Period Story Podcast, Episode 102, Alanna Collen: Microbes Have a Crucial and Intimate Role In Running Our Bodies

I had such a fangirl moment on today’s episode of Period Story! I speak with Alanna Collen, a science writer, biologist and author of 10% Human: How Your Body’s Microbes Hold the Key to Health and Happiness. Her book inspired much of my interest in gut health, so it was a thrill to speak to her for the podcast. 

In this episode, Alanna shares: 

  • The vasovagal events that made her periods extremely painful and unpleasant
  • How the Depo Provera injection changed the trajectory of her career  
  • Her background in evolutionary biology and how she ended up doing a PhD on bats 
  • How an encounter with ticks in a rainforest led to her research on the gut microbiome 
  • Why she thinks going to basics with nutrition is better than any gut health tricks or hacks to feed your gut bacteria
  • Her views on fibremaxxing and why we would all benefit from eating more fibre
  • How the trillions of microbes in our bodies support our immune system 
  • The connection between our gut microbiome and  obesity 
  • A sneak peek into her next book, which has been 10 years in the making 
  • Why the weight set point matters and how we can influence it 
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Alanna says that we can look after our microbes by eating as many plant foods as we can and building up the amount of fibre our body is used to tolerating. 

Thank you, Alanna! 

Get in touch with Alanna:

Website

Instagram


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Alanna. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I’m so excited to speak to you, to talk about your rich experience in microbiome research and what you have coming up next. But let’s start with the question that I ask all of my guests, which is tell us the story of your first period. 

Alanna Collen: Hi Le’Nise. It’s so nice to be here. I’m really excited to talk to you. Well, I think the story of my first period is maybe slightly disappointing. I don’t remember a huge amount except I started my period and thought, oh, well there we go. It was probably just a few weeks before I turned 15, so I was quite late.

And I guess I’d been kind of hoping for it sooner ’cause I felt like a late bloomer and all my friends had already started their periods and stuff. But in terms of my period itself, it wasn’t, there was nothing, it was. Light and not anything significant really. And I dealt with it just as expected.

I was at home at the time my mum was in, you know, everything was easy. I knew what to expect. I knew, I knew what was happening. So it wasn’t a big deal. The periods in the following months were a big deal. ‘Cause I think that one was maybe so light that it didn’t really affect me. But once things settled down and I got into a normal rhythm. Then, uh, I started to have extremely awful periods. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay, so can you say more about the awful periods? 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. So, I don’t know whether you’ve had any other guests who have this, but I have a very strong vasovagal response to well, periods and I think generally my cervix being touched. So, basically the beginning of my period would result in me feeling extremely sick, in huge amounts of pain and very, very faint. And it’s the faintness that was so unpleasant. And if I had actually fainted, that would’ve been much nicer. But what I do is I stay right on the edge of consciousness.

My heart rate drops into the thirties. My blood pressure obviously drops very low. I’m in excruciating pain. I vomit. I need the toilet. I can’t stand up everything at the same time. And it’s quite horrendously awful, and it lasts for about 40 minutes. And so having periods was almost immediately extremely traumatic.

And I mean, it was predictable. The same thing happened to my mum. And, um, it would basically, that went on. For whenever I was having periods during my life, four, every third period would be like that. Every third or fourth period would be a massive drama and extremely unpleasant. That meant that after just, I don’t know, maybe, certainly maybe around a year of having periods, I then went onto the depo injection where I, which meant that I had no periods at all, and I stayed on that until I was 28.

Le’Nise Brothers: Wow. And just going back to what you were saying about your periods and the reactions that you were having, the vasovagal response, was there any investigation about what was going on?

Alanna Collen: I remember going to the doctor once with my mum and basically the doctor saying, oh, it’s normal. Just, you know.

I think the doctor thought maybe I wasn’t, that I needed sugar that I was feeling faint ’cause I hadn’t eaten or something. And in hindsight, that was utterly wrong, not the case, not what was causing it. And I think perhaps because my mum suffered in the same way that we just didn’t, it was just like, this is how it is.

This is how periods are for you. I didn’t, I know that not everyone felt the same. And actually I didn’t, I guess I didn’t have too many of those periods before I went onto the injection. So it wasn’t something that, um, was significantly impacting my life for very long, and therefore I could ignore it.

Um, so yeah, we didn’t really, we didn’t really get into what was happening. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay. And then you were on the injection until 28, and then what was your experience like coming off of the injection or after getting your periods back after not having the injection for a while? 

Alanna Collen: Not having, having the injection for sort of 12 years was amazing.

Amazing. I absolutely loved. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to have periods when they could just have an injection every three months and be done with it. And my career I think was extremely different because I had this injection. I did things that I just don’t know how I, I literally don’t know how people who, women who, who are having periods do those things in their careers. Because I spent a lot of time running around in jungles and I had no access to facilities whatsoever. You know, I lived in jungles for weeks and months at a time with no toilet, no running water, nothing, no electricity. So I had no capacity to you know, store waste period waste.

So I think my entire life and career was, was completely different as a result of having those injections, and I’m super grateful for that. When I, when I restarted, it just went straight back to how it was before and was, you know, quickly quite horrendous. I was determined at that point, I’d become a bit more aware of what putting stuff into your body does to you and altering your hormones for such a long period. And I was also aware of the consequences of being on progesterone without much estrogen over time, you know, the impacts on your bone density and so on. I was keen not to be on anything, but it, it didn’t go very well.

And also at that point I was, um, by then married and wanting to have a child, so I wanted to get my cycles back to a natural state. I was aware that it might take some time for that to happen having been on the injection for such a long time. Yeah, I just felt like I had to put up with it, basically.

But it was, it was horrendous. There were points where I considered calling an ambulance, although I knew that they’d never be there in time and I knew that there was not a whole lot they could do. There were definitely points where I called my husband to come home or to look after me. Or my mum, I called my mum in the middle of the night to just have someone next to me, you know, just even on the phone. Just have her there while I go through that process. So, yeah. Horrendous. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I noticed you were using the, you used the past tense. When you talk about this, are your periods still like this or can you talk a little bit about what’s going on with your period now?

Alanna Collen: Well, currently I’m on HRT and I have a Mirena coil, so I’m not having periods. And again, it’s bliss. Um, but. The, a very strange thing happened both to, to my mum and myself, which was that when we had our first child, these events stopped. So I no longer, even if I were, you know, even before the Mirena coil, I wasn’t having these major vasovagal events and I did have them in response to other things. So I actually had one when I had the Mirena coil fitted earlier this year. And again, it was horrendous. It was in a medical setting. So it’s quite interesting because all the nurses were absolutely panicking, and I was like, can I do this every three months?

It’s, you know, this isn’t, it’s a big deal, but it’s not a big deal to me. It’s fairly normal to me. So I was hooked up to a drip and I had to monitor on, and they had to transfer me to a flatbed. And it was all just, there was so much drama and adrenaline around it, and I was like, this is, you know, you, you guys don’t realise but I’ve dealt with this for large periods of my life without any help at all. Yeah, now thankfully I’m, I’m back to not having to deal with that kind of stuff. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Just thinking to the future, so if you had this experience, your mum had this experience, is there anything that you’re doing to prepare yourself if your daughter has a similar experience?

Alanna Collen: And that’s a very good question and not something I have really considered. But I would very likely suggest that she took the same approach as me. Although I’m not entirely comfortable with synthetic hormones from an early age or, you know, at all it’s so disruptive to your life to go through that.

And, you know, my periods, even when they, when I didn’t have a vasovagal attack, were very unpleasant and very painful. And so I could easily have two or three days a month where I was not able to do what I wanted to do because of pain. So yeah, I think I’d probably be talking about that with her doctor.

Le’Nise Brothers: Just going to what you, back to what you said about being in the jungle. Your experience of not having a period there, or not having to deal with waste, period waste and all of that. Can you talk a little bit. About why you were in the jungle, because I find this really fascinating because your background is an evolutionary biologist.

You did a lot of study in a particular area, which I’ll let you talk about, and then you made this big shift to microbes and the microbiome. So can you say a little bit more about that? 

Alanna Collen: Uh, yeah, so I was, um, I’ve always been a biologist. I was very interested in biology at school, and then I did a biology degree.

And during the first year of my degree, I was particularly interested in wildlife. I’d grown up watching, you know, David Attenborough documentaries and loved animals. And, uh, there was an opportunity to go to Indonesia to work alongside scientists. And with wildlife and I, I took it in the first summer of my university holidays and spent two months there.

Uh, the first month was in a very remote village in a rainforest and I loved it. And I became particularly interested at that time in bats. Um, I did a, a week with a bat scientist and we caught dozens of species, hundreds of individuals during that week, and I just found all the different so fascinating. The fact that they fly, they echolocate. So I got super into bats and continued to study them during my degree and then did a master’s with a focus when I had the opportunity to make choices about what I was doing, I always chose to work on bats, and then I did a PhD on bats as well.

So I spent a lot of time over the years. My PhD was very travel heavy. Um, I’m not quite sure, but I, I guess I went to maybe eight or 10 countries during that time. Lots of long periods of time in rainforest, particularly in Southeast Asia and other habitats as well, like, the desert in Egypt and so on.

And yeah, just a lot of catching bats and recording their eco echolocation calls and working on how, understanding how those calls evolved over time. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s so fascinating because you, when you think biology, bats don’t necessarily come to mind for me, I think more about human biology, right?

Alanna Collen: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: What is it about bats that you find so interesting or you found so interesting?

Alanna Collen: I mean, I still love them. I know what you mean about biology. It does, it does, often you go straight to health, right. And how the human body works. But for me, at that time, wildlife was human biology and was biology.

And, um, I was working, my PhD was at a conservation organization, so it was all about you know, the natural world was very much the focus. And I was very concerned and continue to be very concerned about the state of the planet and biodiversity. And I married a conservation biologist from that place where I was doing my PhD.

And I, I think bats in particular, I think partly it was that when you do field work on bats, you very often catch them. And so with, with a lot of field work in biology, you are maybe not in contact with the animal. You might be doing camera trapping or collecting scats, the poos or to find out bits of information about them.

With bats, you often catch them, hold them, measure them, in my case, record their calls, and I just found each, the character of each different species is so different, so interesting. Their little faces. I mean, a lot of people think they’re ugly. I think they’re completely fascinatingly beautiful and so diverse and interesting. And the fact that they fly, and there’s a lot about aerodynamics that I find quite interesting about how they work. The echolocation calls are all different. I find that really interesting because they’re using physics to find their way around the world and they all do it in a different way.

So, yeah, so much. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I love that. I, I, I love it when, you know, people have, they’re passionate about things and I can really hear that. 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: When you talk about it. And now talk about how you made the shift from studying about bats to then looking into the microbiome and you then went on to write your first book, which is called 10% Human, How Your Body’s Microbes Hold the Key to Health and Happiness.

So talk about that shift. 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. So, the downside of, uh, working in rainforests is that, um, they’re quite dangerous actually. And perhaps I didn’t fully appreciate that at the time. One of the, one of the dangers is infectious disease. So I had an encounter with a lot of ticks. At one point, I think I probably walked through a tick nest because, uh, I found myself, um, my ankles and feet covered in, um, dozens of ticks and, by the time I had the chance to deal with them, lots of them were buried into my skin. And, you know, I didn’t know where they’d all got to. And ultimately I then fell ill with an unknown disease that was possibly some Asian version of Lyme disease. Who knows? I still don’t know. But I became quite unwell.

I started to have periods of, uh, extreme fatigue and muscle pain and, it would come and go, which made it even more difficult to diagnose. And eventually, uh, a doctor said, look. Let’s just try treating this as if it’s Lyme disease, as if it’s like now a long chronic version of Lyme disease. So we’re going to give you a load of antibiotics and I also had developed a bone infection in my toe, which possibly was related to being bitten on all over my feet.

And that was, that was pretty bad. Very, very painful. I had three surgeries to clean that out. I had antibiotics placed in beads inside the bone of my toe, and I had a lot of intravenous antibiotics at that time. And then a follow up of actually nearly a year and a half of various different other kinds of antibiotics to try to clear this infection out of my system.

And in some ways I felt a lot better. I, I stopped having such dramatic symptoms, but in other ways things started to go wrong. So my gut wasn’t very happy. I kept getting infections and I had quite bad acne. And if I tried to come off the antibiotics, the acne would get worse. So, at some point during this process, I started to think maybe I’ve messed up my good bacteria.

And that’s literally all I knew at that point. Good bacteria, they, you know, they live in your gut, right? And they do something maybe, uh, so I went to, I went to a GP and said that my theory now was that although I was feeling better from my original problem, I had messed up my good bacteria. And he just went, that is not a thing.

And I felt so indignant because I just thought if we’re full of microbes, then how can they not be doing anything? How can it, that’s not how evolution works. If something’s, if something’s there, it’s there for some kind of reason in all likelihood. So I went home and I started properly looking into it, reading scientific papers and that, then I just became, you know, I found that I was actually looking into it exactly the right time. There were, um, this was about 2012, 2013, and there were several special issues of Science and Nature that had all about the microbiome. And scientists were really catching on to how significant the microbiome was in running our immune systems and, uh, the metabolism and so on.

And so I was fascinated. I was completely hooked on piecing together this puzzle of what our microbes do, how they do it, and how that might relate to my experience and how that might mean I could fix myself. So yeah, I, I got obsessed. I’d finished my PhD, I’d already decided that I wanted to try and write a popular science book, and so suddenly this seemed like the right thing to do.

I couldn’t stop reading, so why not also write about it?

Le’Nise Brothers: So now, this was about 10, 10 years ago. 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That you wrote your book. 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And the, we’ve now seen a big shift in the way that gut health is discussed in the media, the way that you can go to Sainsbury’s and buy different gut health products, there’s a better understanding of gut health.

What do you think of this shift and what do you think the public still needs to learn about gut health? 

Alanna Collen: I am absolutely delighted with, I mean, it couldn’t be more gratifying to go from a point when I started writing the book where no one had heard the word microbiome and people literally could not believe what I was telling them when I was first talking about it.

You know, with my friends and in the pub and stuff saying what these microbes did for us and how important they were. People did not believe me, and now it’s just everyday information that, like you say, it’s in every supermarket, it’s in magazines all the time. It’s just gut health. It is a standard.

Unfortunately, possibly not in, in, uh, the NHS, but in terms of the public’s understanding, I think that’s just fantastic and I’m like super proud to have been part of that revelation, uh, to the public about how important they are and to have been able to communicate the science of, of so many amazing scientists over the years.

So what would I like? I actually think that the public have a really good understanding of it. What disappoints me about the way we treat health and gut health at the moment is that we we’re focused on tricks and hacks, and I don’t think that’s how it works. I think if you are looking for tricks and hacks to make your microbiome healthy, that’s possibly not going work so well as.

Just taking it back to basics and saying, what am I feeding them? One thing that I often get asked on podcasts is, what’s your super food? What’s your go-to food? What’s the one thing that you think that everyone should eat? And that’s exactly the kind of attitude that I think is so, uh. Disappointing and wrong when it comes to health.

It’s not about doing one thing. It’s not about going to the supermarket and buying beetroot or pomegranate or whatever the hot new nutrient or food stuff is at the time. It’s about having a balanced diet. It’s about eating lots of fibre, lots of colors in incorporating all sorts of plant foods into your diet and it’s, it’s not a sound, soundbitey is it, but that’s how it actually works.

So yeah, that’s the change I’d like to see next. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Have you heard about this trend that it first started on TikTok? It’s called fibremaxxing. 

Alanna Collen: Oh yeah. I, ha, yeah, I have, go on. Tell me more. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So basically it was this woman in New York. She decided that she wanted to really see how she could improve her gut health.

And she kept hearing people talk about fibre and how fibre was so important, and she was trying to find a way to make it sexy for herself so she would continue to do it. And so we know that the recommendation is about to eat about 30 grams of fibre every day, which most people struggle to do.

Alanna Collen: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: She says that for herself, she wanted to try to eat between a hundred and 120 grams of fibre a day. And so it was about, you know, with the Gen Z and gen alpha, it’s everything is maxing, looks maxing, fibre maxing. And so that’s then became this trend of eating as much fibre as possible, but trying to make it really sexy.

So it’s not just about like, Raisin Bran or, you know, lots of bran, lots of that kind of what traditionally we would’ve thought of as of as fibre. And so yeah, that was this big thing over the summer. 

Alanna Collen: I mean, I think, I think that the idea is right. I think also it’s interesting, the, the amounts of fibre, the recommended amount, like you say, is around 30 grams in different countries.

But, um, we know, know that historically it seems that populations used to eat something more like a hundred grams a day. And pre-industrial populations around the world still eat more like a hundred grams. So that’s not an unreasonable amount of fibre to, to eat. I think you have to be careful about how you get there.

Starting to eat a hundred grams of fibre a day would completely overwhelm your gut. You have to, there it is a living population and if you want to make changes, you need to do it slowly so that it can keep up and so that your gut biology can keep up and your gut barrier can manage it and so on.

So it’s not a. No one should suddenly just start eating loads of fibre. They will have horrible symptoms that will make them feel uncomfortable, and then they’ll make assumptions about being intolerant or something. And the reality is, your microbes digest stuff for you. So if you want to make a change, you’ve got to let them come along for the ride and increase populations of the particular species and strains that digest those particular kinds of fibre or kinds of food.

Um, so that would be the first thing that I’d say about fibre maxing. If, if that’s something you want to try, then it’s a process. Yeah. Um, in terms of the trend, like it, I, I get the need to make it sexy because it’s not something that, I think for some reason the protein trend appeals to people as being sexy automatically.

There’s something about protein and muscle and being lean and strong that’s just is automatically sexy. Fibre is not so sexy, really. And you know, people associate it with bowel movements and other unpleasant things that it just doesn’t make it seem the same way as protein. So yeah, if there’s a, if there’s a way to make it sexy, then great.

I like, I think there are elements of eating, lots of fibre that can be seen as sexy, like eating the rainbow. I think that’s got a very appealing nature and, varying the kinds of fibre that you eat, the kinds of plant foods that you eat, and recognising that it’s not just about fruit and vegetables.

There’s also seeds and nuts and grains and so many other kinds of fibre that you can incorporate into your diet that your microbes will love. That’s all good. So yeah, overall the trend itself is maybe a beneficial one for people. I would also say sorry to add to that, there’s, I think in diet and nutrition. Over the decades, there’s been a tendency towards leaving stuff out, being the solution. So eat less fat, eat less saturated fat, eat less, fewer carbs, eat less sugar. And I don’t think that’s been the most helpful approach because it makes people feel like they’re getting less.

Whereas now we seem to have having with those not having worked very well and not really having had a massive impact on public health. I think that’s why we’ve seen this switch to more protein as a trend. And I’m not on board with that one, but more fibre, I certainly am on board and I think that’s a nice way to think fibre first and then what else do I need?

And so yeah, that’s got value. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, I completely agree. And that’s one of the principles that I, when I work as a nutritionist, that I lead with, what can we add in rather than this restrictive approach where it then starts to play on your mind and all you’re thinking of is, I can’t have this.

Alanna Collen: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I can’t have that. 

Alanna Collen: Absolutely. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Talking about microbes, the way that you talk about them is so interesting. So it’s, they do this, they do that. Talk a little bit more about our microbes because the title of your first book, 10% Human, is really interesting.

Say more about microbes. 

Alanna Collen: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And the trillions of microbes that we have and what they do for us. 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. So, we, we are absolutely stuffed full of microbes, but they’re in almost all parts of us. They’re covering our skin. They’re, and the gut is the hub. So we have something like 50 to a hundred trillion microbes living primarily in the gut.

10% Human that comes from the idea that we, that the number of microbial cells in the body outnumbers the number of human cells by 10 to one. Unfortunately for the title of the book that has since been altered. So they actually did a recount of the number of human cells and, um, so the microbes haven’t really changed, but um, that puts it now more at 50 50 or something thereabouts.

So if I were writing the book now, it’d be called 50% Human. It is very frustrating that the one thing that’s changed is the title anyway. Um, the kind of principle very much stands that microbes are very significant to us. They’re not there as hitchhikers. They’re, they actually have a very crucial and intimate role in running our bodies.

And most of that role takes place when we’re babies and they’re very, very significant in how they set the human body up, the immune system and the metabolism in particular and how they instruct it. They calibrate it basically. And, but then even as adults, they’re super important. They tell your immune system what to do.

They tell your immune system how much to worry about different things. So if you eat something like gluten or um, nuts or encounter some pollen. The immune system should, the microbes should be saying, oh, we’ve seen some pollen, but don’t worry guys, it’s fine. That’s its instruction to the immune system.

These, this can’t hurt us. And it’s when that microbial relationship with the immune system goes wrong because the messages aren’t there because the microbes aren’t there that we then develop things like allergies. Autoimmunity is another level of that. So that’s when, um, the immune system attacks our own cells, our body’s cells and produces illnesses like type one diabetes or lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. And that’s when it’s this, it comes from the same roots where the microbes haven’t taught the immune system to tolerate what it finds. Um, and then we have the flip side, which is things like cancer, where the microbiome should be playing a role in teaching the immune system what to attack, as well as what to leave alone. And when we, we actually develop cancer multiple times a day, and in terms of the very simple basics of cells that start to proliferate uncontrolled. And if, um, the microbiome, if the body is working well, then the immune system goes, hang on a sec.

These guys are bad. Let’s kill ’em off. Get rid of them. And that’s part of normal biology. And you know, part of the problem with cancer is that the immune system isn’t managing to attack and kill off those cells. So cancer can proliferate more easily. So yeah, the microbiome. It tells the immune system what to do.

And the immune system is also fundamental in telling other body systems how to work. So once we have inflammation, if the immune system is active and out of control, active in the wrong ways, managing the wrong things, that then affects a lot of other things about how our biology works, including how the metabolism runs.

So our weights have some, the amount of fat that our bodies carry and how well we, we metabolise food is also dependent on what the microbiome is telling the immune system, what the immune system is telling the rest of the body, including the brain. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And talking about different body systems.

So another area that the microbiome is so important for is hormone health. So we have a whole family of microbes called the estrobolome that are so helpful for managing estrogen. Can you say a little bit more about that? 

Alanna Collen: Uh, this is definitely not my area of expertise, um, and something that’s actually developed since I wrote 10% Human.

But, um, the general principle is that there are, our microbes kind of metabolise many products that our bodies produce. Including hormones. And so they’re part of this cycling process of, of what we have, what chemicals we have floating around in our bodies that do jobs for us. And so if our, if our microbes are out of balance, then that can affect how our hormones are balanced as well.

Le’Nise Brothers: So you wrote the book and it kickstarted a lot of conversations. What about in your own life? What changed for you in your diet and or your nutrition and your lifestyle in the midst of writing the book? Because you mentioned the health struggles that you had been having. Did anything? I, I’m not going to say did what changed for you, because I’m assuming that a lot changed for you.

Alanna Collen: Yes, a lot changed. 

Yeah. I mean, I think I was fortunate to have started from a point of reasonably good understanding of nutrition and a decent diet in the first place. Now obviously ultraprocessed foods have become a very big deal, and I was already very conscious of ingredients that didn’t belong in food.

So I, I didn’t tend to eat ultra processed foods at that stage as a habit at least. But I certainly increased the amount of fibre I ate. So the first thing I did, which is also my tip for anyone who wants to try to improve their microbiome, is I overhauled my breakfast. I had previously been eating a healthy in quotes, cereal from the supermarket that, you know, has health claims on the box and says things like high and fibre and stuff.

I recognised that actually, although it said those things, it was, obviously kind of ultra processed and also not that high in fibre compared to some other cereals that you might eat for breakfast, but not in reality. So the first thing I did was start eating a kind muesli type thing that I made up myself. It’s kind of a bircher, but actually I didn’t make it the night before, so it was at that point muesli with including seeds and nuts. Um, but no dried fruit ’cause I wasn’t a fan of dried fruit. And then I would mix into it some some natural yogurts and milk and usually raspberries and blueberries because I really liked them. So I got a bit of colour in there and I got a load of different kinds of plant foods. I got some probiotics from the yogurt, and it was yummy and still is yummy. And and it was quite high in fibre. So I was actually getting very nearly my daily recommended allowance of, or, uh, recommendation of fibre just from that one bowl of breakfast cereal.

Le’Nise Brothers: Wow. 

Alanna Collen: So that was a big change. And then I just started to be more conscious of how to incorporate more plant foods into my lunches and dinners as well. And how I snacked and things like that. I’m very much now I, I think about what my microbes need. I’m quite conscious of my own body, so when I feel like I’m a bit inflamed, then I’ll be even more conscious of what I’m eating and making sure that I’m feeding the microbes that can calm that inflammation.

So that was definitely the biggest change. Antibiotics I’ve been very reluctant to take antibiotics if I can avoid them. I haven’t had nearly as many as I did before. Um, I should have said earlier actually that one of the reasons that I’d ruined my microbiome was because I was using an antibiotic called Doxycycline as an anti-malarial.

And because I travelled so frequently, I never came off it. You have to be on it before you travel. You have to be on it while you’re there, and you have to be on it for a period of time after you get back. And uh, so I just was on it for years and years and years and that was before I started all the other antibiotics to treat the tickborne infection.

So yeah, the, having avoiding antibiotics after that was a big part of it. And, um, being very careful with my daughter and, trying not to give her antibiotics unnecessarily. Not be casual about it. Let’s not say you shouldn’t give your child antibiotics if they need them, because obviously sometimes they are lifesaving or they can make a big impact on whether, uh, a child develops significant damage after some kind of infection, like ear damage, for example.

But I was, yeah, just very much more aware of, can I. Can I see how she gets on? So there were two occasions where I, she was prescribed antibiotics and I went to get them from the pharmacy and I brought them home. And then I basically watched her like a hawk and decided on, on both occasions that she was dealing with the infection on her own and that I didn’t need to give them to her.

And, um, she came, came through those infections, which were just, you know, respiratory infections on her own with, without any, um, complications. So I’m fortunate there, she’s now nine years old and she’s never had antibiotics and I’m, I’m very relieved and pleased that, that I’ve been able to, that she’s been able to do that.

I’ve been able to do it as well. Um, so yeah, that’s a big part of what I’ve changed. 

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s quite interesting hearing you talk about antibiotics and your experience and whether or not you gave them to your daughter. I’m in the same position where my son has never had antibiotics and he has never been seriously ill, so he’s never really needed, needed to have them.

So I’m, I feel quite lucky in that respect. But the, I think that the conversation generally around antibiotics has also shifted where I think, you know, remember thinking about in the 90s and the 2000s where you would just, you go to the doctor, here’s some antibiotics. 

Alanna Collen: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And now I think there’s more of an understanding around not just the effect on the gut microbe microbiome, but also antibiotic resistance.

Alanna Collen: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you just say a little bit about that? 

Alanna Collen: Well, I, I think, yeah, so antibiotic resistance is obviously a really significant problem. And I think the interesting thing is that maybe 20 years ago, most people’s understanding of antibiotic resistance was that it was a problem that would affect humanity as broadly, but not that it was a problem that would affect them.

And I think possibly that shifted slightly where what we are understanding now is that if you take antibiotics, your level of antibiotic resistance goes up, which means those antibiotics will not work for you later. And that, that’s a little bit more like, oh, okay. I don’t want to take them if it means that I’ll have surgery and then I won’t be, then I’ll get a super bug and I won’t be able to fight it off.

And I certainly see that in many of the children in my life, my daughter’s friends and so on, that those who have had antibiotics from an early age have, have gone on to have multiple courses a year. And that they then have to move on to new varieties because they’ve stopped working. And so that, that’s, um, yeah, that antibiotic resistance element of it is super important.

I also think that people’s awareness of how important the microbiome is helps with the antibiotic resistance. They don’t see it as a, as I said, like a, a public health problem. They see it as a, what are they doing to their microbes problem. And that puts you off. So then you are less likely to be casual about just taking antibiotics ’cause it might help, it might shorten your, your cold by a few days, although it won’t ’cause it’s a virus. But you know, that, that puts people, makes people more mindful of what they’re doing to their own bodies rather than what they’re doing to humanity’s collective problems.

Le’Nise Brothers: Now just shifting a little bit to the future.

So your first book was about microbes and your next book, if you can say a little bit more about it, is around obesity. 

Alanna Collen: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: This is such a fascinating topic because firstly, it links really nicely with the first book because we know the effect that the microbes have on metabolism.

Mm-hmm. And we’ve now seen this huge explosion in GLP-1 usage. 

Alanna Collen: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you just say a little bit more about that and maybe give us a sneak peek about what you’ll be covering? 

Alanna Collen: Sure. So, like you say, I did talk about obesity and weight in my first book, um, because the microbiome is really important.

So it comes back to what I was saying before about inflammation. If your microbes are not protecting your gut lining, then various elements, microbial elements can get into the blood where they irritate the immune system and they make it inflamed. And that then affects how your body stores fat.

So inflammation creates fat storage because the, basically the body is worried that something bad is happening because the gut lining is damaged. And if something bad is happening, then they want to make sure that there’s a lot of stored energy. And so, it promotes fat storage if your microbiome is not in good shape.

So I found though that that work, that research when I was writing 10% Human completely fascinating, it absolutely transformed my understanding of how the body manages weight, um, and fat storage and my understanding of obesity the obesity epidemic. And so I kind of ran with that and started to do more research into actually what, you know, it’s, it’s not just, it’s, it doesn’t make sense to say eat less, move more you’ll lose weight because what’s making you eat more and what’s making you not want to exercise or to be active? Something’s driving that. You know, our appetites tell us what what to do, how much to eat, and uh, and actually even less consciously, our bodies decide what to do with that energy once it’s in, once, once it’s in us.

So I was fascinated to try to understand what, what is driving those processes and what can we really learn about why one person wants to eat more, why one person wants to eat more foods that are traditionally seen as unhealthy and how can we change it? So then I started working on this new book, which is currently untitled, unfortunately but might be called The Weight Setpoint, we’ll see. It is not just about the microbiome, but is about how the energy management system of our bodies has been altered by our modern way of living and that causes a raise in the weight set point. And the weight set point is how much fat your body wants you to store. And basically your brain will do whatever is necessary to make your body store that amount of fat.

So regardless of what you do, if you diet, yes, you, you can lower your weight by eating less than than you burn, but it doesn’t change the weight set point. The weight set point remains higher. So when after some time or when you slacken off or even it happens, even if you don’t slacken off, your weights will creep back up to the weight set point.

It will do that through altering your appetite, altering the kinds of foods that your brain wants you to eat, and also by changing how efficiently your body uses fuel. So it will burn less when you exercise and it will spill less energy as heat so that you can hold onto it and put it into storage.

So it’s a very clever system, very very different from our current understanding of how obesity works. And yeah, I can’t wait for this book to be out in the world. It’s been, I’ve been working on it for 10 years, so it’s a big deal. And, um, yeah, hopefully in the next year or so we’ll be out. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You talking about weight set point reminded me of this study that I read. So basically, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this show, it’s an American show. I think they had some epi, some versions on over here called The Biggest Loser. 

Alanna Collen: Yes. Yeah. So I’ve written about it in the book. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay. Okay. And for people who aren’t familiar with the show, it’s basically a reality show where people go on and they try to lose the most amount of weight within a very short period of time, and there is some research that came out of the back of the many contestants that have been on the show that talk about the changes in their weight set point after being on that show and how there, this has actually, I don’t know if they use damaged, but they imply that it’s been damaged by what they did on the show.

Do you have any thoughts about that, given that you have written about it. 

Alanna Collen: Yeah. So a fairly prominent scientist called Kevin Hall studied the contestants, was smart enough to get in there early and studied some of the contestants, uh, before they went through the process of The Biggest Loser, which involves extremely restricted diets and huge amounts of exercise, and, um, and then followed up with them during the process, after the process, and then some years down the line, um, I think it was six years down the line, so he could see what happens to the body, to the metabolism, and to weight over this time period. And as you say, most of the participants lose enormous amounts of weight, really significant amounts of weight.

Most of the participants regain almost all of that weight, some overshoot, and end up heavier than they were before it started. And uh, one of the interesting things that Kevin Hall found was that their metabolisms had shifted slightly. So to burn fewer calories as a result of this process so that let’s say for example, somebody needed 2000 calories a day in order to stay alive, to maintain a steady weight.

After the process of going through all of that weight loss, then their bodies would shift down so that they needed only 1800 calories. Per day. So they become more efficient to conserve because they have this, the, their brains have a weight set point within them that is telling them that they need that much fat storage.

That’s what the body thinks is right. So if they then drop their weight, the body thinks it’s starving. So it does what it needs to do, firstly to try to get ’em to eat more or to move less so they burn less, to release less energy as heat because it’s a waste. And to be more efficient in the way it runs itself so that the muscles don’t use as much energy.

The organs don’t use as much energy, and that then means that once they’ve gone through a weight loss process, their metabolism has, has dropped. They need fewer calories to survive, so they have to eat even less. So they’re in this horrendous position of, of being restricted even more than they ever were, but the weight is still coming back.

And that and that tallies with a lot of research into yo-yo dieting, um, that people actually tend to ultimately be heavier when they have yo-yo dieted a lot. If you take, for example, twins where one has done a lot of dieting and the other one hasn’t, the one who’s done a lot of dieting, even if they’re genetically identical, as the one who tends to weigh more.

So yeah there’s a lot to say that the weight set point doesn’t change. Even if we lose weight, but the metabolism shifts to try to preserve that weight set point. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So someone’s listening to this and they have struggled with their weight for a long time and they’re looking, they’re at the point where they’re looking for a different solution.

Maybe they’re thinking about going on a GLP-1. What would you say to them? 

Alanna Collen: Well, I’m not a medical doctor, so it’s not really my position to, to recommend or, or not GLP-1s. GLP-1s also do not alter your weight set point. They interfere at quite a high level with your body trying to fulfill that weight set point.

And they seem to have huge numbers of benefits aside from weight loss, you know, significant metabolic benefits in terms of making, um, you manage carbohydrate metabolism, sugar, metabolism better, and also some benefits, uh, around inflammatory processes. So they seem to be affecting how the immune system is running.

And obviously some people suffer side effects that make that not worthwhile. And there may be side effects that we see coming up over time. And now that very many millions of people are using it that couldn’t be seen when during the trials or when fewer people were using it, and we just don’t know how they’ll, those will pan out.

Um, but it’s incredibly effective. They’re incredibly effective medications that seem to be doing a lot of good. However, when people stop using them weight set point remains how it was before, and people tend to gain weight again, so it is a commitment. Um, in terms of what I’d say to people, I would if they’re aside from the GLP-1 question, I would say, don’t diet because as in, don’t go on a reduced calorie diet because yes, they work in the short term term, but no they don’t in the long term, and they may have the effect of reducing the amount of food that your body is happy to exist on. And they may, you may end up having this, the kind of yo-yo diet effect over time of actually ending up weighing more than you did before having bigger fat stores. I would say exercise, not because it reduces weight.

It’s not very effective at doing that. Maybe a kilo or so, but not. Not particularly more than that, but it is still good for your health and it does reduce inflammation. And it does help you manage sugar levels and so on. I would say still worry about your diet because even though cutting calories, doesn’t lead to weight loss, or doesn’t lead to permanent weight loss. It doesn’t lead to a change in the weight set point. Having a healthy diet, again, still has major impacts on your overall health. Having lots of fibre, lots of colour in your diet, eating loads of plant foods that still benefits your immune system and reduces inflammation, which over the long term will help you to manage weight and possibly prevent your weight from going higher.

So there’s still, like all the traditional things still stand. And then in the, in the book that I’m writing, I will also be talking about how to improve your microbiome, how to improve sleep, because sleep is a really significant part of weight, of the energy management systems. And also to, I’ll be talking a lot about environmental chemicals, the impact of chemical exposures, which can be anything from ultra processed foods to medications, to chemicals that we encounter in the home and so on. They are also all known to have an impact on the weight set point. So that’s, that’s the, a major component of my new book.

Le’Nise Brothers: Fantastic. I’m so looking forward to reading, reading your new book. When is it coming out? 

Alanna Collen: Um, good question that my editors would also really like to know. I’m not sure is the answer. Towards the end of next year or the following year, I think is. Is likely. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. I mean, as I know, writing a book is a journey and once you hand the book in, it’s like a, even though you have the whole editing process to go, it’s like a, a weight of your back.

So I am looking forward to reading it whenever it’s published. What’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with today? 

Alanna Collen: Oh, that’s a good question. Just one thought. I’d say fibre. My, my answer is, is plant foods, eat fibre. Look after your microbes by eating as many plant foods as you can, and building up the amount of fibre that your body is used to tolerating. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Fantastic. Where can people find you? 

Alanna Collen: I’m on Instagram.

Once I finish this book, my presence on Instagram will pick up a little. And obviously they can look for my book. 10% Human. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Fantastic. Thank you so much for coming onto the show. 

Alanna Collen: Thank you for having me. It’s been really fun.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 101, Kate Smith: We Don’t Want Anyone To Be Held Back By Their Period

On today’s episode of Period Story, I speak with Kate Smith, the CEO and co-founder of Hey Girls CIC, a multi-award-winning social enterprise dedicated to ending period poverty in the UK.

In this episode, Kate shares: 

  • How she went from looking forward to her first period to feeling overwhelmed by shame once it arrived 
  • How her experience of teaching menstrual education has helped her feel more in control of her period 
  • Why the luxury of menstrual product choice is so important and empowering
  • What the term period dignity means and why it’s connected to period equality 
  • The importance of non-stigmatising and inclusive language when it comes to menstruation 
  • The work Hey Girls are doing to help reduce period poverty, including the 42 million products they’ve donated into the community since 2018!
  • Why you should buy from social enterprises and why Hey Girls was set up this way
  • The work Hey Girls have done with This Girl Can to share low cost ways to move during each phase of the menstrual cycle 
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Kate says Hey Girls doesn’t want anyone to be held back by their period, whether that’s speaking up in a meeting or participating in sports. She says that menstruation shouldn’t be a barrier to being equal in society or feeling dignified. 

Thank you, Kate!

Get in touch with Kate:

Hey Girls… Website

Pads for Dads Kit

Instagram


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi, Kate. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I’m really excited to speak to you, talk about the work that you’re doing with hey girls…. But first, let’s get into the question that I start each conversation off with on the show, which is tell us the story of your very first period. 

Kate Smith: Yeah, thanks for having me along today.

So to give a little context to where I was in that time of my life, my parents had separated when I was really young and I had lived with my mum all through my childhood. And then when I was about 11, I lived with my dad. And I’d had a slightly kind of rocky relationship with my dad anyway, so moving in with him when you’re 11 years old was a little bit challenging and obviously going to high school. But to go back to my period I’d wanted my period so badly for so long, and I suppose in my mind I was a late bloomer. But actually I got my period when I was 13, so I wasn’t particularly late at all. But I grew up in a friendship group and in a kind of geographical area where the kids that I was with were quite mature. Even at 13, you know, we were going out drinking and smoking and things like that. So, um, yeah, I was kind of longing for it. But then when it came, when I was 13 and it came, I was instantly kind of overwhelmed with this shame.

And feeling dirty and not wanting to talk to anyone about it. And I was so embarrassed that I didn’t tell my dad. So I didn’t even tell him at all until he found out because I was basically stealing tampons from my stepmum. So she had obviously told him that I was taking tampons and he refused to buy me period products, uh, well refused to buy me tampons because I think I grew up in a kind of, uh, attitude I know a lot of people did wear tampons were seen as kind of like slutty, like you would lose your virginity, so he would only buy me pads. So it was kind of, and that in itself kind of makes you feel shameful about even wanting to use tampons. And all my friends were using tampons, so I again felt kind of lesser than using pads.

And obviously people would tease depending on what period products you use. So I grew up in that kind of very stigmatised way of thinking. And I just remember being so particularly so ashamed of brown blood and thinking, why is my, I always imagined period blood to be bright red and why is my period blood brown?

And I always remember really, really vividly thinking there was something wrong with me because my period blood was brown. So overall, you know, the first experience was, was not, not that great. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. And what’s really interesting is that you went from feeling really excited and longing for your period to having the complete opposite, where there was just this like moving from excitement to shame and feeling like it was something that you needed to hide.

Can you just say a little bit more about where the excitement came from? Why were you excited to get your period? 

Kate Smith: It’s, it’s really interesting because I have an older sister, she’s three, four years older than me, and I remember her getting her period. And I remember I always, I’ve always looked up to my big sister as a lot of, you know, younger siblings do.

And we lived with my mum at the time and I remember the celebration that was had and my mum particularly saying to my sister, you’re a woman now. And it was a lovely thing to see, and I kind of couldn’t wait to have that I’m a woman now feeling, but actually when I got my periods, it was a completely different, I didn’t want to talk about it because I knew my dad wouldn’t have that kind of celebration that my sister had had.

And of course, I told my mum when I went home to, you know, I still saw her and things. But yeah, the initial. The initial excitement came from seeing that, from seeing her, having that, 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah.

Kate Smith: You know, celebration. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And then going from this feeling of wanting to have a similar experience to your sister, to then having one that was shamed, not only because you felt like you couldn’t talk about it, but also being shamed for. Using tampons and this kind of almost sexualisation of a period product, which, it’s so sad. It’s just so, and I hear this, even people saying to this day, you know this, you know, why are you using tampons and. I, this is going to lead into a conversation that I’d like to have with you later around period dignity.

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: But I want to just talk a little bit about this shame and how it affected you throughout your teenage years. Were you able to move past it at all? 

Kate Smith: No. Not for a really, really long time. And. I didn’t have, there wasn’t adequate education in my school about it. I didn’t go to a particularly great school.

And I didn’t have well-informed friends. So all my education came from my friends, particularly, there was the myths and the taboos that, I remember the one really, really, really vividly at my school that you couldn’t get pregnant while you were on your period. And I genuinely thought you couldn’t get pregnant when you were on your period.

And there were some, you know. People that had had babies in my year because of that. You know, so really life changing myths and taboos actually for some people. But yeah, as a, you know, as a teenager, just co just completely feeling isolated and, you know, not able to talk to a grownup about it and all the information coming from other teenagers.

And I suppose it wasn’t until much older in my teens when I actually. I moved back in with my mum and you know, my relationship with women’s health and things really improved. Then things started to feel like, okay, I’ve got somebody that I can ask questions to, and you know, feeling the feeling of embarrassment definitely started to decline.

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s great. And then what was your period like after that? Because you said that in the beginning you had brown blood and you didn’t understand and you thought that something was wrong with you. Did you, once you were then living with your mum, you were able to ask questions, were you able to figure out what was going on?

Kate Smith: I mean, I always, my sister’s got endometriosis, so I always compared my bleeds with hers. So I always thought actually I have a really, a really good period compared to I thought hers and obviously she hasn’t been, she’s only been diagnosed recently with endometriosis. I thought hers was normal and mine was, I, you know, I was having actually a really, a really positive experience with how much pain, you know, I would see her regularly kind of passing out from pain and being sick and things like that. So I thought, you know, if I haven’t got that, then that’s great. But still, even to e even in my early twenties, I didn’t track, I didn’t know where my bleed would happen.

I didn’t know how long it would happen for. And then I kind of went into the world of contraception and my bleed was all over the place. And I kind of didn’t have enough knowledge to challenge anything the doctors were saying. So I’d gone on lots of different types of contraception. So yeah, it was just not enough information given to me and not really knowing when I should ask the questions as well. So had I have known that it is irregular to have, you know, it isn’t normal to have lots of irregular bleeding and things like that when you are the first time you’re taking contraception then I would’ve asked, but I just thought this is all kind of normal because I’m not having experience like she’s having that is awful. So I’ll just kind of get on with it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. And what’s your experience of your period now? 

Kate Smith: I feel in control. Because I teach period education, I understand all the parts of my cycle, which I think, we focus so much on the bleed because obviously that’s the bit that you see and that’s the bit that we all talk about.

But understanding the rest of my cycle and, and other people who menstruate, understand their rest of their cycle, particularly around their mental health. I know now when, you know, the week before my period, my mental health takes a dip. I’ve always struggled in and, you know, in and out different levels of poor mental health.

But I know the week before my period, if I’m feeling really, really low, that actually sometimes I’m longing for my bleed because I know then I’ll start to go back to what is my normal.

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. 

Kate Smith: So just having that empowerment in itself and then of course the, you know, the luxury of choice with products is something that has been really important to me.

And it’s, you know, that from a kid longing to use tampons. And then in my late teens, early twenties, only using tampons ’cause that’s what everybody’s used. And it was kind of cool, a cool kid on the scene, you know, using Tampax compact. But actually they hurt me. They weren’t right for me and it wasn’t until much later that using period pants makes my period so much more, not enjoyable, but you know, comfortable.

And now I would never go back from period pants because to me that’s a product that works perfectly for me. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kate Smith: So even things with product choice, you know, now is so much more empowering that I can use a product that suits me well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s so interesting, the shift from tampons to period underwear.

And I remember this when I was a teenager, that same sort of thought, oh, tampons are so cool, and yeah, I would never use a tampon now, and I would only use it if it was an absolute emergency. Like, you know, you get your period and you’re out and you’re totally unprepared. But I would and judge me or not, but I would rather use wadded up toilet paper than use a tampon.

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I just, I just hate them. But this kind of goes into a really interesting topic that I had never heard before. So the term period dignity. 

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say more about that term? I think I understand what it means. Yeah. But I just never really heard that term used before.

Yeah. So can you just say more about that? 

Kate Smith: Yeah. So. Particularly things that we focus on are period equality and period dignity. And a lot of the time the environments that we talk about, those two things are workplaces. And I think that’s because people who menstruate a lot of the time in those places feel really undignified to the lengths that they have to go to to stay in the workplace or to go to that important meeting and how they feel within themselves. You know, we’ve heard some really awful stories actually, particularly in, you know, the workplace of where people have had an experience, whether that’s an irregular bleed or you know, where they’re going through menopause or they just have irregular bleeding from another kind of mental, uh, a medical condition.

Or they’ve had a really, really heavy period, or, you know, lots of different reasons. They’ve come on their periods unexpectedly and they in the workplace and they felt so undignified. And I think everyone can resonate and most people who menstruate can resonate with I mean, even I’ve done it when I, in a previous life, when I’ve worked somewhere else.

Leaking onto an office chair is just makes you feel, you’re just thinking, I’m going to, or, you know, flooding and sitting on your office chair and thinking, do you know what, I can’t, I can’t get up because if I get up, I’m going to leave a stain on my chair and then have to bolt to the toilet and there’s going to be no products in there.

I’ve got nothing on me. I’m going to have to probably ask a colleague for help. And you know, it can become really embarrassing. You know, for everyone, but particularly people who are in management and are, have this kind of high expectation to be a certain way and to lead their team. And what does that look like?

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm.

Kate Smith: So, you know, is retaining that, that dignity and, you know, and the same with equality. We don’t want anyone to be held back by their period, regardless of what they’re doing. Whether that’s speaking up in a, in a meeting, or, participating in sports. Anything that you would be able to do if you want to do while you’re menstruating, you know, to not be that, not that, let that be a barrier, to not be equal in society. So there’s, you know, there’s that part, and then there’s the part around poverty, which is the biggest part really, of our organisation because myself, my mum, my sister, we grew up in poverty, different levels and also, you know, throughout older life as well have lived in different levels of poverty.

You know, we’ve never experienced homelessness, but there’s definitely been elements of, things being really, really hard. Actually, when you’re living on the breadline and you are working and you are looking after children and you are having to do all the things that we have to do whilst constantly worrying about how you’re going to pay the bills and feed your family, and, and that’s another massive part of not feeling dignified.

And I’m sure anyone who could, who has experienced poverty will resonate with not feeling dignified and not feeling equal in society. And, it’s only a tiny part of what we do. Well, only a tiny part of that is to be able to give someone period products who, you know, is relying on a food bank. But actually, we support food banks with reusable products.

So actually the, you know, how lovely it is to be able to give someone who’s relying on a food bank reusable period pants, particularly, you know, reusable, uh, period pants, maybe five pairs. So they’re self-sufficient when they’re menstruating and they continue to, you know, go to work and pick up the kids.

All the other things that are going on in our lives. But that’s just one tiny thing that’s kind of taken off the worry list for now. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kate Smith: And that’s, you know, where we really concentrate on the dignity for all who menstruate. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. I think that is so important. And I think there’s can be a lot of privilege in conversations around menstruation.

I’d love to get your take on this actually, you know, every year there’s Menstrual Hygiene Day and every year, inevitably people come out and they say it shouldn’t be called Menstrual Hygiene Day. But I do think, when you don’t have period dignity. So in some of the examples that you’ve given where you don’t know where you are going to get your next menstrual product from.

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Or thinking about people who are living on the bread line. They don’t necessarily have access to clean toilets. Not only in other parts of the world, but even in the UK. There is this element of hygiene there where if you don’t have anywhere to bleed, or can’t wash your underwear or 

Kate Smith: mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: Your trousers. That’s unhygienic and the, I do think there’s that privilege of saying, well, you know, we do, we, we don’t have to think about hygiene anymore, but we do. And being able to say, well actually Menstrual Hygiene Day, there’s a need for that because we still have to think about that element of having a period.

That’s my view. I would love to know your take on it.

Kate Smith: Around, particularly around hygiene or just the words that we use. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I guess it’s just like that kind of, that conversation that comes up every year on Menstrual Hygiene Day and people say, well, it should be called something different. 

Kate Smith: Okay. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Kate Smith: So with the language, we went through a huge journey with language and we do.

Shy away from using the words hygiene. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay. 

Kate Smith: Just because it, well, just because it kind of implies in a way that period blood, menstrual blood is unhygienic. Although there is obviously a massive kind of conversation about personal hygiene and, and that again is part of dignity, personal hygiene.

But we also really looked into the word sanitary and unsanitary. And you know, we try not to use the word sanitary products anymore because also that implies that period blood is unsanitary, but ultimately what period products are are to keep yourself clean. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kate Smith: So it is a, it is a kind of, there’s lots of complexities around a conversation and I really think it’s important that people use language which sits well with them.

Hmm. And whenever we talk about menstruation. And it’s the same with using the words women and girls and, and everyone who menstruates. I think it’s a journey and our language that we’ve used has been, you know, has changed and the branding has changed. And so, but obviously we still have the name hey girls… because that is our, that is where we’re from, you know, that is why we began.

Yeah, I think it’s a really difficult question. And I try and use very kind of inclusive and very non stigmatising language. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. Yeah. And I think it’s important to have these conversations. Yeah. 

Kate Smith: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: To be able to interrogate, okay, well what does this actually mean and how can we unpack these words? I completely agree with what you said around the term sanitary.

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: It drives me nuts when you go to the supermarket and you still see sanitary products. 

Kate Smith: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I want to just go back to what you said around dignity and you, when people do get their period in the workplace. 

Kate Smith: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And they’re not expecting it. I often think there are two parts of this conversation.

It’s the shame that some people can feel where, oh my gosh, I’ve got my period, people might see, and I do think that there are some people who they don’t care. They will talk about their period and oh my gosh, I just, I had a leak. And for them it’s no big deal. And I absolutely love that, but some people, they just aren’t there yet, and that’s absolutely fine. Everyone is on their own journey. But then the other side of it, where is this judgment that other people can have a, oh, look at her. She’s on her period. Oh, look at her. She’s on, she’s had a leak. Or look at them, they’ve had a leak. 

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I think, you know, there’s two parts of the conversation.

It’s the shame that people can feel, but also this fear of judgment from others and the judgment that can happen from others. And I really think about this campaign that Bloody Good Period did the charity, Bloody Good Period did a couple years ago around, you know, don’t put your tampon 

Kate Smith: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Up your sleeve.

And you know, just owning the fact that you have your period and you might have leaks and that’s just part of, part of life.

Kate Smith: Yeah. It was so, I think so empowering to allow those people who do want to share, to share, but also there are people that don’t want to share and they’ll never get to that stage where they want to and, and shouldn’t have pressure to share if you want to, you know, we always say, menstruation is, is private, but it doesn’t have to be kept secret.

So, you know, empowering those people. And, and that’s nice about the work that we do because when you start the conversation, it opens those doors for people to be able to share without any pressure. But actually the people that just want to listen and they’re not ready to share and they’re not ready to hold their tampon out proudly when they go to the loo, that’s also okay.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Kate Smith: People of of my generation and older, it was so shameful that you, they may never get there. That’s okay. But what we’re trying to do, especially for the younger generations, and you know, I have a child and she’s seven and I really, I know and hope that when she gets to that age that she won’t feel like she has to hide it away or can’t talk to me about it, or can’t talk to her friends about it and, and can’t talk to her teachers, you know, because that she’s grown up in that environment, so that will be very normal for her and I really hope that she’ll be able to support her friends who maybe still don’t live in that environment. You know, we’re never going to get there with, with everybody. But yeah. The work that Bloody Good Period did was uh, so important to allow that kind of opportunity for people to say, I’m actually all right with this. Yeah. And it, you know, the allowance that it gave people. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. I want to now touch upon period poverty. You mentioned it earlier and when I was preparing for our conversation, I was digging into some research and, again, going back to Bloody Good Period. They did a survey where they found that 24% of those who menstruate in the UK say that they’ve struggled to afford period products, and 61% said that if period products were cheaper or more free products were available, it would improve their mental health or wellbeing.

Can you talk more about period poverty and the work that hey girls… are doing in this area? 

Kate Smith: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So we were established in 2018, so we’ve been around for kind of seven, eight years now. And our model was very, very simple when we set it up for all the products that we sell. So we sell products to workplaces and to, you know, eco stores and distributors and, and we used to sell to supermarkets and everything that we sell, we donate exactly the same back into the community for free. And we work with about 400 community partners. And those community partners are a lot of the time small kind of grassroots organisations. And you know, some people, you know, may have heard of them and, and have relied on them in the past. You know, like the little food banks that run out out of churches and other kind of single parent support, support groups out of children’s centres maybe. And we link up with all those. So we have about 400 of them up and down the UK and we supply them with the free period products. Without, if we didn’t sell period products, we wouldn’t be able to donate them.

But because we sell, you know, we sell a good amount of products, we donate a huge amount of products into the community and work to about 42 million products from the beginning that we’ve donated into the community. The reason that we do that via our community partners is because they’ve got the relationships with the people in the community who are able to not only give out period products, but give them out with a little bit of education as well.

A huge part of what we do isn’t just about products, it’s about the education, the shame, the stigma, the understanding. So we’ve created educational resources and lots of other, other things that can support our community partners with working with their community about menstrual health. And we donate all of our product line. So we have, uh, disposable products, tampons and pads, but we have a full range of reusable products. So reusable pads, cups and period pants. And donating those particular products back into the community is a really lovely thing to do, although it does need to come with some education ’cause a lot of the time people will have a better experience with menstruation on a with using a reusable product just because it suits their needs a little bit better, particularly if you’ve got heavy bleeding or something like that. So that’s how we were set up back in 2018. And when we started, it was just pads.

We just used to sell pads, donate pads, and we’ve grown our product line to lots of different products now. And yeah, I’ve hit 42 million. Um, donations now. So a huge amount of really beautiful, sustainable products back into our community. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s incredible numbers and just incredible work that I know will be having such a positive impact.

Are there any stories that you can share about the impact that this work has had on, on people in their personal lives? 

Kate Smith: Yeah, there’s, I mean, we get testimonials constantly from the community. But ones that I find particularly, wonderful are for parents who ha who are really struggling. Um, and I think I resonate with that.

’cause being a parent yourself, you can understand, I mean, I’m in a very privileged position where I don’t struggle, but financially, but to be a parent struggling financially and all you want is the best for your child. And to be able to say, I went to my local support group and picked up some reusable pants, and kids tend to love period pants, don’t know why I honestly think it’s ’cause they don’t have to change their period products at school. Because I even remember as a kid myself, that was just a whole thing in itself. And they’re either struggling with their period for X, Y, Z or they have some sensory processing disorders around menstruating.

And that has made such a difference to a week of their, you know, a week out of the month of their lives that they find really hard. And actually as a parent to be able to give that to your kids and knowing it as well, that you kind of, the financial burden of having to purchase period products, um, that maybe weren’t suitable for your child or whatever has made a real difference to that kid.

And I think that is just, that keeps me going.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm.

Kate Smith: It’s really hard to run a social enterprise. It’s really hard to run hey girls…. So seeing, you know, those testimonials come in. Just think, okay, this is why we’re doing it. And I make sure that I send them round to our team ’cause you know, we all work incredibly hard and that is what keeps us going.

Actually, you are making a difference to that person and just making things, as I say, a world of absolute chaos, making a tiny bit of their world just a little bit better, I think is, is really lovely. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. That’s amazing. And I think you, when you think about the reusable products, they, they can be a little bit more in terms of cost 

Kate Smith: yeah, 

Le’Nise Brothers: compared to disposable period products. But then if you think about the over the long run where you know that actually I don’t have to go and buy a 10 box of pads or tampons every single menstrual month. It’s just, you know that it’s there. You know you don’t, you are never going to run out, the period underwear, the cup, the reusable pad, it’s always going to be there. And yeah, okay. Over time you might have to replace them, but it’s not something that’s going to play on your mind. And then someone who’s living in poverty in 

Kate Smith: mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: The various levels of poverty, to know that that’s not something that they have to calculate. Yeah. Or it’s incredible.

Kate Smith: Yeah. It’s just one less thing that you have to put in your shopping basket. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm.

Kate Smith: And that’s what we want. As I’m sure people who have experienced, you know, living on the breadline, you look at your shopping basket and you think, what can I put back? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kate Smith: And it, and your period products go back and your shampoo goes back ’cause I can wash my hair with washing up liquid. Those things all go back, all your kind of luxuries if you will. And you stick to your basics. But actually, if you don’t, if there’s one of those items that you don’t have to worry about, then brilliant. You can still go on and buy your pasta and your potatoes and all the things that you need to, feed your family.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Hey girls… is the company that you are, the CEO and co-founder of is a social enterprise and it puts its social mission of eradicating period poverty, improving access to quality products, and increasing menstrual education at the heart. 

Kate Smith: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say, firstly, what a social enterprise is for someone who might not be familiar with that?

Kate Smith: So it’s a great question. And if everyone could buy from a social enterprise, the world would be a better place. A social enterprise is an organisation that’s set up to do good. And that good looks different for lots of different social enterprises, but ultimately your, you have a commitment to support your planet and to support your community.

And we’re also a CIC, which was something, something that was really important to Mum when she set up hey girls… in 2018 with me to be a CIC and a not-for-profit. So being a CIC means that we have to serve our community, community interest company. And we do that via our donations and our education. And that is, you know, the heart of everything we do.

So any partnership, any campaign, we go back to our mission and our vision, and that is to end period poverty in the UK. And if it’s not on mission, then we’re not doing it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm.

Kate Smith: So it really keeps us focused and the running, running a business for good. So that goes from everything to, the hand soap that we use, the pens that we buy, the support that we give the people that work for us, offering school hours.

Everything that you can do just to make your business that much more friendly to your community, to your planet, going through. So much work to make sure that we’re providing sustainable period products. And that’s been a whole journey within itself. There’s a lot of conversation and controversy about sustainability within period products to be on that journey, making sure that we’re making, ’cause we’re donating, you know, millions of period products back into the community, therefore into landfill, making sure that they’re not going to be there for 800 years. You know, we make sure that our pads biodegrade in 90 days and we have, you know, that’s part of our, our commitment to being a social enterprise that we do.

We do social good. And that also applies to, our, the world that we live in and the world that we’re trying to look after. Yeah, it’s a it, and that’s why I say, hey girls… is incredibly hard, a hard organisation to run because a lot of the time, the choices that you have to make to run a, a business doing good are not good business decisions.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm.

Kate Smith: It would be much easier. If we were, you know, a for-profit organisation, big corporate conglomerate, but it, you know, it’s not who we are. It’s not why we exist, and we want to, go to bed at night knowing that actually the decisions that we’ve made are all for our mission and, you know, social good.

So yeah, that’s what makes us also quite a special organisation. And obviously I’m very biased, but passionate about it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s really refreshing when you know, you are, you’re hearing about all of these other companies who are just focused on profits and yes, shareholder benefits and dividends to have a company that is focused on social good, the good of the community, and how they can give back and make business decisions that aren’t driven by profit. Yeah, it’s extremely refreshing. I’m just really excited that we’re able to have this conversation today and I can spotlight the work that you’re doing and just to now move on to a really interesting campaign that you recently launched with This Girl Can, which focuses on low cost ways of moving during each phase of the menstrual cycle.

Can you say a little bit more about this campaign, why it’s important and the impact that you’ve seen so far from it? 

Kate Smith: Yeah. I think it’s been one of my favourite campaigns that we’ve ever done because it really does get to, I think that, as we’ve said, kind of period health and women’s health and even things when we, talking about menopause relies on a certain amount of privilege.

It either relies on sometimes private healthcare or financial backing. Or, you know, something that is just out of reach for some people. Whereas the campaign that we did with this girl can was getting the information via our community partners. So we used our community partner network to be able to feed the information into people who we know wouldn’t have that necessarily, that privilege, um, to have the information and empowering them about understanding their menstrual cycle.

That’s the kind of. That’s the top line. The aim to understand your menstrual cycle and understand tracking and why it’s so important to track your menstrual cycle for all you know, to spot medical conditions, to spot your mental health conditions, to understand what’s normal, quote unquote, and what not normal and why you need to get the support, but actually to encourage people to move in a way that works well for them.

And again, movement around menstruation as. My personal opinion has always been kind of shrouded with this awful, toxic positivity, you know, with the white shorts and, and it’s not like that for a lot of people and you don’t have to take up tennis, but sometimes going for a gentle walk or just meeting up with some friends and going for a really gentle jog just for a little bit or something that works for you and that was in is, is in your comfort zone, can actually make you feel so much better in certain phases of your cycle and really encouraging, you know, particularly young people that you can move if you want to when you are bleeding.

I can’t remember the statistics, but I even remembered it when I was at school, a lot of the kids who get their periods are like, that’s it. I can’t do PE anymore. I can’t do any form of exercise. And sometimes you don’t want to, and that’s cool. You know, you don’t have to, but you can with the right period protection.

And sometimes actually doing a bit of gentle stretching or gentle exercise will make you feel better. It will ease those cramps. It will kind of give you those endorphins to make, give you a little bit of a boost and you can still participate and be with your mates. So it. It was doing that and what this girl can was so, you know, did so beautifully and, and hopefully my community feel that as well is to do that in a really non-toxic way, in a really kind of nurturing way that is quite soft that actually, and when you’re tracking your cycle, there are particular movements that you can do to help how you’re feeling within that cycle. So, kind of pinpointing when different activities fit in better with your cycle, and just that bit of knowledge and people may do it and build it into their routine and people may, you know, just do it ad hoc when they feel like they need a bit of something extra.

And we just did that via social media you know, leaflets and posters and other resources that were really kind of accessible for people and that they could just engage with and, and hopefully come back to us and say, do you know what, this has made a little bit of a difference and that’s enough.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Kate Smith: And, you know, I’m not, we’re not changing lives. We we’re not, making earth shattering changes, but to make a little bit of a difference, to make somebody feel just a little bit better within their day, then that’s amazing. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You said that it’s not earth shattering, you’re not changing lives, but for it can be life changing for someone who, 

Kate Smith: yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers: Is used to being bound, bedbound during their period to realise that actually they can do like a few stretches and that can actually make a difference to how they feel. I’m thinking about people with endometriosis where they feel like they, if they have to stay in one position, and it can lead to a lot of stiffness, and if they do some gentle stretches.

It can actually be incredibly helpful. And it’s that mental shift of, okay, I don’t, I am not stuck to my bed, you know? Yeah. I can move around a little bit and it can be okay. And that mental shift can be life changing. 

Kate Smith: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: For some, so I say this because I don’t necessarily want you to feel like you don’t

Kate Smith: Oh, I know.

Le’Nise Brothers: minimise the work that you’re doing. 

Kate Smith: Yeah. Thank you. That’s really kind. Yeah. It can, and, and also it is a really important point that, you know, menstruation. It really can be life changing. You know, there is a very dark side to menstruation, you know, particularly around mental health. You know, it, it really can be life changing for some people.

So to be able to support those people is, there are people who have, have heard stories and, and even have a friend has PMDD. So it is really, really, you know, really struggled. And actually even just the realisation that you’ve got that and getting a diagnosis can be life changing so that you can, you know, make the changes that you need to change or get the support that you need to get, to be able to cope with, the things that are going on.

And, and the same with endometriosis and, and other medical conditions that people do need to adapt their lives and change their circumstances and to give them an opportunity to be seen and you know, heard. And I think one of the most important things that we talk about in our sessions is actually believing people.

You know, if somebody’s saying I am in so much pain I cannot move. Actually being like, okay, I believe you. Yes you are. I think that’s, you know, just making people feel like they’re being valued and not dismissed. And I think, you know, we’ve come from a world where we lived in a very put up and shut up environment, particularly around menstruation.

You just keep calm and carry on. And we, but we shouldn’t have to do that. And I think that allowance for people to just be like, do you know what, Nope, I am not carrying on like this. And that is absolutely fine. So encouraging people to get the right support is something that yeah, a, a smaller part of obviously ’cause there’s not huge amount of people that have life changing circumstances around menstruation. But supporting that the small community of people that do is one of the really, really important bits of our work. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. I, and I’m sure it’s just, it’s so, it’s so helpful. What’s coming up next for hey girls…?

Kate Smith: I’m sure all people who run businesses can understand business is tough. Particularly at the moment. You know, things are hard. Social, running a social enterprise is hard. So at the moment we are just carrying on, and pushing. A huge piece of work that we’re doing is within the workplace that’s, you know, way I’ve mentioned that being such a important part of our work at the moment.

And really empowering workplace, you know, provide us to put period provision in their workspaces and doing a lot around period dignity and equality in the workplace is where we’re really focusing. You know, still doing a lot of work with the, with our community partners, still sending out a lot of donations.

And we are going to clo, we’re going to close for Christmas for the first time ever. So that’s something that’s really nice for us all to have a break. I think it’s really important. This year has been really tough. Mm. And I think everyone, I want everyone to have a break and come back really refreshed and ready to take on 2026.

And take that, you know, by the horns and, and keep, keep going. Keep pushing, keep getting those donations out. Keep bringing those sales in. That’s what we’re going to do. Yeah. Uh, that, that’s it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Fantastic. What’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with today? 

Kate Smith: I think, to go back to the beginning, to go back to if you’ve had a negative experience with menstruation, don’t let that define the rest of your experience with menstruation? I’ve had, I mean, there’s some bits that I haven’t spoken about today because I can’t. I’ve had some really, really negative experiences, really shameful and look where I am now. All I do all day, every day is talk about menstruation. You know, don’t let that define how you’re going to think about menstruation forever. And if you are struggling and feeling shameful and embarrassed and there are people, find your community. There are people out there who want you to talk to them about it and get the right support. It’s just finding that person. And a lot of the time, as soon as you start the conversation, somebody will grab it and, and go and run with you. And that’s really lovely. And I’m sure we’ve all had that, you know, with a friend or when you’ve kind of started that and they’ve gone, oh yeah, I’ve had that. And then you kind of just feel that little bit lighter. And I think that’s really beautiful. That’s something that’s a really lovely thing to, for people to be able to do.

So yeah, that’s, that’s it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Great. Where can people find out more about hey girls… and the work that you do. 

Kate Smith: It’s just www.heygirls.co.uk. We’ve got a website which has got everything you can ever need. Products, education contact details if you want to buy products for your workplace. Uh, you can always email me kate@heygirls.co uk if you want to chat more.

But yeah, there’s everything that you know, we’ve got time of the month leaflets, we’ve got Pads for Dads leaflets. We did a beautiful campaign in collaboration with Michael Sheen. And probably, you know, subconsciously was off the back of my experience with my dad to create education for men, for those people that don’t have a menstrual cycle to be able to support young people with with puberty and with products and with all those other things that come at that time of your life. So yeah, there’s um, there’s the Pads for Dads campaign on there so any people that don’t menstruate but are listening and they have somebody in their lives that they think actually I need to go and learn about this. We really encourage people to, um, ’cause you will have somebody that you love in your life that has a menstrual cycle and that might need you to be informed and educated as well. So there’s all sorts of things on there for everybody. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Right, Pads for Dads. Immediately that’s just stuck in my mind. Yeah, I love that.

Kate Smith: It’s, it’s a lovely campaign. I put my husband on the front of the leaflet. And I really hope that when my little girl gets to that time in her life, that it’ll be my husband and not me who has the conversation with her ’cause I think that’s, I think the relationship between a, a dad and a daughter is really special.

Yeah. Um, and I love the thought that dads are, with our resources now, staying part of that really close relationship and supporting kids through, so I think, yeah. Something that’s lovely. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Great. Thank you so much for your time today, Kate. It’s been wonderful speaking to you and all the links to everything you mentioned will be in the show notes and I really encourage everyone to go check those out.

Kate Smith: Lovely. Thank you so much for having me. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 100, Dija Ayodele: We All Have The Potential To Win

Season 11 of the podcast is here! I’m excited to share that my guest for episode 100 (!!!) of the podcast is Dija Ayodele, the acclaimed skin care expert, entrepreneur, founder of the award winning Black Skin Directory, author of the global bestselling Black Skin – The Definitive Skincare Guide and co-founder of CLICKED!, a confidence boosting AI powered skin health tool built to make skincare less confusing.

In this episode, Dija shares: 

  • How having a drama-free period proved to be helpful after her family moved to London from Sierra Leone in 1994
  • The Julia Roberts Pretty Woman moment she had when she was trying to get her first book, Black Skin published
  • What she would add into the book, four years on
  • Why she’s begun coaching other skincare professionals who are the start of their journey
  • How her new business, CLICKED! will help you understand your skin, your skincare concerns and give you back control over your skin
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Dija says that every time you do things your way and in a way that’s authentic to you, you will never fail. She says that even if you don’t get the results that you were expecting or wanted, you’re still going to get the results that you need. Dija says that with core self-belief, you will still be able to succeed.

Thank you, Dija!

Get in touch with Dija:

Dija Ayodele

Black Skin Directory

Black Skin – The Definite Skincare Guide

CLICKED!

Instagram

Substack


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Dija. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I’m really excited to speak to you and tap into all of your incredible knowledge about skincare and beauty.

But let’s start by getting into the question that I ask all of my guests, which is tell us the story of your first period.

Dija Ayodele: For sure. I will. And obviously. Also, thank you for having me. I know we’ve, this has been a long time coming, so I’m really pleased to, to be here. So first period, um, I was 10 maybe.

Yeah, 10. I was born in Sierra Leone, so I was living out in Sierra Leone. And I. I remember it was a weekend. It had to have been a weekend because I was at my cousin’s house, um, who’s pretty much like a sister to me, and she’s five years older than me and I was in her room, so I know that like I’d gone to bed in her room.

So we, we, she had a massive double bed and I’d share her bed when I was there on the weekend. So that’s why, because I wasn’t over my period didn’t start in my own house. So I was there, it was in the morning, if I remember. And. There was a bathroom adjacent. You know, you wake up in the morning, you go for a wee, everybody does that, right?

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Um, and she’d gone in and she was sat on the toilet, or, well, she sat on the bidet one anyway, there was a, there was a toilet bowl and there was a bidet as well. My auntie was bougie like that. So, so anyway, I’d gone in and want to use the toilet as well, or I’d sort of been desperate to use the toilet, so.

She either she was sat on the bidet and the toilet was free, or she was sat on the toilet and the bidet was free. Either way we went. I went in and both of us were in the toilet. So I sit down, I take down my pants and I’m like, oh my God. Blood. And. And she like looks, and I think I, I knew what it was ’cause I’d had the talk.

And her her mom is a midwife, so like in my family we have we have a professional in the family for everything. Like we have a lawyer, so an uncle who’s a lawyer, an uncle who is like, I don’t know, a rice supplier, a businessman. We’ve got someone who’s a. A medical person. My mom is a chef, so she’s like the caterer of the family.

So my auntie’s the designated medical person in the family. And obviously I was at her house, so, I believe my cousin stroke, I call her my sister she gets up, she obviously pulls her hands up and washes her hands and all that sort of stuff. Um, and she runs to get her mom who, who then comes with, pads and all that sort of stuff. And I think it was very much like I, I am like the last girl of our generation in the family. So it was very, um, if I think about it, it was very like poignant, I guess. I do all that cleanup.

And I remember going to the breakfast table and my uncle was there. Favorite uncle? I used to call him dad. He is passed away now, sadly. And he’s like, congratulations. This is like, and I just, the reason why I say this point, because I, I feel, I remember them making a bit of a. Big deal, but quiet, big deal about it.

It wasn’t like balloons and shit. Excuse my French, but it was, um. It was like, congratulations, like you’ve kind of entered this new world. And I, if I was at their house at the weekend, it meant my mom was at work. My mom used to run a hotel, so it meant she was at work. And. Do you know what? I don’t know who told her.

I don’t think it was me. Uh, but I think when she came back that evening, ’cause she’d always come back in the evening, her and her sister really close, so she’d always come back for dinner in the evening, even if she had to go back to the hotel. And I, she kind of gave me a hug and then I don’t think anything was really kind of mentioned about it, only because that might have been like maybe the start of the school summer holidays.

And so this was in 1994. Yeah. Um, so I was just about to turn 11 ’cause I turned 11 in 94, so I wasn’t, I was 10, but, but closer to 11. And the reason why I say it started school summer holidays, ’cause I don’t actually really remember having my periods in Sierra Leone because we moved to London in 94 because of the Civil War.

So it, I don’t even actually remember having maybe even two periods in Sierra Leone. So that’s why, I mean, like, it must have been the start of the summer holidays. ’cause pretty soon after that. Maybe the July or sometime that month we came to England, and obviously I’d never went back to Sierra Leone to live after that.

I mean, I’ve been to visit loads of times, but I never went back to live after that. So I don’t actually really remember like a history of monthly periods in Sierra Leone. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Right. And so then when you moved to London, what was your experience of your period like in London as an 11-year-old? 

Dija Ayodele: I mean, it was pretty quiet.

You know, like it’s just something that happened every month. It was pretty quiet. I tended to have quite light periods, thankfully. And I say thankfully, like it’s. If you don’t have light periods, it’s a bad thing. That was just my experience. And knowing who I am is thankful for me. And so yeah, it was pretty non-eventful.

I just remember like my older cousin who we all lived with you know, every month they put sanitary towels in the shopping basket. I think I remember kind of not having access to the same sanitary towel, the, the sanitary towels I wanted. Do you know what I mean? And I just had bog standard, you know, they weren’t even like the foldy ones.

They were just the long ones. But also like when I think back, you know. We had come from a very wealthy family, and the Civil War had basically kicked us out of Sierra Leone and we were all, like six of us living like in a two bedroom council flat. Money was tight, so not like my daughter now where I’m like, do you like the ones with the wings?

Do you like this one? You know, my, my daughter gets like full whack of choices. I just remember it was like bog standards, nothing fancy, but they were sanitary products to use. So it was pretty kind of, I think our lives were so slightly chaotic because of all the civil War stuff that happened that there wasn’t really time to kind of get emotional or hung up about stuff and because.

The reason why I say thankfully because my periods, didn’t cause me any problems. So there was no need for any hoo-ha, you know? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Right. 

Dija Ayodele: Because they didn’t cause me any problems. And thankfully for the situation, we were in one less problem to deal with. You know, if I was a kid who was having like mad period pains and I couldn’t go to school and you know, that would’ve just been another problem on top of all the problems we had. In our family at the time. So now when I look back on it, it’s like, well, thankfully it just came and went quietly every month and no drama. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And did it continue to be like that? So as you say, no drama as you went into your twenties and thirties? 

Dija Ayodele: Pretty much, yeah, I went to uni.

No drama at all. I did go on contraception, I think when I was about 16, mainly because of other reasons, not because of my periods. Mm-hmm. Um, and yeah, it was completely not dramatic, like literally two, three days over and done with didn’t really get any period pains. I think, I want to say it was after kids, I probably started having period pain.

And it was so foreign. It was so foreign. I remember, I want to say maybe after my son, I had a coil fitted and you know, the coils have a lifetime span. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Um, and it must have been coming to its end and I didn’t realise I’d forgotten I had had it, or I had forgotten it had a lifespan. It must’ve been coming to an end.

So I started getting all these aches and pains and oh my God, I thought there was something wrong. I really thought. There is something wrong. Right? Turned out it was period pain. I just didn’t realise. I didn’t know it was period pain because I had never really experienced it. Maybe the old cramp here or there, but never experienced them.

Looking back, I remember one day just curled up on the sofa and it was because this bloody IUD had the, the hormone in it had finished. So it was, you know, so I was getting all the cramps and stuff associated and I’d started spotting and, and I went back and I was like, oh my God, maybe it might be my coil.

And I read and, and I read it and I found the book. And like, and I looked at it and I said, yeah, five years lifespan. It had been like five, just over five years since I had it. I was like, oh. And I called the doctor like, yeah, you need to get it replaced. I was like, oh, I didn’t know that. So, I have to say, you know, from a period point of view, I’ve had it, it is been pretty kind of straightforward.

And I see like my sister have like horrible period pains and stuff like that. So again, I’m like thankful I have so much stuff going on in my life that. I would hate for this to be another issue. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm.

Dija Ayodele: That’s why I’m always like, thankful that you know, you girl, you, you just don’t have bandwidth for more issues.

Like you just don’t have that kind of bandwidth. So let’s, let’s keep it as it is. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And now that you are in your forties, would you say that. It’s, it’s still the same. So you have, it’s drama free, you have the coil, it is what it is, and it comes and goes. 

Dija Ayodele: I don’t have a period, but 

Le’Nise Brothers: you don’t have a period. 

Dija Ayodele: I don’t have, my periods were that light, that by the time I had a coil, I, I have a coil because I don’t want to have any more kids.

I’m done with my two. So my periods are that light that I don’t have, have a bleed if you like. Though I do experience and I always only know after the fact, I do experience PMS, where I’m just a bit more irritable and, and bloated. And, and the older I’ve got the sort of more I’ve tuned into the fact that yeah, this is actually PMS, this is probably when you would’ve had a period.

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Um, if, if you were, like, if your flow was heavy enough for you to have a period, this is when it would’ve been. ’cause I am irritable, I feel a bit spotty. You know, you just feel a bit blah. Um, and I get that for a few days and then I’m like, fine after I can feel myself, cl. I physically feel myself and mentally climb out of it.

And I’m like, and as I, as I say, the older I’ve got, the more I’ve gone. That’s PMS, that’s what it is. That’s why you are a ratty cow. I see. You know, so yeah, it’s, it’s that, that I get now, but I don’t actually, again, like I say, with the amount of things I’ve got ongoing all the time. I am very grateful not to be faffing around with pads in my bag and tampons, and I’m, I am so super grateful 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah.

Dija Ayodele: For that, only because of how I know my life is. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. It’s not a bad thing for, you know, at, at all. And if I had it, I’d, I’d be fine. I’d cope, not a big deal, but I’m also, two things can be true. I’m also grateful that it’s not my portion. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. So given your relatively drama free experience as you described it, of having a period, is there anything that you are now sharing with your daughter who is experiencing having a period or about to have a period?

Dija Ayodele: I think the most thing for me is just that empathy. Um, in terms of, I have obviously pretty much a pain-free, drama-free period experience, and sometimes she does say, oh, I’ve got cramps and that sort of thing. I think she might have been only like maybe year and a half into her periods, so things are still sort of settling down for her.

I just have that empathy that yes, you might not have had all these feelings and experiences and pain or whatever, but other people do. And I’m trying to make sure she’s comfortable and she can speak up about because again, the other, like I say, the other reason why I’m thankful that when I was her age that my peers didn’t cause a problem.

’cause I don’t think I would, I, I don’t think I would’ve been able to speak up about it because there was so much going on, politically for our family and so much stuff that. And I was aware of, I was aware of how we’d, if you like, fallen, we were the family that used to come to London on holidays a couple times a year, first class.

We’d have expensive apartments. We’d shop at Harrods and now we were living in a two bedroom flat in like in the council estate basically. So, you know, I was aware that. We had issues.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Um, so I don’t think I would’ve been able to speak up and obviously like my mom wasn’t there, so I don’t think I would’ve been able to speak up to be like, oh yeah, I feel like, you know, I feel shit or whatever.

Whilst with my daughter, I give her the full, full runway to be like, I don’t feel great. I’ve got period pain and I’ll make sure that my husband is well aware. She doesn’t feel good. She’s got her period pain. She her, she’s got her period. You need to be mindful that, especially like if she’s like snappy, um, I’m like.

Appropriate behaviour for a preteen with periods leave her alone. So I am a big defender of her right to be, you know, if you say you defend her shitty behaviour. No, I’m a, I’m just a big defender. I’m, I’m just like, let her be free. Um, she’s a Black girl as well. Let her be free. So I’m aware of that. So I you sometimes you can say I’m super, maybe she might say I’m overly in her business.

You know, I’ll be like, oh, do you fancy these pads? What about these pads? You know, and she’s just like, they’re pads. You know, the other day I bought like brand new, like a different design of pads and I kind of made sure, which no one did for me necessarily, but she’s got like her little emergency kit in her bag, you know, in her school bag.

She’s got period pads, she’s got wipes. She’s got, uh, headache, pain tablets, painkillers, and stuff like that, you know, which I don’t think that, so I, I guess I, maybe I overcompensate because I feel like maybe this is what should have happened for me, but didn’t happen because of everything else that was going on.

So I just give her bandwidth to be who she is. Supply the hot water bottle, snacks in bed. You know, all those things. All the things I think are nice things basically. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. Amazing parenting. 

Like it’s all the things that 

Dija Ayodele: I try. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. If you had been experiencing what she had been experiencing.

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You what you might have wanted. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I wish I had someone bringing me snacks in bed. 

Dija Ayodele: She’s lucky I work from home. Right. I’m always like at home. So, um, but yeah, you, I, I, you know, I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years and that is my parenting style. I, everything I, I, I, I feel I didn’t get, I make sure that the children get, um, and again, that’s why I say I’m thankful that my periods were not, were drama free because not only would I have struggled to ask for what I needed, and I think at that age also, you don’t know what you need. You need someone to be there volunteering. Do you want a back rub, hot water bottle? You need all of that, right? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: So, because you don’t know what you need, there’s no manual that comes with having your periods.

That is my parenting style to provide all the things. And because I wouldn’t have been able to speak up about what I need or know what I need or wouldn’t have the confidence that what I needed would’ve been provided because there were frankly other problems. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Um, I try and like make sure that she has all those things.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Dija Ayodele: And I make sure that my son understands like, leave your sister alone. She’s not feeling great, blah, blah, blah. I make sure he understands well. He’s seven. So I’m like, you know, you. You know, you have to know about these things. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Speaking about bandwidth, that’s a word that you used a lot and you have a lot going on and I, when I was prepping for our conversation today, I was like, wow, she really does have a lot going on.

So I want to start by talking about your book. So you’re the author of a global bestselling book, like let’s just global bestselling book. 

Dija Ayodele: Thank you. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Black Skin, the Definitive Skincare Guide, which came out about. 4 years ago. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. Yeah. 21. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. About four years ago. Yeah. So take us back to the beginning.

Why I, I mean, this is for me, this is a rhetorical question. 

Dija Ayodele: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: But I’m going to ask it anyway. 

Dija Ayodele: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you talk about the need to write a comprehensive skincare guide for Black women and women of color? 

Dija Ayodele: There is a bit of, I’ll show you in moments with this book. Um, think Julia Roberts pretty Woman.

She goes back in the shop and she’s like, big mistake. Big, big mistake. I have that recurring theme in my life. The last sort of consumer focused skincare book that was written or geared towards women of color and Black women specifically was in the seventies by Naomi Sims. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm.

Dija Ayodele: Um, in the seventies. And since that time. We have had other books, skincare books, beauty books, you know, published by a lot of people who are my friends, non-Black, they’re white, Asian or whatever, published. And it’s like, well, where’s the one for Black women? You know? Or the one that specifically speaks culturally as well.

And I’d spent a little bit of time helping other people write their books when they wanted to kind of be inclusive. Hey, Dij, what can I write for this? Tell me about Black skin. And, you know, I’m like, well, I’m contributing, you know, paragraphs and chapters to you lots books. And, but I, I don’t have a, a book deal or anything like, what’s going on with that?

And I also never thought I would write a book or I could write a book. Um, and I was just toddling along, contributing to other people’s books. You know, they’d ask a question, are we all colleagues and whatnot? Um, but then I got approached by a publisher who is not the publisher I published with, and, you know, I went for the meeting.

I wrote the proposal. And it then became within my reach, and then they ghosted me as in like silence, absolute silence, diddly squat, silence. And I’m at that. I’m that person who’s always like, you are not treating me like that. There’s just no way. So I started emailing, like it took three months to get an answer after obviously by this time I knew they weren’t going to go ahead with me, but it took three months. It took me finally emailing her Black assistant to be like, you can’t treat people like this. And I just kind of figured you are Black and I’m Black sister. Like, get me an answer. I didn’t, I didn’t say all of that, but obviously she knew who I was and we knew that we were each other, we were from the same heritage.

Um. So I finally get an answer. Thank you so much. But you know, we just aren’t. And I was like, how fucking dare you? Like who the hell do you think you are? So I then started researching like my own, like finding an agent and all that sort of stuff. And everyone kind of goes to me, everyone kind of said, well there’s already a book on the market for Black women called Palette.

And we say, we don’t really think that you know, this would do well, blah, blah, blah. I’ve got still got one email actually that was quite. Quite terrible in email. Like if I was to publish that email, that would make some people squirm. I keep all the receipts. Then George Floyd died, was murdered rather.

And obviously everyone remembered that, you know, oh, Black people, blah, blah, blah. So, I’m on the phone one night with a colleague, quite a senior colleague who’s white. And she’s like, Dej, why have you never written a book? I went, well, you know what? Today’s the day I said, I tell her everything. I said, this is why I’ve never written a book.

I said, actually, I’ve been trying actually, but everyone keeps ghosting me. All the publishers, everybody, agents, they ghost me. They send me emails and say, no, not for us, and blah, blah, blah. And she said, well, I know someone. And anyway, she, that must have been like, I want to say September. September after George Floyd, um, passed away.

And basically by October I had a book deal, a very good one. I never had any meetings with any publishers. Um, I had a manager. I had, I ended up having a literary manager who was just like, and this is your book deal. And because funny enough, my book had already been written, so by the time I actually got that deal and I signed it in the October without any sales meeting, no pitching, no nothing because I’d written about 30,000 words already my book was pretty much, I got the deal. And the book was pretty much finished in December. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Wow. 

Dija Ayodele: So it was finished basically almost a year before it was published. And then we obviously went into editing and all of that, but I had pretty much given two fingers through everybody and go, well, I’m going to self-publish.

’cause the whole time I was like, I’m self-publishing. So the reason why I’d written 30,000 words, ’cause I was like, I, I thought I was going to self-publish it. Um, so by the time it was like almost like, well, it’s a half baked book. She just needs to finish the rest of the chapters. Um, and then it was like two books split into one.

’cause as you can see, one part was like, there’s a history side side of it and then there’s a practical side of it. And then there were all these discussions, like I said, well, is it two books? Do we just separate it into two books? How do we weave it all together? Um, but that’s how like. The book came about and I remember initially like it would just be a UK publish, and I was like, no, my book must be published globally.

I really believe that people around the world are going to love it and, and be useful around the world um, they sort of stamped their feet a bit. No, no, no, no. And then I remember I was driving and my manager called me and he was like, look, yeah, book’s going published, going, going global.

We’re going to do Australia, New Zealand, South Africa. I was really gutted that there was no West Africa. ’cause obviously I’m Sierra Leonian, west Africa, I’m half Nigerian as well. But the infrastructure just doesn’t exist though. Some, some retailers, some booksellers in Nigeria did pick it up. But they could like just, there wasn’t like a formal process for them.

Not like South Africa has a formal process, Ireland has a formal process, or America has a formal process. In the week it was released in America, it was the number one selling book for my arm of that publisher in America that week. It just had like a massive spike. And it’s paid back its advance.

So like a lot of books never pay back their advance. At all. It’s paid back in advance. I get royalties now. So thank you guys. Thank you everyone for, for purchasing and putting me in a position to receive royalties now from my book, because again, I was warned that so many books don’t ever do that. Again, books about women of color that are not, that are nonfiction. Do you know what I mean? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: It’s like they don’t reach that stage. Um, but it did. My publisher ended up winning an award for the marketing for the, of the book that was done so. But again, so I, I, you know, I do have moments where I think about the other publisher and I went and I go big mistake.

Big, big, big, big. You should have followed through, so, yeah. Um, so yeah, and it continues, like, uh, skincare education around Black skin is still sorely missing, especially in colleges and educational establishments. Up until last week I was talking to a college about it and I sent them some books. Um, you know, it’s still a thing, it’s still a thing, it’s still a missing thing.

But we only change it through grassroots education. So that’s why I’m always happy to send a school library a copy because that’s how we change it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. So four years on, when you look back on your book, and I, I asked this question because actually I was looking at my book yesterday and I was thinking, oh, I would change that.

I would add this, I would add that. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So four years on, what would you change and what would you, what would you add into your book? 

Dija Ayodele: Four years on. I mean, it’s so funny ’cause the other day I found out that, um, some learning machines were, had, had basically studied my book and were using it on AI. I don’t mind, I don’t have beef with it.

All I know is that I look at my book and I go, oh, I’d change that. I’d change that. So if you are basically teaching your learning machine on something that the author themselves thinks it’s out of date, then more fool you really. Of course I would change things like some of the, like basics, product recommendations and stuff like that, because I think those change over time, products get retired and get updated and all that. I would change that. But what I would do, you know what I would, it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be what I’d change. It’d be what I would add actually. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: So we are now in what I call a new inclusive era. And I think a lot of people, a lot of people read my book and buy my book because like they want to create their own skincare lines and skincare products and they want to learn about Black skin and all that.

And, and I’m talking specifically about, about Black founders and I believe that we are now in a new inclusive era whereas a Black founder, you also need to cater for people who are not Black. Um, especially if you are a Black founder who has dreams of scaling and you know taking over the world, you know, investment investments and all that kind of stuff, venture capital, I always say venture capitalists will sell to dogs. They don’t care. However, they, so long as you can make them back 10, 20 times the money they’ve invested in you. So if you decide, if you decide to build, brands are focused solely on Black people, you’ve already cut massive, massive amounts of people out of your market and therefore you will struggle.

We see it now, right? We see Black founders struggling now because the products aren’t. Be so they focus their whole product life on the demographics. And I always say, think about psychographics, think about what unites us, whether you are Black, white, pink, or blue. Think about those things. For me, one of the most sort of vivid things about it was I was in San Francisco.

I had a curly wig on. This, and I ended up speaking to her quite nicely. She’s a lovely woman. She told me a lot about herself. She was a white Jewish woman with thick, curly hair, the same texture as my wig and she came up to me, she said, what do you use to make your curls so juicy? And I was like, this is in my head.

I was like, this is what we need to be doing. Her money, her green dollar is as green as my dollar. Why do I, why wouldn’t I want to take her dollar if I was a business person, right? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: So, and I always say to the, I would add a chapter in about the new inclusive world we live in now, and how, if you are, I’ve always been interested in the business of beauty.

Not just beauty, but the business side of it. If you are serious about creating businesses and, and wealth for yourself and for the Black community as well. Make sure you are creating products that suit not just us, but other people. Be cultural at heart for sure. I’m not saying, hmm, I’m not saying lose your culture.

But look at things that unite us as well so that you can create the biggest marketing pool for yourself and customer pool for yourself as possible. So that’s what I’d add in. I’d add in some, I guess, maybe some wise words about the business world. Which is why when I’m thinking about my next book, it’s, it, it’s, it’s much more around, um, those kind of concepts.

It’s, it’s, it wouldn’t be solely focused. I think we definitely needed a book like Black Skin, but I think for me, my next venture into publishing will be much more rounded. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So next venture, as in this is a thought that you’re having or you, you are already, you’ve got the outline, the proposal.

Dija Ayodele: No, no, I have titbits. I’ve, you know, when you, I’m a writer at heart, I’ve always been a writer, so I was about eight. I’ve always written and so I have titbits. Um, I definitely feel I’m getting, like if you asked me this question maybe two years ago, I’d be like, I have no clue. Like. Like for another book, you know, people, ’cause I think when you, you probably get this, when you write one book, people always like, so what’s your next book?

What’s your next book? People always are like, when you coming out with the next one? And maybe, maybe up till maybe 18 months ago, I’d be like, I have no clue. Like I have no plans to write another book. But next thing I, I do, I am much more, I feel I’m much more closer to a book now than I was before. But I also think that I need a couple more experiences. So I feel like I’m probably going down a more bio biography book rather than, but more of an educational one, rather. It’s not like this is my entire life on a plate, but more about the things that I’ve experienced personally, that can inform a business lens.

I’m closer. I can feel and touch it better now than I could maybe 18 months ago, but I still need, I, I still need a couple of things to come and go before I can finally commit to paper. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. That’s interesting. ’cause you can, I think with writing and books specifically, because it’s such a long process or can be a long process, you really need to have that.

I, I personally feel you need to have that spark to drive you through that process. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And if it feels a bit half-baked, it’s almost like it just doesn’t connect in your mind and you will always find other things to do instead. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I’m in in that place right now as well. Yeah. 

Dija Ayodele: So it comes together eventually.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It comes together. Exactly. And you feel like you’re moving closer and closer, like, you know, when you, you also know the things you’d never do. Like you don’t know, you don’t know the things you’re going to do, but you know the things you’re not going to do. Like, I’m not going to write you a skincare book.

I know that for sure. You know, I am never, I’m not going to write you a beauty book. Am I going to write you a book that has some of those elements were probably probably more business focused, probably. I know I’m going in that direction, but am I going to write you a book about how to wash your face? No. Like what cleanser to use?

No, I know I’m not going to do those things. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Dija Ayodele: But it’s about then edging closer. It’s about eliminating all of the things you know you don’t want to do that gets you closer to the thing that really you want to write about. And I, I think that I’m through going through that process at the moment and there’s some things where I’m like, yeah, that’s a definite story.

Especially like, ’cause now I’m building tech. Um, and I feel like there’s a lot of. Things within that that I’m like, yeah, this is a definite overcomer kind of story to tell. Okay. But when I, when I say that I need to go through a few more experiences first, like I, like I’m in, I’m in, I’m ascending in the arch, and I need to come down on the other side of the arch and, and full circle that experience to then write about it.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Dija Ayodele: Um, ’cause if I wrote about it now, I wouldn’t have an ending to give you. Right. ’cause I’m in the middle of the arch. Yeah. So I have to get to the other side how, and it doesn’t matter what that other side looks like, but I, I need to get to the point where I’m like, okay, I’ve. I’ve landed. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Dija Ayodele: Now I can tell you about the experience of what happened and we can write about it and you can learn about it and all that sort of stuff.

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers: So the business side, there’s two questions I want to ask you there. Firstly, you, you’ve started coaching other skincare professionals. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Which I, I think is really interesting when people, they gain a lot of experience in a certain field and then they get to a place where they say, okay, I want to help other people in this field.

And you said, which I really loved, is you said, you, we all have the potential to win. Yeah. So talk a little bit more about the coaching work you’re doing. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah, so coaching is, I’ve always mentored. I, so I’ve always mentored a, just a handful of people. I think, about three people I’ve mentored and I’ve mentored them since from the very start of their, I love mentoring people from the start of their journey rather than halfway through, from when they were students.

Right up until them developing their in clinics and they’re in practices and all that sort of stuff. But I’ve just never had enough time or capacity to take other people on. And again, it’s that thing about being in the middle of the arch. I. Can’t help you if I haven’t landed on the other side and cleared through the fog, like, you know, so, and now that I have, especially ’cause obviously I closed down my clinic to concentrate and build more time to be at home.

Especially on the weekends, if you won’t own a clinic, you will know that you work anti-social hours. Because everybody else, like people are going to come in on a Saturday, which means if you’ve got kids, you’re missing the football matches, you’re missing everything because you have to be in clinic. And there’s only so long you can do that for, I think.

So I, I built in more time into my life because also I knew that we were building tech and, and I knew that that would take a lot of time. But in the building of tech, I think. Tech can be quite slow, slower than I thought it was, than, than it would be in many ways. So I found that I had time, and I thought, well.

Whilst, whilst we’re waiting on Clicked, which is the app that we’re building to kind of get out into the world, I have got time and I can manage my time now better to coach. I know that I don’t want to be back in a clinic setting per se, but I, there’s a ton of experience I could share with other people.

That’s basically what I’ve done and that’s very rewarding, again because I’m working with people right at the start of their journey. So I’ve got a couple of clients. I’m, I’m already like, I, I think I’ve got like maybe one or two more spaces, but I’m working with people all around the world.

I’ve got someone I’m working with in, in America who literally is like, I’m literally starting out and I want someone who’s done the whole journey to be by my side. Um, and that’s amazing. And to see their excitement as they’re finding out, you know, I’m like, every, every week there’s homework, right?

You need to go and research this. You need to go and research that, and let’s talk about it, and blah, blah, blah. And to see their excitement. I think the last conversation I had with one of my ladies on the coaching program, she was really struggling with clarity of who her customer would be.

And I sent her a video to watch and she came back. She goes, I wish I’d watched this sooner. Like literally this, this has just really solidified who I want to be. So for me, that’s something like quite basic. But for her it was like change changed her mindset. And I love seeing that excitement. So for me, that’s always going to be the thing.

Your excitement and you winning is like, I want all of us to win. I firmly believe that if somebody has done something before, it means it is possible to do for the next person. And if I have done X, Y, Z. I firmly believe that you can do the same. You don’t have to do it the way I did it, because there was some potholes involved.

So you don’t have to do it the same way. You can actually skip over those things because I’m coaching you, right? You’re going to skip over those potholes. But I firmly believe you can win as well. That’s always my thing. I want you to win. I want to see us all be successful in the things we want to do.

And that is the thing, like if I’m ever having a bad day or a shitty day, like I’ve not had the greatest of weeks and yesterday, I think was quite a sort of down day for me. But I went out to a friend of mine who has, who has a skincare brand, and she did a documentary about it. She went back to her home country in Congo and she did a documentary about her raw materials and her raw ingredients.

And yesterday was the opening night and she’d asked if I could come along and do a Q host, a Q&A for her, uh, and for the audience. Just even though I was having like, not the greatest of days, but it was amazing to go and still do that and watch her win because that was a massive win for her and watch her win.

And you know, I went, I did it. I watched the film, I did the Q&A. Five minutes later I was out. I was on my way home. But it was just a really uplifting feeling when. You see other people win, and even if you just played a tiny part in that, again, another full circle story for me, when she was setting up her brand, I was there.

I listened to all the problems, the packaging problems, the one weekend where she had to go into the factory and sort out all the packaging herself and, you know, I, I was there. I listened to it. So to then watch her close the arch with that film last night, no matter how shitty I was feeling, I felt good for her.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Dija Ayodele: And that kind of rubbed off on me as well. So yeah, I won all of it. It’s my mantra. We can all win. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. I love that because I think people looking from the business owners from the outside assume that there’s this innate competitiveness and this kind of, it’s like a dog, you know that Wall Street model?

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Where dog eat dog, lunch is for wimps sort of model, where it doesn’t really have to be that way at all, you know? Everyone has the potential to win. I love that. And yeah, we can celebrate the wins of others without it having any impact on ourselves. 

Dija Ayodele: For sure. Absolutely. I think that, but also because I am human and I will say this ’cause it’s funny you, you just mentioned something actually wrote in my Substack, which has not been published yet, probably go out today, about the fact that I watch my competition closely. I think I’d be a fool not to, uh, especially like within the tech space, I watch my competition. Um, and I’m only human, so I always admit this. Yeah. There are days where I’m like, oh my God, they’re, they’re going to, they’re going to eat us alive, because they have more money than.

And just last night I was writing in my Substack that one of our competitors clearly has had an influx of investment because they are all over the place at the moment. Everywhere I turn, I see them and they’re advertising. Yesterday on my way home I was at London Bridge coming up from the northern line to go up to the main ticket hall.

And you know, as you come up the escalator, you’ve got that whole bank of video adverts. It was them. I was just like, these people are everywhere. And of course I was like, you know, one side of me is like, oh my God, they’re going to crush us because it’s human. And like I, and at the same time I’m like, I want to crush them, um, because I’m competitive like that.

Um, but at the same time, I also hold the other feeling like they can’t ever do what I’m doing. And I know that we have a very special edge, and I keep saying that Dija just, you keep reminding yourself about it. You just keep telling yourself that, but it’s still human enough to, and I think I, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit that, do I?

It is not a traditional green eye jealousy. It’s more like. It’s more like a covetness. Oh, I wish I had that. And all I say is I wish I had access to their funds. That’s all. I, I don’t wish to have what they have. I just wish to have the resources they have. It wouldn’t be human to not say you don’t feel those competitive vibes.

But at the same time, you can also hold the feel, feeling that they can win and I can win, like, you know, that, that’s also valid. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, but also it is worth remembering that there are lots of case studies of startups that had felt like they had infinite pots of money. 

Dija Ayodele: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: And they’re just, you know, resigned to the dustbin because they 

Dija Ayodele: Absolutely.

Good point. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: They weren’t smart with their money at all. 

Dija Ayodele: Good point. Good point. Yeah, no, I think you are absolutely, absolutely right. And those are the things, and that’s what that I, that I think about and, and I surround myself with people who have those alternative views for the blind spots that I can’t see because when I pop into my slack messages for my team that, oh my God, guys, like literally I couldn’t escape them today. And they will say things like you’ve just said. So again, it’s about that surrounding yourself with people who can ground you when you’re going off on a spiral, because you know, I, you are only human and if you’re having a bad day, it’s very easy to then spiral out of control because you know, your, your day is now running, it’s now run away from you again, that’s human and you have to try to be very hard and disciplined to come back to the focus. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. So we’ve been kind of circling around your, your new, your new business. But you, can you tell us what you’re in the process of building?

Dija Ayodele: So we are in the process of building an AI powered skincare diagnostic app that will not only simplify your routine and make skincare make sense for you as you wade through this billion dollar landscape, but it’ll also boost your confidence and give you back control.

We find that people are purchasing products they won’t use, can’t use, don’t know how to use, they are literally losing control, not only of their skincare, their skin, and their wallets. They’re losing control of everything. And what Clicked will do is that it will help you bring a focus back, not only will you understand your skin, understand your skincare concerns, understand what products to use, understand how to use those products in a routine, but it will also be an emotional, it will also provide emotional guidance for you, for you to understand why your skin behaves the way it behaves. And to give you back that control, that gives you back your confidence as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Wow. That’s amazing. I need that. 

Dija Ayodele: After so many years in the industry, I was like, yeah, I could. It’s all linked. It’s all linked. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. What do you say to people who say, well, that this all sounds really great, but with something like skin and beauty, that we do need a human element.

What do you say to people that would say something like that? 

Dija Ayodele: Absolutely. I think, of course a human element is a very, very important, and I think that my answer to that is there are people at the moment who are priced out. Priced out in terms of money priced out in terms of accessibility to just basic information.

Now, this is something I consider basic information, that there are elements of it that you don’t need a human necessarily. Especially because like on our part I’ve trained it. So when I talk about one of the things that I know that. Other, other apps don’t have that we have is the fact that it’s me that’s training the app.

It’s, it the learning machine. It’s not, it’s not data that we are pulling from somewhere else. It’s me sat here doing it. So you can be rest assured that at the back of all that tech. It’s me, and people on my team. But these, this is some of it is basic information that, you know, you don’t need a human.

And because it’s always been the case that you need to go and see someone for it. If you are, for example, living, I don’t know, Isle of Skye or whatever it’s going to be, it might be difficult for you, it might be expensive for you. And this cuts all of that out and gives us all access to that basic need.

Fundamentally at some point, um, in the lifecycle and roadmap of, of the app, there will be the option to see somebody, whether it be through telehealth or teledermatology, but that you, you know, those two words, telehealth, teledermatology their whole businesses in themselves. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm.

Dija Ayodele: It it’s not just that, I’ll just tack it on to, to, to the app.

They are whole business unit in themselves to build and to support. But again, even if you had that, if you are unable to pay for it, yeah, it might be another human at the end, but if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. So what do you do in the meantime? And when we look at. Where the world is at the moment, the cost of living crisis and all of those sorts of stuff.

I mean, we all sat here like sitting ducks waiting for the 26th, right? Because what we are going to have a budget and who knows what’s going to happen, you know? And there, there are so many people who get priced outta things. And this is where I believe tech and AI can be used for good. I’m not saying that they’re not people or dark forces, but this is the way I feel like.

For me, this is doing something good. This is ensuring that we can all access things. And there’s other ways in which, for us personally, which I, I won’t go into because that will be part of our marketing, but, there’s other ways in which we’ll bring the human element into it and get people to see face-to-face and all that.

You know, a combination of IRL and online is, is the way forward. So that will always exist. But fundamentally, our core business is to ensure people have access. And AI gives us that. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I love that. That’s amazing. It is technology for good, techno democratising. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Skincare, beauty, and I think just think coming at this from a health perspective, so thinking about the, the work that I do when you people think about wellness now, and I, I know this applies to skincare and beauty as well, there’s always this thought, oh I have to spend a lot of money because you know, you have people like Gwyneth Paltrow and and all of that.

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: But it’s really. It really doesn’t have to be that way. And I love the fact that you’re thinking about it. Well, how can everyone access this? You know? It doesn’t matter how much money you have. That’s really, really interesting. What’s the one thought you’d like to leave listeners with today? 

Dija Ayodele: I think the one thing I’m always reminding myself of is that no matter what I’m doing, so now in this case, no matter what you are doing as a listener, whatever your dreams are, you got your heart set on you. You can only do it your way. There’s going to be many ways of doing it, and every day I am reminded that you can only do it your way.

So when I sit and think about. Like I say, issues that have happened this week and I’m just like, okay, well I could try and make this square fit into this round hole or I can do it my way and you know, and my way might not be the way that all these like investors and people who are in the know are.

That’s not how they would do it, but these are the options I have and these are the cards I have to play, so I can only do it my way. So I think that’s what I’d say to people that we sometimes get so caught up in waiting for other people to approve, like what we’re doing or co-sign what we are doing.

And we, we end up wasting a lot of time like that. And you only know you’ve wasted a lot of time after the fact, because I can sit and tell you about a couple of things where I’m just like, well, I wish I’d just moved on. Um, but I was so busy waiting for someone to say yes to me that I, I lost track.

So each time I do things my way and because you’re doing things in a way that’s authentic to you, you will never fail. And even if you don’t get the results that you were expecting or wanted, you’re still going to get the results that you need, that were needed, whether the result is you shouldn’t do this, that’s, that’s what you needed to hear.

Or whether the result is, yeah, you can move on from this now because you’ve achieved this bit and you can move to the next stage. That’s because that’s what you need to hear. So I think it’s that memory and, and core, core self-belief, that you can do things your way, and you will still be able to succeed.

Le’Nise Brothers: Very wise words. Oh, thank you. Very wise words.

Dija Ayodele: What would be yours though? What would you, I know obviously you do the podcast all the time. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Dija Ayodele: You know, what’s, what do you, what would you be your kind of like, one thing that you are like, I always want people to remember this.

Le’Nise Brothers: You only have one body. Mm-hmm. And you have to take care of your health and you don’t have to accept feeling tired. Like I just wrote a substack about this yesterday. So people always say, why am I always tired? And there’s this been this acceptance that we’re just always supposed to feel tired and no, we’re not always supposed to feel tired. We are not supposed to have painful periods. We’re not supposed to have really terrible experiences of our period or ovulation.

What I would say to people is that you only have one body. Your health is really important. You shouldn’t accept feeling suboptimal. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And it’s not ableist to say that, whatever your body is like, there’s always a way for you to feel a little bit better.

Dija Ayodele: Yeah. Yeah. Whatever body you possess. Yeah, absolutely. You need to know what your good is, your good feeling is, and you need to know when you’re not feeling so great. I mean, I, I push and burn the candles at both ends. I’m known for in bed at, I don’t know, midnight, up at five. I’m known for that, but then I would say there’s always times where it’d be eight o’clock and I’ve gone to sleep.

Like literally, I, I will just be like, today I’m not feeling it. And, and I, I know when. Those times comes, comes up. I just need to listen to my body and be like, right, eight o’clock I’ve crashed out. See y’all on the other side. Literally, I’ll be like, I see y’all at six. So yeah, so you, you just have to know that, and I think your body starts telling you these things where, like if I’m supposed to wake up at five and all of a sudden it’s like I’m waking up at 5:30.

It’s like my body’s tired and it’s telling me it’s tired and it’s not able to naturally wake up at five o’clock anymore because it’s depleted. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. 

Yeah. Especially at this time of year where it is darker and you know, we just don’t have that light that we respond to. Yeah, we do tend to wake up a little bit, a little bit later, so Yeah.

Dija Ayodele: Unless you’re pushing through. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So that’s interesting. No one’s ever asked me that before, so thank you. Thank you. 

Dija Ayodele: It’s always good to turn the microphone back.

I always think it’s a good idea to turn the microphone back and, and yeah, get, get your opinion too. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. Well, thank you. So where can people find you if they want to read your substack, if they want to find out about coaching, find your book. 

Dija Ayodele: Sure. So my website, dijaayodele.com, it’s my home planet. You can find that all the information about coaching from skin for skincare professionals.

Also if you wanted to have online skin consultations all via my website, my book, everything is there. On Instagram, I’m @dijaayodele, as simple as that. My substack is Always With Sprinkles, the story behind that is I am always that girl that’s going to give you a little bit extra.

So Always With Sprinkles it’s going to sprinkle a little bit extra on top. So it is, but you can also find it via my name, I believe. But yeah, it’s actually called Always with Sprinkles. And that’s literally the places you can find me at.

Le’Nise Brothers: Great. And all the links will be in the show, in the show notes.

Dija Ayodele: Amazing. Thank you for that. Yeah. I’m also on threads actually, but like by my name as well. Threads is where I go to do the most random conversation, like, let’s talk about leaks actually. Well, you know, I, I think that’s an interesting topic, but yeah. Um, I love threads. I just think it’s this way.

I kind of go to like de-stress sometimes, and my algorithm is so good on threads like. It’s all laughter, it’s all good stuff in life. And I really try hard just to protect that algorithm, because again, it’s where I just come to destress. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. And we, we all need that in life. 

Dija Ayodele: Yeah, for sure.

Absolutely. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Well, thank you so much for coming onto the show today. It’s been fantastic speaking to you. 

Dija Ayodele: Thank you for having me. I think this has been like, so great. It’s, it’s just like chat I needed, we, we all should have had coffee as well, actually. Yeah. that would’ve just rounded it up, but I feel like it was the chat I needed today, so thank you.

Period Story, Episode 99, Dr Juliet McGrattan: Exercise Can Help You Feel More In Control During Menopause

For the final episode of season 10 of Period Story podcast, I’m so happy to share my conversation with Dr Juliet McGrattan, an international speaker, award winning author, educator and running expert. 

In this episode, Dr Juliet shares: 

  • Her experience of perimenopause and why she’s happy not to know when she goes through the day of menopause 
  • Why imposter syndrome and anxiety were the main symptoms that told her she was perimenopausal 
  • Why stopping caffeine was helpful for her 
  • Why comparison is a trap when it comes to exercise
  • How exercise can be very powerful in menopause 
  • Her tips for getting into running in midlife
  • A sneak peek into her new book about running and menopause
  • And of course, the story of her first period

Dr Juliet says it’s very easy to become resentful or fall out of love with your body at different times of life and that you can find yourself battling against it. She says that to feel more accepting of our bodies and to learn to work with them, we need to ask ourselves, “what can I do that will make things a little bit better?”. 

Thank you, Dr Juliet!

Get in touch with Dr Juliet:

Instagram

Website


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Juliet. Thank you so much for coming onto the podcast today. Let’s start with, the question I always ask my guests, which is tell me the story of your very first period. 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Thank you very much for having me on. Nobody’s ever actually ever asked me that question before, which is maybe says a lot my, now I was really late starting my periods.

I was, just 16, I think so, so really quite late. And I remember it vividly. I don’t know whether that’s the same for everybody, but I was off school for the day. Because I had some stomach ache and didn’t really think very much of it, but then went to the loo and realised that there was some blood in my knickers.

And thought okay, right. That’s why I had stomach ache. And I remember my mum was downstairs and she was having some sort of, I don’t know whether it was a coffee morning or she played bridge, so I think it might have been a little bridge card game sort of thing. And I remember sort of shouting down to her and her , I remember, it’s so clearly, it’s funny. Remember coming to the bottom of the stairs. And just sort of telling me that she’d put some sanitary pads in a, in the drawer, in her bedroom. And I went and, and went to get them and, and that, that was it really, it was all quite uneventful.

I’ve always been terrified that, you know, it would start in a ballet lesson ’cause I was a dancer and it would be blood on my leotard and all of those things that you dread. But no, I was at home and it, yeah, it was quite uneventful. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So you were 16 when you got it. 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Mm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Which is, if we think about the average age to start, menstruation is about like 11, 12.

What was going on in your head at that? Were you kind of thinking, when is it going to come? Were you concerned or had you spoken to anyone about it? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: I hadn’t spoken to anybody. I. I kind of think that I just knew it would happen eventually, so I wasn’t worrying that it hadn’t happened.

As I said, I was a dancer, so in some ways I was kind of relieved. I mean, I learned about periods when I was at primary school and I was age 10. So, you know, I’d had a lot of years of thinking, is it going to happen? When’s it going to happen? What’s, you know. How is it going to happen? So yeah, so I think probably there was a little sort of sense of relief that, oh, okay, it’s normal, but perhaps, yeah. Not being too worried that it hadn’t happened up until that point. I mean, I think maybe I was 15 and a half 16. I, but, you know, I had no information. I didn’t know. Now I know that, you know, delayed puberty can be a thing, and I was just sort of on the cusp, on the cusp of that really. But I didn’t know that at the time.

I just thought, well, it’s pretty cool that it hasn’t happened to me yet, but there was a lot of years of wondering when it was going to happen. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And when your friends got their periods, did they talk about it with you? Was there a kind of element of feeling a bit left out of those conversations? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: A little bit, but I have to say it, it wasn’t really something that we all talked about.

Back in the day. I’m 53 now, so I’m quite old there. There wasn’t an awful lot of conversation. There might be a sort of a, a knowing look, or there was always girls trying to get out of PE because they had their period. So I guess in some way maybe I did feel a little bit sort of. Not able to, to join and those conversations and not be excluded.

But I don’t recall there being very many of them. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And then when she got your period, what was your experience of your period like for the rest of your teenage years? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: I wouldn’t say it was great really, to be honest. My period was quite heavy. And again, you know, being a dancer, that was really an issue for me. I didn’t, my mum wasn’t, didn’t talk about periods. I think a lot of that comes from her upbringing. You know, she found it very difficult to talk about that kind of thing. Uh, so I didn’t really get support sort of from her. So I, I was very resilient and very independent really. And I just kind of managed it, figured it out myself.

It certainly did interfere with my dance. I remember an occasion when I went, I was dancing up in London, like at a Saturday school. I remember going up there and then just realising that my period was too heavy and, and just turning around and getting the train home again, and just saying I didn’t feel very well.

So I think it was, yeah, it was always, but I didn’t really understand. And I don’t know if anybody did at that point that it wasn’t just about bleeding. I didn’t have any concept that the hormones that caused the bleeding and those fluctuations affect would affect me in other ways. So I think I wasn’t very insightful about mood or any of the other sort of symptoms. Yeah, I think I knew that I was going to get sore breasts sort of every month, but I hadn’t linked anything else at all to, to my hormones, so I wasn’t able, they were fairly regular. I’ll give them that. I, I, I think that is one bonus that I was pretty much able to predict when they were going to happen.

But I was always embarrassed about it. I was never open. I never really talked to anybody about it. I just kind of cracked on, which I think is quite sad really when I think back about it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Well I think it’s quite common back then. I think in some ways things have changed. Not as much as you would think but I wonder as you got older, did your relationship with your period change, especially as you went through medical training.

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Did the more insight you got about your body, did that change your relationship with your period at all? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: I think I just got better at dealing with it. I got better at it. I think it did get a little bit lighter as well. It’s obviously, you know, in the first few years it can sometimes be a little bit heavy.

So I, I got better at dealing with it. And then, I went on the contraceptive pill and then that helped me to, that really made a big difference to, managing them. And they become much, much less of a deal ’cause as you know, it’s not a natural period, it’s just a sort of a withdrawal bleed and that made them very predictable, very controllable.

So I was much less bothered by them. And then you go through that phase in life when you are, you are worried if you don’t have one because you don’t. Worried that you might be pregnant. So I think I think it changed from that point of view. Yeah. It became less of a, less of a nuisance. Um, and less of a, yeah, less of a bother, but then it became a bit more of a, gosh yeah. I hope I get one.

Le’Nise Brothers: Do you still get periods or are you on the other side? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Yeah, so I haven’t had a period for a long time because I’ve used the Mirena coil for contraception and of course for not all women, but for me, a side effect of that has been that I haven’t had periods and my hobby is running, and that’s been really amazing.

And now I’m not really sure where I am. I know that I’m getting some sort of perimenopausal symptoms. I don’t know where I am, that’s, you know, that the, you reach menopause when you haven’t had a period for 12 months. But I have no way of knowing when my last one was. But I suspect that I’m probably not too far away from hitting that day of menopause and moving into post menopause.

But yeah, I don’t know, but I don’t have periods, so, and I, I know some women don’t like that but I am, I am more than happy with that. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Is there any kind of feeling of uncertainty with that and like uncertainty that of where you are or you’ve just fine with not knowing where you are in that kind of perimenopause to menopause, the post menopause journey. 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: You know, I’m fine with it because I don’t know that, that knowing the absolute day of when you reach that day of menopause and you haven’t had a period for 12 months, I don’t know that it really changes very much. I, I’m going much more by sort of how I feel and the symptoms that I’ve got.

I mean, it could be significant for some women if you’re thinking about when you need to when you can stop contraception. But I know, you can get tested, to see whether you’ve reached that point, if you’re thinking about sort of changing contraception and things.

So I kind of, I don’t know. It’s sort of spectrum menopause, isn’t it? You women just spend lots of years sort of being perimenopausal and, and those symptoms don’t switch off the minute you go into post menopause. So I feel absolutely fine. I was wondering about it the other day and thought, I wonder whereabouts I am, but I, it, it doesn’t really, and it may be because I’m not too badly affected.

Perhaps if I was really, you know, struggling with it, I would be like, I need to know where I am and how, like, long this is likely to go on for. But, uh, I’m, no, I’m okay with that. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So you’re 53 now? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And can you say a little bit more about how you are feeling? Because you know I’ve met you twice in person and you’re quite a vital individual.

You know, you have this vitality about you, but you know, saying that you’ve experienced a few symptoms, can you just say a bit more about how you are feeling as you kind of go towards menopause and, yeah. 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Yeah, yeah, sure. It’s difficult to know when things actually, perimenopause symptoms actually started, but I think the main symptom and the first thing for me was actually feelings of anxiety.

Not something I have ever really experienced before. I’ve always felt quite sort of confident and, in control of things and suddenly started to really get like lots of imposter syndrome and lacking in self-belief and then that horrible feeling of being on edge and anxious about things, about going to work at the time, that it sort of started happening.

Just that general feeling of unease when you can’t quite, sort of put your finger on it, but really unpleasant and that’s kind of come, come and gone over the last few years, sometimes worse than others. But I think when I sort of realised, oh, that this is probably sort of hormone related, that it actually made me feel a lot better about it.

And I was able to go, okay, right. What do I know is going to make me feel better? What, what can I do? What do I know is going to make the difference? So I stopped caffeine. I think probably about five years ago now, which really helped ’cause I think I was getting some sort of like palpitations things along with that sort of feelings of anxiety, cut down on alcohol.

I definitely know if I have more than a couple of glasses that, that I will feel horrible the next day in terms of that sort of on edge thing, trying to minimise stress. And also when I get that feeling, going out and doing some exercise and for me, those. Those things, but just being aware of that and learning to just focus a bit more on self-care has helped those symptoms to go away.

Now, I think if they hadn’t, and if they were much more prominent and I couldn’t sort of solve them myself, they would’ve been enough for me to think about whether I should use some HRT. But I’ve always been able to sort of, yeah manage it with lifestyle things. And apart from that, the odd sort of sore breasts, some hot flushes, but nothing major I can sometimes get, yeah I get a feeling that it’s coming and but nothing that’s been embarrassing or felt, put me in a position where I can’t do my job or anything like that. And some night sweats, they again, they really come and go. They’re often dependent on whether I’ve had, um, a glass of wine and but not, you know, not night sweats where I’ve had to get up and change the sheets, not drenched.

I’m just waking up feeling really hot and thinking, oh my goodness. And flicking the covers off and on and off. I think really those are the main things I’ve noticed other changes, like I noticed my skin is a little bit more, sort of looked at my forearms the other day and thought I look like my mum.

They just suddenly looked really sort of papery. Yeah, like old lady’s arms. I’m like, my goodness, what’s, what’s happening here? Yeah. Apart from that, I am fortunate but I do work hard to try to make my lifestyle as good as I can. And I think, but I do think that a lot of it is just that I am lucky and that it’s not being too difficult for me.

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s really interesting that you, the way that you’re talking about it, about perimenopause and your experience, because I really think there’s a narrative at the moment that this is supposed to be a time that kind of hits us like a freight train. It’s supposed to be really terrible, but really it’s a spectrum and some women, they just kind of sail through it.

Some do have symptoms like you’ve experienced and you’ve described, and then others do have a rough time. And I’m just really interested in, because women’s health was your focus as when you were working as a practicing GP. What would you say to women who are experiencing a really rough time during perimenopause and they’re kind of trying to figure things out.

What would your tips maybe for reassurance be to them? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: I mean, I do remember seeing, you know, many of those women when I was working as a GP and the ones I remember the most, are the ones that would come in and just say, they just didn’t know who they were anymore.

They just did not recognise themselves. Their moods were all over the place. It was affecting their relationship. It was affecting their work. It was awful, really awful. For some of them, they hadn’t identified that it was perimenopause and they, and they thought they were losing their mind or developing dementia or just be thought that it was all down to stress, high levels of sort of stress.

And, and I remember seeing some really desperate, desperate women. I think if you’re having a really bad time. Like you say, the narrative is very sort of mixed, but I do think it’s important to remember that this is a transition and it does end. That’s not necessarily helpful at the time, but just to know that this isn’t forever, also to know that it, it’s not you, it’s not your fault.

It’s not a reflection on you as a person, because a lot of women would say they, this was becoming really horrible, really grumpy and losing their rag really fast and, and then feeling like they were a bad person. So I think I would be really reassuring to say, it’s not your fault.

It’s not you, it’s the hormones that are changing and that is therefore having an effect on, on your brain and your brain chemicals, et cetera. But it’s nothing to do with you as a person. And I would just really say to get help. Some women want to use HRT, some women don’t.

Some women can, a few women can’t. But it can be a game changer and it’s not a case of having to wait until you are absolutely on the floor and you’ve done everything you can think of before you do go and access help. And there is much more education for healthcare professionals and for GPs now about menopause than there ever used to be.

I don’t remember anything at medical school and I remember seeing my first patient as a newly qualified GP and thinking, I don’t know what to do when someone comes in and says they want to start HRT, they think they’re menopausal. I didn’t have, I didn’t, didn’t know. So I had to go and learn, you know, and, and I did, and I went away and researched and, and sort of learned a lot.

But thankfully there is much more education now out there for GPs and also medical students as well. So I hope that, that is changing. It’s not, it’s far from perfect, but it’s better than it was. But yeah, so I would say don’t, don’t feel like you can’t ask for help early on, even if you’re just starting to struggle.

It doesn’t have to be, your world doesn’t have to be completely falling apart before you ask for help, but also just to be, just to learn as much as you can and read about all the different symptoms and the different ways that it can affect you so you don’t feel like you are the only one. Because you are most definitely sort of not alone.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, I think that what you just said there about not being alone is really important because when you were talking earlier about that feeling of being on edge and that anxiety, that’s actually something that I’ve been experiencing a bit recently and knowing, you know, this is the field that I work in, so I’m very aware of what’s going on but I have been a bit surprised, like, oh, this is, oh, uh, oh, I’m being affected by this. Oh, okay. And it is really helpful to know that I’m not going through this by myself and there’s a reason that I’m going through this. And like you said, it’s a transition. It’s not permanent. But what I want to move on to is to talk about movement and exercise, because that, as we’ve talked about on the two panels that we’ve been on at the London Marathon Show, is really vital for women going through perimenopause and beyond.

But I think this kind of tying this into this feeling of anxiety and not knowing who you are, there can be this feeling of, oh, starting something new, especially reg exercise and movement isn’t a regular part of your routine and this intimidation factor. What would you say to someone who knows that movement is really important for bone strength, for muscle strength, but is nervous, is a bit intimidated by all of the gear, all of the gadgets.

What would you say? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing to remember is that anybody who is exercising regularly and doing all the things that you think you should do. They were once like you. You know, I think about myself when I remember my first run, and I remember not knowing what a dumbbell was and you know, so the first thing to remember is that everyone’s gone through that journey. So again, don’t feel it. You are in inferior in any way. And to remember that any movement that you do is excellent and not to compare yourself to those people because they’ve been doing it for a long time and they’ve built up skills and fitness, et cetera, and the people they’ve actually got the most to gain from exercise are the people that are doing none and start doing some.

That, that’s the biggest sort of health gain is from going from doing nothing to doing something. Even if you’re not reaching those targets that the chief medical officers give you of 150 minutes of moderate exercise every week and two lots of strengthening exercises, even if you’re not there, that’s, that’s a goal.

That doesn’t have to be where you begin. You might be starting from five minutes of walking, but actually you’ve got more to gain than somebody who’s already doing quite a lot, doing a bit more. So it’s at its most impactful if you are not doing anything. The other thing I would say is amongst the chaos of menopause, exercise can be incredibly powerful for lots of reasons, like you said, for bone strength and for muscle strength, et cetera. But actually also I think in just helping you to feel a bit more in control. With menopause, you never know how each day is going to be. Your plans get upset because of symptoms, et cetera.

But if you just have something that is just for you, which is your exercise, that you can adapt, that you can change according to how you feel every day. It becomes something that you can look forward to and a constant and something that kind of keeps you grounded and it gives you, yeah, something that you can actually feel in control with amongst the chaos, which I think is really nice.

And as well, if you are a beginner and you’re starting new things, you’d be amazed how quickly you improve and that improvement and your discovery that you can do things that you didn’t think you could do, gives you so much self-confidence at a time when your self-confidence might just be rock bottom.

So I think being able to set little goals or little targets for yourself, again, not comparing to others, but just what’s right for you and meeting those. And then moving on to the next one. It really helps to build self-esteem and self-confidence, which is so important at this time of life. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, definitely.

I definitely noticed this myself because so I have a dog now and he, as you know, ’cause you have a dog as well and he requires a lot of walks and because I work from home, I’m the one that does most of the walks and what I’ve, I was always an advocate of walking. I was never one of those people who said, oh, walking isn’t exercise.

But I have really noticed since I’ve started taking him on these walks, how, it’s not only the physical benefits, but it’s also the mental benefits where you are up. You’re getting that bright light in your eyes in the morning. 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s so amazing for your mood, that kind of mental health element where you’re out of the house and sometimes on those days, especially during winter, where you just want to lay in bed.

You can’t. So yeah, the benefits of just going for a walk if you have a dog, if you don’t, are just, are numerous. But I want to talk a little bit about running because you are the resident health expert for 2 6 1 Fearless, which is a global women’s running network, and you do a lot of running yourself, and this is something that has seen a lot, a big boom where you have all of these running clubs popping up and people on TikTok and Instagram 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: Posting their runs and we’ve talked about the benefits of walking. What about running? Where in midlife, maybe you’re worried about your knees, maybe you’re worried about your hips. I laugh because I worry about my knees. How can a woman in midlife get into running? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Mm-hmm. I think there’s always a risk when you are a runner that you bore everybody with running and there are plenty of people who don’t want to run, and I always think that’s fine.

You do, you find the thing that is right for you and you should never feel any pressure to run just because everybody around you is doing that. If you don’t want to, you don’t fancy it, you don’t have to do it. Although I would say question yourself. Why is it that you don’t want to do it? Is it because you think you don’t belong in that space?

Is it because you think you couldn’t do it? Because if it’s either of those questions, then actually, I don’t think that’s a good enough reason not to do it, because you will find that the running community is very broad and there is a space for people who really don’t think they can run, but just maybe want to have a bit of a try.

And for those who think that they can’t do it, but can soon very quickly discover that they can do it. And that’s when it can be really impactful in terms of building your confidence when you put yourself right out of your comfort zone and realise, oh, actually I can do this. I think it’s natural to, to worry about the health impacts of pounding the pavements and things. But I would say that it’s not really something you need to worry about at a recreational level. Running recreationally is very different to being sort of an elite runner covering hundreds of miles and things. You are more likely to have problems with your hips and your knees, in particular if you are inactive than if you are a runner.

And there are a lot, there’s a lot of myths about running being bad for your knees when actually very sound evidence says that for recreational runners, it’s actually really good for your knees. It can help to prevent and to treat osteoarthritis. It’s not going to give you osteoarthritis. There are always a few caveats.

If you’re a very elite runner and you’re covering hundreds of miles a week and you’re running with poor form or with injuries, et cetera, that you, you can sometimes cause damage to your knees, but for the majority of us, the kind of running that we are doing, it’s not an issue. And actually it’s going to be helpful to our needs in the future.

So I think always meet yourself where you are at. Start very, very slowly. The biggest mistake I see runners making is just going too quickly. Running a hundred meters and then thinking, oh my goodness, this is awful. I mean, I know this ’cause I’ve been there and I’ve done it. But actually, if you can find a friend and you can run at the speed of chat, and that may not be very much faster than a walk.

It doesn’t matter. It’s still running and gradually, gradually building up from there. And I think also in terms of protecting your joints, it’s always a good idea to make sure that you’re doing some strength and conditioning so that you’ve got strong muscles around your knees, getting fitted for some shoes that are right for you.

Giving yourself particularly in perimenopause and as you get older, enough recovery days, not setting yourself to run every day, you know, couple of times a week, three times a week, but especially at the beginning, lots and lots of time for recovery. But I would, yeah, I would say don’t, don’t be put off by thinking it’s going to be harmful for you.

It’s actually probably going to be completely the opposite. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s interesting because what you said there about the evidence around running and the knees, I had always heard the opposite, so it’s really reassuring to hear that. It can, with some caveats, it can be beneficial for the knees.

You have just handed in your third book, and I really want to talk about your writing career. So you’ve released two books already, so Sorted, which is all about women’s health, and then Run Well. Talk a little bit about your first two books, and then tell us a little bit more if you can, about your third book.

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Sure. Yeah. I never thought I would write books. My English teacher at school would be amazed if she knew that was what I ended up doing. But the first one was really just came from a desire. I’m still working as a GP then, and I was really heavily into getting into running and, and, and really enjoying it.

Starting to write for Women’s Running magazine and things, and I just thought I just need to have all this general practice knowledge in my head and I can see how it relates to women who want to be active. All the barriers that come up and I just wanted to put it down somewhere on paper. And I hadn’t seen anything like that, at the time, this was 2017, it came out.

There was nothing really around at that time for normal women, so not athletic elite sort of women, but just for everyday women who wanted to be active, to encourage them, to help them overcome all the barriers. So that was Sorted: T he Active Women’s Guide to Health. And I’m so proud of that book because I’d never written a book before. I probably went about it. Well, I know I went about it all the wrong way. It took me much longer than it should. I wrote, ended up writing about twice as many words as I was allowed to put in it and having to cut it down by sort of half. But it really, it, it really was what I wanted to say.

It was really what was in my mind and, and I wanted it to be helpful. And so that was the first one in 2017. And then the next one was Run Well: Essential Health Questions and Answers for Runners. And that was 2021. I think I should, I’m terrible with dates. I think it’s 21. And that was, that was after I spent a lot of time in the running community.

I’d done a lot of talks, a lot of social media, a lot of blogs, et cetera, et cetera. And I was getting asked the same kind of questions over and over again. And it was interesting because it made me realise that even though I had been a GP. I didn’t know a lot of the health answers to the questions that runners had because I didn’t know those questions existed.

And it wasn’t until I went through the journey of becoming a runner and running, then I realised I had questions about health that, that I thought a doctor would be able to answer. But you, I’d asked friends who were doctors and they’d be like, oh, I don’t know. I wasn’t taught anything about that. So that book to me was trying to yeah, bring up every question I’d ever been asked or ever thought about myself about running, for men and women, and putting it all in one place. And a lot of that, obviously there’s a lot evidence for a lot of the answers, but for some of it, it was just trying to extrapolate what was known and put it into sort of a running context to, so people could learn more about their bodies, learn about the physiology and the anatomy and then all the common issues that sort of crop up.

So a lot of runners have said to me, they use it like a reference book and they just kind of have it on the side. And when things crop up, they know that, they’ll find, they’ll find the answer in there. So that was the second one, which is, yeah, purely for runners, but men and women, yeah, and kind of my I say gift makes it sound a bit, but yeah, just trying to create something useful for the running community.

And number three is yes, I’ve just handed it in and it should be out next spring. I can say a little bit about it, but it’s about running and menopause. So again, it’s me sort of using my own experience, my own journey, but also all the, the experience of women around me in the running groups I belong to in the people that are on my newsletter or the questions that all come up and trying to create something that’s useful for women who are either already runners or want to start running wherever you are in the running journey. And put that into the context of menopause because as we’ve sort of discussed, menopause throws up lots of symptoms that make exercise and running very, very difficult. And a lot of women stop running or reduce their running, at a time when I very passionately feel that they should be, that they need it the most.

So that’s what I’ve tried to do in this third book. So hopefully I’ve hit the mark. Let’s, let’s see. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Congratulations, firstly. It’s a feat to write one book, but to now have written three books is, it’s a wonderful, amazing thing. And so you said that that’s coming out next spring?

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Yes. I’m not sure if it’s March or April 26. Okay. But I’ll get the date soon, I hope. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, great. So definitely check that out next, next spring. So for listeners who want to find out more about you and what you do, where can they get in touch with you? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: So I’ll just send you to my website.

Really, it does need like reworking, that’s on my to-do list. But anyway, it’s there at the moment, which is drjulietmcgrattan.com. And then I’ve got lots of tabs for the books and the blogs and the newsletter and all the different things that, that I do. So, I have a weekly newsletter for women that are in menopause who are active, particularly for runners, which I absolutely love writing every week. Just share things that I’ve learned or what I’m doing or things that I’ve read, things that I think would be useful. And I really, I really enjoy doing that. So if that, if you’re in that kind of space, then yeah head there. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay, great. And then all the links will be in the show notes.

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Thank you. 

Le’Nise Brothers: What’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with today? 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Ooh, gosh. I would say it’s very easy to become resentful or to fall out of love with your body at different times in life, particularly when things get harder through periods, through pregnancy, through menopause, et cetera. And you can find yourself battling against your body and trying to, to fight it.

And I feel, and it’s been, a process that I’ve had to go through as well, but to feel much more accepting of it and to love it and to learn to work with it and be kind to it and think, what can I do that’s, what do I need? What can I do that will make things a little bit better rather than constantly feel like you’re battling it?

Which is easier to say than it is to do. But I think there are little steps that we can all do in terms of self-care and eating well and moving well and, and just trying to be grateful for what our body can do for us. And I think when it comes to running particularly, I’m amazed at at what it can do.

You know, I’m in my fifties and I can still run lots and recover well. And I’m so grateful to it for that. That’s on top of, of course, giving birth to children and all those incredible things. Our bodies really are completely amazing. And we need to always remember that they’re on our team.

Yeah. And battling against them isn’t always the best thing to do. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. I love that. I love that. Thank you so much for coming onto the show. It’s been wonderful speaking to you today. 

Dr Juliet McGrattan: Thank you very much for having me. Anytime. It’s lovely to chat. 

Period Story, Episode 98, Lily Silverton: Live Your Life, Don’t Fix Your Life

I’m really happy to share my conversation with Lily Silverton, the writer, columnist, speaker, coach and founder of The Priorities Method Journal on today’s episode of Period Story podcast. 

In this episode, Lily shares: 

  • The joy of getting her period back after losing it for two years as a teenager
  • Her struggle with disordered eating and depression and how a trip to an ashram helped her begin to reset her mental health
  • How she realised the power for her thoughts and that some thoughts aren’t true 
  • Her experience of painful periods and severe premenstrual depression after having her two children 
  • The transition she made from fashion and culture journalism to retraining to become a stress management and positive psychology coach 
  • Why stress isn’t inherently bad for you
  • The reframe of ‘I get to’ and ‘I choose to’ 
  • One of her coaching principles: live your life, don’t fix your life
  • And of course, the story of her first period

Lily says there’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve or change, whether that’s your internal self or your external self but she says we should consider how we can approach this with real compassion, so that you can work from a positive point, rather than berating yourself. 

Thank you, Lily!

Get in touch with Lily:

Instagram

The Priorities Method Instagram

Website


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Lily. Thanks so much for coming onto the show. I’m really excited to speak to you and hear about the work that you’re doing. You’re doing a lot of really interesting work in stress management and positive psychology. But first, let’s talk about the story of your first period. 

Lily Silverton: Sure. Thanks Le’Nise.

Thanks for having me. So I have a pretty terrible memory. Uh, in general. I can watch a film and then sort of a week later suggest we watch the same film and not realise I’ve seen it. So I’m casting my mind back, but my memory is that I, I was about 13 and edging towards 14, so it would’ve been year nine, I guess, unless it was the year before, but I’m pretty sure it was, and I remember that I wasn’t in school that morning for like another reason. So I was going somewhere with my mum, um, maybe for an appointment or something, and that I got it then. And honestly, I remember just being really happy because I was, my primary school friends, so back when I was sort of nine, 10, that my little group all got it around then, so I really felt terribly left out and I remember, really, um, like telling one or two people in that time that I’d gotten it when obviously I hadn’t, um, because I really wanted to fit in with this group or, you know, just to feel like I was at the same stage.

And I remember that feeling of like, this feels like such a big important thing. And obviously in retro it’s like, it’s like how your GCSEs feel really big and important at the time. And then in retrospect you’re like, what the fuck? It doesn’t actually matter. Yeah, so I remember, I, I just remember really wanting to get it.

And again, even at secondary school, quite a few of my friends had it quite young. So I remember feeling very relieved and very happy. And I didn’t feel maybe shocked, I guess, as, as some of my friends who got it at nine definitely would’ve, would’ve had whiplash from, you know, that experience depending on what they’d done.

I, I definitely felt like I knew what it was. I didn’t bleed everywhere. You know, I didn’t have any of those experiences that I think some people can, um, which can be quite traumatic. I didn’t have that. I just, you know, started bleeding a tiny bit. And then I remember my mum buying me pads and tampons and I think I tried a tampon and just found it like absolutely impossible to do.

And then, yeah, went into school for whatever reason. I was off that morning and, and was very, very pleased. So that’s the extent of my memories there. 

Le’Nise Brothers: How did you know about what it was and the kind of mechanics of having a period? 

Lily Silverton: Mm, I grew up in a very open household.

With, uh, a very open grandmother and mother and cousins and everything. So I never felt like I didn’t understand what it was to like the process of growing up, um, and having that experience. I’m sure we learned it in school as well. I went to a Jewish school, which obviously wasn’t like big on its sex ed education in the way that religious faith-based schools are not, but I remember us having at least one class on it, one workshop. Again, I can’t quite remember how I learned, but I know that I knew a lot around it and I feel like I’d read lots of like the Judy Blume books and things like that as well, which would also really strongly influenced my understanding of what it meant to become a woman in inverted commas and have that process. Yeah. Now I remember actually that book, those books were quite big for me growing up. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Judy Blume. Well, my mind, that’s such a strong memory for me too. And actually they made a film of Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret. I haven’t watched it yet, but ’cause I have such a, like, strong memory of the book and it being so precious to me, and, and I kind of almost don’t want to kind of taint that by watching the film.

You said that when you got your period, you were relieved. And then as you went through the rest of your teens, what was your experience of your period like? 

Lily Silverton: I remember it being reasonably okay. You know, like I don’t remember being one of those people who I remember having pain, but I, again, I know some friends who are really found it really debilitating and I can talk to you about that in my later experiences as well, ’cause things have changed. I don’t remember it being that impactful, you know, it was painful and it was awkward and it was definitely still a time, you know, I’m 40 now. It was definitely still a time where like it’s very much hidden. You know, you weren’t talking about it all at school. You weren’t going to swim if you had your period.

You were going to hide any of your bits away, and all of that sort of stuff was, and also in terms of like, actually the physical stuff that we used, we weren’t using like those terrifying strap belts that mothers did. But, you know, we were still using huge pads and, you know, really awkward things and none of like the really lovely organic things that there are around today.

I then did lose my period for two years, a year and a half because I was anorexic. So from when I was 16, uh, or maybe 17 to 19, I didn’t have any periods. Again, at the time it wasn’t my biggest concern and I didn’t really think about it. I was more concerned just with being thin. So, um, but obviously there was concern for a while of the impact that that had on my body. And there was some talk at the time with the doctors in terms of like, will I be able to have children when I’m older? What impact will that have had? It did have an impact, which is correlated on my bones.

So I did have osteoporosis when I was younger. Osteopenia, which is sort of when you have osteoporosis, but not on your entire body, just in part of it. So I had it in my hips and spine, which very, very thankfully, I reversed over 10 years. So in my early thirties or or late twenties that was fine again.

And I remember the actual, like the real joy of when it came back because I’d gone to India with one of my best friends and she’d said to me, I’m not going to do this trip with you unless you eat, really like, this is, I can’t do this with you. And so I’d agreed that I’d eat everything she ate.

And that was sort of the, the initial process of me starting to get better. And actually after that, I got much, much worse again, um, because I hadn’t really done the work to get better. I just said I’d eat. But over those six months abroad, I did eat and got to a sort of regular weight and then towards the very, very end of that trip when we were in Thailand, I remember getting my period back and that being a real celebration. I was with two of my female friends and we were, we were really, um, hippie when we were that age as well. So, you know, it was like this huge celebration of women’s bodies and, and all of that. So, yeah, I remember that as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you talk a little bit about the eating disorder and the work, some of the work that you did to change your mindset and to heal? 

Lily Silverton: I had anorexia and I had bulimia, and my anorexia was really from those years, those earlier years, and then a little bit in my early twenties, and then it was more bulimia when I was older, although I was still underweight and I guess I also had, I had, um, depression as well, which it’s a bit chicken and egg, right? Because if you’re very hungry or you know, have very disturbed eating patterns, it’s quite hard to be happy and it’s quite hard for the chemicals in your body and brain to be, to be settled. And then if your body and brain is, are unsettled, it’s quite easy to fall into patterns where you get into disordered eating.

So they were very closely connected bedfellows. I really believed that in that time and definitely like up until my mid to late twenties believed that this was just how I was, that they, like, I might take a medication for a bit and I might try another therapy and that, and those things might help me, but like, fundamentally, I was broken and my thought patterns were broken and, and this was the way that it was, and I was never going to feel or behave in a different way.

Again, I don’t want this to come across as flippant in the slightest ’cause it’s not, and obviously there was like a huge process leading up to this and lots of therapies and, and medications and support networks and everything that went on. But I did, I went to an ashram in 2012 and that was sort of the first point at which really my, my mind started to shift in terms of, okay, maybe you won’t have these thoughts. You know, maybe your thoughts are created in some way, not in all the ways that you can control. And obviously some everyone says like, oh, you have power over your thoughts and obviously your thoughts are the hardest thing to have power over versus other things in the world.

But it was this first opportunity of thinking, okay, maybe my thoughts aren’t true. Maybe this self-criticism isn’t, doesn’t have to be here forever. Maybe it isn’t an integral part of who I am, but something that I have developed for various reasons. And then seeing that like crack of light, I guess gave me the opportunity through various practices, and one of them strongly being yoga and mindfulness and meditation to think, okay, what’s the alternative here?

Is there an alternative? Yeah, and for me, in my own personal experience, everyone has a very different experience with mental health. I did find a way to somehow argue those thoughts to a point where now I do get them. Very rarely, and you know, they are still there. And definitely I get stressed and definitely I, you know, get angry and frustrated and, and all of the normal realm, you know, wide range of emotions that everyone should experience.

But I don’t, I don’t feel like my brain is broken anymore. I don’t have that thought anymore. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s so interesting what you said about the power of our thoughts and being able to say, oh, is this true? Is this like, is this something that I should actually believe? Because with different types of meditation, Vipassana, they talk about the thoughts coming in and out and being able to observe those thoughts and being able to just kind of watch ’em float away. And actually what you said it really struck me. You know, like, is this thought real? Is it true? You know, should I attach any meaning to that that thought, wow, I like that’s actually really. That really resonated with me, what you’ve said there.

Then you mentioned that now your period is different to how it used to be. So you lost your period, it came back and can you tell us a little bit about what your relationship is with your period now?

Lily Silverton: Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I think like a lot of women my age, I was on the pill for a very long time and for me that felt fine. But I did come off it whenever I did, I can’t remember now, 30 early thirties, and I tried the coil, which was an absolute disaster for me. And then, but generally, you know, my period was, uh, it came off the pill and my period was still fine and very manageable and not much impact.

And then I had a child, and after my first child, I couldn’t believe how painful my periods were when they came back. I think they came back about five months, six months afterwards, or maybe a bit longer actually, with my first, and yeah, I couldn’t, I couldn’t believe how. How painful they were and that obviously my body had processed something and then either I had very painful birth, so I don’t know, or I experienced very painful birth and I don’t know whether that, you know, whether there’s some correlation there in terms of like memory and my body and felt experience.

But yeah, I was, I was really thrown. And then after my second child, my periods got even more painful and heavier. And also now, actually it’s been, it’s been much better the last couple months, but that I was getting like really, really, really intense, uh, depression the day before. So really, really severe version of PMS, which obviously as someone who used to have depression, really threw me the first couple of months.

But I grew to understand that that was it. But I think I had been, and I have apologised to a couple of my friends, I think when I was younger I couldn’t really understand when people felt completely debilitated by their period. I was like, you know, come on, get, get yourself back up, basically, which was my was my mentality, is my mentality for lots of things still, and having this experience where it’s wildly unpredictable and it can be really heavy and then suddenly very light and so like leaking is a lot more possible. There’s a lot more potential for that. And you know, emotionally that it really throws me in physically that it throws me has, has been a important learning step for me.

And I don’t know whether I’m going towards perimenopausal, um, because definitely I have periods where they’re, where they’re light, and I’ve had a couple where I get pain for the whole time, but no bleeding and things like that. So there’s definitely changes happening in my body somewhere. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Just thinking about what you said about when you apologised to your friends, how did they respond to that? 

Lily Silverton: Well, I think they responded as anyone would. It’s not that I was like incredibly cruel to them and telling them to like, you know, pick themselves up when they’re incredibly unwell.

It’s just that internally, I don’t feel like I had that, that I hadn’t built that compassion, those compassion muscles around that particular thing. They were happy to be seen and understood. I think as anyone is when they’re in pain and it feels like perhaps they’re the only one to have someone else validate that and say, no, you know, no, you are not mad, or, you know, the experience that you are having, I’ve had it too, is incredibly soothing to anyone in any circumstance.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And so just shifting gears a little bit to the work that you now do. So something I’m very interested in because it’s been my own experience, is this transition that people make from one career to another. So you were a fashion and a culture journalist, and then you retrained as a coach. So specialising in stress management, positive psychology, and neuroscience.

Can you talk a little bit about this transition? Because you were in your presumably thirties. Thirties. Yeah. At that point where people are typically moving up to the next level in their career. So can you just talk a little bit about that transition? 

Lily Silverton: Hmm, sure. So, I, I didn’t actually want to be a journalist when I was much younger.

I studied politics and global health and wanted to work as a human rights lawyer, um, before starting to train and then realising that my memory again was very bad as we discussed earlier. So, I pivoted and ended up in journalism. I’d always written, my father was a writer and a journalist, so it’s very much in my DNA and I set up a magazine with some friends who I happened to live with at the time, and then from there moved into bigger magazines and, and all that time it felt, you know, I absolutely always loved fashion. I’d done night courses at Central Saint Martins and things like that. It really felt like, this is the path for me and I want to be an editor, an editor in chief of a big, you know, UK or maybe International magazine and that, you know, that’s really, really my drive.

And then when I got to my early thirties, I had a big breakup and as these things can do, it put things into perspective, put my priorities into perspective. Then even before that, like a year before that, I was definitely thinking like, is this really the place for me and. It wasn’t. The magazine I worked for was fantastic.

I worked at Hunger with Rankin and my team were amazing, absolutely amazing, and I loved them, but I just didn’t really seem to care about the fashion anymore. And I’d sit there at Fashion Weeks and look around me and there’s no judgment here because everyone’s path is very different. But I look at the women who are, maybe, you know my age now, so 40, 45, and I think, you know, do I really want to be thinking about having children and needing to spend months and months away sitting at fashion shows?

And for me, that answer was no. For other people, it would, it could absolutely be. Yes. And you know, now that I do have children, I really miss the fact that I couldn’t go, I’d love to go to the odd fashion show, um, in Paris. So that’s sort of what happened for me and Rankin was very supportive of my sort of start to change in my change in thoughts and I wanted to go and do my yoga training.

I’ve done yoga since I was a, since I was 12, and so he, and he let me go off India and do my training over there, my hatha training and meditation training whilst also working for the magazine. So I did my training and then I lived over there teaching on a beach, which was very dreamy for six months whilst doing the magazine.

And that was sort of just about workable with the wifi. And then I came back and sort of over, I’m trying to think how long, maybe over the next year, I did both for a while and then, and started to do health writing and , and, being commissioned to do sort of health pieces for Vogue and places like that.

And then at some point was like, okay, I need to, I need to step off of this, you know, I’m not in it. And also I really had this feeling of, okay, I need to make space for someone else who’s really hungry as well. Like, I’m holding this very great job in fashion and art and people as I did when I was younger, you know, would’ve killed for this job.

And so I need to step off of this ’cause if I’m not in this and if I’m finding it, you know not that rewarding except for loving my team and loving the people, you know, the interest. Generally then, then I have to step off. And so for me, the transition was like very gentle. I feel like I didn’t just quit my job and go, okay, what am I going to do next?

Which I know some people do do and that’s great. You know, especially they’ve got gardening leave. I’ve lots of people come to me in that situation. But for me it was, okay, this is yoga is a huge part of my life, and I really wanted to train to teach and to integrate it in. And it was from yoga and from, you know, that initial experience in, in the ashram with, you know, the, at least with the traditional hatha yoga that I trained in and meditation. They talk a lot about the power of the thoughts and, and the way that our beliefs create our reality. And, and again, I, I think reality is also very real. So I’m not, I’m not saying that you know that all the onus should be placed on the individual in terms of that. But that element of it was really interesting and that’s how I came into coaching.

So I went straight to stress management coaching. From there I did a lot of yin and mindfulness trainings and then into stress management coaching and for a while did all of the things was doing like yoga, writing, coaching, meditation, anything. Basically I do. And then over the years, and especially I guess from the beginning of COVID when I couldn’t teach yoga and also had small children, had then had another small child and, and I started moving away from that physical practice of teaching and doing meditation, mindfulness and coaching, and then more and more coaching.

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s quite an interesting career path and I think these things are going to be more and more common where people don’t just stay in one job for 25 years and it’s just so interesting hearing like the winding roads that people take. And now you’ve landed on this fantastic, very meaningful, not that your other work wasn’t meaningful, but in a different way, career where you’re focusing on stress management. And that’s really interesting because I think, people think about stress and there’s, oh, how are you, oh, I’m so stressed out. And it’s become almost this word that has not lost its meaning, but has a lot, even more meaning to it. And you wrote recently, you wrote a post on Substack about how we should stop trying to avoid stress. Can you say a little bit more about that? Because I think that might be for some people like, what do you mean by that? 

Lily Silverton: Yeah, for sure. So I guess any stress management program, at least with me, that starts from this idea of stress isn’t inherently bad for you.

We have this idea culturally in terms of our environment and our culture, that stress is very bad and we should avoid it at all costs. But the reality is that we can’t avoid stress. That stress is, is a part of living both the sort of stressors that are around in the world, um, like the experiences and also the internal experience of stress of that state of worry and tension is, is part of our evolutionary biology.

You know, that’s not going anywhere completely. So it’s more about how can we work with our nervous system. And our nervous system is incredible. It’s pretty old. We have advanced hugely in the last a hundred years, 150 years, particularly last 30 with the internet. And our nervous system has evolved over hundreds of thousands years.

So we haven’t really necessarily caught up with what we’ve, with the environment that we’ve created. So it’s how can we support our nervous system through the daily stresses that we, that we do face, that are less physical as they used to be, or you know, in terms of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and sort of the basic needs that we might have.

Those stresses for many people in modern cultures are, are quite rare. But in terms of the non-physical, psychological, intangible stresses that we face, those are absolutely huge and numerous and new ones every day. So the amount of things that we sort of have to hold in our brain and the amount of small stresses that we need to navigate every day have grown in that in that way, and I think this idea of like, how can I avoid stress? How can I get rid of stress? Just makes us feel more stressed because then we fear stress and we, and we get stressed about feeling stressed. It’s called an secondary emotional disturbance in coaching and a much more helpful path if you want to think about like what’s actually helpful and what can actually help us, and a much more realistic path as well for any of us and a much more sustainable one is to be thinking more about, okay, yes, there are stressors, but like what, first of all, stress isn’t necessarily bad, you know, it’s a good thing. Or it, it’s there for, for a, a response that we have to stressful things, is there to help us meet a challenge or a threat or an opportunity. So it’s how can we reframe stress? Well, it’s like not ignoring stress, and I’m not talking about like toxic positivity at all here. Very, very against that. But how can we, if stress is, is still going to be there, then how can we reframe it? See it as, as part of living as well as part of opportunities and challenges and what can we do.

So I definitely know that I have it when I’m working on like a big workshop. I can think or, or even I ran a retreat last weekend, a de-stress retreat. So you know, I can think, oh, this is really stressful preparing for this retreat. So I can think that, and then that will have one physiological response in my brain in terms of like what happens with my hormones.

And I know you are really big on hormones and so knowledgeable in this area. Or I can think, okay, this is a big challenge. This is a big opportunity in terms of getting this done. You know, I actually had it that my son got chickenpox the week before I was leaving for the retreat. So I really did have these tangible stresses that were being laid on.

Okay, can either see this as really stressful. This was, this is the physiological response that my body and brain will have. Or I can think, okay, this is a challenge, this is an opportunity. I’m trained for this. I’ve been, you know, literally trained for this. And you know, this retreat is an opportunity to share what I know with my community in this situation. And that’s really exciting. And, you know, aren’t I fucking lucky that I get to do that as my job and, and all of these thoughts. So I’m not ignoring the fact that my son has chicken pox. And that’s really inconvenient for my week. And I’m not ignoring that there’s like a lot of work to be done on a project, but I’m seeing where I can have acknowledged that reality and then see how my mindset can also support me through it.

Le’Nise Brothers: You said something interesting there, you said. I get to, and I really love that. That’s something I use a lot where I can get into my head about things and it’s like, well, actually I get to do this. You know, I get to. I get to do this, this, and this. And you know, it’s such a simple thing, but it helps you reframe and, you know, just have a better attitude about what you’re doing 

Lily Silverton: Completely.

It’s that if you we’re always saying to ourselves, I have to do this, I have to do that. And yeah, if, if, at least now and again, you can think I get to or I choose to, or I’m able to, you know, if you can even think, you know, I’m able bodied enough to be able to do this. You know, thoughts like that. I think has sort of maybe the side of gratefulness that I really go for.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I love that. Thinking about that, the idea of I get to, I choose to, it’s this idea of showing, showing up for yourself in a really positive way, and again, something really interesting that you wrote about was this idea of talking about you show up for yourself rather than fixing yourself.

Lily Silverton: Hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say more about that? Because self-improvement, fixing yourself, that just seems to be like wellness, you know? 

Lily Silverton: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: In in a nutshell. And the idea that you don’t need to fix yourself is so interesting. So say more about that. 

Lily Silverton: Mm-hmm. How long you got? Um, yeah. It’s one of the really big principles that I work with, with the Priorities Method, which is, which is my approach to coaching, is this big idea of like, live your life, don’t fix your life. We are just encouraged full stop with everything from when we’re tiny as well in various ways to fix ourselves and to change ourselves. And I feel this as well, I feel it from having eating disorders for a very long time and working in fashion and, and also just innately I do.

I am not immune to it either. I’m not immune to wanting still to fix myself or to change myself in various ways, but it’s trying to think about this, how can you approach your self-development? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve or change, whether that’s your internal self or your external self as well, depending on how that’ll, you know, if that will make you feel good and that will make you feel more yourself, how you can approach it with this real compassion. So it’s not that you’re berating yourself in terms of like, need to fix this or need to change this.

It’s more how can you work from a positive point. Whether it’s changing the physical body. You know, I get, as I said before, I get to move my body and how, how can I move to a place where like I’m really physically able to do things in a different way. You know, I get to run and I, you know, I want to improve my health alongside perhaps some of the other benefits that, that some, you know, some of the physical changes that might happen in my body. So something like that where someone can, if they’ve got health goals, can really, because I’m trained as a health coach, so if someone can really shift that thought process of like being angry at their self for various things to a place where they’re really moving from compassion and we see it with external things and we also really see it with internal processes in terms of like when you start challenging your thoughts and saying, is this thought helpful?

You know, is this thought true initially that can feel like you’re really berating yourself as well like you’re just trying to fix your inner world and it’s all really broken. So having had that experience myself, I really tried to work from this. You know, you’re not broken, you’re not fixing something, you are, you are living it, and you are living it in the most authentic, involved, compassionate way possible.

And when you do that, you’re going to want to see change. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Wow. Self-compassion. Just something like about being grateful for what your body can do. That’s something that I talk a lot about in my yoga classes, at the end, just this idea of can you find a bit of gratitude for your body and everything that it did for you today, and because yeah, we are so like, fix this, must do this, put on muscle, do this, do that. But what about where you are right now? 

Lily Silverton: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s such an interesting way of reframing just little small things that you think about every single day. 

Lily Silverton: Mm. I bet your yoga classes are great.

They sound great. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you. So thinking a lot about the way we think and the thoughts and truth that we attach to different thoughts. I read an interview with you where you talked about your daily meditation practice, and so as, as a fellow yogi, I want to ask you about your daily meditation practice and what, what do you do?

Lily Silverton: I’ve meditated most mornings or days, but generally mornings, I think for about 10 years. Where are we? Yeah, 10, 12 years. And I see it like brushing my teeth that it’s not necessarily that I’m always going to want to do it. Sometimes I will, and sometimes it’ll feel really great and sometimes it’s just something I need to get done in order to maintain the health of my mouth in the case of my toothbrushing and in the case of, of meditation, in terms of my mind.

So I feel like it’s kind of in some ways a big maintenance piece for me and that sometimes you don’t necessarily feel the impact in the moment. Like, a lot of people come to you as, as you’ll know from your classes, you know, they, they’ll say, oh, I can’t meditate ’cause I can’t get my mind to be still.

Or, you know, I, I just, I meditated, but I, I felt, you know, I felt crappy and then I didn’t do it again because I just felt crappy during it. You know, the point isn’t how you’re going to feel in the meditation, as you know. It’s, it’s what you’re going to take, how that’s going to impact the rest of your life on a day-to-day basis.

Same with yoga. You know, it doesn’t matter if you’re flexible in the mat, it matters if you’re flexible in your conversations another time. So it is very much like how I can take it out and sometimes I’ll enjoy sitting there and that will feel lovely. And um, often I wear a red light mask as well for half of it.

So that’s like my half point timer and I enjoy that ’cause I feel like I’m maybe doing something to the health of my skin in the long term. I don’t know. I’m easily influenced clearly. but yeah, I do it first thing in the morning. I wake up at six because the kids wake up a bit later, you know, um, they’re sort of up shortly after that.

So for me, I get up then so that I have that quiet and stillness in the morning. You know, I don’t do it very long. We do it for 10, between 10 and 20 minutes. But if I forget to do it in the morning, I often forget for the rest of the day until the nighttimes. That’s always interesting for me in terms of habit setting, which is a lot that I do with myself, with with my work because it’s one of those habits that I clearly have very, very attached to sort of initially waking up.

And then if I miss it, it seems that I completely goes outside my head until evening and then I’m like, oh fuck, I gotta meditate before I get to sleep. But yeah, for me it’s very much the morning. I always say to clients if, if it’s something that you want to do, there’s lots of studies that, you know, do have shown how it changes the brain networks and how supportive it can be for the areas of the brain that are, that are helpful, um, in terms of bolstering critical thinking and reasoning, and all the things that we need to overcome stress and to better navigate this chaotic world.

But it’s very much like what you will do. So if you will do one minute a day, if you can commit to that, then do that, you know. What often hear is, I’m going to do 20 minutes a day every day for the next month and, and then obviously someone does like three days and then they give up because life becomes life and, and then the dispirited.

So I always think with any of those practices, I’m sure you feel the same way with yoga when you’re telling people, you know, yes, you can come to one class a week with me and that’s great and definitely do that, but you know, if you could also do just two, three minutes a day yourself, that’s when you’ll start to really see change.

And is that cumulation and that repetition, I think with, with meditation, that makes the biggest difference to life. Yeah. What do you think?

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Yeah. I, I completely agree. I, it interesting, like the, the actual practice, the sitting down and doing it for 10, 20 minutes, because I have to admit that. I find that extremely challenging.

And so now my approach is very much about moving meditation. Like this morning I went for a swim and I just focused on just the act of like just moving my body through the water and just if thoughts came in, I observed them. And just really noticed what was coming in and out of my mind and I have a dog now, and so he needs like at least two good walks a day. And I do this without music and without podcasts. And at first it was really hard because my brain is constantly active. But now I look forward to that because especially now when it’s so nice outside, this act of like moving and being really observant of what’s around me and just noticing where my mind goes and is a kind of, it’s not, I guess, meditation in the traditional sense of it, but for me, as someone who I find, I know it sounds weird as a yoga teacher saying this, but like just that kind of what you think of meditation, I find it so hard, and that’s what works for me.

Lily Silverton: Mm-hmm. That’s, I mean. Thank you for sharing that. That’s, I hear that so often and I actually hear it from yoga teachers a lot as well. You know, like, oh, I can’t sit for meditation. Uh, that’s definitely a step too far. Um, yeah, again, it’s that what works for you, right? Yeah. And what are you going to experience on, on the retreat on the weekend, we did a walking meditation and we did seated meditations and, and some people were saying that they found the walking meditations much harder than the seated meditations because of this sort of, they felt like the actual movement got their thoughts moving and it was much harder to stay present. We did a mindfulness meditation where you’re kind of just listening to the birds and feeling your feet beneath the ground and that sort of basic mindfulness.

But for them, for some of them, they were like, oh, my mind just got really busy. ’cause as soon as I started walking, I associated that with with movement in the mind. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Right. That just shows you that, like you have to figure out what works for you just because, you know, this is something I say a lot to my clients, just because it works for your friend or your favorite influencer doesn’t mean it’s going to work for you.

And, you know, same as meditation. This kind of leads on nicely to talk about habits, and you’ve talked about meditation as a habit that you’ve kind of set in the morning. And now you’ve created a journal called the Priorities Method, which is based on the method that you use for coaching. And this is about helping people create habits.

So say a little bit more about the inspiration about behind creating this journal. 

Lily Silverton: Sure. So the journal was, it was sort of twofold, like, first of all, I couldn’t find a journal that worked for me both visually because again, I’ve got this background in fashion and art. So I think any of like the very, um, fluffy, friendly, girly stuff just doesn’t, doesn’t resonate with me.

It resonates with lots of people, which is great, doesn’t resonate with me. So I wanted like really clean lines, but I didn’t want that like tech bro journals. So I wanted to create something in between for myself. And I wanted something to keep myself accountable and also wanted something to keep clients accountable while they were working with me and also after they were finished with me, ’cause I’d see this, you know, great work and then obviously as soon as you’ve got someone checking, like everything just falls away very easily. So it was like, how can we create something that that can support people through that? And then the third piece was making coaching more accessible. So the beginning of the journal has a lot of questions around setting your priorities and and goals and intentions and habits for the year ahead. It’s undated so you can start at any time and the whole thing is undated, so you can stop it anytime as well and pick it back up, which is what people do, which is what I do as well. And I also wanted to create one that was weekly rather than daily, ’cause I felt like who has time to keep a daily journal more than a couple of months, you know? I feel that really falls away and something that people could just really sustain and that they didn’t feel when they hadn’t done it, that they felt really guilty about it. So I really wanted that messaging behind it as well.

Like, I haven’t filled mine in this week yet, and I don’t feel guilty about that and that, and, you know, this is my job. So I, I want to sort of put that, I wanted to put that across to people that. Yeah, just because you started something doesn’t mean you had to keep it going absolutely for life. And then if you didn’t that, then you felt so demotivated that you never picked it up again, which is again, what happens with all our habits, right?

Someone does something for a while, they don’t do it for a couple of days, and then they’re like, oh, they feel shit about that. And then all the thoughts come in, and then they’re like, what’s the point of doing it? Whereby obviously the way that we actually see change in life with absolutely anything is through this consistency.

You know, we have this idea, I think we overestimate how much can happen in like a week or two weeks, and we really underestimate how much can happen in three months.

And I think that’s, you know, that’s what I see, in my own, you know, I know that my brain does it, you know, we like to think short term. Um, we’re less keen on thinking about long-term goals and future plans, really in a very, very sustainable way. And yeah, so that was, it had lots of aims, I guess, the journal, yeah, in one. But those were the three, those were the three main. 

Le’Nise Brothers: How can people get their hands on the journal? 

Lily Silverton: They can get it through our site, which is the prioritiesmethod.com, or through my Instagram, which is @lily_silverton, and it’s also sold at Soho Farmhouse. So that’s sort of the only place if you at Soho Farmhouse you can get it there as well.

But that, that’s it for now. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Great. So what’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with?

Lily Silverton: I guess I would say when we do coaching, we do a lot of what’s called Socratic questioning and as in based in Socrates. And there’s one question from that, which is when you are having a thought or when you are, or even when a behavior or an action to some extent. But I’m, maybe let’s focus on thoughts.

When you’re having a thought, thinking to yourself, is this thought helpful? And sort of what we were talking about earlier, Le’Nise, in terms of maybe it is fact, you know, maybe the thought is fact and it is true, and, and, and that’s all very true and logical. But is the thought helping you? Is the thought helping you have more compassion?

Is it helping you stay aligned with what’s important to your priorities? Is it getting towards where you want to be? Is it strengthening your relationship with yourself and others, you know, is, is it helping you? And if it’s not helping you, then what is it doing? And I think that question for me is definitely always the one that I come back to over and over and over again in challenging situations? 

Le’Nise Brothers: I love that.

I love that. How can people get in touch with you? 

Lily Silverton: My website, lilysilverton.com or socials, @lily_silverton on Instagram. I’ve got other ones. I never touch them at the moment. And we’ve got a priorities method at Instagram, which I’m also not great at the moment at keeping up, which is @theprioritiesmethod.

And yeah, I do some events. I have a residency with Soho House, so there’s any Soho House members. I do a monthly residency at the one in White City and I do various little events.

I’m also writing a book, which is coming out next year. And that’s sort of where most of my energy is going at the moment, as you can imagine Le’Nise having written stuff. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah . Amazing. You have shared so many interesting little gems and I’m really excited for people to hear this and get in touch with you. So thank you so much for your time today. 

Lily Silverton: Thank you so much, Le’Nise for having me.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 97, Seetal Savla: This Is My Purpose

I’m really happy to speak to Seetal Savla, a fertility patient advocate, writer and speaker on today’s episode of Period Story podcast. 

In this episode, Seetal shares: 

  • Why she still struggles when her period arrives each menstrual month
  • Her work around challenging fertility, menstrual and menopause stigma in the South Asian community 
  • Why some in the South Asian community can feel shame around these topics
  • A few sentences to relay when dealing with overly inquisitive family and friends 
  • What it feels like to be on the other side of her fertility journey and why she dislikes the term ‘success story’ 
  • How a South Asian therapist helped unpack the cultural challenges she was facing around her fertility journey
  • What it’s like to raise a third culture child
  • Why her and her husband decided to give away their embryos after six years of trying to conceive 
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Seetal says this is her purpose and she is in a privileged position where she can share her experiences of infertility, pregnancy loss and pregnancy after loss to help other people and hopefully be a part of the change we need to see going forward. 

Thank you, Seetal!

Get in touch with Seetal:

Instagram

LinkedIn

Additional resources to explore:

HFEA: ‘Fear is what holds many South Asians back from being honest about their fertility journeys’

Women’s Health UK: ‘I’m pregnant after multiple losses – and it’s a mental and emotional battle’

Metro UK: Where are all the South Asian egg donors?

HuffPost UK: When you’re a woman of colour, infertility comes with extra stigma

Stylist: ‘6 lessons I’ve learned about surviving – and thriving – after pregnancy loss’

Tommy’s: Intergenerational experiences of miscarriage

So We’ve Been Told podcast

Netflix documentary: Period. End of Sentence (explores the stigma around periods in rural India)


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you so much for coming onto the podcast.

I am really interested in diving into all of the brilliant work that you do around fertility and stigma. But let’s go ahead and start off with the story of your first period. 

Seetal Savla: So first of all, thank you very much for having me. So much has happened since we last spoke about me coming onto the podcast and you know, I had a pregnancy using a donor egg, and then sadly that resulted in a missed miscarriage.

I conceived naturally and it’s been three years since my daughter was born in Berlin where I’m now based. So life, a lot of life has happened. So yeah, I’m looking forward to updating you. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: In terms of my first period, I don’t actually remember. I have vague memory or vague memories of it, which is a bit strange considering that it’s a milestone event in a girl’s life.

And I thought that I was about 11 years old and that it started at home and I spoke to my mum just to get her version of events and she says I was around 14 and at school. So, uh, I don’t know where the truth lies there. What I do remember, there are some memories that are etched into my mind because I used to have very heavy periods, and the one that I really remember is when I was at school and I fainted.

I remember going to the toilet with a friend of mine. And she was in the next cubicle and then all of a sudden I was just on the floor with no recollection of what had happened. And thankfully she had gone with me because then she was able to check that I was okay, went to see the school nurse, et cetera.

But you know, I think I was only out for a few minutes, but it was a really destabilising experience. So that has stayed with me. And every month, because the periods were so heavy, my mum would know to expect a call on that day. I’d go into school and then the nurse would call her up and say, Mrs. Mistry, Seetal, she’s not feeling so well.

Could you come and collect her? And, you know, I’d go home, have a hot water bottle, get into my PJs, and just bring their duvet down, lie on the couch, and watch a bit of daytime TV. So when I think about my periods, those are the memories that come to the forefront. 

Le’Nise Brothers: This kind of new normal of having a heavy period every single month and having to come home from school was, was there any kind of alarm bells ringing in your mind or your mum’s mind about, hey, this could be something else.

Seetal Savla: No, not really, because even though they were heavy, they were not so debilitating in the sense that I would have to take a few days off and that I couldn’t move from the couch or from my bed. They were manageable and my mum had had heavy periods. There were, there was no cause for concern at that stage and they were very regular as well.

Yeah, everything was okay because I know since then with the work that I do, heavy periods, obviously it could be a sign of endometriosis or any other issues, underlying issues that could go on to impact your, your health in general, but also fertility. But, uh, no, that wasn’t the case for me. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay. Throughout your teenage years, you’ve had had these heavy periods where you’d have a day off school or had to come home from school, and then did those heavy periods continue through your twenties? 

Seetal Savla: Yeah, they did. And again, they were manageable. There weren’t too many issues with leaks and, you know, just I could get about my day just, and they were so regular, I could kind of predict when they would arrive so I could arrange my, my days around them a little bit.

And just know when I would need to take things a bit easier. I would say I’ve always had a reasonably good relationship with my period in that sense. Like it was inconvenient. It was painful, but it didn’t prevent me too much, uh, from doing what I wanted to do. Of course, if swim classes fell on those days, you know, it would be very obvious because I’d have to sit out.

I didn’t start using tampons for a long time, actually. I was in my early twenties, and so up until that point it was just pads. And of course you can’t go swimming with that, you know, attached to your swimsuit. So, um, yeah, you’d sit out and then. Everybody would know you’re on your period. So yeah, that was awkward.

I remember my mum introducing me to tampons and so I knew about them and I just didn’t feel comfortable using them. Just the idea of inserting something into my body at that stage and I remember going through a box of them once, just in the bathroom at home, just trying to figure it all out with the applicators and everything.

And I just got so frustrated that I left it for a few years after that. And as a South Asian woman, you know, talking about tampons like that and just periods in general, you know, it’s, it’s quite a taboo subject still, and it’s, it’s great that my mum was able to educate me in this way, encourage me as well, and not just brush all these things under the carpet.

And it’s, I think part of that is because she was a young mother. She was 21 when she had me, and she was also shamed when she was younger. And so one of the stories that she tells me is that when she was on her period, her mum would take an old cloth, spread it out on the couch, and she would have to sit down on it so in case there were any leaks, that the couch would be protected and.

You know, it’s mortifying. Everybody knows about it. It’s not something that you want to share. And then because of that treatment, you’re made to feel that it’s something to be ashamed of when it’s a completely natural bodily function. So I think she wanted to avoid me being ashamed about it, wanted to empower me, my sister later on. And, um, I’m very grateful for that actually, because it never has been something that we’ve hidden. Of course, you know, we wouldn’t leave products lying around. It would be, I guess out of respect for my dad and my brother, but it was never a shameful secret, you know?

So there was a little bit of stigma attached to it in that sense. Like, we would go shopping and then just take the products and put them away. It was pretty openly discussed. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: Alongside other things. And my mum had told me that she’d had a miscarriage between my brother and I. Um, we talked about a cousin of mine who used donor eggs to conceive her daughter.

So these things were just part of my normal life, really, which is something I took for granted. And it’s only when I had more conversations later down the line with other South Asian women, I realised this was quite rare. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And that kind of leads into my next question around stigma and taboo because 

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: You grew up in an environment that was relatively open, considering the time. Considering the cultural background. And then we, we think about the wider South Asian community where there can be a lot of stigma around, I guess it just really depends around the, on the family, but around 

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: Menstruation and then certainly fertility and, you know, the usage of donor eggs, which I will ask you another question about this later, but can you talk a little bit about your work around stigma and challenging stigma, particularly in the South Asian communities? 

Seetal Savla: Yeah, it’s a really complex topic and it’s very individual. Each family, handles it differently. When it came to periods, for example, you wouldn’t tell anybody, but it would be made obvious by the fact that, for example, you couldn’t go to the temple or attend religious events if you were on your period because you were considered to be dirty and inverted commas, and you, you’d stay at home for the duration.

And I always found that a bit strange, you know? And my mum had said, well, if you don’t tell anyone, how will they know? Why make it obvious by not attending the event then they’ll, they’ll know that something is going on. Um, again, that is quite a unique perspective, and I think it all goes back to just patriarchy.

Just we’re very uncomfortable talking about women’s bodies and health in general. Anything from menstruation to menopause, all of that is just uncomfortable, awkward, and, and it really shouldn’t be, I think because that’s where a lot of misinformation comes in and. We’re not really taught how to speak about our emotions and the problems that we face.

And a lot of the time it’s because it wasn’t encouraged by our parents and their parents. They don’t have the language for it either. For example, in Gujarati, we don’t have a word for breast. We would use chātī, which means chest. So you can’t even directly refer to body parts, which makes it even more challenging.

Yeah, it’s a very nuanced topic, I would say in general, but, uh, the work that I do is trying to break down those barriers around fertility first and foremost. But obviously that includes menstruation as well and the menopause. Because I don’t want anyone to feel ashamed about it. I don’t want them to feel lonely like I did at the beginning.

Even with a supportive network of family and friends, I was able to confide in them early on, which is not always the case because people don’t feel safe to do so. You are afraid of what others will say, and that’s a big thing in the South Asian community. We worry a lot about outside opinion, and I think part of that is because of the immigrant journey, and we come over to the country of the coloniser and we want to stick together, we need solidarity, and if we do anything that brings shame upon our family, our name, our community, we’re ostracised and nobody wants that. And so it’s difficult to find that balance of being true to yourself, being authentic.

And respecting your family as well. It feels very disrespectful to speak out about these things, and I was lucky that I, I had the support to do so.

It’s just very hard for people who want to talk about it and, and they can’t because you have to be mindful of first and foremost, your family, but then also your community. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That word that you use shame is really interesting. And from the outside looking in watching programs with South Asian families and then movies, I’m just thinking about this particular scene in Bend It Like Beckham, where the mother, talks about bringing shame upon the family and it really evokes an image in your mind of what you’ve been talking about. Can you talk a little bit about the reaction that you’ve had to the work that you’ve been doing? Because you’ve been in this space for a while, your own personal journey, and then also the advocacy work that you’ve been doing.

Can you talk about the positive and also the negative reactions that you’ve had? 

Seetal Savla: They’ve predominantly been positive. I was expecting some criticism when I first came out with the blog post, so I used to be a food blogger and I’d review restaurants in London and then from my travels, interview chefs from around the world and behind the scenes I was going through all these fertility struggles, and I just wanted to write about it because that’s the way that I process my feelings. And I wrote a piece, um, about what I’d experienced to date. So that was my early first, early loss, and then two failed IVF cycles. And I didn’t intend for anyone to see it, but then I showed it to my husband and he said, I think it would be a good idea to post that and share it with people so that we can support others.

I had also received a lot of support through the trying to conceive community on Instagram. And at that point I hadn’t engaged with any of the content. I was just reading the stories, listening to podcasts, and maybe quietly liking a few posts. And it just made me feel much less alone. Much less ashamed.

I was carrying a lot of anger towards my body about it failing me. The cycles hadn’t worked. We hadn’t quite figured out why, and I just didn’t want anyone else to feel that way. I also wanted to give back and, um, yeah, so before posting that I thought that I tried to brace myself, uh, in case anyone had said, why are you doing this?

Is it for the attention? Uh, you’ll be bringing shame on your, you know, family and, and your in-laws and the community. Uh, these matters are private. We don’t talk about these things in public. No one needs to know, what is the benefit. And actually none of that was directed towards me, at least, uh, not via DM or in person or in any other way.

Instead I got people contacting me from everywhere, you know, friends, family, acquaintances, kind strangers telling me, thank you so much. And especially as a South Asian woman, you know, we’ve been going through X, Y, and Z and hearing about your experience of loss and the overwhelm and the injections and the hope and heartbreak cycle each month, the intensity of it all just makes you feel part of a community and that you are not abnormal, really. I think especially in our community, there’s so much pressure to, to be perfect. And again, I think that’s part of, uh, our immigration history as well. We come over, we just want our parents’ sacrifices to be worthwhile and we are conditioned to sort of tick all the boxes and just stay small, don’t, don’t talk too much, just do what is expected of you.

We don’t want to stick out, you know, and so that means getting a good education, uh, finding a good partner, having kids, the big house, the car, all of that. And when things don’t work out that way, you are made to feel inferior and inadequate. Maybe the intention isn’t always that, I feel that these kind of comments, it’s just part of small talk, when you’re having kids.

You’ve been married a couple of years now, you know, but if you’re struggling to have to constantly hear that. It’s a very hard thing to deal with. And then because of our deference towards our elders, it just, the words won’t come out of your mouth. You won’t be able to say it’s a private journey. We’re on a journey.

We’re trying. You wouldn’t, you’d just kind of smile, nod, run away, hide in a corner, and I hope they don’t find you again. Um, so yeah, it’s, it’s a very difficult thing. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So what would you say to someone listening who is part of the South Asian community and a couple of steps behind where you are now?

You know, going through that, what you call hope and heartbreak cycle, and also having to listen to the chatter around them. You know, the parents, when are you going to get pregnant? Is something wrong with you? You know, all those little comments. What would you say to someone who isn’t navigating that right now?

Seetal Savla: I actually just read an article about that for Happiful magazine that a friend of mine, a therapist’s friend has contributed to. And um, some of the tips were, have something prepared. I think if you’re in a situation, you go to a wedding, let’s say, or a community event or a baby shower, which can be especially triggering, those questions will come up.

And if you maybe just have a little sentence that summarises where you’re at. It, it alludes to the fact that it’s difficult. I think that might be helpful. So we’re on a journey, but it’s private and uh, when there’s something to tell, we will share it. You know, something along those lines. Whatever works for you.

I think it’s nice because then you’ve answered that question and you can move on. Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully there won’t be any follow up questions to that. What kind of journey, you know? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: We suspected that you might be, uh, having some problems. Is it you, is it him? You know? You don’t want any of that.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Because, um, people can be quite nosy. Mm. Especially family where, you know, yes. They want to, once you answer one question, then it’s like the door’s open to pry a little bit more. 

Seetal Savla: Yeah. Sometimes I think it would be nice to just have a little printout, you know, that sentence, whatever it may be, and just hand it out, look, you know?

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: Or make an announcement. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: But I think also. Maybe I, I’d, uh, read somewhere about having something planned afterwards or just saying that you’ve got something planned. So to give yourself a certain amount of time, if you know that it’s, you are going into a difficult environment. So let’s say the event starts at five and at 7:00 PM you’ve got a food delivery or something, so I’m sorry, I have to go.

And then that way you can protect yourself a little bit as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. So now you are on the other side, do you, well, do you consider yourself to be on the other side? You know, that’s what I am saying. 

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: But what, how do you think about your journey through infertility now your daughter is two, two years old.

Seetal Savla: Three, she just turned three. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Oh, wow. Yeah, I know. And so how do you think about your journey now and where you’re at in this whole, I guess you could say process. 

Seetal Savla: I think it never ends. I do consider it as being on the other side, and I prefer that wording to success story. You know, that leaves a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth because the implication is you, if you don’t end your journey with a baby, that you are a failure, that you didn’t want it enough, you didn’t try hard enough, you gave up.

And I, I hate that kind of terminology because it’s, it’s really not that simple at all. Life after IVF, after fertility issues. You know, it’s, it’s merely the beginning, I think, once the baby is placed in your arms. And actually going back a bit further, when I was pregnant, after loss, I, I fell pregnant about three months or so after the end of my lengthy miscarriage.

It was about two months, just back and forth with all the scans and the bleeding, and it was a big shock. Even in the moment when we got that positive test, we felt numb because no pregnancy had ever gone beyond a certain point. So we just thought, well, here we go again. And it was full of anxiety and fear at the beginning.

You want it so much and what a surprise, what a blessing. But you don’t believe that it’s going to work, but you want it to. So you’re trying not to get attached and it’s, I think it’s impossible to be disconnected from something like that.

Alongside all of those fears and anxieties, thankfully I was eventually able to embrace the pregnancy through therapy. I had a lot of help from, and guidance from my, my therapist who is a South Asian woman, which helped me just dive into the issues and, you know, she understood the cultural challenges that I was facing so I didn’t have to explain them. And I think there was a lot of liberation and acceptance in that. Um, and then my daughter was born and, you know, that feels like, it is such a difficult thing to describe. It’s wonderful. Your dreams have come true, but it took me a long time to connect that dream and that reality because I’d had an emergency C-section and everything went well, but I was recovering from that.

I was expected to be so strong at a time when I felt really physically and emotionally weak and vulnerable, and that was hard because you just have to do everything. And you know, we were living in Berlin at the time, as we still are. And you know, my, my parents and my in-laws were back in the UK and they had wanted to come over before she was born, but I’d actually said, give me some time because I don’t know how I’m going to be feeling after all of this.

I, I want to allow space for all these emotions to come up. And they really did, you know, all of that fertility, trauma. I also had, uh, a difficult episode in the hospital on. One of the evenings when a nurse basically criticised me for not getting up and dealing with my daughter. I couldn’t get out of bed.

I was on a drip. Obviously, I’d, I’d been cut open and, uh, my husband wasn’t allowed to stay over due to COVID restrictions at the time. This was, um, summer of 2022. And my daughter was crying and she just said, well, you haven’t changed a nappy. You haven’t fed her. My milk took a while to come in, and she just went on and on and I was so upset I couldn’t speak.

You know, when you’re crying so much, the words just won’t come out. And of course, this is all in German. I didn’t speak much German or understand it at the time. And thankfully I was sharing a room with somebody, uh, a British girl who defended me. It’s what I needed at that moment. And I, for a long time, for months afterwards, I kept replaying that incident because I thought, I’m a fertility patient advocate and I fail to advocate for myself.

You know what, what’s that all about? And I had to learn to forgive myself for that. You know? I was in a really challenging situation. I did the best I could. And once I’d sort of recovered and my emotions had settled, I did lodge a complaint. Um. What they did with that. I don’t know. But you know, so all of this, and then the years and years of trying to have a child, you know, you sort of don’t believe it’s going to happen.

The more unsuccessful cycles you rack up, you know, you still go through the process, but there is less and less hope and you actually do feel very hopeless at times, but somehow you keep going as long as you can and then the baby is there and it’s just surreal. You don’t think, or at least I can’t speak for others, but for myself, I hadn’t thought much beyond that point.

Even though I had nine months of pregnancy, I was just taking it one step at a time, dealing with what I knew in the moment and that that was hard and. You know, the misconception is that once you become a mother, become a parent, that’s it. You’re just happy and life carries on and you shouldn’t complain.

And, you know, no, I, I am beyond grateful. I will always preface my comments with that. You know, of course I am, because, you know, I’m still working in this space, you know, I know what I went through and I know what others are going, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. You know, it’s, it’s motherhood. It’s first time motherhood, you know, I was in my early forties.

It’s difficult. I don’t have the energy I had in my thirties, you know? With a difficult breastfeeding journey as well. And you know, I didn’t have a lactation consultant at the hospital ’cause she was on holiday that week that I gave birth, and there was no replacement. So I had to then source a private consultant who was very German, lived up to the stereotype, just no frills, but she got the job done.

And, you know, it’s, it’s just figuring out a whole healthcare system and everything while you are trying to figure out parenting. I would say yeah, the first, definitely the first three to six months were very, very hard and after that, I sort of was able to relax into it and figure things out and feel more comfortable.

Um, and it’s definitely something I want to talk more about going forward actually, because I think there’s definitely a lot of value, especially as a South Asian woman talking about the journey to give others hope, um, and to raise awareness and educate. But what about what happens afterwards? It’s, it’s not the end of the story by any means.

And I think there is a lot of work to be done in this space as well, especially from the comments that I receive on the posts that I, uh, publish, so. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You wrote an article and there was a section, which speaks to exactly what you just said, where you said you felt like you almost romanticised what happened next.

And I kind of chuckled when I read that because you don’t know until you know, you know, as a first time mum. I remember doing that as well. Oh, when I have my son, he’ll be like this and we’ll do this, and then the baby arrives and it’s just like everything gets thrown out of the window.

Especially when you’re dealing with postpartum issues as well and healing from a C-section, you know? 

Seetal Savla: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s just a whole other kettle of fish. And what I’m curious about now is with all of the work that you did prior to your pregnancy and birth, and the work that you do now, how has your lens changed on the subjects that you talk about?

Seetal Savla: It’s a good question. I think so I recently started hosting monthly support groups for South Asian Women through Fertility Network UK and I’ve been doing that for about four or five months now. And one of the things that I realised was that I also have a lot of bias towards my community, and I just assumed that I was one of the rare lucky ones who had a supportive family that I was able to confide in about all of these issues while I was going through them, and more so now, but that’s not really the case. A lot of the women I’ve spoken to have said, you know what, we’ve had great support from not only my parents, but my in-laws. And you know that traditionally, that’s one of the jokes, right?

You know, your mother-in-law, especially with women, you know. There are two types of people. I think if you’ve suffered, you either want to inflict that pain on your daughter-in-law because I, I went through it, so you will too. You, you need to know how it feels, or I’m going to do the complete opposite and I’m, I’m so happy that my peers don’t have such negative experiences like that, that they buck the trend, so to speak. And that’s been really eyeopening and insightful actually. And then learning more about cultural issues in general. So I just wrote a piece for Fertility Matters at Work about culture and the things that we’ve discussed.

Being shunned from or not invited to baby showers, for example, if you’ve had a miscarriage because you’re considered bad luck. And people assuming that the woman is to blame when her husband may have been diagnosed with male factor fertility. Just to raise awareness, I think about how difficult, you know, it adds an extra layer onto a journey that’s already very difficult. And through that, I started listening to more podcasts, uh, about my culture and, and why these issues may exist, where they stem from. And the, it’s been, so again, I use the word eye-opening because it, it, I felt the first, like the first time I listened to a fertility podcast and I thought, I found my tribe.

The people who get it, they just understand. I felt that same way when I listened to this particular podcast Brown Girl Therapy, it’s called by Sahaj Kaur Kohli and she’s a therapist and she really does a deep dive into all of these things. You know, we can’t, for example, expect therapy level dialogue from our parents who just were not raised that way, and we have such high expectations. You know, we are grappling with things that, uh, that they didn’t have to, and that they had their own experiences. So how we, how can we be compassionate? How can we learn from them? How can we teach them? You know, that’s, uh, the sort of stage that I’m at, at the moment because it’s, it’s hard to explore all of this in full detail when you’ve got an 800 or a 1000 word count.

And, and also, how much do people want to know? You have to tailor it to the audience. But I think it’s good to educate myself on all of these things as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. What you said there about having therapy level conversations with your parents. That’s a really interesting one because I think taking it out of the cultural context, I think, you know, when we look at platforms like Instagram and TikTok and the way that people are talking about interactions with their parents, I think people are taking, you know, that kind of therapy, that kind of, not pseudo therapy, but that therapy light that they get from these platforms. 

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: And then applying them to parents who just don’t have that language and who aren’t thinking that way. And I think something that has really helped me is that, is also just remembering that it’s our parents’ first time parenting as well. Yeah. You know, whether they have one or two or three or four, you know, children that each child is individual and our parents’ first time doing life and it’s about giving grace, but not forgiveness might be too hard, you know, depending whatever issues you’ve dealt with with your family.

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: But just having that in mind and just trying to find a place where you can remember that, Okay you know, they don’t know the what they don’t know. That’s been really helpful for me personally. I really connected with what you just said there, but parenting now across cultures is an interesting one for you.

Seetal Savla: Very much so. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You grew up in Leicester where you said that you didn’t identify a hundred percent as Indian and you felt like you were living a dual life. One is a Brit and then another as an Indian, and now you live in Berlin where people, a lot of people do speak English, but you know the main tongue is German and your daughter is now experiencing multiple languages and multiple cultures.

Talk a little bit about that. 

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: You know, what you’re teaching your daughter and what you’re choosing to leave in the UK as well. 

Seetal Savla: Yeah. Um, just while you were talking, before I get onto that, um, something that came up was the frustrations. Um, when you’re trying to explain how you are feeling to your parents, you know, you’re trying to open up and you try and find that right moment as well, which is a difficult thing sometimes, and they just don’t quite get it.

The support is there, but what you’re saying doesn’t quite land, you know, and they’ll say what they feel is comforting, well-meaning, things like, well just try again. You know, you need to be strong and that’s, that’s not the right mindset. Just be positive and it’ll happen. Then they give you a story about someone’s colleague or cousin or aunt or whatever who kept going and, and finally got their baby.

And I used to get so angry. They really wound me up these kind of comments because it’s like you’re just screaming at a brick wall and nothing is going through. And you are feeling vulnerable and really misunderstood. And over time I thought, you know what? Not everything has to be an educational opportunity.

You know, you have to decide which moments and which people you can confide in, who can hold that space for you. And some people just have that limited emotional capacity and, you know, that’s, that’s just how it is. You know, we are not any better because we can handle things in a different way.

I needed to get better at picking my audience. And so I learned who could offer me that safe space to vent without those quick fix solutions and the unsolicited advice. So something we discussed, uh, at the top of the podcast about, you know, some other South Asians, what advice I’d give if they were a few steps behind at the beginning of their journey.

Identify someone who can be there for you in the way that you need, and everyone else can get the headlines and then they can get the full story basically.

So yeah, about my daughter raising a bicultural, a multicultural daughter. The plan was never to come to Berlin and, uh, have a child here.

It all happened very organically after everything. And, it is challenging because we don’t have any family here. There’s a growing Indian community, but Indians from India and we are British Asians. So there, there are differences there, not just in terms of the accent, you know? Um. We’re not really part of that community.

Like I have a few Indian friends here, but, uh, we haven’t really explored it in much detail, like going along to religious events and Diwali, et cetera. And that is something I would like to do more this year, now that she’s three and she can understand a little bit more just to see how she responds to it.

But, uh, just this weekend, we had her third birthday party here in Berlin. The first one that we, we did. They’ve all been in the UK with family before. Before this, and I was thinking, which themes could I do? And actually I went to a festival and there was a henna artist and I thought, brilliant, you know, this is a way to introduce her to her culture. And it’s fun. And you know, kids love all those, like temporary tattoos and, and I thought we could have a little bit of music and introduce our friends to, to a bit of Indian culture and henna at the same time. And it was a, a big success actually. So small steps like that, just, uh, playing a little bit of Indian music.

We used to have Bollywood Bathtime beats, you know, when, when, uh, she was a bit younger. So I’d just stick a few, um, well-known tracks on and we’d kind of dance and sing along. And now that she is playing dress up a bit more at nursery and at home. So we, we put the binley, uh, binley, sorry, that was a combination of bindi and chandla.

So we put all of those on and, and she likes to copy how I looked on my wedding day. So she puts them on her forehead everywhere around her face, um, and then dresses up in my kind of wedding jewelry and the shawls and things. So it’s really nice to see. So she’s connected, I think as much as she can be in terms of language, it’s more challenging because she goes to a German nursery all day long. And so that’s her main, the dominant language. The dominant culture on a daily basis. Uh, she speaks English at home with her dad. French with me because my background prior to fertility is, uh, a love of, uh, languages and particularly French, and I studied that I have a master’s in, I lived in, uh, Paris and Montreal for a while, so I always said if and when I have a child, I would love to teach them French.

Hopefully I’m not teaching her too many mistakes, but at this stage it should be okay. I think. And she, she understands me. But, uh, she doesn’t always respond in French. Her main language is, is English at home, I guess peppered with French and German. And then that explodes when we go back to the UK ’cause she’s surrounded by so many English speakers.

It’s an interesting mix. It’s fascinating, I find. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. But that feels, that feels so European and it just feels. It feels so, it feels so modern to be able to navigate. She’ll be able to navigate across multiple cultures and 

Seetal Savla: I hope so. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Speak. Yeah, I think that that’s so brilliant. 

Seetal Savla: Yeah.

In terms of Gujarati, just to touch on, uh, finish up with languages. My husband and I both went to Gujarati school. We were spoken to in Gujarati by our grandparents and parents, and that’s something that she doesn’t have right now. And we thought, should we get grandparents to speak to her in Gujarati? But in the end, we thought four languages is quite confusing and it’s not something that she necessarily needs to know right now.

We don’t have to lay the foundation for that. In the future, who knows? You know, the plan isn’t to stay in Berlin forever. So if we do end up going back to the UK, I think based on what I’ve seen, she might pick it up quickly in an organic kind of way, which would be nice. I think I’m quite scarred by having gone to Gujarati school for seven years.

I don’t want to send her, I think the same goes for my husband as well, so yeah, she, but we do obviously you used the old word here and there and it’s quite cute to hear her singing Gujarati nursery rhymes that her grand has taught her, so that’s nice. So we, we’ve, we’ve sort of got one toe in 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: Indian culture at the moment.

And slowly we’d like to build on that. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And thinking about the last part of the fertility conversation, where as you said, conceive naturally. But then you had these embryos and there’s been a lot of conversation about embryo storage and there’s limits.

And you wrote an article last year about giving away your embryos after six years of trying, and then 

Seetal Savla: that’s right. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you talk a little bit more about this, especially, in the piece, which is in The Times, if anyone wants to look it up, where you talked about the South, south Asian angle.

Can you say more about this? 

Seetal Savla: In terms of, uh, wanting to donate to a South Asian couple. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, 

Seetal Savla: yeah. Uh, so we, oh, it’s a long story in terms of our donor conception journey, but, um, in a nutshell, we are a South Asian couple, but I personally didn’t want to have a South Asian egg donor, and part of the reason is the long wait.

We were told at that point that we’d be waiting for about two to three years in the UK and we didn’t want to go abroad. A lot of people do, but because COVID was kind of on the horizon and we were worried about costs and we just wanted to stay in the UK and, and simplify the process as much as possible.

We decided to use British egg donors from a Spanish and Portuguese background. Uh, in the end we had one Spanish and one Ecuadorian, uh, lady who kindly donated and. Another reason for remaining in the UK was that the donation would be, uh, non-anonymous. And so that way, uh, when our child turned 18, if we were lucky enough to have a baby, they would have access to the donors identifying information if they wanted to then contact them, they could.

And that was important for me. You can go abroad and have an anonymous donor, and that’s a very personal decision. Uh, and I, I respect that for, but for me, I wanted to be able to give that opportunity to our child. So, yeah. Uh, I didn’t want an Asian donor and we were lucky enough to be matched and, um, we did two cycles.

The first one was cancelled and so didn’t result in any embryos. Second one, we had one put back. Sadly, that ended in, uh, the missed miscarriage and had two after that in London and we were recovering from the miscarriage. We just felt so burnt out in every sense of the word after all these years of trying.

And you know, with the pregnancy we got so close, you know, we were two months in and uh, then we, you know, heard those horrible words. I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat. So we were taking time out just to take stock. Do we want to go again? Can we handle another loss? You know, should we just accept that maybe our future is going to be childless, not by choice.

And as we were pondering all these questions, um, I got pregnant and then, you know, had my daughter. And so we just kind of paid for another year of storage. Just push that decision further down the line. And, you know, when the time came to renew again, we thought, okay, that’s just wasting, you know, we, we need to make a decision now and we thought, that’s it. We can’t, we need to close the door on, uh, the IVF chapter. Now, you know, we have our daughter, how blessed we are, and we want to focus on her. And so the options for us at that point were to let the embryos go and the options are different for everybody. You can also have something called a compassionate transfer where you try have them transferred at a time when you are unlikely to get pregnant, just so that you know, you complete that process in, in a compassionate way.

Uh, which I don’t think many people know about it, and I hadn’t found out about it until years down the line actually. And then donation is the other option, either to your clinic or to research projects or to another couple. And now, because, um, we’d used my husband’s sperm and him being South Asian and we know about the shortages within our community. We wanted to donate to another couple, and I sort of left that decision to him. Obviously, I had my opinions, but given that it was his genetic material, I wanted him to be sure of what he was doing and I’d, I’d support him either way. So I was pleased when, when he said he actually wanted to donate them.

We went ahead with that, but sadly, a few months later, we found that our donor had, um, withdrawn consent and for personal reasons, uh, we, we won’t know why, and we were able to donate them to our clinic for, um, training. And, uh, yeah, it was at the time I wrote the article, you know, they, they’d been donated or they were about to be donated to another couple.

So yeah, the, the story continues even when you think that, uh, you’ve reached the end of it. It was a difficult decision actually. Um, I understand why people don’t wish to donate because, you know, especially if they’re created using both of your eggs and sperm, and if you have a child that they will have a, a sibling elsewhere and you, you have no right, uh, to be in contact with them unless they decide to do so later on, and that, that’s very hard.

But yeah, for us, that felt like the right decision.

Le’Nise Brothers: Something I’m really curious about is in the advocacy work that you do, you share parts of your story, that’s kind of part and parcel of being a writer and writing about personal experiences, and you have had therapy, which you referenced earlier.

Can you just talk a little bit about that part of it, telling your story and telling parts of your story again and again. 

Seetal Savla: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: Is that cathartic? Is there a point where you tell your story and you can have distance from it, or does it bring up emotions for you? 

Seetal Savla: Is it cathartic?

Yes and no. In a way, yes, because. It helps me to evacuate all those emotions. It helps me to know that I’m helping other people. As I said earlier, I’m learning as well. It’s not just about me imparting my knowledge. Uh, it’s seeing things from a different perspective through different lenses and um, and I’m grateful that I have that opportunity as well.

But no, sometimes it’s very difficult to relive the story and relive the trauma. You, you become disconnected from it in a way because, you know, when I do a podcast, often they’re fertility podcasts. And so the first question is tell us about your story. And you condense it, you know, into about five minutes or so.

Um, and you get used to reeling off the facts. You know, you’ll say it was unsuccessful, um, it was a failure. And unfortunately, words like that. But you sort of become removed from them, I think. And there, there are then events that bring those emotions to the fore. So last year I was involved with Stylist’s Every Loss Counts campaign to raise awareness about baby and pregnancy loss and to help shape policies going forward to give everyone the care they deserve because right now there is a lot lacking in, in, in terms of care and awareness and, that’s a whole separate topic. There were a group of us nine advocates. We sat around in a circle and we just talked. We had the space and the time to really go into everything. No one stopped us and there weren’t any questions.

It was just say what you want to say, however you wish to say it. And there were a lot of tears and a lot of hugs. And I went round and I told my story, and it’s only when others were really going deep into theirs and, you know, the tears were flowing that it sort of evoked something in me as well. And I said, look, I, I’d like to just revisit what I said and, and go deeper into how I felt when, especially with the miscarriage, you know, having had that experience in Berlin, different country, different language, different culture. I was alone in that moment, you know? And I think for all the work I do, for all of the, the network, you know, the support that I’ve built up in the community, I was absolutely on my own in that moment.

And it was terrifying because I didn’t know if I would haemorrhage. I didn’t know whether to call for help. Part of me wanted to, and then I thought, oh God, it’s going to be in German. It’s going to stress me out even more. Let me just go on autopilot, go home and deal with whatever comes my way, you know, and these kind of things I have written about that, but I haven’t fully shared it because. As important as it is to raise awareness. I don’t also want to scare people. Um, I don’t want to trigger people, you know, reading that I have had people message me and, you know, they’ve had pregnancies after loss and they’ve said, you know, you, you talk about miscarriage and I think it’s wonderful.

It’s helped me, but right now I am pregnant after loss and it’s just too much, you know? Um, and I hope you understand that. And obviously I do. You know, I’ve been there. I’ve muted and unfollowed. So yeah, it does become hard at points and and being a parent now, and one of the things that has really surprised me that I didn’t expect, I guess you read about it, but like you said, you don’t know until you know, and you’re in the thick of it is all of the unhealed wounds that come up.

You know, all that inner child work you have to do about the way you were parented and forgiving your parents for the things they did. They did the best they could. You know, they wanted to heal themselves as well. The trauma that it, that we inherit, you know? And how you want to do things differently in the world that we’re in right now.

So, you know, I feel quite fragile sometimes, and I need to step back from it all because dealing with that, while talking about, you know, the IVF and you know, sharing photos of all the needles and then the bloodstained shoes and things, it’s as if you’re thrown back into that really painful moment.

Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: And yeah, I do. That’s when I feel overwhelmed like that. I do just sort of take some time out and, um, yeah, try to focus on myself, um, get back to where I need to be. And because it matters to me, I feel like this is my purpose. I went through all of this. And I’m in a privileged position where I can share it to help myself and help other people and hopefully be part of the change that we need to see going forward.

But it is heavy work. I’m not a trained therapist, you know, I don’t know how to process it myself. I guess I’m learning, you know, every time, especially with these support groups as well. And, and then the dms you receive outside of that, people. You know, I tell them that my dms are open, so then they tell me their stories and it’s a privilege to hear them.

But also, you know, they, they lay heavy on my heart as well, because I just feel so deeply for everything that they’re going through and all the suffering that they have to do often in silence, you know? So yes, it is cathartic, but also, no, it’s, it’s hard. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. I, I ask that because I think about that in my own personal experience where I don’t really share a lot of my personal story, but even the work that I do and what people share with me, I do find it quite heavy and I end up having to do a lot of clearing work where I have to just, you know, step away and just sometimes just read absolute nonsense just to kind of, but nothing that’s too heavy. And, um, 

Seetal Savla: yeah, I watch more reality TV than I ever have done, actually, I started doing that in pregnancy because prior to that I loved heavy, especially French stuff. You know, the dramas, the books, you know, stuff that if you described it to someone, they’d be like, why do you wanna know more about that?

And now it is, you know, a lot of Love Is Blind

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, yeah. 

Seetal Savla: You know, Virgin River, like I love American small town dramas as well for some reason. Just, I guess it’s, you know, and even then you’re not. Free from those fertility plot lines. They kind of crop up when you least expect them. And they have really caught me off guard as well, which is great.

On the one hand, you know, we’re discussing it more openly, but sometimes God I just wanna, you know, watch something that has nothing to do with that. And yeah, that, that was a tricky thing when I was recovering from my miscarriage actually. ’cause I thought, what can I watch? I wanna get stuck into a series, you know, just lay in bed and drink wine.

And eventually I settled on um, Dawson’s Creek. And if I remember rightly, there wasn’t anything in that about pregnancy or nothing that really set me off. So for anyone who’s listening and going through a difficult time, I think Dawson’s Creek is pretty safe and you have a few seasons to get through, so that’s good.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Oh yeah. And for any Dawson’s Creek fans, the actors who played Pacey and Joey, they’re actually filming a new movie, so 

Seetal Savla: I saw that. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. 

Seetal Savla: I love them. I was rooting for them and I, you know, it’s such a shame the way things pan out. A big Joshua, Joshua Jackson fan. Actually, I love him in The Affair.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Yeah. So what do you have going on now? What do you have going on next work-wise? 

Seetal Savla: Oh, there’s a lot of stuff, I’m sort of pivoting into in-person events, so I experimented with that for the first time a couple of months ago now, I think in Berlin. And so having had that experience with the Stylist and having felt firsthand how powerful it is to connect like that and create that safe space.

I wanted to recreate that in Berlin. And so yeah, I got some women together and it was all very casual. Just, you know, tell me as much as you want to. I’ll tell you a little bit about my story. Let’s support one another. And it was so beautiful watching them open up to one another. Um, to me. And we cried and we hugged.

And then afterwards when we were leaving, they were just chatting away, swapping numbers and uh, giving each other tips and therapists and events and books and films. And I thought, this is just, you know, my heart felt so full and so warm, and I was, it was so rewarding to see that actually that I had made this happen, that I’d connected people who, strangers previously, so I’d love to do more of that, uh, if I can get some sponsorship. So, uh, if there are any, uh, potential sponsors listening, that would be wonderful. Continue with writing. Uh, that is where I started and, uh, I find. I find it easier to arrange my thoughts that way and then just kind of put it on the page, come back to it, tweak it, you know?

I also enjoy speaking events. I’ve done a lot of, uh, podcasts as well, and it’s nice to see where the conversation flows. You know, we have our list of questions, but then it always goes off in a, on tangents, which is great. This year, as I do every year, I went back to The Fertility Show to be a host, a seminar host, and then also host panel discussions, which I love doing.

So more of that and speaking at the Birth Better annual birth trauma summit as well. Just sharing my experiences of fertility trauma and how that impacts the way I parent, you know, it would be great to do more of that, uh, more often. Yeah. And some exciting partnerships in the pipeline as well with brands and, uh, clinics.

So yeah, it’s, it’s all happening right now.

Le’Nise Brothers: What are some places that people can find out more about what you’re doing and, and get in touch if they want to?

Seetal Savla: So LinkedIn and then Instagram. I live on both of these platforms. That’s kind of how I feel these days. My handle is @seetalsavla, just my name. I am also present on Facebook and X, formerly known as Twitter. Now Twitter used to be my favorite platform actually, but then it became a bit of a cesspit.

So yeah, it’s, yeah, Instagram definitely. And uh, LinkedIn, and then email as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Great. And all the links will be in the show notes. What’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with? 

Seetal Savla: Not really sure how to answer that. Actually, while you were talking, there was one thing that we didn’t cover and that was sort of my relationship to my period now, and we talked about how it was then that, yeah, they were heavy, but it didn’t negatively impact my life. Not too much anyway. And going through a fertility journey, you know, every month when you see that your period has started and I have such a feeling of resentment towards it. I think it, you know, ’cause it represents failure, you know, another month where your dream hasn’t come true. And I feel that even now, three years later, you know, three years after my daughter was born, you know, I still see it and it still for a moment catches me and I’m like, ugh.

And then I think, no, I’m not trying to conceive, but you know, the, the scars run deep basically. And you know, even if the wounds heal as they say.

What would I want to leave people with?

That whatever you’re feeling, I think there, there is support out there and that’s the wonderful thing, that you can educate yourself, you can take control of your journey. Wonderful podcasts like this. So many books, films, events, panel discussions. You don’t have to be left in the dark.

You can connect with people who understand how you’re feeling and self-advocacy. You know, we hear more and more about this, it’s a difficult thing because there are so many barriers and you yourself can know that there’s a problem and then you go to your GP and you’re dismissed, repeatedly dismissed.

And it takes a lot of energy, a lot of drive to, to insist that you get referrals and things. But keep persisting if you feel that there is something that’s not quite right. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Thank you so much. Those are wide wise words and all the links for everything you’ve talked about and the platforms to get in touch with you will be on the show notes.

Thank you so much for your time today and for everything that you’ve shared. 

Seetal Savla: Thank you so much for having me. It’s been wonderful. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 96, Dr Joyce Omatseye: No Doctor Should Feel Offended If You Seek A Second Opinion

I’m so pleased to speak to Dr Joyce Omatseye, a UK-based medical doctor, health advocate and digital health innovator on today’s episode of Period Story podcast. 

In this episode, Dr Joyce shares: 

  • Why it’s important that both girls and boys are educated about periods
  • Cultural differences around talking about menstrual health between the UK and Nigeria
  • What led to her launching her health events organisation Ara Nini Health 
  • How creating safe spaces for discussions on fertility, reproductive health and fertility has opened conversations across multiple generations of women
  • What it means to be a Black female doctor in the UK
  • How she advocates for her patients 
  • Her work with WHO Fides to combat misinformation in global health and why we need to be aware of what we’re consuming online 
  • How to be prepared for conversations with your doctor
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Dr Joyce says that we should never be afraid to ask the questions we need to in a doctor’s appointment and if you feel you’re not being listened to, ask for a second opinion. She says that there’s no doctor that should feel offended by you asking for a second opinion. 

Thank you, Dr Joyce!

Get in touch with Dr Joyce:

Instagram

Ara Nini Health


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you so much for coming onto the show today, Dr. Joyce. I’m really excited to speak to you and hear about your journey. You’ve just passed your final exam, complete your medical training, which is super exciting. But first let’s talk about the story of your first period. 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah. Oh my God.

I don’t know. I actually remember this story so well and I’m so glad I do because now my work is all about periods and women’s health. But I remember that I was actually in Texas with my cousin, so we went on family holiday and my parents were meant to meet us after and for a week, two weeks that we were there, we were waiting for a water park like we were going to, I think it was called Schlitterbahn Waterpark.

I can’t remember the actual name, but it was just water Park and we were so excited and on the day that we were meant to go for, we were getting ready, went to use the toilet, and my period had started. And I’m not going to lie, my first experience with my period was actually me feeling so disappointed.

So I was really kind of upset that I was like, no, because I have my period, I can’t swim, I can’t go to the water park. Um, so that was, that was kind of the story around my first period. And I remember calling my mom and then just being like, mom, my period started, you’re not here. Because she had had conversations before, so I knew, ’cause a lot of my friends had started their periods before I had started mine.

So I knew at some point I would get a period. But I think it just came at, it felt like it came at the wrong time for me. But after I spoke to my mom, it felt I felt much better. Still went to the water park. I think I tried to see if I could put a tampon in, but that’s a different story. It didn’t work.

I didn’t know my, I didn’t know how to do that. So it still went, but it wasn’t a different type of experience. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And after your initial disappointment that you got your period and you were so excited to go to the waterpark and you know, these early stories of like water and periods, they just seemed to be so just traumatic.

What was your experience of your period then, like as you moved through your teenage years? 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, so I think obviously after that initial period, my mom was very, I think also ’cause I was so like emotional about my first period, even though I said I was prepared that I was coming. After that, I think I had a decent relationship with my periods ’cause it wasn’t too heavy and it wasn’t too painful. Um, even though, which we, we can speak about later, but there, that’s something I was definitely scared of because when I went to school in Nigeria, we had lots of girls older than us, you know, when we were in boarding school and things.

So I would get really worried about having a period and really worried about it being so painful. But I had a much better relationship with my period and knowing when it was coming. But I think back then we weren’t doing, there were no apps, so there was nothing like tracking your period. There was nothing like that.

So it was just kind of like, oh, surprise, you’re here. What am I doing? I hope I don’t have anything that’s going to disrupt me with. And again, I grew up in Nigeria, so I think it was just a completely different time and in terms of the conversations that were had around it. It wasn’t something that, it was like, you’re on your period.

Yay. This is what you do. You would be in school, your period would start, you would hide your pads. It still kind of felt like that, like nothing to really talk too much about. But at home I felt like. My, you know, my mom was like, you’re a woman now. This is what happens. And I’m like, okay, great.

But it, the overall society feel around periods and all of that didn’t feel like that. It didn’t feel like, kind of a safe space to talk about. Yeah, I can’t really remember having any conversations in school about our periods and what they mean and, and I mean periods and what they mean. Yes, in biology class, but in terms of heavy periods, how to manage things like that.

I can’t remember clearly having that, those conversations. 

Le’Nise Brothers: That’s so interesting that you mentioning biology class with my son is he’s, uh, 11 and in year seven and he has his end of year exams at the moment. And for biology, one of the things that he’s learning about is the menstrual cycle and Okay, I can help you with that.

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, I can actually help you with this. I know everything.

Le’Nise Brothers: And uh, it’s just so interesting. We were doing these quizzes and I was like, okay read out the question and you tell me what they answer. Yeah. And he got all of them right. And I said I am amazed. And he said, well, I do hear your conversations. I hear what you’re saying.

Dr Joyce Omatseye: See why that’s so important. Because I think it’s different when they tell you, when it’s like, okay to pass your exams for you to understand where’s, what’s going on. ’cause a lot of people are gonna cram that, get that knowledge in and not really absorb it. But he’s probably around you where you’re talking about periods so much.

So now it’s like, ah, I totally understand. My mom speaks about periods. I get why that makes sense. And so it is really important to have those conversations again, not just with girls, but with boys as well. Yeah. Whereas I guess I said about the hiding your pads and hiding on your period, it just so that the boys don’t know you on your period.

Like it was more around that rather than being ashamed to speak to girls necessarily about periods. So it’s really interesting. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Talking a little bit about cultural differences, so

Dr Joyce Omatseye: mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Growing up in Nigeria and then now you’re working in the UK. Can you say more about those cultural differences?

Because I think that like you gave the impression that the UK is probably more open, but I’m not sure if it if it is. 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, so I think when it comes to women’s health, I think globally there is so much that actually needs to be done in terms of conversations. And I think my unique experience, which I’m so grateful for, is the fact that I’ve lived in Nigeria.

I’ve been able to experience it completely different like it’s my culture and what it’s like growing up in a different in in, in Nigeria. And then coming to the UK in my more adult teenager years and seeing how that conversation changes and then being a doctor where I’m dealing with patients that are, you know, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 50, 60, 20 but still being able to go back to Nigeria and speak to again, women across so just comparing and contrasting their experiences, I would say that. Now in general, there’s more conversations with the UK and Nigeria, I would say that. But when I was growing up as the taboo around periods, women’s health conditions, I didn’t know about a heavy period like, oh, your period can be heavy.

I didn’t know that painful periods were not normal. Okay. And I remember very clearly, and there was a girl that was older than us, I wouldn’t say her name, but I remember every time she would be in her period, I was year seven and she was in like year 10 or year 11, we would all be looking at her and feeling so bad, like, is this what is coming?

Is this, and everyone would just be like, no, she’s fine. It’s normal. That’s just how her periods are. So I just feel like growing up in Nigeria there was less of a, here you have sex education, you have, um, you have classes that are built into conversations that are built outside the classroom, outside the curriculum, around your periods and women’s health.

I didn’t necessarily, we didn’t have that growing up in Nigeria. And again, things may have changed and I think things are changing where we’re having these open conversations, but there’s still so much that needs to be done. And we’re not just talking about, okay, you get a period and we’re not just talking about ’cause I think the conversations, especially growing up was do not touch a boy because you’ll be pregnant. That’s more like, it’s more fear. It’s more this is a bad thing to do, rather than actually, let’s understand your bodies and this is what happened with your bodies and you need to be comfortable with it and you need to be able to know what’s normal so that if anything changes, then we know how to, that type of conversation didn’t happen and that’s why I do a lot of work within that at right now.

Um, because what I found is that a lot of my friends that had gone through universities, have been in the top universities, and first, and I have great jobs, and even my aunties, there’s so many, so many things we didn’t know and we’re already not 25 and they’re already fifties and they’ve already had babies and we’re asking questions that really should have been taught or should have been spoken about in an open manner since when we were younger.

So I would say yes, I don’t think the UK is necessarily there yet, but if I compare our experiences, there is so much taboo talking about things like this and there’s a lot of fear mongering in our culture around health and around periods and pregnancy and boys and girls. And I think it’s about how we start changing that conversation as well.

And also, there’s a lot to talk about in those topics, but I would say it, it’s definitely. There’s definitely a huge difference and it wasn’t something that was openly talked about. My mom did a good job, uh, around like, hi, let’s talk about the birds and the bees. I remember being so shy every time she would bring it up, I would be like, I don’t wanna talk about it.

I don’t know. This is so awkward. But I think she made an effort to, made a big effort to make sure that I was educated and I was aware and I wasn’t just learning about it in biology class for an exam. I was learning about it in conversation with my mom, which I thought was really important. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Were your friends having a similar experience?

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Now I don’t actually think a lot of my friends had conversations with their parents, but again, that’s not something that we spoke about, so it’s not something that we necessarily spoke about. Like, oh, has your mom spoken to you about this? It wasn’t just, it is just when your period comes, you say, I’m on my period, or I have my tummy pain.

You go to the sick bay and then once it’s out, we don’t talk about, we just don’t talk about it. Whereas now, because I’m the doctor of the group. Everyone feels comfortable speaking about their periods. Everyone feels more comfortable coming to me and talking about what concerns that they may have, and so that’s why now it’s like, it’s literally my mission to make these conversations so normal in the safest of spaces.

It’s like almost bringing it into where you would take your mom to like bring your mom for your brunch. Yeah. And let’s about periods together. Because I also realised, I think one of the events I organised, I learned about new things from my mom because she also felt comfortable. ‘Cause it’s, if conversations come up, then they can say, oh actually I had this as well and I had this as well.

But if you’re not naturally having those conversations, it may never come up. You just tick the box of the period happened. It stopped, now let me move on. But I think, yeah, the, there was a lot of. Or lack there of, of conversation around periods. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. What you said there about having conversations with your mom and then finding out new things.

Something similar happened to me where I retrained as a nutritionist and then started getting into this specialism, and then I told my mom, oh yeah, I definitely, I’m gonna specialse in women’s health and periods and all of that. And then she was like, oh yeah, well, did you know that I had fibroids?

And I was like, 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: you think my mom told me she had fibroids when I was like. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I know because all I knew is that she had had a hysterectomy. Yeah. And I just remember this time where she was really unwell. I knew that she had really heavy, really painful periods. It turns out she had this fibroid that was like the size of a grapefruit.

Oh. And they told her that she, the only option was to have, this is in the nineties, that to have a hysterectomy. And she told me this and I was like, oh. Well, I mean, I wish you had told me this like much earlier because I thank God I don’t have fibroids myself, but I did have really heavy periods and all of that and, but anyway, it’s just nice that when you have these conversations and you’re really open that like it just plants the seed.

Dr Joyce Omatseye: It does. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I think this really leads really nicely into this work that you’re doing in this space where you have, you’ve founded a, an organisation which is really focused on creating safe spaces for discussions on fertility, reproductive health and mental wellbeing. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit more about this and also just to kind of continue the, the thread of cultural differences.

Do you notice any difference in the kind of questions that you get asked in the UK compared to in Nigeria and in Ghana? 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, so my organisation’s called Ara Nini Health. So Ara Nini means good health in Itsekiri it’s one of the tribes I’m from in Nigeria. And to be honest with you, this wasn’t, it wasn’t meant to be a thing, it was meant to be a one-off event, um, because as I said earlier a lot of people had found that I was as I was a doctor and as I was sharing more about, you know, online and health education, I felt like more people felt more comfortable speaking to me, who are my friends, right? And even my aunties. And I realised, I was like, mom, there actually isn’t much. Like, I’m lucky I have you.

And actually, because I’m the doctor, I’m, I’m actually comfortable asking uncomfortable questions and no one feels weird because I can say, I can ask any question. They’re like, ah, she’s the doctor. She’s finding that out. But other people still don’t have that, they don’t have the, I don’t need to say guts, but to, to kind of just to ask the those questions. So I remember speaking to my mom and I was like, you look, we’re coming back for Christmas. I know I don’t have enough time, but I think I would like to do a small event with is my friends and your friends and I just would like to do a one-off, um, women’s health talk.

And she was like, yeah, go. Go for it. And before that happened in December, I had taken a year out of my training and I went back to Nigeria. And this is where I think it triggered a lot because I had, that’s when I started speaking more to my aunties and they would ask me questions and I asked my, my auntie who owned a salon, if I could give a talk to the ladies that worked in the salon, because that’s a salon that I go to all the time.

They know me, they’ve known me for years. And she was talking about maybe giving, doing cervical screening for the ladies there. So I said, let me do my first ever talk. And it was really great. Like these are ladies that had babies, but they didn’t know how to check their breasts. They didn’t know what a cervix was, which I understand why they didn’t know what a cervix was because we’re not taught a cervix.

We’re taught vagina, we’re taught the fallopian tubes, ovaries, and the womb. No one actually spoke about the cervix. So when you’re telling them to go for cervical screening, they didn’t understand. Obviously no, we, you won’t, most people didn’t understand what you mean by cervical screening. You have to break that down.

So, because that happened, I think around April. In December, I was like, oh, let’s just do the one-off event. And my mom was like, okay, fine. If you, if you want to, I’ll, I definitely have friends. I was like, 20 friends will come. And I decided to just come up with a name and do like a page. So it’s not like Joyce is organising, it’s inviting you.

And we put tickets up and within three days we had a hundred and something women sign up. A hundred and something women in Nigeria sign up for a topic that just says, let’s talk about women’s health. That’s all. It wasn’t anything fancy. And on the day we had over a hundred ladies there and it was incredible.

We had the older generation in front and we, I’m, when I say older generation, I’m sure they’re, my aunties are in their fifties and sixties. I don’t think they’re old. Right. And we had the younger generation at the back and the older generation didn’t mind putting their hand up and saying this is my experience.

And the younger generation had questions and papers and it was actually incredible because that was the first time I’ve ever said, period out loud on a microphone, or even heard that out loud on a microphone. And after that one-off event, then they were like, when is the next event? When are we doing this again?

And I was like, well, it was only meant to be one thing. And since then we’ve been able to look for ways to incorporate. I know everyone’s doing like Pilates now, but that was one of the first events we were like, we’re going to do fitness and ’cause Pilates was, was coming in then. So it’s like, how do I attract you to come in, want you to come for something, and then speak to you about what’s important.

So I try and do events that are curated around experiences that women actually want to be in. So you want to go for Pilates with your friends, you want to go for brunch with your mom, you want to go for a really nice dinner, but we’re gonna speak about the topics that really matter. And luckily it’s been, we’ve been only two years, but we’ve had over 18 events.

We’ve had over 18, 17 events across London, Lagos, and Accra, and it’s really been incredible. And to be honest with you, when you ask me what questions are different, it’s actually very much similar. It’s actually similar in terms of what people ask. They ask at their, about their periods, they ask about fibroids.

They want to know about what painful periods mean and what that could mean. They ask about their general wellbeing, um, a lot about like skin health. It’s actually very much women, uh, women globally. It’s really, really interesting. But there’s nothing in I think it’s more maybe generational. Like what age groups?

So age groups will talk about different things. Like, uh, we had a fertility dinner recently that was more late twenties, early thirties, late thirties that came in. When we have our Pilates, we have mostly from our 20 year olds and above. So when we have our brunches. We have the, from 20 to 60, we even had one, a grandma come for the last one and it was really incredible to see three generations and she took the microphone and she said.

She was so glad to be in that space because she never had that throughout her 80 something years of life. And so the fact that she could even come in and contribute and tell us about her own journey, um, even though she was the only 80-year-old, there was so incredible to see three generations, eighties, fifties and the twenties and thirties.

And recently I had a Pilates event and I took my 12-year-old cousin. 13-year-old cousin to it. Um, and it was on skincare and when she got back she was like, mom, do you check your breasts? Have you checked your breasts today? And I was like, that’s exactly what we want you to feel comfortable with, saying breasts and making sure your mom knows she’s checked her breasts and making sure your mom knows that that’s important and you learning how to check your breasts early on as well.

So it’s really been an incredible journey so far. And I feel like there’s still so much to do. Yeah. There’s still so much to do. But I think we need to start bringing, I just want to make these conversations normal, and I want women to come in and feel like safe and loved and just relaxed. And then we can talk about the serious stuff.

Because what I find, especially with Black women and Black and brown women, is we only learn about our health when we’re panicking in the GP practice. And I’ve been a patient. Panicking as a doctor in the GP practice, so I know how hard it can be being on the other side. And so my main thing is like just teaching people on how to advocate for themselves and just basic knowledge.

And then we can start building on those knowledge blocks. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Say a little bit more about that because you finished all of your medical training.

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: 12 years. 12 year journey. Uh, you must feel incredible right now. 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Right? 

Le’Nise Brothers: And you are a Black female doctor in the UK. Say a little bit more about what you, what it means to be a Black female doctor in the UK.

Yeah. And the other side of it, which is Black female patients seeing someone that looks like them. 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, and I can’t say how important it is that we have Black doctors. We have brown doctors that patients see people that look like them because I see the effects. Do you know how many times my patient has walked in and they’ve been like hi. They’re excited and I’m like, I know, I know. Or they, or we have the consultation, we finish and they always kind of give that like, don’t change. Thank you for being here. Just because they’re just excited that they see someone that looks like them, that will probably understand more about them.

And there’s so many times. Where I’ve had to advocate for my patients knowing fully well that she has a Nigerian accent. She’s not aggressive, she’s actually not being aggressive right now. She’s stating how she feels, but because she has this accent, you think she’s being aggressive? Or one of my other patients that felt so comfortable saying, you know what, doctor?

Can I take off my wig? I’m like, yeah, take off your wig ’cause we’re going to be doing some manoeuvres. Having that level of peace and relaxation and knowing that your doctor will understand or will listen because they under they have lived that experience is really important and I found that my patients don’t hold back in saying, I’m so glad I can see you here and I’m so glad you are here.

And I think for me as a Black doctor, it’s also important for me to understand that Black women are disadvantaged like we are affected in a very, we have one of the poorest outcomes when we talk about childbirth, the fact that we’re four times more likely to die than our white counterparts. It’s really scary.

This doesn’t matter how educated you are, how much knowledge you feel like you have, whether you are the doctor or not. The experiences I’ve heard from actual doctors who are obstetricians and gynaecologists also go through within a system is actually really scary. So for me, it’s actually my role to sit down as someone who’s almost on the inside to be able to like, okay, I see the problems. I see the issues that may be having, I see the systemic issues that, you know are Here, how do I also be a bridge to be able to be like, this is how you need to navigate, this is how you need to advocate for yourself. Because if you do not say this, if you do not come in and express or keep those symptoms, so I know and I can match it up, it may be hard for me to understand.

So I think for me it’s important that I not only a doctor to be able understand how a system works and understand what our struggles as doctor and healthcare professionals are to be able to also be a Black woman for my friends, my family, my community, and wider to be able to say, look as women as well I know it’s not easy. But there’s certain things that we have to now do to make sure that we’re advocating for ourselves and we’re making our voices heard. So my patients that, especially who are Black, especially when I get the Black, my Black aunt aunties, they’re all like, Hey, my daughter, okay, I’m praying for you.

And I’m, I’m so grateful. And it gives you so much more purpose in life. And I think for me as well, I never, I want to be able to still go back to Nigeria and go back to not only Nigeria. I go back to Africa in whole and actually make a difference, not just in the UK. Like, that’s so important to me because I grew up in Nigeria.

The reason why I wanted to do medicine was because of my doctors and the experiences I’ve seen in Nigeria. And yeah, there’s just so much work that needs to be done everywhere. And there’s just, for me, that’s what makes me, I feel like I want to be more than a doctor because there’s so much more that has to be done past me just being med, doing medicine.

So it’s been 12 years. Six years of medical school, six years of being a doctor. Can’t believe I’m finally at the end of training. But I think this is almost the beginning of another journey of figuring out how do we make that impact? Like how do we, you know, get more people together and work with other people.

Because the, the mission is too big to do by yourself, right? Mm-hmm. Um, so it’s really important for representation matters so much, and I think especially now. Women need to feel that their doctors are listening and their doctors understand. And to be honest with you, unless you know, people can understand and can be educated, I understand.

But you need to have healthcare professionals that also look like you, that understand your culture and can also educate their peers and be like, no, this is what she’s trying to say here. This is what we mean. You need to understand her anxiety around this because so if we’re not in those species, then who’s gonna be thinking about us?

So that’s why it’s really, it’s like medicine is not easy. The journey’s not easy. The systems are not easy, but I’m, my motivation comes way more than just my clinic or like the four clinic goals. There’s so much more that we have to do and I feel like I have to do. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So you mentioned something really interesting there around that example of the, your patient who had a Nigerian accent and 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers: She was speaking to another doctor, another healthcare professional. Yeah. Who thought that she was being aggressive. So you had to advocate on her, her behalf. 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yep. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say a little bit more about having to advocate on behalf of patients or other doctors, but also any kind of educating that you’ve had to do to fellow doctors and fellow medical professionals?

Because we know that, you know, there is some myths that still persist, you know, like, yeah. Black people and pain. Can you say a bit more about that? 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, I think there’s still a long way to go. ‘Cause there those myths, like Black people and pain and Black people don’t feel as much pain.

And there, there’s so many myths out there. And to be honest with you, I think there are still people that believe the, these things. Um, and I think for me what I always say my superpower is, and every doctor’s superpower should be, is listening. And I felt like, for example, in that situation.

Nobody was I was standing, so I was working and hearing the conversation. ’cause I, it, it wasn’t, I was hearing the conversation, it wasn’t my direct patient. And all this woman needed someone to do was listen to what she was trying to say. And I think that especially when you, you the sudden accents as in a Nigerian accent, we are straight to the point.

We loud our voices loud. It’s like I can’t whisper, I can’t. Talk, talk. Not, I’m not shouting, I’m just stating my point. So I think for me it’s what I can do on an individual basis sometimes, because I’ve been a junior doctor for a long time, right? So now it’s like almost how do we get into the point where you’re now educating at a, not just individual, but I’m able to now do the to, to masses, right?

And for people to truly understand. But for me, I’ve had to do that individual education because there’s many times where I’ve felt my maybe a colleague has, has made comments that I feel may be racist or they may have not realised was, and the microaggressions, and I’ve had to speak out. Okay. And if that made things awkward for me, it’s like, if you think that’s about that patient, you need to understand that that’s what you think about me.

I’m not different because you think I’m a doctor, right? Or because you think I’m working with you. So there are many times where I’ve had to almost do it on an individual basis, and that’s. That’s how I’ve almost advocated for patients in terms of standing there. Can you listen now? You listen Now, can you understand I’m not a ghost whisperer.

I don’t whisper and people relax. Okay? I just sit down, listen what to what the problem is and explain to you can you understand why she has a concern with that and why that’s a problem, and go from there. But I think sometimes people just make that judgment from. Just looks and what you feel like or what preconceived microaggressions that they do have, and you don’t know that when you have that as a medical professional, and this is why I told some of the people I’ve spoken to, it is dangerous if you hand over a patient in a way that seems careless and almost making stereo and very stereotypical, you are basically, that’s a dangerous act because if the next doctor should think, oh, this is just a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah type patient, then they, the patient may not get what they need and then you’re dealing with lives.

So it’s not about just a simple statement. It’s not just about a simple microaggression. There’s nothing simple about a microaggression or the stereotypes that you have. Especially when it comes to healthcare because it can significantly or negatively affect a patient. And I’ve had to be really headstrong because most times I’m sit down really friendly.

But there are times where I’ve had to be really like straight to the point. ’cause it’s really important. And I think when you show, when, as you as a colleague, show how important that is to you. Then it’s almost like, okay, I get it. I, I get it and I’m going to educate myself. Um, ’cause I think it’s so easy when people see the social media campaigns to do the black boxes and things, it’s like, oh, I just did it for doing sake ’cause everyone was doing it. So I’m like, no, you did it and I can see you did. You didn’t learn, so I’d rather you not do a black box. I’d rather you sit down and learn and I’ll rather you, um, understand what your, the consequences of the these are. So right now it’s been almost calling people out, but in a way that is not also, I have to also not be you know, combative, but very, um, and very much like clear, just like in medicine we have to be anyway, like clear on why it’s important, what you did, how it’s almost like you bring the evidence as well. Um, just so that you don’t end up being the aggressive Black woman to, and to be honest with you, if I have to be labeled as that to advocates, then there’s nothing I could, whatever, fine, I will do what you need to do, but you just need to be careful how you speak to patients and listen. So for me, I would say listening is so important. And that’s something that I like to like just sit down and do and my superpower. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So you do a lot of work advocating for yourself, advocating for other people other patients.

Can you talk a little bit about what you do to take care of, of yourself? 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah. I think everyone’s like, you do so much. How are you balancing? I think for me I started work as a doctor my first year as a doctor was actually in the pandemic. So I think I had to learn very early on in my career that if you just do work, you’ll burn out.

And I feel like I got to a point where I was burnt out and I actually got COVID, which maybe made me actually have seven days at home. So I had to learn really early that taking care of myself is just as important and sometimes. Nobody else is gonna tell you how to take care of yourself, especially when you work within healthcare.

So that’s something I learned in not the best way. But I had to learn because I was like, they still want you to come in with your COVID or no COVID. You’re recovered now by you feeling better. So for me, I always think about my life as seasons, first of all, just to reduce that pressure because I am someone that has lots of ideas, lots of things I want to do.

But again, I’m full-time training. So everything I’m doing, I don’t even have, I’m doing it out of hours. I’m doing it on weekends, I’m doing it in the evenings. So it’s important for me to think about things in seasons and also think about times for rest and then times for doing, obviously making sure rest is incorporated into that and time, so building my routines.

So for me, spending time with my family and my friends is like therapy. I need to have my family and friends around me. And so just like I schedule anything else, I schedule time with my parents. I schedule time with my friends. And like my mom and dad for example, I speak to them every day. My mom literally called me today like, are you okay? You didn’t talk, you didn’t call me this morning. I was like, well, I called my brother and I haven’t spoke, spoken to my dad who’s worried about me, so I almost have them to decompress and to tell them, oh, I feel like this today. Or I feel tired. ’cause I think sometimes as the first daughter as well, I carry on everybody’s. I carry on everybody’s thing, and I think my parents do a really good job identifying that Joyce is the type of person that will take on a lot and sometimes may not open up for everyone to share. So now I’m such a sharer with everything. So my thing is family. My thing is being, being allowing myself to just be open and express myself and to tell my friends about their feelings and allow them to see it back.

I love traveling and I love giving myself space to just rest. But I’ve also learned that I cannot save my rest. I can’t save my rest for a holiday, so I have to incorporate rest throughout my weeks. So, for example, on Sundays, if I go to church, I don’t do anything else. I don’t see anyone else.

I just spend time with myself. I just try and spend days with myself and my mind, and also days with my family and days where I’m just working on my projects. But I think for me it’s the seasons and scheduling me time, scheduling, rest time, and going from there. And it’s been going, it’s going fine. But this week I am tired and I’ve listened to my body, like I’m tired, fine. So this weekend you’re relaxing. I didn’t even know there was a bank holiday on Monday. I’m like so excited to, to find Exactly have it off. It’s extra reading. But yeah, like I just think it’s important to check in on yourself and your mental health, physical health, and I think as doctors. You’re the worst patient.

So if something is not right with me, I need to see a doctor too. Like, I’m like, tell me this, because I know it’s not this, I’ve checked myself. I know it’s not this, I know it’s not this. So now I think it’s this. So it’s important that I’m also listening to my own body like physically and mentally, and also being able to get help when I need that.

Le’Nise Brothers: So you are a member of a WHO Group, World Health Organisation Group that is about combating misinformation in global health. Can you talk a little bit about misinformation, because we know it’s rife on social media.

Yeah. We see it with, influencers talking about supplements, talking about different diets. Eat this, eat that, and don’t eat this. Don’t eat that. Can you talk about some examples, probably some really egregious examples that you’ve seen and how the average consumer can keep their eyes open to health misinformation?

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah, so I can’t even remember. There’s so many things I’ve seen online that I’m like are you serious? Roots will heal you from inside or out like this doesn’t make sense. So for me, misinformation is a huge problem because the problem with misinformation and social media is that it actually does, in terms of numbers and statistics, it does way better and it can be spread way faster than the information that is actually correct.

And I think it’s really important because a lot of information we’re getting right now it’s fast-paced. You almost believe everything you see. If you’re not checking in on yourself, are your views your views or is it the views of the person that you watch all the time? So you really do, we really need, do need to be careful when it comes to social media, especially with health information.

As I said, with health information, if you give the wrong information, that is life-threatening information. And if you’re not a healthcare professional, so you’re an influencer or just a random person speaking online about something that you have no experience in you don’t necessarily have consequences.

You don’t get arrested, you don’t get your numbers taken from you, like a medical number and nothing like that. You don’t get in trouble for that, right? You may have a few people that call you out, fine, but their comments will probably be buried somewhere. And that’s why things like the WHO Fides are really important.

It’s how we get trusted healthcare professionals in on social media speaking about conditions, speaking about health concerns, um, speaking about nutrition and what’s important from people that actually have studied these, that have gone to universities and have done the courses and have the accreditation, and also if they say the wrong thing or they spread misinformation, have consequences for, will have consequences for the action.

If it’s a doctor, for example, the medical board or nurses. So I think it’s, it’s just really important for people to actively be aware of what exists. Because now what’s happening is that you also have AI coming in, which can be extremely helpful, but I’m also seeing some scary things of people using, lookalikes of doctors, and it doesn’t sound like them. They’ve used AI and changed voices, and I think that’s for me is the scariest because they’re now, you, yes, you’re identifying that people need a trusted individual. People need a trusted professional to come on and, and share that information, but now you’re now using the people’s likeness and spreading wrong information.

I think there has to be so much more done by the social media platforms. So I think YouTube Health is, has its own medical content creator group, and at least they’re encouraging doctors to get on there and to be very proactive about sharing that information.

But it’s not easy because again, any doctor you see online doing that is doing it out of their spare time. So they’re not enough of us to fight all the inform mis misinformation. And so that’s why people need to also be very much aware of what they’re consuming online. If before you do something, speak to your doctor about it, right?

If you can’t speak to your doctor, their website, like the NHS websites, there’s so much on the NHS websites that you can cross check and double check. If you’re in America, there’s the Cleveland, there’s a lot of different ways that you can check information. There’s a WHO website that you can check information.

We have to be really careful, and this is not just about health. It’s about a lots of different topics about what we’re actually consuming. I’ve started doing this thing every morning, which was by mistake. ’cause I tried to call my parents in the morning. They didn’t pick up one day, and I drove to work without anything and I was just almost talking to myself by my brain.

But I started checking in on, on the things that I had like learned this week. Like you saw that thing about this topic. What do you actually think about it? Is that actually your opinion? Because sometimes you listen to something and then you read the comments and you’re like, oh, I think I decide with you.

But you, if you’re not careful and you don’t check in, your thoughts can be other people’s thoughts because the world is so noisy now. ’cause you have access to so many people’s opinions. So I would say in general. It’s really important for us to be very, very careful of what we are consuming to double check before we change our medications, stop our medications, start any diets that we’re not sure about.

Speak to your nutritionist, speak to your nurses. There’s so many people that you can reach out to within the NHS and then within in terms of actually getting your appointments to be able to discuss these things. But I wouldn’t make any changes based on. Anything you see online, especially if it’s not from a trusted professional.

And most healthcare professionals cannot give personal information or personal. I can’t give you personal medical advice online. I can give you general information about a topic. I can give you education and research around certain things, so you’re more educated, but you can’t message me directly online.

I’m not going to answer you about a topic. It’s important you see your doctor because they have all your records. They know who you are, what medications you’re on. What will interact with what, and I think that’s a lot of things that people don’t understand in terms of your medical history and your medications.

They’re really important for us as doctors to know because it will, it would affect what medications we give or not give, or what, you know, nutritional advice would, we would give depending on what medications or what conditions you have. So there’s so much more that goes into saying yes or no about a particular thing.

And I think that’s why I don’t like, I like people to be not be afraid of asking their doctors questions. Like, why? Like, why are you giving me this? Why does that make sense for me? It’s like, yes, I can explain, let me explain and I can show you the guideline that tells us to do this. So I’m not making this up, I promise you.

Right? Um, so I like it when patients come with that. ’cause it’s, it feels like it two way thing. It shouldn’t feel like I’m just telling you what to do. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You said that you like it when your patients ask you questions, but on the other side of it, I hear from a lot of women who are afraid to take things to their doctors.

It’s amazing on TikTok when I post about certain issues with regards to periods and hormones. The questions that I get, and I, a lot of them, I’m say, you have to go speak to your doctor about this. You know, please go and see your doctor. I’ve been bleeding for six months. Please go to your doctor.

Oh but I’m scared. So in that situation, if someone says, I’m scared to go speak to my doctor, what would you say? 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: Yeah. First of all, I know that feeling of lots of women feel like if I go to a doctor, are they going to listen to me? And also can I get everything I need to get across for them to understand how this is really affecting me?

Right? And so how I like to think about things is what you do like before an appointment, during an appointment, and after an appointment. And the reason why I say that is that I also use this when if like when I’m a patient and I make sure that my friends and family use this as well. Before your appointment, you’ve already had discussions with people, you’ve already done your Google research you’ve met, you’ve Googled Dr. Google, right? To ask, well, you’ve asked ChatGPT. My last patient came with ChatGPT notes, like this is what ChatGPT said to do. I would write down what you actually are concerned about, because what happens is that when you walk into that consultation room, a lot of people forget what they’re going to say.

And also, if you don’t tell me clearly. Sometimes your doctors that are in such a hurry, they look at something else and say, oh, is it bloods you’re here for? And they talk about something completely different from what you’ve come in and you’re like, yeah, I want bloods, but I also wanted something else.

Right? So I would say before your appointment, first of all, don’t be scared because we’re always, whether or not you come, another patient will see me. I have to work the nine to five. I told my patient the other day, don’t be sorry for coming here. ’cause if it wasn’t you, somebody else would be in. Okay? So it’s fine that you’re here.

Write down what you are concerned about. Write down what you think it is, what your mom said it is. What your friend said it is. Write down that I asked this and they said to come and see your doctor. Fine. And then when you come in, actually come in with those notes. And explain your symptoms. And when I say write down your what you think it is, also write down the symptoms you are experiencing, even those random ones.

Because with period pain, we know that period pain, a lots of things can affect it. But if you have this plus bloating, I go down a different route. If you have this plus heavy periods, I go down a different route. Right? So even the random things that you think. Just normal. I’m just used to it.

I just have bloating. I would write down those symptoms. So when you come and see me as a doctor, you are very clear on I’m having issues in my period, and this is what I’ve written down. And I can go through what you’ve written down as you’re explaining to me, because I can clearly see your thought process on what you are concerned about as you’re explaining to me.

And then you ask me. So let’s say, I see, okay. I don’t think you need some blood tests and I think some ultrasound scan. Do you mind just explaining why I don’t need an ultrasound scan? Do you mind just explaining why you are giving me an ultrasound scan instead of bloods? Because I think sometimes people think they didn’t give me bloods.

Blood tests are like the gold standard for everything, where it’s like, actually no, I’m looking for fibroids. So that’s why, and if you as a doctor don’t necessarily tell your patients why you’re giving things, they’re going to leave their feeling like you didn’t listen to them or you give them the wrong thing, even though you’re still doing maybe the right thing for them or investigating one of the symptoms. So I would say before your appointment, as I said, write everything down during your appointment. Don’t be afraid of showing your thoughts and asking the questions that you need to. And if you feel like you’re not being listened to, seriously ask for a second opinion.

There’s no doctor that should feel offended. If you want a second opinion, and there’s even someone in the practice that I can call to give you a second opinion. And I’ve been very lucky when I as a trainee to just be like, you know what? I think it’s this, but I’m going to check with my supervisor if that’s okay.

And patients love it. So, you know, like they’re like, yes, I have two doctors. That’s fine. If you need to seek a second opinion. No one should get offended by that. At the end of the day, it’s your body. You know your body more than anything else, whether it’s within that GP practice or it’s within a hospital and you need to, you know, get something else.

Or, sometimes if we have people that are not in the UK and we have people that are in other countries. Most people have to pay for a service. We’re very lucky in the UK I don’t, I know that, you know, the system is not great and it’s not easy. I completely understand. But I think being from Nigeria, I also have that other perspective of every, it’s out of pocket. You have to pay for a service, right? So if you’re also in a position where you’re able to pay, then make sure that you also know that you can seek that. Other opinion and pay for a second opinion if you need to. Just ’cause I know people that listen to this podcast are not just in, in the UK, for example, where it’s free.

So I would say that’s before, during, after, and after and after the appointment. Make sure you know, when do you want to see me? When do I expect you? Like, okay, if I do the results, am I coming back to see you or not? If this continues for how many months, when should I come and see you? These are questions and I am gonna do something on this because lots of people have asked like, can you just write me like three questions to ask my doctor after? Because I think what happens is that you leave the appointment and fair enough, okay, they’ve done my scans, they even, they’ve even done my bloods, but. I don’t even know when I’m seeing them again, I didn’t ask what other conditions they think it could be.

I didn’t ask what they’re actually investigating. Yes, you went in for blood and ultrasound scan, but do you know what they’re looking for? No, and I think it’s important you to say, I’m looking for this, and that, so that if you then find fibroids on an ultrasound scan, that’s not the first time the patient is hearing about fibroids.

And a lot of women, we hear about our medical conditions. For the first time when we’re diagnosed, no one has told us we’re doing blood tests to check for PCOS. We’re doing ultrasound scans to check for fibroids. And so if it comes back positive for fibroids, fine. If it doesn’t come back positive for fibroids, then I will check for this.

So I think within lots of things, it’s just that follow up of doing what the next steps are. So, sorry, I’ve spoken about lots of things. I’m gonna summarise. The first thing before is just to write down all your thoughts, what you think your symptoms are. Keep a diary of your symptoms you’re getting. During, show your doctor that list of things that you’re concerned about. Explain as you’re going along. Tell them how it’s affecting you directly. Ask them questions on what they think it is, what conditions they’re worried about, and why they’re doing certain tests, and what the next steps will be. And then after, just make sure you know what the follow up is.

Make sure you know how you can contact your doctor, how you find out the results of those scans. Do I go on my NHS app? Is it something that you’ll contact me about? Because that way you leave fully knowing the next steps. And you’ve lived fully knowing that yes, this has been investigated. There’s nothing worse than going see your doctor and leaving, like nothing was done and you didn’t listen to me, and now I’m still in this position.

Right. So hopefully those are a bit helpful. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. You’ve shared so much amazing information and I know it will be really helpful. Where can people find you if they want to? Read more about the work that you do, attend one of your amazing events. Where can people find you? 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: So Instagram is probably the best place.

So my handle is at @signed.drj. And you should also follow @aranini.health. We actually have a newsletter coming out soon, which we’ll be posting every month to start week or every two weeks. And it’s, you’ll get all the information on events exclusives from like doctors, and we’re bringing doctors in to just share their opinions so you can have trusted health information as well supply to your email. So I would follow @aranini.health on Instagram and also my page as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And all the links will be in the show notes.

Yes. Thank you so much Dr. Joyce. It’s been wonderful speaking to you. Congratulations again. Thank you. Thank you so much. 

Dr Joyce Omatseye: No, thank you so, so much. It’s been amazing to be on here and thank you for all you do in this space because it’s really important that we do have these conversations and hopefully continues to get bigger and bigger.

So I’m excited to be part of this. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 95, Nahid de Belgeonne: Gatekeep Your Nervous System

I’m so pleased to speak to Nahid de Belgeonne, the nervous system whisperer, one of the OGs in London wellness and author of the book Soothe: the book your nervous system has been longing for on today’s episode of Period Story podcast. 

In this episode, Nahid shares: 

  • Why she hated her periods and found them a complete inconvenience 
  • How finding a healthier relationship with her body and emotional state changed her relationship with her period 
  • What wellness looks like for her in her 50s and why it’s important not to lose the potential for new things as we get older
  • How your brain keeps the score, but your body is a scorecard
  • How her new book Soothe is a accessible way to learn how to tend to your nervous system in the morning, at lunchtime and in the evening 
  • A simple technique to start your day with 
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Nahid says we need to gatekeep our nervous systems because if you don’t, nobody else will. She says our world is getting faster, so we really have to be mindful of what we open our nervous system up to. 

Thank you, Nahid!

Get in touch with Nahid:

Her book, Soothe

Instagram

Website

Substack


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Nahid. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I’m really excited to speak to you and hear lots of your wisdom. But first, let’s talk about the story of your first period.

Nahid de Belgeonne: Sure. So thank you so much for having me. What a great idea for a podcast. It’s going to be so useful to people. And when you asked me to be on it, I was laughing because my knowledge of periods and my period education was hopeless.

So my mother, bless her, I write a, a little bit about her in the book is her mother died when she was young. And she came from a culture where, you know, to be a woman was a bit of a burden because you weren’t economically able to stand for yourself and earn your money. You were dependent on men.

So you know, even though she’s a feminist, that kind of deep roots of a culture is really hard to break. So anything to do with being a woman, she didn’t really love, she loved dressing up. She was very beautiful. But you know, the, the deep down thing, which is really interesting because she, you know, her, her degree and her MA was in, um, physiology.

So I just find that really interesting. But she treated it with real, it was a real inconvenience and with slight disdain. So I really don’t remember how old I was. I feel like I was a bit later. So maybe around about 14 or 15. I wasn’t one of the mature girls at school at all, and I’d heard whispers about it and we’d had some sort of slideshow about it, but I didn’t get it.

I didn’t really understand it, and we were kind of, in my school, which was a state school, it wasn’t really something that you talked about or you revered or it was like welcome you into womanhood. It was very secretive. So when I think my sister told my mom and my mom’s period conversation was simply this.

She got me into the living room. She gave me a massive sanitary pad. It was huge with two loops on the end, and I, with nothing, she didn’t tell me what you did with the loops. And then she just said, use this. If you need to, you cut one in half, stick it on top and then use that. And I was just like, how, where?

I have no idea. So, and it was just all very hush, hush. And then you were left to fend for yourself. I didn’t even know what to do with them. Once you had used them, where’d you put it? You know, not down the toilet. I knew that. So the whole thing was kind of like, keep it a secret. And I think, I don’t know about you, but you know, certainly in London and, and you know, in the kind of seventies when I was growing up, you didn’t really want to be a woman.

You know, that wasn’t really celebrated. You wanted to be one of the lads, you wanted to be a boy, you wanted to be free. And that whole thing of coming into womanhood was a bit scary because you got attention that you didn’t want, you know, and nobody really told me what to do with that. My mother also didn’t talk about sex with me, so I was absolutely clueless.

And as a consequence, I hated my periods. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Right. You got your period around 14, your kind of education around it was quite cursory. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: How did you teach yourself about what was going on with your body? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: So I didn’t. I didn’t teach myself at all, anything. I just hated them. They were a complete inconvenience.

And I would do anything to not have them. So I starved myself throughout periods of my life so I could just stop my periods. I just hated them when I had them. They were really heavy and very painful. So I, you know, there was some huge dysregulation going on there. . It was only towards the end of it that I got into a really good rhythm of how they worked and had better you know, menstrual kind of things that I use. So the menstrual cup, I really love that and I sort of used that more towards the end and I loved it ’cause it just kept you in touch with yourself. I felt everything else was really messy or I used to use tampons a lot and I felt they really dried you out. And I felt that felt very unhealthy.

And in fact with um, my parents are from Bangladesh and I had a friend and we both came on at the same time. And then I found out about tampons through miss Magazine or some sort of teenage magazine and thought, these are great, and you could send off coupons, you could send off and get some free samples. So I did that and I sent her some, and her mother found out I was never allowed to talk to her again.

And you know what? My parents and their friends were quite liberal, but it was seen as a real affront. So everything to do with periods was just taboo and not talked about. And I don’t think I even talked about it with my friends, but yeah, it was only towards the end of my menstruating life that I kind of got into a really good relationship with it.

And I understand it understood it a lot better and I understood the different phases and when you should rest and when you can use it for creativity. And I feel really sad about that. I feel really sad that throughout my life I hated that part of being a woman. I wasn’t in touch with that. And so I love what you are doing and what you are putting out there, because I will send this to all the young girls I know ’cause I just think the more we have conversations around it, the better. And I actually, I love this whole opening up about all that it means to be a woman because it’s really needed. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, definitely. It really is needed. Was there a turning point that you can think back to that caused you to have a second look at your relationship with your period?

Or was it something that just happened organically?

Nahid de Belgeonne: Well, I think so my sort of evolution in terms of who I am and aligning, you know, with myself and having a better relationship with myself, yeah, I think it was probably at that point that I got into a healthier relationship with how my body works, my emotional state and how that was very much influenced by my physical state and vice versa.

So I got very interested in that. So I’ve, I’ve always moved as a youngster. I, I kind of realised I come from quite a dysfunctional family. Very volatile, very stressed because bless them, nobody had taught them how to self-soothe, so they didn’t know how to pass it on. And, but I always had this innate understanding that if I moved, I felt better.

So way before I kind of really fully researched it, I understood that movement helps you to regulate your emotions. And so another thing about having periods was I couldn’t do all the things I wanted to do because when I was younger, I didn’t realise that you changed things and you adapted for how you felt.

But of course, I’m, I’m in much better alignment now. And being involved in movement, you know, like you, I’m, I was a yoga teacher for quite a while. I, I, but I trained in everything because I had studios in Central London that we taught yoga, Pilates, and short kind of fitness classes. So I trained in everything that we offered, but, and I also had teachers there.

And I think what I found through that was that everybody was seemingly doing the right things, but they had fertility issues, sleep issues, they were burnt out, you know, chronic anxiety and so on. So I wanted to get underneath the bonnet of what was going on, and that’s how I kind of really delved very deeply into the nervous system, which is your master system.

It’s your brain, your spinal cord, and the communication from that into your organs and body and back from body and organs into spinal cord and brain. And it’s listening to the signals coming up from your body and there’s much more communication from, you know, the bottom up body up to brain than there is the other way around.

It was really understanding that that helped me to be more at peace with myself and have a better relationship with myself and listen to all of those signals. And I, you know, again, I feel that it was just such a shame that I missed out. Having, having my knowledge now, I wish I could sort of almost transpose it back there and help the younger me to just be in better relationship with herself, not fear it and not be so, in, yeah, in fear of how the world, you know, how our culture treats young women about to, you know, reach into womanhood because it’s, it’s a bit frightening, isn’t it?

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: A frightening time if you have, if you don’t have support around you. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And now that you’re on the other side, what would you say your experience of the post menopause has been? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Um, I think not being in good relationship with myself for most of my life meant that my menopause. I, I had done all the well women yoga courses.

I’d done it all. I thought read all about it. I was like, yeah, yeah, I’m completely prepared. I can do this. Didn’t feel particularly under stress, although I was managing studios at the time and, you know, they were busy. But when the menopause came, all the physical stuff, I was like, yeah, I’ve got this.

You know, I can totally ride this. It’s not a problem. But then I didn’t realise that the mental aspects of the menopause, because again, I wasn’t very well prepared, Le’Nise, I don’t, you know, I don’t believe that I wasn’t, but I wasn’t really, I kind of thought like, yeah, I got this. Cognitively you can convince yourself a lot, can’t you?

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: You know, you can convince yourself that you understand things you’ve got, but if you are not completely attuned to what’s going on anyway, what hit me very suddenly was I had, I felt really vulnerable. I felt quite vulnerable, which isn’t me at all. I felt like I didn’t really want to go outside on my own, that vulnerable.

But the worst thing was I didn’t sleep for about three months very well. Um, I. There was, you know, there’s lots of things going on in my life as well as often happens when you’re at that cusp. And I didn’t really know what to do. And interestingly in the wellness world, and because I had done, you know, all these different sort of courses and studied it there, at the time, there was a real disdain about going on HRT.

So I didn’t feel that was an option for me. I mean, it’s changed now. You know, people were a bit sniffy about it and you kind of felt you had to do it naturally. And I had done all the things I possibly could, but it wasn’t working for me. Um, and then I happened to be on retreat with a journalist who just told me all of the facts and the re latest research around HRT and I got interested and a younger friend of mine actually took me for a talk with, um, Dr. Louise Newson. And her mentor, who I’ve forgotten his name. Nick. Nick, um, Dr. Nick something. And it was just great. It was really informative and I really understood it and I took away some research and literature and then I went on HRT and I love it. I absolutely loved it. I slept immediately. And I really enjoy being on it, but I’d never been on the pill.

I remember having the pill for a week and just flushing it down the loo thinking I don’t want to take medication. So I’ve pretty much had a medication free life. But equally believe that if you need something, you need it, you know, go on it. And then see if you want to come off of it sometime. So my menopause was equally horrendous as my periods be, but I think it was my attitude to be fair, and I think I hadn’t really fully researched, and the research at the time was, as ever, it’s quite polarised, isn’t it?

You’re either in or you’re in this camp. But I think it’s a lot more freer now. And, you know, we’re, we’re all about the research now. So, yeah, I don’t think my journey through womanhood was great. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Well thank you for your honesty because I think, you know, we sometimes in the wellness world, we can sugarcoat things a little bit because we want to put on the, you know, the best possible. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers: Face for our clients and you know, social media and all of that. But I think this honesty is, is really important. And so thinking about where you are now, so you were like an OG in wellness in London, you know, Good Vibe Studios. I remember and you had the power plate.

Nahid de Belgeonne: I, that’s what I started with. So we were the first independent power plate, um, studio in London, in the UK actually. Yeah. And I’ve still got one, I’ve got a small power plate here and I use it every day. And it’s interesting ’cause there was something in the Times about these longevity experts and they all have one cause they’re fab things because they, you, you stand on them, they vibrate and your brain thinks you are falling. So your muscles lengthen and shorten very quickly. So it’s great for women, great for bone density, great for creating muscle. So if you have a place that has a power plate, jump on one because they’re brilliant.

Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And so, apart from the power plate, what are the other things that you have in your toolkit that you are relying on in, in this time in your life? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Okay, so sure. That’s a good question because it changes and it sort of doesn’t. So I’ve always had movement as my theme throughout my life and I’ve worked across four different industries, all startups, you know, from fashion was my first then technology I think, and publishing, and then wellness.

Um, and thanks for calling me the OG of, uh, fitness studios. I was, I love that. So I always knew that movement was very important to help me to regulate, and that was the recurring theme. And it’s true, we are moving dynamic organisms and we need to move a lot. So what I often do, and I encourage my clients to do, is if you are feeling kind of, you know, if you’re feeling a little stressed throughout the day, do something about it then and there, because the most appropriate thing to do with that cortisol spike, which is the release of the hormone to alert the system, get you ready to run away from the danger. Then the most appropriate thing to do is move. So you could shake it out or you could move a bit. So in my repertoire of movement, things behind me might be able to see a reform of party reformer, which is my little present to myself when, um, I got my advance for my book.

And we used to have reformers in our studios, so I, I’m. In my late fifties, I’m coming up to 58 in May. So my movements have changed, but sort of not. So I use a power plate. I use, um, the reformer a lot. I go for walks rather than run. I used to run a lot before and I’ve got a little mini trampoline, and then over there at the back I’ve got all lots of resistance that are, um, resistance bands that are against a frame on the wall so I can pull things and hang from things and pull myself up.

And I choose different things according to my mood. So if I’m angry, I’ll jump on the rebounder. If I’m in grief about the world, I will get on the floor and I’ll do some rolling. I’ll do some rocking, lots of somatic movement, so many means of the body, so it’s going to moving according to your felt sense.

Um, if I feel you know, I’ve got some energy, I’ll use my kettlebells and I’ll get on the power plates. So I kind of always say to people, just have a range of things that you love to do, and then choose them according to how you feel and the energy that you have. And I generally tend to do my energetic stuff in the morning, whereas when I was younger, I’d do that, i’d do it at any time of the day, but, you know, I kind of want, want to get my brain working and the blood pumping. So I’ll do that in the morning. And I’ve incorporated since last year, um, an afternoon walk with the dogs and sometimes I can get a bit inside myself. And my work is very internal and it’s quite cerebral if you like ’cause I’m having to think about people’s issues and their, their problems and how I’m going to help them unpick those movement patterns in their body. And so I, I’m thinking a lot and I’m sitting at my desk it’s a high desk, but still I’m sitting thinking a lot. It’s kind of breaking up that deep focus.

I, I often do that, so I always go out for a walk in the afternoon and I try and have a conversation with someone else even though it’s of no great importance. But those side of the mouth conversations with another human being I think are really good. ’cause in my house it’s just me and my husband working in, I’ve got studio in the garden so you know, I have a commute across the garden and then, you know, we kind of talk furbish to each other ’cause we know each other so well.

So you have to kind of break that up. Because the best way actually to get yourself constantly in expansive, you know, an expansion kind of mode, and to pull yourself out of your patterns of behavior, be it stress or anxiety or whatever, is to introduce new experiences to your nervous system. Yeah. And so the more you can do that, the more capacity and possibility you have.

And I think that’s really important as we get older as well, is to not lose the potential for new things. Not lose your potential full stop really ’cause then that way you are keeping youthful and you’re keeping the whole system youthful as well. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say a little bit more about the patterns?

Because I see this a lot in the work that I do. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: The nutrition side of it and the hormone side of it where people do get into these patterns and we have our routines, we all have our routines, but they’re very wedded to their routines and then their fitness routines, their daily routines, and then getting them to unstick these patterns and open up to newness can be, it can take time. Can you talk a little bit more about that side of it and how that, that is helpful for the nervous system? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yeah, of course. All right, so let’s go back to the nervous system and how it’s formed. You form your nervous system by learning.

So when you were a baby, you would’ve rolled around, you would’ve put your foot in your mouth. You would’ve just been discovering things. You would’ve crawled towards your mother or your caregiver. And that’s the way you develop, you know, your secondary curves of the spine. You look up ’cause you hear her voice and it develops, you know, the curve in the neck and then you might try to stand and that develops a lumbar curve.

Yeah. So it’s all by interacting with your space and you interact with your space by moving. And then what happens to you after that is, oh, oh, and another really important thing, when you’re very young, you make no distinction between mind and body. You are this whole self and you are responding to the world with your whole self.

When we get to an, you know, to be adults, we kind of think we’re sophisticated and we are, but not in the way that we think we are. You know, we are still really sophisticated, but maybe we take certain things for granted or think they’re a bit primal because your whole system is still responding. The body responds first.

Your cognitive mind makes sense of it based on your experiences. So for instance, if you come from a family where, let me just think of something really simple. I don’t know where girls were, you know, after a certain age girls were, had to cover up, for instance, then that’s going to really limit your ability to do things.

You know, you might not jump on a skateboard. You might not jump on a bicycle easily. You might not go out on your own. It starts making you a bit fearful of of, you know, certain, of all possibilities. And it’s interesting ’cause I often have women of a certain age that I teach, and when I say simple things like, and just take your legs a little bit further apart because they’ve always been taught to be ladylike or cross their legs, or, you know, to be tiny and small and not take up space.

You, you sort of notice this like, kind of like, oh, is this proper, so it’s interesting, isn’t it, how our environment really shapes our experiences and our ability to be free, if you like. So what I see in clients is, and clients will come to me typically with burnout or chronic stress or chronic anxiety, and I see trauma, people with trauma issues because their therapists will have referred them to me, um, at the point where talking therapy has reached its natural conclusion.

So it’s kind of the next step on from that because I don’t believe you can think your way out of a feeling state and how I see that in clients is, so for instance, in the COVID years, lots of people came to me with, you know, chronic anxiety. And years afterwards, and in the COVID years, what I’m seeing was like people were really drawn in here with the head coming in forwards.

Yeah. It was kind of like, I want to retract, I want to, you know, I’m sad, I’m anxious, but I also want to retract from the world and I don’t want to make eye contact with someone because we are told to stay away from people and you know, so on. And then what that does over time is it makes those muscles tighter.

So then your breathing will be affected. Your head is now forwards of your spine. That puts a lot of pressure on your organs. And your organs aren’t meant to be weight bearing and they’re meant to have this really lovely expansive retraction, retractive quality. So it’s kind of looking at the movement patterns that are associated with that emotion because you will have heard of The Body Keeps The Score.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Well now with neuroscience, it’s been updated. Your brain keeps the score, but your body is a scorecard. So it’s all happening in the brain. The brain sending messages based on the signals coming up from the body and your, how you interpret those signals. So how you respond to something alarming might be different to how I respond to something alarming because of our, you know, our history and our experience starting from home onwards.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. So you use this word somatic. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And it’s something that is, is cropping up more and more in the wellness world. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: For someone who is not familiar with somatic movement or anything in that space, can you talk a little bit more about what that is and what that word means? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yeah, of course.

And also there, you know, there’s a, people are using it, but they’re not really offering somatic, and that’s quite a big distinction. So somatic, it’s like an umbrella term. It means, it means in the wellness world, it means of the body, soma means of the body. So it’s a fancy word for saying kind of body based really.

But somatic practices is an umbrella term. And underneath it, you might have heard of Rolfing or the Alexandra technique was really popular at one time. Um, I come from Feldenkrais kind of, lineage, and that’s a four year course and I’ve had lots of teachers who were influenced by it. So I’ve, I’ve, it’s been in my kind of experience and, um, yeah, it’s been in my kind of yeah, experience for a very long time.

I think I met it about 25 years ago officially, and then have been very curious about it. It’s not exercise. So that’s something really important to remember so you’re not repeating the same thing and doing many reps of it. You are being guided by somebody and you interpret that guidance. So there isn’t a right way to do it or wrong way to do it.

So somebody might say to you slide your hand up and then do it without moving your pelvis, and then do it in this way, and do it in that way, and so on. So that your brain is getting really interested in this new information coming in. And where you are given a constriction. So I might say to you, okay, you can do that, but you can’t slide your pelvis down to take the arm up.

The pelvis has to stay as it is now, take the arm up. And then it encourages you to use other parts of you that don’t necessarily get involved in that movement. And that way you find kind of whole body engagement and collaboration if you like, because in the culture that we live in, ’cause we sit down a lot, we generally tend to do a lot from here, not from here, you know, moving around.

And we generally tend to do, you know, we move in isolated parts ’cause how will we taught, we’re taught biology as isolated parts. Hmm. We, when we go to a PT. They tell you to squeeze your glutes and do this and do that, you know, and we’re taught in isolated parts, and I don’t mean that as a you, you, you, we stand on the shoulder of, you know, good medical kind of training and medical understanding and anatomy, but it’s moved on since then.

The more we find out, we realise that actually were this interconnected systems in a big interconnected system. And when you understand that. You have a better sense of the flow of forces through you and how you can involve your whole self. But what’s so beautiful about it, Le’Nise, is that it isn’t me telling you what to do and telling you what to feel.

I’m giving your nervous system some guidance and your nervous system organizes itself, so it’s beautifully self-sufficient. It’s self-learning. It’s this really beautiful kind of new way of doing things and how that changes you is this, you learn your patterns typically when you are young in the family home, maybe you are the pretty one or the stupid one, or the clever one or the whatever.

You will learn your patterns from then and that pretty much stays with you all throughout your life. So I see people who are still get really red. You know, they might be really high up in their careers, but they get really red faced if they’re asked a question because once upon a time a parent had said to them, you are stupid shut up. Or you don’t know anything, unless you resolve that in some way, that deep, deep learning is really embedded in there. And so what I do is we just unpick that. You don’t have to tell me anything about your personal history. I’m literally just looking at your movement patterns ’cause I’m interested in the flow. But people will end up saying, oh, that was because this happened to me. I’m like, oh, that’s, you know, that’s really interesting ’cause I can see that’s stuck at here just in your movement pattern. So let’s find ways that you can move this. I generally don’t isolate. I generally go to the whole system going, where are you holding tension?

Let’s let go of that, because your whole system is like a fishing net and if you’ve got a pool in one place, it’s going to influence everything else. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Oh, you said earlier you talked about the feeling body and I think what’s really interesting is that we are so we we get so stuck in our heads. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And getting people to make that connection between the thinking body and the feeling body.

And then, you know, like you mentioned earlier, the brain is sending signals to the nervous system to the rest of the body, but to be really aware of what’s happening in the body and then taking that awareness and building this self-soothing, this what you mentioned earlier, this self-regulation pattern is really interesting and it’s something you talk a lot about in your, your book.

Nahid de Belgeonne: It is, yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: So in, in my book, I really wanted all this stuff to be accessible because I’ve grown up with lots of people who bless them, were dysregulated, they had no comfort, in their lives because. As immigrants to this country, you just run, don’t you? You land and you run and you don’t stop running ’cause there’s no safety net.

So hard work was the only way to get out of it. And you know, my parents were middle class, they had nice middle class jobs, but still it was a really tough environment. And, you know, and getting again to this age, you kind of think, how did they do it? How did they do this? And bring up children and, you know, all the rest of that.

It’s quite impressive. So, so I think the book really was born from that. It’s kind of like, I feel so lucky to have found these things. I feel really happy in my skin. And it’s effortless. Um, and I didn’t have that all throughout growing up. I had that real mind body disconnection of pretending to be successful, good striving, dah, dah, dah. But having this real unease in my body, because I was tired and I was fearful, and I was pushing because I was scared to stop. I thought, if I don’t keep working like this, I won’t, you know, I’ll lose everything, you know, all that that was bound up with your identity.

And my identity was being a striver, being clever and being a striver, being able to put that to some sort of use. And everything that’s ever happened to me, it sort of all happened quite organically. And then you suddenly end up with something quite big where you just think, ah, I’m not sure if I meant that.

So this is really about intentional living. It’s kind of just asking yourself, do. I’m going to give you a really, really good example. So I, ’cause you know, my home life is a bit volatile and everyone used to shout all the time, all my relationships. I used to have fiery relationships and choose fiery men because you also, I, so I thought that was passionate, that was passion.

Do you know what I mean? And I remember having an argument with somebody I was going out with and we were just shouting at each other. And I think I started it and I remember just shouting going, I don’t really mean this. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I’m just going to shut up now. 

Because it was kind of like, I don’t know where this started from.

I’m not enjoying it. I don’t know why I’m doing it. Let’s, can we just stop? But it’s, it’s that thing of interrupting your automatic learning that you, it’s a habit, right? That you fall into, you fall into these traps because we don’t seem to have any time in life to go is this what I intend? Do I want to be this?

So somatic, you know, movement gives you that chance to internally reflect because your brain naturally toggles from external sensory processing and internal reflection. But of course, in our culture, it’s all outwards. We’re full on and we’re just projecting out out and taking in all the stimulation and we don’t have these internal reflections where I think the wellness world could, perhaps its messaging could be better.

Is that or our understanding of it could be better, is that there isn’t you, and then your fitness regime or you, you know, or your wellness regime. That isn’t, it’s this, you are this. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Because if you don’t care for yourself, you know you’re going to, you’re going to break down in some way. You’re going to have the impact of that will be felt when you’re older.

And I teach people all the way from their twenties up to their seventies, eighties even. And you know, some of them you just think, oh, bless you for the want of just having done a little bit of movement when you were being, you know, striving all throughout your life, you could have avoided this quite serious kind of impact on your health.

So going back to my book, it’s a really accessible way to a, understand the science and the context because the more you understand your biology, the easier it is to actually implement lots of those kind of lessons and strategies, and you understand that you are an organism, not a machine. So you need, you need to have action, and then you need to repair from action.

You have action and you repair, and that goes on throughout your day. It isn’t here I am going, you know, hell for leather and here’s an hour a day where I go hell for leather in the gym. You know, that’s, that’s not, um, I don’t really love the word balance. I think resilience, you know, that’s not really resilient way to live.

And so the book gives you the science and the context, and then it gives you the lessons that you can do morning, lunchtime, evening, and then there’s a little bit on emotional rescue of what you can do in the moment. And I’m super proud of it, and I think it’s a really great resource for people to kind of spend a bit of time, drop into it, really understand themselves, and then implement these very simple kind of lessons and movements throughout their day.

Le’Nise Brothers: I really like what you’re, you said about doing things in the moment, and that’s definitely something that I talk about a lot because like you said. You. You can’t just do something in an hour at the end of the day, go to the gym, sweat it all out. You need to have these little moments throughout the day where you’re able to tend to your nervous system, where you’re able to make that shift out of fight or flight, back into a place where you can, you know, just be a little bit calmer and what I love is, you just mentioned it where you talk about things that you can do in the morning, midday and in the evening. And for someone listening who doesn’t have your book yet but is hopefully going to pick it up. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: What’s something simple that they could integrate in the morning and then perhaps around lunchtime, that would help them tend to their nervous system. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yeah. Great. Um, so I like the word rituals rather than a routine or a regime. Routines or regimes sound a bit like school, don’t they? A bit unfun. So if you think about rituals. So first of all, if you think about being in relationship with yourself and what your rituals could be to kind of tap into that and the tapping in is like, how am I feeling right now?

So in the morning, you know, I know everybody says it, but don’t go on your phone because you’re stimulating your nervous system. The best thing to do with that really calm energy that you have in the morning. It’s to set intentions. So I will breathe. I might breathe, with movement generally, not now, but I certainly did when I started.

I would breathe with movement, but I will just prop myself up and breathe six seconds in, six seconds out which is just the most easiest breath practice that you can do suits everyone. So you know, if you are, if you’re kind of hypervigilant, it’s not going to send you into kind of even more hypervigilance.

And it oscillates you between the go part of your nervous system and the rest part of your nervous system. And you want to oscillate. You don’t want to be in one or the other. And so I have a 20 minute practice of that in the morning, and that really sets me up. And then I’ll write down what I what I want to do for the day and part of my breathing practice. I set a little intention. About how I’m going to greet the day, and then I just might either check, actually I, I write the night before, so I might just check what I’m doing and just kind of get into gear for that. And then really interesting, I’ve just changed how I eat based on your circadian rhythm and the work of Dr. Stacey Sims, which is brilliant. But she, I’ve just been reading lots about her and listening to her podcast. She had said, and I vaguely knew this, but fasting isn’t great for women. Because if you don’t eat straight away in the morning, your energy, you know, your, your energy stores will then come from bone and muscle, which isn’t great.

All of my life, I’ve had a rhythm of not wanting to eat in the morning, so I never used to eat until midday. And recently I’ve just got really tired. So I decided to start eating and it’s really good. So I have protein before I work out. And so I do my big workout in the morning. And that big walk workout could be a walk, a long walk or something like that.

Hmm. Um, so it’s kind of my energetic stuff happens in the morning, my, my day setting, tone setting for the day. And then my energetic, you know, walk or a reformer is all right getting on the power plate and some weights. And I’ve eaten breakfast already and then. I work in bouts of deep focus and then letting go of that focus because that’s great for your brain and that is how the brain works.

So I have 90 minutes of deep focus every day, followed by it, roughly 20 minutes of mindlessness. So not as deep a focus, focus in the ideal world. That could be going out for a walk or it could be a practice. You know, a contemplated practice, be it meditation, breath work, somatic work. But even if you, hang the washing out or play with your dogs or you know, cook, whatever, it’s fine.

I think, do you know what I mean? It’s just not that really deep focus and you’re moving your way out of this fixed state. Yeah. And then I then I’ll come back for another bout of then I’ll have lunch. And then I’ll have another bout of deep, deep focus. And then I’ll intersperse that with some somatic stuff.

I try and have a nap actually in the afternoons for about 20 minutes these days, or breathing practice. And then in the evening, I’ll have a little practice, I’ll have some sort of ritual to take me out of my work and back into my life because as you will know as well, when you’re working with people on a nervous system level and uh, emotionally, you kind of don’t want to carry that load in your bones take, you know, and kind of be thinking about or, or it to have an effect on you.

So I will probably get on the rebounder and kind of jump it all out before I go back in. So I’m prepared. I’ve also started walking at dusk ’cause again, understanding circadian rhythms. So that I’ll go for a little dog walk around about that time to just help my whole system to kind of recalibrate and get ready for evening time.

Le’Nise Brothers: I love that you mentioned walking because I think, I do think walking is really underrated and I appreciate it more now. I got a dog last summer and exactly. A cockapoo. Oh yeah. And he requires at least two walks a day. And for me, I’ve gotten into this really nice rhythm where in the morning we’ll be out for an at least an hour, getting that light even on a day, like in London, it’s not very nice today. Right. Yeah. But getting that light into my eyes to reset my circadian rhythm. Yes. Then, you know, getting that as you get older, you do need that bone bearing, weight bearing exercise that is just, it’s just so helpful and you can add a little weight.

Like I actually purchased a weighted vest. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Oh yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I haven’t actually used it yet, but I, I’m going, I’m a little bit nervous. I don’t know why 

Nahid de Belgeonne: I used to have, I used to have one years ago and used to run with it. Oh 

Le’Nise Brothers: wow. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: I know madness. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. But even like that you, in your book, you talk about connection.

And just to touch on that a little bit, like having a dog where living in the city you do sometimes get really disconnected. You get into your routines, your rhythms, getting from A to B. Having a dog and those like natural moments, oh, hi. And your dog says hi to another dog and you have a little chat with the dogs.

I actually really love and appreciate that so much. And I just talk a, can you talk a little bit about connection? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yeah, I can. So it’s interesting living in cities, isn’t it? Because I’m from London, I moved out, at the, towards the end of COVID to the seaside. Not that far from London, but, um, it was a, it was a real adjustment because people say hello and you have a lot of space and you know, everyone’s really friendly and it’s quite easy to meet people and then everyone has time. And in London, I mean, I love it. I love the bustle of a city. There’s just the energy of a city. I absolutely love it. And, and miss it sometimes, but what’s so interesting when you go back is that you notice that everyone uses a lot of energy to not look at you and not talk to you, because there’s so many people that if you had to connect with everyone.

It would be very energy depleting and would probably add on three hours to your day. But also you don’t know everyone like you might in a village. So, you know, if you smile at someone, you might get aggro back or do you know what I mean? There’s a certain mode of being that we all drop into when we’re surrounded by a mass of people, you know?

And it, isn’t it interesting how we’re really good at self-policing, you know? Mm. We kind of walk past people and we make sure we don’t bump into them and you know, we don’t kill each other. And you know, it’s quite interesting how we can just go with the flow of the mass. Of, um, people wherever we are, you know, whatever’s going on and with the sort of a behavior of others.

And having a dog is so lovely because you get really connected to their nervous systems. They use a lot of energy when they want to. They eat, you know, obviously you are feeding them, but you know, they eat at generally good food, you know, and because our dogs are really quite lean, and then they sleep a lot throughout the day.

And I kind of once think, actually the best thing anyone could do is just follow the rhythms of their dog. Then it would be so good. And just like you, I adore those doggy conversations. I remember because people tell you a lot through the conduit of their familiar, you know, their dog. And I remember stopping, we were just a couple, a older lady and her son, old son older son came along and kind of loved our dogs and everything, and then told us their whole life story. So he obviously lived at home. He was, you know, he was quite older, but he really cared for his mother. He lived at home with her still. They’d lost her dog, she’d had an operation, and you’d just get all this lovely human interaction that you just wouldn’t, if you didn’t have that, the conduit of the dog.

So I really love how that frees up our humanity, our kind of connection with others. And I think, you know, being a city girl, when you’re young, you are young, you’re tall, aren’t you? Self-sufficiency, you don’t need anyone. People are a nuisance or a hindrance. And you can just get by on your own. And I certainly had that.

It was just like, I won’t rely on anyone. I’m totally good by myself, but actually I think as you get older, actually, you know, you realise the kindness and the compassion, compassion of being in relationship with yourself and others. And I think that, I think it’s really important to understand yourself and you don’t have to understand yourself to be in good relationship with other people, but it’s, it makes for sweeter relationships.

You know, when you get annoyed, you are annoyed because of something that you have learnt. You know, it’s an experience that you’ve learned and that makes you annoyed. So it’s not the other person’s fault, you know? And you have that real kind of understanding of what triggers you, what prompts you into certain responses.

And once you can be curious about that, you are in a really good place to be in happy relationship with everyone around you and you stop thinking, oh, you are really annoying ’cause of this. Or there’s too many people around and they’re just really annoying. It’s kind of like, well, maybe it’s because you need to be with people and then you need to retract from people.

That’s not weird. That’s normal. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: And so I often have, you know, clients who kind of go, am I autistic? Because I’m like this? And I’m like, well, first of all, I don’t really believe there is such a thing as neurotypical. I think we’re all, you know, it’s called a spectrum, isn’t it? Because it’s a spectrum.

So I think we all have our little ways that we’ve learned to be, and it’s really good to understand, you know, to really have a good understanding of that and figure out where you’re comfortable, where you’re not comfortable, um, and then you can better communicate that. The more you can feel, the more you can put words to your feelings.

And that’s a healthy place to be. Because if you can’t name it, you can’t really do anything with it. And so I think being in connection with ourselves is probably the most important thing. And many people aren’t, you know, many people live their whole life not being connected to themselves at all until they hit a crash, a wall, health-wise.

And then. That then enables you, I think, to be in better relationship with everyone, friends, you know, partners, whatever. And then with the wider world. Because once you start thinking about the consequences of your actions to yourself, to your community, and then to the environment, that really changes everything, doesn’t it?

I think we live, we live so divorced from the consequences of our actions, which is why we can buy loads of crap and just chuck it in the bin because it’s going to go over there somewhere where you don’t really think about it. You know? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: That’s not healthy and it’s not sustainable. 

Le’Nise Brothers: No, it isn’t. What’s a one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with today?

Nahid de Belgeonne: So the one thought is tend to yourself, care for yourself. Gatekeep your nervous system because if you don’t, nobody else will. You know, it’s getting, our world is getting faster and faster and more dysregulated. So you’ve really gotta hold on true to your values and really gatekeep, be really mindful what you’re opening up your nervous system to.

Who’s giving you that message? What is their, you know, why are they doing that? What’s their ulterior goal? And it’s good to be engaged. So I’m not for retraction at all, because if we’re not engaged, you know. The people, toxic people are taking over the world. I don’t want them to have it. I want to have a, I want to have an equal, equal kind of footing in this world and all the good people with me.

So I don’t believe in retracting, but I believe in really resourcing yourself well and knowing where you can go in and then where you can come out again, because you also have a life, you know, and to have to have value of your life. To treasure it is to be very connected with it. You know, all the things that give you joy, the connections with other people, the things that you do that give you value.

So, you know, don’t feel either that you have to self-sacrifice in order to be engaged. There’s a kind of stepping in and the stepping out. And I think, you know, in our world there is a, you know, part of our identity can often be self-sacrifice and that’s no good to anyone. You know, you end up burning out and being of no use whatsoever.

So that really understanding your boundaries, how you thrive and where you need to repair, I think is useful. So, but ultimately gate keep your nervous system. That’s really important. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I love that. Gatekeep your nervous system. That’s, that’s so great. So if people want to get a copy of your book. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: How can they get the book?

How can they find out more about you, your programs, the work that you do? 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Sure. So I do a few things. I teach online in the main, so I have a program called the Soothe Program, and it’s a 12 week program and it’s really about unlocking those deeply held patterns that you’ve had for a really long time. And really you’ve been, you’ve tried a lots of different things and it hasn’t worked and you’re really ready to change it.

So that’s where, you know, are my work steps in, all sorts of issues, burnout, anxiety, stress, and so on. Um, I teach retreats, so I’ve got a day retreat. So I teach three times a year in London. And that’s a full day and it’s just lovely. You know, we do lots of kind of mobilisation and awakening practices in the morning and the afternoon is lots of restorative practices all have somatic movement and folded into it.

And then we have lunch with a lovely chef that I use called Kate. And it’s a great way to kind of meet like-minded people and remind yourself that the world is good. Um, and then weekend retreats and I take people abroad in to Greece. And I do quite a lot of corporate stuff as well. Oh, Substack, it’s called the Soothe Club is where you can find me.

And that’s my newsletter. And for 10 pounds a month you get lots of little audio lessons. And we have a monthly live session with 60 minutes where we all meet and I can meet the community. So that’s a really great place to come find me. Otherwise, the website will kind of be the perfect place, which is the human method.co.uk.

And you can buy my book at all good bookshops, I’m sort of trying to avoid. The big ones with links to awful things. Um, but just, just Google it and it will come up. It’s called Soothe: the book your nervous system has been longing for, it’s out in paperback now. And go to your local bookshop and ask them if they have, I really love going into shops on my high street because then it means that we can keep them going.

So if you can do that, try and do that. But otherwise get it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: It will help. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And, and everything will be linked in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I definitely feel soothed from our conversation and I can’t wait for this episode to be out in the world. 

Nahid de Belgeonne: Well, do you know what? Thank you for the good work you’re doing ’cause this is a really important resource and I wish you’d been around when I was younger.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 94, Donna Dia: Learn About Your Gynaecological Health

I’m so pleased to speak to Donna Dia, the founder of the Beauty Beat, the UK’s only luxury beauty event for women of colour on today’s episode of Period Story podcast. 

In this episode, Donna shares: 

  • Why having a very light period and being able to wear white jeans isn’t always a good thing 
  • How a thin uterine lining led to fertility complications 
  • How a routine D&C after a missed miscarriage led to Asherman’s syndrome 
  • The research she did to understand Asherman’s 
  • The long and traumatic journey, including multiple surgeries, to help her uterine lining grow 
  • How her fertility journey lead to the Beauty Beat
  • Why the Beauty Beat is a dedicated event for women of colour and Black beauty  
  • The why behind THEE Beauty Beat goody bag
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Donna says that it’s valuable to learn about your gynaecological health, whether you have a light or heavy period, so that you can advocate for yourself and be the champion of your health. 

Thank you, Donna!

Get in touch with Donna:

TikTok

Instagram 

The Beauty Beat


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Donna. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I’m really excited to speak to you about all the amazing work that you’re doing with the Beauty Beat, but let’s start off with my very first question, which is tell us a story of your very first period. 

Donna Dia: Okay, well firstly, thank you for having me.

This is, yeah, really exciting and I love the podcast and, you know, just shining a light on all things, um, you know, our period cycles, all of that. So thank you. When I realised I was coming on, I really thought about it and it, I realised that it’s such a distinct memory for me. My first period and I was 11.

And, um, I was at my auntie’s house and it was funny ’cause I’d just started a, a new school and I think it was a, a classmate’s birthday and she was having a, a party at a. Like a, well you’d call a leisure center. So it was a swimming, a big swimming pool that had like slides and you know, a waterpark, I suppose.

And I started my period that morning. And obviously you are 11. You know, you think the it, it’s such a big. It’s such a big thing, or it felt like a big thing to me then. And also, I’m going to be in a swimming costume or potentially I’m meant to be in a swimming costume. You know, I’m meant to be in water. I didn’t know, obviously it was my first period, my mum and my aunties had always been very open about periods and things like that.

So I knew what, I knew what it was. I wasn’t shocked by it, but it was just the timing. And I remember sort of. Quite panicked, like going running out of the bathroom and going and telling my auntie, she was like, all right, calm down. Like, you know, and then she sort of spoke me through and she was like, you can still go swimming if you want to, and this is what we can do.

And yeah, so that was my first period. But I think that the conversation around, you know, periods and our cycles was so open and in our house as I was growing up, and that’s because of my mum’s first period, which I don’t think she’ll mind me telling her this story just quickly because I think the conversation in in her house as she was growing up was not as open and coincidentally, she had eaten a jam donut the morning that her period started didn’t really know much about periods, and she thought it was the jam coming out. Oh. And so I just said, because that’s such, you know, so that’s why my mum was always so open about periods and what it will be like when it starts and things like that, because she was just so shocked and had no idea what it was when she literally thought it was a jam donut that had kind of come through her body. So yeah, I tell that story to kind of give context as to why I knew what my period was. It was, you know, it, my mum had always been very open, my aunties and things like that. But yeah, that’s the story of my first period. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And did you end up going swimming?

Donna Dia: I did, I did, yeah. I did end up going swimming and um, yeah, my auntie kind of prepared me and, and, and looked after me and sort of made sure I had all the things that I needed to, to be able to go. I was very anxious and nervous, but yeah, she’d explained it well and I. I had all, all the sort of materials I needed and I went swimming and it was fine.

And um, yeah, a few months later though, what was more sort of traumatic inverted commas at the time was, um, a few months after that I was in class. And again, we were like year seven I believe. And, um. A girl in my class who was the sort of loud girl, she found a sanitary towel in my bag.

I think I must have had it in my, and she kind of took it out in the class. And that is also a distinct memory ’cause I was mortified at the time. Um, so that wasn’t my first period, but it was a couple of months later and I was still kind of getting used to all of that. Sort of my cycle and, you know, sanitary towels and, and you know, it just felt mortifying that everybody knew and that it was a mixed school as well.

So there were boys in the classroom anyway. So that was a, that also is a memory around my period, not my first one, but sort of a very early one. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You got your period at 11, and then what was your experience of your period like as you went through your teenage years? 

Donna Dia: Do you know, I have to say, I have always had I know much more about my cycle and periods now, and I’m sure we’ll, we’ll get onto that.

I didn’t know at the time, but I’ve always had what I would describe. As a dream period. As in I’m super regular. I am, you know, I have a 24 day cycle. I’ve always had a 24 day cycle since, you know, probably I didn’t know at 11, but from when I, you know, started to understand what a cycle was and when my periods would come, it’s always been the same time.

It’s always been relatively light and pain free. Which actually, you know, for my years, previously or prior, felt like a dream period. It had very sort of almost dire complications when it came to fertility and having a baby, which I’m sure we’ll get onto later. But obviously in my teens and twenties I didn’t know anything about fertility, wasn’t really interested in that side of things, so having a very light period felt great.

I could always, you know, if I wanted to, I could wear white jeans. I had girlfriends where they would leak through max pads, max tampons never my issue because it was always relatively light. Um, so I never, and I never had, you know, masses of pain or anything like that. I I experienced more pain when I ovulate, and that’s, to this day, I can, you know, when we were trying for our babies, I never needed the tests. I always know when I’m ovulating.

So prior to children, my periods were always yeah, pretty easy.

Le’Nise Brothers: And what are they like now? 

Donna Dia: Now we have, now I’ve had lots of complications around fertility, including Asherman’s. So they are very light, incredibly light to the point where it’s actually a hindrance.

I just don’t develop a very thick lining. Obviously I’ve never developed a very thick lining because my periods were always relatively light. And so when you need to have a baby, you need a thick lining. And so I’ve never had that. I then also had Asherman’s after, after some miscarriages, and so my periods now are, you know, wildly light.

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say a little bit more about Asherman’s for people who aren’t familiar with it? 

Donna Dia: Yeah, and I think, um, so, you know, one of the reasons why I wanted to do this podcast and speak with you is ’cause I think that I, I just didn’t know enough about what my period was. I knew it came every month, you know, you know what you need to do, what you need to buy, all of those sorts of things.

But I didn’t know until, I didn’t know until I had. You know, sadly my first miscarriage that your period was a lining, I didn’t even know that. I didn’t know what lining was when the doctor was sort of saying, you know, there was implantation problems ’cause you’ve got a thin lining. I was like, what are you talking about?

And so I think that maybe that’s just a me thing, but I do think women perhaps should be told exactly what your period is. It’s a shedding of your lining that grows every month and you know, your lining is there to sort of support a growing baby. I didn’t know that. Maybe that’s just me.

And so when I, I got pregnant for the very first time, I, we sadly miscarried and I. I have always had a thin lining, which I didn’t know. So when I was, I had a, I had what they would call a missed miscarriage, so my body didn’t recognise that my baby had not survived, and so it just clung onto it, which meant that I was left with options to have, you know, our baby removed and again very novice in this area. I just went with what seemed like the quickest sort of way to end the trauma, which was a D&C, which scrape, you know, does what it does. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Donna Dia: And, but what that meant is for someone with a very thin lining, it caused trauma to my already thin lining. So what that meant was that after that procedure and sort of once everything had sort of calmed down, my lining was non-existent and had sealed itself shut. So then I didn’t have any periods. My body was not, my body was doing, my cycle was still happening, but my cervix had the scarring because my lining was not functioning properly, let’s say, had sealed itself shut.

And so my periods weren’t coming out, if that makes sense. Obviously not. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Donna Dia: A doctor, I’m just sort of talking of personal experience and so that is what they call Asherman’s syndrome, which again, never heard of in all of my life. And bearing in mind I was 36 at this point, so, you know, I was, you know, it wasn’t particularly early into my having periods. I’d had periods for a very long time by that point. But yeah, so Asherman’s is where your, your lining almost seals itself together and so your periods cannot sort of come out, I suppose. And obviously if something can’t come out, then something can’t go in, and so you can’t get pregnant when you have Asherman’s.

And so I had a miscarriage that then led to Asherman’s that then led to a number of surgeries to rectify that scarring and to try and help my lining to flourish so that then we could go on to conceive and have babies. 

Le’Nise Brothers: After you had the surgeries, did you, were you educated more by your doctors or did you take it upon yourself to do the research to figure out what was going on?

Donna Dia: Oh, take it upon myself and, and this is what I find terrifying, is that if I was not the personality type that I am, that is quite persistent and ferocious, I would not have children. I have two young boys now, and we would not have them. You know, I went to my GP when my periods had disappeared and she was like, oh, that’s just menopause.

What? So it just happened overnight. Like at one point I was having very regular cycles, 24 days, you know, and then I get pregnant, I have a miscarriage, and then I’ve gone into menopause in like two months. And not just menopause, like perimenopause, like your periods have stopped menopause. Like you’re now Yeah, you’re past menopause.

I was like, that doesn’t make sense. And so yeah, I just literally, you know, did lots of research. Googled, you know, disappearing, you know, I did all of the Google searches and led you down a rabbit hole that somehow sprung up this word called Asherman’s that led me down a different rabbit hole to Facebook groups with women support groups where I was learning lots and lots about women who had Asherman’s, and that sounded like what I had. Um, and so from there I was able to research, but, you know, the treatment and the support that I was able to get had to be funded privately because the NHS were not also, I was kind of on a time thing, ’cause you know, I was in my late thirties, I wanted to have children. So, you know, when you say there’s a two year waiting list to see a consultant, to see if you have Asherman’s, that doesn’t really fit with the timeline that I know is available to me.

So yeah, a lot of research, a lot of appointments, private sort of route, a lot of wasted money because you don’t know a lot of things until you get further down the line. But yeah, happy ending because yeah, we do have our, our beautiful boys. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Can you say a little bit more about the process that, of actually getting to your first pregnancy? Because you had these, you had the D&C, then you had this scarring, which led to Asherman’s, and then you did all of this research, and it sounds like there was a lot of, you know, frustration, self-funding, and then can you just say a little bit more about what led to, obviously not the nuts and bolts of what led to your pregnancy?

Donna Dia: Yeah, no, no, no, no. But I mean, it was, it was a, it was a very long and traumatic journey and, and I say very long and traumatic journey. It actually wasn’t, you know, I have girlfriends and the research that I’ve done, there are women who are in this cycle for five years, 10 years, 15 years, you know, our period of multiple miscarriages and, and sort of Harley Street and Wimpole Street and all of those, you know, fertility streets, I call them now was just under four years. So it’s actually quite short in comparison to, as I say, a lot of women. But obviously it doesn’t feel that way. But in terms of the journey itself you know, I got pregnant. I had my first miscarriage and then that led to Asherman’s, which led to a number of surgeries, um, to try and fix that. Once those surgeries happened, it was then trying to sort of solve the issue of my very thin lining, which had obviously been my, my, that’s, that’s just my body because it, my periods had always been light.

So if you, again, I’m not a doctor, but to my understanding, if you have very light periods, it means you have a very, you probably have a thin lining because your period is your lining. There’s not a lot of period, there’s not a lot of lining. And so I’ve never had a lot of period. And so as I say, which was great in my, you know, my, my younger years, but when it came to having a baby, it was very complicated.

So we now had to try and look into routes that would help my lining to grow, would help my lining to thicken. And the problem with that is that the methods to help your lining a woman’s lining grow and thicken in order for them to have a baby very much depends on which doctor you see. So you will see doctor A, who will say, this is absolutely what you need to do to make your lining grow, and you are desperate and you want a baby.

So you will spend that money to do that. That may not work. Then you’ll go to doctor B who says that’s complete rubbish. You don’t need to do that. What you need to do, this is from this route, and these are the treatments you need to take for thousands of pounds and you’re desperate. So you do it and you do you know? And then so you are seeing all of the medical doctors who I found there was no consistency in terms of treatment. There was no consistency in terms of what would make my lining grow. And then on the other hand, so that’s what you’re doing medically and financially and then holistically you are, you know, you are in the forums, you are eating, you know, a hundred dates and 8,000 Brazil nuts and you are having watercress like, like it’s popcorn and you’re doing everything. So, you know, it’s kind of twofold in the fact that holistically you are sort of beating yourself up and doing these brutal things and you know, in terms of just trying to make your lining and grow and then medically you’re kind of hanging onto every doctor’s word and trying everything you can to to stimulate that. So it’s a bit of a, you know, it’s a brutal battle and I have so much respect for women that do it for, you know, five years, 10 years and, and longer because it is just not easy. Um, and your cycle becomes a little bit, well, for me anyway, my cycle became, it, it became almost like a cycle of torture because every month you are, you get your period. So that means you’re not pregnant. Then you have, for me, I’ve got a in 24 day cycle. So you get your period means you’re not pregnant. That’s huge disappointment. One or two days of huge disappointment a morning. Then you spend the next sort of 10 days doing everything you can medically, holistically, you know, nutritionally to get your lining to, you know, at least six or seven millimeters.

And then you get to your scan and it’s two millimeters. And so then there’s, again, there’s another period of, you know mourning and a bit of trauma that for that, you know, for those results. And then you think, well, I’ll have a miracle. And so you try and try and try, um, for, you know, the remaining time between, you know, ovulation and, and your period to, to get pregnant and then you get your period again and you’re not pregnant.

And so then it, instead of it just being a cycle of, you know, your, your menstrual cycle, for me it became a cycle of torture. And my 24 days was just quite hellish really. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And did you have any mental health support alongside of this? 

Donna Dia: I mean, obviously I had my, my, my husband, my family. But in terms of, you know, I’m the kind of person that if you have, if you know, if there’s a bereavement or there’s trauma, I’m the first to say you need a therapist.

I, I’d the first to say, I will take therapy. But in all honesty, during this period every penny you have, you want to put towards the treatment you know, and you’re not really, for me, I wasn’t really interested in my mental health. I was laser focused on doing all my energy was towards you know, my lining, my cycle, getting pregnant, it didn’t really, although I’m sure therapy and mental health support would have benefited that it felt like a distraction or a diversion.

So no, I didn’t really do any of those things. Even when we had, you know, we had multiple miscarriages and I still wasn’t sort of thinking, okay, perhaps I should speak to somebody about this, which I think would’ve been sensible. 

Le’Nise Brothers: When you look back now, do you feel like you have gotten to the point, because you’re talking quite openly about this now.

Do you think you’ve got to the point where you’ve been able to navigate and walk through the, that trauma that you experienced? 

Donna Dia: Yes, absolutely. I think not only have you worked, have I worked my way through it, but I am always very open. Like people are quite shocked at how open I am about. You know, what we’ve been through.

I’m sure my husband wouldn’t be, but for me, I think the reason that I am is because when we were going through it, so when I had my first miscarriage, I didn’t know anyone that had I. I thought I didn’t. I actually did, but I thought I didn’t. Equally, if I record this podcast and I say the word Asherman’s, if there is one woman out there who is, who has Asherman’s or suspected Asherman’s or in the future, God forbid, experiences that, but they know what to do, they know what to call it.

They don’t have to spend six months figuring it out and wondering. Then for me that is that’s a conversation very well had and what have I got to hide? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s nothing that, again, I’m in a place where that feels so very far in the past that I do feel emotionally able to speak about it.

And so it doesn’t cost me anything to share this information that may hopefully, I hope it doesn’t. I hope nobody needs it, but if a woman does need it they’re able to, you know, to, to have some guidance to maybe listen back to this podcast and sort of think, oh, what did she say? Asherman’s, let me Google that, go to the GP armed with the information.

So I went to my GP saying, this is what I’ve got. These are the symptoms. This is what you need to do. This is where you need to refer me to get that help. So. You know, I did go to the GP in the end. We did it privately, but I did go to the GP armed with that information. But unfortunately wait lists and things were too long.

But it just means that if that information can be shared and people can get the knowledge, then I think, um, it’s really important to, to share if you are able to, from an emotional and mental health perspective, which I am. So I do. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And I, I completely agree with you. All of these things that we’ve, we’ve almost like either suffered in silence about or just had these very whispered conversations about they need to come to light, and this is why I love having these conversations.

I want to talk a little bit about your periods, because you said that you had the dream period, and I think that’s really interesting because I’ve heard when people have, they, women have these really light periods, they always say, oh my period is a dream. It’s so light, it just comes and goes and that’s it.

How many days was your period? 

Donna Dia: Three. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Three days. 

Donna Dia: Three days. And you know, so. It would be day one would be relatively heavy. Not, no, not heavy, would be visible, let’s say. But by day, so, so day one and a half. So a day and a half would be visible and I would need to wear sanitary materials or, you know, and then by the end of day two, not really day three, I mean literally finished.

And so for me it was always, you know, if we were going on holiday, for example, you know, in your twenties with your girlfriends, I never really had to worry about, you know, oh, you know, am I going to be on during that holiday? Or I had some girlfriends, for example, if we were going on a big girly holiday, they would take the pill so that they could skip a period.

Never had to do any of that, because I knew that if I did come on on holiday, it would be a day. It wouldn’t be painful. I wouldn’t necessarily leak through anything. The dream. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, and it’s interesting because we hear so much about heavy periods and you know, the effects of that. But you know, on the flip side, having a really, really light period can mean like, and I say can because it doesn’t always, because I’ve, but I’ve seen this before where I’ve had clients, they’ve come to me, they say, oh, my period is two days, or it’s just really light the whole time.

I don’t even have to wear tampons or pads. I can just wear a panty liner. 

Donna Dia: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And you know, you kind of say, well, exactly what you experience. It’s, you know, we have to think about how we build up the lining of the uterus. 

Donna Dia: I just had no idea that, you know, and we are talking from 11. Year, or maybe I probably wouldn’t have been aware of it, 11, but let’s say, you know, from 15 to 36, I had no idea that a light two to three day period was, in my case, indicative of potential fertility issues. I just thought I was lucky. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And now you have your happy ending. You have two boys, and you also have another baby in the sense of your own business, your, you launched the Beauty Beat. Can you tell us about the Beauty Beat and why you felt this was so needed? 

Donna Dia: Do you know? In a way, I think, you know, parts of why the Beauty Beat exists is down to my fertility journey and linked to sort of everything that we went through and I went through in terms of, you know, my period and my cycle. And that sounds strange, but bear with me. But it, I just found that when I was going through all of that, there wasn’t really anywhere to go in terms of, you know, people to speak to. Um, and a and a community. There were Facebook groups, which were great, but I suppose I felt like in going through, you know, sort of miscarriages and, you know, cycles and, and all of that sort of stuff. You want to talk to your girlfriends, you want to talk to people that you know, but they hadn’t been through that and neither had my mum or my aunties because they didn’t have, you know. I think my mum does have a light and a, a thin lining because she also has a very similar period cycle to me.

Um, or had but she also had me very, very young. So potentially the fertility issues weren’t there because she had me a lot younger. And so anyway, I say all of that because I didn’t feel like there was somewhere as a Black woman particularly, but as a woman, but as a Black woman particularly, that felt I can just go and be open here and talk about beauty and wellness and fertility in a space that pertains to me. And so that was in my mind as well as the fact that, you know, I’d worked in events for a very long time, beauty events, and they also, on the professional side, I hadn’t seen an event that kind of incubated women of colour and Black beauty and Black wellness either.

So I think all of it came together. Um, you know, the fact that there nothing like it existed. The fact that I was on maternity leave and had a lot of time to think about what, what the Beauty Beat might look. I mean, it wasn’t called back then, but what the event might look like. What I would want to offer the community that would come, the attendees that would come.

Why was it important to, to build an event that could share information, that could educate around our beauty, our wellness, our gynaecological health, all of those things. And so that’s kind of how Beauty Beat came together. I’m not going to say it was solely because of what I had been through, but I think that contributed to it as well as the idea being there.

Because professionally I had seen there was a gap in the markets. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And in the beginning, did you get any pushback on the idea of having an event, dedicated to women of colour, Black women in in the UK? 

Donna Dia: So I didn’t really get any pushback, as in, no one has ever said to me, I mean, I’ve mean a few people on TikTok, but no one has ever said to me, you know, why are you doing this?

Or you shouldn’t be doing this, or, you know. Why do Black women and women of colour need an event all to themselves? No one has ever said that to me sort of directly. However, you know, raising the money for Beauty Beat is very difficult. It’s an uphill struggle. I will never know if that is because some brands just don’t have budget or it’s because some brands don’t want to do it because it is for, it’s a dedicated event for women of colour and Black beauty.

I think if this event was taking place in the US you know, the, the funding cycle of Beauty Beat would be very different because the US. You know, historically, maybe not today, with everything that’s going on, historically, brands in the US have huge marketing budgets, but they also have dedicated budgets for African Americans.

So what that would mean is when I approach brands and sort of say, would you like to showcase at Beauty Beat? And it costs this much. They’re not taking that budget out of their overall marketing budget. They’re taking that budget. For Beauty Beat potentially out of the budget that exists, particularly for the community that Beauty Beat serves.

And I think that’s a big distinction between how things historically have run in the US and how things run in the UK. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, and I, I remember when you approached me about it, about being involved in the health and wellness panel. I did some research and I was thinking to myself, I know that there are a ton of these sorts of events in the US but thinking like the, like it’s so obvious that something like this should exist in the UK.

Like, and you think about the numbers, the. Not only the number of women of colour and Black women in the UK, but the financially, how much we spend on, 

Donna Dia: oh my goodness, 

Le’Nise Brothers: beauty on hair, you know, on wellness and all of it. And so it should just financially be a no-brainer for a brand to be involved. 

Donna Dia: And this is what I say to brands.

I say, don’t you know, don’t do it. To tick a D and I box, do it because it makes really good financial, commercial business sense, because, you know the Beauty Beat community are a powerhouse of a consumer group. We spend so much money on our, you know, on our hair, on our skin, on our makeup, on our wellness.

It is such a priority for us as a community generally. Obviously not every single, you know, Black women or women of colour, but generally we invest. And so yeah, as I say to brands all the time. Yeah, look at the numbers. Look at the spend. Don’t take my word for it. Go to the organizations that look at budget and spend and income and, and look at the data and do it for, do it to make money.

If that’s why you want to do, you know, if that’s, if that, if it comes down to that, do it for that reason. But yeah, it’s a smart business decision to, to participate in Beauty Beat. And I say that, you know, all the time, if there was a secret camera, you know, recording my meetings, you would hear me say that time and time again to brands.

The fact that you need to invest in the, you know, Black women and women of colour because we invest significantly in you. So why would you not nurture a consumer group that is so important to your brand that’s so necessary? The success of your brand is in part due to this community. So you need to, you know, I believe you need to respect that.

You need to be grateful for that, and you also need to invest in that and, and nourish that commitment and loyalty that we have as a consumer group in the main to these brands. And most of the time these brands are wonderful. The brands that we work with are incredible and they recognise that. And you know, so then they do participate not only in Beauty Beat and but other activities and other, you know, activations and, you know, marketing , strategies that really do prioritise women of colour and Black beauty.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm. So can you talk a little bit about the evolution of the Beauty Beat? You, you started when you were on maternity leave and last year’s event was the biggest yet. 

Donna Dia: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And I remember walking in and I was just going to really blown away ’cause I had never seen anything like it before, you know, in the UK.

Donna Dia: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And I just remember this feeling of just almost feeling held. You know, like, wow, everything here. I could potentially use, you know, and like I’ve been to other events for, you know, other magazines, magazines have put on stuff and I’ve, you know, you go in that feeling, well, that’s not for me. That’s not for me.

But I never had that feeling at all. So can you talk a little bit about the evolution of the event, not only from a kind of business side, but also from a consumer side, how you’ve seen that change as well? 

Donna Dia: Yeah. So, and, and that was it, you know, in terms of what you’ve just said is, is again, you know, contributes to why I started Beauty Beat, because I felt that I was going to other events, which were wonderful. Other beauty events, wonderful beauty events, but I would be like, oh, I can’t use that or that, you know, eyebrow pencil in the goodie bag isn’t, you know, I can’t use that. It’s not the right shade or, or, you know, or that dry shampoo or that faked hand, not for me.

So it would feel a little bit excluded. I’d feel is slightly excluded. And so I wanted to create something that just. Really did centre. You know, women of colour and Black women that really, every single, my dream for Beauty Beat that was, was that when our attendees, you know, walked into Beauty Beat, they would feel from every single angle, you look left, you look right, you look up, you look down.

It is all for you. It is all, every inch of the event has been designed with you in mind as with you as the starting point, the middle point, and the end point. As a woman of colour, as a Black woman, that that is what Beauty Beat, how it was designed. You know, so when you are looking around, it looks like you, when you are shopping or you know, trying the products, they are all for you.

Whether that be the shade of the foundation or the fact that the conditioner is for our hair type or whatever it might be, or that the wellness conversation pertains to fertility from our perspective or you know, our gynaecological health. We’re going to talk about fibroids, we’re going to talk about things that disproportionately affect us.

And that’s really what I wanted to create. And, you know, when I had those ideas and those visions, I didn’t know. If that would be for five women or whether it would be for a thousand. I just, that’s just what I wanted to create. And so in terms of that evolution, we did, we, the first Beauty Beat was in 2022 and we sold 500 tickets.

And that blew my mind because, you know, it was year one. I have to caveat that with my background is large scale events, so. I’m very, very used to creating events for a thousand people, 2000, 5,000. That is what I used to do in my sleep. So 500 from a professional perspective felt quite small, but from a personal perspective of, oh my goodness, 500 Black women have bought tickets to this event.

I literally, on, on day one, we had sort of, ’cause it’s 500 across the weekend, so we had 250 women sort of, you know, coming through the doors and at one point it was packed and, and I literally burst into tears just because it just felt it just felt beautiful. It felt like so very special. Didn’t, not from a work perspective, it just, I just couldn’t believe that we had all of those women who’d had the faith to buy a ticket in year one, you know, before anyone knew about the goodie bag or anything like that.

And to come to Beauty Beat and, um, yeah, as you, you said, sort of, you know, three years later. That was 2022. And then three years later, in 2024, we had 2,500 women come through the doors and it still felt just as special because for me, I’m like, oh my goodness, I can’t get my head around the fact that, you know, we’ve been able to.

Bring together, build a community of so many women who, you know, I hope, feel like you. You know, they feel seen, they feel centred, they feel held, and they feel free to kind of just, you know, talk and engage and just just to be, just be. And you know, this year in 2025, we are going for 4,000 attendees.

And so this will, you know, it will grow again, hopefully. And again, it’s growing. Yes. Beauty Beat is a business. Um, and so of course there’s, you know, there’s bottom lines, there’s P&Ls and all of those sorts of things. But if I’m honest, the motivation to get 4,000 women in the building isn’t necessarily for my bottom line or the P&L.

It’s just to see that will be something to behold and something that will, I think, feel so special that I just can’t wait. 

Le’Nise Brothers: What sort of feedback have you got from attendees? 

Donna Dia: I mean, some of the feedback is just again, like, I’m quite an easy crier, so, you know, you know, and, and I, I, you know, feedback from any attendee, good or bad is always valid and always welcomed.

But the feedback that we get is just, it, it’s almost a little bit sad sometimes because women that attend for the first time, you can see the kind of genuine emotion and shock in their faces that, you know, they, they just didn’t think that they would be able to access such an event or experience such an event on UK soil.

And so when I say it’s sad, it’s just because I love that Beauty Beat is filling a gap, you know? Absolutely. It’s my business, it’s my baby, and I’m, I’m very happy of that. But I’m sad that it is, do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. I kind of, I’ll never forget. I think it was, well, I’ve had it twice now in year one.

And also in last year where you know, I had an elder elders, two elder women come up to me. And the first year it was, she was an American lady, but she’d lived in the UK for, you know, many, many, many years. Her daughter, who was also a grown up and was there, had, was born in the UK So I think she’d been in the UK like, you know, going on 30 years.

And she just said, it feels like I’m home. And like she had tears in her eyes and, you know, she looked great, but she looked, you know, wonderful and a blessed and aged woman. I think she probably was in her, you know, mid to late sixties, you know, but you never know with us, you know, sometimes she could have been in her seventies, that’s what she was an elder.

And I just, that moved me, like it moved my heart to have an elder lady come up to me with tears in her eyes and say Thank you, like. Yeah, that was quite an emotional moment and it happened again last year. A different lady who again was, you know, she was an elder and she sort of just said, I can’t believe this exists.

I can’t believe A, that you just have created this, like you as just, you know, a normal Black woman have created this and the fact that we are here and I think that feedback is always, is very, always feels very special. And then you’ve got everything in between of, you know, young ladies who are like, this is brilliant and, you know, they love the fact that all the products are for them and or the, you know, the foundation shades and, you know, for them and, and so you get all the feedback and uh, but also we get feedback that sort of says, you know, we want different things. Can next year can you do this? And, and that really helps the team too because, you know, I have, I had have a vision for Beauty Beat, but I’m just one person.

So it’s always helpful to hear from other women of colour, from other Black women what they want too, because ultimately Beauty Beat is for them. So I need to know what you want, you know, what they want in order to be able to keep delivering an event that truly feels like it’s about the community, that it’s centring us , and that it is truly for us.

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. Can we talk about the goodie bag? Yeah. ’cause I, I opened it up when I got home and you know, you do, you go to events, you do events, you get a goodie bag, you think, oh great, I’ll have a look. And it just, you know, there’s some nice bits and pieces. But when I open that goodie bag. Oh my word. I was just like, this is incredible.

Like full size products. Products that I would actually use. I mean, I was blown away. So tell me more about the goodie bag. 

Donna Dia: So, goodie bags are, are my kind of, I don’t know, I’m, I’m a bit obsessed with goodie bags. Okay. So the Beauty Beat goodie bags. So just in my personal life as a, just as Donna over the years, I hate when I go to an event and.

Firstly that there’s paper in the goodie bag. Like don’t give me leaflets. I don’t want leaflets. I want product. I don’t love when there’s food in goodie bags. I don’t want a snack bar. I can go to Tesco’s or say it wherever and buy a snack bar. So no. And also, I can’t bear samples, like samples sizes. I just think I don’t know why they exist. Like, because Right. A sample exists, I suppose, because what you know, brands think is that, you know, you’re going to try it and you’re going to like it. But how am I going to low if I like something when I’ve tried it for like 2.5 days with this little teeny tiny thing that, you know, it’s a moisturizer.

I’ve been able to cover one cheek. And an ear lobe, like I don’t know if I like it. So for me it needs to be full size. I need it to be dedicated beauty products. And I say to brands, again, it goes back to that sort of, I. You know, just treat, you know, treat your consumers, the community well, it’s a full-size product.

Yes. I, I do appreciate it’s expensive for the brands to, to give all of those units of product. But equally, I also stand on, stand my ground by saying that when you know, 2,500 women receive your conditioner or your facial wash or whatever it might be in that goodie bag, and they use it for, you know, two months or however long that full size product lasts, they are converted and they then purchase and repurchase and repurchase. So for the investment of giving. The full size product, you might have a loyal customer for the next 2, 5, 10 years who’s purchasing at full price that product again and again and again. So, no, you can’t put samples in. It does have to be full size, and those are the rules.

Le’Nise Brothers: I mean, you’re absolutely right. There is, from like a personal perspective, there is a, a moisturizer from 456 Skin. Yes. And I’ve been using that and I like, I tend to just use it sparingly, but mm-hmm. I’m about to run out and I will be buying that again. 

Donna Dia: See, that’s the thing. And so. You, that product has always been good, you, right?

So that as, as you know, all of the products, they’re always, they have always been good and they have existed for however long. But you might not have known about 456 Skin day hack. And if you did say, say it came up on, you know, your social media feed or wherever you, you know, you get your content from.

You might have thought, oh, but is it really going to work for me? And how much is it? And I’m not sure. Whereas now you’ve had the chance to try it and so you’ve tried it. You, you see that it works well on your skin. You see that for you, it’s a really good fit and now you’re going to repurchase. And that is exactly what I say to brands.

I’m like, make the investment for the goodie bag because believe me your products are brilliant, like across the board, so you are going to convert. And so yes, that is, um, that’s why I insist on full size and also because again, I’m a bit of a goodie bags, I suppose a goodie bag snob. I, you know, I only want full size products in my goodie bags that I receive.

And I get irritated by other, what I call filler items. I, mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. So can you give us a little sneak peek about what’s coming up this year? 

Donna Dia: Yeah, I mean, so this year is, I mean, I say this every year because it’s genuinely true, but this year is obviously going to be even bigger than, you know, previous years.

It’s going to be our biggest Beauty Beat yet because we will be welcoming, hopefully a lot more, you know, many more attendees through the doors. But equally we’ve taken on, just our biggest venue space yet as well. So not only, will we be increasing our attendees, we’re also increasing the size of the venue, which means that you know more brands, you know, more products, more engagement, more treatments.

And so again, you know, even though Beauty Beat is growing, it always comes back to treating the community, and that’s what it’s about. So when brands, you know, ask, can we participate? Absolutely. If you are an appropriate brand, we want you there. But how are you going to nurture the women that are attending?

What are you putting in the goodie bag? What are you doing on your stand to make sure that they’re feeling, you know. They’re just feeling special when they’re feeling you know, treated well and all of those sorts of things. So we just always want to expand on that and hope that this year we’ll be delivering even more of that.

And then obviously there’s all the extra bits, which I can’t sort of reveal too much, but, you know, great talks. Great brands, lots of experiential treatments, lots of complimentary treatments and yet, and lots of women, familiar faces on the stage at the event for everyone to kind of, you know, just engage with and have the most beautiful day, I hope.

And leave feeling full, feeling seen, feeling special and just feeling like, you know, you are ready to just, what’s the word? I hope that everyone leaves Beauty Beat feeling restored and refreshed. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Well, I definitely did last year, so I’m just really looking forward to this year’s event.

Donna Dia: Good, thank you. 

Le’Nise Brothers: What’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with today? 

Donna Dia: I think the one thought I’d like to leave listeners with is learn about your cycle. Learn about your gynaecological health whether you have light periods, whether you have heavy periods. Advocate for yourself, do your research and you know, just make sure that you are the champion of your health and take the time to investigate that. Even if you don’t have any you know, it is not about symptoms, it’s just about knowing yourself, knowing your cycle. I was able to push for my Asherman’s diagnosis because I knew my body inside out. I knew what my cycle was.

I knew when I got to 26 days, 27 days, and there was no period. I knew there was a problem, but I only knew that and was so confident in that self-diagnosis because I knew my body. If I didn’t know my body and I didn’t know my cycle as well as I had, it might have taken a much longer time to have got the help that I needed, which might have meant I didn’t have children, or I only had one child, or you know, who knows?

But my point is, is that. We just need to know ourselves, um, and know our bodies, whether that be our cycle, our breasts, whatever it might be just to, to take that time. Life is busy, life is hectic, but you know, none of that matters if you don’t have your health. So that’s what I’d probably say.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. How can people get in touch with you?

Donna Dia: The Beauty Beat event on Instagram. TikTok, the website, you know, follow us, engage with us. The event is this November. Get your tickets and come and see us. The whole team will be there, myself included. And we’ve got lots and lots of beautiful things planned. So yeah, come along. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Great. Thank you so much for coming on the show.

Donna Dia: Thank you for having me. It’s been wonderful. Could have chatted for hours.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 93, Jen Moore: Don’t Compare Your Endo Journey With Others

I’m so pleased to speak to Jen Moore, a medical campaigner and author of the new book, Endometriosis: Understand your symptoms, Get the right treatment, Reclaim your life on today’s episode of Period Story podcast. 

In this episode, Jen shares: 

  • Why it took 22 years to finally get an endometriosis diagnosis 
  • How a failed surgery led to her groundbreaking medical gaslighting campaign They Said What?
  • How therapy helped her with the emotional healing required after having a hysterectomy 
  • How she almost needed a new endometriosis diagnosis after her hysterectomy due to the spread of the condition on her ovaries, bowels, kidneys and bladder
  • How a casual conversation with a friend led to her writing a book on endometriosis 
  • Her advice for those struggling to get a diagnosis
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Jen says that endometriosis is such an individual condition and it’s so important that we don’t compare journeys – the only comparison is with yourself. 

Thank you, Jen!

Get in touch with Jen:

Her book

Instagram


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Hi Jen. Thanks so much for coming onto the show today. I am really excited to speak to you. You’re doing a lot of campaigning work and you’ve just released your first book, and we’ll get into all of that. But let’s hear about the story of your first period.

Jen Moore: Sure. Well, thank you for having me first. I’m very excited to join. My first period was a bit of a strange one. I didn’t really have menstrual health education at school. It was pretty much non-existent. All I knew came from my mum and, you know, and she had like the stack of period products ready and all that kind of thing. I just, I did not expect to be curled up on the floor of my parents’ bedroom.

Screaming, crying in agony. So much agony that I couldn’t straighten my back. I was sort of like in child’s pose and I couldn’t straighten my spine. I would bleed so, so much. And it was quite frightening. I was 11, so it was quite alarming to, to see that much blood. It was the first time I’d ever seen so much blood.

So yeah, my first period was confusing. And quite, I don’t wanna use the word traumatising, but quite a, to an 11-year-old, it was, I suppose. 

Le’Nise Brothers: So you mentioned that, you didn’t really have much knowledge but you did have the preparation, so your mum had a stack of, uh, menstrual products there for you to for you to use, it was so painful and you were screaming. What did your parents do? 

Jen Moore: So my mum also has endometriosis and she had a hysterectomy when I was a toddler because that’s what they told her would cure it. We obviously now know that’s not the case , but back then that was what they did. So she had a hysterectomy when I was a toddler and she kind of taught me the mechanics and the basics of what a period was.

She didn’t want to terrify me by telling, you know, what her experience was, but when it did start and it was very painful and very, very heavy, she was obviously able to recognize certain warning signs very early on. So my mum took me to the doctors straight away when I was 11, pretty much as soon as my first period had happened.

But. I was just told I’m an unlucky one, that sometimes these things happen when they first start and then they kind of settle as you grow up. And, and that it was just perfectly normal for some of us to have these really painful, really heavy periods. And it wasn’t until I was writing this book and I, and I spoke to my mum that she confessed that she was made to feel like she was this pushy parent. You know, she was this neurotic mother who was pushing her own health issues onto her child. And so she was made to feel like it was all in her head, and I was made to feel like it was just this perfectly normal thing. So yeah, that, that was a difficult conversation actually, when I first had that with my mum earlier this year, to to find out that not only had I been gaslit from the age of 11, but she was also being gaslit from the other side. But I mean, in my heart, I’d hoped that that was an unusual occurrence for mothers. But when I posted it on my stories on Instagram, the amount of messages from mothers who said this happened to me, and it shouldn’t be such a widespread experience for us.

But here we are. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. So she was being, quote unquote a, a pushy parent. Getting told that this is normal, you know, it would settle. And at what point did you then realise that this wasn’t going to settle? Like this was actually something else? 

Jen Moore: So they put me on the pill when I was 11. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Sorry you when you were 11?

Jen Moore: Yeah, they put me on the pill. They were like, just, just take this. This will help. And there was no further investigation, no further kind of look at what could be causing that pain and no real checkup beyond a blood pressure check every couple of years. So what that did was it did sort of settle my symptoms a little bit, but I would still suffer from horrific periods and sort of three to four days of just excruciating pain.

And we would go back to the doctors and we would always mention them, even if it was, you know, for a different reason that I was going to the doctors. I would always say, or my mum would always say at the end, you know, she, she’s still really suffering with these painful periods. And again, it was, it’s normal, you know, this is just, the women’s bodies are built for pain was a, was a lovely one.

And so that continued for 22 years. This kind of cycle of me, of me going to a doctor telling them that I was really suffering during my period and ovulation as it then developed. And then just saying variations of it’s normal. You are already on the pill, so there’s nothing else we could do, even if it was something else.

I’d obviously heard of endometriosis by this point and you know, my mum had explained. We were both quite concerned that that is what was happening. So I was one of the ones that knew what Endo was before I was diagnosed, and even then I would bring it up and be told, you know, no, you can’t possibly have Endo.

You are too young, or it’s not as common as everybody likes to make out, or even if it is Endo, you’re on the pill. That’s all we can do. So yeah, it was, it was pretty much Groundhog Day for 22 years. Even though we knew something was wrong 

Le’Nise Brothers: And what was the turning point? When did you, after 22 years of dealing with, as you say, medical gaslighting and diminishing what you were experiencing, what was the turning point where you were actually able to get a diagnosis?

Jen Moore: So it was during lockdown in 2021 and my, my friend and I set up the world’s smallest book club. It was just her and I and we read Period Power by Maisie Hill, and it was the first real kind of comprehensive look at a cycle that I had ever seen. And so I kind of realised that being on the pill from 11, I had no idea what my normal was in terms of my cycle, ’cause I’d, yeah, I’d just been blanketed underneath these hormones for so long. And that’s not to demonise the pill, it’s just to say that I, I didn’t know anything different. So I, I think it was probably a bit of lockdown madness. I just stopped the pill. I just thought, oh, I wonder what it’s like underneath, and just stopped.

And I think within two to three cycles, the symptoms that I used to experience during my period were every single day I. I was bedbound. I was in so much pain. I was, I was vomiting, I was passing out, I was losing so much blood that I just, I mean, I’m pale anyway. I am from Wales. We are very pale people, but even the tiny bit of color I do have just, just left my body.

I was just losing so much blood. I had to use walking sticks because my hips would just give out from underneath me. And, and yeah, that happened frighteningly fast that this became my daily life. And my husband and I kind of looked at each other and we thought, well, we don’t wanna take up doctor’s time because it’s COVID and, you know, all this stuff is happening.

But I, I just didn’t know what else to do at that point. Um, so I wrote down on three sides of A4, every single symptom that was happening in my body. I didn’t know if they were connected. ’cause at that point I still thought endo was a period condition. So I thought writing down things that were happening in my legs ’cause, or my hands weren’t related, but I did it anyway and I just read it all out on the phone to my GP and she just went quiet and said, we need to get you a scan.

Like something is, is not right. So I had the, the ultrasound scan. And it came back clear as so many of ours do. And that unfortunately kind of terminated the care pathway on the NHS. It was sort of like, well, there’s no endo on this scan, so we don’t need to do anything further. And I was exceptionally fortunate and I do recognize that, that my parents just said, enough’s enough, you know, you, you were for two decades sort of okay-Ish and getting on with your life, but now this is ruining your entire life. So they, they said, whatever it takes, we will cover it. Just, just find an answer. So I went private and that was when I was diagnosed after an MRI in 2022. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And what was that feeling like?

Mm-hmm. Uh, getting that diagnosis. 

Jen Moore: I describe it as one of the most confusing times in my entire life because I was happy because finally somebody had said, there’s a reason for your pain. No wonder you’re in this pain. And so I was happy, and then I thought, what is wrong with you? You’ve just said that you are happy for being sick and having a chronic condition.

And then I started to feel guilty about that because what kind of person is happy? They’re sick. And then I was panicking because the next thing was surgery, but I was also really hopeful because I thought back then that that would give me my life back. And then I was really guilty again because. You know, it was obviously gonna cost a lot of money, and my parents had said that they would cover it, and I felt guilt for that.

But then I also felt gratitude for that, and it was this whole spectrum of emotion happening within the space of an hour, and it was so intense that I just sat on my sofa. And my husband was cooking us dinner and I just alternated between laughing and crying for about another two hours. And he was like, are you okay?

And I was like, I genuinely don’t know. I need to like process this for a little bit before I answer that because I don’t know if I’m okay right now. And I think that’s really, really important to acknowledge that more than one thing can be true at the same time. You know, you can be concerned but grateful, you know, thankful and happy and validated at the same time as angry at a system that left it for so long.

You know, we are very complicated beings as humans, and we can hold these emotions all at once, and that’s so, that’s okay if it’s confusing and overwhelming because. It is, you know, to not put too fine a point on it. It is a very overwhelming time. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And so what happened next? 

Jen Moore: Mm, so after that I had a surgery within a couple of months because it was private again, very fortunate.

And he was a very, very well respected oncology surgeon, gynecology oncology. So a cancer surgeon very used to doing complicated surgeries and he said to me, endo, you know, it’s terrible, but we’ve got this, you know, we can do this. And so we were so hopeful and I had the surgery and he diagnosed me with stage two endo and a bit in quotes of adeno and he, you know, was very, very confident that he’d got it all, and that everything with it was gonna be fine. And after about eight weeks, I think I knew that it was not fine because I, I could, I’ve had surgeries before, albeit orthopedic, but I’ve had surgeries. I know what surgical healing is. And this wasn’t surgical healing.

It was the same pain that I was having from before. And I waited until my follow up with him. ’cause you know, at this point I thought this guy was like a knight in shining armor. So I was like, I’ll tell him and he’ll fix it and he’ll tell me what to do. And I told him, and he, he leaned back and he said, Jen, I’m, I’m the surgeon.

You know, I’ve done my job and I think this might be psychosomatic now. So you need to be aggressive with pain medication and, and look at therapy. And I was crushed ’cause I thought this guy was my hope for my future. And at that point I was so low in terms of my mental health. I was so low. And I thought he was my hope and my kind of life raft.

And to hear that crushed me and I, I walked out. My husband, God love him. He is amazing. But he, he looked at me and he said, you know, Jen, you’re a really intelligent woman, but he is right. You are not a doctor. Maybe we should listen. Maybe he’s right, but if you want a second opinion, I back you. We will do it in a heartbeat. So I did, I got a second opinion with, at this point, I knew how important it was to see someone who’s an expert in endo and doesn’t do lots of other surgeries. So I found someone, I went to see them and I ended up having surgery with him almost a day to, or a year, sorry, to the day of my first one.

And it was really, really a quite a complicated surgery because I needed a urology surgeon and I needed all sorts of other people in the room. And he changed the diagnosis to stage four. He said I was at risk of double kidney failure because there was disease missed that was choking both of my ureters.

And he also said that the adenomyosis was so advanced that it was the right thing ’cause I ended up having a hysterectomy during that surgery as well. So it was a bit of a, a wild 12 months from that first surgery to the second surgery. Bless him though, I will say, my husband afterwards, he was like, never listen to me again.

He was like, he was like, you know, your body, I, I am converted. Like, you know, you do you when it comes to your body because clearly no one else understands it like you do. And I think that’s so true for all of us, isn’t it? It’s, it’s that inner knowledge of what’s going on and that it isn’t right. Um, but yeah, it was, it was a bit of a wild what happened next?

Le’Nise Brothers: So you had this very complicated surgery where the result was a hysterectomy amongst other procedures. Can you talk a little bit about what you were feeling after you found out that you needed to have a hysterectomy? Because the thing that that I think not a lot of people are aware of is when you have these surgeries, so laparoscopy and then anything beyond that, you need to sign a consent form that then that gives them the option to do a hysterectomy if needed. So you are waking up from the surgery. You are getting told everything is fine. You’ve had x, y, and z done. Talk about how you felt after that. 

Jen Moore: So I knew that hysterectomy was very, very likely, going into the surgery, and it was something that I, at that point was in so much pain.

That I just wanted it out anyway. So at that point it was just kind of instant relief and it turned out it had fibroids too that nobody had picked up before. So that was in the words of my surgeon, one very diseased organ. So to have it out was instant relief physically and mentally. It was kind of, I could feel that this bowling ball of an organ, ’cause that’s what it felt like was gone straight away.

Like that pressure and that heaviness was just gone. And emotionally it was like, I never have, have to have a period again. This is amazing. So it was, I think it was probably a couple of weeks, maybe even a month after. I realised what that actually meant, and I was never able to have children because my husband and I always thought there would be time.

We didn’t know if that was right for us in any of the moments before in our life. And so we always thought there would be the choice. And so suddenly to have that choice permanently removed from the table. Hit me really quite hard and I, it doesn’t mean I regret it ’cause I don’t, that physical relief is enough to, to convince me that it was the right thing for the rest of my life.

But it is hard and it comes with a lot of consequences. Even if you aren’t somebody who desperately wants a family, you know, it’s really difficult and my sister-in-law, bless her, she basically conceived her daughter the day I had my hysterectomy, we think. So it was this really stark reminder of two different life paths for a woman, and we’re very similar in age and we’re very close locally.

So it was all, you know, it was a constant reminder. And that first year, I think was so much harder emotionally than I was ever prepared for or ever expected? You know, the first Mother’s Day, the first Halloween, when everyone’s doing cute stuff on Christmas, the first Father’s Day ’cause my husband, he was more convinced than I, that maybe he didn’t really want children.

So for him he was fine. And you know, that’s his own words, not, I’m not putting them for him, but for me, when it got to the first Father’s Day. I had to leave the supermarket because of all the stuff around me. And I just felt so much guilt that not only had these conditions taken my choice away, my ability to change my mind, they’ve taken his too.

And it was so difficult and it still can be now when I, I write about it in the book and when I was reading the audiobook version, that was the only part where I kind of choked. ’cause it’s. I dunno. It’s just what we are taught from such a young age, isn’t it? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Jen Moore: Play with your little babies and you know, do all these lovely things with your little dolls and one day you’ll have children and you’ll understand and all these messages.

And then suddenly you’re kind of like, well, what does that leave me? Where does that leave me? And it coincided as well with some trolling online, which wasn’t helpful because it kind of, these wonderful people were basically reiterating my inner fears and they were like, oh, your husband’s gonna leave you.

You’ve removed your only purpose on this planet, so you might as well just un alive yourself. There was some really horrific stuff. It was like, well now you don’t deserve to take up Earth’s resources because you are not providing anything, so we, you know, we should just get rid of you. And it’s horrible to see that sort of thing when you are trying to process it yourself.

So, yeah, it was. It hit me in a way that I never expected it to. And it was very confusing because I didn’t regret it either. It was this really weird thing, and I think it’s just important to know that that’s okay and that it’ll affect all of us differently. And no matter what you feel after something like that, it’s okay if it isn’t what you expected.

And it just takes time. Yeah, it does get better. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Did you have any therapy or were you offered any therapy? 

Jen Moore: Heh. Was I offered it? No. Did I find it myself? Yes. And it was one of the best things I did and it helped me remember that, you know, to find the important things in my life and what I adore and I cherish and just invite more of those in and, and that to remember the human underneath all of these conditions.

’cause it can be really all consuming. So yeah, it’s, I would recommend it to anybody. It’s a tricky one because especially before hysterectomy, sometimes we are told we have to have therapy in order to have one in terms of we don’t believe that you really want it. So you need to see a, you know, a health professional to check.

And I think it’s quite tricky then to be told therapy can help because we’re so defensive, because we’ve had our mental health used and weaponised against us for so long. You know, it’s in your head, it’s anxiety, it’s stress, you’ll change your mind. But it, I think it is really important and really, really helpful.

Le’Nise Brothers: There’s a physical healing, there’s the emotional healing, but what we know about endometriosis is that hysterectomy is not a cure. Can you just talk a little bit about, you said that you knew about the stage of endometriosis that you had. Mm-hmm. But what type of endometriosis did you have, because you mentioned your kidneys, so can you say a little bit more about that, and can you also talk a little bit more about what your experience is now of the condition?

Jen Moore: Sure. So there’s three types of endometriosis. And it, you’ve got superficial, which I hate that term because it makes it sound like it’s not a big deal, but it can be just as debilitating. Just means it doesn’t grow more than naught 0.5 millimeter into a tissue. So that’s all that means. So you’ve got superficial.

You’ve got deep infiltrating endometriosis where it grows more than naught, 0.5 millimeters into a tissue. And then you have ovarian endometriomas as well, which are basically, they also call them chocolate cysts, which is just a really unappetising name. But they can grow to really quite a size in the ovary.

And you also have, which isn’t a type of endometriosis, but it, it can be caused by endometriosis and the surgeries adhesions, which is if you picture a pumpkin when you cut the top off at Halloween, that kind of meshy fibrous stuff. That’s the best way I can think of to visualise adhesions. And it sticks things together.

So it sticks organs to organs where they’re meant to slide nicely. It kind of glues them, and then you get that ripping pain. Um, it’s, it’s horrible, horrible stuff, but it’s sadly quite. Overlooked as a cause of considerable pain. And I had all, all of those in various places. It’s really, really tricky when we talk about staging, because I had stage four and it was debilitating, but some people can have stage four.

So you know, they’ve got all of the above. The, the, the endometriomas, the deeply infiltrating disease, the adhesions, the superficial deposits, you know. You can have all of that and be completely asymptomatic, or you can have one tiny speck of superficial disease and be debilitated too. So it’s. It’s a really complicated disease that we, that we just don’t know enough about.

We are looking to move away from the staging system because it, because of that complication and because it can minimise patients with the lower stages, which is just not helpful to anybody, um, to looking at something where it is based on location and, and all that kind of thing, which I think is, you know a sensible move. So in terms of where I am at now, obviously there isn’t a cure for endometriosis and I currently had an MRI few months back and they can see that my bowel loops are stuck together. My ovary is tethered to the vaginal vault where they seal the, the vagina after a hysterectomy. So the ovary is stuck to that.

My bladder is stuck to that. My bowel is stuck to the bladder. You know, it’s. It’s a bit of a mess in there. And what we’re currently trying to figure out is whether it’s adhesions causing all of this, whether it’s deeply infiltrating endometriosis, whether it’s a combination and, and the kind of best, best route forward.

But it’s, it’s crushing to be honest. And what I noticed is that after my hysterectomy, it was like having to be diagnosed again. Because even though we know a hysterectomy isn’t a cure for endometriosis, that isn’t common knowledge,. Amongst wider healthcare professionals. So I ended up in a, in A&E, and I was there for 24 hours because nobody could figure out what to do with me.

So gynecology said, Hmm, she doesn’t have gynecological organs, so she can’t come here even though I have ovaries and the endo clinic, it’s under gynecology. So that was just, I don’t understand that. But the colorectal team was like, well, she can’t really come here because it’s not. I mean, rightly so. It, it’s not really our field either.

And you know, it’s just kind of being bounced around all these departments and the result was a patient sat for 24 hours in the waiting room. So it’s, it’s difficult when you’ve had a hysterectomy and then you start to wonder if there’s still some endo in there because it’s almost like you have to fight for diagnosis again.

Especially if you aren’t seeing, you know, a private specialist if you’re not. Mm-hmm. But it, it’s, yeah, it’s hard and it’s tiring and it’s exhausting, but, uh, we take it day by day. That’s what we’re trying to do at the minute. Just, just take it one step at a time. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story.

I think it’s really important for people to hear that hysterectomy, not being the full answer because again, I’ve heard this a lot from, from, from a lot of my clients and people that I’ve spoken to, they go to their doctor, they get told, oh, well, you just have a hysterectomy. Especially with fibroids.

Jen Moore: Yes. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Oh, have a hysterectomy. With adenomyosis, have a, have a hysterectomy that will cure everything. But we know that especially with endometriosis, it’s much more than that. Mm-hmm. So now talk a little bit more about, I wanna talk about the book in a second, but I was really intrigued when I saw your signature or your email signature and you said that you, one of your your titles was a medical gaslighting. Campaigner? Yeah. Can you say more about this? 

Jen Moore: Sure. So I didn’t really fully understand medical gaslighting until about a month before my hysterectomy, and the surgeon looked at me and he was like, you know, Jen, I’ve got three kids. Maybe the fact you can’t have any will balance out the environmental impact of mine.

And I at the time. I just, I was like, oh, okay. Like, because I was hope I was trying to get access to healthcare, so I was just like, okay. Uh, great. But it wasn’t until after my surgery and I was recovering in bed and that interaction just kept circling back into, into my brain, almost like a flashback.

And I was like, what is this? And it was then that I came across the title of, of medical gas lighting. And when I started looking at it. I realised that I have been medically gaslit since the age of 11. And medical gaslighting ranges from the death by a thousand cuts. It’s normal or you know, that’s just what a woman has to deal with all the way up to those horrific, misogynistic, overtly horrible comments.

And it’s everything in between. And I realised that I had been exposed to so much of it. At this point in my life that I had internalised it and started to believe it. And I realised when I was a teenager, I was gaslighting myself because of it. And I was saying, maybe I just have a low pain threshold.

Maybe I’m just not coping with this properly. How come everybody else is dealing with this? And I can’t, that I must be weak. And it enraged me so much, and I started doing this thing on my Instagram where I would take some of the ridiculous quotes that I’d sort of thought back on, and I turned them into like motivational poster style art.

And I put it up on my, on my Instagram, and I was flooded with comments and messages from women and other marginalized people too. They had their own examples and not just one. They had numerous examples each, and I realised that this problem is so much bigger than myself, so much bigger. And I started trying to think, well, what can I do about it then?

’cause it’s one thing, you know, to share our experiences and our stories, and that’s super, super important for community and validation and emotional support. But it’s not gonna help my nieces. And I, I look at my nieces and I’m like, I refuse to let you be told what I’ve been told. So I was thinking, well, what can I do?

And it was when I started then to speak up about it. And I, I founded a project called, They Said What?And it’s gathered so far. Nearly thousands. So we’re kind of nearly tipping the thousands mark of experiences of medical gaslighting from around the world, but primarily in the UK. And when I look at those submissions, I am just, I, I’ve cried at numerous, I have sworn at many, some I have laughed at.

Because they are just so ludicrous, and, and the person submitting them is like, this is so ridiculous. All you can do is laugh. And it’s, it’s so systemic. This is so beyond a couple of misogynistic doctors, and if we remove them, then the problem is solved, goes way deeper than that. We need to, I try to think of it as like a garden and if you just remove one weed, but you’ve still got the weeds in the soil.

Then they’re just gonna keep coming back and choking all of the good plants that are there too. So we need to actually change the soil. We need to dig everything out, and we need to start again because this is something that has been baked into our medical system for millennia, and it isn’t gonna change overnight.

And a lot of the time doctors don’t realise they’re doing it, especially with those kind of, it’s normal. Take the pill. That’s what they’ve been taught at medical school. So of course they’re gonna pass that knowledge on because they think that’s the right thing to do. You can’t really blame those doctors for that.

I mean, you can blame the guy that told me my infertility was a good thing. Like he’s, he’s another example. We can blame him a lot, but you know, the ones that just are passing on the knowledge they were taught. You can’t really blame them. That’s down to the education and the curriculum. So the project, um, is working with clinical schools currently to, to try and improve that.

It’s, it’s gonna take a long, long time. It’s not an overnight fix, but I am hopeful. I’m hopeful that if we keep raising it and. Saying that we are not gonna internalise that anymore, then we can make a change. But it’s, it’s gonna take a long time and a lot of effort and also a lot of humility from doctors, I think to, to lower that ego, which we all have to lower that ego and to say, do you know what?

I’ve probably been guilty of that and I didn’t realise, so I’m gonna be more aware of it in the future. It takes, it takes a lot from a lot of different parties. But yeah, it’s something that I’m really proud of and I would love to do to do a lot more of in the future. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Have you had any feedback from doctors on this?

Jen Moore: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Because, you know, I think most, most women especially. Including many, many women of color have some sort of experience with a doctor. Yeah. Where they felt minimised. They felt diminished, they felt gaslit. And some women are able to push back and say no. You know, like I won’t accept that. But a lot.

Because they’re in this kind of matriarchal, patriarchal situation where you, they’re so learned. They’re, you know, they know so much. They feel like they can’t. Mm-hmm. So what, what sort of feedback have you got from doctors about this? 

Jen Moore: So the one thing I, when I started it that I really wanted to be clear on is that it isn’t about bashing doctors or any particular section of doctors like GPs or gynos because we need them.

We need them on board to, to change this. And so the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive and kind of wanting to, to make a change. And especially with the younger generations, when I go into clinical schools, it’s very much. How can we make sure we are not making these mistakes? How do we make sure we can be better doctors for our patients?

And so the, you know, overwhelmingly it’s been very, very positive. You do get a certain section who aren’t as willing to lower that ego and to have the conversation. And they get very, very defensive. And to some extent I can understand, you know, they’ve been taught that they are academically high achievers.

They’re very, very intelligent. They’re the best of the best. They get into medical school and they’re taught that, you know, they are the sort of pantheon of medical knowledge and health knowledge. And so for them to have patients or a group of patients challenging that and saying, well, actually you are harming patients sometimes.

It’s, it’s hard for them to take because you don’t go into medicine because you want to hurt people. Right. You, you don’t, because you want to help them. You’d hope so. It, it can be a lot to kind of process. So it’s, it’s finding that balance of allowing them to have that moment of, whoa, hang on. You know, I don’t agree.

But also then sort of talking them round gently and showing them that it isn’t. An attack on them. It’s an attack on the system that they were educated in, and not even an attack. It’s just a, an effort to improve it really. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Jen Moore: But then you do, so you do get some then that come round, but then you do just get the hardcore ones.

And I, I hate generalising because we are all different and all human, but it tends to be the older ones and the, you know. Older white males, if I’m being honest, but just are like, no, this is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. And this doesn’t exist. And, and calling it gaslighting is harmful to real, uh, victims of gaslighting.

So, you know, instant victim blaming, there you are not being gaslit. Whereas actually when you look at the definitions of gaslighting, it’s, it’s pretty much textbook. But yeah, so you do get them. But I’m very, very grateful that they have been in the overwhelming minority. The ones that kind of just, just aren’t interested.

Yeah. Yeah. It is important to work with the clinicians though, and so I’m always conscious that it isn’t just about, you know, attacking them because that’s not productive for anyone. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, and thinking more now, speaking more now about your patient advocacy work, your book, which is Endometriosis, Understand your symptoms, Get the right treatment, Reclaim your life has just come out and it’s basically as a patient yourself, a way for other people with endometriosis to advocate for themselves, have the right information. I want to just understand a little bit more about how the book came to life. As an author myself, I’m really interested in this side of it. So can you talk more about how the book came to life? 

Jen Moore: Sure. So I have always loved books.

I was kind of nicknamed Matilda growing up. You know, I was obsessed with Bell and Matilda and two bookish icons. And so I always had it in my head that I would love to write a book at some point, but I just didn’t really know what, what it would be. And then when I started doing my Instagram account and, you know, putting information out there and working with experts and trying and also patients and just gathering all of this information. I realised there was nowhere that it was all in one place. It was, you would have to scroll through a feed sometimes going back a year to get to a certain topic or, and I just thought that’s, that’s great and it reaches a lot of people, but wouldn’t it be nice if it was all in one place?

And so I basically created what I wished was around, um, I. There are some fantastic books that are a little bit more like memoirs in terms of their own experience with endometriosis, and I, I didn’t want this to be that because my story is not unique. It’s not any different to any other patient that I talk to if I’m honest.

In fact, it’s quite often a, even though it took 22 years and a failed surgery, it’s, it’s quite often better than most people that I’d speak to because I don’t have these kind of other intersectional hurdles that I have to face. So I didn’t want it to to be my story. I wanted it to be our story collectively with voices that don’t often get to be heard both from patients and also experts, you know, the patient, the, um, sorry, the surgeons that are normally in the operating room, so we don’t often hear from them, you know, which is fantastic. We’d like, please stay in the operating room. But it was just amazing to get them on board and just to have up to date information and be able to say, here it is, in one like nice little package.

Was just something that I thought would be incredible. So I, I put the proposal together and then it sat on my computer for a while. ’cause I, I had the imposter syndrome and I thought, well, nobody, like, I’m not a doctor, nobody’s gonna want this. And I was speaking to an author friend Sarah Graham, who wrote Rebel Bodies and we were having cake in a bookshop, very fittingly.

And I mentioned that I had this proposal and she said I think my agent might like this. So she put me in touch with her agent and then within a few months, Bloomsbury had signed on and suddenly I was writing a book. So that was, yeah, it was a very, very intense few months because we wanted to get it out as soon as possible, because whilst I do think endometriosis is having a bit of a moment in terms of awareness, it’s important that that awareness is accurate and diverse.

And I don’t think it necessarily has been. And I think a lot of it has been very trauma dumping and click baiting. Um, which, you know, the media is the media. They gotta do what they gotta do. But just to have this opportunity to actually talk about nuance and depth and intersectionality and all these things that we don’t often get the space to, um, was really, really important to me.

So yeah, it kind of. I still feels like a bit of a whirlwind ’cause it hasn’t even been a year since we signed contracts to now, so it happened really fast. But it’s something that I’m proud of and I don’t, I don’t often say that I’m not very good at saying that about myself, but I am very, very proud of it.

Le’Nise Brothers: Well, you should be proud. It’s amazing to have a book out in the world and someone said this to me when my book was being released. She said, this is just the beginning and it really is, and I you’ll see this like in a year, in a couple of years because the book, it will, it will always be there. You know, like someone has a heart, but hopefully many people have hard copies of your book and instagram can go away. You know, social media can go away, but you know, this will always be around and that’s something that I think is quite exciting to know that, you know, you, someone doesn’t have to scroll through a feed to find information. You can just say, okay, well pick up a copy of my book and you know, you can get more information there.

And I think, yeah, you should be really proud of that. 

Jen Moore: Thank you. Thank you so much. And the feedback has been so. I say it’s been like heartwarming and mind blowing in equal measure. It’s to, to see people sending me pictures of it in while they’re in the hospital waiting room, and a surgeon messaged me and said, my, my client or my patient just walked into clinic today and with a copy of your book.

And to hear that and just to read the reviews, that it’s giving people back their confidence and that just, yeah, it’s every, all I wanted to do was do this community justice, all of us. All of the community. And yeah, that’s all I wanted to do. And the feedback is, is maybe saying that I, that I kind of did that.

So, yeah. Yeah. I am proud. I am proud and I’m very excited to see where it leads. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. One thing I did wanna ask you, and I, as a nutritionist, every sort of book like this, I always flip and see what people are talking about food. Mm-hmm. And you know how they’re talking about supplements and when I looked through your book, I was like, oh there are only about two pages on nutrition. Can you talk a little bit more about why you decided not to include a bigger focus on nutrition and supplements? 

Jen Moore: Sure. So nutrition, when it comes to endometriosis is a bit of a hot topic, and so I wanted to handle it delicately because so many of us are taught just lose weight or that, you know, you Google and you find this endo diet that is going to magically fix you. And to be honest, there is no such thing as an endometriosis diet that is gonna work for everybody. And so what I didn’t want to do in this book was to say, here’s an endo diet that is gonna work for you.

Because if it doesn’t it kind of then leads to, well, why didn’t that work for me? What did I do wrong? Did I, and there’s a lot of shame and judgment around nutrition when it comes to chronic illness. Sadly, we know it is incredibly important and that, you know, following basic anti-inflammatory principles, for example, can be helpful for symptom management.

But beyond that, it is so individualised. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. 

Jen Moore: And so I didn’t want to go down this track of presenting false hope and saying, these are the rules, you know, this is the right way to do it, because there’s no right or wrong way. And when, what I worry about with some of the discourse around nutrition and endometriosis in particular is, and I’ve had this, and I know numerous patients have had this ’cause they’ve told me.

Well, if you are not doing this, you are not taking your disease seriously. You are not, you know, you can’t be that bad because you’re not willing to do this. And so instead what I wanted to do was, was bring it up and say, you know, nutrition can have and want your mental impact on symptoms for some people, and it is worth exploring.

But I also wanted to start introducing some little seeds of thought that it isn’t the same for every person. That actually there are cultural differences that make saying, you know, follow this diet a little bit more difficult and sometimes borderline racist. You know, there are sort of economic issues behind some of the diets that are presented that are, you know, just so many things.

Actually sometimes I think some of the nutrition discourse can be a bit victim blamey at the minute on social media, and it can be, well, you need to do this, and even if you’re in the middle of a flare up, then you know it must be because you’ve eaten something wrong and you need to do this. So it was a tricky one because.

I, I didn’t want to ignore it. It felt like an elephant in the room, but I wanted to start sowing these thoughts of we are all unique and we all have unique triggers. And so working with somebody who is understanding of chronic illness and able to guide you through that in a more gentle way, that’s what I wanted to put forward.

Not say I know about nutrition. Here’s the perfect diet because it worked for me. It might be somebody else’s worst nightmare for numerous reasons. It might include flare foods. For them, it might be economically impossible. It might be completely alien to them culturally to, to, to follow this diet and something that they don’t want to give up.

You know, it is, it’s so nuanced and yeah, it’s, it’s a tricky one because it would be lovely if there was a perfect diet and a perfect supplement blend for four endometriosis symptoms, and maybe one day we will find one, but I, I wanted it to be more about general principles that can be helpful to encourage people to seek support from people who can guide them through gently, and also reminding that we are all in very, very different situations. In lots of ways. Hmm. So just because it works for one doesn’t mean it will work for another. So that’s the way I wanted to kind of focus it and to bring it in. And maybe one day there will be a much more inclusive, look at nutrition when it comes to endometriosis in, in book form. And I would welcome that.

Like I’m, I’m a person that will try anything, if there’s a chance of it reducing my symptoms, I’m trying it because we all deserve that relief. But yeah, I just didn’t feel like I was best placed to put that forward, if that makes sense. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. No, I appreciate that. And , I respect that because I just, like I said, I always look and I see, okay, well what are they saying about food?

Because in my book, I wrote a lot, a lot about nutrition for endometriosis, and I, the work that I do with my clients is who have endometriosis is of course it’s extremely individualised and I appreciate that point as well because, you know, we, when you see things on social media like, eat this, don’t eat that, or don’t eat meat, eat, you know, eat loads of plants.

It doesn’t take into account bio-individuality, which is basically what you’re saying. We all are different. All of our experience of endometriosis is very different. You know, I have endometriosis myself but my experience is very different to yours and I really, I appreciate that.

Jen Moore: Thank you.

Le’Nise Brothers: I want to talk a little bit now about diagnosis because you know, you talked about your experience of diagnosis and it was a very long path for you. And this is something I see a lot in my practice. It’s, I think I might have endometriosis or it’s not even that it’s there, it’s my periods are really painful.

Yeah. Or. I’m having really painful bowel movements. You know, the myriad of symptoms that you can experience with endometriosis. What do you say to people who come to you and say like, I know there’s something going on. I don’t know if it’s endometriosis, but I know something’s going on. Mm-hmm.

What do you say to them about getting a diagnosis or speaking to a medical professional? 

Jen Moore: It’s a difficult one because chances are when they bring it up to me, it’s not their first time bringing it up. Normally they’ve seen multiple medical professionals and, you know, been turned away or told there’s nothing that can they can do or that it’s normal.

So it is tricky. The first thing I do say is to track their symptoms via whatever method works for you. Whether that’s an app, whether that’s, you know, paper and pen on your phone. Whatever it is, is to track them and just to, you don’t have to do it forever, you know, but just start noticing patterns, noticing if things are you know, getting worse at certain points in a month. Like, you know, just start noticing things and, and get the data, because doctors appreciate data and you start talking their language. The second thing to do is to keep going to a doctor. Keep finding one that will listen. And if you’re finding that you’re seeing the same doctor and they’re just, you’re just hitting a brick wall, ask to see another one.

You know, you’re perfectly within your rights to do that. Keep doing that until somebody listens. You can find out if there’s somebody at your practice with a, a special interest in, in women’s health to call it its broad term. You know, it doesn’t mean they’re an expert, but it means that they might have at least come across these terms and, and these issues before.

So that can be helpful. Another thing I say is if they’re experiencing a lot of gaslighting is, and you know that brick wall is to take someone with them in appointments to. That person can do whatever you want ’em to do. You know, you, you can say, I’d like you to advocate for me vocally. I’d like you to, to sort of challenge the doctor or, or remember to ask these questions because sometimes I forget.

Or they can just sit there quietly and take notes so that you can look back later. Or they can literally just be there for when you are done and you want to go and do something nice afterwards. So there’s lots of things that, that somebody can do. But it does help. I found, and I hate saying this, but I found it’s much more helpful when my husband is in the room and I hate saying it, but it’s true.

And then, so keep going. Tracking your symptoms, taking somebody with you and being really clear with your language in that doctor’s office, saying things like, I have painful periods, which is what I did for 22 years. ’cause that’s what I thought it was. It’s just instantly put into their head period pain.

Whereas now if I go in and say, I’m concerned about my endometriosis symptoms, or, you know, I’m having excruciating pelvic pain that is waking me up at night, stopping me from sleeping and interrupting my life, saying things like that, they’re little alarm bells for a doctor that actually. You know, your life is being interrupted.

You are not getting sleep. That, that’s not right. So being really, really clear with language and if you’re still being refused, I, I say to people, ask them to put it on your notes, say to the doctor. Okay, great. Thank you for listening. Could you just put on my notes that you are refusing to send me for a scan or refusing to refer me for gynecology?

Just see what happens, because not always, but sometimes that’s enough for them to suddenly change their mind. And so yeah, that, that can be helpful. But it’s, it’s such a tricky one. ’cause like I say, a lot of the time people have been doing all of this and they’re still finding those brick walls and it’s, what do you say to that person that’s, that’s just running out of steam to fight for themself.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Jen Moore: And it’s, it’s hard ’cause I’ve been there. I, I’m great at telling people to advocate for themselves, but I sat in a doctor’s office even recently and just been like, oh, okay, great, thanks. And walking, you know, walking out and. It, it is tough. It’s really tough. But yeah, there, there are things you can do and there’s some great advice from GPs in the book as well about how to kind of navigate those, those scenarios.

Which I think can be really helpful. But yeah, it’s, it’s just persistence a lot of the time and it’s such a rubbish answer ’cause it puts all the effort on us, right? It, it is saying that you have to keep fighting, not. You know, to the system or the doctors, you’ve gotta do better. But that is happening behind the scenes.

But until then, we, we just have to keep going. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, I know what you, what you mean. I remember about, you know, just feeling like it’s not the best answer because it puts so much on, on the client, the patient. Like you have to expend even more energy and you are in a flare. You’re dealing with all of this physical and emotional pain and having to advocate your for yourself on top of that, it’s just a lot. And you just, you’re thinking, where am I gonna find the energy to do this? And I remember a few years ago I was on this panel and we were talking about exactly this topic and the doctor was saying, oh, you know, you just have to be, be a diva, be a, you know, be kind of like, you know, like be annoying, be a pest.

And I just thought, you know, I get what you’re saying, but at the same time, doctors just need to listen, you know? Yeah. Like, we shouldn’t have to do that. Doctors should just listen the first time and not dismiss us. Anyway, rant over. 

Jen Moore: No, it’s so true though. But if you went in and you were a diva or whatever version of that, that means to you, you would be labeled as aggressive or difficult or uh, dramatic or hysterical, you know, all of these things and that doesn’t help you either, and you are like, well, the doctor told me that I had to do, and my husband, bless him, has never had to be a diva to access healthcare. He just has a concern. Walks into the GP, tells them the problem, they tell him what to do, or you know what they are going to do, and he walks out.

He doesn’t have to be a diva because they listen and they believe. And it’s silly things like the amount of us who have had to worry about what to wear. Before a doctor’s office or should I do my makeup? Would that make me look too well or should I go without my makeup and look worse object, you know, in, in quotes.

But then will they take me seriously or will they think, I dunno what I’m talking about? Or you know, should I dress nicely and smartly so they think I’m very intelligent and put together? Or will that make them think, oh, you can’t be in that much pain. Look how nicely you addressed. My husband has never had to think of that in his entire life, ever.

He used to think dressing smart was putting on a polo shirt to go to the dentist just so that the dentist would be nicer. That was the level of like, but he has never worried that he would be denied healthcare because of how he’s dressed, and that to me was such an eyeopener. Just, yeah, so you know, God bless that doctor for being be a diva, but all that’s gonna do is get us labeled as as angry, hysterical women.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, I, yeah, and then you kind of add the racial element on top of that. And like if you are like a mixed race or black woman going in and being a little bit more assertive. Aggressive, angry, and it’s rage, rage inducing. Yeah. On that note, what is the one thought that you’d love to leave listeners with today?

Jen Moore: Ooh, just one. I think it would be how individual this disease is and how individual you are. Your life is, and so, you know, sharing our stories is important, but don’t compare our stories because we are not all in the same boat. You know, we’re in the same storm, but we’re all in very different boats. Some of us are in luxury liners and some of us are on little handmade rafts, and some of us have to navigate rapids while other of us have the smoother stretch of sea.

You know, it’s it’s so individualised, so please don’t compare your journey. The only comparison really is, is with yourself. You know, how are you feeling today? What are your symptoms like today? Do you need any extra support today? That’s the comparison we should be encouraging. And yeah, it’s very hard to pick one, but I think have I, if I’d known that maybe I wouldn’t have just, you know, thought I was being weak for so long. So, yeah, I think that can be an important one to, to remember. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you so much, Jen, for sharing your story, for your wisdom, and for all of the amazing campaigning work that you do. 

Jen Moore: Thank you.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 92, Kat Pither: Find Celebration and Joy In Your Body

My next guest on season 10 of Period Story podcast is Kat Pither. Kat is the founder of Yogi Bare, the global yoga brand and movement community and co-founder of Healthy Metal, a magnesium supplement. 

In this episode, Kat shares: 

  • The story of her pregnancy loss through ectopic pregnancy
  • Her initial feeling of relief after losing her period due to disordered eating and substance abuse
  • Her journey in nourishment to get her period back, including stepping away from the rules, styles and labels prevalent in the yoga and wellness worlds 
  • How a wall chart with colourful fun stickers has helped her get back in touch with her menstrual cycle 
  • How a yoga practice with a lot of self-touch, softness and playfulness helps her slow down and reconnect
  • The authenticity behind her yoga brand Yogi Bare
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Kat says that instead of looking outwards, it’s important that we look inwards and find the celebration and joy in our bodies.

Thank you, Kat!

Get in touch with Kat:

Whats Good Kat – IG

Yogi Bare – IG

Healthy Metal – IG


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers:Thank you so much for coming on the show today, Kat. I’m really excited to speak to you. You’re doing so many really interesting things, and we’re going to talk about all of that. But first, let’s talk about the story of your first period. 

Kat Pither: Okay, so when you asked me to revisit this memory, I hadn’t thought about it for years and years and years.

I remember being at school and yeah, it just being this very strange urban legend about who’d started their period and just like mum gate gossip about, oh, somebody’s child started their period very, very early. And I just remember being quite scared that this thing was going to happen and it felt like it was going to change everything.

But also not, it feeling quite taboo to speak about and not knowing how to speak about it or what to say. And then when it arrived, so in my family house my bedroom window was at the front of the house. And like it was a bit, it was like one of those American movies, I was just constantly just hanging out the window, just looking at what was going on, on the street in front of us in the drive.

And, it was nighttime and I just remember this very strange sensation in my stomach and then this really weird sensation and then just being like, I’m bleeding. And at first I didn’t even equate it with the time of the month I thought I was dying. And I was like, I was really ashamed and at the time, only my dad and my brother were in the house.

And, my dad is very much not open to talking about female health. But that has changed now because of something I will get into later. But at the time my dad was just like, you know, this was the, the dad that you wouldn’t tell you had a wobbly tooth ’cause he’d try and pull it out and I was just absolutely terrified.

And then it suddenly dawned on me that this was my period and my mum pulled into the driveway in her car just at that moment, bizarrely. And I remember just hanging out the window. Shouting to the whole street, mum, I’m bleeding. And I was just, my mum still laughs about it and still thinks it’s really funny.

She was like, it was Romeo and Juliet gone wrong. That I just decided to announce that the whole street that I’d started my period. But I think I was a little bit late to the party, not crazy late, that like, you know, it was noticeable but definitely later than a lot of my friends. So I’d obviously not being the first, I think made it a little bit easier being a slight late bloomer because I could then have known other people that had gone through the process a little bit.

And not that your friendship. I don’t know if it’s changed now because, my niece is very, she’s just so cool and she’s got her head so screwed on. But at, I remember friendship in your early teens, it wasn’t like that, you know, you wouldn’t sit and chat about health or like feelings very much. So I don’t, I didn’t get like a massive insight, but obviously I’d know that other people had started their cycle before me, so it didn’t feel quite as scary.

Le’Nise Brothers: How old were you? 

Kat Pither: I think I was 13, 14. So slightly later. I remember there was a few children in school that had started exceptionally early. I’m talking like nine. And so I think that’s where like, yeah, just knowing that there was, had been a few people that started in primary school, but that almost made it scarier and more taboo because the way it was handled, I mean, oh gosh, I’d really love to have a chat with them now to hear, because everybody knew in our local area that, you know, a 9-year-old had started their period because very gossipy mums.

It was very, uh, it was very much, yeah, like a sitcom round where I lived and everybody knew everyone’s business. So yeah, I wonder how that affected them actually thinking about it now, that would’ve been awful to have been so young and so confused and felt quite isolating. But yeah, 13, 14, where most people I know started at in year seven, I want to say.

So that would be like 12. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You were, you were in year nine. Year 10. 

Kat Pither: More year eight, year nine .

Le’Nise Brothers: Okay. You thought that you, you were bleeding like as in something was wrong, so you did, 

Kat Pither: You never see your own blood, the colour of it, and you’re just like, and it, it’s quite a lot.

It’s more than when you get a paper cut or cut your finger or, you know, graze yourself. And I think my only experiences of blood to date had been small cuts. ’cause I’m quite clumsy, so I was used to scratches and cuts, but nothing major. So it’s the most blood you, you ever see. And, and it’s exceptionally bright in colour and it almost doesn’t feel real.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

After your initial experience of your period being quite surprised about it and then having this funny story coming out of it what was your experience of your period like as you went through your teenage years? 

Kat Pither: I feel like I might wanna just say the trigger warning, um, to anybody that is listening that’s maybe struggled with eating issues throughout their life, but I do feel like it’s really important to be honest.

So I unfortunately fell into disordered eating. It was more because I had pretty horrific anxiety and PTSD, um, and I tried to use things like, um, I had a period of substance abuse quite young at 17, and I had like a, a period of struggling with my eating. And I, I, before that I really struggled with quite severe chronic period pains.

I would actually have to go home from school quite a lot because I would get vomiting. Things that I know now weren’t very normal at all. Um, and I would, yeah, I would be very sick, chronic pain and, uh, nausea and sickness. Then when I, um, fell into this really bad spell I was, I lost my period and just completely disconnected from it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know, I don’t think like knowledge was as strong as it is now on health and the importance of a period. I think the rhetoric around it growing up had always been, it was an inconvenience, like the shame around it. Like I remember bleeding onto my school skirt. And, uh, just being so embarrassed or whenever I’d have to go home because of the sickness, I would always say it was because of food poisoning or something, but it was my period and I’d be so, so ashamed.

And I felt there was always a bit of judgment from the school nurse. Like, oh, you just get on with it. Like, you know, it’s just a period like why are you making such a big deal? And, you know, people would say stuff if you bled through. I remember though, reading a beautiful story where a woman had taught her her teenage son, that if you ever do see a girl that’s had like a bleed through into her school uniform, give, just don’t say anything.

Just give her your school jumper so she can tie it around her waist. And I was like, oh my goodness. If I ever have children, that’s the kind of care that I want to teach them and to grow up with because that could just change somebody’s life. But yeah, I remember it being a massive inconvenience, uh, or, or seen as an inconvenience and something to hide, something to be ashamed of.

So when I lost it, I actually was relieved. Uh, which is awful because now I look at that and, you know, I, I’ll get into it in a bit, but I’m not sure what life holds for me in terms of having children and, you know, the horror that you can cause yourself that much damage that your body just stops, like your cycle.

And then to feel relieved about it. It’s so warped now looking back at it. But yeah, I just remember thinking, okay, well, you know, this is a horrific time in my life. At least I don’t have to deal with that as well. And then, I just also then started to feel a lot of shame. So I, I did go to a centre to, um, help recover from my, my eating issues.

And one of the markers of recovery was regaining your period. Now I see that as such a positive, but at the time it turned my period into a very scary thing, being like, I can only go home or be seen as recovered and seen as okay and normal if I regain my period. Now I realise that actually having that stress means that you are not going to gain it back, and having that fear and that pressure.

You know, your period will decide when it’s going to come back, when there’s such a spectrum of elements that need to be okay, including your stress levels. It’s not just a correlation between weight and your cycle. It’s so much deeper than that, and we know that now it’s about, you know, I guess, yeah, the calm and, and the safety that your body feels to think, okay, like you feel safe in your body, in your mind, in your soul, in your spirit.

Like you are allowed to have your cycle back because ultimately one part of having your cycle is to be able to have children and your body wants you to be in a state to be able to carry those children healthily. So, obviously that’s not the entirety of it, but that is one aspect of it. And like when you’re in a high stress situation, your body shuts down a lot of basic functions, which is why you never see spies in movies needing to go to the toilet because the body stops that anything that it sees as like extra, um, because you’re in a survival state.

Um, but yeah, having that pressure, and I’ve actually never said this out loud and I can’t believe I’m about to, but I bought some fake blood from a joke shop and I would pour that into my knickers and pour it on the sheets to say, look, I’m fine. You can let me go home now. Um, because I got, I’m tearing up a bit, but, um, I just wanted to go home and I was doing anything and I hadn’t correlated, I hadn’t correlated the deep health.

I just correlated. Must, you know, the surface level of it, that like weight gain, period, freedom. And of course like, you know, freedom from an eating disorder is so much deeper than getting, being able to leave, leave a centre. It’s the same reason why your period comes back. It’s feeling safe in your body and safe in your mind.

And it, yeah, so it was a real journey. It actually took a lot longer to come back than just leaving a centre. It took about three years to come back. And that was a journey in nourishment. That was a journey in finding what sort of worked for me, lowering my stress and connection. I think during that time, losing my cycle at such a pivotal time in life, I really lost touch with what it means to be a woman and femininity.

And I feel like I lost a period of time where you explore femininity or sensuality or confidence more than anything. And I always felt a little bit disconnected from that, and I do feel like that had a wider effect in the rest of my life, not having, uh, a chance to grow the seeds of confidence led to, you know, some bad relationships.

And, you know, being mistreated, I suppose. It led to serious people pleasing throughout my life, like, because I didn’t have any self-worth and self-esteem. And I would say it’s only now in my mid thirties that I’m realising these things, um, and starting to work on these things. But then, um, so I regained my cycle and then I found yoga and got into yoga.

And my journey into yoga was quite, uh. Unusual. I, I found yoga in rehab, so I’d actually fallen into substance addiction like I think it’s quite common. I had undiagnosed ADHD and was also struggling with anxiety. And at the time I was growing up, people didn’t speak about mental health.

You had, uh, TV shows like Skins that really glorified mental health as this very scary, dark trope. And, um, so I didn’t really know how to express that. I actually had this acute anxiety and I’d had a quite traumatising experience going to a centre. Uh, then I fell into substance abuse. I think ADHD, when it’s undiagnosed and unmanaged, you’re quite prone to struggling with things like eating disorders substance abuse because you’re trying to self-regulate.

And, um, I didn’t realise at the time that’s what I was doing. But. After. Uh, so I found yoga in rehab and it was so soul soothing and I fell in love with it. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, it’s like all the pieces of me suddenly connected and I was whole. But then, um, I came out of rehab and then I started to try to fit in with the yoga scene.

And I, I’m pretty sure we started around the same time. Like, gosh, like 10, 15 years ago. The scene was quite different. And it was very much gymnastic or fantastical and it was all like, yeah, you, you remember? Yeah, before we were, once we had nervous systems. And so it was quite and I’m not like, you know, I’ve can’t, I don’t like going upside down.

I’m not like, come, don’t come from a gymnast background or anything like that at all. But it felt very much like a little bit mean girls like, oh, you can’t sit with us. And at the same time there was also, a heavy lean into veganism. You weren’t vegan or raw vegan or fruitarian. You were causing a lot of, you know, harm.

You weren’t a true yogi. You weren’t allowed to be in the room if you weren’t X, y, z. Now, obviously, like I’ve always like, had a very soft nature and real connection to nature where things come from. Like, um, you know, my mum’s side of the family, they’re all growers and gardeners. So I’ve always grown up around that deep connection to nature and understanding, I guess, our place in all of it.

And I’ve, uh, been quite like conscious of, yeah, like the food cycle and where things come from, including, you know, like our eggs and our meat, but the, yeah, the, the pressure to be like, I can only fit in with this world if I eat a certain way. And I, you know, I, I went all in. I had the dehydrator, I had everything.

And that’s not particularly healthy for somebody who’s had my background and history of eating issues, uh, to apply a new set of rules to yourself. And very quickly, again, I lost my cycle because I wasn’t eating for my body type and my body’s needs. Um, and that, again, absolutely no judgment to anyone that does choose a vegan or raw vegan or, you know, vegetarian lifestyle.

And your, the ethics and reasoning behind it. My personal belief is you can only do like, do true goodness in this world if you are okay. And if you are well and if you are happy, and particularly if somebody’s got a background like me of, of disordered eating, whether that comes from more wanting to look a certain way or this deep, I don’t know how to handle my anxiety, ADHD or emotions and I’m taking it out on myself ’cause I’ve got very little self-esteem.

If you have a background of disordered eating, actually one of the most harmful things you can do is apply a set of rules to yourself. And also if you have caused yourself harm or damage like that, your body needs a hug. It needs extra nourishment more than than anyone. And you need to maybe do things that maybe you eat in ways that you wouldn’t think you normally would because your body needs those extra things, like maybe some bone broth or some collagen or some organ meats.

Or maybe not. But I feel like to apply a set of rules, blanket to everybody isn’t necessarily it. It makes you more out of touch than in touch. And I know I’m probably going to upset a few people by having, having said that but I like, again, no judgment. I think just maybe taking a step away from rules and styles and labels and just having a little sit with yourself and being like, okay, like how do I truly feel about this?

What do I really need? Is there a way that if I need to be eating, you know, eggs and meat, et cetera. How can I be the most ethical I can be about it and still feel connected to some kind of food source or supporting local farmers. And to be honest with you, I know everyone worries about cost on that.

Like it’s actually not that different from the supermarket. But yeah, so I, I lost my cycle for a couple of years again of being quite a strict vegan because I felt like I had to be, ’cause yoga land was telling me that’s how I had to be and I just felt more and more disconnected from myself. And it’s so funny, like now being at the age I am eating in a way that nourishes my body and figuring it out that I actually feel really connected to my body.

So my cycle now is ever so funny. I’ll explain why I have a wall chart. I don’t have any apps or anything. Um, but I will again share quite a personal story that happened in recent years. Actually, no, it feels appropriate like you’ve asked me about my journey. Yeah. So it feels appropriate. Yeah.

Anyway, veganism, yoga land, realising that wasn’t working for me, then went through a very, very, very stressful period in my life. And again, was still disconnected, was still struggling slightly with, uh, substance abuse again, that had snuck back in feeling very overwhelmed. Um, and yeah, in a very, very stressful period.

Then I was just completely disconnected from my cycle, wasn’t tracking it. If it arrived, it arrived. Hello? Hi. How are you doing it? Sometimes I, I, there must have had months where it didn’t arrive. It was very irregular. I just found it. Something, it was like a, something on my list that I knew I needed to get round to looking into that.

Like, you know, when you’re like, oh, I need to call the doctor or the bank or book a dentist appointment. It was always one of those things that I was like, yeah, I should probably get to know my cycle, but I’ll push that to the side. ’cause there was always more to do. Busy stress, push, push, push. And, um, then I, I met and I fell in love with my partner and again, just wasn’t tracking anything, wasn’t keeping an eye on things.

And I just started, I thought what I thought was my period and it was very, very, very painful and it was going on quite a long time. And then it was, um, like spotting, um, and it lasted for weeks and weeks and weeks of this like, sort of. Yeah, just bleed. And I had heard urban legends of people having long base everything on an urban legend.

I had heard, uh, urban legends of like, you know, people sometimes getting long bleeds instead of going to the doctor because I have a little fear of the doctor after my sort of past, which I need to get over. But, um, instead of going to the doctor, I turned to voice notes between friends and was just like, oh yeah, it’s, it could be this, it could be that, like, could be fibroids, it could be.

And I knew I needed to get it checked out. And um, I actually was away for a weekend in Copenhagen with two friends and it was my birthday weekend and I was trying so hard to, hard to hold it all together. In Copenhagen, you, you cycle a lot. So we were on bikes for the entire weekend and, you know, I was having this extended bleed.

I was in so much pain, I was like blasting a smile all over my face. And then as soon as I was like on my own, I’d be like, doubled up in pain. But I didn’t wanna spoil their trip so I just was like, really, I don’t know how I held it together. But then on the Monday I was like, I can’t bear this anymore. I have to get over my fear and go to the doctor.

And I went. I remember it just felt like the longest appointment of my life because the doctor started to look more and more concerned and asked me to go and do a pregnancy test. And I was just so confused. Like it hadn’t even crossed my mind that that was something that could be occurring. And it was funny because he basically, yeah, he sat me down and he was like, you’re having a miscarriage.

And I’m quite sure that’s what you’re having. And you know, no pre-warning, just, and I just went into, you know, when you get news and you just go into that ice cold? Fear panic. I just remember just like my stomach dropping and like, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. ’cause it was just so confusing to me.

And then he was like, he looked at his watch, I remember it is so specifically looked at his watch and he was like, the, um, early pregnancy unit at the hospital is going to close very soon. You need to get over there, book yourself a taxi. And then he was like, I’m going to write up, um, so you can like go to the front of the queue and um, you know, like, you need to get seen today.

Um, because I’m, he was quite worried and he’d rather me be seen by that unit than go to A&E. Um, but then his printer wasn’t working. He was trying to write it down on a sheet of paper and his pen wasn’t working and it was just like a comedy sketch. And I was like. Oh, are you serious? Like, I could see the clock like ticking away and I knew that it was going to take me like half an hour to get over there and, uh, and it was school rush hour time and I was like, oh God.

But I made it there by the skin of my teeth and Yeah. Was diagnosed with a miscarriage and I was told to go home and ride it out, uh, which was, uh, I mean, I, I’ve never been in that situation before, so I didn’t know that maybe that wasn’t quite, uh, quite the way to handle it. And I also didn’t know what ride it out looked like.

Mm-hmm. So I given any, um, advice, so I, I, I went home and the bleeding was just getting heavier and heavier and heavier, and I just assumed that was what a miscarriage was because again, nobody tells you what you should be. Looking out for. And so, yeah, it got worse and worse and over the course of a couple of days, it was getting worse and worse and worse.

Uh, and I was kept going back and they were doing blood tests ’cause they were looking out for a hormone dip or hormone rise, I can’t remember. But they were looking, they were keeping an eye on, on something. But again, just go home, ride it out. Like, and I remember it had been five days by this point and it was Easter Saturday and my partner hadn’t left my side.

Uh, he was like, you know, like a guard dog. Um, and he hadn’t left my side, but I was. I’m not very good at being like, looked after and being asked for help. And so I was like, please go and see your friends. It’s Easter Saturday, like they’re having a party. Like, go and see them. I’ll be fine for a couple of hours.

Don’t worry about me. And when he left, just the bleeding got worse and worse and worse. Like, you know, I went to have a bath and it looked like Jaws and I was like, oh God, this is not good. And he must have had a spidey sense that something wasn’t okay. I don’t really know the next parts that happened, but he found me in a, in a pool of blood.

We got rushed to the hospital and it was a ectopic pregnancy, so that’s where the baby grows on the outside of the tube. And um, so it got misdiagnosed. I’ve, it’s funny because I’m really, I think it’s really important that I share this because I. People I didn’t know. You know, you only know what, you know.

I didn’t even know what an ectopic pregnancy was. I didn’t even know what the word meant. I just feel like it’s such an under spoken about thing, and it’s so isolating. It’s so lonely. You blame yourself, but it’s nobody’s fault. Like it’s, it’s just in the wrong place. And there’s, there’s an absolute heartbreak with that sentence just in the wrong place.

And you know that nothing else is wrong, just in the wrong place, and it will never be what it’s supposed to be. And that’s ever so sad in a way. Uh, so I think it’s really important to. Sort of share the detail on the awareness because if someone else is like if you are, you know, in a position like me where you’re diagnosed with miscarriage, just make sure they check because ruptured ectopic pregnancies are, I’ve since found out, um, super deadly that you can, that a lot of women lose their lives every year.

And why isn’t it spoken about enough? Um, and it was very sad. Like I, I got rushed into surgery immediately and you know, you get no, um, you get no ownership of your body when you’re in an emergency situation. And I woke up and they told me that they’d removed a tube and it was, I don’t think it’s quite hit me, but I remember feeling a massive sense of this loss and grievance for a part of me that I’d never connected with or appreciated.

I just remember being so struck by that. Obviously you get a lot of swirly wordy questions in your head being like, well, what does that mean for future conception? What does that mean? Am I only half a woman because I only have half of like my anatomy um, um, what does the future look like? What does even periods look like?

’cause if you got one tube, like what does this, what does this whole thing mean? And, um, it’s such a weird loss and grievance to have. ’cause you’re also grieving the loss of, you know, but a child that never could be. And you are also then grieving a loss of a tube, which sounds really strange, but that it was so pro, such a profound sadness that I still don’t have the words to vocalise how it feels.

And then it really inspired me to be like, I really got to understand and reconnect with this part of my body. Uh, I’ve really got to learn. Not just for potentially future having children, but just I’ve really abused that side of my body for years through eating disorders, substance abuse, through not caring, dismissing it like it doesn’t have to be as extreme as me.

Just seeing it as a pain in the ass. Mm-hmm. Period. Like, you know, the rhetoric we speak about our period is so negative. Mm. It is. So, oh, I’ve got my period. Oh, it must be my period. Something bad is happening. Oh, it’s my period. My skin is bad, everything’s going wrong. It’s my period. They’re grumpy.

It’s their period like it’s weird when actually it’s a sign of a vital healthy body that should be celebrated. And so now, so stupid. I have a sticker chart. I, I have a sticker chart and I put colorful fun stickers every month. I have a big high five with my partner when it is like, yeah, it’s here. And it’s become more of a celebration and I don’t know if it’s subconscious, psychological, but my periods have become a lot more pleasant.

And I don’t know if that’s because I take a little extra care. Like I don’t do anything extreme. I just like. It’s a lot of self forgiveness, like around the time, you know, no, like, just like, eat what you want. Don’t get mad at your skin when it breaks out. Just be like, you know, just kind of think it’s quite funny when you’re, you know, you’ve got that little period bloat and just be like patting it like you had your Christmas dinner.

But it is just, and just like nourishing it, like I lean quite heavily into Ayurveda because that massively helped me recover from my eating disorder. Understanding Ayurvedic principles and understanding that this is who I am and this is my type, uh, like, uh, my dosha. But when I say my type, I don’t just mean my physical type.

I mean, you know, my whole being type and understanding that there isn’t right, there isn’t wrong. There’s just in and out of balance. And that massively helped me out at that period of my life in recovery. And it’s now something I apply to, um, sort of my period, like nourishing herbs, warming teas that are really applicable.

A lot of like oil massage on the stomach using essential oils like geranium that are really suitable and just making a meal out of it, to be honest with you. Just making it into, you know, when you’re a kid and you used to make like perfumes out of flowers in the garden and like just turning it into like pixie angel fairy vibes now, the same with my period.

Just make an absolute meal out of it. It’s a chance to absolutely be like a princess and. Just, yeah, just do all of the things and not have to explain why I am taking an extra long bath or covered in oil or smell like a garden. It’s just like, this is what I do. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Kat Pither: And I think that level of changing my attitude towards it has not only helped me feel more connected, more, more of a woman than I ever could feel, even though I’m down a tube not literally down a tube.

It’s funny. But, um, yeah, just, I think it, it is, it’s nice. And it’s also like there’s a sense of a little tiny quiet internal pride when I see my tracking on a sticker chart of just like, okay, it’s, I’m getting quite regular from years of turbulence. It like actually feels quite stable. And I think that stability is quietly rippled out into a quiet self knowing and self-confidence.

And, um, yeah, there’s quite, there’s, there’s a lot to be celebrated and I know it’s not like that. I don’t say that in ignorant, so I know it’s not like that for a lot of women. Uh, a lot of women go through such extreme pain and nausea and sickness and headaches and bloating and the whole shebang, but I think just finding a little celebration in, in your body and finding that little connection, or maybe not even celebration, maybe people aren’t there yet, but maybe just that little extra nurture, that little extra care that doesn’t need any explaining.

I think, I think that’s something we should have been taught long time ago.

Le’Nise Brothers: You’ve shared so much there. And firstly, thank you for being so open with your story and. It’s so interesting hearing this kind of this 180 that you’ve gone through from being hugely disconnected and kind of seeking external ways to reconnect with yourself to now being in this place where you’re celebrating your period and you’re celebrating, you know, this knowledge that you have with your body, this reconnection that you’re gaining, and it’s really interesting what you’re saying about this, the yoga and the Ayurveda side of it. Because you know, when you were talking about the veganism and the raw veganism.

I remember when I was doing my training and my, my teacher, he, we would have debates about it because at that time I was like, I had qualified as a nutritionist. So it was very much like, you don’t have to be a vegan or vegetarian to be a yoga teacher, you know, and we would talk about ahimsa and, you know, all of this.

And I just remember thinking like, I just really hope that people don’t take this to heart because it can be quite damaging if you’re eating in a way that doesn’t work for your body. 

Kat Pither: I was, I was just going to say, it’s such a relief to be able to talk to you about it. Like, I feel like you were so progressive and to be able to, it’s very scary to have a point of view and be in a room full of people that are so dogmatic and strict in their worldviews.

And feel so isolated and feel so unable to express and you were so progressive and so ahead of your time. And it’s so funny as well, I feel like the, not just yoga land, but the internet doesn’t necessarily allow us to change our minds. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. 

Kat Pither: And I think that it is okay to change your mind. It is okay.

To everyone should feel safe and comfortable to express if, if they have had a shift and nobody at the same time. On the flip of that, nobody should feel entitled to tell others what to do with their bodies.

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kat Pither: I feel like there can be a coexistence, don’t get me wrong, like there is, the fact that we industrialised animals is pretty vile.

But there are so many great voices in the industry who really like, are sharing more about regenerative farming and where to source the products and, you know, and it doesn’t have to be much meat. I’m not talking about like meat at every single meal or just. Just en just enough if that’s what, if that’s what your body calls for.

And I feel like that’s the thing, you know, our microbiome is like a fingerprint. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kat Pither: Everybody’s is so unique and so different, and what works for some people just doesn’t work for others. But the, the fact that you take this beautiful thing like yoga, which can give you so much freedom, which I found, you know, in, in the, in rehab, I found this sense of joy and freedom.

And then suddenly when you get deeper into it, there’s all these rules and there’s this judgment and there’s this pushing of, if you can’t do this pose, you’re not allowed to carry on with the sequence. You have to tap out of the class or the, you have to be able to do x, y, z and if you can’t do a headstand, then you’re not truly focused.

And it’s like, well actually I really don’t. I’m quite a disoriented person. I’ve got dyspraxia and I, uh, I really don’t love being up upside down. It makes me feel very like ungrounded. And that’s not to do with like not having focus, you know, I can meditate, uh, quite happily, you know, I can, I can do a lot of different things to find that focus, but upside down life isn’t for me.

And that must have been, ’cause I know you’ve been teaching yoga for a long time and that must have been quite, quite lonely to be a voice in a room having trained and spent, you know, a couple of years of your life, like learning about the science of nutrition and the discipline or like around that. And then to walk into a space and have someone tell you that it’s lentils or nothing, it is just like, that must have been so lonely for you. 

Le’Nise Brothers: To be fair, I, when I did my training, I, my yoga teacher training, I was with a lot of South Americans and they were very much like, you just do your own thing. Even though the teacher, our teacher was very like coming from one place, they had this energy and I naturally gravitated towards them.

And I already had, you know, at that time I was in, in my thirties and I was very much of like, I know myself, I know my body and I know how I want to teach. And for me it’s, I’ve never really talked about this out loud, but , my body is my body and I. I think it’s like almost like a, being a teacher and looking the way I do, I think it’s really important for representation.

You know, like I have a very muscular body. I am not what you call, like, you know, you kind of see on Instagram, like these blonde stick thin and you know, Yogi doing, who are doing inversions. That’s never going to be me. Like, I don’t like inversions either. I can do them, but I like 

Kat Pither: Cozy club. Let’s just have a cozy club and have a line down and just, 

Le’Nise Brothers: yeah.

And um, but I really love when people come to me after class and they say, you know, like, I love coming to your class, seeing someone. Who looks like you and the vibe that you have in your classes. And I think that’s really important because yoga isn’t a monolith, it’s, it’s, you know, of course we have these principles that we need to follow.

But you know, you need to make them your own. And this is why yoga isn’t just Asana. And I would love to ask you more about your personal yoga practice and what parts of yoga do you lean on during, during tough times?

Kat Pither: So I just, oh gosh. Everything you’ve said, it just, it just hits, it really, really just hits.

I, I hate the way. That the internet has changed. Seeing, I mean, yoga was a practice designed for men, only men were allowed to do yoga originally. And you know, if you look at a lot of the, the poses and the anatomy, it was all designed for a teenage boys’ body. And yet we are constantly trying, the world tries to funnel us into labels, into shapes, into ideas.

And, you know, like a, I’ve got a gorgeous friend, Lucy Bishop, who’s a real advocate for moving in a bigger body, and she’s probably one of the strongest people I know. She’s super flexible. Does the splits, does acro and then you can get Yeah, like someone who’s of a smaller frame and you know. Like doing yoga in a g-string on a beach, but they, they might not have that body awareness or ability or they come from a background of maybe gymnasts and dance.

And again, no judgment. I think it’s amazing that you were able to move from such a young age, but some people, you know, never went to a gymnast class, but they maybe are missing that bridge. They just pop into the, the handstand. ’cause they’ve always, that’s, that’s like walking to them and it’s like, but where’s the pop?

And for somebody like me who spent probably most of my life with quite low self-esteem, never was never sporty, was never really that connected to my body and went quite an extreme way of disconnecting from my body. Dissociation and, you know, my, my eating issues, a lot of it relates from yeah, having undiagnosed ADHD where you were tend to dissociate and are quite disconnected anyway, especially if you don’t know you have it and you don’t really understand how to fit into a world that wants to box you up.

And, and from PTSD, uh, which meant that I just shut down and dissociated from my body. And when no one teaches you any skills that are right there for us. I mean, personally, I was having a conversation with somebody yesterday. I feel like what I do and what I teach probably needs a name that’s different from yoga.

Like, I feel like there’s space for a new word or a new label because I, you know. I’ve studied Ayurveda. I have a lot of friends that are like, uh, lineage teachers. I’ve spent time studying in different countries. I’m, I love learning from different disciplines, different cultures, different lineages, and weaving it all together.

But what I found and what I do, it’s hard because I don’t even think I’d call it yoga. I think I just. We live in a world that’s so wired, so on, it’s getting worse and worse and worse. With AI, it is just on overdrive. And I think what I do is just tend to my nervous system in ways that I know how to, my personal practice is so subtle and so slow, and it also can be found anywhere.

It can be found in other disciplines, but I suppose if I was to do what, you know, under the guise of yoga a practice, it would just, it’s a lot of self touch in, it’s a hand on heart, hand on different parts of the body. Just to remind you that you are here, a lot of play, a lot of playfulness, a lot of shapes that have no name, a lot of release, and a lot of softness.

I feel like I quite like to be slow and low to the ground because I feel like we live so much of our life up in our heads, up moving, pushing. And I really like that feeling of feeling really connected with different parts, even if it’s just your clavicle chest touching the floor, like a, you know, an upside down like pose where you’re lying on the, just feeling connected and having space and time and a moment for that.

And it is funny how the things you are seeking and become torturous. So if you are like really pushing, like I’ve gotta get the splits, I’ve gotta get the split, it becomes a different kind of practice. It becomes something that’s quite push, push, push, goal oriented. And that can lead to a lot of poor self-esteem and actually a lot of tightening up and a lot of, um, tightening up of the body.

’cause the body doesn’t feel safe tightening up of the nervous system, holding your breath. But actually, like, when I did find my splits and the funny thing about poses is that they’re already there in your body for a brief moment. And, and then they might go because stress might come into your life.

And I think all poses are fleeting. You know, you go through different stages in your body and, and you know, you might have children or you might be going through high stress or you might get really into running and different points of your body like will tighten up. But I think when I had the fleeting love affair with splits, that only came because my nervous system was really chill and I was actually doing yin I was doing like pliability and yin and it came through that. It didn’t come through pushing and doing flexibility training. And I was quite surprised. I suddenly found myself in the splits and I was like, oh. But it’s because there was no tension in my body. And it is funny. I think there’s, yeah, like I say, there’s definitely space for something new.

And it’s funny also backtracking a moment to what you said, how when you did your training, you were in your thirties and you knew yourself. And I think that is so beautiful. I think working in this industry for over, over a decade, having Yogi Bare, sorry for over, for nearly a decade and working in, in the space not just as a teacher.

I see a lot of people like getting into training because they like the idea of becoming a yoga teacher and that’s beautiful and they want to deepen their practice and that’s beautiful. But a lot of people are quite young and in their early twenties and might be quite impressionable to maybe ideas like we spoke about that are quite, uh, dogmatic.

And I also think that training to be a teacher is something that should be taken with great care. I feel like now it is almost treated like a holiday. Like, oh, I’ll go for two weeks and I come back and I’m a yoga teacher. And there’s not much support unless you pay extortion amounts of money to do more and more trainings, which actually can confuse your mind a wee bit because everybody’s got a different, every school’s got a different thought system and you have to be quite selective that you know, what you wanna sort of spend your time on and specialise in, or what your message is and what you’re trying to say and who you want to nourish.

And then, you know, sort of do trainings where you can gain ideas and insights to bolster what you know, rather than just doing training after training. Uh, but I feel like there’s, I mean, it’s very unregulated. Uh, I don’t, yeah, I know. Super unregulated the yoga industry training to be a teacher, and I think there’s an abrogation of responsibility.

A lot of people that come to you, like many of us who come to yoga, are quite vulnerable. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Hmm. 

Kat Pither: Uh, maybe we know it, maybe we don’t know it. And that can be physically vulnerable. Like, you know, your doctor said, oh, you, you need to do some yoga because you are highly stressed, or your heart has a lot of pressure on it.

Or, you know, you are, you’ve got injuries coming out, left, right, centre, your back, whatnot. And I think that, or they can be emotionally vulnerable and tender, mentally vulnerable and. I think that, yeah, a lot of, a lot of teachers just, it doesn’t feel like it’s embodied. The training. It feels like just going through the motions, you know, quote, spouting a couple of Rumi quotes and, uh, Bob’s, your uncle got a playlist that will few tear jerks on it, that’ll do it.

And it’s just not like, I think that the trainings should be longer, they should be regulated. There should be like a real, like, there should be also more exams to be able to pass. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Mm-hmm. 

Kat Pither: Um, if you look at Pilates, like, obviously Pilates unfortunately is going through similar to Reregulation because of reformer being so popular.

All of a sudden, studios are seeing it as a big money maker. People are going on like a weekend reformer training coming back as a reformer teacher, whereas there’s so. It’s very interesting. Pilates was actually designed by Joseph Pilates, who’s a boxer. But um, and then went into the war as a medic, which is why the reformer beds look the way they do.

’cause he actually got, um, dishonourably discharged from the war because he used to take apart the beds and make his own rehab machines. Uh, and that’s why reformers look all full of the springs and like, like they do, which I just find endlessly fascinating. But his methodology and classical Pilates, it’s like training to be a ballerina.

It’s years and years and years of study and you know, you have to do classical before you can then go into reformer, before you can then go into some of the other sort of props that they have. And it’s something I would love to do at some stage in my life because it is so anatomy focused. But I know that I’d have to carve out a couple of years to do it and do it justice. And it’s so funny, it’s like, why isn’t it the same with yoga? Why, why can we just train so quickly and then be so responsible for people and their bodies and their minds? And yeah, I, it’s such an interesting one, but I know didn’t even answer the question I ask. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: I, I think what you’re saying is so interesting because when I think about when I’m teaching, whether it’s yin, whether it’s vinyasa, whether it’s prenatal, I really think about my responsibility in holding the space. Mm-hmm. And that’s a kind of emotional responsibility, but it’s also a physical responsibility because you see people from beginners coming into dynamic Vinyasa classes and you think you really shouldn’t be in this class. But I never say leave. I always say, you know, be really aware.

I’ll give lots of verbal instructions, I’ll demonstrate as much as I can, but be aware of your body. And even things like breathing and the pranayama and like taking people in and out of Shavasana. I really. I really like consider that like a really great responsibility because people are trusting you.

They’re trusting you physically, like with their eyes closed and you’re holding that space for them, but they’re trusting you with their bodies, that you are trained enough and you have enough experience not to, not to, for them not to get injured. 

Kat Pither: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And you know, thinking about the work that you do and Well, I wanna just come back to what you said earlier because you talked a lot about.

Having low self-esteem, and perhaps you might say this isn’t connected, but you have two businesses, two successful businesses, and so on the surface, and like I know this is just outside looking in, I would never think, oh my gosh, like this is a lady who has low self-esteem. So when you said that, I was very surprised.

But you have two successful businesses. You have a yoga mat business, Yogi Bare and you now also have a magnesium business, Healthy Metal. So can we just briefly talk a little bit about those because I just, I want to be able to talk about this. We ha we don’t have much time left, but I do want to touch on it. 

Kat Pither: It’s so funny, like, uh, yeah, I, I do have very low self-esteem and low confidence and it’s, it is interesting because. I guess I only see the behind the scenes. I only see the chaos. I mean, Healthy Metal’s slightly different because I have, uh, lovely co-founders in that. So I’m not, I’m not flying solo, but Yogi Bare’s been my, um, baby for a very, very long time.

Um, it’s coming up like over eight years. It’s a real journey. Um, I will be starting to share more of the journey and I think it will probably, um, enlighten a little bit about confidence. It’s, uh, it’s been a really interesting journey. Yeah, really interesting journey. I, I let some people into the business that I shouldn’t have let in that, um, really eroded and erased my confidence.

And I realise now that that was intentional because they, they wanted to take the business. But thing with Yogi Barry is that I’ve blessing and a curse. My heart is embedded in Yogi Bare. There’s a piece of me in the business. And when you put your heart out there so freely and so openly, and it’s there for the taking it’s quite a vulnerable place to be in.

I never want to let anyone down it, to me it’s more than, um, it’s more than the product. It’s, it’s a feeling and a feeling has to be authentic. I think that’s what maybe in my eyes separates us from maybe other yoga equipment brands is because there. Yeah, there, there’s a, there’s a soul in there. It’s not about the products.

Like, yeah, the products are great, the products are really good, but, um, it’s not, it’s not about that. Like, it is anyone can make a product. It’s not hard. But I think I started this brand because I felt so uncomfortable in the yoga space. Like I didn’t belong. And I was like, there was two points of disconnection.

There was, why are we practicing on giant pieces of plastic that are really unethical? And then the other point of disconnection was, why do all brands make me feel awful? Why do all brands use other people’s, you know, prey into our self-esteem and self value and self-worth and dangle the carrot of, well, if you just buy this, you might be a little bit better.

You might deserve to be here or belong here, or you might look a certain way and it never works. I mean. There’s always the new, new product, the next thing they launch. And that’ll get you a little bit closer, but it never does. It actually gets you 10 steps backwards. And yeah, you’re there. Like, like I was saying, my, my heart’s on the line, like some people know the story.

Some people don’t know the story. Some people don’t realise there’s a, you know, a just a person behind the brand. Um, some people assume it’s a lot bigger than it is. And I, you know, I read every comment, I read every message that comes into our customer service. You’re pretty much, I’d say about 99% of the touch points you’re getting me.

And I’m involved in every single step of the way. And it, it hurts to see when somebody’s disappointed, um, because I see the community as like, you know, family or friends. And if somebody’s order’s delayed or something’s gone a bit awry, like it breaks my heart and I care that much that I want to, you know, make them happy and figure out how I can, uh, can solve it.

But of course, being that exposed, you absorb everything like a wee little sponge and the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I think also with ADHD, you tend to maybe not be very boundaried. Uh, I, I still really struggle with, with boundaries. I want to help everybody and I want to be there for everybody.

Uh, and I realise I’ve been pouring from an empty cup for the past years, and it’s, it’s okay to say that I started to, uh, use Yogi Bare almost like my, my notes app on my phone. Probably like many people’s is just full of, like thoughts that I’m having constantly throughout the day and just writing little nuggets down.

I’ve started to share those on Yogi Bare, and it’s like very much the opposite to what you’re seeing in the sexy yoga industry and all the yoga brands with the athletic wear and all of the campaigns that are all shiny and sprayed on sweat. And then there’s me just going like, yeah, I’m just really wobbly today, is anybody else?

And, but I think that’s what makes it real. And I, I’m finding it so fun to finally get my voice back. I, you know, I don’t, I tried to maybe like be a bit more polished. I’m not polished, and I felt inauthentic and clunky trying to be polished. So I’m just bringing it back to a little bit more, more scrappiness.

And as I find my voice, the right people will find us and just refind my confidence. There’s nothing worse than an inauthentic to feel like you’ve lost your voice. You’re not able to express yourself. And I think that really took away a lot of self esteem. And I think just leaning into the fact that no matter what happens with Yogi Bare, even though we’ve been for a lot of like tough times and vulnerabilities and there’s a lot of competitors, like no one can do it like Yogi Bare because there’s real people behind it.

Not just my voice, but when we share other people’s voices and share other people’s stories, like that’s real. You can’t fake that. And I think I’m beginning to realise how important that is, and it’s helping me find my feet again.

Le’Nise Brothers: I love that. I love that authenticity and that kind of just being really true to yourself.

And I definitely feel that when I read your posts and I see what you post on Yogi Bare, I just, I feel that, and I think that’s what people crave. They crave authenticity. Especially now when you see people using AI and you’re not sure is this real, is this not? And when you see people like just being true and, you know, when they use, like, that’s why I love TikTok so much is because you see, of course there’s issues with it, but people just speaking into the camera and just, you know, being real.

I, I love that. So what is the one thought that you want to leave people with today? 

Kat Pither: I think, I think instead of looking outwards. Like getting to know inwards. I think just finding celebration and joy in your body. I know the world is probably going to tell you all the things that are, is wrong with your body.

And if you’re like me, I struggle with, um, like saying I’m really proud of that because I confuse like, feeling proud with arrogance and it’s actually not arrogant to enjoy aspects of yourself, to love yourself. And maybe that’s just starting small. Maybe that’s just putting moisturiser or oil on your skin and just like learning to feel, oh yeah, this, my, my arm’s really soft and isn’t that nice.

And learning to not be afraid to. Hold your hand on your heart and just be like, oh, this is cool. This is what my heartbeat feels like. And just those little subtle things rather than the world that’s going to tell you, get a six pack, do this, push harder, you got to be able to do this, drink your matcha lattes, blah, blah, blah.

It’s just like, it is all, that’s not going to be absorbed in if you’re not doing those little subtle things. And just like, we only get one shot at this and it’s not, I’ve wasted a lot of time, a lot of money, a lot of energy, and we only get one chance to be here. And also just remembering that we can just turn our phones off, listen to anyone else, and yeah, just, just to really just enjoy the experience of living in a body. And as you do so, there’ll be a bit of softness and a bit of kindness comes, and you might find the things that you’re seeking will even not matter anymore, or just happen as a byproduct of you feeling safe and crazy and calm in yourself.

So, yeah. What about you? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, I mean, there’s there’s so much wisdom in what you’ve shared, and I think that people should, if you’re not following Kat already, you should definitely do so. Where can people get in touch with you? 

Kat Pither: Well, like I say, Yogi Bare, when I love it when people like write little comments and like see if what captions are resonating, if people are feeling wobbly or what they want me to talk about, like introversion or whatnot.

Um, and like all, all of that, like I’ve never, you know, that account’s never been wrong by anyone other than me. So I see every dm, every tag, every comment. Um, and then also my personal is on the Yogi Bare bio What’s Good Kat? And, uh, I share a lot more like little diary notes. I write a lot of poetry and do a lot of spoken words, so if you like creative stuff and silly stuff, then that one’s a little bit more silly.

It’s not very yoga-y. So if people are like expecting a super duper yogi stuff because of Yogi Bare, it is more, that’s more like soft girl central. 

Le’Nise Brothers: No, but , it’s real, it’s authentic. And whenever you, I see your stories or your posts pop up. I, it’s what’s good Kat? And I think, yeah. What’s good Kat?

Kat Pither: I don’t know why it’s that. I think it’s because when I, I was using Yogi Bare and then I was like, oh, I just want a place to express myself. Like I’m not just Yogi Bare. I want somewhere where I can like, share a bit more of me. And that I immediately like did my, you know, at name as oh, Yogi Bare Kat.

And I was like, still Yogi Bare Kat. Because like sometimes when you call someone you’re like, oh, it’s Yogi Bare Kat, how are you doing? And I’m just like, no. And then I was like, I wanna use this as a little place to be like, what’s good? Like, what’s good in music? I saw this band. What’s, what’s good? What are you reading?

Like. Yeah, so that’s what I have no idea why it is that, and now it’s stuck and it’s too late to change it. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. No, but I think it, it works. It’s really cool. 

Kat Pither: Oh yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. Thank you for sharing your story. I think, you know, any time anyone opens up about something that is so personal it, it helps other people share and it plants the seeds that it’s okay to talk about these things.

So thank you so much. 

Kat Pither: I hope so. I hope so. I just, I think my mission on the planet is just to make people feel safe. I feel like I, I’m going to go through all the, uh, like the guinea pig for life and then share and report back and be like, don’t make the same mistakes as Kat.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 91, Melissa Hemsley: Ask For Help When You Need It

My guest on today’s episode is Melissa Hemsley, a former private chef turned best-selling author, including her most recent book Real Healthy – Unprocess Your Diet With Easy Everyday Recipes. 

In this episode, Melissa shares: 

  • Her fertility journey
  • What she’s doing to prepare for her next embryo transfer, including how she’s nourishing herself
  • The wise words her dear friend Emma Cannon, the renowned fertility acupuncturist, shared with her 
  • Why she’s gone back to school to study nutritional therapy and what she wants to afterwards
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Melissa says that it’s so important to find lovely people in your life that you can speak to, not be afraid to lean on and ask for help when you need it. 

Thank you, Melissa!

Get in touch with Melissa:

Instagram

Substack


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you so much for coming onto the show, Melissa. I’m really excited to speak to you, but let’s start by getting into the first question I always ask, which is tell us the story of your very first period.

Melissa Hemsley: I’m very happy to be here. Thank you. And I got my first period the day after my 11th birthday, so a memorable date. And so we’re talking 19, I can’t do the math. I was born 85, so we’re talking 2001, is that right? Oh my gosh. Okay. No, I have an AS level math, whatever. It was my birthday and I had gone through. The height, puberty, you know, characteristics early.

Melissa Hemsley: I was the tallest one in my class. I was actually about this tall as I’m now age 39, 5″9 as I was then. So I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise to some, but I think back then it was really young the day after 11th birthday. And that’s my little, my little girl just on the chat. I hope no one minds.

Melissa Hemsley: And yeah, it was, it was quite shocking at the time and I didn’t have any other of my little friends who were going through it. So I remember thinking, well, I had my big sister and I had my mum and my parent. My family had never been one to talk bodily fluids or, you know, I couldn’t tell my mum about pubic hair.

Melissa Hemsley: It’ll be interesting to see now she’s a grandma. She seems so much more open and different, but yeah, I remember it being a very. Exciting thing. And you know, I remember my, my breast tissue changing and just being, you know, I remember I grew up in a very Catholic house and I remember praying to God to take it away.

Le’Nise Brothers: Wow. Yeah. 

Melissa Hemsley: I was like, take away my boobs, take away the blood. I, I, maybe I didn’t feel ready. It just, for me it was more about the difference. And I have a feeling that others in my class didn’t catch up with me for a, for a whole load of time. 

Le’Nise Brothers: You were praying for it to be taken away. And you said it was about the difference.

Le’Nise Brothers: was that just because you wanted it to be similar to everyone else? Yeah. Or was there any shame in that as well? 

Melissa Hemsley: I think I wanted it to be different.

Melissa Hemsley: Well, I already was quite different because I was, I looked different. My mum is from the Philippines, and my dad is English, and I happened to be at a school at that time with a lot of very small blonde white girls. Like really? I, I feel like I had a lot of small white girls as, as my close friends. There weren’t many other in the group, in the, in the thing, you know, I was very much the, the, the brown girl, which, you know, I’m only, I’m only half, but I was very much the brown girl and so I think I already felt different.

Melissa Hemsley: In many ways. I was also I, I remember feeling really un not itchy, but I remember feeling not right in my skin for a long time growing up, so I think all of that and the period just added more to, and I just, yeah. I, you know, with my little girl in my lap now, who, you know, will, will probably, you know, be absorbing some of this great chat. Age two. I, I hadn’t thought much about it till you and I started chatting on email and getting a date today.

Melissa Hemsley: I’m excited for her to understand her period and her cycle, and sometimes thinking about it now, I feel, oh my gosh. I mean, I don’t want to, I don’t want to add this to a list of things that I’m annoyed at my mum at. She did her best. She was also, you know, an immigrant bringing up two girls in another country, in another continent with all of her Filipino family away from her.

Melissa Hemsley: And also she brought us up in an army household. So it was like an another culture on top of another culture because the army has its own weird ways, just like every other family. But I, I wish she had told me a bit more about it.

Melissa Hemsley: It, and you’re probably going to talk to me more about it because I know how your amazing chats with your guests can go or not go, or surprises. But when I kind of think about my period now, I get a bit annoyed that I was so ill-equipped for many years, many, many, many, many years. 

Le’Nise Brothers: say a little bit more about what you mean by ill-equipped and why.

Melissa Hemsley: Ill-equipped? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Why that? Yeah. That lasted for so long that, that sense of not knowing, 

Melissa Hemsley: well, you know, obviously at some point it’s my responsibility. You know, when I, when I, I don’t know, it’s not about turning age 18 and suddenly you’re expected to have your shit together. But as a 39-year-old woman, you know, with my baby here who is from a frozen embryo and I have, I’m lucky to have other frozen embryos in the freezer and, and fingers crossed that will be, I think I actually just have my last period because.

Melissa Hemsley: I’m about to get ready for my next transfer. So it was quite a bittersweet end to my last period. And I really enjoyed having my period because I don’t know if anyone listening has had a lot of IVF, you go through a lot of time not having a period. And so when my period when I was free bleeding for about three months, I was like, wow, I haven’t had a period that’s not been hormonally controlled by my gynaecologist for about five years.

Melissa Hemsley: Anyway, I got distracted. I think it took me until I was working out my fertility plan as to how I could have my first child successfully because I was losing my pregnancies at like 7, 8, 9 weeks.

Melissa Hemsley: Period. And so that’s, that’s age 34, let’s say. And it wasn’t until probably age 32, 33 that I really realized that my extended periods about 42 to 45 days were above the normal-ish length. And, and just something to keep an eye on and maybe something to be aware of. So I feel ill-equipped. And I also feel, I feel like I know, well, you know this, like I’m doing my first year of exams at the College of Naturopathic Medicine.

Melissa Hemsley: I actually just got my results. 75%. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yay. Yay, yay. 

Melissa Hemsley: And I could have bet you a million bucks that I failed them because I had an almost panic attack. But that’s a story for another time. I need some, some tips from you on how to keep, keep up, keep it cool during the stress of an exam. But, um. You know, I, I feel like through my work, I’ve always been interested in nourishment.

Melissa Hemsley: I’ve always been I, I feel like I know more about my thyroid than I know about my uterus then anyway. Now I know more. Yeah. But I feel like it was easier for me to access information about my thyroid. Or maybe it was me, maybe, maybe somehow I just said, oh, this is just what periods are. Periods are confusing.

Melissa Hemsley: Periods are unpredictable. My period is what it’s but I remember at age about 14, I got, I was on the contraceptive pill because I had such heavy periods dysmenorrhea but my  mum who really wouldn’t let not Iet   me go to school unless I was in a horrific accident is like you are going to school because she had no childcare option. But I remember she, a couple of times she had to sign me off and I remember her writing dysmenorrhea and I even then remember thinking, mum, why are you so weird? Why can’t you just say she’s got a heavy period? What the hell does dysmenorrhea mean?

Melissa Hemsley: Anyway, so I got put on the contraceptive pill really early for that and I also feel a bit cross about that and I actually brought it up to my mum the other day and she said, no you didn’t. And I was like, mum, I did. It was age 14, I got put on it. You know, we have, we all have different me. Yeah, we all have different memories 

Le’Nise Brothers: But still from being on the pill at age 14 and. Also coming from a Catholic background. Yeah. Was there tension in that decision? 

Melissa Hemsley: No, it was, it, it it, there was no conversation about the contraceptive pill being like, it was just like, you’re going on this pill for your periods. It didn’t, it didn’t  occur to me, it didn’t  occur to my mum. Like there was no conversation had about that.

Melissa Hemsley: And yeah, it didn’t make me want to start having sex earlier. I mean, to be honest, I was just terrified of sex for so long. Like a lot of us, I guess thinking I’m going to have sex once and get pregnant. But I remember going on it and you know, again, we’re talking a million years ago. I’m a kid. Maybe other options were discussed, but my gut instinct says that was it.

Melissa Hemsley: I was just put on the pill as a way of, you know, the GP doing their best to help me not have such painful periods and miss school. That was just what happened. I think I had a few Forehead spots as well. But nothing, nothing like looking back now, I just wouldn’t have, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I would be finding alternatives for my child, I really feel.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. So how long were you on the pill? 

Melissa Hemsley: So then fast forward to about age 24, I read somewhere about being aware of not being on the pill for 10 years. And I remember thinking, oh, well I’m 24 and I was in a serious relationship at the time and I was like, I don’t want to be on the pill. Um, what if it affects my future, chances of having a child.

Melissa Hemsley: So I came off it. And  to be honest, my periods have never been age  twenty four  to say Early thirties when I really started trying to work out what was going on because I was struggling with my fertility. They weren’t, they weren’t particularly heavy. I can’t say I looked forward to them. It took a long, a number of years before I looked forward to them. I really looked forward to my first period after my, I finished breastfeeding, and as I just said, like I, I felt, I felt tender saying goodbye to the period again.

Melissa Hemsley: And it’s funny because this last period didn’t come three weeks longer than I thought, and I’ve, I’ve really had a really rough three weeks for it. I’ve been saying, I was saying to my boyfriend, I just, my period, I just want my period to come. And we were laughing and giggling going, you know, the number of times I’ve dreaded it because it meant I wasn’t pregnant.

Melissa Hemsley: And I went to see my acupuncturist, who I, I have probably  been to acupuncture Three times a  month for the last six years with various people. I lived in East London  for a time, loveliest super affordable acupuncture, and now I live in  North London and I have found a lovely  lady here and I walked in and I just went, I just want my period. Please. Anyway, um, normally I lie on my back and she needles me. And it’s funny because I said to her, I really feel like I want to be on my front. I don’t know what it is.

Melissa Hemsley: I really want to be like feeling as cozy as possible. And I find the summer months though I know loads of people long for them. I actually love like womb, like dark rooms. I get depressive feelings if I’m in them too long. Summer and I had a bath last night. And yes, we had a bath last night, did we? And um, it was seven o’clock and it was bright outside. And everyone else I knew from the FOMO of Instagram was out like drinking  in the park, and I was like, I just want it to be dark outside so I light my candle and have my bath.

Melissa Hemsley: So I, I, I feel like I need darkness to unwind. And now I’m really, when my period’s coming, I really go into myself. Like I treat myself so well. And I was again, trying to explain to my boyfriend the other day about how when I was pregnant with Summer and other times I’ve been pregnant before, I’ve lost, I’ve never looked after myself so well, and now I also feel with my period that whenever it’s my period coming, I mean just in general, in, within a month. Within a month, I try as much as possible to honour my body. And so in a way, now, I, I’m definitely no menstrual expert, but I, I feel like it just, I’m just kinder to myself. I’m like, oh, okay. I’m feeling edgy, I’m feeling tense. I’m, I’m struggling to sleep. I didn’t sleep well. I was hotter last night. I could feel it. Okay. I’m going to just make sure I take a little bit of extra time to, and open a window and make sure my sheets are just right and let my toes peek out because I know that that’s going to really help me.

Melissa Hemsley: And I’m going to maybe avoid that crime thriller tonight because I definitely don’t need to go to bed for those kind of vibes. I like watching you nodding. Does that feel right? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, it, yeah, it feels totally right. And I love that there’s just tuning in to what you need. Because so, often we just kind of get told to push it away, don’t worry. You know what, you experience the pain and the heavy beating is normal, you know, just push it away and have this kind of external focus and being able to tune in is so helpful. But what I think is so interesting is what you said about looking forward and really noticing your periods now, and being able to be really aware of that time in your cycle versus when you first got them.

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s kind of this pushing away and I don’t want this, I, I wanted to kind of pray. Pray. You said pray you wanted to pray it away. 

Melissa Hemsley: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: It’s just such a fascinating shift and I definitely noticed that like I’m deep into perimenopause. 

Melissa Hemsley: Mm-hmm. 

Le’Nise Brothers: And I just thought of okay, soon it is going to be my last period.

Le’Nise Brothers: And even though my periods aren’t the best, it’s like, okay, I actually need to sit with this a little bit and really honour this call from my body to slow down a little bit and really enjoy ovulation when it does happen. I wanted to ask you a little bit more about your fertility journey. Mm-hmm. Some of the things that you’ve learned, because I think it’s so powerful when you hear people who are in like this public space talking about fertility and miscarriages and being really open because these conversations have been shrouded in secrecy for such a long time.

Le’Nise Brothers: So would you be able to share some of the thoughts that you’ve had and what you’ve learned? 

Melissa Hemsley: I’d love to. 

Melissa Hemsley: I don’t know when this is coming out, but I’ll be doing my next transfer in the summer. I had one transfer in November that didn’t work. I was about to say the word failed transfer, and I’m really trying to be mindful of my language because that word is loaded.

Melissa Hemsley: So, you know, it it, it didn’t work out. And I, it’s funny thinking of I love what you just said about listening to the call of your body because I was convinced I was pregnant when you, when you transfer a five day old frozen embryo, so they defrost it and the embryo is frozen at day five. Just to recap, in case people aren’t as familiar, because I certainly wasn’t, I knew nothing before I got into it and I had to learn a lot.

Melissa Hemsley: And there’s still tons, I don’t know. But for me anyway, there’s lot of different ways to do IVF but for me, we collected eggs and then they matched them with my partner’ s sperm. And I remember when I came out my egg collection and I was out of it on drugs, they said to me, do you want to do ICSI?

Melissa Hemsley: And I was like, huh. I was like, what does that mean? And I remember my boyfriend just going, what? You’re in charge of all of this? Like, and I was just like, I’m, I’m outta it. I don’t know what’s going on. And they said, you got 20 eggs, which was unbelievably great. I, I, again, I’ve got a tendency to think the worst.

Melissa Hemsley: And also, so long story short, just a few days before that, again using the word failed, my gynaecologist had said we might have to abort this cycle because they give you so many drugs. And one, some of my follicles were ginormous. And the rest were tiny and they want them to be, don’t quote me about 8, 9, 10, numbers like that.

Melissa Hemsley: And I had one that was  24 and some that were 2 I, and so they said, look, your, your big ones are basically sucking up all the drugs and to put you through an egg collection and to put you under, we need to have good odds and we just don’t think you do. So do you want to leave at another night? And by this point I’d had about 21 days of drugs and all of the stress and multiple scans.

Melissa Hemsley: And I remember speaking to someone I knew who had had successful embryo transfer and she said, anything can happen overnight. And I was like, yes, you’re a positive person, but I don’t think these tiny little follicles are going to all of a sudden get juicy and big overnight. And guess what they did?

Melissa Hemsley: I just couldn’t believe it. So then when they turned to me and said, do you want to  do ICSI, I was like, I don’t know what that means. And long story short, they can either put your eggs, these are freshly harvested eggs with the fresh sperm and they can just let them at them so the sperm can go for it on the eggs.

Melissa Hemsley: I’ve since discovered it’s not the sperm going for the eggs, it’s the eggs deciding which sperm she lets in, which I think is the best thing ever. And she decides who she likes the best and who she’ll let in, which I love. So of course the embryologist and the gynaecologist don’t tell you that. So they basically said, right, you got 20.

Melissa Hemsley: We can either let your sperm at your egg. Or we can pick what we think look like the best looking sperm. So they’re looking at motility, mobility, shape, there’s five different characteristics of the sperm they’re looking at. And we can select them and we can sort of, inject them type thing themselves.

Melissa Hemsley: So we’ll pick the best looking sperm. And then they said to me, I remember them saying to me, so we privately funded this because it was during COVID. I wasn’t going to get a chance at this for a long time on the NHS, so there was a risk. So they said, if you want to do ICSI, per go, it’s going to be another, I think it was 250 pounds. In my out of it state I said to myself, well, if it’s more expensive, it must be better, right? If it’s more expensive option, it must be the better option. And at that point you’re like, I  will do anything. I  will do anything. And I was also out of it, so in the end we decided let’s do 10  ICSI and 10 free. And guess what happened?

Melissa Hemsley: By the end of it. Long story, long story. Long story short, we had six embryos. And of the six embryos, I think four of them were from the nat, the natural ish approach, which was the, the egg selecting her own sperm as opposed to the embryologist. So if I had to do it again, this is just my, from my own personal data, I would let my, my clever wise eggs pick her favorite sperm, but I had no idea.

Melissa Hemsley: Can you believe that? Of all of that. No one told me till when I’m outta it. And they’re like, you need to decide now. Like the sperm, you know, they’ve just come out, the eggs are ready. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. Anyway, sorry. That was a really long-winded thing. So anyway, uh, we ended up with six wonderful embryos. And the reason why I was telling you this story is because they let them get to day five. So of the 20 eggs, we got 10 embryos, and then they get them to day five. So every day they’re like, don’t call us, we’ll call you. The clinic call you up and say, right, this is how many embryos you’ve got left.

Melissa Hemsley: Because some, some don’t divide well, right? So they’re watching them divide and I actually have videos of them dividing. Wow. So it’s amazing. And of the six, Summer in my arms right now.

Melissa Hemsley: I waited six months. Some people go straight into it, but one, I had a book out, so I was like, I’m not going to add the, I don’t want anything to, I mean, you can’t control all stress. But I was like, I’m not going to put this on myself. And also someone said to me, you know what? If you can, by freezing, you bought yourself a bit of time.

Melissa Hemsley: That’s one of the things about this. So, you know, for me, always, I felt this lack of time, like lack of time in the universe, lack of time to be pregnant, lack of time to, to get the chance to be a mother. And I’ve really tried to work on stop thinking so much of lack. So I was like, I’m going to wait six months.

Melissa Hemsley: And so Summer went in me September the 26th, and here she here, she’s now, and then we tried again in November and it didn’t work. And so we were, so when you  think about the odds, for Summer to have been born successfully the first time is amazing. So when it didn’t work in November, and as I say, I could have sworn I was pregnant, but of course I’m full of fake drugs, aren’t I?

Melissa Hemsley: Not fake drugs, but I’m full of drugs. I was full of injections, patches, pessaries up my bottom pessaries and you know, uh, what else was I on? I was on oral pills, you know, so my body thought I was pregnant. And then when I got the test, I was like, no way. No way. And you know, when I was pregnant with her and I got the test, I was like, no way.

Melissa Hemsley: No way is this successful. And then when it wasn’t, I was like, no way. No way. So, my instinct was to just go again straight away. I was like, I remember calling up my guy, gynaecologist, going, how quickly can we transfer the next embryo? And he was like, you could just have one period to shed. What’s built up?

Melissa Hemsley: And then in the end I said to myself again, stop thinking. Like, and so, and you know what’s interesting? My acupuncturist said, she just said as a, as a passing comment, she was like, maybe it’s really lovely to have an embryo transfer in the spring, you know, rather than in the winter. Because I was thinking, should I do it in January?

Melissa Hemsley: I was like, maybe it’s really nice. Maybe your body will be, you know, a lot of it’s about having a warm womb. Again, I spent as a very hot-blooded person. I’ve spent a lot of my life having cold drinks thinking that was good for me. And actually now I understand that although a cold drink on a hot day or after a workout feels really refreshing, maybe it’s not necessarily long-term the best thing for your womb, which now I am, I’m the person that’s like rubbing my kidneys.

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Melissa Hemsley: And, and hot water bottling.

Le’Nise Brothers: Talking about things that you did, like these warming techniques, what are some of the other things that you did to take care of yourself? Kind of actually a nice way to get talking about nutrition. 

Melissa Hemsley: Yeah, yeah. Let’s do it. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: How did you take care of yourself food wise during this time?

Melissa Hemsley: Well, remember I told you my mum’s from the Philippines, so my mum is from a very, very hot country. But yet all year round it’s, it’s warming soups. Broth. They’ve got a ginger tea called salabat. It’s, it’s a lot of cooked food. Of course there are some raw food, but it’s, it’s mostly cooked food.

Melissa Hemsley: And so that is how I grew up eating anyway. And how, if anyone has read any of my cookbooks, you know, I have always got a version of a daal. I’ve always got a rice soup. I’ve always got noodle soups. I’ve always got slow cooked, this and that. I’ve always, I’m always into batch cooking. And I, I eat rarely raw salads.

Melissa Hemsley: I rarely eat raw. And so it was kind of just more of the same. It was. And what I love about cooked foods is they tend to be more easily digestible. Mm-hmm. And so I think when you’ve got a lot going on in your life, when you are stressed or when you’re busy, or when you’re certainly not giving yourself enough time to chew, which hands up, I still don’t, even though I know how important chewing is for me and all of us, I don’t think anyone would not benefit from not chewing more.

Melissa Hemsley: You know, they, they can be a really nice thing to do when you know that you are, like, for example, today I’ll be having soup for lunch. I’ve got loads of lovely food to eat, but I know when we finish I’m going to rush into something else. I’m like, you know what? Heating up that soup, pouring it into a mug and sipping on it that’s a good, that’s a good shout for me today.

Melissa Hemsley: And it’s a working day. I don’t sit.

Melissa Hemsley: Do as I say, and not as I do. I look at my daughter and I’m so conscious of how much she’s absorbing from me, and I’m like, we said to my partner, we can’t be so wolfy with our food because she’s watching us. She’s matching our speed. She thinks it’s fun. She thinks it’s a game to get it all down her. Yeah.

Melissa Hemsley: Anyway, so more of a warming food. More like, I love an iced coffee. I love like a hibiscus iced tea. I, like I said, I really run hot. Mm. I And it’s actually you know, I’m only in my first year of, of my nutritional therapy, but I, I think I’ve got a lot of damp in me and so, I don’t know a huge amount about chi, traditional Chinese medicine, but.

Melissa Hemsley: I know again, when I’m run down to not have too much yogurt and dairy. I mean, I eat everything, but whenever I’m feeling run down or my allergies are playing up, it’s so funny. I have my whole life had like that kind of triangle of eczema, hay fever, just general allergies and they flare when I’m run down and the year I was pregnant and the year I breastfed nothing.

Melissa Hemsley: And I guess that sound to right my lowered immune system because my body doesn’t want to reject the fetus. Anyway, so this was the first spring. It came back with a vengeance. My hay fever was like, hello, we’re back. How are you doing? Runny nose, eyes, is everything just itchy? And I was like, okay. Back to my basics, what I call just like the basic reset, which is less dairy.

Melissa Hemsley: Definitely all  cooked. .

Melissa Hemsley: I, even though ginger can be quite heat forming and I’m already hot inside, for me it suits me. Easy on the caffeine, easy on the dark chocolate, easy on the nuts as well. I find that’s just what I anecdotally feel is best for me. Yeah. And back to the fertility side of it all is so lovely speaking to you about this because I have been meaning to write more about things like this through my social media and so on, but I actually find it because you are so warm and lovely to speak to you.

Melissa Hemsley: I actually found it really hard to just sit and get my thoughts down on paper because it was, you know, I’m sort of smiling here again with my baby in my lap, but it was such a sad, hard time that if it weren’t for you asking me about it. I would probably, I, I just find it really hard to talk about it. But at the same time, it’s a blessing to be talking to you about it now because I’m in my 10 week countdown and so you’re kind of helping me refresh in my brain what I know I already know to do.

Melissa Hemsley: So here’s the thing. Beetroot. Beetroot is said to be very good for our blood and very good for our liver, right? So I need to, I’ve got a Riverford organic veg box, right? I don’t know if anyone else has a veg box and you can have alerts for veg. So I have an alert for beetroot because I don’t love it. Of all the veg in the world, I don’t love.

Melissa Hemsley: So I need to, I need to take it off my alerts because now I need the beetroot. And I think it comes from when I was younger. I think I was living, in Shoreditch I thought I was some sort of cool girl. I went out, got drunk, and the next day I went to a juice bar and I bought a beetroot juice and threw it up. So I think that’s one of the reasons why I went off beetroot for a long time. I have a dear friend who has now, who passed away two years ago called Emma Cannon. I don’t know if you’ve ever Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is. I mean, I talk about her like she’s still here. I totally feel her. And she was very well. She, she had cancer for a long time, but I was about to say she was unwell with it.

Melissa Hemsley: She, she’s, she’s somebody that just was just so, like this does not define me. So she, she would not like me saying she lived with it or suffered with it. But she, she helped me make Summer and she helped many people make Summer and she was a sort of like called sort of the fertility whisperer in London.

Melissa Hemsley: And I met her before I was even knew that I was having fertility challenges. And then, you know, she’s one of the first five people I messaged when Summer was born and she met Summer four times. towards the end of her life and got to spend time with Summer. And she is an acupuncturist. She also work with, she found me, my gynaecologist.

Melissa Hemsley: And the reason I’m talking about her, well not only because she played such a role in my fertility, not only did she spend so much time, she was, she was one of five sisters. So she always says someone always had their period. So she’d love your podcast. And she’d, she’d be, she’d be laughing down us right now and she would write.

Melissa Hemsley: And so she wrote so many books. She was really ahead of her time. One of them is called Fertile. That’s the one that spring to mind. She’s had The Baby Making Bible. Anyway, she was really passionate about women feeling fertile, whether they wanted to be pregnant or not. And that idea of fertile applying to different parts of your body and not just your womb.

Melissa Hemsley: And that feeling of being connected to Mother Nature all year round. And again, whether you wanted to have children or could have children or not. So she was big on the word fertility and fertile and the big word that she used to tell me was about surrender. And I remember as somebody, you know, we met each other, both as people in the so-called wellness world.

Melissa Hemsley: And I say that as in so-called, because I do feel firmly in the well wellbeing world, but not in the let’s commercialize a lot of it, which I know the same for you. Like we, we, we love it. We, we, we we’re, we’re educating ourselves for the joy of understanding it, not just so that we can add another list of letters to our name and, and, and charge more whatever.

Melissa Hemsley: She would always say to me, don’t let the world tell you that you’re broken and need to be fixed. So she was a big part of my journey into not thinking of words like failed and abort. And I remember saying to her when I had a miscarriage I hadn’t quite started the traditional IV F but I was already on a lot of drugs.

Melissa Hemsley: It’s quite difficult to know when the actual IVF journey starts because you’re put on a lot of, there’s so many different stages anyway. And I remember the gynaecologist saying to me, well, you know, you’re only X weeks and we’re, we’re just at the start, so, you know, let’s just go again. And he was, I was just in bit, and she, I remember, I remember saying to her, I don’t want to be with him anymore.

Melissa Hemsley: He doesn’t get it, you know, it’s put me off him. You know, because you really have to trust these people, not only with your body, but whether you are spending your own money. Or you’ve been fortunate enough to have access to the National Health Service or maybe private health insurance through work. You’re playing with all of your hopes and your body and your dreams. You’ve gotta be able to trust people. And I remember her really being so sweet and saying to me, you know what, at some point when you are ready, I’ll help you. We can tell him how that comment made you feel, because how was he going to know unless we show him and she’s like, this is not on you to educate this man.

Melissa Hemsley: But I think it’s a really good thing when you feel ready. Obviously I was miscarrying at the time. Let’s tell him, because he needs to know that that language is not helpful.

Melissa Hemsley: With all of his degrees and experience how you feel about it. And I, I loved that about her. Anyway, forgot where we were when you asked me about warming foods and I’ve just gone off on one. No, here we’re, yeah, Emma beetroot She’d always be on the beetroot and she had a recipe called beetroot risotto.

Melissa Hemsley: And the two things in my life, I’m not huge fan of, of risotto and beetroot, but together I was like, no, no, no, no, no. It’s not that I dislike them, but like they’re my least favorite of all of the amazing foods in the entire world. But I will be upping my beetroot I will be just thinking warm and cooked as much as possible.

Melissa Hemsley: I’ll be thinking slow down as I eat. Her big word is surrender. What makes you feel safe and surrendered? I think for a lot of people in life regardless of whatever subject we’re talking, we want to feel safe. So she was always big into what makes you feel safe. And I think me lying on my front and acupuncture that day that I just suddenly went, oh, can I lie my front today?

Melissa Hemsley: That was my version of feeling safe. I think me liking having my blinds down and feeling like womb like is my version of safe. So I think a big thing that I’m working on is safe. So to food for a second, I’ll be eating all the foods that my comfort food, which might be different for all of us, but for me, you know, like I.

Melissa Hemsley: I, I really found myself craving a lot of red meat. I don’t love liver, so I’m taking liver supplements at the moment. But, you know, there’s all of these things about, we just don’t know what’s safe or not, you know? So, you know, at a certain point just before transfer, I’ll ease up on a lot of things.

Melissa Hemsley: Mm-hmm. And you know, in some ways when I do, when I’m studying for my degree, I actually, like at the moment I’m doing the nervous system. I’m doing the second module. Is this taking you back? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Big time. 

Melissa Hemsley: Yeah. And we’re learning about neurodegenerative diseases and so sobering and sad and tragic. And I’m actually, even though I’m quite behind on my studies at the moment, I, I actually have decided that it’s not great for me to be reading about these case studies and these illnesses right now because it’s really stressing out.

Melissa Hemsley: Now that’s not to say it’s a bit like the news. There’s got to, of course, it’s important to understand what’s going on so we can do the right thing and be, not just turn our backs on stuff. But I think there’s a also a point, especially when you’re trying to do something like feel safe to bring a new life into your body where I’ve just gone, whoa, this, this module on neurogenerative diseases is quite terrifying and sad, and it’s, we’re not just learning about cellular structures this week.

Melissa Hemsley: It’s really, really sad things that people are going through and suffering from, and I can’t look at it right now. Yeah. But in general, when I’m looking at our biomedicine semesters, it’s so funny what it comes back to. It always comes back to so much of the time, right? Warming foods, anti-inflammatories, rest, acupuncture, homeopathy, drinking more water, seeing more sunlight, moving your body in a way that feels good. And I just, I just chuckle at the end of every like, natural prescription.

Melissa Hemsley: And I know so many amazing GPs who not because they’re my GPs, I don’t have multiple GPs, but I know people that work in general practice or work for the NHS and they’re like, I just wish we were able to prescribe more of these things.

Melissa Hemsley: You know? Yeah, just anecdotally, you know what, this is not an official prescription, but I really think that if you can include a bit more soup in your life, like one of my favorite soups, especially because again, in our degree we’re, you know, think leafy greens because a lot of people eat veg. A lot of people with healthy diet, healthy eat a lot of the, the go-to vegetables, right?

Melissa Hemsley: Like the broccoli, the carrots, the peas, all great vegetables. Um, maybe now sweet potatoes are having a bit more of a moment, which is gorgeous bloody love, sweet potato. But we kind of have like our favorite 5, 6, 7 veg. And it, a lot of people will say, especially for women, like go for leafy dark greens. I wouldn’t say they’re necessarily my absolute favorite.

Melissa Hemsley: So what I tend to do when I make a soup, if I’ve got time to make one soup week, I will buy frozen kale or frozen spinach and I’ll have frozen peas and I’ll have frozen edamame and I will throw the on and in the time the kettle’s on, I’ll roughly chop onion, I’ll roughly chop ginger and garlic or maybe grate them straight into the pan and they get a little head start.

Melissa Hemsley: Also leeks, because they’re prebiotics, you can buy bags of frozen leeks and if you can’t buy them, chop your own. Amazing. And then I throw all the frozen green, then top it with water, maybe add some bone broth if I’ve blitz up lemon. And then.

Melissa Hemsley: And then I’ll heat it up during the week. So maybe one day I’ll heat it up and as it’s heated up, because I don’t want to destroy the, the goodness and the miso, I’ll just stir some miso through in a mug. So one day maybe it’s got like, so it’s a base green soup, so maybe one day it’s got some miso in it.

Melissa Hemsley: Maybe I hold the ginger on it in the cooking in my base, and maybe the next time I put some pesto in it. So I’ll just like flavor up. I, I love, I’ve got this, I need to see what the brand is, but I’ve got this little lovely shaker of seaweed salt. So I’m trying to include a bit of more seaweed in my life.

Melissa Hemsley: And oily fish too. And, and you know, I, I’ll add a bit of liver into something like a bolognese, but I don’t love it. And so, yeah, the liver capsules, the organ meats, I feel quite good on them. Yeah. As but as capsules.

Le’Nise Brothers: I want to just ask you a little bit about this transition. So you have had a lot of different hats in the nutrition, in the kind of healthy eating wellbeing world.

Le’Nise Brothers: And now as we’ve just been talking a little bit about your degree that you’re studying for in nutritional therapy, what made you decide to do the degree? Because it’s quite a big, as I know from personal experience, it’s a big undertaking. And actually what’s funny is that my son was the same age as your daughter when I started doing, oh my gosh.

Melissa Hemsley: How please, how did you do it? How did you do it? 

Le’Nise Brothers: I did it part-time. 

Melissa Hemsley: Same. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. And I was even then, yeah, I was working part-time as well. Oh my gosh. I was still working in advertising back then, and I had to be really disciplined. I had to, like, any time that I could carve out to study, I had to just, I had my cue cards.

Le’Nise Brothers: I would sit on the tube and I would review my cue cards, but I would just very, it is very stressful. It was very stressful. 

Melissa Hemsley: Tell me, does it get easier, what was your most, or is each year different? A bit like each year? Motherhood Each year? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. No, each year is very different, but actually I found biomedicine the trickiest.

Melissa Hemsley: Yeah. Thank you. Okay, so maybe this is going to be the hardest bit. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. Because once you get through the first year, you also get a sense of how it all works and you remember how to study. 

Melissa Hemsley: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a big thing, right? Just, I mean, again, in this world of immediacy and distraction to sit and study is really tough.

Melissa Hemsley: I mean, I, I even have a science background in the sense that I did a, A level chemistry, biology, and physics because I wanted to be a doctor. And you know what, I, I think age 18, I think I might have had a, a break, a nervous breakdown. Some, I mean, no one diagnosed it. I didn’t have anyone professionally there to support me at the time, and I wish I had, but I about, yeah, age 16, 17, basically the years I was doing my mocks, I had some sort of breakdown and I failed some of my as, sorry.

Melissa Hemsley: No, I failed some of my mocks. And if, if anyone listening remembers that world, that time of our lives, you needed to get good mocks to show your Teachers and your tutors and universities, what you were on track to get. And so no one was putting me forward or writing me recommendation, like no one was going to take those mock mock and those as level results.

Melissa Hemsley: They were like super disappointing. And I had come from, at that point, I had been top of my class. I actually had had a bursary at a private school for a number of years related to my academic results. So I was always very academic. And again, you know, I’ve since been diagnosed with ADHD. I think that the way I was able to be so, so called academically successful was because I was harming myself in other ways.

Melissa Hemsley: I was just obsessed with, with grades and results and I wasn’t necessarily learning in the right way. I wasn’t necessarily taking it in. I think I was good short term and I was good at exams. Any who when, why did I decide to do it? So for years and years and years after my crisis of confidence, you know, even 18, I was like, okay, I’m going to take a year out.

Melissa Hemsley: I’m going to I’m going to reapply. I’m just going to reapply. You know, I ended up getting really good a, a level results in the end. I was like, heck, I can apply. I can get, but, but, you know, I was, I was shook up and my plan of being a doctor, which I had, which I.

Melissa Hemsley: Be, you know, uh, stereotypical. But as a Southeast Asian mother, you know, who’s an immigrant, she was very excited at the idea that she might have a doctor in the family. And, you know, now that I’m doing my nutritional degree, nutritional therapy degree, I’m like, I’m very excited that we’ve got a nutritional, a future nutritional therapist in the family because, you know, and already it’s so funny, all my friends, what shall I do for this?

Melissa Hemsley: I was like, well, I’m not qualified yet, but, and then I go back to it, I’m like, you could get a lot from rest cooked foods, reducing stress. Like, you know, we don’t need a degree to say that. Um, but anyway, so for years and years and years I was like, I’m going to reapply for med school and then of course life you down and work.

Melissa Hemsley: Also my friends peers, uni, I felt ahead of them because. Studying and they were maybe having part-time jobs, and I was like, oh, I’ve got enough money to rent in London. Now I can. I can take you guys out for dinner. You know? So that’s quite a powerful feeling when you’re 18, 19, 21, and then all of a sudden they graduate with degrees and you’re like, oh, I missed out on all of that fun and the sex and like that.

Melissa Hemsley: That kind of exploration that I think a lot of people get at uni that when you’re sort of living at your mum’s and then starting to rent and basically working your arse off to afford the rent, like I just didn’t have that kind of fun. Don’t get me wrong. I know that that’s not what university is just about, but I felt like my friends were having a great time.

Melissa Hemsley: And then I was like, okay, well I’ve missed my boat now. How? Now? I’m 22, 23, now I can’t do it. Long story short. And then of course, the government came in and decided to just charge everyone tons of money. And by that point I was like, okay. And then, then the next moment, uh, you know, my head’s going, oh, well now I want to be a mum.

Melissa Hemsley: So now I’m not. And then I, and then I really realized also in terms of being a doctor, I was like, I am, I mean, I, I, I don’t know how I, you know, and even this is the thing, as I’m studying for my nutritional therapy degree, I, I have thought a few times, oh my God, what’s it going to be like to hold space for people who are really unwell in a clinic run with you or online?

Melissa Hemsley: And what are we going to, what, how is it going to feel for me to be able to say, I can’t help you, or it’s going to be a long journey, or I can’t help you. Or, you know, I, I thought to myself, what is it going to be like to have that responsibility? And how will I, how will I be able to also be a great nutritional therapist, and how will I also be able to be a great person and mother when I walk away from work that day and try to release that?

Melissa Hemsley: I mean, I guess they’re going to help us do that in other years of studying, right? Yeah. I mean, what do you, how, how has it been for you? 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah, so it, I mean, the fact that you’re even thinking about that is an important thing because you have, you. You have to be able to say, actually I think X person would be better to suited to help you.

Le’Nise Brothers: Or I think you start with your GP and then you go from there. You are able to, and some of this comes with time being able to say like, actually this is out outside of my scope of practice, or This is what I think you should start to do and then come back to me in six months. But it’s like being, having those thoughts.

Le’Nise Brothers: Already is important to be able to say like, I’m holding space for someone. It’s really valuable. I don’t want to steer them down the wrong path. It’s really valuable to even have that mindset to begin with because you know that you can’t, you can’t help everyone. And that’s really, really important to be able to say like, this is my specialism.

Le’Nise Brothers: Um, or these are the type of people that I can help and I think, I think my colleague X is, would be better suited to help you. But yeah, it is valuable. You know, you mentioned the nervous system earlier tending. You are helping others with their, supporting their nervous system, but tending to your own at the same time and knowing that you’re giving in this profession, you give out a lot.

Le’Nise Brothers: You be need to be able to kind of say, okay, this is what I need to do to soothe my own nervous system. 

Melissa Hemsley: Mm-hmm.

Le’Nise Brothers: To kind of make that shift, you know, out of fight or flight and just soothe and calm things down. But yeah, you can, all of these things, they come with time. And that’s actually what I say to a lot of people who are just starting out because it’s, you’ll see this next year when you start to have clinics where you feel like you want to tell people everything.

Melissa Hemsley: Oh God. Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. But you can’t, you have to kind of think, well, how, how will they actually do this? And you know, even now when I see clients in some consultations, they’ll leave with like one or two things to do and that’s it. Because that’s all. Mm-hmm. Sometimes they have the capacity for, again, that comes with experience.

Melissa Hemsley: Yeah. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Yeah. 

Melissa Hemsley: I mean, I know that, I know that, I know that on a base level, if I ask someone for directions and there’s more than two turning right? I’m like, nah, my brain’s given up. I can follow two parts of this. Yeah. I’m, I’m trying not to get ahead of myself and think, oh my gosh, am I going to be good at this?

Melissa Hemsley: And I’m, I’m really enthused to know that you think that, that, that thinking these things is a good sign. But, you know, I really, going back to your question, which I’ve just like gone every which way from, I had the most incredible functional doctor support me with my thyroid and my fertility. And she is a GP and a functional practitioner.

Melissa Hemsley: And she was just really easy to talk to. I’ve never met her in real life. She basically got me to where I needed to go. And I feel now that, you know, at some point in my life I will, I’ll need her again in, in a different scope. But she really, that really inspired me and I love that she would tell me, you know, that, that with her GP hat on. And then she would tell me another alternative.

Melissa Hemsley: Um, and I remember also her you know, once I did get pregnant, I, again, I didn’t realize this with my gynaecologist, at a certain point he says, okay, I can’t even remember what point it was. I think it was after the 12 week scan, uh, which I just, you know, was just my heart was in my, my heart was in my mouth for most of my pregnancy, to be honest.

Melissa Hemsley: I feel like I’ve only just, she’s almost two. You know, there, there’s other things, there’s other things to worry about now, but was in 12. Okay. Basically go, you get handed. And my mid midwife, you know, and my hospital was, was uc, UCLH, because I’m in North London. And I remember thinking, huh. And of course he’s a gynaecologist.

Melissa Hemsley: He’s not going to look after me after that. And of course I didn’t need him after that. Anyway, I had, I had a really fantastic experience. I ended up having a really wonderful, I never saw the same midwife twice. I think that’s quite usual. But everyone I came across I actually, not only was I lucky enough to, to have found a doula I loved, I had two doulas. And the reason is, is because the doula I met, and I think this is quite usual now, again, I knew nothing about doulas. They, they have a backup. They have a buddy doula so that if for some reason they’re unwell or their child is unwell, when you do go into labor, they’ve got someone else.

Melissa Hemsley: So I ended up having two amazing people support me and I decided on a, I wanted the water birth at the hospital rather than being at home. I didn’t feel, I really did in my heart want to have a home birth. But the way my anxiety was, I decided that it was better to go for the water at the hospital anyway, I ended up having an emergency c-section story for another day.

Melissa Hemsley: But what I wanted to say is, you know, everyone that I met medically from my functional doctor to my midwives in my first appointment with my midwife.. You know, you write this massive long list of everything. And I wrote, I’ve got diagnosed ADHD and diagnosed anxiety GAD, generalized anxiety disorder.

Melissa Hemsley: And the first thing my midwife said to me was, this is like the check-in midwives. Because again, I didn’t realize you have your midwives that work more like in the clinic with you, and then you have your midwives help you give birth midwives after birth. You know, so many different types of midwives. And this midwife, the first thing she said was, do you want me to turn the light down lower?

Melissa Hemsley: Because she knew that one of the characteristics could be of my ADHD, and she was right, was that bright light and especially white hospital lights overhead are very overstimulating for me and make me really stressed and talk like this and do all of this. And she was like, do you turn the light down?

Melissa Hemsley: And I was like, oh my God, yes, please. And then she said, to me, by the way, we have a designated mental health midwife and here’s her number. They, there’s a couple of them and they share the mobile. So at any point during, and I, I actually, that person, I actually didn’t need to contact them, but knowing that there was somebody who I could contact who would specifically be able to talk me through things if I was having like, the buildup to a panic attack or whatever, or just knowing that, that, that, that was available to me.

Melissa Hemsley: And then another thing, again, it was there off their back. They said to me, would you like to come and have a tour of the labor ward before? So it was so, so, so I guess I’m slightly going off topic, but for me what was really wonderful was the more open I was about, about things that in my life, my cultural and familial upbringing was like, that’s a weakness.

Melissa Hemsley: Don’t talk about it. People will judge you unfairly for that. Or people will just, people won’t want to work with you if they think that you are a bit erratic. Or people won’t work with you if they think you’re a bit broken. They, instead, were just like, Hey, would it make you feel better? We’re here for the safety of you and your child, your future child.

Melissa Hemsley: Would it make you feel better to come and have a look around beforehand? So it’s not a shock on the day, I was just so impressed. And again, all of that leading up to the question you asked me, I think meeting so many amazing medical professionals just really made me go, do you know what it’s now or never? I want to study, I want to learn, I want to have a beautiful menopause. I want to have an amazing, beautiful old age. I want to be strong and fit. I want to be able to know how to support me. I want to bring my child up. Not just going, okay, let’s just shove some Calpol. Because, because that’s how I was brought up.

Melissa Hemsley: And no judgment for anyone that does. But I was like, if I, if there’s other things I can try as well, I want to know. And I’m, I know that studying was going to enable me to do that. And so I had all, I had given cooking demos at CNM before, so they were on my radar. And then there were a couple of different colleges and I just started researching them and thinking who can I, who, who would give me the best flexibility?

Le’Nise Brothers: Have you thought ahead and, or like maybe you have a little bit when the, what you say, were saying earlier about when you see clients and you need to, you know, send them to other people. But have you thought about what you want to do when you finish your degree? Will it be about integrating it into your other work? Will it be about having a private practice? 

Melissa Hemsley: Well, you know how I said earlier on, like, I try, I, I try not to jump too far ahead because I feel like I live too much in the, the planning. And we all know planning it doesn’t always work well, often doesn’t, but. One of the things that I had to do to justify, of course, the huge amount of financial cost and the financial pressure it puts under my whole family because we all have, in order for me to study, I’m sure you can relate this, so many different people have had to step up the extra cooking, the extra chores, the childcare and all of that.

Melissa Hemsley: So it’s like, it’s kind of like, you know, we all had to agree that I was going to do this degree. So I thought about it and there’s loads of different ways I think I would like to take it. But I have always, always wanted to have some sort of community or being, not necessarily me running it, but be involved in some sort of community space where we’re growing vegetables.

Melissa Hemsley: Not anything like, not anything extremely elegant or extremely. Large, but some sort of community space where we’re growing and there’s things growing that people actually want to eat while at the same time being interesting enough that people can come and learn and children can come and learn. And I mean, people often think about children, but like loads of grownups don’t, haven’t seen veg growing and it’s not our fault.

Melissa Hemsley: We just haven’t been shown these things. We haven’t been given the education. And so I, I would love that kind of space. And then, there’s a food offering every day. No surprising. I want a soup. So like, there’ll be soup, there’ll be homemade bread, and there’ll be an element of pay as you can for it so that everybody is invited and everybody gets to benefit from nutritious food.

Melissa Hemsley: And maybe somehow with my food contacts and my industry contacts, I can also use this beautiful space as a place that earns money so that commercial side pays for the educational community side. What’s funny? Oh, I think someone likes this idea. I’ll be getting her to work there when she’s older.

Melissa Hemsley: And so it’s like, it’s got food, it’s got nutrition. There’s a mental health aspect because we know that using our hands and getting them in soil and being in touch with nature is really good for our gut microbiome. It’s good, our mental health, it’s good for community. And I know because I work a lot with charities like the Prince’s Trust, which is now called the King’s Trust, that when I’m with young women and they’re like, I don’t want to take part in your cooking workshop.

Melissa Hemsley: I don’t want to cook, or My mum cooks, all she does is cook. I want more for myself than that. And I’m like, yeah, absolutely. Fair enough. I’m like, but can you help me make lunch for you all? 40 of you just come and gimme a hand. And we start chopping. And then that action of chatting side by side, we start talking about bigger things or some people want to learn how to cook, but they just feel like it’s a skill that no one ever taught them and it’s passing by and they feel.

Melissa Hemsley: So they, they’re not confident to nourish themselves with a meal. And so when by the two hours later we’ve made something really delicious and familiar, it’s nothing that’s like completely unfamiliar to them. They’re like, oh my God, I can cook. Like, yeah, of course you can cook. We can all cook. And that is such a confidence piece boost for people when they’re like, oh, I, I’m, I’ve literally, I’m going through life and I don’t know how to cook.

Melissa Hemsley: So I love that. So I want, I want it to be this amazing space where everyone is able to dip in however much they want. And I haven’t really come across places like that. And, and so back to your thing, you know, part of a lot of me would like to work with kids, but a lot of me would like to work with, with, with the elderly because we know that loneliness really accelerates aging of body and mind.

Melissa Hemsley: And so yeah, there’s loads I’d like to do with that. I’d like to get, maybe get involved with food policy. Every few years somebody tries to convince the government. Yeah. And my last book is about the rise of ultra processed food and how we can not be the nation in Europe that eats the highest amount and the numbers growing.

Melissa Hemsley: You know, maybe when I’ve got this degree behind me, it will enable me for my work to have a bit more impact in the way that it doesn’t, people will listen to me now from a food point of view, but, but maybe they’ll listen more.

Le’Nise Brothers: What’s the one thought you’d like to leave listeners with?

Melissa Hemsley: Well, you know, having just. I had an amazing chat with you and just having like, just you’ve, you know, I’m, I, I’m really not just saying this because I’m really not just saying this, but just having, being able to speak, being able to be listened to and chat with someone so amazing as you is, is something that I hope all of us get the chance to do.

Melissa Hemsley: It’s really nourishing for me. I hope I’ve really nourishing for me, I hope I’ve managed to, so selfishly I have really enjoyed myself and I’m really grateful for you asking me on and like asking me such amazing questions that I feel lighter having shared things with you and it’s helped me consolidate what my priorities are.

Melissa Hemsley: I hope in turn you ask would leave listeners that if people have lovely people in their lives that you can speak to. That you don’t be afraid to lean on them and ask them for help and, and help them brainstorm things with you. Because sometimes you do know what you want, but you just need someone to help you ask questions to get it out.

Melissa Hemsley: And, you know, whether you are listening to this and think, oh, I’d love to do a nutritional degree, but there’s absolutely no way I’m going to be able to find the time or have the money or the opportunity to do it. I would say there’s still so many amazing ways that you can access for free lots of information.

Melissa Hemsley: I’m sure you’ve got lots of resources to direct people to. And that I’m actually reading a book at the moment called Unwell Woman. Have you heard of it? Um, I can’t remember the author. Yeah. 

Melissa Hemsley: Eleanor. Eleanor, yes. Yeah. 

Melissa Hemsley: Yes. Yeah. And so, you know, I get maybe the chance to read half a page once a week, but it, it, it gives me a fire in my belly to just be like, we so deserve to be able to look after ourselves.

Melissa Hemsley: And the NHS are incredible at helping us when we’re in crisis, but good food and rest and knowledge about herbs. I’m, I’m the, I’m the mum at the playground with the arnica. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone’s like, is that like some special potion? I’m like, it’s, you can get it in, you can get, you can get it, you can get it in the supermarket.

Melissa Hemsley: And you know, obviously I’m like, it’s your responsibility to use it like it, you know, but at the same time, so many people like, you know, just that little act of like putting it on the kid’s booboo or like their knee or their head and everyone’s like, it just, it’s distracting the kid. It’s making the mum or dad feel better.

Melissa Hemsley: And, you know, I believe hundred percent it works, but. I, we, a lot of us never grew up knowing that there was an alternative to that. And that’s just a really simple thing that just comes out. My handbag, I have like one in my handbag, one in the buggy, and you know, my pots of herbal teas, you know, some people are like, there can’t be that much therapeutic levels in a herbal tea.

Melissa Hemsley: And I’m like, really? You know, you, you could be surprised. You know, or, or people thinking a veg, a veg box, an organic veg box is a luxury. Well, in many ways it is, but it’s one that I believe is, is an important one to budget in. And I’d rather go without certain things to prioritize very much my meat and dairy and my animal products and my eggs for sure.

Melissa Hemsley: So again, I’ve just gone off on one, but, but I guess, I guess my main thing would be, it could be really overwhelming to start self-research, but I think it’s worth it. And I think that one of the things I’ll be.

Melissa Hemsley: Helping get to know her body and her period without, you know, pushing too much on her. I don’t want to, I don’t want to be like, well, lemme tell you all the things I never learned…

Le’Nise Brothers: but that education, it’s so young and like doing it in a really age appropriate way. Yeah. And then just continuing to answer the questions in just an open, honest, age appropriate way is just, is so valuable. And I know that you’ll be fantastic at it.

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you for coming on the show. I really appreciate it and if people want to get in touch with you who, um, are learning about you from this show, where can they, yeah. Where can they get in touch with you? 

Melissa Hemsley: Well, thank you to anyone that’s, that’s listened and would like to, to keep in touch.

Melissa Hemsley: I’m on Instagram @ Melissa Hemsley, but you know what? I haven’t done anything for about two weeks, which is huge for me. I mean, that sounds so silly, but I’m like, Ooh, I think I’m sort of moving away. Um, let’s see. But I’m also on Substack and I have a page called Things that Make My Heart Sing. So. Do you know what?

Melissa Hemsley: Let’s do a little screenshot photo, you and I, so I can put this picture up. Okay. Let’s do a little smile. Okay. Excuse us listeners. We just need the picture. Yay. That’s an amazing screenshot. And I’ll be posting this. So yeah, basically on on that, on that page thing that make my heart sing, I write about like, yeah, podcasts.

Melissa Hemsley: I’ve listened to, things that have inspired me. I don’t talk so much about food or there that is always, obviously recipes woven in and things like that. But it’s more, yeah, exploring, exploring quite a lot of what we talked about here. Cool. 

Le’Nise Brothers: Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. It’s been so brilliant talking to you. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 90, Tamara Driessen: Accept What You Need In The Moment

My guest on today’s episode is Tamara Driessen. Tamara is a tarot reader,  intuitive guide, author of Luna and The Crystal Code and host of the podcast Another Phase

In this episode, Tamara shares: 

  • What it meant to be diagnosed with PCOS and anovulatory infertility 
  • Her experience coming off the pill and reconnecting with her menstrual cycle 
  • Some of the habits she incorporated to kickstart ovulation and regular menstrual cycles 
  • How to reconnect with your intuition 
  • Why it’s important to slow down to be able to speed up
  • The real deal on manifestation and why it’s so important to find peace in your here and now 
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Tamara says that comparison is such a trickster because it really disconnects us from ourselves. But when we accept ourselves exactly as we are or accept what we need in the moment, there’s just so much power in that. Then the next breadcrumb appears, the next dot connects rather than us trying to chase something else that actually isn’t meant for us in this moment.

Thank you, Tamara!

Get in touch with Tamara: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamaradriessen_/ 

Website: https://www.tamaradriessen.com 


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers:

Hi Tamara. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. I’m really excited to talk to you. I feel like we’ve been following each other forever. I’ve been on your podcast and we’ve had so many chats, so I’m really excited to just kind of dig in, talk about your first period, and then talk about the work you do. So let’s just kick off with you telling us the story of your very first period.

Tamara Driessen:

My very first period I’ve been trying to remember or work out, was I 12? Was I 13? How old was I? But I remember so vividly that I came up with my first spots and I was like, Mum, we need to go and buy some Clearasil. I’ve got to go to the supermarket and I need to zap these spots actually in products to get rid of them. And then my period came just after, and I think was, it was a sense of relief for me because it’s like, oh, I was one of the last girls in class. I guess the competitive Aries in me was like, oh yeah, I didn’t also, I was bullied at school and things like that. So I was conscious I didn’t want to be behind in any other, in any way or give people a reason to pick on me.

But I really remember feeling this sense of coming of age as well when I had my first period. And I felt quite kind of well prepared because I’d had a few sex education classes at junior school and secondary schools. I had this drawer saved of sanitary towels and things that I was just like, yeah, desperate to be able to use one day. So I felt like I was prepared in that way, but my Mum had never, she hadn’t really spoken to me about it a lot. I remember when I was younger, I was watching randomly Pretty Woman with some babysitters and the conversation of the birds and the bees came up and I was like, what’s the birds and the bees? And they’re like, ask your mum. Your mum will tell you. And she actually took us to, it must’ve been the science museum to show you the mannequins and the process of how it happens scientifically and all of that. So yeah, so it was I guess a very eclectic sex education, first period education. Yeah, I think I remember, like I said, that feeling of relief, but also this coming of age excitement for sure.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And I think that’s such a tender time. So 12, 13, and often that gets forgotten because especially now when it feels like there’s such a rush for kids to grow up where it’s so tender, the sense of self is being, developing, is developing, and you’re so impressionable. And then to have, you mentioned bullying and so tender. And a lot of the women that I’ve spoken to on the podcast have expressed this feeling of shame and embarrassment around their period. And there’s some women who actually got bullied around their period. And I just wonder, once you got your first period and you kind of felt, okay, I’m not something I can get teased about anymore. Did your relationship with your classmates change? Did your feeling about yourself change at all?

Tamara Driessen:

No, I don’t. I don’t remember telling anyone. I felt like it was my thing. And just that kind of quiet confidence that gives you having that secret, because I felt I was very excluded by the girls in my year at school. So I was mainly friends with boys, so I wouldn’t have had that, oh, my first period, I wouldn’t have had that conversation with them. But I did have a friend, a girlfriend that was in a different school, and I remember talking to her about it and just being, oh yeah. And I think she had already started her period as well. So it was nice that we could kind of share that in that kind of naive space as well.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And then as you moved into your teenage years, what was your experience of your period like?

Tamara Driessen:

I think? Interesting. It was really regular, and it would always happen on a Thursday night. I wrote a Thursday night and then I went onto the pill at quite a young age, and I think I might have been, yeah, yeah, I was young and well, not too young, but I went on that. So then I think I used that to kind of control my periods as well, because that’s what kind of that messaging that we have of your period being inconvenient and you not being able to do exercise or go swimming or the embarrassment if you bleed through and if you want to go out and things like that. So I remember really in hindsight now just being like, oh my gosh, what were you doing? But taking my pill through and not having the breaks when I was supposed to have breaks because I thought that that was okay to do because it just meant that it was a way of controlling my period. And then as I got older, I think I definitely paid the price for that for sure. Hormonally.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Can you say a bit more about that?

Tamara Driessen:

Yeah, so as we discussed, I think it was, I can’t remember if we discussed it on the Instagram live that we did together, but I think we talked about it on my podcast. But in my late twenties, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome and anovulatory infertility. So I do wonder how connected they are, but also in my teens, and actually there’s such a direct correlation with I had a lot of anxiety. I stopped being able to go to school. I was diagnosed with depression, I had an eating disorder. And I’m not saying that there are other factors, but later on in life I came off the pill and a lot of those symptoms kind of went, and I thought that it was because I was pursuing alternative healing practices and spiritual practices. And then as soon as I went back on the pill, I just lost any kind of sense of rationality and was very, I say they class this as ‘hormonal’, but emotional and sensitive and paranoid and really insecure.

And I remember being like, oh, I need to come off this because me and my boyfriend are not going to say together. And I just was very aware of the difference of me on the pill and me off the pill. But because I’d had that time, I could differentiate between the two, which was helpful. But I remember speaking to the nurse about it, and she was suggesting having the injection or the implant, and I was like, well, if I feel like this on the pill and I could just come off it, I don’t want to inject myself with something and then that be completely in my system. And then I’ve got to just wait, really wait for that to run its course. And I felt quite misunderstood when I tried to speak to the nurse and the doctors about it for sure.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And so what prompted you to come off of it the second time?

Tamara Driessen:

I think the first time that I came off of it properly for a considerable amount of time, because I was just single, I was like, there’s no point in me being on this. I’m not sexually active. And actually, I had a healing session with a shaman, and she’s the one that suggested it to me because one of the reasons that I was on the pill was because I had really bad acne. And that was another reason why I’d gone on the pill, changed the pills that I was on. And the shaman was like, I think you need to come off the pill. I think that that’s it. If you’re not sexually active, and it’s just for that, just come off and just see what happens. So yeah, I can’t remember. I don’t think my skin did clear up, but I just wasn’t educated enough in knowing what was causing the acne hormonally the way that I am now. And from what I’ve learned from you to understand that and heal those issues without needing to take the contraception.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And what’s really interesting about you is you do a lot of work in this kind of, so you called it the alternative healing space. And a lot of it is around getting in touch with your intuition, getting in touch with the signals that your body and your mind is giving you. And can you talk a little bit about what it was like for you getting in touch all the times that you’ve come off the pill, getting back in touch with the natural cycles of your body and what you learned about yourself?

Tamara Driessen:

I think it was such a gradual process, and I don’t think at first it wasn’t, there was no awareness of getting in touch with my body or in touch with my cycles until I read a book by Lisa Lister that was Code Red and kind of tracking your cycles. And then it wasn’t until I started tracking my cycles and becoming aware, oh, I don’t remember in school being taught, yeah, your hormones, I’m sure that they taught us about progesterone, estrogen, and that shifting, but not kind of the awareness of when you actually ovulate and how that changes your body and how you feel and your head space and your moods and all of that and how you feel throughout your cycle. And that book really did kind of open up a level of awareness that I’d never had before. And then when I started tracking it, I was like, oh yeah, on day three of my cycle, I feel amazing. And on day 28 of my cycle, I feel like hell. But then also that’s when I realised that, oh my gosh, some of my cycles are so long and too long. And that’s when I ended up going to the doctor to speak to them about that. But again, their advice was like, go back on the pill. But it’s like that for me, that was just completely counterintuitive because I felt like I already had a sense that that was what had been throwing off my hormones already, and that’s what I needed to correct.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And at what point were you diagnosed with PCOS?

Tamara Driessen:

I think I must have been six years ago, 34. So quite late. And I love talking about periods. When you asked me to be a guest, I was like, yes, I love that you have this podcast and that you share all the work that you do because so many people just don’t know. And whenever I’ve shared things about your work on stories, it’s such a conversation starter, even though that’s not my niche, my thing. But so many people are like, whoa, yeah, where can I find out more about this? And it’s mind blowing how little, so many, considering how many of us have periods, how normal that is, and how regularly that happens, how unaware people are above all of that. So I can’t even remember what your question is. I just got on tangent. Yeah,

Le’Nise Brothers:

No, it should be the PCOS diagnosis. 

Tamara Driessen:

Yeah. So the PCOS, yeah, I think it was about, yeah, it must be about 34, so it’s quite late in age. And I think maybe part of that was like, yeah, my partner and I were talking about conception, and I was just getting more educated into that because maybe I guess it hadn’t happened to that point. So I was like, okay, what’s going on? Why hasn’t it happened? But again, very naive and ignorant to what I needed to be paying attention to.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So you got the PCOS diagnosis and then it was a new journey of understanding what does this mean? What symptoms do I have? And then you mentioned earlier about anovulatory infertility. So say more about what that is. 

Tamara Driessen:

So also I think part of, I feel like I need to say when I went and when I had the diagnosis for anovulatory, no, for PCOS, my cysts weren’t that bad. I had the acne, I didn’t have excess body, most of the main symptoms I didn’t have. But weirdly, the doctor, I had the appointment with the doctor, and then she called me back and she was like, actually, yeah, I’ve spoken to my colleague. We are going to put you down as PCOS because I had mentioned wanting to conceive so that she’s like, so that you are in the system and that you can get more investigation and you can get more help into looking that. So I think I was very borderline. I definitely wasn’t on the severe spectrum of PCOS, but I did have heavy, irregular, painful periods and the acne and yeah, they were irregular. And then when I went to, so I’d had to have scans and things like that for that. 

And then when I went to the hospital for the fertility clinic, they did scans, they took my blood test and all of that. And then when we did, it was when the pandemic was just happening. So we went to go to the clinic to get all of our results and get my partner’s results. And the doctor was very just like, you’ve got anovulatory infertility here, take this medication. But there was no one question when you are given this information and you’re like, a waves hit you and then you’re in a bit of a daze. And he prescribed this medication and I asked if there are any side effects. And I was like, well, and he said no. And then as we were leaving, the nurse was like, do you want me to go through your prescription with you? So I was like, yeah, please. Because it takes a lot, especially in situations like that, I just can’t retain or take anything in. And she was like, there are side effects. You will probably feel more emotional, more sensitive, and all of this. And I was like, okay, I need to think about that. I’m not just going to take it straight away because again, in the back of my mind, it’s like if my hormones are in balance, is this not going to potentially throw my hormones even more out of balance in another way? Because she was speaking about the flip side is that you can have, I can’t remember, is it hyperstimulation?

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah.

Tamara Driessen:

So I was like, I don’t want that either because I don’t want to release too many eggs that aren’t healthy or strong or viable. So I came away and then started investigating different options and avenues. And also when I had time to let it settle, I was like, have I even got any eggs to ovulate? Why aren’t I ovulating? Is the fact that I haven’t got any eggs to ovulate part of the issue? Am I perimenopausal all of these questions that I felt like needed answering before I considered taking any medication, I wanted to have a clear understanding of what was going on. So I ended up going to a private fertility clinic where they just did some blood tests and checked to see what was going on.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And so did you find out that, they would’ve tested your AMH level?

Tamara Driessen:

Yeah, they were like, you’ve got loads of eggs, you’ve got, she’s like, for whatever reason, your ovaries are just hoarding them. They just don’t want to release them. But yeah, she’s like, everything else looks good. And from the other investigations that I’d had through the NHS, the lady was like, you’ve got beautiful fallopian tubes every other, oh my gosh, this isn’t the kind of compliment I’m expected to get right now, I’ll take it. So that was really reassuring. But also, I think I spoke to you about this before, on our podcast, I just had this strong calling to figure out how to do it naturally and not take the medication and just get my cycles regular, get them healthy, make sure that, yeah, my hormones were balanced in the right way and in that cleared my acne. So I just felt like it was step-by-step. The acne went and then gradually my cycles became more regular, and then after that my bleed started getting longer and then eventually got pregnant.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Wow. So can you just talk a little bit about some of the things that you did naturally to change your menstrual cycle to start regular ovulation?

Tamara Driessen:

Yeah. So the third thing I started to do was seed cycling, but I felt like I felt I was sleeping so much better for it, and I felt like it was definitely helping me in a way. But then in another way, I can’t remember what happened. I don’t know if my period, it just threw my cycle off in a different way. So I don’t know if the combination of the seeds, there was just something still not quite right for me, but it kind of helped. I can’t remember what was going on with it, but it was great, but not quite right. So I just started having smoothies with all of them in rather than a bit of this and a bit of that, which helped. And I increased my protein, made sure that I was having breakfast every morning, but within the first at least hour, if not two hours of getting up, even if it was just a handful of almonds or a boiled egg or something.

So just really increasing my protein, taking different supplements, and I was having acupuncture and I was doing infrared saunas and just doing, again, very intuitively, what do I feel like my body needs and what am I craving? I started just swimming and exercising more regularly and also just changed the way that I work because I used to work very nocturnally and that is kind of where I feel like I actually work best, but hormonally that is not my friend. So I had to really kind of get stripped of how I was working and not be working until one o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock in the morning anymore, and really working on resetting my circadian rhythm so that I was more balanced in that way as well. I think that definitely made a difference going to bed before 11 the latest.

Le’Nise Brothers:

What’s really interesting is what you’re saying about the power of these quite small shifts and what they were able to do for your health, but also the connection that you had with your body and what your body, the signals that your body was giving you. And it’s really interesting because we do hear a lot of talk about intuition, and I call them signals and signs from the body, but I wonder a lot of what it is about disconnection that we have with our bodies. Can you just talk a little bit about how you were able to build that connection and because intuition is part of the work that you do. So this builds on our conversation a little bit. Someone’s listening and thinking intuition, signals, I just feel totally divorced from that. How can they reconnect?

Tamara Driessen:

I think it’s just becoming an observer simply for how you are feeling or how you are responding to different situations or the signals that you’re giving your body is giving you, whether it’s anxiety, whether it’s bloating, whether it’s a headache, whether it’s exhaustion or whether it’s not being able to say, being really tired, but then actually when you go to bed, not being able to go to sleep and not just being, like I said, just observing, oh, what did I have today? What did I do differently? Or what have I been doing consistently? That could also be a contributing factor. For me, sometimes I would be like, oh yeah, I’ll get back into having a matcha latte and I can have one matcha latte and it doesn’t affect my sleep. And then I’m like, oh, it hasn’t affected my sleep. That’s fine. I can have a matcha latte every day now.

And then I’m like, oh my gosh, my sleep’s been terrible. I haven’t been able to get sleep. What’s going on? It’s like, oh yeah, it’s crap. The matcha latte has crept back in. And actually it isn’t ideal for me to have it regularly or whether it’s caffeine again, whether it’s my cycles, whether looking at my blood when I first started to bleed and things like that, what that looks like, and knowing again, those signals and those signs, your body is literally, there’s clues to what’s going on or tracking your cycle, that’s something that you encourage. It seems so basic and it’s the easiest but hardest thing to commit to sometimes, but it just pays off because then you just get to know yourself and how you feel and just those little things of like, oh yeah, when you start to track your cycle, you’re like, oh yeah, I feel like day one.

Yeah, the world is ending. Everything is terrible. And I remember, not this month, but last month, I remember being like, I was on day one and I was like, I had so much I wanted to do for work, and I was voice noting my friends so frustrated. I was like, I’ve got so much to do. But I was like, I’ve just come on my period and the day before I’d broken my little finger at soft play and my friend was like, everything is telling you to slow down and stop. You’ll feel so much clearer and so much better after a couple of days, just rest day, rest tomorrow, and then you’ll start feeling better. Because I’d made this comment, I was like, oh my God, that was so efficient at the hospital. I was only in there for an hour and I was hoping I’d get some more time for myself.

I’d gone and be like, I’m going to be there for ages. It’s a little finger. They won’t care. They’ll keep me waiting for so long, downloaded loads of stuff. And I was like, oh, I didn’t get to watch any of it. My friend was like, look, you just need some downtime. You don’t need to work, you don’t need to push through. It is not getting you anywhere. It’s just making you feel more and more frustrated. So I think, yeah, just basically track and get to know how you feel on those days. Or go back to say if you were on a certain day on your period, go back to that date or the conversations that you were having with your best friend in WhatsApp. What were the themes going on? Like you said, it’s the clues and the signals. It’s just paying attention and listening to yourself because what we are saying is giving us all the information or just, yeah, if I’m really saying like, oh yeah, I’m so tired, or I’m so exhausted, or I’m so frustrated, or I feel like I could do anything, I’m so confident and so inspired. There’s so much correlation to our cycles that we don’t give enough credit to, I think, and we don’t work with enough to take care of ourselves.

Le’Nise Brothers:

It feels very much like we’re so external, we’re so focused on us being out in the world, and when we start to tune in to, well, what’s going on in my body? What are the signs, what are the symptoms? Because our body gives us so much information, but also just that gut instinct that we get and your body, there’s something really primal and innate that is happening in our body and that gut instinct. There’s a reason why the gut is called the second brain, and somehow we learn to ignore that. But there’s a reason why you get a certain instinct about a person or you’re in a situation and your gut is saying, I need to get out of here. And can you talk a little bit more about that part of intuition, thinking more about the work that you do and how we can reconnect with our intuition in that sense? 

Tamara Driessen:

I think slowing down, I’ve got a private podcast intuition series that I’ve created called Intuition Mode, and I talk about this so much. You have to slow, slow down to speed up in a sense, because it’s the little things when we’re in a rush, when we’re trying to get somewhere, we miss, oh, that new cute coffee spot or bakery or that flower and those things, we’re in such a hurry to get to the next thing or to the next place or to the next person that we are missing what’s going on right here. And I do really advocate for some kind of regular meditation practice. It doesn’t necessarily have to be every day. It doesn’t have to be sitting down clearing your thoughts because for some people, a lot of us that is quite unachievable, but it could just be journaling or going to a yoga class or going for a massage.

It’s just having a bath where you are just in silence, where you can just be or listen to music if silence is too loud. But in those moments, when we allow ourselves to just be, that’s when we start to feel those feelings and those sensations in our, how’s my body feeling? Oh, yeah, it feels really heavy. When I went for my massage a few months ago, it wasn’t until I laid out, I was like, oh my God, my shoulders are by my ears. In that moment, in that pause, we are like, oh, yeah. And it didn’t take me long to recognise it. It was just like, yeah, because in that space, and I think that when we create those moments for ourselves, that’s when we start to notice and get those clues. But when we’re in this unconscious, frantic energy of got to do this, got to do that, and so up in our heads, that’s kind of where the disconnection really, really happens. It’s like, how can we feel more connected within our bodies? But I know for some people that doesn’t feel safe either to connect with themselves or they’re scared of what’s going to come up, but it’s like, how can you just be in your favorite place, have a nice cup of tea, or just a pause, whatever that looks like and feels safe for you? Because I think safety is also part of it. When we feel safe, that’s when we open up in our relationships to ourselves, to the world, to nature, to spirit, to all of it. And I think creating that safe space to open up I think is really important.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah, bodily safety, physical safety, emotional safety is so powerful. And when we’re living so externally, we get used to, oh, well, this is how I’m supposed to feel. I’m supposed to live with my shoulders up against my ears, feeling so stressed. And as you say, when you take that pause, you realise, well, actually, this doesn’t actually feel right for me. So just kind of going on to talk more about the work you do, because as you say, you’ve made this shift into working in alternative healing or just healing, to be honest, we don’t have to call it alternative. Yeah, it’s just healing. And you’re also an author. You’ve written two books. Talk a little bit more about the work that you do around helping people find their purpose and manifest their dreams, because that’s such an interesting word, manifestation. I still struggle to get my head around it a little bit because I just doesn’t connect with me. And I know there’s probably a different way to put it, but talk a little bit about what manifestation is and what you do with it.

Tamara Driessen:

So manifestation in the simplest way is making things a reality. We are manifesting all the time, even what do I want for dinner? And then making it is a form of manifestation, but the way that there are so many different types of manifestation. There’s conscious manifestation where we are literally following through on a plan. We’re like, yep, I want to do this, I want to do that. And then there’s unconscious manifestation where we maybe have some fears that are then unconsciously leading the way, but then that’s manifesting a certain situation or an outcome because that’s influencing us more than we. And then we have spontaneous manifestations where you have a conversation or you think of something and then it just happens. There are so many types of, I think of different types of manifestation that people don’t talk about. I think a lot of people when they think about manifestation is think positive, visualise that thing that you want and it will come to you.

Or just writing checks to yourself, to the universe and thinking positively and being in the vortex or being in the vibration or the frequency of what you want. But I think that it is simpler, but also more complex than that because we all have different belief systems. We have different experiences, different hopes and dreams, and living in very different circumstances. So that’s all influencing our manifestation process. And the way that I speak about and teach it, what we are manifesting is the bigger picture. So when you’re coming out of your mundane, like, oh yeah, your everyday life, how do you really want to live? How do you want to feel in your life? Looking at manifestation from that perspective. But also because I was saying our manifestation processes are really such a unique process, a lot of people will teach it. Yeah, create this vision board or write your ideal day.

And I have encouraged that because those do work, but they don’t work for everyone because we all receive information differently and we all process and integrate and live information, the information that we’re receiving differently. But my view is very much really feeling into your intuition rather than what should I be doing? Because that can be a block sometimes when we’re not honest with ourselves. We are manifesting something, but it’s not what we really want or there’s a lot of fear behind it. So really coming back to our intuition and really digging deep to firstly, giving ourselves permission to want what we really want and getting clear on how we want it. Because also, there is this often this either or I want this, but if to have this, then it’s got to look like that, or I’ve got to sacrifice this, or it’s got to be really hard, or I’ve got to spend all of my money and I don’t have any money.

All of these things where we just overcomplicate it and the way that I guide people back to their own manifestation processes, like I said, that permission slip first and foremost, but also listening to ourselves, how do we want to make it happen? What feels good? Rather than, for example, someone wanting to date, but hating dating apps, that whole thing. Okay, well open up to your manifestation process, connecting with the universe, or spirit or your higher guides or whoever it is, and calling in that support. But doing it your way as well, I think is so important. And again, our intuition is pulling us here. It’s like, oh yeah, phone that person or meet up with that friend maybe, or don’t go there, or Why don’t you pick up this book that’s just caught your eye. It is really following your own breadcrumbs rather than this manifestation teacher says, I’ve got to be positive, and really I’ve just, I’ve got a parcel of the tests, and if I don’t, then it’s not going to happen. I think it’s very much, it’s a lot more human and a lot more real than that.

Le’Nise Brothers:

That’s really interesting about it being a really proactive process. It’s not like you’re saying, I want this, and then you’re just waiting for it to happen. It can be quite conscious, and I think I’ve probably been doing it and just calling it something different. I actually have a really interesting example of that where in 2018, I went to this Lululemon event, and they didn’t call it manifestation, but it’s basically what you have just described where they said, write down what you want to do in the next year. And so I wrote down all of these things and I actually found the bit of paper. I was cleaning up my office over the Christmas holidays and I found this bit of paper, and it was like, write a book, start a podcast, do much more public speaking. And it was like, tick, tick, tick. Yeah.

Really interesting. The idea of actually just sometimes it’s writing it down for me, it’s writing it down, seeing it, and just embedding that thought in my mind. It’s not telling me exactly how to do it, but it’s even just having that thought and just thinking that’s actually a possibility for me is a really interesting one.

Tamara Driessen:

Definitely. I think there’s so many different, I think that is the seed is this is what I want, the vision or the intention or the goal, and then it’s the alignment piece, whether you are consciously doing it or not. Sometimes, like you said, you’re just embedding that and then your subconscious is receiving that, and then all of your actions are supporting that to come to fruition. And sometimes I think that that’s better rather than it bit when we’re too attached, I think we can push it away when we’re like, I want this, I want this, I need this. I need this next week. That can actually push it away. And I think sometimes, not sometimes, all the time, that a level of non-attachment is so powerful to really help it come out in a way that it needs to happen as well.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Okay, interesting. So non-attachment, being like, okay, this is something that I would like to do, but I’m not going to attach any emotion to it. It is, and I can see what I can do to make it happen, but it isn’t  the be all and end all. That’s really interesting. 

Tamara Driessen:

And also just being, I think making your life feel comfortable now. Because a lot of people, the energy that comes into manifestation is, I feel frustrated, I feel alone. I feel abandoned, I feel disappointed. So it’s like right out trying to escape ourselves, escape our own situation. And I think that there is so much power in finding peace in your here and now to allow that non-attachment to happen. It’s like my life feels good. I’m making my day to day feel amazing, and anything else is a bonus. I think that that’s where the non-attachment, it is so hard sometimes you really, I know that even when we were trying to conceive and on a level, I was like, yeah, if it happens, it happens. It’s good. But actually when I realized it subconsciously, my actions were not chill. They were not, I was like, oh yeah, it’s right. Getting annoyed with my partner for drinking too much was not me being chill and non-attached, even though I was saying I’m so non-attached and realizing how can we really heal those parts of ourselves and have awareness can make such a difference? Because again, we’re human. I really don’t believe in faking it till you make it and being like said.

We have these tells. We are not fully behind what we are saying. And there is so much magic where we just, like I said, being at peace with where we’re at now, being at peace with that situation is when we are, I mean, magnetic is such a buzzword around manifestation, but it helps us really align and receive what we want. I think finding that abundance in where we are and acceptance as well.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah, I really like what you said about how can you make the life that you have right now as enjoyable as something you want to be in? Because I think a lot of time, and I think social media can force this, we do a lot of future tripping. My life will be better when X, Y, or Z happens, but you only have this moment. This moment is fleeting, and then we go into the next and the next. So something about just the idea of being present is really powerful. And I do talk about this a lot in my yoga classes enjoying being in the present and not future tripping or ruminating on things in the past. And it’s easier said than done, but that idea of enjoying the present, it’s a gift. I know it’s cheesy to say stuff

Tamara Driessen:

Like that, but they call it the present for a reason.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I literally said that in my class yesterday, and I was trying not to laugh, but it is really interesting because then if you think about, this is something I do a lot, is I think about, okay, what would the Le’Nise of five years ago think about what I’ve got going on now? And I think she would think, that’s cool what you’ve done. Yay, keep going.

Tamara Driessen:

I think she’d think more than, that’s cool. You can pin it down.

Le’Nise Brothers:

But I think we are really powerful beings and we forget that. 

Tamara Driessen:

And we just have so much more control of our lives than we acknowledge and claim, I think for sure. And that is part of it. And I think some people are like, yeah, but I just don’t like my current situation. Just do a little, I’ve had to learn this a lot from being on maternity leave, and I am in such an adjustment in the period with Bodhi being 18 months old, trying to figure out how I can work around him, all of that. And there’s so much surrender, but also the acceptance is what’s helping me. It’s rather than being focusing on what I can’t do, it’s focusing on what I can do and bring those moments of abundance into the day and appreciation and all of that, I think makes such a difference, even it’s a nice coffee, a treat.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And just to carry on that thought, you’ve been quite open on your social media about this process that you’ve been going through about relearning what your working life looks like and how, well, actually, I can only really do deep work on Saturdays and everything happens around nap times, and I totally relate to that. When my son was your son’s age, it was planning everything around nap time, studying, and it was really hard. But these are seasons of life, and we’re going through cycles and things will change. But talk a little bit about for you where you would like to go next, if you’ve allowed yourself to think about what’s coming up next for you or anything like that.

Tamara Driessen:

So in all honesty, I haven’t got a clue, and I’m really having to lean into the discomfort of that at the moment because the work that I do, it is creative in a sense. I have the tools that I use, the tarot and intuition and manifestation. They’re my pillars. But I’ve always created courses and workshops and experiences around that. And at the moment, nothing is coming through for my next thing. And I’m just like, what is it? And I kind of realised I just had a week away in, and I was talking to my friend and I was like, maybe I could do a massage course. Maybe I could do flower remedy course, maybe cut this. And then I actually sat back and I was like, I’m just grabbing whatever. I’m not just accepting if I know intuitively how my intuitive intuition works and that if it’s not coming through, just trust that it will come through at some point.

But the more that I try and chase after an answer or information or an idea, it just doesn’t work. And whenever I do something, because I’m doing it for the money, it just doesn’t work for me that it ends up being, nothing’s ever a waste of time. I know, and there’s always a lesson to be gained out of it. But whenever I’ve been like, oh my gosh, I need some money. I need to put on an event or a workshop or a moon ceremony, it just doesn’t land the same way that something does when it comes through really intuitively. So rather than it being should led or that should work, or I’ve done that before and people liked it when it’s something that hasn’t come through me viscerally and I’m lit up by it and yeah, go, go, go. If that’s not happening, then it could be a waste of time for me.

And especially, I’m so aware of that now where my time is so limited where I’m working around Bodhi and we haven’t got any other childcare at the moment. So I’m having to accept working with what I’ve got, the time that I’ve got, being realistic with that, and also trusting that if the idea for my next thing, like tarot, like I said, I know what my fundamentals are, but how I present them other than tarot readings and Intuition Mode and my podcast, Another Phase, which I brought back. Apart from that, I don’t know what is next it, yeah, like I said, I’m having to really lean into the discomfort and acceptance, but since I have been leaning in the acceptance, I am getting drip fed little clues, and again, I’m having to really trust and not run off with those things and feel into that slowness as well.

Interestingly, I pulled a tarot card for myself for the year ahead, and it was the Knight of Pentacles, and I was actually reading what I’d read for myself for that earlier on, maybe earlier on this week. And it was just, yeah, about working with what you’ve got, things happening a lot slower than I would like, I would expect. And being an architect. So what I’m really in this process of reconstruction, I don’t know what that looks like. It’s like I’ve just pulled my house down, whether that was from having a child and making that decision, and I’m rebuilding and I’m in that bit of where my wall is going to go, what’s happening? I run out of money. Can I afford to do this? That’s where I’m at right now. And the more that I lean into that and accept that rather than try and force myself to be the version of me what didn’t have a child that had all the hours and time and spare cash to invest in things, really making friends with this version and this season that I’m in at the moment.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I really relate to what you’re saying because I remember having to go through that same process and actually having to really grapple a lot with envy. So seeing people around me who didn’t have children and could live, their time was completely their own. And when as your children grow up, they have different levels of need. Right now, it’s very much about a physical need, but now my son is nearly 11. It’s very much emotional, the needs, and being able, I love what you said about being an architect and rebuilding, because I think that’s really powerful when you remember that the version of you that was there before you had a baby, that’s gone. You are a different version of you, and that’s okay. And you are architecting what that looks like now, what your life looks, your working life looks like now, and you’re probably more productive in that time that you have. 

Tamara Driessen:

Yeah, it’s amazing. I used to procrastinate so much, and the amount that I get done in the time, I’m like, who am I? There’s no stopping this. It’s like go, go, go. And so again, when I know that I’m in that energy, that’s when I know it’s right. If it’s clunky, I know that I’m forcing it as well. And that just is not efficient for me either.

Le’Nise Brothers:

What’s one thought you’d like to leave listeners with today? We’ve talked a lot about manifestation, we’ve talked about intuition, we’ve talked about architecting your life. What do you want listeners to go away with?

Tamara Driessen:

I guess maybe just the lesson that I’m really living at the moment and have been living for a while, that just acceptance piece. How can we make peace and accept where we’re at and make it comfortable, make it nice. We might not be where we want to be yet, but that is built on the now and us feeling good in ourselves and feeling connected to ourselves and in our relationships and to the work that we’re doing and all of that. And I think that, yeah, there’s so much power and acceptance, but the culture that we’re in, it’s about, like you said, envy and comparison and not accepting what we’ve got. It is, it should look like this. And something that has been coming out to me is I see other women with children that are like, oh my God, she’s doing this. She’s like, Why? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do all these things? But it’s like we’re in such different situations that comparison is such a trickster because it really disconnects us from ourselves. But when we accept ourselves exactly as we are or accept what we need in the moment, actually I need to rest or I need to have a nap with my baby I did the other day. When we really just accept what we need I think there’s just so much power in that. Then the next breadcrumb appears, the next dot connects rather than us trying to chase something else that actually isn’t meant for us in this moment.

Le’Nise Brothers:

That’s so powerful. I really love that. Where can people find you?

Tamara Driessen:

People can find me on Instagram at @tamaradriessen_ and then I’ve got my website, which is tamara dreissen.com, which I’m sure will be in the show notes. And then, yeah, I’m available for tarot readings. And if anyone wants to learn more about intuition and manifestation, and I’ve got my private podcast, which is, it’s a hybrid, private podcast slash audio course where people can learn, but there’s also practices, and it’s a pep talk. It’s a bit of everything for learning how to connect with your intuition and use it to manifest the reality that you really desire. And then I’ve brought back my regular, my OG podcast, Another Phase.

And yeah, I’ve completely changed my approach around that, which was amazing because through my intuition was telling me, bring back Another Phase. And I was just so in my head, I was like, oh, I just haven’t got time. I haven’t got the resources, all of that. But I had an incredible human design meeting with someone called Mads Williams who was like, do it your way. Do it when you want to do it. Release it whenever, anytime. You don’t have to have a schedule. And I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Again, it’s accepting my situation and working with what I’ve got. And so yes, I brought it back and it feels better than ever. So yeah, there’s that as well.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Amazing. And all the links will be in the show notes, so I encourage everyone to check that out. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today, Tamara.

Tamara Driessen:

Oh, thank you. Honestly, it’s just such a treat to talk to you as always. 

Period Story Podcast, Episode 89, Rebecca Moore: Radical Self-Care

My guest on today’s episode is Rebecca Moore, a breathwork and yoga teacher, spiritual guide and author of the new book Radical Self-Care: Rituals for Inner Resilience

In this episode, Rebecca shares: 

  • Healthy ways to get your daily D.O.S.E (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins)
  • The importance of rituals 
  • The sacred morning ritual that she always starts her day with 
  • Why self-soothing isn’t just for children
  • How to do one of the self-soothing rituals, bhramari breath 
  • Why we all need radical self-care
  • The importance of knowing your limits and setting clear boundaries 
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Rebecca says that it’s so important that create space for ourselves, where we can just give ourselves permission to be as we are, without feeling the need to better ourselves or fix ourselves in some way. 

Thank you, Rebecca!

Get in touch with Rebecca: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__rebecca__moore/

Website: https://www.rebecca-moore.com

Her book: Radical Self-Care: Rituals for Inner Resilience


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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers:

Hi, Rebecca. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. I’m really excited to speak to you, to talk about your book, to talk about the amazing work you do, but let’s first start off by you telling us the story of your very first period.

Rebecca Moore:

Yeah, sure. Thank you again for having me. So I had to really think about this question because I couldn’t remember at first when my first ever period was. I was kind of like, wait, when was that? And it really took me back to just the memories of having my period and all of the challenges around that time when it was, I don’t know, I just felt quite alone in it. I do remember though, sharing with my mum that I’d started to bleed and my mum gave me some pads. She also gave me some tampons, and she explains the way that you can try to use these tampons is to have a mirror and use a mirror, and it just seemed really hard and scary. So I just remembered that I kind of put the tampons to the side, but began to use the pads. So I remembered that about my first period. I remember feeling quite alone in it, even though I did feel open enough to mention it to my mum. I didn’t feel like there was really anyone else to talk to about it. And aside from my mum giving me some pads and telling me how to put in a tampon, I probably could have asked her more questions around it, but I didn’t. I think I was very shy as well at that age.

Le’Nise Brothers:

How old were you?

Rebecca Moore:

13.

Le’Nise Brothers:

13, okay. Yeah. And what about your friends had they started as well?

Rebecca Moore:

So when I first began to bleed, I actually didn’t know of anyone else that was bleeding at the same time. And what I do remember is eventually it sort of was a gradual process of me finding out that other people were also, other friends were also on their periods. And the interesting thing about that is from my memory, it was more so from noticing other girls leaking in class in school and thinking, oh, she’s bleeding too, rather than a conversation that was being had amongst friends.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So you kind of attribute this to feeling shy, feeling like this perhaps wasn’t a conversation to be had. Had you learned about menstruation and all of that in school and PSHME?

Rebecca Moore:

Yeah, I remember there were lessons, but I remember it just being very, I guess it was because it’s so anatomical in the way that they were sharing it. It felt like a disconnect from what I was learning, looking at, for example, a diagram in a textbook to actually feeling what was going on in my body. And even in this moment in reflecting on it, there wasn’t really any conversation around how we would feel emotionally, physically around this whole process of our menstrual cycle. It was more, this is what happens between this day and this day anatomically, but there wasn’t really much in the way of how it would actually feel to have that experience in your body. And I think that’s where the disconnect really came from.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Were you ever in a place, or have you gotten to a place where you feel more connected and you kind of understand that emotional side, not just the physical side of the bleed and then the bigger cycle?

Rebecca Moore:

Oh, a hundred percent. So I had my son really young, and shortly after giving birth, I was told that I should go on the pill to avoid getting pregnant again. So I was on the pill through my twenties and I think I came off just before my 30th birthday and it was really coming off the pill. I do hear this a lot, so apologies if it sounds like a repeated story, but it was really coming off the pill and really I guess doing the work to retrieve my natural cycle. And then in that really connecting to the natural process of my body. And in the time that I have moved, I used to have quite a chaotic lifestyle. I used to run a fashion and arts magazine and it was constantly go, go, go. And it was very much ignore the body. We’ve just got work to do.

So I think when that shifted as well, it kind of coincided with coming off contraception. And during that time I was getting to know my body more anyway. I was recovering from burnout, and it just got to the point where I couldn’t really ignore my body anymore. I didn’t want to. And from that point, I started to really pay attention to my cycle and when I was bleeding, when I was ovulating, how I was feeling during the whole process. And now I’m completely obsessed. I talk about my bleed all the time. I probably jar a lot of people, but I think it’s such a gift to be able to have that connection with our bodies. And our bodies are a gift. It’s a miracle that we’re alive in these bodies. So my feelings around it have definitely shifted massively.

Le’Nise Brothers:

That really touched me what you just said about our bodies are a gift. It’s a miracle that we’re alive in these bodies. That really touches me because there are so many different ways in this world that we can be disconnected. The technology on the surface, ostensibly it’s about connection, but really if you think about how we use it, social media, it can be so disconnecting in, disconnecting us from ourselves, how we actually feel and people using it as a tool for just these artificial dopamine hits. And I’m skipping ahead a little bit in the questions that I want to ask you, but this kind of in your book, which we’ll talk about in more detail in a second, you do talk about healthy ways to stimulate these four big chemicals. So dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins, and you call it your daily D.O.S.E. And I think it’s so, so important because we know that Instagram is basically like, it’s like a casino for artificial dopamine hits. Can you talk a little bit more about natural ways, healthy ways to get what you call your daily dose?

Rebecca Moore:

Yeah, sure. And yeah, I love that you’ve touched on this because I was actually having a conversation with someone earlier in the week and saying, I really noticed a shift in my energy when I go online. So I have a very, very sacred morning practice. It’s just time and space for me to be in my own energy after waking up, before I launch myself into the world and even checking my phone at whatever point that I do. When I finish my practice, even if I receive a nice message or I go on Instagram and see beautiful comments, there’s still a shift, a noticeable shift in my energy. So I just wanted to share that because it’s been a topic this week. But yeah, there’s so many ways that you can get your daily D.O.S.E. For me, being in the body is such a big one. So it’s not always comfortable to be in our bodies and I want to acknowledge that. But actually just sitting with that kind of concept that we are, like I said, literally living in a miracle, even if I’m achy or in pain, just connecting to that, it creates this feeling of interconnection and you can take it a step further. And things like physical touch. So something as simple as rubbing your own ears. We have so many nerve endings in our ears, so that literally sends happy signals around the body breathing as well. Deep breathing.

There are so many different ways to stimulate our vagus nerve, which is responsible for putting us in a restful state. Things like humming, it’s so simple. I grew up hearing my mum’s humming and singing around the house. It’s really beautiful actually because my 4-year-old niece has taken it up now she’s always singing and humming. Now she spends a lot of time with my mum. But humming it creates that vagal nerve stimulation that sends those kind of just restful, calm signals around the body. Another big one for me, which is it’s become almost like a non-negotiable, is getting out into nature, being in nature. I was walking in the park a couple of weeks ago when the weather was less rainy, and I noticed this woman come to a point in the path and she took her shoes off and she started walking down this path really slowly barefoot.

And it really filled me up to see that. And it actually also gave me permission just recently moved to this new area. And previously I was in a space that had a garden. So I would go out all the time with my bare feet and connect to the earth, but I hadn’t quite got to the point of being brave enough to do it in a public park. But seeing this other woman do it completely gave me permission. And also connection, real authentic connection with others. And that doesn’t even necessarily have to be family or friends. It’s like when you catch the eyes of someone and they’re smiling or you smile and they smile back, that fills you up. So yeah, there are many different ways to get your daily D.O.S.E. Yeah, I hope that answers your question.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah, it really does. One of the things you mentioned was around touch. And something I noticed coming out of the pandemic in my classes, my yoga classes, is that people, they seemed quite touch starved and especially those who lived on their own or perhaps living with people who were just out of the house quite a lot. And something that I brought into my classes and I still do, is this, at the end, we all kind of open our arms out wide and then we give ourselves a big hug. And I always ask my students to hold it for at least 10 to 20 seconds because that the longer you give yourself a hug, that touch you’re stimulating oxytocin production, which is our hormone of love, and we feel that release and it’s so calming for the nervous system. And I absolutely love that because you look around in the class and you can just see the shift in people’s faces from just this tight holding of the face and you can see the softness come onto the face and I just adore it.

You also mentioned the humming, and in your book you talk about self-soothing, which is another really powerful way of releasing these chemicals that we’ve talked about, the daily D.O.S.E. And I think it is going back to what we talked about earlier, we talked about these unhealthy ways that we access dopamine, serotonin, but self-soothing is something that can be so powerful. And you see actually, when you see people out in the world, you see them, the effects of not being able to self-soothe, with people shouting or just having these really strong reactions. And I think back to when my son was a baby and you hear, oh, they need to learn to self-soothe and let them cry and they need to learn to self-soothe. And that never, ever really sat right with me because I just thought, well, we have to teach them. They don’t just learn. Crying isn’t a way for them to learn how to soothe and calm their nervous system. And we talked about humming and you mentioned Bhramari breath, which is the kind of bumblebee breath in the book. Can you talk a little bit about that as a self-soothing technique and some other rituals that we might be able to use to self-soothe?

Rebecca Moore:

Yeah, sure. So bhramari pranayama, it’s a beautiful technique and it’s actually something that I share a lot with kids when I do work with kids because it’s fun. And I think equally actually sharing it with adults because it’s something that takes away, I think I get people out of taking themselves too seriously when I start talking about this breath that’s like a buzzing bee, but it is an incredible technique. So it just really involves the name bhramari actually means black bee and it involves taking a deep breath in and then humming the breath out or buzzing the breath out. And you can do it just buzzing the breath out, or you can do it whilst you’re blocking your ears. That kind of increases the vibration that you feel. And you can also do it blocking your eyes and your ears. But it’s a really great one again, for, as I mentioned before, that stimulating the vagus nerve and ascending signals to your brain that you can relax, it’s safe to relax and let go. It’s really grateful, calming anxiety.

There are times where I have been completely thrown into my sympathetic state, where I’ve been. Life isn’t without challenges. There’ll always be things that throw us off and I will literally just sit there blocking my eyes, blocking my ears and practice this technique, bhramari pranayama because it’s also like a reset. So it’s a really, really incredible self-soothing tool. You mentioned the self hug, which I love. I had a situation where I was on a train out of London, out of my comfort zone, and me and my friend, we were going on this kind of retreat and we had all of our luggage all up on the shelves, and we hadn’t realized that when the train got to the station that we were supposed to get off, we didn’t have that much time to actually grab our luggage and get off. And she ended up getting off and I just missed the door and the train was just moving.

And she was kind of like, what do we do? I was like, I don’t know. And I had such a kind of intense, stressful reaction. I was shaking, and I knew that in that moment all I could do was just wait until I got to the next stop. No idea whether that would be 10 minutes away or an hour away. Thankfully it was only 10 minutes away. But on the train, that’s quite a long stop. And when I got off, the first thing I did before going to ask anyone or figure out what to do next was give myself a hug so that I could just calm myself down. And I like what you mentioned about this act of giving yourself that affection, that release also of oxytocin and the softening that comes with that. I was then able to make an informed decision. I was then able to, I was best resourced then to figure it out. So I think that’s a big thing with self-soothing as well. It’s another big benefit where if we’re thrown off, it doesn’t, it doesn’t fix the situation necessarily, but it makes us better resourced to be able to deal with it.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So this kind of leads us quite nicely to just get into the book itself. So your first book, so it’s called Radical Self-Care Rituals for Inne Inner Resilience. So this is coming out this summer, it’s not already out, is it?

Rebecca Moore:

So it’s actually out this week. The 11th of July is the official publishing date.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So it’s coming out this week. It’s such a beautiful book. I encourage everyone to get a copy of it. I absolutely adore this book. It’s so practical, beautiful illustrations, and it’s not overwhelming in any way. You can dip in and out of it as you need. Can you just talk about what you mean about by radical self-care?

Rebecca Moore:

Sure. So for me, self-care, when I used to think about self-care, I used to think about it as something that I have to earn or something that I get to enjoy on my days off whenever they would come. And I would also connect self-care. I saw the way that it was commercialised and commodified a lot. So I would also associate it with having to spend lots of money, going away on retreats, all of which are amazing, amazing things. If you’re privileged enough to do that, it’s incredible to be able to get away and to disconnect. But there was something that I noticed where I would go away. For me, it was because I love training and learning new healing modalities. And for me, that feels like a retreat, even though it can be quite hardcore.

But then coming back to what I call real life, your usual routine and finding it really difficult to implement the things that either even the kind of long bubble bath, that’s the kind of stereotypical self-care, and I love baths, I love them so much, but the reality is I don’t always have time for a long indulgent bath. And what I realized is when I’m the busiest, the busiest, busiest, busiest where I don’t feel like I have these long extended periods of time spare, it’s also when I need self-care the most. It’s also when I need to take the most exquisite care of myself. And I feel like to have an extremely busy day and still find ways to carve out little pockets of time, it’s a radical act. It is a radical act because just the way that we are kind of, I guess programmed in this modern society to believe again that self-care is something that we need to earn or something that’s an additional thing, an additional indulgence.

But it’s not an indulgence for me. It’s not, it’s literally like you wouldn’t say brushing your teeth as an indulgence. And in that same way, I wouldn’t say that self-care is an indulgence. It’s something that we all need more of. And again, it’s something that we need to practice even when, especially when we’re the most busy. And I think it’s a radical act because everything around us is telling us to place our attention elsewhere. So it’s a radical act to actually bring that attention back to ourselves and be honest about how we’re feeling and what we need. And in doing that we can understand, better, understand what we need to most take care of ourselves.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Beautiful. I really feel that because it is very radical to be able to stop check in and say, what do I actually need in this moment? Do I need to not react to this? Because it feels like society is just, it wants us to react in so many different ways. So-called real life and then what we do online, digitally, it’s very much about reactions. And to be able to say, well, I actually, that’s not what I need right now. I need to tune in and really think about what I actually need. And it could be a number of different things. And you have so many beautiful rituals in this book to help you tap into this inner resilience. And I want to ask you about, firstly, what you mean by ritual, and then just to add on to that question, inner resilience. So what do you mean by resilience?

Rebecca Moore:

Sure. So for me, ritual is something that I’m doing with complete attention and intention. So for example, there’ll be times,  I mentioned brushing my teeth. There’ll be times where I’m brushing my teeth and I’m thinking about a million things. I’m thinking about what I have to do for that day or thinking about what I’ve done that day. But there’ll also be times because I really, really try as best as I can to be present with everything. You can make everything a ritual if you want, if you choose. So there are times where brushing my teeth can totally turn into a ritual for me.

So that’s what I mean by ritual. It can be anything. It’s anything that you do with intention and giving it your full attention. That’s kind of my definition. And it’s also obviously connected to the things that you do with attention and intention that you do also with purpose or for a purpose. And that can be anything. So I can have a ritual, for example, that is specific to grounding me, or I can have a ritual that is specific to getting me back in my body if I feel disconnected or I can have rituals for rest. So yeah, there are many different ways you can incorporate that. And the resilience question is interesting because I can be, I used to be very, I still am very hard on myself and can be a bit of a perfectionist, and I’ve really come from a place of thinking that it’s all about being strong and pushing through, and those that get rewarded are the ones that kind of work really hard. And I constantly have to untangle that kind of web of illusion and keep coming back to the truth that I now know and experience, which is all around the theme actually, I’ve been talking about also this week, soft power. So it is when we allow ourselves to soften where we become the most available to receive.

So resilience, the definition of resilience really kind of shifted for me because it’s not about pushing past, it is not about self abandoning or pushing beyond my limits to the point where it’s detrimental to my health. Actually, resilience is about listening to my body. And I guess this is where again, the theme of being radical comes in. It’s like to be resilient is to really honor how I’m feeling above all else, to take the time to check in. And it’s in doing that, it’s like resilience really comes from taking care. It doesn’t come from ignoring your body and pushing. And that’s almost like it creates this false sense of resilience because at some point everything will catch up. You hear those stories of people that go go, and then when they have a moment to relax, all of a sudden they get really ill. So resilience is, for me, in the new way that I define inner resilience, it’s being able to deal with stress whilst also doing your level best to create a life, design a life where you’re not choosing to be in stress consistently, continuously.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I think that’s really powerful because that word choosing to be in stress is really interesting because someone listening might be thinking, well, I don’t choose to be in stress. I just have a lot going on from parents to children to work to hobbies and all of that. But part of that is I think is boundaries. And you talk about in the book the power of being able to say no and being really clear about your boundaries. And I see this a lot, especially when I work with women in their forties where they have so much going on and they would never say, oh, I’m choosing to be in stress. But the choices that they are making or their inability to effectively say no and hold their boundaries continues or persists that stress where it doesn’t feel like a choice, but they saying no, not saying no is a choice that they’re making, and then the consequence is persistent stress. So I think that is such an interesting phrasing and that feels quite powerful for me the way that you explain that.

Rebecca Moore:

Yeah, I think I also want to say that the majority of us are living in a such a state of stress. And because as humans we actually don’t, there’s the whole theory of homeostasis, we don’t like change. So once we’ve got used to a state of being, it’s so difficult to shift out of that state. So actually being, I mean stay with me here, but it’s actually quite possible that for a lot of people being in a state of stress has become more comfortable than being able to relax because it’s just become what they’re used to. And I’ve definitely experienced that where I’ve had, all of a sudden I’ve got this space to just relax, but I want to busy myself. It feels uncomfortable to relax. So it’s something I think that needs to be spoken about more for sure. And there’s no shame in it.

I know that there are certain decisions that I make that aren’t to the betterment of my health and wellbeing, all the time. I was on Instagram late last night, not last night, the night before, and I could hear this little voice saying, you need to go sleep, you need to go to sleep. I was like, oh. But you start to give yourself these kind of excuses. And I was like, this is my only downtime all day. I just want to go and look at some funny memes and just have a little bit of a laugh. But for me, it is really good to just listen to that little voice that’s a lot of the time, a lot more quiet than the kind of voice that tells you all of the reasons why you should be doing this thing that isn’t necessarily that good for you. But yeah, it’s a hard thing to shift because we are creatures of, that kind of resist change, so that’s worth noting as well.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So what would you say to someone who’s listening to this and thinking, I really connect with what you’re saying about this kind of feeling more comfortable in this stressful state. I love having a lot going on, but I know that I need to work on my boundaries. What would you say to someone who is really resonating with that?

Rebecca Moore:

It really is about consistency. That’s how you reprogram and retune. And that’s again why I wrote the book in the way that I did with having these kind of small things, small accessible rituals, practices that you can do consistently that don’t feel like you are taking a huge chunk out of your day or adding something to your already infinite to-do list. But it really is consistency. The more that you choose yourself, the more that you choose yourself, the more that you build all sorts of things, you build a sense of self love, self-worth, you really start to value yourself on a deeper level. And then slowly but surely it will become a lot harder to make decisions that are costing you something or decisions that do feel like you’re abandoning yourself. You really start to recognize that saying no was one of the hardest things that I think I got to implement because I love to please people.

I love to make people happy. I love to see that glimmer in people’s eyes that when you kind of light someone up. But I was doing that. I was taking on a lot in addition to my initial responsibilities, just trying to be everything for everyone else all the time. And it led to all sorts of things, burnout, but also really not being, when you spread yourself so thin, you’re not actually showing up in your fullness. So over time you start to become less and less effective. So yeah, I would say just consistently observing the moments where you may abandon yourself, the moments where you push yourself too far, the choices that you make that may not be necessarily the most helpful in terms of you just being able to maintain a sense of wellbeing. And also I would say to give yourself grace because it’s really easy to start going on a guilt trip or a shaming trip with this as well. We live, this modern world, it really, really requires so much from us and will always meet those challenging moments for some of us that may be so regular that it feels almost impossible to regain a sense of self-care. But it is possible. And I would just say to anyone listening that the smallest micro habits that you can implement into your routine just to remind yourself of how much you value and love yourself will make a tremendous shift.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I love that. I really love that. Something I really connected with in the book was in the conscious rest chapter, and you talk about slowing down your speech, and it’s something I actually, I get a little bit self-conscious about because when I listen back to these podcasts that I record or the content that I create on the internet, especially on TikTok, I notice that I do speak, I try to speak in a really intentional, deliberate way, but I do speak slowly, especially when you look at the way that people speak on TikTok where it’s about being fast and speeding up and just getting to the point and being able to slow down your speech is such an interesting one in a world that demands that we move faster, we go quickly, we get to the next thing. Can you just talk a little bit more about why slowing down your speech is a form of conscious rest?

Rebecca Moore:

Sure. And it’s exactly as you say, we are constantly bombarded at the moment with this almost feels like real, it’s like this pressure to speed up not just our speech, but everything. It’s like everything is running at this pace and it’s that we have to keep up, we have to keep up or we’ll get left behind. I think that slowing down speech specifically is so good for becoming or rebecoming more intentional with our words, becoming more intentional with what we share. I love to take pauses in my speech. I love to take a moment to think, and I find that it means that I am first of all, less trying to just fill the space.

I’m giving myself the opportunity for any words that I’ve received to really land without being overreacting, like just reacting from a surface layer. It’s like allowing things to really land and sit with you. And also just coming back to that, being intentional with your words, you’re more likely to communicate in a way that is more most authentic to you and also most responsible. Often our first reactive communication, the first thought that comes into our head, it’s not always the way that we actually want to respond to something. So slowing down your speech, it moves you away from that kind of more reactive state. You are able to allow something to land or allowing that time to consider something, having time to really feel into what you want to say and the feeling behind your words, the intention behind your words. And it’s a form of conscious rest because it does actually bring you into when you have to be intentional. So for example, if you’ve been triggered by something and you’re in a sympathetic state, if you slow down your speech, if you start to create that pause and feel into what you want to say you’re more likely to react or respond, I should say, from your restful state rather than a reactive sympathetic state.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So the power of taking a pause, whether that’s a physical pause in just not saying anything, or maybe it’s a pause in terms of taking a deep breath and using that as that moment where you collect yourself. 

And what I love what you said there about feeling into what you want to say, because when I teach yoga, and I’ve heard other yoga teachers use this phrasing as well, will you feel into the pose? I think that sometimes people don’t get that. What do you mean feel into it? What do you mean feel into the way that you speak? But it’s such an interesting way of putting it because you’re allowing yourself to get out of your head and move in certainly when you move into pose into the way that a pose, the pose feels best in your body and similar with your speech, taking a beat and just thinking, okay, what is it that I’m really trying to say here? Rather than, as we talked about earlier, just reacting. I just love this. I just love this conversation. I love what you have to say. 

Going back to the book, can you talk more about the kind of nuts and bolts of the process of writing the book? Because as an author myself, I really find it interesting hearing about the experience of other authors and how they put together their books. Can you say a bit more about your experience?

Rebecca Moore:

Yeah, sure. I actually had an amazing experience with writing this book. I did experience imposter syndrome, which is feeling like, who am I to be writing this book and who’s going to listen to what I have to say kind of thing. I think a lot of authors could probably, a lot of people in general probably resonate with that. But for me, it was really incredible because I was writing the book alongside my usual schedule of work, and at some point in the future, I’m calling in that writing gig that allows me to go and spend time in the mountains in Morocco and just completely give my full focus and time to that project. But I didn’t have the pleasure of that for this book. It was really fitting in time to write alongside my schedule. And I remember communicating with friends that I’m just going to need some time.

I’m going to be a little bit antisocial for a month and a bit, but please just know that it’s not personal if I’m saying no a lot during this time. But what was really beautiful for me as well was all of the rituals in the book are things that I practice, but they’re not things that I would practice, you can’t practice 40 different rituals, the amount of rituals in the book, you can’t practice 40 different rituals every single day. But what was really beautiful during the process of writing was using some of the rituals that I was writing about interchangeably during the process to support me in the process of writing the book. So for example, I remember there were two weeks where there was a specific time where I’d have the space to write during the day, and I would start that process with a ritual, and it was the ritual of sitting with tea.

Tea is a big part of my life. I quit drinking alcohol in November 2019, and it was herbal teas and tea that helped me with that process. There’s a saying that you don’t really cure your addictive behavior, you just shift them to a higher state. For me, shifting from alcohol to tea was my thing. But yeah, sitting with tea, for me, it is a ritual that really just brings me into a state of deep peace and it brings my mind into a deeper state of clarity and focus. So that was one of them that really helped. 

Also, I have a ritual in the book called The Wake Up Call. It’s something that I learned through a meridian yoga therapy training I did with an Incredible teacher, Dr. Rosea, and it’s literally just slapping the body, slapping up and down the body to activate through the meridian lines. And for me, that practice is incredible for when I’m writing. And then I got a bit of brain fog and I was just like, oh, no, all just got completely stuck just as a reset to kind of just get the energy flowing. Again, things like just a simple forward fold because when you bring your head below your heart, you get that nice rush of blood to the brain.

So many different things, so many different rituals that actually helped me along the writing process. But also I would say I had to release a lot of perfectionism because I realised that I could have changed. I kept wanting to change the whole book, but at a certain point you just have to decide, no, this is it. This is what wants to be birthed, and we’re just going to honour this. And the other thing I would mention was I think the most challenging thing was the intro because of sharing my story and just, I don’t know, it felt quite vulnerable to share, but also a beautiful process of being able to be vulnerable and put those words onto paper.

Le’Nise Brothers:

It’s such a beautiful book and I really, I just adore it. I can’t wait to just keep coming back into it. The photographs are just so lovely and you just feel just so calm reading it. So thank you for writing the book and putting it out into the world, and I encourage all listeners to grab a copy of it. It’s just wonderful. My next question is, what do you have coming up next? But the book is coming out next week.

Rebecca Moore:

All focus is on the book right now. I’ve also just moved into an amazing live-work space, which has been a dream of mine for a long time. So I’m in a space now where I can hold events and workshops and half day retreats, full day retreats, and all sorts of yummy things. So I’m also putting a lot of focus into that as well. And it’s called Inner Landing because I always feel like I’m trying to land, but also the buildings used to be an old, well back in the day, an aircraft factory, so it just felt very, very fitting. But yeah, full attention on the book and also just the birthing of this space and all of the amazing magic that can be created here.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Great. And what’s one thought that you love to leavr listeners with today?

Rebecca Moore:

I’m going to take a pause. I’m going to honour what I said and take a pause and just feel into it. The thought I would love to leave your incredible listeners is just that it’s so important for us to create space where, create space for ourselves, where we can just give ourselves permission to be as we are. Because in life we are constantly trying to better ourselves or fix ourselves in some way. But just know that wherever you are right now listening, are enough, you are valued, you are loved, you are worthy, and it’s so important for us to create space for ourselves where we can give ourselves full permission to be exactly as we are and enjoy that space and rest into that space and soften into that space.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Beautiful. Where can people get in touch with you?

Rebecca Moore:

So my website is rebecca-moore.com, so you can get in touch with me through my website or you can reach out to me on Instagram. I have a very popular name, apparently Rebecca Moore. So on Instagram I handles @__Rebecca__  Moore, which some people just assume as me trying to be fancy, but it’s not. It was literally the only way that I could get my whole name in there. But yeah, I love people reaching out. So DM me, email me, come to one of my events, come and say hi whenever.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And of course, can they get a copy of the book. And just to reference, the book is called Radical Self-Care Rituals for Inner Resilience.

Rebecca Moore:

So the book should be out in just local bookstores from this Thursday. It’s available worldwide as well. I have a link in my Instagram bio that is geotagged, so it can show you where you can pick it up from your local bookstore.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Fantastic. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today. Congratulations on the book. I love it. And I can’t wait to dive more deeply into it.

Rebecca Moore:

Thank you. Thank you for having me. This is a beautiful way to start my day. I really appreciate it.

Period Story Podcast, Episode 88, Latoya Busumbru: Keep Advocating For Yourself

My guest on today’s episode is Latoya Busumbru, a fibroids and women’s health campaigner and advocate. 

In this episode, Latoya shares: 

  • How fainting and vomiting during her period led her to realise that her menstrual experience was very different to that of her friends 
  • Why it took her over 4 years to receive a fibroid diagnosis 
  • The symptoms that led her doctor to take her concerns seriously 
  • Her negative experience of the copper coil
  • The changes she made to reduce the painful periods and manage the growth of the remaining fibroids 
  • What inspired her to start Womb Bae
  • The campaigning work she’s doing in Ghana to help reduce period poverty
  • And of course, the story of her first period 

Latoya says you shouldn’t shy away from advocating for yourself. She says it’s so important to do your research so that you get the support you need.

Thank you, Latoya!

Get in touch with Latoya:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wombbae/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wombbae

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/latoya-busumbru-1a0912249/

Flow Wellness Ghana: https://www.instagram.com/flowwellnessgh/?locale=GB

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Le’Nise Brothers:

Hii Latoya. Thank you so much for coming on the show this morning. I’m really excited to speak to you, especially given that it’s Fibroid Awareness Month, and I know you have a really powerful story to share. So let’s kick off by you telling us the story of your first period.

Latoya Busumbru:

So my first period actually started in Ghana and I was on holiday. Yes. And it happened in Ghana. I was so shocked. I was about 11 or 12, I think, and yeah, it was just a shock. I was on holiday. So yeah, that’s where it started.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Was it a shock because you were away from home or was it a shock because you just weren’t expecting it at all and you didn’t know what to do?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yes, I wasn’t expecting it and it was away from home as well, so I wasn’t in my comfort zone, shall I say. But my mum was prepared and ready and was like, it’s just normal. We’ve got this. Go and get, we’ll get a pad and everything. And she handed it very well. So it made me comfortable and not so scared of what was going on. I had an understanding anyway that it would come.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So it came in when you were in Ghana, your mum was on hand with lots of different supplies, very understanding. Well, when you actually saw that you had your period, did you know what it was and the fact that it was going to come every kind of menstrual month, so 25 to 30 days or so, and this was something that was going to be happening for at least 40 years?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yes. So my um did say this is not one time only come every month, but you have to write down. So we wrote down the day it came, and we obviously will wait for how long it will last. Then I guess we would count. So she taught me how to do all of those things. So yeah, I had quite a pretty good start of my period.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Okay. So you emphasised the word start there. So this was at 11, and how was your period throughout your teenage years?

Latoya Busumbru:

So throughout the teenage years, I guess it started to get heavy and I started to get pain. But again, I just thought, oh, it’s just normal. You are bleeding down there, in my mind, and you’re going to get a bit of pain. So to me, I thought it was normal. Then as I got older, I guess into my teens, like 16, 17, that’s when I said no, because I started getting symptoms of vomiting and fainting and always going to the medical room. So I knew that my friends are not experiencing this, why am I experiencing this? So it’s clearly not normal. And then I went to the GP to discuss my symptoms and they gave me, they said medication and I had acne at the time. Obviously you’re going through adolescence. So they said, okay, take the pill for your acne as well, and it should help with your periods. And that was around 17.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Okay. And was this a decision that you made yourself or was your mum with you?

Latoya Busumbru:

I think because of the acne was bothering more to be honest than the period. She was like, yeah, just go and see if it will clear your acne. And then obviously getting there and me explaining, oh, I have these symptoms as well with my period, I’m always calling in sick to college and going to the medical room. This is what’s happening to me. So he gave me the mini pill for the acne and the periods. So it was a decision I made just to help my acne and just see if it could help the periods as that’s the advice they gave.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And I want to go back to what you said about your periods they started to get painful. This is before you started vomiting and fainting. And when they started to get painful, you thought that that was normal? Can you talk a little bit about where that idea of pain being the norm for having a period came from?

Latoya Busumbru:

I think in my case, I would ask my friends and some would say, oh yeah, I get period pain. That’s normal. So sometimes it’s like you follow what your friends are saying, but they weren’t experiencing the fainting and the vomiting and they saw me faint and vomit and have to help me. So that’s when I said, okay, you get cramps and everything and people do get cramps. But mine were excruciating pain cramps, not like, oh, little cramps, and I’m ready to go about my day. Mine were being in fetal position in the medical room or being sent home and being in fetal position the whole day at home. So that I knew that, yeah, there’s something not right with me.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And what about your mum and any other female relatives? Did you see them having really painful experiences of their period as well?

Latoya Busumbru:

No, especially my mum. I feel like maybe I was delusional because I was young. I guess she just maybe covered it, but as I’ve gotten older and reached this age, she said she never experienced period pain the way she’s seen me over the years and being helpless and not knowing what to do when I’m crying and we have to call the ambulance and things like that. I did ask her, I said, um, did you ever experience this? She said, no. So it was kind of strange to her why I’m experiencing these symptoms.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Okay. Then, so then at 17 you went to the doctor, you got the pill for acne, but also to help deal with the painful periods. Yes. Did they do any other testing or did they just give you the pill?

Latoya Busumbru:

Just the pill and just say take, at the time it was, Nurofen was used a lot as, yeah, they used to take nen and at that time my dad used to live in America, so he used to bring me things like Advil and stuff like that. I said, this will be a bit stronger, a bit better. So he helped on that side of things, sending me things, and every time I go to America, I’d buy all those medication to bring back to the UK. They were working at the time. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah. So I’m Canadian and I used to use Extra Strength Advil or Extra Strength Tylenol.

Latoya Busumbru:

Yeah, that’s the ones Tylenol too.

Le’Nise Brothers:

With my period. And yeah, they were effective, but I think now using those strong painkillers as a teenager, it’s just too much.

Latoya Busumbru:

It was too much. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Le’Nise Brothers:

You went on the pill and then what was your experience like of your period, or your withdrawal bleed while you were on the pill?

Latoya Busumbru:

To be fair, for three, four years, it was manageable. I wasn’t getting heavy. It was okay. And then I just started, as you get older, you start researching and you start educating yourself about the pill, and you’re like, no, that’s not good. And I was just like, I need to get off this. I need normal periods, so let’s see how this works. As I’ve gotten older, I know when you get older, your body changes and my acne had cleared anyway through again, researching and just not, I was using, there’s a face, a face wash in America. Proactiv. Yes. So I started using Proactive that worked, but then it was giving me, I feel like it was burning my skin. So I think I just was like, I’m done with the medicines and everything. Let me, it’s obviously from within inside me, so I need to tap into me and find out what’s going on rather than always relying on the doctors and all these medications. I have to go the natural way. So I stop the pill around 19, and then my periods were regular and they were more stable after I came off the pill. Obviously when you come off, you get that whole, you bleed a lot just for your body to get right, shall I say. And then from 19 to about 23, I started experiencing pelvic pain, really bad pelvic pain.

I was like, oh my God, it’s come back again. So what is this? Then I took it seriously and I complained to the doctors and they were like, oh, you’ve been experiencing this for a long time, Latoya, it’s normal. I said, no, this is a different kind of pain. Every time I come on my period, I get this sharp pain in the left side. It’s not normal. Then one day I started bruising from that, bruising, I saw bruising and I showed my mum, I said, oh my God, am I internally bleeding? So we called the GP and he said, come in. And then they were like, oh my God, we’re going to refer you to a gynecologist. And at that time I didn’t even know what a gynecologist was. I was like, what the hell? Obviously I’ve had been to the doctors, but I’ve never been referred to a specialist. I guess I’ll say that because it’s just take this and take that and let’s see how it goes and we’ll monitor your period. It was never a referral. I’d taken blood tests because there’s times I would be weak and they’d say it’s my iron. So when they refer me to the gynecologist, they did the scan and she’s like, oh, you have a fibroid. And that was like, what is a fibroid?

No clue.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So it was only, I actually find this quite incredible. So you went on the pill at 17, you went to your doctor about, ostensibly about the acne, but the painful periods were a big issue, and then you then came off of it at 19, and then you started experiencing this pressure for about five or so years, and it was only after that was taking about seven, eight years for them to actually do an ultrasound, give you a referral and do an ultrasound. I find that actually quite crazy. So you found out that you had a fibroid and you had never heard of fibroids before. You didn’t know what they were. So what did they tell you about them and what did they tell you about how to manage the fibroid?

Latoya Busumbru:

So the gynecologist at the time, she was actually a female, and she said, oh, you have a fibroid just casually. I just looked at her and said, what is a fibroid? What is that? I, she said, oh, Black women get it a lot, so it’s normal. She’s like, but it is in your, she called it the pregnancy sac. I’ve always used that term. That was what was said to me. Obviously it’s in the uterus, but she said it’s where if I was to have a baby, it would grow with the baby in the sac within that sac. 

Le’Nise Brothers:

What?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yeah, so they said I had to remove it because it was literally in there growing. Yeah. She said, I definitely, so they asked me, do you want children in the future? And I said, yes. And she was like, yeah, we’re going to have to remove it.

Then in my mind, I was like, my gosh, what is this? And there was no leaflets, Le’Nise, at the time. So this was in 20, I was about 25. So this was in like 2018? No, 2015, sorry, apologies. So early 2015, I had the operation September2 015, and she was just like, yes, you have a fibroid, we’ll send back the information to your doctors and we’ll book in for you to have surgery. And I was just like, so when I got into my car, I just started crying. It was raining as well. I was something out of a movie, and I just put my hands on my steering wheel and cried my eyes out because I went online and it was just reading about fibroids and infertility. So my mind was just an overdrive, like, oh my God, I can’t have children and this has affected me. And then obviously I spoke to my mum and I asked her, do you know what fibroids is?

She looked at me like, no, she has never experienced fibroids. I was like, okay. And then there’s some information that it will tell you that it’s hereditary. And so I think I was literally losing my mind because I was trying to get the education so bad and trying to get all the information. Why have I got it? How comes my mom hasn’t got it? Why has my cousins got it? No one has told me. My aunties on my dad’s side, on my mum’s side. So it was something that I was literally trying to piece together, but I became educated from that day until now that we are here. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I want to go back to what you said about the doctor saying that it was a pregnancy sac. I’ve never heard, I’ve never heard fibroids being explained like that before. So I mean, for someone who’s listening and they’re thinking, I don’t even know what a fibroid is. So fibroids are non-cancerous growths, and they can be on the outside of the uterus within the lining, muscular lining of the uterus and actually within the uterus itself, and they can grow to different sizes. So some can have fibroids the size of a cherry, some can have fibroids the size of a watermelon, but I never heard, I even thinking about it logistically how a fibroid would be in the pregnancy sac. That doesn’t make sense to me.

Latoya Busumbru:

It doesn’t. And even I said it on another podcast and they were like, some of the comments were like, she meant uterus, but I was like, no, that’s what she explained to me. So I’m literally telling everyone that’s how it was explained to me. I know that it was in the uterus, but how it was explained, it’s in your pregnancy sac . And I’m like, okay. So I’ve just taken that aboard with me throughout the years until this day just to say that’s how they explained it.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And you know what? It actually just kind of speaks to the level of education that even amongst doctors that still needs to be done about women’s health conditions, especially what we know about fibroids and actually how common they actually are and them being explained to you like that. It’s just so shocking. 

Latoya Busumbru:

Yeah exactly. So that happened, and then I had the surgery. They even actually canceled my surgery because they said the doctor was going on annual leave or something, and I’m just like, really? I had to wait. It was meant to be actually in July, and then they put, their doctor had to go on annual leave, and then I had it in September. So after that, before that they did say to go on, is it the coil? Is it the non-hormonal coil?

Le’Nise Brothers:

The copper coil?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yes, the copper, sorry, yes, the copper coil. It would help minimise or just help with the flow and everything. So I did say, okay, so which they did during surgery, I think they can do that with obviously your consent. So I woke up, everything was fine, and then within a month, Le’Nise, my body wrapped it badly to the copper coil. I just started feeling sick and getting these palpations near my vaginal area. But every time I’d walk, I’d get a shock and pain and I was like, this is even worse than me experiencing that pelvic pain before I was diagnosed with fibroids. So I went to her, the actual doctor, and I said, I haven’t been feeling well, and I think this is not right for me. They’re like, no, you’ll get used to it. We tell people to try for three months. So I actually did say, okay, I’ll give it a go.

But it was like for two weeks I was still getting that whole palpations, that something was punching me there and I said no. So I went to a clinic and the lady, the doctor removed it, and then after that everything was so much better, obviously from the surgery they removed it, everything was so much better. And then it reached three years, 2018, I was getting the different symptoms, and that was more clots, so the fibroids. So yes, and this process was quick and easy. Went to the doctor, they had seen my medical history and said, okay, you’ve had the surgery before. Let’s see. Let’s refer you back and see what’s going on. So then I had another ultrasound and they said I had about six or seven. They had grown, and the one that was causing the heavy blood clots and giving me blood clots was in the uterine wall.

So that was making me not have, my periods were stagnant. Yes. So I wasn’t having a flow, it was in the way. So that was why I was getting these really clumps of clots the size of a tangerine that was so bad and it made me severely anemic. So when they went, they said, I was like, I was adamant, Le’Nise. I was like, no, I can’t have another surgery. I need to tap into what’s going on. So after the first surgery, I did start researching the type of foods, supplements and things like that. As a kid, obviously your parents give you supplements and everything, but I said, no, I need to really know what’s right. For me, I started just eliminating estrogenic foods, the red meat, the processeed, the dairy. So I started doing that on my own without anyone telling me to see if life would be much better for me.

And it did. I haven’t eaten red meat for the last eight years. Now dairy the same. It can be hard and challenging, but now I know my body. So I started doing the supplements and then I said, I will try and figure it out. But then it got worse over four months. I said, you know what? Let me go back to the doctor. And they said, okay, we’re going to remove most of the fibroids, you have about six. Went there, found out there was eight, but they left two because they were really small and from their explanation, they didn’t want to scar any tissues. They couldn’t get to where they were. So they left the two there, and I’ve just been managing them ever since. So yeah, so then I had the surgery in 2019, November, just before the pandemic hit. I was happy to have that because I know in 2020 a lot of people’s surgeries were canceled. So I was lucky enough to get my surgery before we were on lockdown. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah. So you’ve been on quite a journey with the fibroids and doing your own research, trying to figure out the best approach for you. What made you decide that you had to, it seems like you did a lot of this on your own. Did you feel like you just weren’t getting the information and support from your doctors?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yeah, I remember. I feel like with doctors as well, they’re general. That’s why they’re called GPs, general practitioners. So they can only give me a surface and a little bit about the information because they’re not specialists. But the first doctor wasn’t helpful, but my second doctor, Dr Mayonda. I went to St. George’s Hospital. He’s amazing. He’s retired now and he, he actually gave me great information. I’ll always remember him eat more veggies, eat. It’s not like I had a bad diet, I just didn’t know what was right for my body. Do you know what I mean? So he was very much like, if you want children, hurry up quickly. And it’s like, I’m not just going to find a man, just have children what these fibroids do. And he did say he actually explained, fibroids do grow back. It’s something they’re still trying to research and figure out, even if you have surgery doesn’t mean that’s it.

They do come back and sometimes they say surgery makes it even come back more when you have the surgery. So he was very helpful in that sense. And he just said, just keep reading. There’s so many books out there. So he was very, very helpful and from that day he did that. Anyone that has asked me about surgery and fibroids, I recommended him to them and they will come back and say, oh my gosh, Latoya, Dr. Mayonda was very great. And there was one lady last year and I said, oh, my doctor, I just like Latoya. He’s retired. And obviously I didn’t know. So I was like, oh my gosh, I’m sure his team that has been there that has helped him, they’re a great team, so let’s see if we can help you find. So he was the only doctor that actually really helped me up until now, I guess. So that was 2019. I’m 36 now, so I was like 31. Yeah, yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So when you last had your surgery, you had eight and they left two because they were very small. What sort of monitoring plan do you have in place to see the growth or whether they are growing, of the remaining fibroids?

Latoya Busumbru:

So after that surgery, I literally when I want to say vegan, vegetarian with a little bit pescatarian. So yeah, I literally stopped meat altogether in terms of the chickens and I guess the turkeys, I still wasn’t eating red meat. I got myself a nutritionist in 2022 and we did blood tests and things like that, and she helped me. It was a lot of money, but one of them ones, if I really want something I save and budget for it knowing that’s, yeah, I’m going to pay for that consultation and things like that. So from then, that’s how I’ve been monitoring, and I used to get really bad throbbing pain in my right leg and she said it’s connected, but she said you might have a magnesium deficiency. So we did some tests and I actually did, and that’s why when people asked me about the magnesium, I send them to your page because you are the queen of telling us what supplements help us.

Exactly. She said magnesium, but she never said glycinate. So obviously from watching you in the work you do, I changed it to the glycinate and it’s helped me so much to the point I only take paracetamol now Le’Nise for, I don’t even get cramps because I’ve changed my diet, I’ve got the right supplements that is helping me, and I’m just more in tune with my body and I guess being less stressed because I think I was in a stressful environment as well. I was in a stressful environment in terms of working all the time and studying at the same time. And so I think I was just overworked and stressed and I know that sometimes or more times stress can cause certain diseases and things to come to light. So I think I’ve managed, how I’ve managed the fibroids is managing stress. I’m not getting the symptoms. I used to get four day periods. Now I did go for an ultrasound earlier this year and they said I had three, but they’re tiny. They’re like two centimeters, three centimeters. So I’m actually managing them I guess through my supplement and dietary decisions and just trying to be happy, enjoy life and not be stressed.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I think it’s wonderful how as you say, you’ve been able to tap into the science and signals of your body and you figure it out an approach that works really well for you, and you have this monitoring plan in place, your fibroids, there’s three now, but they’re really small. Something I see a lot on the internet is when you see people talking about fibroids, you see these people coming out and saying, oh, I can help you dissolve the fibroids. I can help you shrink. I can help you get rid of them. As a fibroid and women’s health advocate, what do you say when you see things like that?

Latoya Busumbru:

In the beginning, I was like, oh my God, you can shrink fibroids. You become naive and you become desperate and you’re like, oh my God, how would we do this? So I was like, oh my God, we can do this. But now that I’ve educated myself a bit more and realized some say, oh, it came through my period and it came through, but learning and researching, they’re very hard muscly tumors and sometimes I’m like, how does that come out of you? They’re literally stuck. It’s hard to even sometimes the doctors say removing fibroids can be quite tough because of the muscle is very tough to cut sometimes. So in my mind I’m like, okay. But I just say to the women out there, really tap into yourself and just find a solution. I know there’s people out there that are very desperate, but once you tap into yourself and you start managing, you can actually live with fibroids and even have children as well. They do say, oh, infertility. But I feel like once you start to get your body right, you can have children. So I haven’t got children yet, but I am hopeful now that I know what’s right for my body, that time will come.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And you’ve then now taken your experience and the research that you’ve done and all of the work that you’ve done to find different practitioners to create this brand called Womb Bae, and to help advocate for others and help others learn others with fibroids, learn about how to manage the condition and how to advocate for themselves. Can you tell us a little bit about the advocacy work that you do and the inspiration behind the brand?

Latoya Busumbru:

So I guess the inspiration would be, it started in 2020, the pandemic when we were all quiet and still I’ve always been journaling my journey through fibroids. I don’t know why. I’ve just always been a writer into books from a young age. So I just started writing my feelings and I was like being a therapist to myself. So when I started, I just said, you know what? I needed me when I was young, so let me just put this out. I did my first video and I said, I’m going to talk about fibroids and my journey. And it just from that day in 2020 in May, it’s the best decision that I ever made. And I just started sharing my journey and what I’ve been through. And then other women just started messaging me and oh my God, you’re so resilient, you’re so bold. And in my mind, I wasn’t trying to be bold, Le’Nisee, I just was like, there’s people doing blogs on fashion and fitness, why don’t I just start blogging about fibroids and women’s health, endometriosis, PCOS.

So I do talk about those other conditions as well, as well as PMS and PMDD. So I just started and I just wanted to just advocate, and then I just started getting people wanting me to come on their platforms, talk about my journey, some panel talks, working with brands. So it’s something that’s now such, so passionate to me now, I didn’t think I would get here. I thought it would be just a little thing and oh, I’ll just go to the side. But it’s through everyone’s support, it has become bigger than I imagined, and I just want to continue doing that. And obviously I came back from Ghana in April, and again, I tapped into there ,about the period poverty, it’s so bad. Then the lack of education. So again, that’s the next project that I’m working on. Just maybe do some workshops or gather some ladies who would love to advocate as well to create some workshops out there whilst I’m here. So it’s mainly just here to support and give information and yeah, it’s come from the heart because it’s come from my experience and journey to help them. 

Le’Nise Brothers:

I want to hear more about the work that you’re doing in Ghana, but first I just want to ask you, with the advocacy work that you’re doing around fibroids and other women’s health conditions, have you seen the impact of the work that you do? What kind of stories have you heard from people off the back of the information that you’ve shared?

Latoya Busumbru:

So I do get some testimonials. I just got one from my cousin actually because she was taking ibuprofen and getting sick all the time, and I was like, you need to get some blood tests done, obviously. I always say, I always tell people supplements help and stuff. I said, get blood, said Stan, see what they say. And I think she was low in vitamin D, iron, they checked her magnesium and I told her all those three things and she was, oh my gosh, Latoya. So she just had, I told her see it out for three months and she was like, oh my God. She sent me a text and I need to actually post it and she said, thank you so much. This is the best period I’ve had in ages. Thank you so much. And I do get women as well, like your diet, the way you’ve changed your nutrition, the foods that you, sometimes I show what I buy from grocery stores, some organic and some, sometimes it’s just expensive the way living costs are now.

So I do get a lot of, you’ve helped me and you’ve really made me understand what’s going on with my body. And I always tell them, keep pushing, ask for a second opinion. Don’t keep just listening to the first doctor. So they will say, oh my gosh, the second opinion that he said, it’s worked for me. I’m on the waiting list to have operations. So when I hear those things, it’s just a joy to my heart because I never received that when I was younger, when I was looking online, everything about fibroids was in America heavily. It’s not really heavily talked about here now, but it is now as we have the likes of Dawn Heels, who’s my fibroid sister / ally. So through us having that, our platforms, we are literally opening a lot of women’s eyes to the fact that period, your heavy bleeding and pain are not normal, and we need to get you to get some help and we can find you that information. We’ve collaborated with doctors and things like that, so we can signpost you to people to be able to help you. So yeah, I’m trying and I’m going to continue. 

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah, I know that the work that you do is so, so powerful and I think it is really powerful when you hear from someone else who has your condition and has currently has found ways to actively manage that condition and has been successful with it. What would you say to people who say, well, you shouldn’t be doing this because you’re not a doctor, you don’t have a medical degree. Who are you to be talking and giving people bits of advice?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yes, I actually had that once upon a time, had a troll, but that was early on, and from that moment it was kind of like a wake up call because I wasn’t telling people what to do, I was just giving them advice. But now I always say, I’m not a doctor and I’m not a practitioner. This is my journey, my experiences, and this may work for you, but if it doesn’t, we all know we all have different, our bodies are all different. We’re not the same. So I do always highlight, I’m not a doctor, I’ll give the information and I’ll say, speak to a doctor first, but this is what worked for me. And then some will come back and say, oh my gosh, Latoya, I spoke to a doctor and what you’re saying is right or I understand where you’re coming from. And some will say it didn’t work for me. So I always do highlight that I’m not a doctor, but when I back I’m like, should’ve been a doctor. That should’ve been my profession maybe to tap into that. But God has shows a different way in our lives. So yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

I do personally think it’s really powerful when people with lived experiences share their story because doctors, they are quite general, even gynecologists who do specialize in women’s health, unless they’ve gone and done the research on all of the different conditions, there’s still lots that they don’t know. And obviously science is still evolving. So you’re constantly, in working in the space, you’re constantly learning every day. So I do think patient advocacy is so powerful and when you hear doctors saying things like, oh, don’t confuse your Google search with my medical degree, that’s just so condescending because living with a condition is very different to having done the research on that condition.

Latoya Busumbru:

But it’s funny how you said that because once upon a time I’d be in a doctor’s surgery and they’d actually go on Google search to see what’s happening. Sometimes it could be so ironic

Le’Nise Brothers:

And actually people can be quite dismissive of that, but if I go to see a doctor and I’m talking about something and they just do a little light Google of like, oh, what is that? Not like a condition, but something more specific. I actually find that a little bit reassuring because it tells me that they’re not so egotistical to assume that they know everything and they need to just sense check something or double check something. And it shows me actually they have this kind of research mindset, which I think is quite important.

Latoya Busumbru:

Yes, that’s true. I agree. Yeah, it’s true.

Le’Nise Brothers:

You do this advocacy work, you have people who are coming to you with different conditions, different levels of dealing with that condition. Going back to fibroids, what would you say to someone who is struggling to get a diagnosis?

Latoya Busumbru:

I’d say to them to don’t give up and keep going because I have had some DMs that have just been, sometimes I just want to cry the way they speak and are just telling me their desperation and their pain. I even had a gentleman from America that he said he just can’t see his wife crying anymore. It’s too much. He did know that I was in the UK, but obviously he just needed some help and some advice. I still need to actually chase him up. This is about two years ago, and to see how they are, and I think she lost her child, but I said to him that this is the best thing you’ve ever done for her to actually for yours, because some men don’t know because lack of education and maybe some women hide it from their partners sometimes. I said, this is the best thing you’ve done.

You’ve done the first step of trying to help your wife. So I did say, obviously the UK and the US are different in terms of help and doctors. So I did say to him, just speak to your wife, go with her to the appointments and just be her advocate. You can also speak for her because you see it daily, her pain. So I always say just to keep going and go for the first opinion. If that doesn’t work, the second, if the second opinion doesn’t work, the third, just keep going. It can be tiring, Le’Nise, because obviously I’ve been there, but you will get to that end point and someone will be there to help you.

Le’Nise Brothers:

And now you do this other work around period poverty specifically in Ghana. So can you just speak a little bit about the issues that you’ve seen, so maybe some of the stats and why you feel like this is another powerful place for you to advocate around?

Latoya Busumbru:

Yeah, obviously poverty is everywhere, because I’m from Ghana, I said that is the closest I can get to find the information. So my aim for this trip was to obviously go for Easter, spend time with my family, cousins, and also ask questions. So I put out a post that I’m coming to Ghana and I’d like to speak to any of the organisations in Ghana that do the work. I do, let’s meet. So I met two ladies. One, her organization is called Flow Wellness Ghana, and there’s another company that also do also advocate for women Pozo Wellness as well. So I met up with them, it was random, I even met them before I was flying out the next day. So they spoke to me about it and I asked them questions like, what’s going on here in Ghana? And they said, it’s very bad, but in terms of education, so people can donate. They said to me, people can donate to these countries. Sometimes they get donations of period pants, the knickers, but there’s lack of education and how would they wash it? It’s not as easy. So it’s great for them to start with the pads, then work their way to the menstrual cups, to the tampons because there’s lack of education. 

So their thing is they need more workshops. Flow Wellness are trying to, well, they’ve started to renovate women’s toilets, the girls school toilets, just to make it more feasible for them, hygienic for them, able to flush the toilet. It can be hard in Africa and everywhere. So that’s the project they started. And they also create their own pads as well, Flow Wellness pads, they have their own pads and we’ve collaborated this year to sponsor a young girl, 50 pounds or $50 just to help a young girl for the year. So give them supplies for the year. So I’ve even done it myself as I’ve donated as well. So I do put that out and ask whoever wants to donate, even if they don’t have the money, there’s other ways they can help. So we don’t force them to send us any money if they don’t have, but there’s other ways. And some will say, is there other ways I can help? Because I’d really love to be a part of this project. So that’s a project that I’m collaborating with them on. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Great. And so all the links for that, if you want to donate will be in the show notes.

Latoya Busumbru:

And it’ll be on my page as well. Yeah.

Le’Nise Brothers:

What’s a really interesting is around what you said about the hygiene around menstruation, because Menstrual Hygiene day was in May, and something I see people talking about a lot when that day comes up is why is it called Menstrual Hygiene day? And I do this post I think nearly every year, but I think it’s a very Western perspective to complain about the word hygiene being used because as you just said, there is a hygiene element around menstruation. Having clean water, having reliable and clean toileting facilities, having a place to dispose of, if you’re using disposable pads, having it a place to dispose of that, that is going to be safe. You’re not going to be embarrassed. And it does make me chuckle when you see these people, they, oh, it shouldn’t Menstrual Hygiene Day. It should be Menstrual Health Day. And I just think you need to really expand your perspective a little bit.

Latoya Busumbru:

And that opened my eyes when they told me statistics and they said that there’s more, there’s at least. Is it 60% of women? It’s it’s cheaper to buy contraception pills than to buy period pads. And that literally broke my heart, especially in Ghana. I was like, that is crazy. They should be getting more access to the periods, not the contraception, because there’s diseases and it’s not as accessible here where we can go to the GP, get blood tests for HIV for all these STDs. So having contraception easy to get, that’s crazy. It should be the other way round. So when I heard that, I was like, my God, there’s so much work to be done here. So much work. And like I say, again, it’s just not Ghana, it’s everywhere. But because I’m from Ghana, that’s where I’m starting and then I’ll work my way round if I have the strength to get there.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah, well there’s a lot of amazing women doing similar work to you in different countries around the world, and I am really hopeful when I see this work being done because it’s so powerful and it not only helps women and girls being able to have periods in a safe way, but also girls be able to go to school comfortably. And girls education is so important and that’s what helps things like economies grow, but it also helps start to break down some of the stigmas and taboos around menstruation.

Latoya Busumbru:

Exactly.

Le’Nise Brothers:

In terms of the work that you do and the advocacy work that you do in the UK, what do you have coming up next? Is there anything else that you want to point listeners to?

Latoya Busumbru:

So what I have next, again, I’ll bring Dawn, who’s Dawn Heels. We are collaborating on two projects. So the first one is for Fibroid Awareness Month. Obviously we’re here in fibroid awareness map, this’s the start. We have, we’ll be doing a video campaign about fibroids, just want to, we’ve asked women to come forward to use their voice and share their stories and journeys, and they will be filmed, it’ll be like a mini documentary, so that will be on the 20th of July. So we’ve asked whoever wants to be part of it, to send me an email at wombbae@gmail.com with just a bit of their story, a photo, and if they’ll be available on the 20th of July. So that will be happening. And then hopefully by God’s grace, once we secured the sponsor, we would like to do an event as well together on fibroids. We was hoping end of July, but it’s taken a while and we don’t want to rush it. So August, fingers crossed, we get our, finalise our sponsors and have the event just for Fibroid Awareness Month.

Le’Nise Brothers:

So that’s it. Fantastic. Yeah. Fantastic. What’s the one thought that you’d like to leave listeners with today?

Latoya Busumbru:

Just to advocate for yourself? I know that everyone says that, but it’s literally that serious to advocate for yourself and don’t shy away and don’t just let someone tell you it’s normal and you just go home and deal with it. Literally advocate yourself and tap into yourself, find out what’s going on. Pause, take a moment to understand and do your research. I always say when you’re younger, they always say education is important, and sometimes you’re like, oh, whatever. I’m going to stop going to school soon or college. But I do say, tap into yourself, advocate and do your research. I guess those are the three. I know you said one, but those are the three I always tell people to keep with them.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Yeah, that’s great. And what can people find you?

Latoya Busumbru:

TikTok, Womb Bae, Instagram, Womb Bae, LinkedIn, Latoya Busumbru. I’m trying to tap into the LinkedIn world. I’m still not understanding it, but everyone’s just like, you need to go on LinkedIn where you’ll meet so many great people. So yeah, those are the three, but the main ones are TikTok and Instagram. Great.

Le’Nise Brothers:

Thank you so much for coming onto the show, Latoya, it’s been wonderful speaking to you, hearing your story, and I know you’ll continue to do this amazing advocacy work.

Latoya Busumbru:

Thank you so much, Le’Nise.