I’ve since I’ve been immersed in this whole wellness space, which I study about, you know, clean products and the effect of chemicals. And I have chemical sensitivities, so I’m very aware of things affecting my body. And so I’m not surprised that that was the first thing that changed for me. But in terms of the duration or how much bleeding I had that didn’t get affected, I think what affected PMS and things like that was more my lifestyle over time. So if I was going through a really stressful time or not sleeping a lot or my diet had fallen off and I was having a lot more sugars or inflammatory type foods, that’s when I would get very severe migraines three days before my cycle, like clockwork. And I would also, I had some cramping, but it was really the migraines that was the debilitating piece. And then when my when I cut out sugar and adding in very like kind of greens and whole foods and not a lot of processed food or grains, et cetera, prior to my cycle, then like a week or two before or for that month, I would have a completely different experience. The PMS was almost nonexistent. 

Le’Nise What you’re saying is so interesting, because there is this narrative that I see where people talk about my PMS and they take ownership of it and it’s kind of something that they expect to happen. And as you say, it doesn’t have to happen. And what’s really interesting is that you were able to identify that you had you were experiencing these migraines and that you were able to make really in the grand scheme of things where that easy, simple changes that were able to change your experience of that time right before your period, which actually doesn’t have to be that bad. We can get a lot of wisdom out of that time of before our period. So tell me a little bit more about how long that took for you. So you had the migraines and then you made these changes. How long did those migraines take to resolve? 

Julie Well, literally if I had a month of very clean month, so I’m drinking green juice, I’m moving my body, I’m actually sleeping. I’m not under tremendous stress, are pulling all nighters at school or something like that, or working investment banking, pulling all nighters. If I was doing those things, then that next month, literally my cycle would be different. I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have these crazy three day hormonal migraines. Now I’ve also since learnt like I was like, nutrient deficiencies can be play a big role in hormonal migraines and PMS in general, right? So when you’re under a lot of stress, which I have had these careers where I was working on Wall Street, I was working a lot of hours and not sleeping a lot, so my body was deficient in magnesium. When you’re stressed, your magnesium just like plummets, right? You’d get depleted and things like your vitamin C, which helps balance out your progesterone, which is involved and it fluctuates around your luteal phase and can cause these fluctuations can cause pain. So things like my B vitamins, my magnesium were definitely depleted. And when I started getting more into the science behind all of like overall wellness and health, and with my migraines, treating them proactively with things like magnesium and B vitamins, et cetera, I wasn’t getting as severe hormonal migraines. 

The other interesting trick that I learnt over time or I had to have in not a trick but a service that really helped me with these hormonal migraines. This is before, like we had the science has caught up, and we created product like top up signs to help women, not happiness. But prior to that, when I would go and get colonic, I would just get colon hydrotherapy. I would get that a week before my cycle and I would have zero also have zero migraine. So what that was doing, it was helping my body because I’m not the best detox, like I’m on the best detox genes or detoxification genes, so hence the chemical sensitivities. But what the hydrocolon therapy did is it pulled out like some of these extra hormones helped my body kind of get rid of things that otherwise we’re ingesting and creating inflammation in my body so that my PMS was also much worse, which meant severe migraines three days before my cycle. 

Le’Nise So for listeners who aren’t aware, one of the ways that our body gets rid of hormones it’s already used is through a bowel movement. So if you’re not having a bowel movement every day, at least every day, then your body can reabsorb those chemicals. So the oestrogen, oestrogen, for example, that is already broken down and that can lead to increased premenstrual symptoms. So for you? You mentioned the colonics. Were you were you constipated or was this just giving you a bit of a helping hand? 

Julie My I would say because I’m coeliac, so I’ve had my digestive tract has been off and on throughout the years and this is pre diagnosis of coeliac. So I would have made my bowels weren’t moving as efficiently as they should, and I also didn’t have as much knowledge as I do 15 years later in terms of how to have a healthy gut biome. It wasn’t  really talked to go back then? So yes, absolutely with those variabilities. And then you can also experience that as you go through and have your menstrual cycle too. So they kind of compound each other. Then if you’re depleted and things like magnesium to it, just it’s not going to help it right? And so the colon hydrotherapy and I would say it’s really important to go to somebody who’s registered and certified and you’ve done your research, not just anybody, in the closed systems, I think are kind of the best for people if they’re looking to do that. But those really did help pull out anything that I wasn’t getting out naturally. And I think and then a little bit extra, right? Because if my digestion was backed, digestive system was backed up. It was just like making sure things are staying and stagnating into my body. 

Le’Nise Hmm. It’s so interesting about colonics because I had one. I’ve only had one. Just I had. I actually, I think maybe about 15 years ago there was this place in Notting Hill and I used to live in Notting Hill in London, and I used to walk past it all the time. And I was always really curious because that time colonics were kind of seen as this kooky sort of thing, whereas now it’s, you know, wellness and health is become more mainstream. So you tell someone your, well, I think you maybe get a mixed reaction depending on the person. 

Julie I still get a mixed reaction. 

Le’Nise Yeah, but I had this. I had this colonic and I remember back then I was a vegetarian and my diet was really bad. I was constipated constantly. So that was one of the reasons why I wanted to go. And I just remember this lightness that I felt afterwards and I thought, Oh, I must, I must do that again. I mean, fortunately, I don’t feel like I need to anymore because I’m very regular. I have no issues in that department, but it is. I just remember thinking how marvellous that feeling was of just feeling so light. 

Julie Yes, and it’s interesting. And obviously, a lot of people show digestive issues through like bloating or, you know, things like that. Or always having gas and you can get a lot of bloating around your cycle, too, which which of these things help with. So you don’t have to go through a service like that. I’m just kind of that’s one of my sort of like hacks that I discovered over the years with when I didn’t have Top up tonic available to me to balance out my hormones. So it’s just interesting what works for different people. But I think universally that’s if you’re open to it, that can be very helpful, particularly if you’re really severe symptoms around your cycle. 

Le’Nise  Tell us about your experience with your, your period and your menstrual cycle. Now you mentioned you’re forty seven. So are you perimenopause? 

Julie Well, OK, so there’s a little bit more to this, I stopped getting my cycle, I guess, two years ago because I had breast cancer two and a half years ago, so I guess a year and a half ago. And then because of the breast cancer, I have a BRCA2 gene, which means I have a much higher risk of hormone cancers. And so because of the breast cancer, I went through preventative surgery to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes, which means I was no longer I was thrown into menopause overnight. So I was forty five. And basically, I’ve never had a cycle since because I don’t have the organs to produce a cycle, right? So so as I was getting into my 40s, I can say that shortened to about two days. It was very light in two days, so it was definitely switching sides. I’m sure I was entering perimenopause. I didn’t have night sweats and things like that, which are very common as you start to go into perimenopause. But I did notice a shift in my menstrual cycle and that it was it had always been quite like only one heavy day and then quite light, and it was never more than five days. But then it shifted literally to being two max three days and really only only one day of sort of normal flow and then very light. But it was it was still very much like every 28 days. I might be off one day if I had like a really stressful month or something, but it was like clockwork up until the point that I had the surgery. 

Le’Nise Can you talk a little bit about the impact that going through the medical menopause had on you? 

Julie Well, let’s just say it’s a journey, and that’s my mission now, with Hello Me, as I’m creating products to not make it a difficult journey for women so that they can just literally, you know, avoid all the side effects that I had to go through. So, yeah, menopause, obviously. So for people who haven’t been through it, I mean, your oestrogen, you know, your hormones are declining slowly. Typically, it happens, starts a little bit in your forties. It can go up to, you know, people can be full on menopause and they’re 50 ,55, whatever and it can so people can have symptoms for anywhere from three to 10 years. For me, I went from having, you know, a normal level of estrogen, progesterone, et cetera, and dropped overnight. So I had seven months of very severe symptoms, and I spent my time figuring out how to kind of hack that so that I could be hormonally balanced again. Because really, what the doctors were offering me was nerve blockers and antidepressants to deal with night sweats and anxiety and insomnia, etc. instead of anything else that was more natural. So I wasn’t interested in going on a nerve blocker for the next 20 years. And so that’s why I was kind of determined to hack it through more natural sources. And that’s where Hello Me is also moving to launch products for women in the spring. So it’s a life change, I would say. In Chinese medicine, they talk about as a second spring, and I love that because it’s not something to be feared. You know, you’re in your own skin, your company, you have all this wisdom and you really come into full bloom. And yes, you do have to tweak your body. You can tweak a few things because your hormones have fluctuated, just like post-pregnancy you have tweaks. When you’re in your reproductive years, you have tweaks, and so you have to do that again. But it doesn’t mean that you’re past your prime. It doesn’t mean that you have to live with these symptoms forever. And the science now is really advanced. And there’s so much, you know, so many of us focussed on innovation, the space that I’m excited for, where it’s headed in terms of a category because there’s so much that we can do to make women’s lives better. So, yeah, so my experience was not pleasant because there just weren’t any natural solutions for me. But I’m back in a place where I feel I’m back to normal. I don’t have the same symptoms, so I’ve resolved it. And really what it’s done is just been a catalyst again for Hello Me and a whole other category of products. 

Le’Nise So someone’s listening and they’ve gone through that experience of medical menopause, which is very different from the natural menopause, where it can happen more gradually. Medical menopause, it’s hitting you like straight away. What were the kind of natural solutions that you would recommend to someone going through that experience? 

Julie So one thing that’s really important, and I don’t know that it’s common knowledge, is that your adrenal function, so you know, the organs are a little bit above your kidneys that help support you and give you energy prior to adrenal fatigue or if people have heard of that. It’s really important that your adrenals are healthy and nourishing your adrenals. So. And that’s done from lifestyle factors as well as nutrients. So like, you need to be taking your B vitamins because you’re going to have lower energy. If you’re don’t have all your hormones supporting you, you do need to take things that can support the adrenals. In others, things like ginseng, there’s adaptogens you can take. 

But I’d say I did for me, I did the Dutch test, which is a hormone test, and it really showed me sort of where my cortisol was. And it’s not really that surprised that my cortisol was quite low because I was in the middle of launching a business and I had breast cancer. I had a few things that had gone on. And so those weren’t supporting my body because they typically step in to help when your other hormones are coming down. So I would say the Dutch test if there’s the option to take it to just really understand where your hormones are and then to kind of work with that and understand, like how do I support the adrenals? Usually if you’ve gone into surgery, like in menopause overnight, you want to be working with the health care practitioner to like, help guide you, at least from the beginning. So I was working with specialists who are naturopathic medical doctors or specialists, and we were working on really getting my adrenals back and nutrient IVs, which gives you sort of like high dose nutrients so that it’s a quicker recovery period for your adrenals. And because that was exacerbating my symptoms. And once I had my adrenals in a much healthier state, I slept better. I didn’t have the same low grade anxiety every day. So a lot of things shifted. I wasn’t getting night sweats and waking up in the middle of the night with a racing heart. So I would say that was sort of the biggest takeaway for me. I saw that massive shift. One I spent 8 weeks supporting my adrenals. And it’s also sleep, an exercise like yoga and things that are nourishing and doing things that literally like reduce your stress level so nourishing for you. It’s not just supplements and diet, it’s also, you know, doing things that are going to bring your stress levels down and release those sort of endorphins naturally. 

Le’Nise I think the message you’re sharing sharing is a really positive one because certainly in the UK, the message that we get is that once you’re in your when you’re in perimenopause and then in menopause, it’s all about HRT or hormone replacement therapy. And that’s a kind of drumbeat that’s in the press over here. And you know, as a nutritionist, I know that there are other solutions out there, but the doctors over here are really kind of adamant about women going on HRT. And so I’m really kind of enthused to hear your story because there are alternatives out there. And so for women who are listening, you know to what Julie’s talking about around adrenal support is so powerful because you do make sure you’re making a weaker form of oestrogen in your adrenal hormones don’t all stop and you support your adrenals. You can access this really important form of oestrogen that takes us through to post-menopause. So fantastic. I love the message you’re sharing.

Julie And would say everyone’s individual too, right? So for me, I had like I zero. I like there. They’re so low. My doctor said, I can’t believe you’re feeling worse, not feeling worse than you are. And I said, Well, I didn’t know it could feel worse, to be honest. And and I would also say, like for me, now, I do this DUTCH test just because of the cancer risk and everything else, and I do that test every six months for me. And it’s important because they are monitoring how I’m breaking down. So I have a very, very low dose bioidentical hormones, right? It’s like the lowest you can just so that it made a difference for me and made a difference. So that plus the adrenal support was the game changer. Not everybody is comfortable doing bio identicals, and I’m on as low dose as it can possibly be just because of the cancer risk. But for me, I found it at my age and where I am, I wanted to have a little bit. And so I do this Dutch test every six months to make sure that like, I’m still where the risk is, is when you start to, you know, you take bio identicals and you realise your body’s not breaking down. The by-products are being processed properly and then that can increase your risk. And so some people say don’t ever take anything, you know, even the bio identical hormones. But for me, I’m monitoring it and I take like such a low dose that that plus adrenal support, it gets me to where I need to be, plus my daily nutrients that I take my supplements. 

Le’Nise And so let’s talk a little bit about your, your company and also you, you as a clean and clear living expert. What does that mean? 

Julie So clean and clear living is really about getting to your best version of yourself by first. You know, clean living is many pillars, so it’s hormone balance. But it’s also environmental, right? Like making sure you’re living in an environment that’s clean, not full of toxins that you don’t have a toxic burden that is unmanageable. It’s movement. It’s it’s doing something that’s purposeful in your life. So when I combine these things like my passions is about helping people live their best lives, that means having great health. Because when you’re in great health, we can do so much more and I’ve experienced the other end of things. I also believe that once you’ve got service, clean internal blueprint, which makes you feel great, you have more confidence and you have more clarity in terms of like, you’re your path. You have the confidence to pursue your path and things that are important to you. So you feel like you’re living a fulfilling life. And for me, I feel like when people are following their own authentic journeys is a whole other level of healing that goes on too. And I’m a spiritual person from the sense that I believe like when you’re on, you feel like you’re living a purposeful life and you’re authentic and you’re really being true to yourself. It’s kind of back to those molecules of emotion. You’re not storing all the stress in the body. The body has more levels of inflammation, so you not only make your biggest impact in the world and you give the gift to the world by being authentic self, but you also feel your best. And you look your best because you’re more when you’re happy, right? Or you’re more joyful. So clean and clear living is about those pillars that allow you to have that super clean, balanced imprint on the inside, which provides the confidence and radiance and clarity to do what you’re meant to do and follow your profession, be your authentic self. 

Le’Nise And then in terms of the company that you build. You mentioned that you went through this really tumultuous time in your in your mid-40s or early to mid 40s where you had breast cancer and you were launching a company. Tell us a little bit about the inspiration behind the company. You’ve alluded to it a little throughout our conversation and why you chose to launch it during this time in your life. 

Julie Yes. So Hello Me was born prior to getting breast cancer. So in terms of the idea and the vision, it’s quite interesting that I basically went through all the life phases in a very compressed period to, I guess, accelerate what I can do for women with Hello Me. But that’s the only way to put it into a positive light. But Hello Me. Originally, I was suffering from migraines, all in my twenties and thirties, from a hormonal imbalance. I was on birth control. The science wasn’t caught up. I finally went to a holistic practitioner. They said, Look, these symptoms are low grade anxiety that later develops from the nutrient depletions, as well as the migraines, from being on birth control. Right? Depletes your key nutrients that most women don’t realise, right? Probiotics, antioxidants, et cetera. And so I went off it, and then I dove into the whole wellness world like I was always interested in wellness, et cetera. But I really dove in to heal myself. And so after I spent a year healing myself through studying nutrition, anti-inflammatory diets, really replenishing everything, I’d been putting it through for a decade. You know, I realised what a change in quality like you can have. And fast forward several years I started to look at like, how could I create a company that truly impacts the lives of the masses for women? And nobody was making the connection between hormonal balance and wellness and beauty and the dialogue, really, you know, we talk about with periods like, no one’s really starting to talk about it and shows like yours are a gift to everybody because you’re really sort of opening up this for people. But nobody is making that connection and talking about it. And so it really was a combination my personal experience of having alleviated that hormone imbalance, which completely changed my quality of life. When you’re having six migraines a week to like maybe two a month, and that was those were the hormonal and around the hormone hormonal period time. And so I just felt like this is a way that I can create products that truly address from a root cause level and provide natural, effective solutions. Having been created for women for decades, and so all these women who are suffering in silence or just in the survival mode like I was, can now take our products and actually get back to looking and feeling their best and feeling like their most truest, authentic forms of themselves. So I like to say, you know, we get you firing on all cylinders because we make those tweaks. You do it at the root cause, and it’s amazing what happens to how you feel and your skin and the bloating and everything else. So Hello Me about looking in the mirror, being proud of who you are. You’re back to the best version of yourself and you’re ready to conquer the world and do what you’re meant to do. 

Le’Nise I love that. And tell us more about the products within that you offer. 

Julie So at the moment, we have three products that women can purchase, and we’re launching a fourth one in the spring, which I’m excited about. So we’ve got Top up tonic, which is a once a day capsule, it’s vegan, and it’s got 18 nutrients, probiotics and antioxidants that your body needs for hormonal balance. So what we find is women who are on birth control. Women are suffering from PMS, PMDD or you’ve got hormonal acne that’s happening or just really fatigued a lot. This product is a godsend for women like me in terms of you look, take it for six weeks, up to eight weeks and your body has bio-accumulated these nutrients you’ve been needing and you start to really feel and see a transformation. And so that’s for women, really. I’d say 16, you could take about 18 to thirty five is really the sweet spot for that product. I also had a lot of women in their 40s, 50s, 60s later in life because it supports adrenals, they take it for energy. And so tonic really is going at once a day solution that balances out your hormones through all the key nutrients you need and adjust your gut biome that has probiotics in it. That really helps reduce things like bloating, right? And see how this impacts immunity, too. So Top up tonic is one. 

And then we also have a product called Hydrophoria. So Hydrophoria is my favourite daily product because it’s a ritual for me. It’s a sachet. It’s collagen, probiotics one. So we have 10 billion colony forming probiotics seven strains. So it’s multi strain five grams of therapeutic clean, bovine collagen. So we get different types of collagen. And then it’s got ingredients like snow mushroom, which is a natural form of hydrolonic acid. So this product is all about gut healh, which is a core pillar of hormonal balance and then nice benefit is skin as well. So women who take this product, we take it in the morning. It tastes like berry flavoured water. It’s super clean and it’s just hydrating from the inside out and it balances out the gut. So you get rid of bloating, you get rid of digestive issues, and it balances the hormones and hormones that way. 

And then the last product is Inner Charge, which is all your oil based therapeutic nutrients and antioxidants that need to be in an oil base that help you with hormone balance and mood. So your omega-3 is it’s got GLA from borage oil,  potent antioxidants like Astaxanthin, Zeaxanthin, Lutein. So you take those capsules with the AM and PM sachets, and those really help reduce inflammation, which helps balance the hormones and then add all the healthy oils helps with mood. 

Le’Nise Fantastic. So we’ve got three really interesting products. If listeners want to find out more and purchase these products, where can they do that? 

Julie [Just go to the website, www.hello.me, and you can see the products there and we have a hormone coach hormone hotline. So if you’re curious and you have questions about your own health or you know what’s best for whatever you’re dealing with, you can text us or email us on the website. And I’d also say happy to give all your listeners 20 percent off with their PERIODSTORY20 for the next month, if they want to purchase some products they’ll get 20 percent off their order.

Le’Nise Fantastic. So you said a lot of really interesting and valuable things across the course of our conversation. What’s the one thing that you want listeners to take away today? 

Julie The important thing, hormonal balance and how you feel every day, and if you’re suffering from mood swings, depression, anxiety, irritability, constant bloating, hormonal acne or lots of fatigue. This is very likely a symptom of hormonal imbalance, right? And we can help you. It’s really usually a nutrient depletion that your body needs. You just need some tweaking and you can get back. So I don’t want people to feel discouraged and women who are going through PMS. Those women don’t need to suffer anymore. You know, take a product like Top up tonic for two months. You’re going to have a massive shift. And so, you know, just to really bring that to the forefront in terms of thinking, like, are these symptoms a symptom of hormone imbalance? And if so, yes, we can help you. 

Le’Nise Fantastic. Thank you so much for your time today, Julie. It was really fascinating to talk to you and hear more about your story. 

Julie Well, thanks for having me. I love meeting you and having this conversation. So have a wonderful day. 

Let’s Talk About Irregular Periods!

Let’s talk about irregular periods and menstrual cycles.  

We ideally want our menstrual cycles to come every 21 – 35 days.  

If yours isn’t always 28 days and the number of days in your menstrual month (your menstrual month = the day your period starts all the way through to the day before your next period starts) varies each time, that’s totally normal. 

A variation of up to 5-6 days each menstrual cycle is fine, so if one menstrual cycle is 25 days, the next is 28, then the next is 26, there’s nothing wrong with you.  

Remember: your menstrual cycle (and period) is a vital sign from your body that gives you information about what’s going on with your health. Variations in cycle length could mean more stress, illness, changes in medication, the effects of jet lag or life changes such as starting a new job, a breakup or a bereavement.  But what if your menstrual cycle is much longer than 35 days or shorter than 21 days?

Here are a few suggestions: 

1. Track your menstrual cycle for 4 – 6 months to understand what the variations in cycle length look like for you.  

2. Look at what other symptoms you’re experiencing. What’s your body temperature like? Do you crave sugar? Do you have dark, coarse body hair on your face, chest and abdomen? Are you in your mid-40s? 

3. Are your menstrual cycles really long or have your periods completely stopped (and you’re not post-menopausal, pregnant, breastfeeding or undergoing treatment that has triggered medical menopause)? Are you taking hormonal contraception?  

4. Look at what’s going on in the rest of your life. Are you under a significant amount of stress? Have you rapidly lost or gained a significant amount of weight? Are you exercising excessively? Are you dealing with significant current or past unresolved trauma?  

All of this information will help you understand what’s behind the irregular menstrual cycles you’re experiencing. It might be PCOS (and one of the 4 types), it might be a thyroid issue, it might be hypothalamic amenorrhea, it might be perimenopause or it could be another issue. 

Is your period irregular? Tell me more in the comments.

Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash


Le’Nise Brothers is a yoga teacher and registered nutritionist, mBANT, mCNHC, specialising in women’s health, hormones and the menstrual cycle. She is also the host of the Period Story Podcast, which aims to break taboos around menstrual health and hormones. 

Le’Nise has helped hundreds of women improve their menstrual and hormone health through her private practice and group programmes, talks and workshops for the likes of Stylist, Channel 4, Boden, Ebay and TikTok and her Instagram page. Le’Nise works primarily with women who feel like they’re being ruled by their sugar cravings, mood swings and hormonal acne & bloating. They want to get to grips with heavy, missing, irregular & painful periods, fibroids, PMS, PCOS, endometriosis, post-natal depletion and perimenopause. 

Her first book You Can Have A Better Period was released in March 2022. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 51: MaryEllen Reider, The Ultimate Form of Self-Care Is To Take Care of Your Health

On today’s episode of Period Story, I had a very interesting and eye-opening conversation with MaryEllen Reider, the co-director of Yarlap, a wellness device to treat urinary incontinence and improve pelvic floor health.

We talked about the prevalence of urinary incontinence (did you know this affects 1 in 4 women!?!), the need for better pelvic health education and of course, MaryEllen’s first period story. Listen to hear how MaryEllen’s dad helped her understand what was happening and how he bought her first menstrual products. 

Thank you, MaryEllen! 

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise On today’s episode of Period Story, we have MaryEllen Reider. She is a co-founder and director of marketing for a company called the Yarlap, and she’s doing really amazing work educating about the importance of the pelvic floor. I want to just get into our conversation by starting off with the first question that I ask all of my guests: Tell me the story of your first period. 

MaryEllen So my first period was a little bit, I guess everybody’s different, but I didn’t get mine until I was 16, so I was kind of later than the rest of my friends. The rest of my friends were in middle school or whatever, and I was nearing the end of high school and I got my period. But we never talk about it, ever. I don’t remember talking to my friends about, especially in middle school and high school. Nobody talked about your period because it was thought of as kind of disgusting, gross, dirty. 

And when I got my first period, I remember thinking I can use panty liners like an adult. And turns out that panty liners don’t help on your first few days of your period. And I thought then I thought, Oh my gosh, I’m bleeding, something’s wrong with me because I’m bleeding through all of these things. So I went to my dad, actually. He was also the other co-founder of Yarlap because he always talked to us about our body parts and that body parts are just body parts. There’s no shame if something’s wrong, tell me. And we figure it out. Go to your doctor. We figure this out. So I went to him and I said, Something’s wrong. I’m bleeding. It’s not stopping, help. And well that freaked my dad out because that’s not what you want to hear. And then I slowly told him it was my period. I’m bleeding through panty liners. I don’t know what to do. I mean, he goes, OK, well, we’ll just go to your doctor anyway, just so you have appropriate information. And then he proceeded, while I was at my my doctor getting this full rundown of what I probably should have gotten in my health class. To be honest, I was getting the full down run from her doctor, Dr. Burke. I remember her. I remember it because it was so I remember thinking, Oh my gosh, I’m never going to get over this, this mortifying. And she’s telling me all about what was happening with my cycle and everything and while I was doing that my dad went to the grocery store and bought one box, every tampon and every pad and put it into the box and came. And he was like, You’re going to find out what is comfortable for you and what fits for you and whatever you don’t need, we’ll figure out what to do with the rest. And that was that was my first period story, and I remember it because. I think he had like six bags, six grocery bags of of absorbent pads, tampons. This was way before the Diva Cup or anything like that, just literally just pads and tampons. I remember seeing all of them and I remember I play soccer. I played soccer very intensely, so I was like, I’m going to do the one with the girls with sports and the tampon with the sports. And I don’t need pads because no. And I just remember I remember that so intensely, because then I told my my friends afterwards that my dad was the one that helped me with my period. And they all were. They were like traumatized and I don’t know why. I was like, It’s just my dad. But turns out dads are the ones that back in 2003 or whatever. They weren’t the ones telling, telling their daughters about periods. I guess I was. That wasn’t the norm, but it was at our house. 

Le’Nise Well, this is actually the first time I’ve heard a story where the dad was so involved, and I think it’s beautiful and it really should normalize this idea that your, both set of parents in a heterosexual relationship should be able to talk to their daughters about menstruation. So why do you think why was your dad so comfortable with this? Where did this all come from? 

MaryEllen Yeah. So my dad is a medical device engineer, so he creates these devices to help with muscle tone and muscle rehabilitation. And he has. So he’s what you would think of as like a stereotypical engineer, he’s very practical everything. And so when we were growing up, it was just parts are parts, and it’s all. I hate to say this because it takes the humanity away for people, but by no means means if, but. Our body is essentially just a machine, and to keep it running smoothly, you have to label the parts correctly. And so for us, there was never like a coochie or of a vajayjay or a pee pee, a booty hole or anything like that. It was penis, vagina, vulvovaginal area, anus, rectum. Sometimes you’d call it a butthole. I always thought that that was a hilarious term. And I still do. 

But for us, it was always just talk about your body parts. It’s OK, everybody poops. Everybody farts. Everybody keeps half the population bleeds once a month, theoretically, and that’s just the way it is. That’s OK. There’s no shame in it. There’s shame in being shamed. So I’m very grateful of having that. And I know after doing stuff with the Yarlap, I very. Aware now that that was not that is not the norm, it’s still not the norm, especially for women and especially for women with dads who talk to them openly about their periods like I did. That’s very much not the norm. 

Le’Nise Yeah, I really appreciate that pragmatic approach because I’ve got an eight year old son, and I’ve always been kind of really straightforward about the naming of the body parts and just kind of like, it’s a penis, because over here in the UK, the euphemism is, they call it a willy. Like, that’s the kind of the kids in North America like pee pee. But over here it’s a willy, and I’ve always said, it’s your penis. You may use a proper name and that and that kind of stuff. Although now that he’s gone to school, they his friends, they like joke a lot and they call the body parts different names. But he knows what they’re supposed to be called. And I think that’s really important. Especially, you know, if there’s any trauma happening that children should be able to say the exact name of anything that is happening to them. So what you are saying about your dad is really refreshing. So you then told your friends and they were traumatized because they didn’t get the same sort of education that you got, but just kind of working it back a little bit. You got your period when you were 16. But did you know exactly what a period was because your dad had done that education on the kind of menstrual health side as well? 

MaryEllen No. So that didn’t put my like my menstrual health stuff didn’t really hit until I got my period, and that’s why I was such a big shock. I was like, I had heard the term, and I know like my friends had cotton balls. Turns out those were tampons, and I knew that it made them uncomfortable. They never talked about it. They would sometimes joke when they would exchange tampons or pads in the hallway, and I wanted to be part of that club, but I knew that I didn’t want to be in the pain that they had described, but I didn’t know. Anything about biologically what was going on are really like the basics of what was going on until I got my period. And then it was like a quick run through like a one on one brief five minute thing from my dad. And then we drove off to the doctor’s office and I got a forty five minute description with a 3D anatomical like womb. And then there were charts and all these other things, and I just remember her talking about the female body. But then I remember her also talking about the male body, and I remember thinking, How does this affect the male body? And I, she was giving me a full Health class in forty five minutes. She was like, why didn’t I? She’s like, I’m surprised that more people don’t know about this in health class. I thought, I’m a good student. We don’t. We aren’t taught about this in health class I would have remembered because this is terrible. This is not stuff you forget. And I think that that was definitely the first moment where I remember thinking, Wow, why don’t we ever talk about what is fundamentally going on with our bodies? And I was at age 16, so.

Le’Nise So you got your period, you got this education from your dad and your doctor. And then what was your relationship like with your period after all of this happened? 

MaryEllen I think of her as a, I love her. She annoys me. She’s kind of the best friend that you’ve had since you were born and you have this deep fondness for her. But also at the same time, I have this thought, if we met now, we’re not like you. You know what I mean? And I I I like her. I know when I know everything is running smoothly. When she arrives on time, I know that my diet’s OK. My exercise is okay. I’m hydrated when it aligns within my time frame. But. I know that it’s I get really bad pain and cramps my first two days that are unbearable. I essentially sit on a heating pad. And. That’s basically it. I sometimes worry how that dynamic is going to change when we’re trying to conceive because I’m a little bit on the irregular side. So I’m a little hesitant of how to track her and her welcome party when I’m what I’m doing to start trying to conceive here in the next year or two. Hmm. 

Le’Nise When you got your period, was it painful from the very beginning? 

MaryEllen Absolutely not no. I remember thinking, why does everybody so angry and upset and have these massive craving for chocolate and sweet or salty stuff? Why? Why are people bending over backwards and why is it portrayed as this awful thing on TV? Why does everybody have heating pads and all these other things? And I think up until about four years ago, I was totally fine. And then the past four years, I. That’s when I learned to kind of dislike her. And so it’s kind of at the beginning, it was just like, whatever. No pain, no sensation. Nothing. And I think a little bit after college, she started to get a little bit more painful. Maybe that’s my body telling me maybe to work out a little bit more or change my diet or something, but I and I guess when I was younger now, no discomfort, no pain, nothing like that. I couldn’t understand why it was portrayed that way. 

Le’Nise And then so four years ago, did is, can you pinpoint something that happened that may have changed the way you experience your period? 

MaryEllen Four years ago, I would say no. The only thing that comes to mind is I was often on with birth control for a really long time, and the cold turkey was about five years ago, six years ago. I mean, totally done. And I remember I got insane, chin acne, that I couldn’t get rid of, and I still kind of have it just intense acne on my chin, down on my. My, my cheeks. My t-zone are like my forehead was fine, which was really annoying. And. I think it was really hard, if not impossible, to track for about two years afterwards. And then about four years after we were kind of regular, it was fine, everything. That’s the only thing I could honestly say might have been a difference. My diet kind of always been the same. But that’s been it. And that was that was tough. Now I remember thinking, this is not who I am behaviorally. 

I was so mean. I was so mean. And I remember thinking, this is the words that are coming out of my mouth like I couldn’t. I couldn’t take them back. But like as they were, I feel like I was out of my own body and I was just watching me burn bridges and I just thought, This is, you need to go away, you need to not see anybody until you figure this out. You are not a good person right now. And finally, kind of. Finally was able to balance that out. 

Le’Nise And this was before your period or during your period?

MaryEllen During, it was like the two days before. And then I was delightful afterwards, but I mean, it was just like the two days before was terrible. The first two days were terrible. That’s like a solid week out of my month. I was a monster. That is not OK. 

Le’Nise No, no. Have things gotten better in? 

MaryEllen Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Now I’ve now replaced anger with cravings for peanut butter. So now we got I think I am single handedly keeping Jif peanut butter in business. But one week out of the year I am, I will eat jars of peanut butter. But I’m I like to think that I’ve been told that I am very pleasant now. 

Le’Nise Well, that’s a big, big shift going from mood changes to cravings for peanut butter. So what is it like protein, fat?  

MaryEllen Salty. I think it’s probably the protein and the saltiness. I’ve never really been a sweet flavor. I’ve always been a salty, like a savory over sweet person. And I think just during my period, especially the first two days and then the first two days of actual bleeding, I I am all over anything savory. Especially if it’s covered in peanut butter. 

Le’Nise And it is just peanut butter, or is it almond butter or so? 

MaryEllen It’s just peanut butter and I I will tell, I tell my partner all the time. I will I’ll message him and say, I need you to bring back peanut butter, peanut butter, covered pretzels, peanut butter like noodles because what he’s like, OK, well, I mean, we we know she’s coming soon. And two days later, without fail, there she is. 

Le’Nise Wow, that’s I mean, you’re not alone with having these really intense, savory cravings, but it’s really interesting how it’s very specific to peanut butter. I want to just go back to what you were saying about the birth control. Can you talk a little bit about why you got started on it? Was it was it the oral contraceptive or was it another type of birth control? 

MaryEllen I always did the oral contraceptive, the little packet with the circle. And then, you know, sometimes it changed the packet of square packet and it went left to right for the placebo at the very end and I changed around. I changed the dosages. I did it because I had really bad acne. I would get hormonal acne and I couldn’t get it to go away no matter what. It was just it wasn’t for period pain. It wasn’t for sexual purposes. It wasn’t anything like that. It was purely for an acne purpose. 

And I had a really bad mood swings any time I changed it or I changed the dose, the higher it was, the more irritable I became. And it got to the point where I was still not myself and I was at the lowest possible dosage and do not do this. I am not a medical professional, so I cannot diagnose but do not do what I did. And don’t take yourself off. I don’t test to see if it’s better off. Don’t take yourself off randomly. Go to a doctor and figure out a good way to do this. Don’t be my 20 year old self and try to do a self trial. That’s a terrible idea, but that’s what I did, and I took myself off and I was awful. After six years of being on it and then I went back on it, still terrible, and I basically did everything that I’m pretty sure a doctor would tell you not to do to take yourself on it, putting yourself on, take yourself off, And. Then I took myself off to cold turkey, and it took a while for me to balance out my mood. But oh my gosh, did I love her, like this girl who was not on on? Oh, I loved her. She was awesome. She is awesome. I I don’t feel intense negativity. I feel a lot of things. It’s wonderful. The journey to do that? Talk to your doctor. Don’t do what I did. It was a tough journey. 

But oh my gosh, I love I love this. And I’m not on it and I can track who I am regularly. My cycle regularly. I do all of that. I have a little handicap that you that I mark on the month to month basis. Is a monthly calendar really tiny, but I can. I can track on the day, usually anywhere between twenty six to thirty two days. But again, I’m not the most regular person, but I I would not for my own purposes and my own body. I’m not going to ever go back onto pill or IUD just because it was not. I wasn’t really proud of who I was, and I think that that was more of a a mood thing of how it changed that the level within me and I know that I’m probably a total outlier. A lot of my friends adore their IUD. I love it. Rave about it. Whenever we catch up, they’re talking about their updates. I have a very,  we’re obviously very open. But but for me, I’m I’m the only one that’s completely off out of my core group of six. And the only one that’s off, four of them have IUDs. Three of them love it. And. But that’s that’s this is my story. So I just don’t I do not like I was. I love who I am now. I know how it’s like with monthly spikes of. Intense negative mood swings, intense negative feeling, because by the time I felt like I was stabilizing out of that. It would be like. Five days until the next period, and I don’t want to have five days of normalcy for the rest of my vague, unpredictable, so I took myself off of it. 

Le’Nise Well, you know, you’re you’re this is not something that is unusual. I do hear this a lot. Mood changes due to hormonal contraception. So it’s really important that you’re sharing your story and sharing the impact that this had on you from a mood perspective. But you know, if you are listening to this and you’re thinking, Wow, this is me as well, I want you to know that you’re not alone. This is actually more common than a lot of people realize. I just want to say something. Go back to what you said about your menstrual cycles because you said that they’re between twenty six and thirty two days. Mm hmm. That’s actually quite common for it to be not like just bang on twenty eight days every time. So you mentioned that you might have irregular cycles, but in my work as like a women’s health specialist, an irregular cycle to me would be going from having one menstrual month, being 21 days and then the next one being 40 days. Like you’re looking at like for me, that’s like an irregular cycle, like a really big differential. Whereas what you’re talking about is like four, maybe five days. And I think, you know, that’s not to me, that’s not an irregular cycle. That’s more your body reacting to things that are happening to around you. Maybe one menstrual month, you’re more stressed or you have a lot going on that might change the length of your cycle. So I obviously don’t work with you. I just wanted to give you that little bit of insight. 

MaryEllen No, I love it. I think that this is one of the first few times that somebody said that normal. Thank you! 

Le’Nise Just to go back to what you’re saying about hormonal contraceptives. So you were you got your period at 16 and then at 20, you took yourself off of the pill. So you that mean that you went on it and you were on it for six years, so you were on it from when you were 14. 

MaryEllen So I guess it was four years, four years or so because it was I remember thinking, Oh, I’m on my period. I get to have birth control because that’s what everybody did, and I don’t know if that was. I think that that might be something that was very generational because. It was if it felt like we were kind of made to feel a little weird for doing that. And I remember going to high school when everybody was birth control. And I live in a I lived in a. A small little town in Ohio and everybody was on birth control, so it wasn’t like a city versus rural situation. And a lot of them were on it for the same reason I was on. It was a hormonal acne situation. A lot of people wanted it to balance out their period. I remember I had friends who like you said they would have months go by and they didn’t have a period or they would have months go on and they wouldn’t stop having periods and. I remember everybody was on it for a different reason, one or the other, but I think for me when I went into high school. I was the odd one out because I hadn’t had my period yet, and I wasn’t on birth control because there wasn’t need to. Why would I be on birth control when nothing’s going on anyway? But I was the odd one out. I felt like everybody who I knew in my circle. And I’m not saying I was a popular kid. Please don’t take it that way. But. It was a small school of about two hundred and fifty people and half of those were girls, and they’ve known each other our entire life, and it’s a small town. And I think that everybody was on. Everybody was on it, and that’s OK. But. I remember thinking, I’m an adult, this is weird. When I got my first packet back, when I first filled it. And it was on that for about four years straight, I guess. And then took myself off and then took myself off cold turkey and that was bad. Don’t do that, please. Please don’t do that. I was. That was rough. That was rough. 

Le’Nise So you’ve been on a real journey with hormonal contraception, with your period and the changes that you’ve experienced where it was fine and then now it’s painful. You have moods. You used to experience mood changes and now it’s now it’s the cravings for peanut butter that are quite intense. For someone listening to you and who who who is on the same journey that you have been on with hormonal contraception and now trying to conceive or on that in getting ready to think about that next step, what would what will your message be to them? 

MaryEllen Don’t panic. Because I’m very prone to going to WebMD or the Mayo Clinic and just spiraling, don’t do I’d, like to a point where my doctor tells me, you know, please don’t do that. If you have any questions, call me and we’ll discuss it. But I would just say, don’t. It’s so easy to self-diagnose and panic. And especially now with the Yarlap, with the pelvic floor, I’m now very firmly on that boat of don’t panic, don’t self-diagnose. It’s OK. Whatever’s happening we can, we can work within the parameters given and. You know, with all of this and a lot of my friends who have already had their first kid and and the few that have let me kind of be part of their personal journey and see how difficult it can be, it’s not always as depicted on social media where it’s it’s flawless and it’s beautiful and. Easy. It’s not, that’s a facade. So. I think my thing would be. If you’re within my world, don’t panic. Don’t freak out. Don’t write yourself off. It’s OK, it’s OK. 

Le’Nise So just switching gears a little bit, I want to just go to the pelvic floor and this is an area that I personally didn’t actually learn that much about until after I had had my son. And then I started learning about the different exercises that you needed to do. Of course, you know, like you learn about Kegels and, you know, like that’s kind of permeated into the cultural conversation about pelvic floor. But I didn’t have a true education until I actually really needed to strengthen my pelvic floor. So can you tell listeners why that pelvic floor is so important? 

MaryEllen So just like you, I didn’t know about the pelvic floor muscles until I started doing stuff with Yarlap, with my dad, so that wasn’t until I was about twenty four. So about. Six years ago, and only because I started working in it did I realize what was going on and even my own friends if I wasn’t standing on a soapbox, you know, yelling about the pelvic floor. I don’t think you would know about what’s going on at the pelvic floor because we we aren’t taught about it. Ah, no, really where it’s located until we have a child or we have bladder leaks. And then it’s kind of an, Oh, did you know that this body part existed? Were you aware that these muscles are in your body and they’re in everybody’s body? Did you know that? And the most common answer is no, I had no idea. So. I’m in the same boat with the pelvic floor muscles, it’s just we never discussed it and we never talk about it, even though they are. Basically, the foundation to hold for women, your bladder, your uterus, your visceral organs into their natural position, and for me, not knowing about that was mind blowing. Even when I got the health class discussion from my doctor who he didn’t talk about it. We still didn’t talk about the pelvic floor muscles because I and I’m not sure why. I don’t know why we don’t put more emphasis on these muscles, especially for women, because it’s more of a laundry list of what does it affect them as to what doesn’t affect them for women? 

Le’Nise And OK. And so it’s a really important muscle. Can you talk about some of the effects that not taking care of it, not through lack of awareness or not pointing any fingers, but some? What are some of the effects of not taking care of it? 

MaryEllen Yeah. So some of the effects can be pelvic board pelvic floor dysfunction. So that can include urinary incontinence, which is involuntary bladder. So when you laugh,  sneeze, cough and you pee a little bit? It can be sudden urges to go to the bathroom. It can also be on the other side where it’s super tense. The muscles are very tense all the time and it can make intercourse, penetrative intercourse extremely painful and not even penetrative intercourse. It can just be inserting anything including a tampon that we’re talking about. Menstrual cycles that can include that you just can’t do it because it hurt so much. Your body’s so tense. It’s just it’s not feasible. And that could be on that spectrum of pelvic floor dysfunction, of not having control or proper tone of those muscles. And it can kind of, I think when we think of pelvic floor dysfunction, your pelvic floor not working. Most of us draw a blank of what that even is. So, you know, the two most common are super tense or pelvic floor weakening, which leads to bladder leaks and. I think that what bites us in the rear is that we don’t talk about these enough business. And then when we do, it’s kind of like, Oh, I didn’t know. Well, how are you supposed to do it when you didn’t know that it existed? Don’t put that. Don’t put that burden on yourself. 

And then we’re told to do Kegel exercises, and we wish there was a study. That so that even with written instructions, women do them incorrectly over 50 percent of their of over 50 percent of the time because we end up using our rear ends and our thighs are. Our abs or something like that, and if you’re engaged in a different set of muscles, you’re not engaging the pelvic floor in its entirety, and if you’re not doing a proper workout of the muscle, how are you going to get the benefits that you’re reading about? So it’s kind of why they do these exercises. Good chance not going to do them around the block the by and. It felt like we were setting ourselves up for disaster or failure, more like we were setting ourselves up for failure because by the time we find out that these that these muscles exist, we already have the issue. So it’s not a preventative measure for a lot of people. And then when we do, it can’t be a treatment method because we don’t know how to work them out. We’ve never seen them and we end up engaging the wrong muscles. And that’s kind of how we as Yarlap came into fruition, how we kind of created a space for pelvic floor awareness that. We didn’t want to create this area of shame and burden for women, we wanted to be kind of a safe space of shelter for like, do you not know what’s going on? Hi. We’re here.

Le’Nise Talking about the pelvic floor itself, so that you mentioned there’s a spectrum where it’s super tense or it’s weak and that can lead to incontinence. So how we normally think about incontinence in the sense of like older older people and then now that I am a mother, there’s another side of incontinence that we hear about, but across the population, and I know you probably can only speak to US figures. But how how common is incontinence? 

MaryEllen One in four women. 

Le’Nise Wow, one in four women? 

MaryEllen One in four women, and that’s what blew my mind in the United States is one in three. And the AARP and the University of Michigan came out with a study a few years ago that it’s almost one and two after the age of 50 in the United States, but we never talk about it because. I’m drawing a blank. I don’t know why we don’t talk about it, if there was any other issue, any other medical issue that affected this many women. And was this common universally? It would be plastered everywhere. It would be at the front of stores. It would be at the he’ll be at ATM machines. It would be a disclosure. ATM machines. But we don’t talk about it because we’re afraid of being a butt of a joke or we’re afraid that it’s not. You can’t treat it because I didn’t have it when I was younger and. There’s a lot of myths and miscommunication about it. And it kind of breaks my heart a little bit because. We believe as women, we believe those myths that we’re alone and that there’s nothing you can do about it, you just kind of live with it, suck it up. And that’s a lot of the health issues. That’s not just incontinence. I feel like that’s a lot of things for women in general. PCOS right off the top of my head. Suck it up and live with it until really, really recently. And that’s one in 10 women. So I I don’t understand why. For women, we aren’t more vocal about what is going on with our bodies because it’s important and your health is important and you are important and your quality of life is of the utmost importance. So. I mean, the one in four figure should blow your mind, the one in three in the United States should blow your mind. One in two over the age of 50 should blow your mind. 

Le’Nise My mind is blown, my mind is blown. I’m, you know, you we we get told that it’s a lot of things, as you say with women’s health, we get told that we need to live with these long, painful periods, mood changes, incontinence. And you know, I’ve spoken to older women who are dealing with incontinence, and they just think that it’s just part of life. It’s part of this natural decline that we go into as we get older. But it doesn’t have to be like that. You know, you don’t have to stock up on Depends or in the UK, the brand is Tena. You don’t have to stock up on these things. There is a lot that you you can do. I want to just go back to the other side of the spectrum, which is having a very tense pelvic floor. What can. What’s because we we often don’t think about that, but what can cause that? 

MaryEllen A lot of it could be trauma. Your body’s reaction to tense up. And I’m not saying psychological trauma, can be physical trauma as well. But it’s just like any other body part, it can just be you were formed like that, and that’s OK, and you just need to learn how to properly relax those muscles. But a lot of a lot of the instances can be from trauma related instances and your body’s just tense all the time as a protective measure, and so you just got to learn how to relax those muscles. But again, that’s so much easier said than actually done. The theory is so much easier than the implementation and, and in that vein, we have a lot of women who have hypertense muscles and they can’t experience the pleasure of. If they would like to do penetrative stuff or they don’t have the option to use tampons or anything like that because it’s excruciating pain and there are therapists, pelvic floor therapists to do that stuff kind of stuff. To help with either incontinence from a weak and pelvic floor or hypertense pelvic floor or having hypertension or having a weakened pelvic floor, there’s all sorts of different resources and tools that are available for this. And I think that that is another another major gap is that we don’t talk about it and because we don’t talk about it, people don’t know the information and they don’t know that the information can lead to resources and tools that can help you get rid of it. And I think that that is is something. Very near and dear to my heart that like I, if possible, I would hire a blimp and just with skywriting and write it all over the world. But. I think that there is an information gap where we assume that, well, this is just part of life and then we don’t look deeper into it and we don’t find the tools and the mechanisms to help with the actual issue and then treat it. The treat, the issue. We, you know, we sometimes treat the symptom by getting absorbent products or anything when it could be just toning up a muscle or learning to relax the muscle and getting the tools to get rid of the root cause rather than the symptom. 

Le’Nise So awareness is a big is a big part of this. How can we? How can we increase education around pelvic health? 

MaryEllen Break the stigma around it. I think that we’ve come really far, we still have plenty of work to do when it comes to the menstrual cycle, but we can now we now talk about it openly and we we joke about it. It’s not at a point where everybody feels comfortable doing that. But I think it’s more. Acceptable, then, to look at people and be like, I peed myself. And I think that if we kind of do take within the same vein that we have with the menstrual cycle and break that stigma and nurture a conversation that helps, knowing that you’re not alone, knowing that you’re not the only person in the world who suffers from this is a huge. A huge step forward. And that knowing that there is something there to help you get rid of it is also very key. Yeah. 

Le’Nise So to that point, let’s talk a little bit about about the Yarlap because these sorts of products are really powerful and you have a country like France where after you give birth, you get prescribed pelvic floor therapy. But in the UK, that doesn’t happen. So people are women are scrambling around trying to figure out a solution. And so you and your dad have created a product which is could be a solution for many, many women who are experiencing pelvic floor dysfunction. Tell us a little bit more about it. 

MaryEllen Yeah. So it’s actually funny that you say that about France, because that is. Perfect. Where my dad actually was on the team to help design the device for pelvic floor muscle rehabilitation for the national health care system in France. And in Germany, Scandinavia as well. So. He kind of knew he knew what needed to be done and then created an over-the-counter one for the United States and also for the for the UK as well. And. There is just this gap, and we fell we fell into it ourselves before we created the Yarlap. It was a big moment is that we had a family member. Well, family member, but not a family member, a dear friend that had urinary incontinence to the point where she knew she had 15 minutes. She had 15 minutes of freedom, and she had to go to the bathroom and it was like clockwork. And it got to the point where she wouldn’t leave the house. And then she became secluded, which led to a whole array of things. And. Destroyed her social life, all this other stuff. And my dad goes, well, there’s stuff in the in in France and in Europe that you can just go and get it and it will be covered. So there’s probably something like that in the United States where you can just easily go and get it. Well, no, it’s not because it’s the United States. And so then we we created something that we knew we had the we had the resources, the quality. We had everything that we could do to bring something that would work. To the United States, it could be easily accessible. And that’s the key that it was easily accessible and that it worked. And. I think that there are so many things out there that you want to look for something that is good for your journey. If you have pelvic floor muscle control and you can do the workouts, but you’re not sure if you’re doing them properly or if you’re engaging in the correct muscles, there are an array of tools, right? There’s like there’s eggs, biofeedback tools and all these other things. But if you’re if you want something done for you and you just sit there or you have no ability to control those muscles at all, those tools may not be of use for you because they could engage the wrong muscle, right? You can end up using your your butt again to hold everything in and just clench and to squeeze. And if you’re using your butt, you’re not using your pelvic floor muscles. And so you’re not going to get the benefit to have a rear end. That looks amazing, but you’re still good, but you’re still going to have these leaks because you’re not engaging the pelvic floor muscle. 

So maybe those aren’t correct for you. You want to use an enemy as a neuro muscle electro device that sends a signal into your pelvic floor muscles. And there are just different there’s different arrays and there are dialators for super tense pelvic floor muscles. There are an array of tools, but you want to find out what works for you and what is beneficial for your journey. Because if you have a tense pelvic floor muscle, getting something that is going to do the pelvic floor muscle workouts and clench for you is not what you want. You want something that’s going to help you learn to relax those muscles. So it’s really important that you find out where you are on this spectrum of tone and then go find a tool that is appropriate for you because you don’t want to be backpedaling and not getting the correct tool for your problem. So you want to find out what, what, where exactly you are on this spectrum of tone. 

Le’Nise So if you are wondering where you are, so if you don’t have the obvious, some of the obvious signs where you have bladder incontinence or you have like a super tense like you can feel it or you have issues inserting tampons or issues having penetrative sex. Would you say that the best way to get a sense of where you are is to see a pelvic floor specialist like that sort of therapist? 

MaryEllen Or your GP, whoever does your. Exams, if that’s your OB or if that’s your gynonow or whomever can tell you where, how, how, how you are in your tone, where you are, if you have any. If you’re good, if you want to use devices that are as a preventative measure or as a treatment measure, it’s a good if you have the luxury of going to a licensed health care professional. That is your best bet. 

Le’Nise OK, great. So if you if someone’s listening to this and they’re on this journey and they they’re feeling scared, they’re really worried about the symptoms that they’re experiencing, whether it’s either end of the spectrum or somewhere in between. What words would you give them to give them a bit of support? 

MaryEllen Go to your doctor kicked out of the door and say, Hey, this is what I’m feeling, because just taking that action step of making the appointment or even going to your friends or your family or your partner, or look yourself in the mirror and say, I have a problem, I’m going to go fix this. It’s is a huge, massive step and you should be so proud of yourself for taking that step because you’re trying to improve your quality of life by no longer having this health issue. And you should never feel alone, isolated or ashamed ever about taking control of your own health. So anybody who makes you feel any type of negative way for taking control of your own body, for taking control of your health? They are the ones that should be embarrassed. They’re the ones that should be ashamed for making you feel that way because you’re amazing for doing this for yourself. This is the ultimate form of self-care. I know that we are not throwing that term around for creating a bubble bath and lighting some candles. And that is a form of self-care for people. But I personally believe that this is the ultimate form of self-care is to take control of your health. And if you are doing that and. And you are going to make an appointment or you’re you know, you’re talking to people about your pelvic floor health or your bladder leaks or whatever, and you’re about to start this journey, know that this is so amazing and you are so great for doing it because not a lot of people do. And they just sit and suck it up, even though they’re not happy about it and their quality of life sucks. And you are doing something good for yourself and you’re putting yourself first and you’re taking control of your health. That is amazing. I do not ever, ever feel alone, ever. 

Le’Nise Fantastic. I think those are really important words. If listeners want to find out more about you and Yarlap, where can they go? 

MaryEllen They can go to www.yarlap.com or they can find us on Instagram or Facebook. Instagram is I live and breathe on Instagram, so Instagram is a great place to be at. We’re at @yarlapotp. And you can send us messages, comments, whatever you want and we’ll get back to you as soon as we possibly can. And usually that’s within like an hour or so, and so we’re pretty quick to respond. 

Le’Nise Great. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show today. 

MaryEllen Thank you so much for having me. So nice to talk to somebody about taboo subjects that somebody who’s not embarrassed to talk about them as well so that was really nice.