My guest on today’s episode is Tamara Driessen. Tamara is a tarot reader, intuitive guide, author of Luna and The Crystal Code and host of the podcast Another Phase.
In this episode, Tamara shares:
- What it meant to be diagnosed with PCOS and anovulatory infertility
- Her experience coming off the pill and reconnecting with her menstrual cycle
- Some of the habits she incorporated to kickstart ovulation and regular menstrual cycles
- How to reconnect with your intuition
- Why it’s important to slow down to be able to speed up
- The real deal on manifestation and why it’s so important to find peace in your here and now
- And of course, the story of her first period
Tamara says that comparison is such a trickster because it really disconnects us from ourselves. But when we accept ourselves exactly as we are or accept what we need in the moment, there’s just so much power in that. Then the next breadcrumb appears, the next dot connects rather than us trying to chase something else that actually isn’t meant for us in this moment.
Thank you, Tamara!
Get in touch with Tamara:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamaradriessen_/
Website: https://www.tamaradriessen.com
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SHOW TRANSCRIPT
Le’Nise Brothers:
Hi Tamara. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. I’m really excited to talk to you. I feel like we’ve been following each other forever. I’ve been on your podcast and we’ve had so many chats, so I’m really excited to just kind of dig in, talk about your first period, and then talk about the work you do. So let’s just kick off with you telling us the story of your very first period.
Tamara Driessen:
My very first period I’ve been trying to remember or work out, was I 12? Was I 13? How old was I? But I remember so vividly that I came up with my first spots and I was like, Mum, we need to go and buy some Clearasil. I’ve got to go to the supermarket and I need to zap these spots actually in products to get rid of them. And then my period came just after, and I think was, it was a sense of relief for me because it’s like, oh, I was one of the last girls in class. I guess the competitive Aries in me was like, oh yeah, I didn’t also, I was bullied at school and things like that. So I was conscious I didn’t want to be behind in any other, in any way or give people a reason to pick on me.
But I really remember feeling this sense of coming of age as well when I had my first period. And I felt quite kind of well prepared because I’d had a few sex education classes at junior school and secondary schools. I had this drawer saved of sanitary towels and things that I was just like, yeah, desperate to be able to use one day. So I felt like I was prepared in that way, but my Mum had never, she hadn’t really spoken to me about it a lot. I remember when I was younger, I was watching randomly Pretty Woman with some babysitters and the conversation of the birds and the bees came up and I was like, what’s the birds and the bees? And they’re like, ask your mum. Your mum will tell you. And she actually took us to, it must’ve been the science museum to show you the mannequins and the process of how it happens scientifically and all of that. So yeah, so it was I guess a very eclectic sex education, first period education. Yeah, I think I remember, like I said, that feeling of relief, but also this coming of age excitement for sure.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And I think that’s such a tender time. So 12, 13, and often that gets forgotten because especially now when it feels like there’s such a rush for kids to grow up where it’s so tender, the sense of self is being, developing, is developing, and you’re so impressionable. And then to have, you mentioned bullying and so tender. And a lot of the women that I’ve spoken to on the podcast have expressed this feeling of shame and embarrassment around their period. And there’s some women who actually got bullied around their period. And I just wonder, once you got your first period and you kind of felt, okay, I’m not something I can get teased about anymore. Did your relationship with your classmates change? Did your feeling about yourself change at all?
Tamara Driessen:
No, I don’t. I don’t remember telling anyone. I felt like it was my thing. And just that kind of quiet confidence that gives you having that secret, because I felt I was very excluded by the girls in my year at school. So I was mainly friends with boys, so I wouldn’t have had that, oh, my first period, I wouldn’t have had that conversation with them. But I did have a friend, a girlfriend that was in a different school, and I remember talking to her about it and just being, oh yeah. And I think she had already started her period as well. So it was nice that we could kind of share that in that kind of naive space as well.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And then as you moved into your teenage years, what was your experience of your period like?
Tamara Driessen:
I think? Interesting. It was really regular, and it would always happen on a Thursday night. I wrote a Thursday night and then I went onto the pill at quite a young age, and I think I might have been, yeah, yeah, I was young and well, not too young, but I went on that. So then I think I used that to kind of control my periods as well, because that’s what kind of that messaging that we have of your period being inconvenient and you not being able to do exercise or go swimming or the embarrassment if you bleed through and if you want to go out and things like that. So I remember really in hindsight now just being like, oh my gosh, what were you doing? But taking my pill through and not having the breaks when I was supposed to have breaks because I thought that that was okay to do because it just meant that it was a way of controlling my period. And then as I got older, I think I definitely paid the price for that for sure. Hormonally.
Le’Nise Brothers:
Can you say a bit more about that?
Tamara Driessen:
Yeah, so as we discussed, I think it was, I can’t remember if we discussed it on the Instagram live that we did together, but I think we talked about it on my podcast. But in my late twenties, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome and anovulatory infertility. So I do wonder how connected they are, but also in my teens, and actually there’s such a direct correlation with I had a lot of anxiety. I stopped being able to go to school. I was diagnosed with depression, I had an eating disorder. And I’m not saying that there are other factors, but later on in life I came off the pill and a lot of those symptoms kind of went, and I thought that it was because I was pursuing alternative healing practices and spiritual practices. And then as soon as I went back on the pill, I just lost any kind of sense of rationality and was very, I say they class this as ‘hormonal’, but emotional and sensitive and paranoid and really insecure.
And I remember being like, oh, I need to come off this because me and my boyfriend are not going to say together. And I just was very aware of the difference of me on the pill and me off the pill. But because I’d had that time, I could differentiate between the two, which was helpful. But I remember speaking to the nurse about it, and she was suggesting having the injection or the implant, and I was like, well, if I feel like this on the pill and I could just come off it, I don’t want to inject myself with something and then that be completely in my system. And then I’ve got to just wait, really wait for that to run its course. And I felt quite misunderstood when I tried to speak to the nurse and the doctors about it for sure.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And so what prompted you to come off of it the second time?
Tamara Driessen:
I think the first time that I came off of it properly for a considerable amount of time, because I was just single, I was like, there’s no point in me being on this. I’m not sexually active. And actually, I had a healing session with a shaman, and she’s the one that suggested it to me because one of the reasons that I was on the pill was because I had really bad acne. And that was another reason why I’d gone on the pill, changed the pills that I was on. And the shaman was like, I think you need to come off the pill. I think that that’s it. If you’re not sexually active, and it’s just for that, just come off and just see what happens. So yeah, I can’t remember. I don’t think my skin did clear up, but I just wasn’t educated enough in knowing what was causing the acne hormonally the way that I am now. And from what I’ve learned from you to understand that and heal those issues without needing to take the contraception.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And what’s really interesting about you is you do a lot of work in this kind of, so you called it the alternative healing space. And a lot of it is around getting in touch with your intuition, getting in touch with the signals that your body and your mind is giving you. And can you talk a little bit about what it was like for you getting in touch all the times that you’ve come off the pill, getting back in touch with the natural cycles of your body and what you learned about yourself?
Tamara Driessen:
I think it was such a gradual process, and I don’t think at first it wasn’t, there was no awareness of getting in touch with my body or in touch with my cycles until I read a book by Lisa Lister that was Code Red and kind of tracking your cycles. And then it wasn’t until I started tracking my cycles and becoming aware, oh, I don’t remember in school being taught, yeah, your hormones, I’m sure that they taught us about progesterone, estrogen, and that shifting, but not kind of the awareness of when you actually ovulate and how that changes your body and how you feel and your head space and your moods and all of that and how you feel throughout your cycle. And that book really did kind of open up a level of awareness that I’d never had before. And then when I started tracking it, I was like, oh yeah, on day three of my cycle, I feel amazing. And on day 28 of my cycle, I feel like hell. But then also that’s when I realised that, oh my gosh, some of my cycles are so long and too long. And that’s when I ended up going to the doctor to speak to them about that. But again, their advice was like, go back on the pill. But it’s like that for me, that was just completely counterintuitive because I felt like I already had a sense that that was what had been throwing off my hormones already, and that’s what I needed to correct.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And at what point were you diagnosed with PCOS?
Tamara Driessen:
I think I must have been six years ago, 34. So quite late. And I love talking about periods. When you asked me to be a guest, I was like, yes, I love that you have this podcast and that you share all the work that you do because so many people just don’t know. And whenever I’ve shared things about your work on stories, it’s such a conversation starter, even though that’s not my niche, my thing. But so many people are like, whoa, yeah, where can I find out more about this? And it’s mind blowing how little, so many, considering how many of us have periods, how normal that is, and how regularly that happens, how unaware people are above all of that. So I can’t even remember what your question is. I just got on tangent. Yeah,
Le’Nise Brothers:
No, it should be the PCOS diagnosis.
Tamara Driessen:
Yeah. So the PCOS, yeah, I think it was about, yeah, it must be about 34, so it’s quite late in age. And I think maybe part of that was like, yeah, my partner and I were talking about conception, and I was just getting more educated into that because maybe I guess it hadn’t happened to that point. So I was like, okay, what’s going on? Why hasn’t it happened? But again, very naive and ignorant to what I needed to be paying attention to.
Le’Nise Brothers:
So you got the PCOS diagnosis and then it was a new journey of understanding what does this mean? What symptoms do I have? And then you mentioned earlier about anovulatory infertility. So say more about what that is.
Tamara Driessen:
So also I think part of, I feel like I need to say when I went and when I had the diagnosis for anovulatory, no, for PCOS, my cysts weren’t that bad. I had the acne, I didn’t have excess body, most of the main symptoms I didn’t have. But weirdly, the doctor, I had the appointment with the doctor, and then she called me back and she was like, actually, yeah, I’ve spoken to my colleague. We are going to put you down as PCOS because I had mentioned wanting to conceive so that she’s like, so that you are in the system and that you can get more investigation and you can get more help into looking that. So I think I was very borderline. I definitely wasn’t on the severe spectrum of PCOS, but I did have heavy, irregular, painful periods and the acne and yeah, they were irregular. And then when I went to, so I’d had to have scans and things like that for that.
And then when I went to the hospital for the fertility clinic, they did scans, they took my blood test and all of that. And then when we did, it was when the pandemic was just happening. So we went to go to the clinic to get all of our results and get my partner’s results. And the doctor was very just like, you’ve got anovulatory infertility here, take this medication. But there was no one question when you are given this information and you’re like, a waves hit you and then you’re in a bit of a daze. And he prescribed this medication and I asked if there are any side effects. And I was like, well, and he said no. And then as we were leaving, the nurse was like, do you want me to go through your prescription with you? So I was like, yeah, please. Because it takes a lot, especially in situations like that, I just can’t retain or take anything in. And she was like, there are side effects. You will probably feel more emotional, more sensitive, and all of this. And I was like, okay, I need to think about that. I’m not just going to take it straight away because again, in the back of my mind, it’s like if my hormones are in balance, is this not going to potentially throw my hormones even more out of balance in another way? Because she was speaking about the flip side is that you can have, I can’t remember, is it hyperstimulation?
Le’Nise Brothers:
Yeah.
Tamara Driessen:
So I was like, I don’t want that either because I don’t want to release too many eggs that aren’t healthy or strong or viable. So I came away and then started investigating different options and avenues. And also when I had time to let it settle, I was like, have I even got any eggs to ovulate? Why aren’t I ovulating? Is the fact that I haven’t got any eggs to ovulate part of the issue? Am I perimenopausal all of these questions that I felt like needed answering before I considered taking any medication, I wanted to have a clear understanding of what was going on. So I ended up going to a private fertility clinic where they just did some blood tests and checked to see what was going on.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And so did you find out that, they would’ve tested your AMH level?
Tamara Driessen:
Yeah, they were like, you’ve got loads of eggs, you’ve got, she’s like, for whatever reason, your ovaries are just hoarding them. They just don’t want to release them. But yeah, she’s like, everything else looks good. And from the other investigations that I’d had through the NHS, the lady was like, you’ve got beautiful fallopian tubes every other, oh my gosh, this isn’t the kind of compliment I’m expected to get right now, I’ll take it. So that was really reassuring. But also, I think I spoke to you about this before, on our podcast, I just had this strong calling to figure out how to do it naturally and not take the medication and just get my cycles regular, get them healthy, make sure that, yeah, my hormones were balanced in the right way and in that cleared my acne. So I just felt like it was step-by-step. The acne went and then gradually my cycles became more regular, and then after that my bleed started getting longer and then eventually got pregnant.
Le’Nise Brothers:
Wow. So can you just talk a little bit about some of the things that you did naturally to change your menstrual cycle to start regular ovulation?
Tamara Driessen:
Yeah. So the third thing I started to do was seed cycling, but I felt like I felt I was sleeping so much better for it, and I felt like it was definitely helping me in a way. But then in another way, I can’t remember what happened. I don’t know if my period, it just threw my cycle off in a different way. So I don’t know if the combination of the seeds, there was just something still not quite right for me, but it kind of helped. I can’t remember what was going on with it, but it was great, but not quite right. So I just started having smoothies with all of them in rather than a bit of this and a bit of that, which helped. And I increased my protein, made sure that I was having breakfast every morning, but within the first at least hour, if not two hours of getting up, even if it was just a handful of almonds or a boiled egg or something.
So just really increasing my protein, taking different supplements, and I was having acupuncture and I was doing infrared saunas and just doing, again, very intuitively, what do I feel like my body needs and what am I craving? I started just swimming and exercising more regularly and also just changed the way that I work because I used to work very nocturnally and that is kind of where I feel like I actually work best, but hormonally that is not my friend. So I had to really kind of get stripped of how I was working and not be working until one o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock in the morning anymore, and really working on resetting my circadian rhythm so that I was more balanced in that way as well. I think that definitely made a difference going to bed before 11 the latest.
Le’Nise Brothers:
What’s really interesting is what you’re saying about the power of these quite small shifts and what they were able to do for your health, but also the connection that you had with your body and what your body, the signals that your body was giving you. And it’s really interesting because we do hear a lot of talk about intuition, and I call them signals and signs from the body, but I wonder a lot of what it is about disconnection that we have with our bodies. Can you just talk a little bit about how you were able to build that connection and because intuition is part of the work that you do. So this builds on our conversation a little bit. Someone’s listening and thinking intuition, signals, I just feel totally divorced from that. How can they reconnect?
Tamara Driessen:
I think it’s just becoming an observer simply for how you are feeling or how you are responding to different situations or the signals that you’re giving your body is giving you, whether it’s anxiety, whether it’s bloating, whether it’s a headache, whether it’s exhaustion or whether it’s not being able to say, being really tired, but then actually when you go to bed, not being able to go to sleep and not just being, like I said, just observing, oh, what did I have today? What did I do differently? Or what have I been doing consistently? That could also be a contributing factor. For me, sometimes I would be like, oh yeah, I’ll get back into having a matcha latte and I can have one matcha latte and it doesn’t affect my sleep. And then I’m like, oh, it hasn’t affected my sleep. That’s fine. I can have a matcha latte every day now.
And then I’m like, oh my gosh, my sleep’s been terrible. I haven’t been able to get sleep. What’s going on? It’s like, oh yeah, it’s crap. The matcha latte has crept back in. And actually it isn’t ideal for me to have it regularly or whether it’s caffeine again, whether it’s my cycles, whether looking at my blood when I first started to bleed and things like that, what that looks like, and knowing again, those signals and those signs, your body is literally, there’s clues to what’s going on or tracking your cycle, that’s something that you encourage. It seems so basic and it’s the easiest but hardest thing to commit to sometimes, but it just pays off because then you just get to know yourself and how you feel and just those little things of like, oh yeah, when you start to track your cycle, you’re like, oh yeah, I feel like day one.
Yeah, the world is ending. Everything is terrible. And I remember, not this month, but last month, I remember being like, I was on day one and I was like, I had so much I wanted to do for work, and I was voice noting my friends so frustrated. I was like, I’ve got so much to do. But I was like, I’ve just come on my period and the day before I’d broken my little finger at soft play and my friend was like, everything is telling you to slow down and stop. You’ll feel so much clearer and so much better after a couple of days, just rest day, rest tomorrow, and then you’ll start feeling better. Because I’d made this comment, I was like, oh my God, that was so efficient at the hospital. I was only in there for an hour and I was hoping I’d get some more time for myself.
I’d gone and be like, I’m going to be there for ages. It’s a little finger. They won’t care. They’ll keep me waiting for so long, downloaded loads of stuff. And I was like, oh, I didn’t get to watch any of it. My friend was like, look, you just need some downtime. You don’t need to work, you don’t need to push through. It is not getting you anywhere. It’s just making you feel more and more frustrated. So I think, yeah, just basically track and get to know how you feel on those days. Or go back to say if you were on a certain day on your period, go back to that date or the conversations that you were having with your best friend in WhatsApp. What were the themes going on? Like you said, it’s the clues and the signals. It’s just paying attention and listening to yourself because what we are saying is giving us all the information or just, yeah, if I’m really saying like, oh yeah, I’m so tired, or I’m so exhausted, or I’m so frustrated, or I feel like I could do anything, I’m so confident and so inspired. There’s so much correlation to our cycles that we don’t give enough credit to, I think, and we don’t work with enough to take care of ourselves.
Le’Nise Brothers:
It feels very much like we’re so external, we’re so focused on us being out in the world, and when we start to tune in to, well, what’s going on in my body? What are the signs, what are the symptoms? Because our body gives us so much information, but also just that gut instinct that we get and your body, there’s something really primal and innate that is happening in our body and that gut instinct. There’s a reason why the gut is called the second brain, and somehow we learn to ignore that. But there’s a reason why you get a certain instinct about a person or you’re in a situation and your gut is saying, I need to get out of here. And can you talk a little bit more about that part of intuition, thinking more about the work that you do and how we can reconnect with our intuition in that sense?
Tamara Driessen:
I think slowing down, I’ve got a private podcast intuition series that I’ve created called Intuition Mode, and I talk about this so much. You have to slow, slow down to speed up in a sense, because it’s the little things when we’re in a rush, when we’re trying to get somewhere, we miss, oh, that new cute coffee spot or bakery or that flower and those things, we’re in such a hurry to get to the next thing or to the next place or to the next person that we are missing what’s going on right here. And I do really advocate for some kind of regular meditation practice. It doesn’t necessarily have to be every day. It doesn’t have to be sitting down clearing your thoughts because for some people, a lot of us that is quite unachievable, but it could just be journaling or going to a yoga class or going for a massage.
It’s just having a bath where you are just in silence, where you can just be or listen to music if silence is too loud. But in those moments, when we allow ourselves to just be, that’s when we start to feel those feelings and those sensations in our, how’s my body feeling? Oh, yeah, it feels really heavy. When I went for my massage a few months ago, it wasn’t until I laid out, I was like, oh my God, my shoulders are by my ears. In that moment, in that pause, we are like, oh, yeah. And it didn’t take me long to recognise it. It was just like, yeah, because in that space, and I think that when we create those moments for ourselves, that’s when we start to notice and get those clues. But when we’re in this unconscious, frantic energy of got to do this, got to do that, and so up in our heads, that’s kind of where the disconnection really, really happens. It’s like, how can we feel more connected within our bodies? But I know for some people that doesn’t feel safe either to connect with themselves or they’re scared of what’s going to come up, but it’s like, how can you just be in your favorite place, have a nice cup of tea, or just a pause, whatever that looks like and feels safe for you? Because I think safety is also part of it. When we feel safe, that’s when we open up in our relationships to ourselves, to the world, to nature, to spirit, to all of it. And I think creating that safe space to open up I think is really important.
Le’Nise Brothers:
Yeah, bodily safety, physical safety, emotional safety is so powerful. And when we’re living so externally, we get used to, oh, well, this is how I’m supposed to feel. I’m supposed to live with my shoulders up against my ears, feeling so stressed. And as you say, when you take that pause, you realise, well, actually, this doesn’t actually feel right for me. So just kind of going on to talk more about the work you do, because as you say, you’ve made this shift into working in alternative healing or just healing, to be honest, we don’t have to call it alternative. Yeah, it’s just healing. And you’re also an author. You’ve written two books. Talk a little bit more about the work that you do around helping people find their purpose and manifest their dreams, because that’s such an interesting word, manifestation. I still struggle to get my head around it a little bit because I just doesn’t connect with me. And I know there’s probably a different way to put it, but talk a little bit about what manifestation is and what you do with it.
Tamara Driessen:
So manifestation in the simplest way is making things a reality. We are manifesting all the time, even what do I want for dinner? And then making it is a form of manifestation, but the way that there are so many different types of manifestation. There’s conscious manifestation where we are literally following through on a plan. We’re like, yep, I want to do this, I want to do that. And then there’s unconscious manifestation where we maybe have some fears that are then unconsciously leading the way, but then that’s manifesting a certain situation or an outcome because that’s influencing us more than we. And then we have spontaneous manifestations where you have a conversation or you think of something and then it just happens. There are so many types of, I think of different types of manifestation that people don’t talk about. I think a lot of people when they think about manifestation is think positive, visualise that thing that you want and it will come to you.
Or just writing checks to yourself, to the universe and thinking positively and being in the vortex or being in the vibration or the frequency of what you want. But I think that it is simpler, but also more complex than that because we all have different belief systems. We have different experiences, different hopes and dreams, and living in very different circumstances. So that’s all influencing our manifestation process. And the way that I speak about and teach it, what we are manifesting is the bigger picture. So when you’re coming out of your mundane, like, oh yeah, your everyday life, how do you really want to live? How do you want to feel in your life? Looking at manifestation from that perspective. But also because I was saying our manifestation processes are really such a unique process, a lot of people will teach it. Yeah, create this vision board or write your ideal day.
And I have encouraged that because those do work, but they don’t work for everyone because we all receive information differently and we all process and integrate and live information, the information that we’re receiving differently. But my view is very much really feeling into your intuition rather than what should I be doing? Because that can be a block sometimes when we’re not honest with ourselves. We are manifesting something, but it’s not what we really want or there’s a lot of fear behind it. So really coming back to our intuition and really digging deep to firstly, giving ourselves permission to want what we really want and getting clear on how we want it. Because also, there is this often this either or I want this, but if to have this, then it’s got to look like that, or I’ve got to sacrifice this, or it’s got to be really hard, or I’ve got to spend all of my money and I don’t have any money.
All of these things where we just overcomplicate it and the way that I guide people back to their own manifestation processes, like I said, that permission slip first and foremost, but also listening to ourselves, how do we want to make it happen? What feels good? Rather than, for example, someone wanting to date, but hating dating apps, that whole thing. Okay, well open up to your manifestation process, connecting with the universe, or spirit or your higher guides or whoever it is, and calling in that support. But doing it your way as well, I think is so important. And again, our intuition is pulling us here. It’s like, oh yeah, phone that person or meet up with that friend maybe, or don’t go there, or Why don’t you pick up this book that’s just caught your eye. It is really following your own breadcrumbs rather than this manifestation teacher says, I’ve got to be positive, and really I’ve just, I’ve got a parcel of the tests, and if I don’t, then it’s not going to happen. I think it’s very much, it’s a lot more human and a lot more real than that.
Le’Nise Brothers:
That’s really interesting about it being a really proactive process. It’s not like you’re saying, I want this, and then you’re just waiting for it to happen. It can be quite conscious, and I think I’ve probably been doing it and just calling it something different. I actually have a really interesting example of that where in 2018, I went to this Lululemon event, and they didn’t call it manifestation, but it’s basically what you have just described where they said, write down what you want to do in the next year. And so I wrote down all of these things and I actually found the bit of paper. I was cleaning up my office over the Christmas holidays and I found this bit of paper, and it was like, write a book, start a podcast, do much more public speaking. And it was like, tick, tick, tick. Yeah.
Really interesting. The idea of actually just sometimes it’s writing it down for me, it’s writing it down, seeing it, and just embedding that thought in my mind. It’s not telling me exactly how to do it, but it’s even just having that thought and just thinking that’s actually a possibility for me is a really interesting one.
Tamara Driessen:
Definitely. I think there’s so many different, I think that is the seed is this is what I want, the vision or the intention or the goal, and then it’s the alignment piece, whether you are consciously doing it or not. Sometimes, like you said, you’re just embedding that and then your subconscious is receiving that, and then all of your actions are supporting that to come to fruition. And sometimes I think that that’s better rather than it bit when we’re too attached, I think we can push it away when we’re like, I want this, I want this, I need this. I need this next week. That can actually push it away. And I think sometimes, not sometimes, all the time, that a level of non-attachment is so powerful to really help it come out in a way that it needs to happen as well.
Le’Nise Brothers:
Okay, interesting. So non-attachment, being like, okay, this is something that I would like to do, but I’m not going to attach any emotion to it. It is, and I can see what I can do to make it happen, but it isn’t the be all and end all. That’s really interesting.
Tamara Driessen:
And also just being, I think making your life feel comfortable now. Because a lot of people, the energy that comes into manifestation is, I feel frustrated, I feel alone. I feel abandoned, I feel disappointed. So it’s like right out trying to escape ourselves, escape our own situation. And I think that there is so much power in finding peace in your here and now to allow that non-attachment to happen. It’s like my life feels good. I’m making my day to day feel amazing, and anything else is a bonus. I think that that’s where the non-attachment, it is so hard sometimes you really, I know that even when we were trying to conceive and on a level, I was like, yeah, if it happens, it happens. It’s good. But actually when I realized it subconsciously, my actions were not chill. They were not, I was like, oh yeah, it’s right. Getting annoyed with my partner for drinking too much was not me being chill and non-attached, even though I was saying I’m so non-attached and realizing how can we really heal those parts of ourselves and have awareness can make such a difference? Because again, we’re human. I really don’t believe in faking it till you make it and being like said.
We have these tells. We are not fully behind what we are saying. And there is so much magic where we just, like I said, being at peace with where we’re at now, being at peace with that situation is when we are, I mean, magnetic is such a buzzword around manifestation, but it helps us really align and receive what we want. I think finding that abundance in where we are and acceptance as well.
Le’Nise Brothers:
Yeah, I really like what you said about how can you make the life that you have right now as enjoyable as something you want to be in? Because I think a lot of time, and I think social media can force this, we do a lot of future tripping. My life will be better when X, Y, or Z happens, but you only have this moment. This moment is fleeting, and then we go into the next and the next. So something about just the idea of being present is really powerful. And I do talk about this a lot in my yoga classes enjoying being in the present and not future tripping or ruminating on things in the past. And it’s easier said than done, but that idea of enjoying the present, it’s a gift. I know it’s cheesy to say stuff
Tamara Driessen:
Like that, but they call it the present for a reason.
Le’Nise Brothers:
I literally said that in my class yesterday, and I was trying not to laugh, but it is really interesting because then if you think about, this is something I do a lot, is I think about, okay, what would the Le’Nise of five years ago think about what I’ve got going on now? And I think she would think, that’s cool what you’ve done. Yay, keep going.
Tamara Driessen:
I think she’d think more than, that’s cool. You can pin it down.
Le’Nise Brothers:
But I think we are really powerful beings and we forget that.
Tamara Driessen:
And we just have so much more control of our lives than we acknowledge and claim, I think for sure. And that is part of it. And I think some people are like, yeah, but I just don’t like my current situation. Just do a little, I’ve had to learn this a lot from being on maternity leave, and I am in such an adjustment in the period with Bodhi being 18 months old, trying to figure out how I can work around him, all of that. And there’s so much surrender, but also the acceptance is what’s helping me. It’s rather than being focusing on what I can’t do, it’s focusing on what I can do and bring those moments of abundance into the day and appreciation and all of that, I think makes such a difference, even it’s a nice coffee, a treat.
Le’Nise Brothers:
And just to carry on that thought, you’ve been quite open on your social media about this process that you’ve been going through about relearning what your working life looks like and how, well, actually, I can only really do deep work on Saturdays and everything happens around nap times, and I totally relate to that. When my son was your son’s age, it was planning everything around nap time, studying, and it was really hard. But these are seasons of life, and we’re going through cycles and things will change. But talk a little bit about for you where you would like to go next, if you’ve allowed yourself to think about what’s coming up next for you or anything like that.
Tamara Driessen:
So in all honesty, I haven’t got a clue, and I’m really having to lean into the discomfort of that at the moment because the work that I do, it is creative in a sense. I have the tools that I use, the tarot and intuition and manifestation. They’re my pillars. But I’ve always created courses and workshops and experiences around that. And at the moment, nothing is coming through for my next thing. And I’m just like, what is it? And I kind of realised I just had a week away in, and I was talking to my friend and I was like, maybe I could do a massage course. Maybe I could do flower remedy course, maybe cut this. And then I actually sat back and I was like, I’m just grabbing whatever. I’m not just accepting if I know intuitively how my intuitive intuition works and that if it’s not coming through, just trust that it will come through at some point.
But the more that I try and chase after an answer or information or an idea, it just doesn’t work. And whenever I do something, because I’m doing it for the money, it just doesn’t work for me that it ends up being, nothing’s ever a waste of time. I know, and there’s always a lesson to be gained out of it. But whenever I’ve been like, oh my gosh, I need some money. I need to put on an event or a workshop or a moon ceremony, it just doesn’t land the same way that something does when it comes through really intuitively. So rather than it being should led or that should work, or I’ve done that before and people liked it when it’s something that hasn’t come through me viscerally and I’m lit up by it and yeah, go, go, go. If that’s not happening, then it could be a waste of time for me.
And especially, I’m so aware of that now where my time is so limited where I’m working around Bodhi and we haven’t got any other childcare at the moment. So I’m having to accept working with what I’ve got, the time that I’ve got, being realistic with that, and also trusting that if the idea for my next thing, like tarot, like I said, I know what my fundamentals are, but how I present them other than tarot readings and Intuition Mode and my podcast, Another Phase, which I brought back. Apart from that, I don’t know what is next it, yeah, like I said, I’m having to really lean into the discomfort and acceptance, but since I have been leaning in the acceptance, I am getting drip fed little clues, and again, I’m having to really trust and not run off with those things and feel into that slowness as well.
Interestingly, I pulled a tarot card for myself for the year ahead, and it was the Knight of Pentacles, and I was actually reading what I’d read for myself for that earlier on, maybe earlier on this week. And it was just, yeah, about working with what you’ve got, things happening a lot slower than I would like, I would expect. And being an architect. So what I’m really in this process of reconstruction, I don’t know what that looks like. It’s like I’ve just pulled my house down, whether that was from having a child and making that decision, and I’m rebuilding and I’m in that bit of where my wall is going to go, what’s happening? I run out of money. Can I afford to do this? That’s where I’m at right now. And the more that I lean into that and accept that rather than try and force myself to be the version of me what didn’t have a child that had all the hours and time and spare cash to invest in things, really making friends with this version and this season that I’m in at the moment.
Le’Nise Brothers:
I really relate to what you’re saying because I remember having to go through that same process and actually having to really grapple a lot with envy. So seeing people around me who didn’t have children and could live, their time was completely their own. And when as your children grow up, they have different levels of need. Right now, it’s very much about a physical need, but now my son is nearly 11. It’s very much emotional, the needs, and being able, I love what you said about being an architect and rebuilding, because I think that’s really powerful when you remember that the version of you that was there before you had a baby, that’s gone. You are a different version of you, and that’s okay. And you are architecting what that looks like now, what your life looks, your working life looks like now, and you’re probably more productive in that time that you have.
Tamara Driessen:
Yeah, it’s amazing. I used to procrastinate so much, and the amount that I get done in the time, I’m like, who am I? There’s no stopping this. It’s like go, go, go. And so again, when I know that I’m in that energy, that’s when I know it’s right. If it’s clunky, I know that I’m forcing it as well. And that just is not efficient for me either.
Le’Nise Brothers:
What’s one thought you’d like to leave listeners with today? We’ve talked a lot about manifestation, we’ve talked about intuition, we’ve talked about architecting your life. What do you want listeners to go away with?
Tamara Driessen:
I guess maybe just the lesson that I’m really living at the moment and have been living for a while, that just acceptance piece. How can we make peace and accept where we’re at and make it comfortable, make it nice. We might not be where we want to be yet, but that is built on the now and us feeling good in ourselves and feeling connected to ourselves and in our relationships and to the work that we’re doing and all of that. And I think that, yeah, there’s so much power and acceptance, but the culture that we’re in, it’s about, like you said, envy and comparison and not accepting what we’ve got. It is, it should look like this. And something that has been coming out to me is I see other women with children that are like, oh my God, she’s doing this. She’s like, Why? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do all these things? But it’s like we’re in such different situations that comparison is such a trickster because it really disconnects us from ourselves. But when we accept ourselves exactly as we are or accept what we need in the moment, actually I need to rest or I need to have a nap with my baby I did the other day. When we really just accept what we need I think there’s just so much power in that. Then the next breadcrumb appears, the next dot connects rather than us trying to chase something else that actually isn’t meant for us in this moment.
Le’Nise Brothers:
That’s so powerful. I really love that. Where can people find you?
Tamara Driessen:
People can find me on Instagram at @tamaradriessen_ and then I’ve got my website, which is tamara dreissen.com, which I’m sure will be in the show notes. And then, yeah, I’m available for tarot readings. And if anyone wants to learn more about intuition and manifestation, and I’ve got my private podcast, which is, it’s a hybrid, private podcast slash audio course where people can learn, but there’s also practices, and it’s a pep talk. It’s a bit of everything for learning how to connect with your intuition and use it to manifest the reality that you really desire. And then I’ve brought back my regular, my OG podcast, Another Phase.
And yeah, I’ve completely changed my approach around that, which was amazing because through my intuition was telling me, bring back Another Phase. And I was just so in my head, I was like, oh, I just haven’t got time. I haven’t got the resources, all of that. But I had an incredible human design meeting with someone called Mads Williams who was like, do it your way. Do it when you want to do it. Release it whenever, anytime. You don’t have to have a schedule. And I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Again, it’s accepting my situation and working with what I’ve got. And so yes, I brought it back and it feels better than ever. So yeah, there’s that as well.
Le’Nise Brothers:
Amazing. And all the links will be in the show notes, so I encourage everyone to check that out. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today, Tamara.
Tamara Driessen:
Oh, thank you. Honestly, it’s just such a treat to talk to you as always.